You're Not A Bad Guy
by Faith Ciel
Summary: AU: "Not a bad guy? I volunteered to kill other people my age in the bloodiest way possible. Keyword: volunteered. And I'm not bad?" "No, I don't think so." How the path of the world could change with one feeling and three words. M for language, eventual sexytimes and violence Peeto/Pato, WIP, CONSTANT UPDATES! Fic is already over 200,000 words. R/R Please and Thank You!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Well, one of the authors! This was cowritten by one of my best friends and a fellow Peeto/Pato shipper. :') To explain, the story changes POV between Peeta and Cato, starting with Peeta. Whenever you see a tilde (~) the POV changes. It was originally in different colors to help you guys out but ff didn't like that idea, so just read the Peeto and be joyous.

I, once again, sat out on guard. It was the first night I'd had to sit guard..but it was only the first night of the Games-though part of me felt like it was going to be a common occurrence with the Careers. I was a good distance from the main camp. Marvel and Glimmer were over in a camp by the fire about ten yards from me, Clove was up against a tree a few feet from them, knives in hand, and Cato was maybe ten feet from me, just sleeping on the ground. I set myself staring out into the distance for a while. I couldn't drift into sleep. I stood to pace for a while so I wouldn't get drowsy before sitting in a separate area than before, cracking some sticks and leaves as I reached the ground. And so the time stretch begins. ~

Faint footsteps and cracking sticks and leaves wake me up. I don't even have to open my eyes to know it's the dead of night. "I'm trying to sleep over here, if you don't mind," I scoff. ~

Oh, great. Now Cato's up. "Sorry, it's just me." I say softly. "I'll be quieter." I really_ do not_ want to get on his bad side. ~

"Whatever, Lover Boy." I sigh. "Once I'm up, there's no going back." Groaning, I roll onto my stomach. _Please, just let me sleep!_ ~

Well, at least I won't be by myself. "Sorry...I mean, as long as you're up, wanna keep me company?" Of course he doesn't, but it's worth a shot. ~

"Hmm...try to sleep, or sit up and talk to someone who apologizes every time he opens his mouth? Stop saying sorry." ~

"So-" I stop myself. "Okay." ~

Laughing, I go to sit up. The sleeping bag I have must really be doing its job, because when I slide out of it, the cold air hits me in half a second. It's _freezing._ "I know you were going to say it." ~

"Listen, are you going to keep me company or just mock me?" I scoff, turning towards where he's sitting up, but he's not facing me. ~

"Yes." It wasn't a yes or no question, but I thought I'd like the have a little fun teasing him first. ~

"Well, that makes absolutely no sense." I sigh. But I don't want to be such a jerk, after all, he could easily kill me. "But whatever." I look up and shiver a bit as the wind flies by. "Cold, isn't it?" ~

"Not really." I lie and turn around to face Peeta. "I'm actually kinda hot." ~

"You're the only one." I say, getting another chill, zipping up my black tribute jacket a bit more. ~

"To answer your question," I start, "yes, I'll keep you company." He can't be _that_ bad to talk to. Sure, he's from District Twelve, and that's as bland as they come, but I'll give it a shot. ~

"Well, I'm honored to be in your presence." I say dryly, resting my head on my knees, which I have tucked against my torso. ~

"I'm also honored to be in my presence." I smile in agreement. "So...how many are dead?" ~

"The sky told me eleven... Nine I'm pretty sure were us." I say. I'm not happy with killing people, but I've got to stay alive. "The other two, I don't remember, but it's entirely possible." ~

"Whoa, nine?" Eight or nine was usually the average for the bloodbath, but nine only by us, plus two others? That's about half the tributes gone already. "More of that luck tomorrow, right? Or today...I'm not really sure if it's morning or not." ~

"I've been counting a bit, I think it's almost one." I crawl over and check the little plot of dirt I'd been marking with a stick. "That would make the most sense, at least. And nine is a lot, but it could be ours, too. These Games may go by more quickly than any of us expected." ~

"Good. The faster it's over, the sooner I can finally go home. I'm bored with this already." The truth is, the faster it's over, the less I'll have to think about killing people. It's not as fun as everyone told me. And I thought _this_ was what was missing from my life. I guess when I'm back home, I'll have to find something else to fill that empty feeling inside. "Maybe we can finish in a couple days, if we're lucky." ~

"You probably could." I don't blame him for assuming. Everyone here in their own way knows that Cato's going to be the one to win this, myself included. It's just a matter of making sure my death isn't drawn out, painful or anything. And trying to live for as long as possible. I'd help him any way I could.

Wait, what? ~

"No offense, but it's pretty clear who will win." Why waste time lying to him? Nothing will get in my way. No lies. ~  
"Yeah, yeah...I know." I sigh, looking up at the sky where the Capitol symbol had been just a bit before. "None taken. Just, I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me just eat some nightlock or something as opposed to some gruesome death with mutts or something. If you don't mind." ~

"You want to get done in by a plant?" I laugh at the ridiculousness of his request. "I'll see what I can do." ~

"If I've got a heads up that I'm going to die, of course I'm going to request that it's as not painful as possible!" Did he just _laugh_? I'd seen him smile at the chariots, interviews, and of course, training... But his laugh, his _natural_ laugh..made him seem like a whole different person. "It's just logic." ~

"Well, unfortunately for you, I'm not sure many people here would fulfill your deathwish." After a few days in the arena, some people start to grow more and more bloodthirsty and cause the most painful death imaginable. One year, someone actually _flayed_ their victim. Slowly. That actually made me_ less_ excited for the Games because it was so _grotesque_. "I will, if it comes down to it." ~

"I appreciate it." I laugh a little, too, almost nervously. "I knew I was going to die coming into this. I guess I'm just starting to come to terms with it." ~

"Then why did you-oh wait, nevermind. It was your girlfriend who volunteered. I switched it around for a second." I don't know what it's like thinking that you're going to die. It didn't occur to me until now that people actually come into these Games thinking that they're going to die. I haven't dealt with that, and I never will. I'll go home. I have to. There's no other option for me. ~

"Katniss, you mean?" I laugh again. "She's _not_ my girlfriend. Not at all. But she did volunteer, for her sister. Pretty valiant, if you ask me." I wrap my arms around my legs. The later it gets, the colder. "But I would've never volunteered for this." ~

"I thought you _loved _her. 'Because...she came here with me.'" I mock him with fake sobbing and everything. "Besides, who _would _volunteer?" ~

"Yeah, well, she _definitely_ doesn't feel the same way." If those feelings were honest, that is. "I can tell you that much." I say sternly, not amused by his mocking. "And _you_? Didn't you volunteer? Care to enlighten me on why?" ~

"Because it was the cool thing to do." I sigh. There really was no good reason for volunteering. Money? Already had it. Glory? I couldn't care less. "Didn't you get the memo?" ~

My breath hitched in my throat. "No, I guess not...And neither did either of my older brothers." ~

"You have brothers?" Well shit. If I had known that, I wouldn't have said anything. ~

"Two." Is all I reply. I know that, if I had a younger brother who got reaped, I'd do anything to make sure he didn't have to go through this. ~

"...Oh." This ends the conversation for a few minutes. We spend our time looking at the ground, the trees, the sky-anything but each other. Then I say, "I shouldn't have asked. Sorry." ~

"There's nothing to be sorry about." I look over towards him, but he isn't looking at me, so I avert my gaze. "I wasn't expecting them or anyone else to, anyway." ~

"Stop complaining." I say, looking back to give him a dirty look. "I'm sure someone would have cared enough to. You're not _that _bad." ~

"Well then, you already like me more than _anyone_ in District Twelve." I stare at my feet. "I don't want to bore you with my sob story." ~

"Please, _please_...don't. Besides, who said I liked you at all?" Okay, well that was a bit harsh, but his voice is already starting to give me a throbbing headache. And I'd only just woken up. ~

"Well, just the fact that you don't hate me means you like me more than them." I laugh in a somewhat forced manner to lift the mood. ~

"I hate you, though." I roll my eyes. "Better?" ~

"Normal." I sigh. This was getting nowhere. "You could go back to bed if you really want to." ~

"I'm being sarcastic. Get with it, kid." I shake my head. He takes things way too seriously! "You really _aren't_ that bad. You're just a little whiny, that's all." ~

"I don't mean to. I'm not that good at detecting sarcasm." I stick my tongue out at him. "Sorry I wasn't taught in your master school." ~

"Oh, and all of a sudden you can pull a snappy comeback out of your ass?" I ask. "And my _master school_ is very exclusive. I'm not sure you're right for it, though." At least _someone _appreciates my humor. ~

"And I'd assume you're the only teacher _and_ student?" I reply. "That doesn't seem fair." ~

"Well, I'm the best, so...pretty much." I look back at the others. They're all still asleep-clearly much heavier sleepers than me. Lucky them. "If you weren't going to die soon, I'd teach you my ways." ~

"I'd hold you to that." I laugh. ~

Confused, I look back to Peeta. "Why are you so comfortable with talking to me? You looked scared as fuck earlier today. Every time I'd say something, you would get this look on your face like I'd kill you any moment." He, on the other hand, is absolutely no threat to me. ~

"Because you laughed." ~

"So? I'm not allowed to laugh? I laughed while we killed nine people!" ~

"But you laughed out of humor, not killing people..it made me sort of see that you're just a regular person. Just put in the wrong circumstances." ~

"No, _you_ were put in the wrong circumstances." I correct him. "_I_ chose these circumstances for myself." He's trying to get on my good side, but I won't let that happen. It'll make it harder for me to kill him because I can't kill someone that I like. _Great_. Now I don't hate him anymore. He weaseled his way into my personal bubble. At this point, it's probably too late to kick him out. "Speaking of the circumstances, I don't think I want to talk about them with someone who I'll probably end up having to get rid of soon." ~

A/N: Please review, I do appreciate feedback, as does my co-author~ :D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Here's chapter two—just so ya'll know, the story was originally written as one big story without chapters, so I'm trying to find natural breaks to divide this up in, haha. Hope you all like it!

"I get that." I say, trying to think of a topic. "So, we're talking and yet you're sitting a good ten feet from me." ~

"I'm not moving." This is where my stuff is. If it gets too cold, I have my sleeping bag. I'm not leaving that warmth to go sit next to him and talk to him like we're childhood friends. We're not. "Not moving, sorry." ~

I sigh, standing. "Jeez, lazy." I go over and sit a foot or so away from him, not getting too close. "I never said I wouldn't move." ~

"And I never said you could sit next to me." I scoot away about six inches as a joke. "Anyway...you seem pretty set on dying. Are you even _trying to win_?" ~

"I'm trying to make it as far as I can." I say. I won't mention why. "But I know I'm not winning." ~

I groan again. Why the hell did I have to choose to stay awake and talk to this pessimistic little bitch? "That's no way to talk." I decide to play nice for now. "If you thought like me, maybe you'd have a chance." ~

"I can't think like that. Besides, I'm not nearly strong enough.".~

"...No..." I draw out, looking at his arms. You can't really see much since he has his jacket on, but I remember them from training. They weren't too bad. "You seem strong enough." ~

"Me?" I scoff. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm nothing in comparison to most of the tributes here. It shows in the scores." ~

"You got an eight, didn't you?" I distinctly remember him getting an eight. That's a pretty decent score for someone from District Twelve. "That's not a bad score, you know." ~

"No, I know that. But at least five got better scores. I won't try to win because I'd honestly rather not go home." ~

This is the first time I'm actually hearing of someone _not_ wanting to go home. He would rather die here than go back home. I know life in District Twelve must be pretty hard, but _damn_. "There are twenty-four of us. And only five did better than you. That isn't bad. And...you should try to go home." He tells me he won't give me his sob story, but he does it anyway. ~

"Here and home are both hellish..but at least this has an end." I look at him. "I don't want to give you my life story, because I know you really don't care." ~

I look up at the sky and sigh. "There's nothing to do right now. We can't go hunt for other tributes since _they_," I nod my head in the direction of the others, "need their beauty sleep. So I wouldn't mind hearing a little bit, but you don't seem to _want_ to talk to me about your life, so...what else can we talk about?" His company is fine with me. ~

"Maybe another time." I look over at the others. "Did you know her," I begin, referencing Clove, "before the Games?" ~

"Um, yeah, kinda." Clove was intense at school. She's four years younger than me, so I wouldn't see her much, but I saw what she could do. There was actually one time where I considered having a thing for her, but I pushed it away because she's only fourteen. That's a little too young for me right now. It's a good thing, too, because now I won't have to worry about only one of us making it out. "I talked to her a few times, but we weren't close or anything. But lately, she's been attached to me at the hip. It's nice to finally have my personal space back." ~

"She definitely has a thing for you." I say, trying to be casual with the whole "guy talk" thing, when really, the whole conversation is just making me jealous. Why would I be jealous of her? Jeez. ~

_Great_. It's that obvious? "Everybody does." I smirk. "But I wouldn't get with her. I think that would be illegal." ~

"Don't be smug. Not _everybody._" I laugh a little at his smirk. "And it probably is, though I don't think_ she_ cares." ~

"Nope, everyone who talks to me enough eventually falls for me being a charming bastard. You see how Clove is," I whisper. "But I'll let you in on a little secret. I'm really just a bastard." ~

"Well, I'll start this by saying that I definitely haven't fallen for you." I lie flat out. But..that's irrelevant at the moment. "But I don't think you're just a bastard." I say to him. "I really don't think you're a bad guy, Cato." ~

"Good, _don't_ fall for me." I laugh. "That would make two allies that I'd have hanging off my sides." He's lying. No matter what he says, I _am_ a bastard. "Not a bad guy? I volunteered to kill other people my age in the bloodiest way possible. Keyword: volunteered. And I'm _not_ bad?" ~

I look into the trees, shivering again. "No, I don't think so." I glance over at him, then look away again. "That's all you've ever known was right. You seem like a pretty cool guy." ~

"I guess so." All of the victors told us how great the Hunger Games are. They flaunt their winnings all the time. And they also tell us how satisfying it feels to kill another tribute. "When I had my first kill, it didn't feel as good as I expected it to...is there something wrong with me?" ~

"That just proves you're not a bad guy." I look over at him, taking in his features from the moonlight. "There's nothing wrong with you at all. Quite the contrary, actually." ~

"Thanks." I say with my always sarcastic tone. "You're alright." ~

"Like I said, anything is really an improvement." I sigh, joking. ~

"Being friendly with me is _not _an improvement." I warn him. "I'm reckless as hell. I could probably accidentally get everyone here killed. You know, mishot arrows, dropping knives everywhere, slicing people's sides open with a sword...why do you think they made _you_ carry everything?" ~

"Because I'm otherwise useless?" I say, staring into the trees. "I thought that out of all was the most obvious." ~

His self-hatred is really starting to bother me now, so I just don't say anything. I don't agree or disagree that he's useless. I just leave him be for the next few minutes. When the silence gets to be too much to take, I say, "Listen, I don't know about everyone else, but I don't hate you. The only thing really annoying about you is your whining." ~

I laugh a little inwardly. "You just happened to be here to hear my venting...Thanks, though." I look up at him, and while he isn't looking at me, I allow my eyes to wander over his body.

Ahem. Just thinking about it all makes my cheeks get a little red, and I start fidgeting with my hands. ~

"Well, I suppose it's my turn now?" I ask, looking back to him. ~

"Go ahead. We've got lots of time." I really want to know more about him, and I'll take any opportunity I can get. ~

"I think you're the only person who isn't afraid of me." He's willingly having a casual conversation with me. I could very be planning his death as we speak...I'm not, though, because that would only prove that I _should_ be feared and that I _am_ heartless. "No one else in their right mind would even consider talking to me like this. Not even them." I point my thumb over to the others. "They're with me because they have to be. They're capable of killing, but they don't want to get on my bad side. But you..." I don't finish my thought. Instead, I just make eye contact with him for the first time in a while. He should be able to finish it for me. ~

"I'm here because I want to be." Oh, wow Peeta, that sounded _really gay._ "What I mean is...That I'm not afraid of you. It's like I said-I _really_ don't think you're a bad guy." Nice attempt at a recovery, but don't expect it to be overlooked. That in addition to the blush on your face when he made eye contact with those perfect blue-green eyes. You're lucky it's dark. ~

My eyes narrow at his awkward jumble of words. "And I'm not afraid of you...well, actually, I don't think anyone is. You seem harmless." He _wants_ to be here? Okay then. That's a first. ~

Okay, good. Maybe he didn't notice anything. "I _bake_. I didn't expect anyone to take me seriously anyway, even if I was a threat." I laugh to break what could be an awkward moment. "I mean, seriously. A sixteen year old baker from District Twelve? They all think I'm a joke." I try to play it cool. ~

"Yeah, they all think you're a joke now. Until you beat them to death with a rolling pin or a whisk." He laughed before, but I can't help thinking that he was being serious about them thinking he's a joke. "After all, those _are_ the most lethal things I've _ever_ seen in the arena." ~

"If you've got brute force, the rolling pin could be effective, but it's the whisks you've _really_ got to worry about." I turn and give him a smile. "You don't know what can be done with a whisk if you know how to use it." ~

"_I've_ got to worry about?" I laugh. "I don't know about you, but I'm not about to be taken down by some baking utensil. Or at least, not without a fight." ~

"If I happen to find one, you'll definitely have a problem on your hands." There it is. His laugh again. I find myself spacing out for a moment thinking about it. There's so much more to him. I know it. I've just got to dig it out. ~

I let out a gasp. "Are you saying that if you had a chance, you would _beat me to death with a whisk_? Even after I promised that if it came down to it, I'd let you go with the least painful death imaginable?" ~

"You never promised." I point out. "But no, I'm not saying that. I..." I allow myself to be honest. "If it came down to it, I couldn't kill you. And even if I was capable...I wouldn't." Time to start thinking of reasons for this _besides_ the aching feeling in my chest. ~

"And why is that? We're barely even friends." I guess if it came down to it, I wouldn't want to kill him either. But I have to. That's how the Games work. If either of us is going home, it'll be me. I wouldn't give myself up for anybody. No one is worth my life. ~

"Well...You're the closest thing I have to a friend, really. And you deserve it more. You've worked your entire life for this-why, I have no clue-but you have. And I got put here by accident." Yeah, accident. "You're the one who should make it out of here." ~

I'm the closest thing he has to a friend? Someone he only met yesterday, and may or may not have to end up killing him? That is honestly pretty sad. "I worked for this because I was supposed to. That's what we do in District Two. Whether we want to or not. Although, it's expected that you _do_ want to." ~

"Well...didn't you?" ~

"I thought I did. I mean, I was really excited when I volunteered, and I couldn't wait to get here...but the first kill wasn't as awesome as I thought it'd be. I've found that I'm not really too good with killing." I admit. "I mean, I _can_ kill, as you've seen...I killed about two singlehandedly already. But I don't exactly like it." Sighing, I look down at the ground. "If I have to, I will. But I don't like it. Just like you." ~

"We're more alike than either of us think. Even though we come from basically completely opposite worlds." I look to him. "I mean, I'm from the lowliest District, you live in the Capitol's lap. I saw your reaping-you had to fight other kids to be the volunteer. I, on the other hand, wanted someone to just kill me _on the spot _when they called my name." The moment flashes back in my head. "And yet, here we both are." ~

I still remember the Reaping. I, of course, was the first one to volunteer, and I literally _fought_ for the tribute spot. Now, hearing about how some people, like Peeta, just wanted to die when they heard their name called...I feel guilty. Career Districts treat the others like a joke because for the outlying Districts, it's like a curse if you get reaped. We were raised to think it's the right thing, to volunteer. "I guess so. Here we are." ~

"But...You know, no matter what happens here, Cato...I'm glad we met." ~

His statement takes me by surprise. He's _glad we met_? "I'm not." I say simply, lying back down and staring up at the sky. How could he say that he's glad to have met the person who's very likely to kill him? It's better if we would have never met, honestly. I can't kill him now. ~

How can something so stupid hurt so much? Ugh, maybe he is just a jerk and I was seeing things through idyllic, boy-crush eyes. "...Alright then." I say, standing. "I'm going to let you get back to sleep." ~

"I didn't mean that in a bad way." I look over to Peeta, who is now standing. "I mean, you're good company, but...it probably would've been better if we hadn't met at all. That just makes it harder to kill you." ~

My heart skips a beat. Of course, I know he doesn't mean it in that way...not the way I do. But nonetheless. "If it makes it any easier, I'd want you to. Because I do want you to go home. Be a victor, live some awesome life, marry someone great, fall in love, the whole big deal." I don't turn around to look at him because I know the pain is evident in my face but not my voice. ~

"Fall in love?" I can't keep myself from laughing. "Who the hell would love me, anyway?" ~

Me.

Me! I want to shout.

Of course, I wouldn't.

I won't.

Not now, not ever.

Me. I'd fall in love with you.

But when I open my mouth to confess, all I do is laugh and say, "Don't joke, I'd bet there are girls falling all over you _daily_." ~

"There are. But I'm too good for them." I shrug. Most of them were annoying and would barely take the time to even try talking to me. _Even Peeta_'s made it farther than them. ~

"Of course. No one's good enough for you, I suppose." ~

"Well, I wouldn't say _that_. Maybe I'll find her one day." ~

Her. Of course. I stay silent. ~

"But I won't waste my time looking. Love is a stupid, pointless thing." I've been getting along for eighteen years without it, so I think I can go another sixty or so. "I don't see what the big deal with it is." ~

"Don't you ever think there's something missing in your life?" ~

"Well, I'm kinda missing my mom's cooking right now. She makes the _best_ cake." I laugh. "But other than that, not really...maybe. I don't really think about that much." ~

"You should've lived in Twelve. I made some pretty great cakes." I smile to myself before realizing I'll never get that chance again. "But really." ~

"Eh, maybe. But what about you? You said there's no way your girl-I mean, Katniss-feels the same way about you. You don't think she ever could?" ~

"Seeing as she shoved me and basically tried to strangle me after interviews...I'm going with no." ~

"What?" I nearly shout, almost possibly waking up everybody else. "She tried to _strangle_ you? She can't do that." The Games hadn't even started and she tried to kill him. She could've been disqualified for that! Or at least, they would've made sure that she'd get blown to bits in the arena somehow. "And you still _like_ her after that?" ~

"No, not really." I frown slightly. "Not like I did that much before anyway." I mutter quietly. ~

I was about to say something along the lines of, 'you'll find someone else eventually,' but I stop myself because what chance would he _really_ get for that anyway? He could die any day now. "Sorry about that." Better luck next time? "I guess we're both alone, then." ~

"I...suppose." I look away. Together. We could be together. But you'd never love me. Never. ~

A/N: Reviews are SUPER APPRECIATED. :D xoxox


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Here's another chapter's worth! :D We're trying to pace the story out. Because we have like 200,000 words that we could post at once…but then you'd all be like WHERE'S MORE and there wouldn't be any… Woops. ENJOY. (By the by, this chapter starts with Cato. Not Peeta. Direct continuation of last chapter. ;D)

The air continues getting colder and colder as we speak, so I pull the cover of the sleeping bag back over my legs and part of my torso. It looks thin, but it's actually pretty warm. "So...how's watch anyway?" ~

"Boring." I sigh. "No one's stupid enough to want to come near this camp anyway." ~

"I could probably take out anyone who comes near here. It can't hurt to have watch, though. What have you been doing the entire time anyway? It _seems_ boring." ~

Thinking about you. "Honestly? Going through my life and trying to remember little things from before the Reaping...so I don't go insane here. Things that remind me of my old life." I wasn't lying, either. I _had_ been thinking about Cato, too. But I was afraid of dying. Or going crazy. I wanted to stay me here. ~

"At least you _had_ a life before the Reaping." ~

"What do you mean?" ~

I sigh heavily before continuing. "Almost my entire life has been dedicated to these Games. I had almost no time for fun. When I did have fun, it was when I was much younger, but I don't remember much from that time. You didn't have to train." ~

That had to be horribly confusing. Having your entire life dedicated to something, only to realize it wasn't really for anything. "You didn't go to school or anything?" ~

"That's pretty much what school was. I mean, we learned and stuff..." Well, others learned. I just didn't care for school. "But a lot of it was for the Hunger Games." ~

"Like...weapons and stuff?" That seemed so bizarre. "I know that the career Districts trained, but I didn't know that it basically was your whole lives." ~

"Yeah. I was top of the class and everything, so it would be pretty disappointing to everyone if I lost." I say. "What about school for you?" ~

"Meh, pretty normal. Numbers, history, reading and writing, trivial things. They didn't really care as long as you weren't an imbecile, because most people had a set path for their lives. If your family owned a business, when you turned eighteen, you'd work there permanently. If not, and you were a boy, you got sent into the mines, and if you were a girl, you started doing housework for people, maid type jobs like that." I sigh, thinking about back home. "I was lucky. I mean, I'm only sixteen now, but I wouldn't have had to go to the mines because of the bakery...I'm supposed to turn seventeen in about three months. I would've gotten more responsibility at the bakery." I smile thinking about it. "As opposed to my dad having to watch over me all the time. But, I'm obviously not making it to November First, so that's out the window." ~

Another awkward moment of him referencing his inevitable death. "What if you did make it to November?" ~

"Then I'd actually be allowed to work in the bakery on my own, like I dreamed when I was a kid." I laugh a little. "It's stupid sounding, I know, but it's just how I was raised. Right now, all I do is decorate cakes and bake things with my dad's supervision. But then, I'd be responsible enough to run the place on my own for the day like my brothers do. Then, when I'd turn eighteen next year, I'd be able to watch over the place for days at a time. Really feel like I was a part of the place, you know?" I glance over to him. "I must be boring you to death." ~

"You're not." I reassure him. "I like hearing about baked goods." ~

I laugh a little. "Thanks for humoring me, at least. It just sucks, you know. All of this. The Games. I mean, most people live to be _at least_ four times as old as I am now." I realize I'm dampening the mood, so I add on, "Plus, the morning of the Reaping, I didn't even get to eat breakfast because I slept in. So I'd just like some bread or something from home." I laugh again at myself. ~

He laughs a lot for someone who is so convinced that he's going to die. I guess he's just living it up while he can...that's new. Most people I know would be in hysterics if they knew they were going to die. Not him. He's different. "You seem to really like bread." ~

"I don't think I've ever had a meal in my life where bread hasn't been a part of it, so...It's a forced love?" I smile at him. "I like baking. It's not like it was something I was dragged into because it's the family business and all." ~

"That can't be anything _but_ a forced love, with a name like Peeta...as in the bread?" I try my best not to laugh, but it's too much to handle. "Cute." ~

I blush only slightly when he calls me cute, but then regain composure. "I'm used to it. Not like I haven't gotten the joke about a million times." I shake my head, smiling. "Except yours was probably the most kind mannered. It's not spelled the same way, so I don't see the big deal here." ~

"It's not a big deal. Why are people mean about it? It could've been worse." ~

"People were always mean about _everything._" I shrug. "I just learn to ignore it." ~

Everything? I'm really not getting why people hate him so much. He's not that bad. "Well, I'm not being too mean to you. Or if I am, I don't mean it...I'm just bad with words sometimes." ~

"And if I seem too touchy, I apologize. I just take everything _far_ too seriously. I mean, you saw me with your sarcasm earlier." ~

"Apologizing again? _Really?_" I laugh. "You're sorry for everything." ~

"It was just in advance. I'll try not to in the future." I roll my eyes at him. "See? A guy who's bad with words and a guy who takes things too seriously...Match made in heaven, right?" I joke. ~

"A match?" I raise my eyebrows and laugh. "Like best friends?" ~

"I thought we were 'barely friends' in your book." I give him a suspicious glance. He could've taken that in the wrong way, and I'm glad he didn't. ~

"I'm joking. We only met formally yesterday. That barely gives us enough time to consider each other friends, let alone best friends." ~

"Of course." Barely enough time to have fallen madly in love with a _straight guy, _Peeta. ~

Nothing I say goes right with this kid. "Fine. We're friends. Not barely friends. We are. Better?" ~

"You don't have to give in to my whims just because I pout over things." I laugh slightly. "But that is a bit better." ~

"I'm not giving in." He already poured his heart out to me. He even managed to dig something out of _me_. I suppose that makes us friends now. Goddamn it. "And good. Your sadness was really starting to bother me." ~

I almost apologize, but stop myself. "So...what time do you think it is?" ~

"A half an hour or forty-five minutes after I last asked, probably." Yeah, after all this, I'm definitely wide awake now. "Are you even tired at all?" ~

"No, not really." I'm actually exhausted, but I couldn't sleep even if I tried. Not when I could be talking to him. ~

"Oh, you look kinda tired. You're even fidgety and everything, like you're out of it or something." ~

Oh great, am I that transparent? "I'm just nervous. You know, fight to the death and all." I lie. I'm not nervous about dying. I'm scared, but if I was showing fear, I'd probably just cry. ~

"You weren't doing that before." I point out. If anything, our conversation was _distracting_ him from fighting to the death, as opposed to when he was alone and all he could think about was dying. ~

"Maybe it's just starting to hit me, okay?" I snap slightly, trying to hide my real reasoning. ~

I'm taken aback at his sudden temper change. "_Sorry_." His favorite word. "It just seemed like something else was bothering you." ~

"N..no." I stumble on my words stupidly. "Th..there's nothing else." ~

"Come on, we're _friends_." I put emphasis on the word because it sounds foreign to me. I'm more of a loner type person, so I haven't ever really played nice with others, and this is new to me. "You can tell me." ~

"There's nothing to be told, Cato." I sigh. "Just drop it, okay?" ~

"No!" I whine. "I don't let things go like that. Do you _really_ want to die full of secrets?" I sit up and move closer to him and put my arm around him to show that we're friends. "_Come on._" ~

I feel his arm go around me, and my face gets extraordinarily warm. "I'd much rather that, yes. I'd rather die my peaceful death with no one knowing." I say honestly, wanting to stand up and move out of his embrace, but at the same time, wanting to stay there forever. ~

"Then why don't I just kill you now?" I don't laugh. That would ruin the whole idea of getting it out of him. ~

"Go ahead." I don't laugh either. "I'd really prefer that, to be honest with you." He can't know. No one can ever know. "It's going to happen sooner or later, right?" I glance around for his sword, not remaking eye contact with the handsome tribute who's arm is still wrapped around me. ~

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He's practically asking me to kill him! Which I can't do now, because I'd feel guilty for the rest of forever. I really don't want to be the one who does him in. "I'm not killing you. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't." ~

"Why?" I want him to say it's because he loves me or something like that...but I know that isn't happening. But I still want to know. ~

"I can't kill a friend. Forget it." I sigh. "I know I seem like some bloodthirsty killing machine, but I'm not that bad, like you said. I won't do it." ~

By this point, the feeling of his arm around me is driving me insane, so I stand quickly to avoid his eyes. "I didn't think you were. But I'd really rather that than tell you. You'd be doing me a favor." ~

I stand up and grab his wrist tightly. "Maybe I'll just kill myself." I won't. "Then, you'll be responsible for the death of your only friend." ~

No, no. This can't be happening. Either way, I lose him. "No." I feel the tears start welling up. "Please, no." I turn to him, grabbing both his wrists so he doesn't run off to do the deed. "You can't." The tears finally fall down my face, a dead giveaway that there was more to this than what it all seemed. "You can't have me make that decision. Please, don't do that. Please, Cato." I'm sobbing at this point. Like an idiot. "Please, don't go." I feel my grip on him get tighter as the prospect of him dying becomes more and more clear in my mind. ~

"Whoa, what's your problem?" I rip my wrists from his grip and look at his face. Did I hit a sore spot with my "only friend" comment? "I'm not really going to, geez." ~

I immediately pull my eyes away and turn from him, quickly wiping the tears from my face. "Maybe I should just go." ~

"No." I grab his arms and hold him there, facing me. "If you'd just tell me what your problem is, we could forget about this." ~

"Why can't you just drop it?" I hiss, keeping my eyes away from him as much as I can. "It's not a big deal. Besides, if I told you, you'd probably want to kill me anyway." ~

"I don't want to kill anyone! I told you that! If I don't have to, I won't." My tone is sincere. "You started it. I won't drop it." ~

"No, _you_ started it by pointing out my fidgeting. I'm just nervous, okay? It's no big deal. Nothing of great concern to you." ~

"You started crying and begged me not to kill myself." I say. "Which I wasn't going to do anyway. Why can't you just tell me? We barely even know each other, so why would it matter that I know?" ~

"Because no matter what I do now, I'm losing you." If I tell him, he's definitely going to kill me, and think he's a bad person...losing that laughing boy I fell for. If I don't, he won't talk to me. But I'd rather that laughing boy still exist outside of my life. ~

"No matter what, even if I wasn't pestering you about this, one of us would be gone by the end of the Games anyway." I remind him. "So can you please just tell me?" I feel kinda bad about my persistence in finding out why it made him cry so much, but I can't help it. I need to know now. ~

"You really want to know? It means that damn much to you?" This can only end badly. ~

"If you don't mind telling me, then yeah." Chill out a little bit. Don't seem so nosy. If he doesn't want to tell you, he doesn't have to. ~

I pull myself out of his grasp and begin walking away. "You know, I just thought about running right now. Running into the woods and killing myself with your sword." ~

Was that it? "What about that painless death you wanted so much? You know, with the nightlock or whatever?" ~

"That was, if it came down to that and I had that luxury. But I was just so terrified of telling you, I considered suicide." I look at my feet. "I mean, better sooner than later, before I get too attached, right?" ~

I look at him and take a step closer. "What do you mean attached?" ~

I take a step away. "Don't you get it?" I turn to him. "I'm _in love_ with you, Cato. I'm _gay_, and I'm horribly, desperately, pathetically in love with you." That was it. It was out there. All of it. ~

A/N: I'm loving all of the feedback on this! Thank you to everyone! (To those who are confused on the POV, it really can't be changed much because most of the story is written. But you get used to it, I promise!) Review! Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Here's Chapter Four: thank you to everyone for the fantastic reviews! I'll post a few more tonight, I promise. :D Just leave some feedback, if you've got the time! (Starts with Cato.)

"You're _what?_" I retreat to my original spot in disbelief. It sounds so _out there_, but at the same time...it's starting to make sense. ~

I looked up at him in disbelief. Was it really that hard to understand? "I'm in love with you, Cato." I repeated, this time, the pain sounding in my voice, because I knew he'd heard me the first time...and the fact that he was asking me to explain myself was just an obvious sign that he didn't know what to say and didn't feel the same way. "And I'm a complete idiot for it. You're...the least likely out of everyone here to have the same feelings I do, and yet...yet, I fell for you. From training. I always thought you were attractive, but tonight, just talking to you, getting to know you... I knew it was something more than some petty attraction." I looked between my knees to the dirt. "But now, nothing can be the same again. Now you understand why I didn't want to say anything. Because I know there's things you want to do to me now. I can see it in your eyes. And...I wouldn't hold it against you if you did." ~

For a moment, I just stupidly stare at him, thinking of something to say. All this time talking to me, asking me if I had any girls, and he _loved me_? But, I'm not angry or anything...just confused. "You like me...?" ~

"How many times do I have to say it? Yes! I more than like you..!" My voice cracks. "I'm gay. Always have been. And I shouldn't have fallen for you, but I did, and there's no stopping it now." I whisper the last sentence. ~

It's not a bad thing. The worst thing I feel is shock. For a moment, that is. Then I just feel disgusted with myself because I led him on. Fuck! I led him on, and now I have nothing to say. I go back to my sleeping bag, leaving him there, and pull the sword out from underneath it. I look at my reflection in the blade before turning around and walking back. When I hold it up to him, he flinches, but I say, "Take it!" He doesn't do anything, so I wave it around in front of me. "Are you paying attention? I said take it!" ~

I quickly take the sword from him, afraid of what's going to happen now. I look at the sword, and back at Cato. "...Why?" ~

"To show you that I don't want to kill you...like you said I would." I don't know what I want now. He's afraid of me. I've scared him off already. "What you told me wasn't that bad." ~

I'm shocked, and yet...not. "But...you don't feel as I do." I drop my eyes. ~

Do I? I mean, I've never felt feelings like that before, but I did treat him as if I've known him for years. I wouldn't know much, but I don't think normal friendships start that fast. "So?" I don't want to think about it. ~

"That's the worst feeling." I look away. "You were my what was missing. And I'll never have that. And I didn't want you to know.. Like you said. It just makes things more difficult." ~

I run forward and grab him again so that he can't leave. "Don't you think about doing anything to yourself." I can't be responsible for his death, if he decides to kill himself. Not now. ~

"Let go of me!" I can't stop tears from falling down my face as I try to pull from his grasp, but he's much stronger than me. "Are you happy now? Emotional and physical checkmate, Cato." I look into his confused eyes for a moment, then break my gaze and begin sobbing. ~

"No!" I don't know what comes over me, but when he looks away from me, I lean forward and kiss him on the lips. Just a quick one. ~

In that moment, everything is perfect. I am happier than I have been in my life. But then, I realize what's happening... I know he doesn't mean it. My eyes widen and I just stare for a moment. "Don't fuck with me, okay? I get you're not into me. I never expected you to be." ~

Great, the kiss made me even _more_ confused. And Peeta didn't really have the best reaction, either. "I was...just checking." I don't let go of him yet. ~

"I _love_ you. That's something you know. Or even if you're into guys," I whisper, "what is there to check?" ~

"I...could be into you." It certainly could've seemed that way before. And I'm not completely against the idea, either. ~

"_Please, _don't be making a sick joke.." I look up at him. "I'm begging you." ~

"It's not a joke." I say. "You think I'd joke about that?" ~

"Well...I don't know.. I'd hope not." ~

"Just...why me?" I ask. "We just met...could it really happen that fast?" ~

"I...always thought you were attractive." I admit. "I developed a bit of a crush from the start. But...talking to you tonight?" I put my shaking hand on his cheek. "I saw you're so much more than what everyone else thinks. That..you'd be perfect for me." I shut my eyes. "Like I said...a match made in heaven, right?" ~

So that's what he meant. I let go of him finally and sit back down. What do I even make of this? I haven't considered the possibility of liking him like_ that_ before, but I'm not against it. Like I said, he isn't that bad of a person. And he's made it farther than everyone else, so I'll give him credit. "Come sit." ~

I don't look him in the eyes, but I do go sit by him, once again a safe distance away. ~

"What, am I contagious?" I pat the ground next to me. "Closer." ~

I scoot a little closer to him, already getting a bit warm and shaky about all of this. "You..make me so nervous." I laugh a little, still not making eye contact. ~

"You were nervous before I even talked to you." He still isn't looking at me-purposely avoiding my eyes. "You know, you aren't a bad kisser." ~

I blush madly at that. "Th...thanks." He doesn't realize the butterflies he puts in my stomach, or how hard he makes my heart pound, or how sweaty my palms get around him. I want to suggest we try it again, but when I open my mouth to speak, nothing comes out. So, I kneel in front of him, look up into his eyes, and kiss him, slowly and allowing it to progress a bit from the last one before pulling away. ~

"Even better." I laugh. Okay, so maybe I like him. I was never expecting that to happen, but it did, so it's best not to dwell on that. "See? It's not that terrible." ~

"I love your laugh." I admit. Maybe this is going better than I thought it would. "I do." ~

I push him a little bit for the compliment. "So...you really want to take a chance on me?" ~

"We don't have much time, anyway." I smile sadly. "Of course I do...Haven't I made that clear?" ~

"Alright...then I guess I'll take one on you." I smile. ~

Is this really happening? I must be dreaming. I must be. Nothing had ever gone right for me. Oh, right. I'm dying soon. "I meant it when I said I wanted you to win, you know." ~

"I don't want you to die so that I can win. Can you at least try?" ~

"I can try to make it as far as I can..." I sigh. "But only to protect you. When it comes down to the two of us, you'll win. I swear, if I have anything to do with it." ~

"So I'm responsible for your death either way?" I hate him for even talking to me. And I hate myself for liking him. "I'm not worth it. Trust me." ~

"To me, you are. I couldn't live with myself knowing that I was able to live and you weren't. I told you before, I don't want to go home. The only person I'll miss is my father." ~

Did he really just say that on national television? "Peeta...I don't want to talk about this right now. You hungry?" I reach over for the pack that I know has food in it. ~

I sigh. "I guess so.." I really was hungry. I just wouldn't admit it. ~

"Don't tell them. They'll freak." I laugh and hand him a pack of saltine crackers. "They aren't all that fancy, but they're filling." ~

"Thanks." I take them from him. "For everything." ~

"I barely did anything. Why for everything?" I ask, mouth full of crackers. ~

"You're giving me hope." ~

Hope? He just said he'd die for me, and now he's saying that I gave him _hope_? "What do you mean, Peeta?" ~

"That people aren't all bad. All I ever had as a kid was my dad, so I grew to distrust and dislike people..they weren't kind. But you're different, and I love it. You give me hope for everyone else in the world." ~

"Oh...well, I'm glad you like that I'm different." I say. "You aren't all bad. There was always you." ~

"Haven't you met me? I'm a total jerk." I joke. ~

"You _are_ a jerk, actually." I swipe the pack of food from his hands. "And I don't see how a _jerk_ like you would ever deserve the company of someone as amazing as me." ~

"Oh, I'm sorry, I don't deserve the _honor_ of your company, _Your Highness._" I cross my arms. ~

"Your Highness? _Please_, kid, I know you worship me...but I think our relationship is a little too informal for that." I pause. "Informal is a good thing, in case you couldn't guess." ~

"I was about to say." I laugh. "I just came out to you and the rest of the country on live television." I stop myself, thinking about what my mom must be like now. After all, my dad was the only person I ever told. ~

"So did I..." Well, _shit_. I didn't even know until tonight. "Well...that must be disappointing to all the girls back home." ~

"They'll live." I smile, leaning in to kiss him again, gripping my hands on the collar of his shirt. ~

Every time he kisses me, it just feels more and more right. Maybe he isn't crazy-we _could_ be a match made in heaven. "Who cares?" I run my hand down his leg. "You're better than them." ~

I shiver a bit and blush as I feel his hand make contact with me, blushing only slightly. "Am I dreaming?" I ask stupidly. ~

"You can't dream something as perfect as me." ~

"You see what you do? You take a perfectly romantic moment and crush it with your ego." ~

"Hey, you're the one who picked me. You're stuck with me now." I push him away from me playfully and toss the snacks back to him. "Besides, you seem to _like_ my ego." ~

I stick a cracker in my mouth. "Yeah, yeah, maybe." I smile at him. "I like your confidence. Not your cockiness." ~

"But my cockiness gives me substance," I whine. "Without it, I'm nothing." ~

"No, without it, you're just plain charming. As opposed to being a charming bastard." I laugh. ~

"I quite like being a bastard, thanks." I scoff. "I'm not gonna let some man change who I am." I laugh. ~

"_Man_?" I laugh at him. "Don't age me, you're two years older than I am! Just minutes ago, you were calling me _kid_. Make up your mind!" I nudge him. ~

"Shh! You'll wake them up." I cover his mouth with my hand. "You're kid height." ~

"You're just too tall." I pout. ~

"Put that face away. I am _not_ too tall." I'm close to average height. Geez. ~

"But you're definitely above it." I continue pouting. ~

"I said put it away!" I laugh, tackling him to the ground. Now, I'm on top of him. Wouldn't it be a wonderful time for everyone to wake up and find us in this position? "Away." ~

My heart's racing, and my face is definitely red. "Fine!" I stop my pouting, but wrap my arms around his waist and pull him a bit closer, so as now, our faces are maybe a fourth of an inch apart, and our bodies are flat against each other. ~

"What exactly are you planning on doing to me right now?" I grin. It's as if he's _trying_ to get more action. ~

"Oh..nothing." I give him the fakest, most innocent face I can muster up in my current, extraordinarily warm condition. ~

"Good. Because I'm tired." I know he wanted something. But I'm not giving it to him, because for one thing, I really am tired, but it's also because we've only just started talking. He's had enough kisses for the night. I get off of him and crawl back into my sleeping bag. ~

I sit there, vaguely bewildered for a moment. "Then...get sleep. You need rest." He does. I stand, brushing myself off and going back to my old watch post about ten feet away. ~

A/N: Oh, and fill FF with more Pato fanfiction, because it needs it. So lacking of such a "duh" couple. 3 xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Once again, thanks for the support. :D I'm uploading this chapter now—starting with Cato's POV. Reviews are ADORED.

After lying there for a few minutes, I say, "Peeta?" ~

"Yeah?" ~

I sit up. "You probably need to sleep more than I do." ~

"Maybe." I look over at him. "But you're more useful, so you need to sleep." ~

"You're useful..." I say. He doesn't move, so I stand up and walk over to him. "Come on," I tap his shoulder, "I can handle watch from here." ~

"But I can't sleep. If they wake up..." ~

"If they wake up, I'll cover for you. Now go sleep." I point to my sleep area. "Go on, don't feel guilty. Your eyes are starting to look a little bloodshot." ~

"Fine.." I stand, before leaning down to kiss him once more. "Thank you...good night." ~

"Goodnight. Sweet dreams." I laugh. Well, I have a long night ahead of me. ~

I go and lay in his sleeping bag, and fall asleep smiling the moment my head hits the ground. ~

He wasn't kidding. Watch is boring as hell. Every few minutes, I find myself looking back to Peeta. He still has that same, stupid smile on his face. I like his smile, though. It's a good thing to see after he cried so much. As I think about the events of the night, an hour or so passes and I feel myself drifting off to sleep. I shoot up every time I notice my eyes closing, but the fifth or sixth time is too much to handle, so I just collapse into a deep sleep. ~

I usually dream when I go to bed, but I'm so exhausted from the first day in the Games that I can barely think about anything. I'm just so happy that, even though it's the end of my life, I'm finally getting those bits of happiness I never had. ~

My sleep is cut short by an intense, high-pitched, shrieking voice that can only belong to Clove. I know because she wouldn't stop talking yesterday. "What the _fuck_ is this?"

Shit. ~

I jolt up as soon as I hear the screaming. I'm terrified of Clove, even if she is two years younger than me. She's lethal. I don't want to get on her bad side, but I think it's too late for that. I snap my eyes open. ~

"Get up! Get up!" She kicks Peeta in the side-or back, it's hard to tell.

I casually rise up from the ground and stretch. "Hey, guys." ~

I feel something hit my back _hard_, and yelp in pain before scrambling to my feet and looking around me. _Everyone_ was awake. "Good..morning?" I give a weak smile, rubbing my back. ~

"Good morning!" I call over to him with a cheery tone in my voice.

"What were you doing sleeping in _Cato's_ spot, you worthless piece of scum?" Clove says, shooting him the _nastiest _look. ~

"Uhm..." I swallow nervously. "Sleeping?" ~

He barely even has time to say that before she slaps him across the face, _hard_. "Why there? Hmm?"

"Because he fell asleep on watch." I say, hoping it would calm her down just a little bit if I intervened. "So I took over so that we wouldn't get attacked. I wasn't cold last night, so I let him have my stuff. Can't have his feet frozen if we want him to carry our shit, right?" ~

I nod quickly, taking a step away from Cato's things and Clove. "I'm sorry. I swear, it won't happen again." I glance over at Cato, my eyes expressing thanks. ~

"It better not," she says bitterly, then looks at me. "You are so brave to have given up sleep to protect the rest of us." As if right on cue, she runs over to me and clings to my arm, with Peeta and the other two watching.

"Of course," I smile, "I'm always here to save the day." When I say that, I look to Peeta. ~

At first, I become jealous when Clove goes over to cling on Cato, though I'm relieved that she's a good distance away from me. But then, I see him look at me, and I know he's doing it _for _me. To help me. I give a small nod in appreciation. ~

"Well, come on." She finally loosens her grip on me, which is a relief because now my arm is sweaty where she was grabbing me, and runs over to our packs. "We have a long day ahead of us."

"Right." I sigh and begin to roll up the sleeping bag that Peeta spent the night in. As I do so, I look up at him awkwardly standing there, and I smile. I told him I'd cover for him. ~

"Thank you." I whisper to him, going to pick up a few things before I get yelled at again. My face still really stings where Clove hit me, but I'll live. ~

"Um, guys?" Please, just _shut up._

"What is it?" Glimmer asks.

"Did either of you eat food last night?"

The other two shake their heads while I look up at him. We ate a _lot_ last night.

"Well, there's some missing." She rips the pack of crackers from the bag and shows that there are only a few individually wrapped snacks left. "Cato?"

I hesitate for a second, thinking of what they would do to Peeta if they knew he ate most of it. "I was hungry." ~

I stand up straight and look at Cato before sticking my hands in my pockets. All of the wrappers are still there. Shit. If they catch me, I don't know what they'll do. I give him a nervous look. ~

When Peeta sticks his hands in his pockets, one of the wrappers manages to fall to the ground. I notice them getting angry with him, so I say, "I gave him my trash."

"Bullshit!" Marvel says.

"Yeah." Clove walks over to where Peeta's standing and picks up the wrapper, examining it closely. "Cato doesn't tear things open like this, down the back. More on the one side, and he slips the food out that way. It's just neater like that." _Really?_ Of all things, that's what she noticed? ~

"That's almost unhealthy, that you notice things like that." I manage to get out, smiling a bit and attempting to make a joke, though I know she's probably not in the mood for jokes, and definitely not with me. "Cato, you don't have to cover for me. I'm sorry guys, I just...You didn't let me _eat_ yesterday. I may come from Twelve, but I can't just starve here." Even if it _is_ the Hunger Games. ~

"You know what? You're right." She walks back to our camp and retrieves my sword, handing it to me. "I think you should kill him."

"A-are you sure?" I stutter, looking at him. "We can't just kill him over that...can we?"

"Yes!" She screams. "We rationed our food out perfectly so that we could go on for another day. Now we have to waste time by going back to the Cornucopia!" She angrily shoves me forward. ~

My eyes widen and I take back a step from the group of them. I know Cato doesn't want to kill me, and he said he'd cover me, right? But he also said nothing was going to get in the way of him winning this...and he also said he couldn't kill me. Oh god. ~

"Well, we can't kill him. We need him." I need him.

"Listen, sweetie. I know you don't want to carry your own things, but we can do without him." She pushes me a little bit more. "Just get it over with so we can move on."

"No!" I walk away from the two of them and over to my own bags. "I'm in charge around here, and I say we keep him for now." ~

Everyone looks shocked at his insistence on keeping me alive, including myself. But they don't object, at first. They merely go to grab their things. I don't have anything of my own, but I've been designated as the pack mule, because they were apparently impressed with my strength. So this is how they take advantage of it. ~

"Whatever, Cato. WHATEVER." Clove whines.

After they all collect their things, they dump it into Peeta's arms and onto his back. He can barely stand under the weight of everything at this point. Then, they all look at me, so I pick up one of the packs and throw it to Peeta to let them think I'm on their side. ~

The packs are already so heavy, that I can barely see a thing besides Cato through a small hole. I barely see him toss the pack before I _feel_ the pack. It's the last bit of weight I can handle. That one bag knocks me over, forcing my head to slam into the ground and burying my head and torso beneath all of the heavy packs. As the impact hits, everything goes black. ~

Everyone laughs at how weak he seems just collapsing to the ground like that. "Come on, Cato! He'll catch up!"

"Did you see how _hard _he hit the ground?"

"'Oh, you can't let me _starve_ here!'"

They continue walking away towards the direction where we came from yesterday, laughing and mocking him. When they're a little bit ahead of us, I walk over to Peeta. "Sorry about that, but you can get up now." ~

Am I dead? No, I can't be if I'm thinking to myself. I must be in some lucid, unconscious state. All there is is darkness, silence, and a warm, wet feeling near my head that had to be blood. Those jerks. ~

"Hello?" I kneel down beside him and shake him a little bit. "Peeta, they're gone. You can stop pretending." ~

I can feel it getting harder and harder to breathe because of the weight of all of the packs on top of me, but I can't move to push them off. I can't tell anyone that I'm in pain. Goddamnit. ~

Then, I notice a pool of red stuff around his head. "Fuck!" I push all the bags to the side and pick him up a little bit by the back of his head, staining my fingers with blood. "Peeta? I'm sorry! Can you hear me?" ~

At least I can breathe a bit now in a shallow sense, but my head is pounding and it's getting harder and harder to think straight. Is Cato even here anymore? Did he go with them, not realizing what happened? I can't just die here. ~

I put my hand to his chest. I can still feel a heartbeat. Or maybe it's just my hand shaking. "Peeta, I'm sorry...please don't die." Not after last night. Not on my account. Now, all my feelings are starting to come up. Maybe I like him a little more than I said I did. He said he _loves_ me, and I said I like him, and that doesn't seem right. "Not now...come on!" ~

Why did everything get so _cold_ all of a sudden? No, no, I can't die. I have to protect him. No matter what. Isn't that what I said I'd do? I can't get taken out this early like this. Not when there's so much more time to be had. So many things I never said or did. ~

"We have to go before they come back! They have their weapons for the most part, Peeta. That means we gotta go!" I sit him upright and hold him there, attempting to wake him up. But he still won't come to. "I..._really_ liked you. I wanted you to win, honestly...you're the only good left in the world. We have to go, come on!" When I realize my efforts are pointless, I lay him back down and rearrange everything into only two packs instead of six. It takes a lot of squeezing and such, but I manage it. "We're going, Peeta...I'm sorry if I've killed you." I sling one pack over my shoulder, tie the other around my waist, and hoist Peeta over my other shoulder. He isn't too heavy, but then again, he's a small person. "I have you." ~

Suddenly, I feel my body get lifted into the air. I'm pretty sure I'm not dead, so this has to be a person carrying me. I hope with everything in me that it's Cato and not Marvel or someone else. ~

I start limping down the road in the opposite direction everyone else went in. I really hope he isn't in a coma or something. "Peeta, come on. Wake up. I'm sorry..." ~

All I can think about is Cato while I'm out. What we could have had, if it's him carrying me, how I'm going to lose him soon anyway... I wish, more than anything, that last part wasn't true. ~

"Goddamn it, Peeta, wake up!" I start to slow down a little bit because my shortened sleep has made me exhausted. "I don't want you to die...I really liked our time last night. It was nice, you know?" ~

I hate not being able to see or hear anything.. I feel more useless than normal. I try to speak, but just end up coughing and taste immense amounts of blood in my mouth. Ugh. ~

Then, I hear it. A noise coming from the mouth of the person I'm carrying to who-knows-where. "Peeta?" I drop the two bags and carefully lean him against a tree. "Are you up?" ~

I feel the person let go of me, and now I'm on ground. I feel woozy, and whatever was in my mouth was falling down my face now. I manage to let out a painful groan, and try to reach out to whoever is there. ~

First, I wipe the blood away from his mouth with the sleeve of my jacket. Now, my arm _and_ back are soaked with it. I take Peeta's hands and kiss him. "Wake up." ~

Lips on mine. "Cato?" I manage to crack out of my voice. ~

"Yes, Peeta, it's me. Open your eyes." ~

"My head hurts..." I crack my eyes open and he's there.. But the light makes the pounding worse. "Ugh..." ~

"I'm sorry..." Now I'm the one who won't stop apologizing. "I think you fell on a sharp rock when I hit you." I rip a long strip of cloth from the hem of my shirt and wrap it around the back of his head. "This should stop the bleeding." ~

"Don't be sorry...I'm just clumsy and not strong enough." You could have died, Peeta. Because of your uselessness. Then he'd be alone. ~

"No, I was a douchebag. You weren't anticipating that shot." Don't blame yourself, Peeta. Please. ~

"It would've been worse if you hadn't, and they suspected something.. Don't worry about it. I'll be okay..right?" ~

"Yes. With me here, you'll be fine." ~

"I believe that..I do feel safe around you. Safer than I ever have." ~

I start cleaning the rest of the blood off of his face. "You were out for a while. You scared me." ~

"I'm sorry..." I break eye contact. "I'm here now though." I smile Weakly. ~

"What did I say about that word?" ~

A/N: So, yeah! That's that. Sorry to ya'll Clato shippers, but Pato's love is way stronger, in my opinion. So, review and lemme know what you think! xx


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: So sorry for the delay! I went away to camp and stuff, so I couldn't upload, then I had finals and now SCHOOL IS OVER! So here's some Pato. Peeto. Whatever. 3 (Starts Peeta's POV.)

I give a little smile. "Jeez.." I yawn a bit. "So tired..." ~

"Don't sleep!" I shake him a little bit to wake him up. "You might not wake up if you do, and that would be bad." ~

I groan. "Then distract me." ~

"Okay." I lean forward and kiss him passionately for about fifteen seconds, slipping my hand up the back of his shirt. When I pull away, I ask, "How would you like me to distract you?" ~

I come out of the kiss out of breath. "Well then... You act a lot more forward than someone who realized he was into guys last night." I smile at him mischievously. ~

"I'm not really surprised." I'm not_ completely_ gay. "Especially after meeting you." ~

"Okay, I've got to be dreaming. Nothing in my life has ever gone this right." ~

I stop smiling when he says that. "Listen...I don't know what went wrong with your life, but you aren't dreaming." ~

"Well...that's good." I take his hands in mine. "Very good. Like I said, though-I'll spare you the dramatic details." I laugh a little. "But it kinda sucked. So we have to make up for lost time, while we've still got some." ~

"Well, I don't see how someone like you could've been so wronged in your life...but if it makes you feel better, I won't ask." I sigh and lean against his tree, next to him. "So...I can't believe we happened." ~

"Maybe I'll tell you, someday." I look up at him. "I..can't believe it either. Bet you didn't volunteer expecting _this_." I laugh, and look down at my feet and yawn again. "I'm happy we did, though." ~

"I wasn't expecting this no matter where I ended up, let alone volunteering for it..." I look down at our hands and wonder what brought us here. I forced it out of him, really. Right now, I feel kinda guilty about that, but I'm glad I was so persistent. I'm _still_ not glad that we met, though. Because now one of us has to die. Please let it be me. "You double-knot your shoelaces too?" ~

"Huh?" I look at him, and look back at my feet. "Oh!" I laugh, pulling my feet in towards me. "Yeah. It could seem stupid, but I never really had great shoes or whatever as a kid, just one old pair of boots and one old pair of sneakers. I never really wore the boots to school, so the sneakers were _way_ worn, and the laces didn't tie so well. So I'd constantly be falling and stuff because they'd untie, and people would call me clumsy. And I really wasn't that clumsy. So I started double-knotting them so they wouldn't untie, and I stopped falling." It was a stupid story, but it got my mind off of everything, and back to a time where I didn't have to worry about the Games...so it was good. ~

I laugh a little and look over to him. "Is that why you called yourself clumsy before? Because you were used to it?" ~

"Exactly!" I smile. "I'm really not very clumsy, though. Of everything odd and peculiar about me, that's not one." My eyes find his again. "You do, too?" ~

"My laces always untied themselves. I never tripped, because I'm coordinated, unlike you." I laugh. "But my mom kept telling me that the untied laces made her nervous, so I started double-knotting them so that they'd stay." ~

"So you're a momma's boy?" I chuckle. "Gotta say, I never expected that." ~

"Shut up! I was only five or six when that started happening." I shake my head. "And my mother is a nice lady, okay?" ~

"I never said she wasn't!" I smile. "And it's not a bad thing persay, being a momma's boy." I squeeze his hand. ~

"I'm not!" _Stop making fun of me_, I think to myself. "You of all people shouldn't be talking. You bake!" ~

"So? So does my dad, and his dad, and his!" I stick my tongue out at him. "Mellarks have been baking for_ever_." ~

"Alright, alright. Fine. You win this round." ~

"What's my prize?" ~

"Nothing." I say, blowing him a kiss. He doesn't get a real one. ~

"What if I win another round?" I didn't know there was a round to be won in the first place, but hey. Why not? ~

"Still nothing." I smirk. "Nah, I'm kidding...you only get the best sex in the world...too bad there isn't a second round." ~

My face gets extraordinarily red, redder than it's been around him before-and it was dark when I was blushing before. Now, in perfect daylight, I'm like a tomato. I try to turn away or tuck my head between my knees to hide it, but it's useless. ~

"Getting flustered, I see?" His attempt to hide his face is pointless. I know he's starting to get nervous. "Stop hiding." ~

"Noooo!" I whine, my face getting warmer and warmer the more I think about Cato and I-stop, stop, stop. You're only making things worse! ~

I lean to the side and pick his chin up so that he could look at me. "Breathe. It's not that great of a thought." ~

Oh, he doesn't know. I realize at this point my breathing is really heavy, so I stop myself for a moment and try to calm myself down. "That didn't sound like your usual cocky self." I smirk, attempting to put my thoughts in other places. ~

"No...it would've been great on my part. You...I'm not so sure." I wink. ~

I blush again, managing to get my head between my knees but then pull away, wincing in pain, because, of course idiot me forgot I have a giant gash on the side of my head and dirt on my pants. Five stars, Peeta. Five stars. ~

"St_o_p. You're hurting yourself!" I pull him closer to me and lightly touch his head where the bandage is. "You don't need to be so nervous around me." ~

"I can't help it." I smile at his touch. "That's how I get when I like someone a lot..A lot a lot." ~

"Last night it was love, and now you only like me a lot?" I pull back and cross my arms as a joke. "I don't think this can work out!" ~

"Wait, what?" I turn to him. No, no, I can't lose him. Not now. And of course, I get nervous. "I..I mean that I get nervous around _everyone_ I like a lot, you know? Like as in romance, or people, or _animals_...I just..." Now I'm stumbling over my words like an idiot. Just quit it. "...I love you." I whisper, looking at the ground. ~

"Peeta, Peeta, _chill_." To calm him down, I lean over and kiss him on the forehead. "I was only joking." I guess he wasn't kidding about taking things too seriously. This relationship will be difficult. "I still like you." ~

"Now I must sound like a complete spaz." I shut my eyes and rest my head against the tree. "I want to apologize, but I know you don't like me saying it." ~

"You don't need to apologize." I scoot over closer to him and put my arm around him. "So, on a scale from one to ten, how happy does this make you?" ~

"Well, if I say anything over ten, I'd be telling the truth, but I'd also sound _so_ cliche and cheesy." I laugh. "So I guess ten will have to do." ~

"Ten will not do." ~

"But then you'll call me out for being a cheesy romantic-which I am. But I'm _not_ cliche." ~

"Ten will _never_ do." I laugh. "I can be as cheesy as you. I swear, if I spend this whole day with you, I can probably pick up on it and sound just like you." ~

"Then I'll say...fourteen." I look into the sky. "I don't think I could imagine you being as cheesy as me." ~

"A fourteen...hm? I expect it to be a twenty by the end of today," I say. "And you just wait. I'll pick up on it. I always do." ~

"You've got to work for the twenty." I laugh jokingly. "And are you sure that's something you _want_ to pick up on?" ~

"I won't be able to stop it. But it'll be funny, hearing that sort of stuff coming out of my mouth. I'll learn. Maybe my poor attempt at acting like you will make you laugh, and I'll finally reach that twenty." ~

"Maybe you will." I smile. "Maybe you will." ~

Yawning, I say, "I wish we had gotten a little more sleep earlier." ~

"Yeah...and now you won't let me sleep." I pout. ~

"You can't...you might slip away from me." Against my will, my eyes start to close. "Don't sleep." ~

"But..." I go to complain, but I don't want to make things worse for him. He's actually worried about me. Plus, my pounding headache is coming back. "Fine. I'll stay up. But you have to keep distracting me." I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. "Clove was a _rude_ awakening this morning." ~

"I'd imagine she's always a rude awakening. Her parents must be having some quiet mornings." I sigh. "She was just looking for any reason in the world to kill you." ~

"I knew she didn't like me from the start." I cough a bit. "But I don't think she'll give up on that quest quite yet." ~

Another yawn. "Do you think they're looking yet? For us and the packs, I mean." ~

"Maybe? Probably?" I yawn as he does. It's contagious. "I wouldn't be surprised, is what I mean." ~

"Yeah..." I stretch my arms and legs a little bit to keep them from going numb. "Peeta, you're a pretty cool kid." ~

"Of everything I've been called...cool's a first." I smile. "So, I'm a kid today?" I laugh a little. ~

"You seem to have a lot of firsts lately." God, I just want to sleep. "You'll always be a kid to me. Age difference." ~

"Definitely a lot of firsts..." I snuggle into him a bit. "First day and night in the Hunger Games, first best friend, first kiss, first time being called cool, first time coming out on television..." I laugh quietly. "Definitely a lot." ~

"And..." I think to myself about whether or not I should finish my thought, but I decide to conclude it, "first boyfriend?" ~

My heart skips a beat. I don't want to push anything, but there's something about this...even if we're in it so early, I'm so sure of it all. I pause before I answer him. "...Only boyfriend?" If, for any reason, we would both be able to make it out of here...I couldn't ever see myself with anyone else. That's not happening, but...but he'll always be my boyfriend. No matter what. ~

"Only?" For once, it seems like he isn't referencing his imminent death. I think he truly means he only wants me. "Whatever you want, Peeta. You can have it." ~

"I...I only want you." ~

"Damn. Then have me, you will." I reach for his hand again. "Whatever you want." ~

"Always?" My voice cracks. ~

He's committed to a relationship that only started at two o'clock this morning. But I guess in the Hunger Games, everything has to be rushed if he actually wants a chance at happiness, no matter how brief. "Sure." I smile at him. ~

And at that moment, I forget that we're in the Hunger Games. I forget that I'm going to die soon. I forget he is from District Two, and that I am from District Twelve. I forget that there are cameras around. I just kiss him. I kiss him, and never want to stop. ~

"Why, thank you," I say when he finally stops kissing me after a _very_ long time. ~

"Thank _you_." ~

"There's nothing to thank me for." ~

"I feel like I have everything to thank you for." I yawn again and shut my eyes. "You'll always be my boyfriend, you know...no matter what." ~

"Nice to know." I laugh and close my eyes again. "You're good, Peeta. You're good." ~

"...So are you, Cato. You're a good guy." I begin drifting into some state of sleep. ~

A/N: And there you have it! There's bunches more where that came from, so review and maybe I'll post some more chapters today!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Chapter 7! Just because you all are wonderful and I feel terrible for disappearing without notice. :c (Cato's POV)

"Mhm." Before I know it, I lose all sense of the world and fall asleep. Everything is out of control in my mind. Who am I? What am I? How could something happen so fast...do I like this boy for real? No, I think I'm starting to fall harder than like. And it sucks. It doesn't suck because I can't resist his adorable, cautious personality, but because the Games will have to end eventually. I don't want them to end. I could've had anyone. All the girls threw themselves at me. I probably had my choice of guys, too, if I really wanted. But instead, I chose the one that I wouldn't be able to keep. Damn it, Peeta. ~

I'm finally given a peaceful sleep on Cato's arm. I feel warm and safe for the first time in a while. Since before the Reaping. I dream of a world where there weren't any Games, and Cato and I met in some other way. And that we were able to stay together. That something so right didn't have to be cut off by an untimely demise, and that we didn't have to treat every moment as if it could be our last. ~

My sweet sleep is interrupted by a sudden _BOOM!_ I shoot up immediately and look to Peeta...who's sleeping. _Sleeping_. And that noise sounded oddly like a cannon. "Peeta?" I turn to my right a little bit and kneel beside him. "Peeta!" ~

I wake up, and can't move. My eyes won't even open. I still feel Cato by me, and I hear him saying my name. I try to answer, but I cannot. I hear a loud boom, but I know it's not for me, because I'm here, conscious...just immobile. Damnit. ~

"Peeta, wake up, please!" I let him fall asleep. He probably fell into a coma and died. Stupid! "I told you not to sleep...come on, wake up!" I can't control what happens next; a tear actually falls. Fuck! "Peeta, I'm sorry..." ~

I'm okay! I want to shout. I can't, though. I can't shout. I can't speak. I can't even whisper, or give him some sort of nod telling him that I'm okay, that I'm alive. I shouldn't have slept. He asked me one thing and I couldn't even do that. ~

I start to sob at what I'm about to say. Now, I don't even sound coherent, really. "I mean, I'm sorry about what I said last night...that I liked you." I wipe my face on the sleeve of my jacket. "During my short nap this afternoon, I thought about it...I loved you." I do, with all my heart. I'm a fool for him. ~

He...what? Did...did he just admit he loved me? But now...now he's crying. Does he think I'm dead? No, no, Cato, I'm here, right here... Please, stop crying. You can't cry. ~

"I don't know, there were just...things that I liked about you. We're more alike than we thought, which is a good starting point...then just, the entire time you were telling me about how people didn't like you...I just wondered why." I kiss him on the forehead before standing up. "I...just hate that all of Panem is hearing me say this, but...you're not." ~

I hear you! His voice gets more distant. Is he leaving? Please, don't go. I'm here, love. Listen for my heart. It's beating! I'm just immobile...please don't leave. I can't follow you. But I'll find a way. I swear, I'll find a way to follow you forever. ~

"Peeta...?" I stand about five feet away from him. When he doesn't respond, I sigh. "Forget it." Shaking my head at the ridiculousness of me actually thinking we could've lasted, I turn around and walk away. "Goodbye, Lover Boy." I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'll do. But this is why I told him love is stupid.

The universe-or the Capitol-just takes it away. "You happy, Capitol?" Fuck with me now, I don't care. You've already done enough. ~

No, don't go! I'm begging you, don't leave me here. I said always, and I meant it...and I might have just screwed things up for good. I hear him shout at the Capitol. Was he really that upset? Oh, Cato... Oh, love. ~

I think to myself a lot as I walk along some path. God, I'm so fucking angry right now! With me, with the Games, the world-everyone but Peeta. Everything sucks. I came into these Games expecting to win, and then I just wanted to give it all up for this poor boy from District Twelve. ~

A long time goes by where I'm just freaking out, trying to figure out what's going on with me. In reality, it's only about five minutes, but it feels a lot longer because I can't do a thing. Then, suddenly, I'm able to open my eyes. The movement slowly refills my body and I go to stand-stumbling to my feet. I look around for some sign of where Cato went. ~

Now my head is throbbing from crying. _Crying_. I haven't done that since I was four. This is exactly why I don't let myself get attached to things! And my parents wonder why I never wanted a _pet_. This is why. "Damn it, Mellark," I say aloud, in an attempt to cool off. _It wasn't worth it_. It never is, whatever the meaning of love is. It's a silly thing to feel, especially for another tribute. A tribute from a completely different District. Never again. ~

"Cato?" No answer. I see behind me that the bush by the tree is messed up. He must have gone that way. I start running as far as I can in that direction before I start getting dizzy. I stop and shout, hoping he can hear. "Cato! Stop!" ~

When I hear a hoarse voice calling behind me, I stop and prepare for the worst. "What? If you try anything, I'll snap your skinny ass neck!" Because I have no weapons. Everything is back there. _Great_. ~

"No, I don't want to fight!" I follow his voice. I just have to keep him still and talking. "I..I know!" ~

"You know what? That I'll kill you if you take another step?" I will. ~

I bite my lip and get a little closer in silence. "I know about you and the boy from Twelve." ~

What? I didn't know we were _that_ obvious. "He had a name, you know!" ~

"Peeta Mellark. I know." A bit closer. ~

"What's it to you?" I sniffle as I try to keep my emotions under check. This is terrible. ~

"Nothing...that's yours to know. I don't want to fight." I see him in a clearing ahead and walk up slowly, putting my hand on his shoulder. "I won't fight." ~

I jump when I feel something touch my shoulder, and out of the corner of my eye I see a hand, so I twist my arm to go around the person's head. "Why wouldn't you want to fight me? Hmm?" I don't want any bullshit here. "I can kill you with just a little twist of the neck, remember that." ~

It all happens so quickly, I can barely register everything. "I know you can!" I cry out. "But you don't want to!" My entire body is shaking. ~

"And why wouldn't I?" ~

I'm starting to lose breath. "B...because, you're not a bad guy." ~

"What did you just say?" I loosen my grip a little. Did I just hear that correctly? ~

"You're not a bad guy, Cato," I whimper out. "I know it." ~

"Peeta?" I let go completely and turn around. It's him! "Wait...but you...? Help me out here?" ~

"I couldn't move! I heard you yelling and crying and all I wanted to do was tell you I was okay!" I wrap my arms around him and bury my head into his chest. ~

"But...I heard a cannon, and you...how do I know it's you?" ~

"Ask me anything." I say. ~

The Capitol knows everything. There's nothing that I can ask him that would prove if he's a mutt or if it's really him. So I just stare into his eyes for a few seconds before saying, "As crafty as they are...they could never get you right. Right?" ~

"There's only one Peeta Mellark." I smile. ~

He's barely able to finish his thought because I pull him into the tightest hug ever. "I thought you were gone." ~

"You really think something like that could keep me away from you?" I laugh. "You clearly underestimate my love." ~

"You followed me all the way here?" ~

I nod. "Of course I did. How else would I have gotten here?" ~

"I don't know, I was just so-wait." He said he heard me. _Please_ don't tell me he heard everything. ~

"Wait what?" ~

"You heard what I was saying to you...everything," I say. "Didn't you? Be honest." ~

"I...did." ~

"...Oh." Well, shit. "So you know, now." ~

"I do." He seems nervous about it, so I put my hands on the back of his head, playing with his short hair for a moment before getting on my toes to kiss him, _deeply_. More than we have before..so he knows that I'm here for the long run. ~

Okay, well this kiss just confirms my love for him. I put my arms around his back and lift him off his feet a little bit. When I put him down, I pry him off of me. "I didn't intend on telling you...but it's alright, I guess." ~

"Why not...?" Was he nervous? In denial? Why wouldn't he want me to know? ~

"Because it's new for me." Peeta is the only one I've ever felt anything for. Definitely new. ~

"Don't be afraid...I'm here for you. No matter what." He may try to chase me away with his jerky comments, and he may be nervous...but we didn't have much time. "You've got to be honest with yourself. There's only so much time." I kiss him again softly. "But I swear, even after the Games, Cato...I'll follow you. I'll follow you forever." ~

"That's nice, Peeta." I smile. "I...do love you, you know." I don't mention that I'd want him to win, because I know he'd object. ~

"I...I know." I hold my hands on his broad shoulders. "I'm sticking around as long as I can." I laugh a little bit. "You can't just get rid of me like that." ~

"I don't think I'd want to." I reach up to my right shoulder and take his hand. "Where to, boyfriend?" ~

"Well...I kind of left our stuff back there in a rush to get you." That was stupid, Peeta. "So maybe we should go check for it?" ~

"Fuck!" I grip his hand tighter and pull him along the road. "If we don't get back, someone could take them and we'd be _screwed_." ~

"Sorry!" I yell as he pulls me away. "It's straight along this way!" ~

"It isn't your fault!" I laugh. "I'm the one who stormed off without it!" ~

"I understand that you'd be distracted, though." I squeeze his hand. "We'll figure it out!" ~

A/N: REVIEW PLEASE AND THANK YOU. Haha. Oh god I ship this so hard. If you have your own FFs of them, too, share them with me! I WANT TO READ YOUR FICS. xx


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hooray, long chapter because I couldn't find another natural break in the story! :D

Finally, we reach our old spot. I frantically run around, looking for our packs. There isn't a trace of anything besides food crumbs on the ground near the tree. "Everything's gone." ~

"But...but who? The others weren't going in this area. Were they?" I let go of his hand and look around for a while. "Damnit... We have to get out of here." ~

"They weren't. It could've been anyone." But I still think it was the others...I'd imagine that they would be pretty pissed off that we took off with everything. As to not worry Peeta, I'm vague about the possibility of them coming back. "Let's go. This way!" I take his hand and drag him off in a completely different direction. "We'll find somewhere." ~

"This arena is insane." I look around into the trees as we walk. "Unless you have a pretty good sense of direction, you could get lost so easily.." ~

"There's nowhere to get lost _from_." The only useful area here is the Cornucopia, which is in the center, so that shouldn't be too hard to find if we needed it. "Then again, I can barely tell my left from my right." When I say right, I stupidly raise my left arm. Again, stupid. ~

I laugh at him. "You're wonderful." I lift my arm around him, getting on my toes to put it around his shoulder. "Well then, Mister Directions, where to?" ~

"To...the left." He begins to step in front of me, but I pull him away to the right instead, laughing. "This way." ~

"You're a jerk." I stick my tongue out at him. "Do you want to find a place to settle? It looks like it's going to rain..." I look into the sky, and there are definitely fabricated rain clouds up there. ~

"It's not gonna rain!" Right on cue as I said that, a torrential downpour starts. "Damn it!" I run with him through the trees looking for adequate shelter. "There's nothing around here!" ~

"I guess we'll have to find a thick tree or something for now!" Good thing the jackets are pretty good with the rain. "Damnit!" ~

When I find a thick tree to the right of us in a clearing, I tackle Peeta to the ground and sit on top of his legs. "Is this one good enough?" ~

"It'll do." I smile, pulling him closer in so he doesn't get soaked. "You've got to stay dry, too. I don't want you to get sick." ~

"The rain is still dripping above us." A raindrop lands on my cheek when I look up at the sky. Not wanting us to be completely soaked by the end of the day, I pull my jacket off and tie the sleeves to two low-lying branches so that it would serve as a type of umbrella. "Now you have a roof over your head." I look around for a similar setup of trees that I could maybe use with his jacket, but there's nothing nearby. "I'll just...sit out here, and let you go underneath." ~

"No!" I whine. "I don't want to sit here without you." I stand and step out into the direct path of the pouring rain. "You go first. We'll both fit. You'll see." ~

"There isn't enough room...look, I'll show you." I walk over to the spot at the tree and slide down the trunk. I'm just barely able to fit under our makeshift shelter. "See? Look." ~

"You're only thinking in one dimension." I smile, and walk over to him. I'm already almost soaked, but I digress. I come between his legs, turn my back to him, and sit, leaning back onto his chest. "See?" ~

"You expect _me_ to be comfortable with this?" I laugh. "Can we try this the other way around?" ~

"But I'm smaller!" I smile at him. "If you lean on me, your shoulders will be well above my face." ~

"Well...I don't think that's very fair." I pick him up from underneath his arms and pull him up a little bit more. "But if you're comfortable with this, then so it will be." ~

"But you're uncomfortable, and now I feel bad." I pout a little. ~

"No, I'm not. It feels nice." ~

"Don't lie." I sigh. "You can't let me push you around just because I pout!" I laugh. ~

"_You _push _me_ around? Pfft." I laugh at him. "Really, it's fine. We're both dry now." ~

"Because I'm obviously the biggest brute here." I smile, resting back on him. We lay there for a few moments, venture I speak again. "I always liked the rain." ~

"Why? Because then if clumsy you trips, you can blame it on a slippery ground?" ~

"No." I shoot him a look, but then break into a big smile. "It's because the rain always seemed..unsafe? No, that's not the right word.. Like you didn't want to be in it. So I would have occasion to stay in and snuggle up safe and warm with blankets and pillows and a warm muffin or something." ~

"A muffin or something?" ~

"Well, yeah, I kinda lived above a bakery. Why wouldn't I take advantage?" ~

"Well, it's raining now and you have no muffin to eat." I laugh. "But you still have me to keep you warm." I cough. ~

"You're better than a muffin." I frown slightly. "You're getting sick." ~

"I don't get sick." I start playing with his hair as we talk. "You mean to say I'm better than any food at your bakery?" ~

"Well, yes." I like when he plays with my hair. "I mean, I love both things. But...it's a different kind of love, with you." ~

"And I love you. You're the best." ~

"Psh, no I'm not." ~

"You are," I say, managing through a terrible hacking cough. "That's why I chose you." ~

"I told you that you're getting sick!" I exclaimed, turning to face him and kissing his forehead. "Come on, take my jacket." I pull it off and put it over him like a blanket. He's got to keep healthy to win. ~

"No, you'll get cold. You need it more. I'm fine!" I give it back. "Stop babying me." ~

_"_I'm not!" I force it back on him. "I'm your_ boyfriend_, and I _worry_ about you, so I _want_ you to have my jacket." ~

"I worry about you! Keep it!" ~

I groan. "Why don't I just go under with you? Would that make you happy?" ~

"Oh, under the covers with you?" I smirk, taking his jacket back and laying it over the both of us. "Sounds like something that would make _you_ happy." ~

"Whatever makes you happy makes me happy." I snuggle into him a bit, tucking my head into his shoulder. ~

"Well, I'm _very_ happy right now, so this is good." I cough into my am. "Imagine if we had met at a different time in a different place?" ~

"Then it'd really be perfect.." I sigh. "Nothing stopping us. We could just be...happy. And maybe then, you wouldn't have to regret us meeting." I stare into the rainy sky. "Hey..I have a question." ~

"What is it?" ~

"More of a request, really.." ~

"Yeah...?" Oh no. If he asks me to let him die, I'll have to object immediately. The point of the Hunger Games is to have the best tribute win. And between the two of us, he's the better person in general. ~

"When you win...you have to promise not to forget me. Okay?" That's been my worst fear my whole life. ~

"_If _I win." I correct him. "And I wouldn't forget you." Especially if I'll be seeing repeats of these Games for the rest of my life. ~

"You'll win, if I have anything to do with it." I whisper. "I want you to win. You've got to. For me." There's a look of apprehension on his face.. I know that he wants the same for me. "If something happens to me, and we're not the last two...you have to. Promise me." ~

"I won't let anything bad happen to you while I'm around...I promise, if you do leave, I'll win. That was my original intention after all, remember that." He's lucky he didn't make me promise to win even if we_ do_ end up being the final two. "You know, this isn't all just to play with you...I truly do want you to win." ~

"Well...that kind of sucks, doesn't it?" We both want each other to win. It can only end badly. "I want you to win...and you want me to. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?" ~

"I want to win!" I laugh. "Feel better about it now?" ~

"Just a bit." I smile and tuck myself under his arm. "I really do. Maybe because I never expected myself to. And when I saw you...I suppose I can't picture a world that doesn't have you in it. And if it does exist...I don't want to be a part of it." ~

"But...you wouldn't be a part of a world where I do exist. And I can't be a part of a world where you still exist." ~

"...And I hate it." ~

I sigh. "Then let's stop discussing that." I pull him closer to me and farther away from the rain. "What else can we talk about?" ~

"Uh...home. Tell me about your life back home. Who do you live with? What's District Two like? ~

"It's just me and my parents." Well, my dad isn't home a lot because of work, but he still lives there nonetheless. "Two is _very_ busy...sometimes I have no idea what's going on around me. I mean, it's not as crazy-busy as the Capitol, but it's close." I pause to let out a sneeze, then continue. "It's okay, though. I like noise." ~

"Like...Like traffic and all? There aren't any cars at all, really, in Twelve. It's pretty quiet, exact opposite, really." ~

"What, do people _walk_ everywhere?" How can anyone manage that? "What about bicycles?" ~

"Bicycles?" ~

"You know, bikes?" He just stares at me, questioning what the fuck I'm even talking about. "The things that you sit on, with the wheels, and you pedal to go forward?" I draw an amateur picture of a bicycle in the damp soil. "You've never seen one before?" ~

I shake my head. "No... Like, a human powered...mini car...with...no roof?" That sounds absurd. ~

I nearly start choking on laughter. "A human powered mini car without a roof? That's something I've never heard before. But I think I'll be calling it that from now on." ~

"...I still don't get what's so funny." I say seriously. ~

"It's...I'm sorry..." I say between coughs and laughs. "I know now you've never seen or heard of them before, but...that was just really cute." ~

"My District's lack of...bisickles? Is cute?" I laugh. "Besides, we don't have a lot of unnecessary things that're made of metal. The metal's usually used for the coal miners tracks. ~

"No...just you, that's what's cute." I lean forward and kiss the top of his head. "And bicycles, not...bisickles." I let out a small laugh this time. "They are completely necessary, though! They can't be using _all_ the metal for the tracks!" ~

"No, but whatever we don't _need_-which is what's used for tracks, or cars-is taken from the Capitol for other things. Whatever they need it for." I sigh. ~

"Well, if I could, I would build you a bike here...but it would probably fall apart, even if I did have all the materials." Maybe if he becomes a victor, he'll be able to buy a bicycle. Hmm. ~

"Well, thank you for the thought." I laugh quietly. "Two sounds pretty great." ~

"It's alright." I don't want to make him feel bad about being from Twelve. I'm talking about all these awesome things that we have in Two-still not comparing to the Capitol-and he doesn't even know what I'm talking about. "What else goes on in Twelve?" ~

"It kinda sucks." I can laugh about it now, knowing I'll never see the place again. "I mean, seriously." I know the cameras will cut me off when I start to talk about the conditions in Twelve. "People die on the street all the time because they don't have food. You go to school everyday, make some friends, and sometimes, kids just don't come back in the next day. Because they get sent to work to support their families." ~

I've never had to work a day in my life. "People just...die on the street?" I think in my entire life, I've only ever seen one person on the street, and that was because a couple of my childhood friends sent a homemade toy rocket into his house and set it on fire. _That_ took a great deal to hide from everybody. To this day, I think only they know, besides me. "Well...I'm lucky you live in a bakery, then, right? Food for you." ~

"Not always, but definitely more than everyone else." I can't blame him for being naive to what happens in Twelve. "There's nothing we can do about it. The Capitol doesn't really care about us." ~

"Well, they're missing out. People like you could be littered all over the District, and they don't even care?" ~

"More people die _every_ week than they do in the two or so weeks it usually takes for the Games to happen. We're a pretty big District because of the mines, so that number's never certain. Miners go missing and show up years later, insane... They really don't care." ~

How is there this much of a difference between Districts Two and Twelve? Every time I watched the Games, the tributes from Twelve have always seemed dirty, or weak, or depressed-usually all three. But I never actually imagined it to be _that bad_. Then, if kids make it far enough without dying, they could still get reaped, just like Peeta... "I don't know what to say about that...they _should_ care." ~

"I'd rather be here, to be honest with you." ~

"Because I'm here?" ~

I nod. "I was so scared coming here at first, but...but when I saw you, I thought maybe...just maybe, it'd be okay." ~

"I was waiting for this my entire life, but then after last night...nothing would ever be okay ever again." I frown. "But at the same time, it's completely okay." ~

"I know the feeling..." I sigh. "I'm just happy that...that, well, I'm finally happy." ~

"And I'm happy to bring you happiness." ~

"I wish we could stay here forever, Cato." ~

"I wish we could both make it out alive." But I know that can't happen. That's why it's a wish. "Peeta, you're the brightest thing in the arena...and that isn't just because it's raining." ~

I laugh at him. "You treat me as if I'm perfect. I'm far from perfect, love." ~

"As am I, _dear_." He's lying so much right now. At least to me, he's close enough to perfect. "Stop trying to ruin my pickup line." ~

I smile even bigger as he calls me 'dear'. "Fine, fine." ~

"So uh...what do we do about food?" We haven't eaten since very early this morning and I'm already starting to get hungry. "It's all gone." ~

"I suppose I didn't notice..." I'm used to a lack of food. "Kinda used to it." ~

"Right...sorry, I forgot." Fuck, now I'm going to feel guilty every time I mention being hungry. _Peeta's been hungrier than you, and you're complaining about how you haven't eaten in a little less than twenty-four hours_. I mentally slap myself. "We can figure it out some other time, then." ~

"We should find food eventually, though." I say quickly. That wasn't meant to make him feel badly, it was just to state fact. "We will need it sooner or later. To keep strong." ~

"Yeah, we will..." I cough again. "We will." ~

"Damnit, Cato...You can't be sick. You need to be strong." ~

"I'm not sick!" I protest. "Do I sound or look _sick_ to you?" ~

"Uhm, yes. You sound _very_ sick. You're hacking and sneezing all over the place." ~

"Eh. Allergies." I've never had allergies in my life. ~

"You're a terrible liar." ~

"I must be allergic to boys named Peeta." I laugh. "What a shame." ~

"Does that mean you're leaving me now?" I put on a terribly dramatic sad face. ~

"I probably should...but I can't, _love_." ~

"Hey, hey. No. That's you." ~

"But..." I make my voice sad and pouty. "You don't want to know why I can't?" ~

I sigh. "Why can't you?" ~

"Because you're so perfect...you have me trapped." ~

"Trapped?" I question. "I...didn't mean to." ~

"Damn it, Peeta!" I start laughing, despite the terrible effect it has on my voice. "You ruined my attempt at being corny and cliche like you!" ~

I wrap my arms around him. "See, _now_ you're trapped." I smile. "Mine forever." ~

"No, let me out!" I fake a poor attempt at getting out of his hold. "Damn it." ~

"Like you'd want to anyway." I kiss his cheek. ~

"I'm trapped." I admit defeat. "Why only the cheek?" ~

"What, are you asking for something else? So needy." I smile and kiss his lips softly and quickly. ~

"Ha!" I wipe my mouth with my arm. "I just gave you my sick germs!" ~

"Maybe I took them away. Best possible scenario." ~

I make sure to let out a loud, congested cough. "You didn't take them _all_ away." ~

"Now you're just trying to foil my plans to make you feel better." ~

I lean my head against the tree. "I'll be fine. It's you I worry about." ~

"And it's _you_ that _I_ worry about." ~

"Then I guess we're even." ~

Things go quiet for a little bit and we sit there together, watching the rain. "Oh, Cato." ~

"What is it? Am I boring you?" ~

"Not at all." I smile. "Can you play with my hair some more?" ~

I narrow my eyes at him and smirk. "Why?" ~

"Why're you giving me that look? I just like it when you play with my hair...that's all." ~

"That's an interesting fetish." I laugh, taking some of his hair in my hands. "It's uh...a nice shade of blonde. Were you born with it like that?" ~

"It's not a fetish!" I complain, before sighing and moving on. "Mm-hm. There's never been a Mellark who _wasn't_ blonde...Or a baker." I laugh. ~

"Well, I like it." Smiling, I continue to comb through it with my fingers. "You know, when I saw your reaping, I remember seeing a few other blondes near you. Your brothers?" ~

"No," I laugh. "They wouldn't want to be seen with me, their dorky little brother. A lot of people from the middle class of District Twelve are blonde. Who knows why. But they're a lighter shade of blonde. We're this awkward dirty-blonde color." ~

"Oh, I was about to say...you're the one who got the looks out of you guys." Every once in a while, I have to pull blood clumps out of his hair. "It's not an awkward color, though. It's nice. Perfect for sex hair." ~

My heart stops a little and I blush slightly. "And you'd be the perfect judge of that?" I manage to get out. ~

Ruffling his hair a little bit, I say, "I'm the perfect judge of everything...and I judge you as perfect." ~

"You're such a cheese. I really did rub off on you." ~

"I told you I could pull it off if I really wanted to." Well, it's true. Even if perfect doesn't exist, Peeta is still pretty damn close. And here I thought I'd never say that about someone, but here he is. ~

"Fine, fine, you win this round." I laugh. "And unlike you, I'm not mean. So you get a prize. Pick." ~

"The ultimate sex." ~

I don't know if he's bluffing or what, but for once in my life, I don't blush. I call it. "Alright then." I grab the front of his shirt and pull him up to me. "Do it." ~

Then, I don't do it on purpose, but I sneeze right in his face. "I'm sorry!" ~

"That's unfortunate." ~

"I'm so sorry," I say, laughing nervously. "I didn't mean to!" I lift up the bottom of my shirt so I can wipe his face clean. "That was _quite _unfortunate." ~

"It's _very_ unfortunate, because I was going to let you screw me, here and now..." I smile a bit. "But you kind of killed it." ~

"I wasn't going to, anyway." Not on national television. If we had privacy, maybe I would. I don't completely object to the idea, but it's way too soon. Maybe tomorrow. "It doesn't matter if I killed the mood. I know you still want it." ~

"Well, look at you!" I exclaim. "Of course I do!" I laugh aloud. ~

"Look at you!" I mimic him. "You're a pathetic fool for sexy guys like me!" ~

"No, just you." I laugh. "I'm a lovefool for you." ~

"And I for you." ~

"Just works out well, doesn't it?" ~

"Yes, it does." I hug him tightly and start playing around with his hair again. "How did I get so lucky?" ~

"Well, I don't know about you, but I've had some crap luck in my day. So it figures that just as things are about to be worse than ever...I get some fantastic luck." ~

"Yep, some great luck here," I say, partially sarcastic. Of course, we're lucky to have each other, but it's the worst luck in the world that it'll have to end. "I can't escape you, Peeta...we're doomed together. Doomed." ~

"...Is that such a terrible fate?" ~

"It could be, but I'll go with no for now." Still not glad we met. He's such a life ruiner! "Are we fated to be with each other?" ~

"I think that...because I met you, I've been changed for the better." I admit. "I don't feel so badly about who I am anymore. I used to hate it. Me." I look up into the tree above us. "But we met in the most unwilling circumstances, and you didn't judge me. You didn't know, and still were my friend. And when I told you...you liked me back. I guess what I'm saying...is that you gave me hope." ~

"You gave me some, too." ~

"And you said no one could love you." ~

"I was wrong, then. I was also wrong about never being able to feel anything." We sit in silence for a few minutes, until I ask, "Why didn't you tell me it was you before?" ~

"When?" ~

"When you ran after me. You didn't tell me it was you." ~

"You were so upset...I didn't think you would believe me...You'd think it was the Capitol or something." ~

"I did, for a minute..." I sigh. "But you're right. There will only ever be one Peeta. And that's you." ~

"The one and only." I grin. "Do you think this rain is going to let up anytime soon?" ~

"I don't think so. It's still going at it pretty hard." ~

"Hopefully no one is traveling in this." ~

"They probably are, you know." Knowing the other Careers, they'll travel all night, rain or shine. ~

"I can hope, can't I?" ~

"Sure, but don't worry about it. I'll save you from them." ~

"My _hero_." ~

"You are _so _corny." ~

"_You_ picked me." ~

"What was I thinking?" That I'm crazy for him. ~

"You probably just felt badly." I pout jokingly. ~

"Yes, I'm with you because I pity you." I stick my tongue out at him. "I actually have someone waiting for me back home." ~

I can't tell if he's being serious or not, but my heart drops. "I suppose you've...got to win, then. To get back to them." Probably her. ~

"Yeah, I bet she misses me." ~

"I...I bet." How could I have been so _stupid_? ~

"We're going to have _all_ the sex when I get back home." I laugh. ~

I move away from him a little bit. "You really think I want to hear this?" I say, hurt, turning from him and leaving the warmth of the jacket. ~

"Um...no?" I look over to him. "I was only teasing..." ~

I look back at him. "You know I take things _way_ too seriously..." ~

"I'm sorry...please come back." ~

I sigh. "Okay..." I crawl back under. "You're lucky you're cute." ~

"I didn't know you'd take it that bad...next time I'll try to remember to not joke about it." I pull him closer and hug him. "I really do want you." ~

"I know." I sigh. "I need to stop being so _touchy_." I smile. "Don't beat yourself up about it." ~

"I like you being touchy..._touchy_." ~

"Now you're just _trying_ to be a suggestive _tease._" ~

"I've been a tease this whole day. I'm not stopping." I laugh. ~

"Yeah, but now you're really just trying to make me blush." I shiver a little. ~

"I live for that." I move the jacket to cover him a little bit more. "Red is my favorite color, after all." ~

"My face matches your jacket." ~

"It does." I laugh. "I'm lucky District Two gets this color. I think it brings out my everything." ~

"_Any_ color would've brought out your everything." I laugh at him. "I mean, really." I say, knowing I'm just blowing up his ego. ~

"You know what brings out the best of my everything?" ~

"...what?" ~

"You." ~

I just smile. He makes me smile. "You make me smile in the worst times, you know." ~

"Do I?" ~

"You do. Throughout all of this, whenever I've thought of you, I've just smiled. Even if it was a terrible moment to." I laugh. ~

"Just try not to think about where we are, okay?" If he really wants to be happy forever, he'll just have to forget about being in the Games. ~

"I'll try." I get back into my position cuddled up against him. "I'll just remember I'm with you." ~

"Good." I put my arm around him to keep him warm, as well as me, because Peeta warmth is the best kind of warmth. "We're good." ~

"_You're _good." ~

"Nah, you're alright too." ~

"First you call me perfect, now I'm just alright?" I smile. "Make up your mind, jeez!" ~

He's so cute. "Only I'm perfect, according to you." ~

"You are. I'm just saying you've got to make up your mind, _love_." ~

Yawning, I say, "You're...you. Amazing." ~

I yawn, too. "Sleep time?" I blink groggily. ~

"With you? Yay." ~

"Yes..Yes, with me. Just...one more promise." ~

"Yeah?" ~

"Promise you'll be here when I wake up?" ~

"Of course I'll be here!" Why wouldn't I be here? ~

"I just...worry." ~

"It'll be fine. I got you." I cough, covering him with the jacket more. "Stay dry." ~

"S-sweet dreams..." I sigh, wrapping my arms around him and falling asleep happily in his arms. ~

"Sleep tight, Peeta," I whisper. He falls asleep immediately-it was a long day, so of course he does-but I don't. I just lie there and listen to his light breathing and slight mumbling. If I listen close enough, I can catch some words like 'fun' or 'ooh,' but I can't completely decipher what he's saying, so I ignore it all for the most part. "Shh, Peeta." I laugh. He seems so vulnerable when he's asleep, more than he usually is. ~

A/N: That's that! I wish that supported colors, because this would be a lot easier for you all to read…but I hope you don't mind! Blah. Review! I love critique. x


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: LEGIT REASON FOR LACK OF UPDATE. Whilst putting in the air conditioning in my room, my father broke my computer charger and the piece is coming in and it said worst case 10 business days…I think I'm facing worst case. I'm on my dad's laptop at the moment. BUT PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND REVIEW. This starts in Peeta's POV.

I can't stop thinking about him, and I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I mean, he's literally all that's on my mind. His face, his voice, the way he holds me, his warmth...I could sleep forever as long as I knew I was in his arms. Because then, I know, I'd be safe. He's in my dreams that night, too. As he was the night before that. Nothing crazy, just kisses, cooing...perfect moments, away from the Capitol and the Games. There's nothing more I would want, than to live a long and happy life with Cato. ~

The rain quiets down a little, but it's still freezing out and I can honestly feel myself starting to get sicker, but if I take the jacket away from Peeta, then he'd be sick, too. So my sickness keeps me up longer than I expected, and as I'm finally about to go to sleep, I hear twigs snapping in the distance somewhere. I can hear voices talking, too. And I can't exactly hear most of what they're saying, but I do recognize the voices. Oh, do I.

I slip out from under Peeta, careful not to wake him, and cover him completely with the jacket so that they wouldn't see him. Honestly, they'd see me if I stayed, so I go as quietly as I can around the trees so that if they do see me, Peeta's location wouldn't be given away, too. ~

For a moment, things get very cold. But then I get used to it. The feeling really isn't that bad. I smile to myself, content in this sleep. This perfect, peaceful sleep. And Cato. The past few hours have gone by so quickly that I can hardly believe it. I ignore that we're in the Hunger Games. I just recognize that we're together. I finally have someone. Someone to call my own. ~

"Where are they? It's _cold._"

"Shut up!" a familiar hushed voice says. "You'll scare people off!"

Now, I can see them. All three of them are there, carrying all of our stolen packs. Bastards. Not only that, but they're hunting us down. Just like I thought they would. But worst of all, they're only about ten feet away from Peeta, who is completely unaware of what's happening.

"Clove, you think we're getting close?"

"Shh!" ~

Suddenly, my eyes flit open to voices. I can't really recognize them quite yet through the rain, so I do everything I can to try and get back to sleep. That is...until I realize Cato isn't next to me. I can't move. Frozen in place. Feigning sleep. ~

If they get any closer, they'll see him, and then they'll kill him. And I know that eventually, one of us will have to die, but I'd want us to at least say goodbye first. But this can't end here. I need to save that boy, protect him until the end. Which is _quite literally _the exact opposite of what I came here to do.

"Hey," I cough, "you losers." ~

That voice...that's Cato. Who's he talking to...? I squeeze the jacket a bit closer to my body, clutching it for any form of warmth. I'm terrified it's the other Careers, come back to finish what they started. Was he with them the whole time? I'm used to being made a fool of like this, but...no, he wouldn't. I know it. ~

"Where are you?" Clove asks hopefully, looking around for me.

"Over here." I step out from behind the tree. "What're you guys up to?"

"Looking for you and that weak loser from Twelve." Glimmer drops her bags, probably annoyed with the weight of it all.

I force a genuine-sounding laugh out. "Yeah..." _Quick, give them a story._ "I had to chase the idiot down for our packs...but I see you got them. Good work." ~

I inwardly sigh in relief. He is on my side. He's trying to protect me. But...how close are they? This can only end up poorly if they find out any lies. We can't be unprepared, but...we have no weapons. They have all of our weapons. Peeta, think.

And nothing. Absolutely nothing comes to my mind. I poke an eye out to see, and they're maybe five feet from me... Oh god. ~

"Well, then where is he?" So maybe Marvel isn't one to fall for things as quickly as others.

I almost say that I finished him off earlier, and that's what the cannon was, but it could've been their kill. Then everything would fall to shit. "Around...you know. I was waiting to meet back up with you guys. Then we could do it together, like we planned." I've had this death planned ever since before the Games started. But now...I can't. I wouldn't. Ever. "You were right. We could've finished him off before, instead of wasted time. Worthless."

On the other hand, Clove accepts me with open arms. Physically _and _figuratively. "That's the spirit, Cato!" And she runs over and hugs me. Oh, _great_. This shit again. ~

She literally runs OVER me. One foot. Me. Other foot. So close, if I'd moved an inch, she would've stepped on me. That was too close. Too close for comfort. But then, she's all over him. And of course, I'm jealous. I'll warn you right now; I'm the jealous type, and I'm not so great at hiding it. ~

Just to keep up the act, I hug her back. "Good to be with you again, Clove. Both of you, too." I need to divert them away from Peeta. As soon as possible.

But the other two don't seem as convinced. Glimmer says, "Why did it take so long to look for him-"

"Shut up!" The voice is practically screaming in my ear. "I finally have him back and you're _doubting_ him?" She turns back to me. "I have _hot food _from the Capitol. They wanted to eat it a few hours ago, but I said we should wait until we find you. So...let's eat..." She brushes against my arm. Okay then.

"And then we hunt him down?" I smile. Not because I want to kill him, but because I know it's not going down like that. ~

Please, please Cato. Just get her away. She's inches away. Inches. And I'm so terrified, I'm afraid my shaking is audible. Go. Eat your food. Please. ~

"Yes! I knew it, I knew it! You were all buddy-buddy with him this morning so that we can have one big kill tonight! _So that he can cry_, right? Those are my favorites." Oh, how that sickens me.

"Of course, would it ever be anything else?" Except for the fact that I love him. "He'll stream tears at my betrayal." I take her by the hand and start pulling her away a little bit, while the others hesitantly follow. ~

I'd normally get extremely nervous at hearing that, if I didn't think he knew I was listening. But he was. That I knew. I'm finally able to breathe, cracking my back slightly and trying to conceal myself a little bit more in the bushes. ~

Then, she kisses me on the cheek. "I've been wanting to do that for _days_."

Okay...how do I even respond to that? ~

My stomach is in knots. Someone has to back off here. Why doesn't he say something? I mentally slap my forehead. Duh. Because that'd give everything away. But I can at least take her...he could take the other two. It's plausible. ~

"I've been waiting for you to do that." It's true. Days were spent with me wondering when the hell she would finally put the moves on me.

"Oh, good..." And she leans in for another one. On the lips this time. No, no, no, no, _no._ _God no._

Do I push her away? Or...kiss her? What the fuck do I do now? ~

Alright. That's it. I quickly stand up, "Stop." The shock at a minimum would at least stop her for a moment. After all...she's been waiting for this. She said it herself. ~

"Who-" She turns around. Goddamn it, Peeta. "It's him! Glimmer, Marvel, back up!" She excitedly pulls my sword out of one of the packs and hands it to me. "Kill him!" ~

Perfect. She gave him a sword. "I don't think that's going to be happening." I smirk at her in the darkness, glancing at Cato quickly. ~

"Good luck," she says, giving me another kiss on the cheek. No...I don't really like that one bit. "Do it."

I look between Clove and Peeta. And then down at the weapon in my hand. If I attacked someone, would he be able to help me out? Or would it just get him killed? Hmm. Decisions. ~

"Okay, you _really_ need to back off." I start getting a little touchy. I'm getting a few days of happiness. I'm getting him out of here alive. She's not stopping me. So I charge at her, just thinking about how Cato always says I'm strong, and push her with my arm up against a tree. "You underestimate me." ~

"Let me go!" She begins struggling, but to no avail. "Cato!"

For a moment, I stand there awkwardly, but then I happen to glance over at the other two, where Marvel is preparing to throw a spear at me. Peeta and Clove are out of range for them, blocked by a couple of trees and bushes.

I duck down just in time for the spear to impale the tree behind me. "Thanks for the weapon, guys. Really appreciate it!" I yank it out and hold it above my head as a taunt. And now they're scared. Good, because now I have a long-range weapon.

"Let me go!" ~

"Why on _earth_ would I let you go? You want me dead!" I look over to Cato. "You're okay, right?" I give him an assuring nod, keeping my grip on Clove tight. She really has a thing for him. But he's not interested. Not at all. ~

"I'm _peachy_." I get into attack stance just in case the others attempt to pull something.

"Cato...! Help!" she screeches.

"I'm not involved in this." This is his battle. ~

"You were planning on killing me from the start. You're a generally _vile_ person. And you're trying to take away the little bit of happiness I've ever had. Why on earth should I let you go?" ~

"You're no match for me! Just go away!" I shout at the others. "Just leave!"

"What _happiness_? We're both going to kill you, Twelve." She looks at me, with a hopeful look in her eyes. We were both supposed to kill him. ~

"I think you're in for a little bit of a disappointment if you think that's what's going on here." ~

"That _is _what's going on. I _love _him. And he's in love. He told me himself. _Love._" Clove stops struggling since it's starting to burn her out a bit. "Right, sweetie?"

I am in love. "Right you are, Clove." ~

"But did he tell you with whom?" ~

"Me, obviously. He _threw _himself at me before we even entered the arena."

If saying 'hi' is her definition of throwing myself at her...I wonder what 'I love you' would actually be classified as. ~

"I have reason to disagree with that." Come on Cato. Back me up here. Somehow. Please. ~

Sometime during this whole episode, the other two fled with a bag or two. Apparently, they were too lazy to take everything with them. What a shame.

"I...think this should end here. Peeta, let her go." District Two will _hate _me if I just let my partner die like that. No matter how obnoxious. ~

"She'll kill me." I say, some of the fear showing in my voice. ~

"See? He loves me!"

"You can't just hold here there forever, Lover Boy." ~

"But I can't just let her go, either." I glare back and forth. I don't know what's taken over with me. I'm not generally a violent or mean person...at all. But this is kill or be killed. Especially with Clove. She's out for me. ~

"Yes, I'll _kill _you if you let me go. I'll get you dead even from this tree! CATO!"

I sigh. I can't win. "Do what you want." ~

There's nothing else I can do here. Only one option. "I want to kill her." ~

Coming from the boy who didn't want to kill if it wasn't necessary. "What?" I ask him. ~

"It's her or us. And it's going to be her." ~

"'_Us'_?" Her expression becomes even more worried at the prospect of death, and I do feel bad for her, no matter how obnoxious she can get...but it's the Hunger Games. Kill or be killed.

"Yes, us." I hand a spear to Peeta. "I am in love. But...not with you, and you know that. There's only one person who I truly like here, and it isn't you." ~

And with that, I take the spear and stick it right through her stomach, somewhat deep into the tree, too. I killed someone. There is blood on my hands. I want to throw up. ~

The cannon sounds.

"Let's...clear out." She wasn't bad. She was like me. But if not her, then Peeta. I'd rather keep _him _around. ~

"Uh..uh-huh." I pull my hands away from her slowly cold growing body. I stare at them for a second before stepping away. I've killed someone. Cato begins walking away, grabbing packs...and I just follow, unable to think. I didn't want to kill anyone. ~

"Come on, faster. We've got food." I take him back to our camp setup and lay the supposed hot food under my jacket. "Smells like some type of meat." ~

"O...okay." I don't think I can eat this, as hungry as I am. She brought this here. I'm starving, but I might just let it all back out if I eat it. ~

"Hey...are you okay?" I look up. He hasn't sit down yet. "Peeta?" ~

"I...feel sick." All I can smell is the blood now. ~

"No, one of us is already sick!" I reach up to him, holding his jacket. "Put this on." ~

"No," I take the jacket anyway. "I feel like I'm going to throw up." ~

"Why?" ~

"I killed her." ~

"That's kinda why you're alive now..." ~

"That doesn't make me feel any more right about it." I sit, holding my head between my knees. "I never wanted to kill anyone here." ~

"It's alright. Only one person can get out..." I scoot closer to him. "You were just helping." ~

"I just want to protect you." I'm being honest. We may have only met, but for some reason, I've just felt the need to have him out of here. More than my own need to live through this. ~

"And you did." I hug him. "You'll be okay." ~

No, I won't. "You will be." I take the warmth in his hug with a small smile. ~

"I love you." ~

It makes my heart skip a beat. "I love you, too." I whisper, pulling him close and not letting go. It's keeping me sane, my love for him. I'd be terrible if I was on my own here. ~

"Calm down." I turn his face ever-so-slightly towards me and kiss him. "No matter what you do here, you're still-" Another kiss. "And you'll always be...my boyfriend." ~

"...Thank you, for all of this." ~

"No, thank _you_." ~

"No, really." I look up into the sky. Still dark and cloudy. "I mean...I know all of this could mean nothing after everything's over. That you'll probably move on when you've won, but..." I sigh longingly. "You've made the past, and to-be final days of my life the happiest I've ever had." ~

The thought that I could make someone that happy is strange to me. But I won't question it. It sounds like I'm all he has. "I just said always. I won't move on, if you don't want me to." ~

"I want you to be happy." Whatever that entails, do. ~

"Then I'll stay yours." I like being his. Something tells me that he's the only one who would actually keep all of me. ~

"...Even after my cannon's fired?" ~

I don't want him to die anymore. "Even after the cannon is fired." ~

"You have to win for me." I whisper, taking his hands in mine. If I can't get out of this, I want him to. I wouldn't want it any other way. ~

"I promise, if you don't win, then I'll win for you. Anything for you." ~

"I don't want to win, Cato." I don't want to go back to that hellhole. ~

"So you just come along for a few days, and then disappear?" ~

"We met for a reason, I think. I think everything that happens in this world is for a reason, be it good or bad." ~

"So do I..." I sigh. "But this? Us?" ~

"What about it?" ~

"You really think we were meant to meet here? What for? So that you can die some painful death and I can go home?" ~

"So that you can go home a better person than you came in. So I could genuinely smile for a bit of my life." I look him in the eyes. "I think so." ~

"Whatever you say, goes." I pull him to the ground with me and let him cuddle up next to me. "Whatever the reason, it's nice." ~

"It is...much better than having the long, lonely days and nights." I sigh, cuddling into him. "You and me...we'll be the last two." ~

"As far as I'm concerned, we're the only two." ~

"I like the way you think." We may have come from totally different worlds, but I get on with Cato more than anyone from Twelve. Those jerks hated me. ~

"I like the way you look." He's a cute little blonde teenager. With a great smile. Who wouldn't like that? ~

"I like everything about you, really." ~

"Oh, please. You're perfect." I roll my eyes. ~

"I'm far from perfect. You'll learn that someday. Maybe when you go see Twelve and see how happy the people there are that I'm dead...then you'll get it." ~

"They can't hate you that much..." What did he do to make them hate him so much? "I don't want you to die." ~

"If one of us has to...I want it to be me." He had to go on. Find more reasons to laugh and smile every day. ~

"No," I sneeze, "I don't want either of us to go." ~

"Put on a jacket!" I exclaim. "Someone has to." ~

I look up at the sky. "But it looks like rain. We need shelter." ~

"Well...where were you thinking?" I didn't remember seeing a lot of places except a cave a while back. ~

"Just...the jacket." I point above at our setup. "I'm too tired to go looking for something else." ~

"Okay...in the morning, maybe." I sigh. It's definitely going to rain. "We can cuddle up to make sure you don't get any more sick, okay?" ~

"I definitely wouldn't object to that," I cough, leaning up against the tree the way I was before. ~

"We should get you somewhere safe tomorrow, so you can get better..." ~

"I'm more concerned about getting_ you_ somewhere safe...but we can compromise and both be safe there." It's just a stupid cold. I'll be fine. Him...I'm not so sure. ~

"But you have to last longer..." I pull the jacket over the both of us. "You've got to be more careful." ~

"I _told_ you I'm reckless." Some stupid little cold won't kill me. ~

"For me?" ~

"Sure," I sigh. "Can I sleep? My head and throat hurt." ~

"Yeah...now that the sleep's not going to have any other interruptions..." I sigh. It's quiet for a while before I speak. "Cato?" ~

"Hmm?" I open my eyes and see him looking up at me. "What is it?" ~

"You don't think I've...changed, do you?" ~

"I've only known you for two days. How would I know?" ~

"I'm...just asking." Especially after what happened, I'm sure I've changed somehow. "I wanted to die here the same person I came in...and I couldn't even manage that." ~

"Well, you don't seem any different from this morning." ~

"Except I killed someone." ~

Pulling him closer to me, I say, "Kill or be killed, it's going to be okay." ~

"I...guess you're right." ~

"Of course I am, sweetheart." I kiss the top of his head. We'll be alright. ~

_Sweetheart._

Oh god, no.

I can't make myself respond. I can't choke out the words. I can't even tell him not to call me that. I never wanted to think about that time ever, ever again. ~

"Is something wrong?" ~

"N...no." I lie. I won't let any of that get in the way of the next few days with him. I can't ruin my own happiness. I can't let them do it again. ~

"Stop stuttering," I laugh. "I shouldn't be making you so nervous now. We've been dating for like, a whole day." I make it out to sound like it's been so long, when really, it hasn't at all. ~

"Best day ever." ~

"Love you." ~

I let out a big yawn. "Love you...too." ~

"Love you more." ~

A/N: And there it is. I'll post as many more chapters to amend for my lack of laptop while I have access to this computer…please review! And if you have tumblrs, leave them in your reviews, too! :) I'd love to chat with ya'll! Xx (Peeta)


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hi everyone so you're either going to hate or love this chapter but it has so many feels and I just sobbed my eyes out rereading it I hope you're all happy. By the way, Sam, who writes Cato would like you to know that if you didn't cry in this chapter, she didn't do her job. Starts with Peeta's POV.

That's what I hear as I fall back asleep, knowing that it's safe for now and that I'll probably wake up in his arms. Part of me wonders what the people back at home are saying. Thinking. Laughing, probably. ~

"Peeta? I'm waiting for the 'no, I love _you _more'..." He's asleep already! "Goodnight, then. I'll love you more in the morning." Finally, my eyes give out and allow me to sleep. ~

When my eyes creep open on what I assume to the next morning, Cato's still asleep. He looks so docile asleep. I start fixing his hair in front of his face, carefully touching his porcelain skin. ~

That night, I have the worst possible sleep of my life. Dreams of killing him, like I was supposed to. I don't want to anymore. "_I'm sorry...please don't die_." I don't want to kill him. Not now, not ever. ~

I hear him whisper. "Shh... No one's dead." I say into his ear. "You're only dreaming, love..." ~

I stabbed him through the heart. "_I'm sorry, Peeta,_" I tell him as I watch him bleed to death. Crying, both of us. How did I let myself get this attached? ~

"Cato...please, wake up." I shake him gently. "It's Peeta. There's nothing to be sorry for." ~

"PEETA!" I scream as his cannon fires. What a mangled, bloody mess. ~

I quickly press my lips against his to wake him up. I can't hear him yell anymore. "Cato!" ~

Oh god. "Peeta?" I keep my eyes shut tightly and feel around me. Then, I grasp an arm. "Hello?" ~

"It's me...I'm right here." I kiss his forehead. "Don't worry." ~

"I-" I let out a loud, hacking cough and open my eyes. "Hi..." ~

"Are you okay?" I know nightmares, and they're not pleasant at all. ~

"Physically, no. Mentally, a little better now that you're here." ~

"You were just having nightmares..." But he screamed. People could find us. "We have to go somewhere safe...it stopped raining, but we need shelter." ~

"My entire body aches, Peeta." All I want right now is a tissue. I had no idea I was so susceptible to colds. ~

"Do you..." I sigh. "Do you want me to carry you?" I begin grabbing our packs, the two jackets, then reach my arms out to him. "I think I could." ~

I laugh at the ridiculous idea. "I doubt it, but go ahead. I dare you to try." ~

I put my right arm through his left and under his back, and my left under his knees before lifting him into the air with ease. "For such a muscled guy, you're really not that heavy." I comment. He's lighter than the two bags of flour I'd carry around the bakery at home. ~

"Where are you taking me?" ~

"I figured I'd walk along the river for a while. When we were first around there, there were some more wooded areas and I think a cave...hoping for the cave, really." It's probably safest, where the least people will be able to find us. ~

"Oh, spending time with you in a cave? That sounds exotic." Sounds nice. ~

"Exotic?" I laugh. "Everything here's exotic-nothing's _real_." I begin walking with him in my arms. "But if you wanna think of it that way...I won't object." ~

"No, I mean you...me...alone in a dark cave." ~

"Do we have the same definition of exotic?" I blush slightly. Okay, I correct myself from earlier. _Very, very_ forward. ~

"I hope so." I smile. I think he knows what my definition of exotic is. "I was hoping a little bit...more intimate." ~

That makes me blush harder, and causes my heart to pound faster. "I-I...can deal with that." That would be more than good. Makes me a little nervous...but I want to. ~

"Good. Because I won't take no for an answer." Well, if he didn't want to, I would take no. I'm not pressuring him into anything. ~

Luckily for my suddenly sex-clogged brain, the cave I'd seen earlier is getting closer. So I don't have to think of a logical response. "Look." I nod ahead to show him where we're headed. ~

I turn my head in the direction of where we're headed. "Oh yay," I cough. "Can you nurse me back to health when we get there?" ~

"I'm not much of a medic," I admit, smiling, "but I'll do my best." ~

"You know how to make me feel better." ~

"No," I tease. "I think you'll have to tell me." ~

"Lots of kisses," I pause, "and sex things." ~

"'Sex things'?" I blush a bit, laughing at his terminology. It's hard to believe we only meet about a week or so ago. We come up on the cave, and I kneel down to get inside, dropping a bag before laying Cato down with his head resting on it...just to be careful. "Good?" ~

"Thanks, Peeta." I fluff the bag to rearrange the items in it to make it more comfortable. "And yes, sex things." ~

"Just...your wording. It makes me laugh." Of course, I'm awkward saying things like that, too. But part of me feels like he'd be one to just come out and say it. ~

"What's so funny about my wording?" ~

"'Sex _things_'?" I laugh, kissing his forehead. "I don't know, I find things funny that most people don't. It's a higher level of humor." I joke. ~

"Oh, of course it is." His humor is a special kind. I like it. "The highest level." ~

"Maybe, one day, I'll teach you my secrets. Let you into the Peeta Mellark School of Humor." ~

That one day will never come. "And let me guess, you're the only person who goes there?" ~

"Well, _obviously._" I smile, running my fingers through his hair. "Otherwise, it wouldn't be so exclusive." ~

"And what would Professor Mellark have to teach me?" I laugh. ~

"Well," I sit by him, crossing my legs. "First rule, everything Peeta says is funny. Second rule, everything Peeta thinks is funny...is funny. Thirdly, anything at all has the _contention_ of being funny...as long as no one gets hurt. Seriously. And lastly, anything Peeta doesn't think is funny is _definitely_ not funny." ~

"Those seem like some pretty strict rules...agreeing with Peeta's humor?" I shake my head. "I'd probably flunk out." ~

"I'd keep you around, don't worry. As long as you'd agree to stay for late night study sessions." I laugh. "With snacks and everything." I tried not to think about any of these happy things that we'd never get to have...but bringing them up really did help. It made them seem plausible. Real. I forgot we were in the Games. We could walk outside and be coming out of a pillow fort in the cellar of the bakery for all I wished and dreamed. But...as I've learned before, not all dreams come true. ~

"I'm up for a study session right now." Whatever can make me feel better...bring it on. ~

"No, no," I tease, pulling a blanket out of one of the bags. "You said you weren't feeling well, and though you insist 'sex things' will make you feel better...you probably just need some rest." ~

"I just woke up though..." I hold my arms out to him. "Peeta," I whine, "I know you want some." ~

"I'm only looking out for you here, though." Of _course_ I want some. As nervous as it makes me. ~

"Please," I whisper. ~

I don't answer for a second before crawling next to him and kissing him ever so innocently. "Only because you said 'please'." ~

So that's the magic word. "Thanks, Lover Boy." I pull him closer. "Now, don't you want to earn the title _Lover _Boy?" ~

"...It _is_ pretty misleading..." ~

"Then start _loving _me," I demand, gripping the base of his shirt, asking if I could pull it off. I give him a look that says 'please.' ~

"...You think I'm going to stop you?" I give a small smile, allowing him to go on as he pleases. ~

Excitement overcomes my thoughts as I rush to take his shirt off. For someone who comes from a district that doesn't get much to eat, he isn't bad looking on the chest and stomach. "Nice." ~

Even a simple comment like that gets a blush out of me. "Thanks." ~

"Well, go on." I gesture to my shirt. "It's uh...kinda hot in here." And it's not just the air temperature. ~

"I thought you'd never ask." I grip the bottom of his shirt and remove it. Oh _god_, he's fit. His chest, arms, stomach, _everything._ I can hardly emotionally control myself, pulling him in for a heated kiss, partially driven by my immediate desire for him. ~

Now, we're both naked on our top halves, with our skin rubbing up against each other. The feeling is a little strange at first, but I like it, and he seems to _really _like it, so I keep going. "Oh," I get out in our kiss, bringing my hands down to the waistband of his pants. Waiting for him to let me. ~

"_Please_," I whisper, pulling him closer and almost atop me amidst our second, long, hot kiss. And damn, is he a good kisser. Not like I've kissed anyone else, but...I can tell that he's good. Really. ~

I unzip his pants as quickly as possible and tear them off his legs in just a few seconds. "Peeta's naked." ~

"_Almost_," I correct him. "Can Cato be, too?" I look at him hopefully. ~

"He'd _love _to be." It's getting a little too hot in here for comfort. ~

I take that as a cue to pull his pants down his legs, leaving the both of us in just our underwear. Even that almost doesn't really count because the cloth is so thin and he's so close and _I can hardly even emotionally handle myself at this point._ "Cato..." I say, almost in a moan of need. ~

When he begs for me, I look down at our boxers. "Wow, the Capitol really went thin on the underwear." I kiss him again. "Speaking of the Capitol, I'd like to say that this is probably the sexiest Games they'll ever see." I can't recall anyone getting almost naked with someone else in any of the Games ever. ~

"Let them have their show..." I pant. "All I can think about now is you and me and how badly I need you." ~

He wants me so bad right now that I have to comply. "Then have me." I hug him tightly and kiss him passionately. Oh, how good he tastes. Maybe he tastes like...cinnamon? That's it. "So...good." I slip in tongue with this kiss. ~

Oh_ God. _"You're perfect..." I get closer, if that's possible, wrapping my arms and legs around him in some sort of desperation...as if this is the last and first time we'll have this. ~

"I know." I run my hands all down his bare back and feel something way down low, touching me...and it isn't his hands. Well, _someone's_ excited. "I wish we were able to go all the way here." ~

"We'll never be able to." I whisper, tucking my head into his shoulder. If it's not here, it's never. But I don't know if I'd want that on live television. ~

"Well, why not now?" ~

"I mean...you said 'I wish', so I assumed there was something... Preventing you. Or us. Or something." I rush out. ~

"The Capitol. They can see us, you know...they might screw everything up while I'm screwing you. Like...kill one of us or something." We can't die yet. I want to know more about him, and make sure he knows someone can love him. ~

"Well..." I smile, looking down at our lack of clothing. "_Everyone_ can see us." I laugh, holding his hands. "But I understand...I can't lose you. I promised I wouldn't leave, remember? That it'd be us in the end. I have to protect you till then...and even after, I said I'd find a way to follow you forever." ~

I look down at the ground. "Don't go." Following me forever sounds scary and sad and sweet all at once. I'm not sure I can handle that. "Until the end." ~

"Peeta Mellark doesn't break promises." ~

"Neither do I." ~

"Then I promise that I'll do everything I can to make sure you win these Games." ~

I'll respect his decision to not want to go home, but I don't want to leave without him. He's my only friend. "I'll win for you." ~

"I'll hold you to that." I kiss him innocently, just once, just to show him how happy he's made me. "I wish I could tell you everything about me. I want you to know it all..." But there's not enough time for all of the crap I've gone through. ~

"Maybe one day, I'll find out. I just wish I could tell you about me. You'll find out I'm not so perfect." ~

"No matter what you told me, I'd still think you were perfect. They say that love...is seeing an imperfect person perfectly." I hold his face in my hands admiring him. "But you're just plain perfect." ~

"You're perfect too, sweetheart," I laugh. "Don't sweat it." ~" As perfect as a single person could be, that's him. ~

I want to smile, but only find myself wincing at his words. Sweetheart. I try to shake it off as best I can before opening my mouth again to speak. "...Thank you." ~

"Wait, did I do something wrong?" He hesitated. And made a face. ~

"It's just...a weird thing. I don't like being called sweetheart." I whisper. "If you don't mind." It's so nice sounding. I love the name. But it's forever tainted in my mind. ~

I slowly shake my head in slight confusion. "No, it's fine...dear? You seemed fine with that one before." ~

"That's nice." I smile. "It's just...people back home used it in mock." It's true. Not the whole truth, but most of it. ~

"Why?" ~

"I don't know, just... it had a nice connotation to me, once. But not really anymore." Sweetheart. What a fool I was. ~

"Alright. I won't ask you again." I lean forward and kiss him again. "Sorry if I get you sick." ~

"I can deal with being sick if it's your sick." I'm lovesick. A lovesick boy. I still am a fool. ~

"But you need to stay strong," I laugh. "So that you can help me make it to the end." ~

"I'm obviously stronger than you expected. You didn't even think I could carry you with all the bags." ~

"Well, you did. You're strong, see?" I smile. Self esteem boost for him. ~

"I suppose." I smile, before feeling a little bit of a grumble. "My stomach, however, isn't." Hungry. Definitely. ~

"Your stomach can go look for food in..." I point to one of the bags, "that one." ~

"I can make food." From working in a bakery, you get good knowledge of all different types of food. "You too?" ~

"I think food would be good for me...for my sore throat, crackers, but we ate them all. I don't know what else there is." ~

"I'll go rummaging..." I crawl over in my boxers to the bag he pointed at, zipping it open and looking through. "It's all packaged food and stuff." Definitely not the best for health, but it'll do. ~

"That-" I choke on my own words and go into a coughing fit, "-might be good enough." ~

I think for a moment. "Maybe I can go out and get some berries or something to go with it. Something natural'll do you well." ~

I try to sit up but collapse to the ground from exhaustion. "Without me?" ~

"There are bushes right outside the cave with raspberries and blueberries on them...I'm not five." I laugh, standing to pull on my pants again. ~

"Good, because if you were five, I'd be seven. And I am _definitely _not seven." I think for a moment. "Maybe mentally, I'm seven. But no." ~

"Then I'll go out and get the berries." I pull on the plain shirt I was given to wear today, glancing out of the mouth of the cave. "It's windy, though. Can you toss me a jacket?" ~

Groaning, I feel around for a jacket and toss it to him. "Why are you making me do work?" ~

"Jeez, I just asked." I laugh, pulling it on. ~

"But now I can't be out there to _protect you_," I whine. I don't want him out there alone. ~

"Don't worry!" I shake my head, smiling at him. "You can watch me from the mouth of the cave, if you're so anxious about it." ~

"I just don't want you to get taken out by some random tribute...or one of _them_." ~

"I promised, remember?" I laugh, walking to the mouth of the cave. "Besides, I'm invincible." I put on my best Cato face. "I can't die. Don't you worry about me, _dear_." I mock his nickname for me. ~

"Oh, _Peeta_, you're so strong, and confident, and I _adore _you," I mock him back. It's nice, just fooling around here. That one break of just pure enjoyment and happiness before the Games start taking toll on the both of us. "See you soon, _love_." Because I do love him so. ~

I wave back at him before stepping out into the clearing. It's cloudy, but no one's really around as far as I can tell, which is always good. I step over to a bush with what I know are raspberries on it, take one, holding it up to show Cato and smiling, putting a bunch in my pocket and eating one. So sweet. A few bushes over is one with what appears to be blueberries. They're really good in the muffins my dad makes at home, so I take a few of them, too. Lastly, there's one that isn't so familiar, but they're darker. I know they aren't nightlock, because nightlock is more circular whereas these are more...bunched? Like grapes, almost. I pierce one with my finger and smell it. Smells sweet enough. I take the one in my hand and pop it into my mouth...but it's so bitter. Ew.

But then, everything starts to hurt. Like little pins all over my body. I go to yell out to Cato...but my throat won't make any noise. Little grey specks begin clouding over my vision as my knees grow weak and I fall to them...before everything just goes black. ~

Suddenly, I hear a cannon. Then a drop to the ground. Fearing the worst, I call out of the cave, "Peeta?"

No response.

I put my pants and my shirt back on quickly and run over to the mouth of the cave, only to see Peeta on the ground by a bush. "Peeta!" I run over to him and roll him onto his back. His eyes are closed and he isn't breathing. Oh god. "Peeta, get up!"

No, this was all too convenient. The cannon sounded while I wasn't looking and Peeta thought it would be funny to play dead again. He isn't even breathing right now-he's gotten all too good at this. "Peeta...not funny. Get up before some tribute comes out of nowhere and kills us both for real!" He still doesn't stir, so I slap his face. His cold face. "Peeta, you keep dying on me, and it isn't funny anymore!" My voice breaks on 'dying'. "This better be a fucking joke! It's not funny...I know I have to think things are funny if you think so, but...it just isn't. Come on, Peeta! Before they take you away...I said it isn't funny, Peeta!"

Okay, now I'm _really_ starting to get nervous here. If Peeta being unresponsive isn't bad enough, I see ripples in the water and feel the wind pick up. That's familiar. When I look up, I see something far off in the distance, and I know deep down inside of me that it's a hovercraft coming to take him away.

I shake his stiffening body. "You said you'd protect me all the way to the end! That you'd follow me forever…you're not holding up your end of the deal here, Peeta! You can't do that if you're...dead." I choke on that last word. And I think I'm losing my fucking mind. "Peeta...I love you. Please don't be dead...I need you to be here. We never finished spending our short time together…" The first of many tears starts coming out. Right now, it's only a quiet sob, but I can tell that it'll be getting worse. "But...I'm glad we were together in the first place. I don't want you to be dead. I want you here. You can't just be gone like that." I'm stating the obvious.

The air is getting chillier as the wind picks up. "PEETA!" I slap his unmoving body. "I need you back here now! We made each other who we are today...I was there for you when nobody else was...I made you feel like you had a purpose…and you did have one." I finally collapse onto him and cry into his shirt. "You made me realize that I could love. We were meant to meet here. You...you were the best boyfriend that I could ever have."

It's so close now. "They'll be taking you soon..." I take it in. "I know I'm alone now…and I knew you'd have to go, but why didn't I realize that until now? It's because you...you trapped me in your perfectness, remember? I miss you…dear." All I wanted was to be able to say goodbye before it happened. And I couldn't even have that.

This is when I realize the hovercraft is right above us. Some force inside of me is making me walk away so that the Capitol could collect his body. Standing back at the mouth of the cave, as I watch Peeta get carried up into the sky, I say, "You weren't such a bad guy either, Peeta."

I shut my eyes tightly and leave them closed for almost a minute. Maybe I imagined everything—when I open my eyes, Peeta will jump out from behind one of the bushes or trees and say something stupid like, "Gotcha!" When I really do open them again, the spot where he was is still vacant. So he's really gone.

What I do first is sit inside the cave and stare out into the arena. It seems so peaceful out there. There was no way that he could've gone some other way. He got his wish. He was killed by a plant; it was the nice, calm death he wanted. But he could've said goodbye, at least.

Then, I lie down on the cold ground and think to myself. I'm lying down for I don't know how long, maybe an hour—but I can't tell if I slept or not. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to have to readjust to my surroundings or the bright sunlight shining in from outside the cave. Suddenly, I hear:

_It'll be alright, love._

I can hear Peeta, but I can't move. I'm afraid.

_Cato…please wake up. It's Peeta…please, wake up…_

I shoot up immediately and open my eyes. Looking around, I find nothing and no one. The sobbing comes again for the first time in at least an hour. I cry out, "Peeta, stop messing with me!" Then I lie back down and try to sleep.

_I'm sorry I couldn't protect you._

Then why did you have to leave? You said you didn't want either of us to spend time in the arena without the other.

_I'll follow you forever._

Does this mean you're still here?

I don't hear an answer to my question.

"So it's just me?" I say aloud. The question that comes out of my mouth sounds familiar, though. I think to myself, _sorry, it's just me_. Of course. That's what started my first conversation with Peeta. It's what he said the night he won me over. "Congratulations, Peeta. Emotional and physical checkmate." I sigh and sit upright. "Nicely done," I say to no one.

After endless hours of lying here, I decide that maybe I should get going. The sun is starting to set and still the Games go on. I take a deep breath and start gathering my packs together. There's the food that we never ate, the blankets we never needed—things that I will probably end up using on my journey through the arena. When everything is in the two packs, I feel around in the now-dark cave for my jacket and come across the sleeve.

"I'll win these Games. I'll kill them all for you, Peeta." I slip the jacket on over my arms because I'm finally starting to feel the chill of the air outside. Taking one last look around to see if I'm missing anything, I stand up and start walking to the cave, packs in hand. As I'm about to leave, I put my hands in my jacket pockets for warmth, but I find something in the right pocket. I take the mystery item out and discover that it's an empty wrapper. _What?_ I drop everything, rip the jacket off, and examine it in the light of the setting sun. The first thing I notice isn't the color black as opposed to maroon, but instead, the number twelve stitched into the back. Looking at the damn thing makes me want to die, but I can't afford death at this point. Sighing, I put the jacket back on, pick up the bags, and walk out into the open arena. "I swear it. I'll win like you wanted me to, even if I have to kill them all myself. I promise."

A/N: And…that's that. Let me know how you feel about this and if the experience was as emotionally tumultuous for you as it was for me and my Cato writing it. Also, please let us know if Sam did her job and made you cry…I'll see you all soon, dear readers. xx


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: No more excuses, my laptop charger came in today! So here's another chapter! :D My the way guys, the tildes represent a change into a third person POV that I wrote since, well…Peeta passed on. So the POV will change, I'm just writing the other characters now. Here you go, Chapter 11—Cato's POV.

Months pass and I'm finally home in District Two. Well, I'm in my _new_ home—the one in Victors' Village. It's only slightly bigger than my old home, but it sure is better looking, inside and out. Along with the house comes more food than I've ever had at home, which really says something considering I've always been well fed. My room is bigger, too. That's a good thing if you take into account how much time I spend locked in my room.

Coming back to District Two was interesting, to say the least. Some people kinda hated me for my actions in the Games, others were glad I won because that means I brought our District pride, and my mom was just glad I'm alive. I don't really know how my dad feels since he's always at work, but he's always been a cold person in general, so I can't help thinking he wouldn't really care either way. At least it gave him a better house to sleep in.

I don't have to live with my family, but what can I say? I like the company.

On the other hand, the Capitol absolutely loved us. By us, I mean me and Peeta Mellark. They really buy into that sappy romance shit over there. I don't really understand what was so appealing about our relationship though, since it was so short lived, but at least they don't despise me. And if they loved us so much, why didn't they sponsor us? Did they think we could live without? I mean, we were pretty well off considering we had all of those packs, but still…all that money and not one sponsor.

Speaking of Peeta, sometimes I wonder what it's like back in District Twelve. He said people hated him, but he never told me why. I still refuse to believe it, though. He wasn't all that bad, and he had a cute sense of humor. Are they happy that they finally got rid of him? Is his family still upset, or do they not care? Does anybody miss him?

I miss Peeta Mellark.

Sighing, I roll over on my bed and open the drawer to my nightstand. There are a lot of pointless items in this drawer, ranging from beige notepaper, a book, rubber bands, and a few dull pencils, but there is one important thing in it. I dig through the drawer, underneath everything else, and finally take out a picture frame. In the frame is a photograph of me from right after the Games. I slaughtered every tribute after Peeta like I promised, so of course the Capitol decided it was a great photo op. Especially since my final opponent was Katniss Everdeen, Peeta's partner from District Twelve. The people in the Capitol seemed to think that was pretty ironic.

I don't put the frame on my nightstand—not yet. I just hold it in my hands as I lie on my bed, staring at it. My face in the picture looks nothing like me at all…or at least, not the old me. I look so lost in this because Peeta wasn't with me. He sort of was, though. At least, his jacket was. I won the Games with his jacket. There were nights where I could've frozen to death if I didn't have that jacket because there's no way I would've left a fire going in the middle of the night. Besides keeping me warm, that jacket meant everything to me after Peeta left. That's why I kept this picture. And the jacket itself.

I haven't been doing much since I've been home. For the first few weeks, I refused to eat most of my meals. I just couldn't bring myself to enjoy food. Then I realized that I'd die without eating, which at first, I was okay with, but I gave in and had a huge breakfast of scrambled eggs and pancakes. There were some days where I would go out for long walks, but usually, I'd stay in my room. I had no idea what to do with my life. If there's no Peeta, what's the reason for me being here? There are no more Games to be played. There's no one left to love. No one left to die for.

It's very early in the morning now, maybe two o'clock, judging by how long the sun has been down. I look at the calendar and realize that it's November 1. I remember what today is. Peeta would've been turning seventeen today. I look back at the picture in my hands and soon the glass inside the frame becomes stained with my tears because I lost the boy from Twelve.

I wake up from my rough, depressing sleep to the smell of bacon creeping up from the kitchen. My sleep was plagued with nightmares of Peeta killing himself in a million different ways, about half of them including me killing him myself. Those were some of the worst. In the last one, he said as he was dying: "Cato, love, you're killing me on my _birthday_? I thought you loved me…" And it goes on. I'm just lucky my mom's cooking woke me up. Not that I'm really in the mood to eat.

Today is a good day to take a walk, so I put shoes on, single-knot them, and check the mirror. I don't even bother changing out of clothes anymore; I'm still wearing the same jeans and sweatshirt that I wore yesterday and went to bed in. Socks and all. I walk down the stairs and out the door, not bothering with the food. Maybe I'll eat it later. My mom would understand.

I spend my time outside just walking around, looking at all the places I could hang out at. Shops, the Square, small restaurants...stuff like that. But they're all too public. I just need to find a place for my own. Just to let things go-let myself go. There's just no point in anything anymore. I didn't do what I entered the Games to do. No wait, scratch that. I did. Peeta's death was my fault. I let him leave that stupid cave.

But now what? The Capitol still owns me. I hate the Capitol for everything. They always take away the things I love. Everything just generally sucks now.

First, I walk along the railroad tracks. I could run away, end up in the woods, then let whatever happens...happen. Or I could stow away on a train and go somewhere else. But that's something I don't want to think about. Soon enough, I'll be on that train to District Twelve on the Victory Tour. Two months.

Sighing, I turn around and start walking back to my house. And, just to keep myself a little bit sane for the moment, I quietly sing 'happy birthday' to myself. ~

The square in Two is always busy at this time of day. People rushing around on their lunch breaks, others picking up young children from school, and tribute hopefuls running back to their afternoon combat classes. The post carriers, who base themselves in the Justice Building, all rush out simultaneously, bringing letters and newspapers of all kinds to the people. One has a package, which is unheard of-things like that are very expensive to ship. Even for people from the Capitol. As soon as the young man sees the blonde victor in the crowd, he rushes over, calling out the boy's name. He knows him well enough. He's done the mail in Victor's Village for years now. "Cato!" ~

"What?" I pick my head up and look to the side in the direction of the voice. "Oh, hey..." Although I haven't seen the mail carrier in a while, he still looks familiar. I haven't really been leaving the house much or answering the door, but sometimes I do. So I know him. ~

"You've got a package!" He says excitedly, holding out the medium-sized box wrapped in plain, brown paper and covered in stamps and shipping stickers. "From the looks of the postage, from far away, too. Probably cost a pretty penny to send it here." It's rare for packages to be sent, especially from outer districts, but when it did, it was all normally for Victors. They're the only ones who had reason to contact other places, anyway. ~

Warily, I take the box and hold it up to eye level. It's not heavy at all. Nothing moves around in it. And I have no idea who would be sending me a package anyway. "It has no name on it...? No one knows where it came from?" ~

"Not with a shipping route like that, kid." He laughs. "That box has been through hell and over. But it's probably someone from the Capitol. They're the only ones who can ever afford anything like that-and I wouldn't be surprised if they were interested in you!" He winks playfully. ~

"Ah, yes, of course." They all are now, after seeing what I can do. "Okay, well...thanks for this." I shake it a little. "I wonder what it is." ~

"If I see you soon, I'll be sure to ask! I have to get going on my route now..." He glances at a watch. "But it was lucky I found you! It's going to be a good day. I can feel it." He waves before running off in the direction from which he came. ~

Oh, yes, of course, today's the greatest day in the history of mankind. Nonetheless, I wave goodbye and continue the short walk to my house. I can already smell the bacon, making me hungry. Maybe I should eat soon.

Once I get into my house, I take the package up to my room and lay it on my bed. "Hmm." I start to unwrap the brown paper and pull the flaps off the box inside. At first, I'm confused when I open the box because it's all just a bunch of hay. Then, I move it to the side and see another box. "Really?" I take out the smaller one and rip it open. There's some sort of maroon-colored fabric in it, so I pull it out. It looks like a shirt...

But it's not. It's so familiar. The color, the pattern, the '2'...

"Oh my god," I say, holding my hand to my mouth. It's my jacket from the Games. The one he died in. "Who..." My eyes wander to the box, which has something else in it. It's just a notecard with black, smudged fingerprints all over it. And on it is written:

See you soon, love.

P.M.

"P. M." No. It can't be. "What the fuck is this?" As if on cue, the sobbing starts. "I thought I was done with this fucking shit!" I crumple the note and throw it onto my nightstand. Then, I focus my attention on the jacket. Who the hell would send this shit? And sign it P.M.? There must be a lot of sick fucks out there.

I roll the jacket into a ball and toss it out the window. I don't want it in my house. ~

A/N: People are just mean to Cato is all. :/ Let me know what you think with reviews. xx


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Here's another because I like you guys. ;D POV starts in third person.

A younger boy with dark brown hair and a hoodie on, walking by the Victor's Village, spots the red jacket fly out if the window and picks it up, taking it to the door if the house and ringing the bell. An attractive blonde woman opens the door, coming from the kitchen. "Yes?" She asks politely.

"This kinda fell out of a window of your house..." The boy holds the jacket out to her. "I brought it here in case someone dropped it." ~

Maybe I'm starting to go insane again. I probably thought that getting that jacket back would bring him back too. I'm just bringing back everything.

Where'd that jacket go?

Did I really throw it out the window, or was it just never here?

No, it was here. Because the box it came in is still on the floor. The notecard is still on my nightstand. "Fuck everything," I mutter, kicking the box across the room. ~

"Thank you," She smiles, taking the garment and looking it over before calling up to her son. "Cato?" She goes up the stairs and cracks open the door. "A boy just brought this to the door...said it came out the window." She laughs. "Is it yours?" It looks it, but she won't assume. ~

It's a fucking boomerang. It won't stay away. "Sort of." I get up off the bed and take it from her. "I just...don't want this in the house anymore." I walk back over to the window, throw it out, and shut it. "Tell him not to give it back. I don't want stuff like that here." ~

The woman is slightly alarmed at her son's actions, but after the last few months, she's gotten used to it. "Okay..." She closes the door over and walks back down to the boy. "He was getting rid of it on purpose." She shrugs. "But thanks, nonetheless."

The brunette nods and goes to leave, before turning back. "Ma'am, did you say that was Cato? The boy from our District who won the games this year?" She nods. "Do you...do you think he'd talk to me? I was thinking of volunteering next year, and I was just...curious to hear it from someone who's done it before."

Normally, his mother wouldn't even ask. But she knows that her son regrets volunteering now...and that it's an important topic for him. Sighing, she heads back up. "Cato...? The boy wants to talk to you." When all she gets from the other side if the door is silence, she speaks again. "He's thinking of volunteering." ~

Obviously, volunteering is a shitty idea. But whatever. "Send him up," I sigh, lying down in my bed and smushing my face into a pillow. That's always a stress reliever. ~

She waves the hooded boy up, who hesitates before stepping into the room with a bit if a coughing fit. "Hi." He says hoarsely, looking around and the room and tall man in it. ~

I continue staring at the wall in shame. I'm ashamed of having volunteered. So this will be a difficult discussion. "Hey," I say coldy. ~

He doesn't know how to begin. "What was it like?" ~

"You think you're there for a reason. But really, it just ends badly for everyone." It ended badly for twenty-three other tributes because they died. It ended badly for me because I'm dead on the inside. "Why would you volunteer?" ~

"I really don't know," he pauses, sticking his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. "It just...my friends made it seem like the cool thing to do, but I don't know." ~

_Not that. _"Your friends are stupid. Sorry." ~

"I don't really know why they were my friends anyway. But...if you think volunteering is so bad-I mean...I agree with you-but why did_ you_ do it?" ~

"Personal reasons." If he doesn't already know, I don't want to trouble him with my reasons. "No offense, but I don't really want to share them with someone I'm not close with." ~

"No, I get it. It's do or die in there, though. I think that kid from Twelve was right, if it means anything to you. You did what you had to, to keep a promise. You aren't all bad." ~

Great. Now I have someone else telling me I'm not bad. "Listen, I don't really want to talk about Twelve. He's dead. I want to move on." I can't move on. ~

"Sorry." He pauses. "You really cared about him, though, didn't you? You never called him Twelve once in the Games." The boy isn't trying push buttons, just get answers. ~

"What's it to you?" I really, really did care about him. I still do, even after his cannon's fired. "If I did, why care now?" ~

"I was just asking... Things like that don't happen much in the Games because the love can never last. As many promises are made...even if one lives, they eventually forget. I guess that holds true." ~

I sigh. "Between you and me?" I pull the blanket over my head. "I care, alright? Can we just...stop discussing it?" ~

"If you do care, then why stop?" ~

"I don't know, alright?" I push the covers off and sit upright. "Just forget I-" The boy is just staring at me with hopeful, blue eyes. It's hard to tell because I'm sitting, but he seems a little on the short side...not good for a volunteer. But that face...the only thing that throws me off is the dark hair. Despite that, a chill is sent up my spine at the uncanny resemblance. "Peeta?" I'm insane officially. ~

I allow myself to smile. "I promised I'd follow you forever, didn't I?" ~

No. No. _No_. The fucking Capitol is at it again! I stomp over to him, grab his shoulders, and pin him against the wall. "What are you?" ~

He thinks I'm a mutt or something. "Cato, it's Peeta! It's me! I'm the one who sent the package!" ~

"PEETA'S DEAD!" I take him by the collar of his hoodie and bash him against the wall. "I finished the Games, alright? What do you want with me!" ~

I cry out in pain as my back and head hit the wall, hard. "Love, please! I know it's hard to believe, but you said it yourself, no matter how hard they tried, the Capitol would never be able to get me right!" ~

"You're not even blonde!" They can't even get his hair color right. Pathetic. "You're not right! Now just _go away!_" I throw him back into the wall and back away. "Stop tormenting me! I've had enough of this for the past three months!" ~

"Hear me out!" I plead, beginning to cry from desperation and pain. "They don't know i'm alive, Cato...I've been running for three months from District Twelve to find you..! I dyed my hair so people wouldn't immediately recognize me! I sold everything valuable I own to ship your jacket here because I woke up in it before my _own wake_!" I take a step towards him. "I've been running for months just to get back to you...Because Peeta Mellark doesn't break promises." I whisper. I've gone too far for him to just send me away now. ~

I cover my ears. "I can't be hearing this now! It's impossible for two people to make it out alive! Just go, please...I hate you! Whatever the hell you are, I hate you!" ~

I run up to him, grab his wrists and kiss him, despite his attempts to pull away. "Please," I cry. "If you ever loved me at all, you'd have to believe me, love...please." ~

"As much as I'd want to...I don't. It's not possible..." I push him away and lie down on the floor sobbing. It can't happen. I wish it could...but it can't. ~

"The berries." I whisper, trying to explain even though he doesn't want to listen. "I don't know exactly what they were, but I looked them up...it stopped my heart. Knocked me out. My brain stopped in its tracks. Aesthetically, to their scanners, I was dead. To me, I was dead. But...but next thing I knew, I was back in Twelve, _in a coffin_. Minutes before my own wake, Cato! I don't know how, but I beat their Games. I made it out, love. Please...Please, believe me." I kneel beside him. This was hard enough for me to process. I can't even imagine for him. ~

"Is this some sort of sick dream? Another one?" ~

"I won't pinch you, but..." I kiss him again, gently biting his lower lip in the process. "I'm sure it's not a dream." ~

I look up at him and open my mouth to say something, but I'm at a loss for words. This is honestly really scary. Finally, I'm able to ask, "Peeta?" ~

I take my hand and pull on my hair a bit, showing the bits of blonde at the roots I missed because I'm a shitty hair dyer. "The one and only." ~

I stop crying as soon as I realize it is him. It has to be. "Oh my god." And I tackle him to the floor with the tightest hug in the world. ~

"I promised." I say, hugging him back in some combination of tears and laughter. ~

A/N: OH-HO-HO, TWIST. Review. 3


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: This is Chapter 13! Okay guys, here goes. 3 Starts with Cato's POV.

"But...but you...oh my god." I kiss him a million times and more. I've been waiting for this for three months. ~

"They don't know I'm alive," I whisper, not letting go of him for a moment. "I've been hiding and running for three months. I've seen every District except One." ~

"I can't believe you made it..." I take a moment just to breathe. "I was so lost without you, Peeta." ~

"I know..." He knows it's me. Thank goodness. "But I'm with you now...you don't have to worry." ~

"Please don't leave me again." He better still be here when I wake up tomorrow morning. ~

"But...I can't stay here. They...they'll find me, Cato." ~

"What?" No, he can't go. "Where would you go?" ~

"I don't know..." I hadn't figured that part out yet. "It's too dangerous for me to just stay in Two. The place is riddled with Peacekeepers." ~

True. My own_ house_ is riddled with Peacekeepers, technically. One. "So you're leaving...?" ~

"Only if you'll leave with me." I say apprehensively. What am I saying? Asking him to leave this perfect life he has now to go live in uncertainty in the middle of nowhere...just to be with me. But I had to try. ~

I can run away like I wanted to. But this time, I wouldn't be alone. "I'll do it." ~

I nearly choke on my words. "R...really?" I wasn't expecting this. I was expecting one last goodbye before really being on my own for the rest of my life. ~

"Knowing you're still out there but I'm not with you?" I look out the window. It's starting to get cloudy out. "I need you." ~

"I have no idea what's going to happen out there, you know." They think I'm dead. They'll never come looking. ~

"I don't care. I need you." ~

"And I you..." ~

"Then it's settled, isn't it?" I smile. I'm so glad to have him back. I would've had to wait the entire rest of my life until I could see him again...but here he is. "Let's go out, instead of waiting around here. I can show you around a little bit." ~

"I can't go out, Cato." I look at him sadly. "The world thinks I'm dead. My heart nearly stopped when your mother opened the door, because I didn't know if she'd recognize me." I pause. "If anyone recognizes me, I could probably end up _really_ dead." ~

"But...we have to go, don't we? We'll have to go outside." ~

It'll be even worse if they see me with him. "I..I don't know," I say. Now that I think about it...I'm putting his life at risk here, too. I can't do that. "But...maybe I should go." ~

"Go? What, like you leave first, and I'll follow later?" I walk over to my closet and take out a small, green backpack. "What should I bring with us? We need _some _clothes...because you kinda smell a little, no offense." ~

"I haven't settled down since Four." I pause. "I kinda assumed I'd be able to get here from there in a decent amount of time, so I finished off my money there. Not like I had a lot, but I got hot food for the first time in a month." I laugh. "Not to mention a real bath with soap." I sigh. "You're sure about this?" I don't have to be alone. Not ever again. ~

"Of course I am!" Excited to see him and all, I completely forgot about food until he mentioned it. "Oh, you want food? My mom cooked breakfast before! I can bring some up for you. You like eggs and bacon? And pancakes?" ~

"I'll be fine." I laugh at his excitement. "Don't leave me." ~

"But I'd only be going downstairs." At this point, I just start taking out random articles of clothing and stuffing them into the bag. "My skinny boyfriend needs a little bit of food soon! If we're leaving, who knows when we'll eat next?" ~

"Well, since there's two of us...I'd rather have a plan now," I smile. "I had no clue what I was going to do before, so let's figure this out." ~

"Somewhere with no Peacekeepers." Everywhere has them. "Well, with not a lot, I mean. Did anywhere appeal to you on the way?" ~

"I never really had the time to look around," I admit. "I couldn't stay anywhere very long." ~

"Oh." Then I have absolutely no idea. "The woods?" That's a last resort. ~

"We could...I don't really care, though. We'll have each other." That's all I have right now. ~

"Yeah, I know, together. But we still need to decide on somewhere to go." Even if it's no definite place, just an idea is good enough. "The Capitol is a little northeast of here, over the mountains, so...maybe go west?" ~

"That sounds good to me...we just have to go." I kiss him, pulling myself to my feet. "Far away from here. Where they can't find us. They'll never know." It's perfect. Sure, things could be tough. But I've dealt with tough. ~

"Right." I zip up my backpack and look at him. My Peeta's back from the dead and now we can be together. Somewhere out there, we could be together. He came all this way for me. Risked his life for months just to see me. Only two months before I'm due to leave for my Victory Tour, where the Capitol would escort me to every district. They can't have their Victory Tour without the winner of the Hunger Games. They'll know. "I'm not going." ~

"Where?" I sit on his bed casually looking around the room. It really is gorgeous. Big, too. ~

"With you." ~

I must've heard him wrong. "...What do you mean?" ~

"_I'm not going away with you_," I repeat slowly. ~

"But..." I look at him confusedly. "You just said..." He just said he'd go. "Did I say something wrong?" ~

"No!" I say quickly. "I just don't want you to get hurt." ~

"Why would I get hurt because you went with me?" ~

"Because they'd have everyone in the country looking for me. You...they don't know you're alive. You could make it alone." ~

"No, I couldn't." I stand. "I couldn't make it without you." I wouldn't want to. ~

"Yes you could! You'd _die _with me there. They'd probably kill me, too." I start to unpack my bag, but stop. "Do you need shirts? Here." I hold up the half-emptied bag. ~

"I don't want the stupid shirts, Cato, I want you! I traveled three months for _you_." My voice is shaky. "I'd rather us be dead and together than alive and apart." ~

"Well, I'd rather be apart but knowing the other is safe!" As long as I know he's out there somewhere, I can deal. Maybe fate would bring us together again. One day, he'll grow up and look different, and he can come back. No one would suspect anything. "We'll meet again, Peeta. I'm just doing this for your own good!" ~

"I _never_ wanted to be apart from you, from the moment we met! I accepted it in the Games, because I thought there was no other way...but now we have a chance, don't you see? You...you said you loved me. And I said I loved you. And I really, really meant it. I'd die for you. But I couldn't be away from you." ~

"I _never _liked you." Maybe if he thinks I don't like him, he'll go. And then he can be safe instead of me always getting him into trouble and putting his life at risk for my own selfish reason of wanting to be with him. "You have to be away from me." ~

"Now you're just lying," I whisper. It can't be true. All that time...it was so perfect. He couldn't have not meant it. ~

"No, I was lying back in the Games." I love him so much. "You think I loved you?" I still do. "There was one time in the Games where I didn't lie. When I said I had someone back home." I had no one back here. "My _girlfriend _was pleased to see that I won." My first and only relationship was with Peeta. ~

From the moment he questions that he loved me, I'm crying. Quietly, at first, but I can't contain myself by the time he's done speaking. "W..what?" A girlfriend. He had a girlfriend. Has. ~

"Do I _look _gay to you?" I'm not totally gay. "Sorry, sweetheart. I like to play with my victims before I let them die." ~

No. _No_. I've heard this all before. My hands are shaking, and I can't tell if my heart is pounding or if it's just decided to stop.

"_You want to __kiss__ me? Do I __look__ gay to you?"_

_Laughter. One person's laughter._

"_Sorry, sweetheart. I like to play with my victims before I let them die."_

_Laughter. Many people's laughter._

_Coal being thrown._

_Hands on my wrists, feet..._

_Ripping. Tearing._

_Struggling._

_Sobbing, screaming. _

"_Help!...__Help__!"_

_Of course, help never came. But the screaming made them all run. And left me out, battered on the street._

Not again. Maybe they were right. I'm an idiot to fall for people who'll never love me back. I feel like I'm going to puke. Or pass out. Or die. Maybe all three. My face is completely pale and my eyes lose focus.

"_What a fool."_ ~

Oh god, he's beyond upset now. But if I want him to leave and be safe, I'll have to let him go. Lies can keep him safe. "Do I have to physically _throw _you out of my house?" I would never. "Quick, before _she _comes by. Because then we'll both have a little fun with you." I open my bedroom door. "Just for the record, to answer your original question...yes, it was worth it volunteering for the Games." Because I met him. ~

At first, I can't even bring myself to stand. But I make it, pushing the backpack he'd offered me back onto the floor. I go over, and as much as it hurts, stand face to face with him by the door. "I...hope you're happy now. I have nothing. Every penny I'd saved to support my family when I got older went to getting here and being with you again. All of it." I try to act strong, but I have a feeling I'm going to break at any point here. "I walked for three months to find you. You, the man I believed to be perfect. Someone I believed to love me." Tears begin pouring down my face. "But everyone back in District Twelve was right. No one could ever love me." That's what they always said. "You know when I snuck out of the wake, it was my father, brothers and my class from school? My mother didn't go. And every member of the class was laughing or smiling. They were _so glad_ that I was dead." I hear them telling stories of how pathetic I was. How much they hated me. My father was the only one who really seemed completely upset. "I can't go back there. I can't go anywhere. I have no one. No one would hide me. Or protect me." I never break eye contact with him, even when the sobbing starts. "There was another like you. But I was just as much of an idiot then as I am now. Wanting things I can never have. Like a life. Love. Hope. Happiness. Because no matter what I do... it'll get destroyed in front of my own eyes. Because it was all fake. All lies. And I never even had it in the first place." He has to know this. I have to tell him how it makes me feel. "Congratulations." I whisper. "You've made a fool of me for the last time." ~

I look down at the floor. Partially out of shame of what I've said, but he can't know that, so partially out of the fact that I can't even look at him right now because I might break down. I don't want to be hearing this. "I hate hearing you say this. I hate hearing you say anything, really." Big lie coming. "I just generally _hate _you. I've been planning your death since the first day I saw you." That's true, but the reason for that is irrelevant to this conversation. "Maybe you should get your awkward face with your shitty new hair out of here before I make a fool of you again." I really hate saying these things to him...but if it gets him to leave, then it's necessary. ~

"You..._hate me?_" My voice cracks, and I smile with so much pain riding on it. "You definitely wouldn't be the first. I guess you always do pick the cool thing to do." ~

"It's the cool thing to do because I'm the one who does it. That automatically makes it cool." I shove him out into the hall. "Go. Live wherever. I would've turned you in to the Peacekeepers, but I'm going to be nice here." But if I did that, he would die. Especially if it's my own father who does it... "I'll let you go. Quick, before I change my mind." I go to close the door, but I pull it back open for a moment. "Have fun living your lonely life. Goodbye, _Lover Boy_," I say, forcing out a laugh. It isn't funny. ~

"I don't need your mercy." His laughter is like a stab in the back. "The Peacekeepers don't open office to the public until the afternoon. Two o'clock, to be exact. I checked." I pause. "You can find me there then, if you really want to watch. Just know that...everything you've said is the last thing you'll say to me. And now you've got to live with that." And I close the door for him, running out of the house as fast as I can, into the streets of the Victor's Village and into an alley so I can stop and sob for a few minutes. ~

He's bluffing. Just trying to get me to follow him so that it would prove that I still love him. But I'm not going. Because I know that he wouldn't get himself killed over this. He doesn't have to die for me. Besides, there's always the chance that I would love him again, and he wouldn't pass up that chance. So he isn't serious.

Since he's gone now, I lie down on my bed and begin to think about all the things he's said. Pretty good actor. ~

A/N: That's that… We just like messing with your emotions and all. :/ We're seeing who's reviewing…we have special things for you all! :D Okay, bye! xx


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Hooray, a long chapter for you wonderful people for reviewing and because there was no natural break! :D Here you go-reviewing inspires us to put up the new chapter faster! :D (Starts Peeta's POV)

You were right, Terra. You were right.

I pace through the streets, keeping my hood up and glancing around at all of the shops, trying to figure out somewhere to sit down that I wouldn't have to buy anything. I have no money, after all. Eventually, I find a coffee shop that has a small, table for one in the corner that I sit myself at, resting my head on the table. I did all of this for nothing. Maybe my dad could've hid me at home, and I could've lived. But I believed him. I believed he loved me. And I wasted everything to come see him. And now, I'll die for it. ~

How he was able to get all those tears out, I don't know. But however he did it, it was convincing. I'll give him credit for that. The crying, talking about people hating him...

He said that all in the Games. People in District Twelve hate him. He could've made it up now, but back in the Hunger Games, there would've been no reason for that. Pass that off and ignore it. Maybe he was just using it to his advantage to make the story believable.

Maybe. ~

People in the shop ask me if I want everything, but I just keep my head down and shake it. I just sit there and cry for almost an hour. One forty-five. I'm just so numb, I've lost all sense of time. Maybe I could've gone on, but not without him. Not knowing that he lied. Maybe if there was some chance that he did love me... or that I could be with him again, like he said...then I'd be okay. But this...this is a point of no return. I stand, staring emotionless at the clock, and leave the shop, right onto a busy street. I could care less if people see me anymore. What's done is done. ~

No. He must've been serious. Even if he was still only lying...I have to find him. He was upset even before I told him I didn't like him. Real tears flooded my bedroom. I'll go with him...we can make it work. Hiding, sneaking around...we can make it work. If it doesn't work out, then we both die. Together. Because I already miss him.

If he was telling the truth, then he'll be at the Justice Building in only fifteen minutes. That's not too far away from here, but I'll have to run like _hell._

Before I leave, though, I go into my closet and take off the only thing actually on a hanger: his jacket from District Twelve. Carefully, I place it in that bent up box that mine came in and rewrap the box with the reverse side of his brown paper. Then, I dig in my nightstand drawer for a marker or a pen. Nothing comes up but pencils and beige notepad paper, so I take out the paper and the sharpest pencil I could find. The first thing I do is write his name in large letters on the top of the box. Next, I put the paper on the box and start writing:

_Dear Peeta,_

_You're still my Lover Boy if I'm still yours, because you're still, and you'll always be...my boyfriend._

_I'm sorry about before. I'm just really bad with words, like you said, so I'll write this letter for you. Telling you that I don't hate you. Telling you that I love you. I have ever since I first told you. Don't think I lied. I didn't. I do love you._

_I love you so much that I was willing to break your heart so that you would leave and be safe. But I don't really think before I act, so when you broke down and started to cry, I didn't think you were serious. If you were, I'm so sorry._

_I understand if you hate me now...but please, just give me a chance. We can go. Everything for you, dear._

_Love, Cato (your boyfriend...?)_

I put the note in my pocket and run out the door with the gift, not forgetting to take my own jacket off the front lawn and put it on. One forty-five. ~

One fifty-five. I'm coming up on the Justice building now, and the crowds are thicker. This is it. I can't even say I've accomplished anything I wanted to in my life. It...it's kind of sad. But maybe I over expected. Maybe I dreamed too big. Love. A family. I dreamed too big. ~

Never have I ran this fast in my life before. Not during the Hunger Games. Not during training. But when your motivation is love, you're desperate enough to do anything. I'm afraid of even tripping over my own two feet. If I do that, or get held back in some way...I might not make it. I want to make it, though. For that boy. So I keep going. Package in hand...I keep going.

I know I'm coming up on the Justice Building. I've been by it so many times, either by just casually walking by, or visiting my dad...it's around the corner. Right up ahead. And when I turn, I see him walking to it. So, I continue to pick up speed to get to him. "Wait!" If I call his name, everyone will know it's him and everything will collapse and they'll kill him. But I have to let him know I'm talking to him. "Wait!...Happy birthday!" ~

At the top of the steps, I hear it. And I know it's him. I look behind me, and sure enough, it's him. All I can do is shake my head and keep walking. ~

"No!" I leap up the stairs, three at a time, and drag him down the side steps into an empty alley. "Are you insane? You actually went there?" ~

"Why do you even care?" I pull out of his grasp. "Haven't you done enough?" ~

Holding the box behind my back, I stick my empty hand into my right pocket and take out the letter. "I wrote you a birthday card," I say as I hand it to him. ~

"Stop trying to screw with me." I throw it back at him. "Just let me go, okay?" ~

"Keep your voice down!" I yell in a hushed tone. "Read it, Peeta." I give him the paper. "I spent like three minutes writing that. Don't let those three minutes be wasted." ~

"You wasted three months of my life. I think you can afford three minutes." I say coldly. ~

"No, not these three minutes...I can't afford to have those wasted. Don't make me live my life wishing you had read this." I look down at my feet. "Please...for me." ~

"Why? Why should I?" I shut my eyes and turn from him. "You've opened up wounds. And I know you don't care. Just...take your stupid present and your stupid letter and go to your girlfriend." I've had enough hateful letters for a lifetime. ~

"I don't have a girlfriend!" I grab his wrist and turn him to face me. "Just...a boyfriend." Once more, I try to give him the letter. ~

"What happened to not being gay, huh?" I'm tearing a bit, partially because I don't want to hear this. I'm afraid to hear it. Because it'll only hurt. ~

"Just read it...I'm not good with words." ~

Reluctantly, I take the note and open it up.

"...How do I know you're not lying now to humiliate me later?" I want to believe him. But it hurts to. ~

"Because..." I hold both of his hands up against the wall and lay a sweet, long kiss on him. "Did that have feeling?" ~

Yes. Yes, it did.

I nod a little, shaky. "You have to know that I'd rather die than be without you. I've been alone before...and death seems much more pleasant." ~

Without saying a word at first, I hand him the box. Then I add, "In case you doubt it, here...what's inside should get rid of any doubt at all in your head." ~

I look at him warily before taking the box. It's my box, the one I sent him.

Inside, it's my jacket from the Games. "You...kept this? They let you?" I got his. He got mine. They brought us back together, essentially. ~

"I begged them to let me keep it. Because it was the only part of you I had left...up 'til now?" I hold out my hand, asking him to either take it or leave it. ~

"Always." I take it. ~

"I'm so sorry for earlier...I didn't think you would try to get yourself killed. I just thought you would go away somewhere else. If you went to the Justice Building, they probably wouldn't have killed you...without doing something worse first." It's good to hold his hand again, so I swing it back and forth a few times, smiling. "I like this." ~

"I understand, just... It might not have been so bad. You just cut open a lot of wounds from back home...which you didn't know about, so I can't blame you...it just made things a lot worse than they were." I squeeze his hand. "I like you." I pause. "Just know that...If I ever told you to go, I'd never mean it. It just means I want you to kiss me and love me more. Never leave me...Always love me."~

"I _love _you." I'm not even sure if I want to ask about what happened back home. He's had enough crying for one day. "I didn't even think you'd fall for that so easily...was my love for you in the Games not convincing enough?" I laugh. ~

"No, no...definitely not." I smile. "I've just been lied to a lot. So I almost prepare myself for the worst when things happen, so I don't get disappointed too much when they don't work out." ~

"Well, we'll work out. I choose together." At least he has one thing going for him. ~

"No matter what?" ~

"No matter what." Even if I have to die...at least it'll be with him instead of alone. "How can I make it up to you?" ~

I'm about to say 'nothing', because really, deep down, I know he was trying to protect me, but then my stomach rumbles. "Food?" I give him a hopeful smile. "I haven't eaten in a few days." ~

"Instead of home, how about we go out to eat?" I know a place that's dark, so even if he _is _recognizable, no one can really get a good look at him. ~

"That sounds nice." I smile. "You know, that's the first 'happy birthday' I've gotten in two years?" I reach out to take his hand and begin walking. ~

"That's...sad." Before taking him out of the alley, I look out into the street to make sure there are no Peacekeepers around. "This way," I say, leading him to the right, away from the front of the Justice Building. ~

"Kinda is, isn't it?" I sigh, keeping my head down as we walk hand in hand. "You know, people in the Capitol are going to be all over this new mystery boyfriend of yours." ~

I let go of his hand. "Then maybe it's best that I don't have a new mystery boyfriend. Attracting attention to you is a bad thing, remember?" ~

"I mean, if they don't know or see me...What I mean is, people already just saw you holding my hand. Rumors spread like wildfire. Let them wonder." ~

I groan, "Fuck _everything_. Now no one's going to leave me alone." ~

"We can lock them away. I mean...what are we going to do now? Where are we going to go?" ~

"Away. I don't know. Wherever you go." When we get to the corner, I take him down a less busier side street. ~

"Well, that doesn't help." ~

"Can we think about this later?" It's hard to think now. My mind is clogged with everything that's been said today. And we're both starving. "We'll figure it out." ~

"Fine, then let's get food!" I pull him along faster. "When I said I haven't eaten in days, I wasn't exaggerating!" ~

"Same here." ~

"You have that house _filled_ with food, and you weren't eating?" ~

"I wasn't in the eating kind of mood," I shrug. ~

"I usually eat my feelings, so I guess we balance each other out." ~

"We always have. That's why we're perfect for each other, you know." ~

"That's true." I lean my head on his shoulder since he won't hold my hand. "So, you don't have a girlfriend, right? You like me. A guy. And you want to stay with me? I'm just making sure we're on the same terms here." I laugh quietly, joking with him. ~

"You mean I can't have both?" I fake a shocked face. ~

"It's me or her. You've gotta make a choice." ~

"Her! Her! That's the easiest choice!" I laugh. "Boobs over dicks, man. Any time. All day, every day." I make it clear that I'm only joking. Don't want another mishap like before. ~

"And that's why you almost had sex with a guy on live television?" ~

"You're essentially a girl, so it's okay." ~

"Am not!" ~

"You act like one enough." He's so goddamn emotional. ~

"Just because I have feelings and stuff." I can't even blame it on the bullying. That partially happened because they thought I was gay _because_ of the 'femininity'. ~

"You got me all feely, too. You bitch." Like I said. Before the second day in the Games, I hadn't cried since I was nine. ~

"You decided to stick with me. You can't blame me for anything anymore." ~

"Don't make me leave you, Peeta." Then I could blame him for everything, if I wanted to. ~

"Neither of us wants that." ~

"You're right." We turn the corner again onto a street that has lots of shops for food and such. "It's only a little farther ahead...which is good, because it looks like rain." ~

"Is it just me, or is it always raining when we're together?" ~

"That's because even in the rain, you're the brightest thing out there. It's trying to enhance you." ~

"Well, now I've got you and Mother Nature helping me out. That's two people. Three, if you count my dad." ~

"You can count my mom, if you want." Maybe before we leave, I'll introduce them to each other. She knows I really love him. All she wants is for me to be happy, and I can't just leave her without saying goodbye, so... "I think she'd like you." ~

"She did seem really nice," I say. The woman reminded me of the side of Cato I'd gotten out during the Games. Probably where he got it from. "Sounds like the kind of mother I wished I had." ~

"You never really mentioned your mom. Is she a real bi-" And the downpour starts. "Let's go!" I take his hand, not caring about anyone willing to pay attention, and run down the street. I don't want to get sick again. ~

"Hurry!" I laugh, getting dragged along behind him and almost falling along the way. ~

Finally, I find the place I was looking for and pull him into the building. "We're kinda soaked a little, but we're safe from the storm. I thought little you would blow away out there." ~

"Because I'm so short, right?" I pull the hood down for a moment, shaking my head like a wet dog. ~

"Short for life." He's all wet now. His sweatshirt isn't exactly waterproof, nor does it look warm. "You should put that jacket on underneath your hoodie. You'll catch a cold if you sit around all wet." ~

I pull the jacket out of the box and unzip the hoodie. It's heavy now from all of the water weight. "I still can't believe you managed to keep it." ~

"I have a picture back home, of me wearing it. I didn't take it off until I had that interview before I went home. It smells like you." I pause. "And like seven or eight other people." ~

I smile a bit at him. "Then...you wear this one. And I get yours. So we'll always have a part of one another with us." ~

That's cute. "Well, that'll keep away people wondering how I all of a sudden acquired my old jacket. Just...zip your hoodie over it so that people won't see." I unzip mine and pull it off, handing it to him in exchange for his. ~

"It works out." I pull the jacket over me, basking in the warmth from his body. "I'm gonna let the hoodie dry while we eat, though, okay?" ~

"Of course." I put on the familiar, beat up, slightly bloodied jacket. It's still nice on the inside. "Ready?" ~

"I've been ready." I laugh, taking his hand. "Let's eat!" ~

"Alright." I take him into the large room. As I suspected, it's dark except for a few dim lights around the place. "This is the kinda place where you uh, order at the counter and bring food over. They don't really wait on you, so...you can go get a seat. I'll get food. What do you want?" I take a tiny menu off the counter and hand it to him. "There are some good things on there. Not Capitol standards, but close enough for me." ~

"Food." I put the menu down. "I want food. Anything. Surprise me." ~

"Demanding." I wave him off to the corner. "Go sit." ~

"Fine, fine." I sigh, going over to the booth and sliding in, laying my head down on the table. ~

I order spaghetti, fried potatoes, dinner rolls, and two waters. Not sure about Peeta, but I hate seafood so much, so I avoided about a page of the menu. It's not like there's a lot anyway. We only have small samplings of food from other places. But since we don't make or grow food in District Two, we need to get it from somewhere.

After I pay for everything and take the tray back to our table, with the guy behind the counter giving me an odd look as I walk away. "I'm back." ~

"I missed you." I look up at him and smile, cracking my back slightly as I sit up. "Looks good." My mouth is already water. How pathetic. ~

I set the plate down and sit. "One giant plate of spaghetti. You like?" ~

"Most definitely!" I can't object to any hot food. Ever. ~

"Yay! Then we get to share." I put a straw into my glass and take a sip. I can't drink without a straw. ~

"I'm not picky at all with food," I laugh. "When you really don't get options besides eating or not eating, you learn to not be choosy." ~

"No matter what, I'd be choosy. Like I refuse to eat things that came from the ocean." I eat one of the smaller potatoes. "Oh, salty," I laugh. ~

"Fish is expensive! I never got a taste for it because I've never tasted it!" I laugh, immediately taking a fork to the pasta. "I never had any in the Capitol though because I didn't think I'd like it." ~

"I wish there was Capitol food here. _Much _larger selection and _way _better quality." I steal a strand of pasta from his fork. "Watch out." ~

"Food is food!" I stick a large forkful into my mouth. ~

"I _guess_." I take my first full bite of food. It's not _that _bad. "I'm glad we get dinner together. Happy birthday, Peeta." Underneath the table, I start tapping my foot on his and start playing around with it. ~

"Me too..." I smile up at him, some pasta sticking out of my mouth. "Thank you." It's a really nice thing to hear. Because it is a _happy_ birthday. A complete 180 from last year. ~

"You don't need to thank me. I should be thanking you for forgiving me. I wasn't sure you would or not." I take a napkin and wipe his face a little bit. Damn, he must have been_ very_ hungry. ~

"You just have to know that...in the past, I've gone through _a lot_." Understatement of the year. "And I never really had anyone. I don't ever want that again. Now that I have you...I'll never let you go." ~

"And I won't let you go." But they'll still go looking for me in two months when I don't show up for the Victory Tour. My entire reason for trying to send him away. "Hey, Peeta?" ~

Taking a bite of one of the rolls, I glance up at him. "Mm-hm?" ~

"So um...we still have that problem with where to go." I can't leave. They'd look for me and find him. "I was thinking..." Hiding him can't be too difficult. "Maybe you can live at my house." ~

What? "You mean like...living together?" I nearly choke on the bread. ~

"Nevermind," I say quickly, looking down at the table and stuffing bread in my mouth. _Stupid_. ~

"W-wait, what, why?" I compose myself. "You just...caught me off guard." ~

"Well, we can't be apart and I can't go with you really, so the only other option would be to stay here, and well, what better place than at my house?" I just have to hide him well enough. Understatement. "My mom wouldn't mind." ~

"You're sure?" I put down my fork. "I mean, you think it'd be safe? I'd want to..." ~

"My mom wouldn't mind." Didn't say it would be safe, but I didn't say it _wouldn't_. "I can keep you safe there. So...will you move in with me?" ~

"I would really like that." I smile, reaching for his hand. ~

"_Score_," I whisper, taking his hand. ~

"You're wonderful," I say, laughing at him. ~

"So are you!" I pick his hand up to my face and kiss it. "Incredibly." ~

"Where would I be without you?" ~

"District Twelve. Ripped to shreds by other Career tributes. Dead for real." Well, it's true. "Where would I be without you?" ~

"Here. Alive. But...alone. But alive." ~

Yeah, that's what _you _think. "Mhm, alone. For the rest of my life. Wouldn't want anyone but you." ~

"That's what I like to tell myself, anyway." ~

"What do you mean?" ~

"That we were meant for each other. That if we'd never met, we wouldn't have been with other people." I sigh, holding my head in my hands, sighing. "I'm a hopeless romantic." ~

"I wouldn't have been with anyone else. I can tell you that right now." In fact, I've never wanted anyone. Love is pointless until you find that one person who needs yours the most. That's what _I_ like to tell myself. "No one else." ~

"You think?" I sigh. "Even if I hadn't gotten Reaped or made it out... I don't think I would have been with anyone. I'm sure of it." ~

"No, I don't think. I _know_." ~

"How?" ~

"Because love is something you know." And because no one in the world deserves love as much as this boy does. ~

"I said that to you, once." I smile in the dim light, squeezing his hand. He has no idea what he's done for me. ~

"I know. I remember everything you've said to me." ~

"Oh_ great_, even the embarrassing, stupid things?" ~

"Like what?" I don't really find anything he said embarrassing. Or at least, none of it is exactly laughable. ~

"Like before I came out to you, how stupid and nervous I was." ~

"I thought that was all really cute. It's what made me like you, you know." ~

"What, that I was a nervous wreck around you?" ~

"Mhm." To anyone else, he probably made a fool of himself. To me, he didn't. "You were nervous but you were still brave enough to talk to me. And you came out to me on national television, when you expected me to kill you afterward. That's the best kind of bravery there is. You won, in my mind." ~

"Sounds kinda silly now, doesn't it?" I sigh. "Now that we're together, I mean." ~

"No, it's not silly at all." I let go of his hand so that I could resume eating. The pasta here is better than it was last time I came. "Now that we're together, it's a million times cuter...almost as cute as you." ~

"You're crazy." I laugh. "But...thanks." ~

"Crazy about _you_." ~

"Clever." I smile, taking some potato. "I'm...really back. With you. On my birthday. I can't believe it." ~

"_I _can't believe it." Only this morning I was moping around looking for a way out of this hell...and here he is. "I...I'm in love with you, Peeta." ~

"And I'm in love with you, Cato." ~

"No, you don't understand how much..." He saved my life. "It's just...so much." ~

"Neither do you." ~

"I want to kiss you...but we can't until we get back home." To _our _home. ~

"Why?" It's fairly dark in here... It couldn't be_ that_ bad. ~

"Because if they see me making out with a person, no matter who it is, people will start talking. I just want things to finally quiet down." ~

"I understand." I laugh. "Your new mystery boyfriend." ~

"Sneaking around. Secret relationship. That's hot." I look up at him, and in all seriousness, I say, "You're hot." ~

The thought makes me laugh. "Yeah, _right_." ~

"But you are...your blonde hair is cute." I pause. "Was cute, but the dark hair is nice too." Now, I kinda miss his old hair. "That jaw. That _smile_...your height." ~

"Or lack thereof." ~

"There we go. Your sense of humor is cute. Your kisses are sexy...your chest is sexy. Your arms." Everything. "You're a very attractive individual." ~

"Whatever you say, Cato." I shake my head. He flatters me far too much. ~

"I'm only telling you the truth." ~

"Maybe one day, I'll believe you." ~

"But...I mean it." ~

"It's just hard for me to hear it." I sigh. I've only been used to the opposite. ~

"Then take the compliment while you can!" I take a sip of the water. Good thing the drinks at my house aren't as tasteless as this. "Get used to it." ~

"Bleh." I sigh, resting my head on a table, still chewing on some bread. ~

"What?" I lay my head on the table, level with his. "Take the compliment." ~

"Sure." I'm not good with compliments. ~

"Cheer up! It's your birthday, and you got your boyfriend, and I got _my _hot boyfriend. What more could you ask for?" I'll try to give him anything. ~

"Nothing, really." It's perfect. "It's the best birthday I've ever had." ~

"I'm glad to be a part of it." ~

"It wouldn't have been the best if you weren't." ~

"Oh, _you_," I laugh. ~

"You've completely changed my life. You have no idea." ~

"You changed mine, too," I sigh. "Maybe one day, we can tell each other all about it. When the time comes." ~

"Yeah, now we have the time for it..." I thought I wouldn't get the chance. ~

"You're going to live a long, healthy, loved life." We both are. ~

"With you?" It's what I want. I know it's a big thing to ask, but... ~

"Well, duh." ~

"I've never assumed." ~

"If I didn't want to be with you, I wouldn't be wasting your time here." ~

"But I mean..." Forever. Is this for the long run? But I won't ask. I'm too afraid of the answer. ~

"You mean...?" I finish off my food and wipe the huge mess off my face. Saving some food for him is probably the best idea right now. ~

"Forget it." I give a convincing smile. ~

"No, tell me!" He has a lot to learn about me. Like how I don't let these things go. ~

"Someday." ~

"Please?" I stick out my bottom lip and give him a sad look. "For me?" ~

"It's not the time. You will know. I promise." ~

"Peeta, I just took you out to dinner. Now tell me!" ~

"It's really nothing. I actually forgot." I lie. ~

Damn it. "Alright...just try to remember, kay? I mean, we have the rest of forever for you to remember it, but I'm kinda impatient, if you haven't noticed yet." ~

"I'll try." I smile. "I promise." ~

"And Peeta Mellark does not break promises," I laugh, quoting him. "This is what the rest of our lives will be like..." Laughing, loving, kissing, living-it all sounds good to me. And I think he likes that idea, too. ~

"Sounds like a good life to me." Maybe things are going to turn around from here. ~

"And as you know already...I'll still love you even after you're long gone." Not that I want it to happen any time soon. ~

"No matter what happens." I agree. It's hard to think about, but after what's happened, every day has to be lived like it's the last. ~

"Great." I smile. He's so lovable that I can barely take it. "So...did you happen to catch any clips of the Games?" ~

"A few...not a lot though. Enough to know that you won. I was so afraid waking up that I was alive and you didn't make it out, so it was the first thing I looked for." ~

Oh. "Did you see...which parts _did _you see?" ~

"Some stuff with us, you after...what happened, you with the other two Careers, you just as you won, and your exit interview." ~

"You saw after...?" This is kinda embarrassing now. "Forget you saw that," I laugh nervously. I made a huge fucking scene. ~

"I was worried." I admit. "It was so unlike what I knew you to be." He was insecure. Scared. Nervous. ~

"You _died_, Peeta. When people I love die, I tend to go a little crazy and upset." It doesn't happen often, either, so of course it would seem unlike me. ~

"I just...it was the first thing I saw. So, I didn't know if you'd won..." ~

"I guess you could say I was not happy with your death, Peeta." Not one bit. ~

"_That_ was obvious." ~

"And you so easily _doubted _my love today?" Something's wrong there. ~

"It's...complicated." The words were exactly the same as over a year ago. Of course I'd doubt. ~

"Okay. I won't pressure you to tell me." It's his birthday and we just got reunited. I don't want to force anything on him. ~

"All in time, love." I can't think about that or anything now. Just us. ~

"Great. Finish up your food before I do!" I laugh. ~

"You're just so distracting, that's all." I laugh back at him, taking a large fork of food and eating it quickly. "Not that I mind." ~

"I'm distracting?" I reach underneath the table with my cleaner hand and 'accidentally' brush his leg with it. ~

"Very." I swing my feet and entangle my legs with his. ~

"Are you trying something under there?" Whatever it is, it's not going to work. ~

"Just playin' footsie," I laugh. "No ulterior motive in that." ~

"I don't fuck or anything on the first date, if that was your ulterior motive." I put my hand back on the table, trapping his legs between my own. "Now where your legs gonna go?" ~

"It wasn't! I didn't have one. Now I'm stuck with you for the rest of forever ..oh well." ~

"Ugh, forever?" I laugh and immediately open my legs, releasing his. "I'd say I'm stuck with _you _forever." ~

"Why's that?" ~

"Because you _trapped me! _Duh." ~

"Of course." My cheesiness really did rub off on him. My dork. I take another big bite. "So...What's the plan when we get back to your house?" ~

"Ugh..." I groan. I really hate thinking of plans. "I don't think my mom would mind. Like I said. She'd like you." ~

"But...I'm 'dead'." ~

"But you see, you aren't," I shrug. I don't really see the problem. ~

"She won't freak out?" ~

"Eh, I dunno. If she does, probably not as bad as I did." Understandable. ~

"But...she won't, like, report me to the Peacekeepers or something, right?" ~

"...No," I say, looking up at the ceiling. If anything, she won't have to report him to the Peacekeepers, if one just happens to conveniently _come across him. _"I think she hates seeing me sad, and if she made you go away, I'd be sad again, so..." ~

"She sounds like a good mom." I smile at him across the table. ~

"She's _awesome! _My favorite person in the whole world, besides you." Not that you can really compare the two of them. They're my favorites in their own right. ~

"Well," I finish off the rest of the plate. "I can't wait to formally meet her." ~

"Neither can I! Oh, oh, and I can show you what I mean when I told you about the cakes she bakes! Remember, I told you they were really good." You'd think growing up in a bakery would make you sick of sweets, but he seems to really love that stuff. ~

"That's great! And I can finally bake for you." ~

I take one last sip of my drink and push everything to the side. "Ready to go?" He's going to bake something for me. What a great kid I managed to pick up. ~

"Yeah! Lead the way home." Home. ~

"Well, not like I'd let you lead the way." I push my chair back and stand up, glancing behind me. "Okay, it's clear for us to go." ~

"I feel like we're back in the Games, hiding like this." I laugh, standing by him. "Go!" ~

"Not like we did much hiding." I tug on his damp sweatshirt and pull him along the way towards the door. "But get used to it. We'll be hiding out for a long time." ~

A/N: Questions or concerns? Leave them in the reviews! :) xx


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Hi guys, so I hope this chapter doesn't come out all messy, but I'm uploading it from my phone because I love you all so much! :) Review! Xx (Starts Peeta's POV.)

"But it's a nicer place to hide." I pause at the door before we head out, opening the door for him. "Hey, uh...Cato?" ~

I stop short of the open door and look at him. "Mhm?" ~

"Uhm..." I look down to hide my blush. "Where am I supposed to stay in your house?" Quietly, I hope it's his room. ~

"Most likely the basement," I tell him, stepping out into the drizzling rain. Obviously I'm going to let him stay in my bed. I keep my door locked all the time anyway. It's not like my dad can just walk in on us and take him away from me. ~

"Okay." I say, pulling up my hood and following him out into the rain, trying to mask my disappointment. I just wanted to lay in bed and sleep one sound night with him. ~

"Sucks, because I've been down there a few times. It's not as nice as the rest of my house. It's kinda damp down there and, it has this weird smell..." ~

"It's okay...sometimes, to punish me, my mom would make me sleep outside. Heat, snow, rain...all that. And in Twelve, the ground is just rock. So...I'll live. I've had worse." It's true. ~

"I kinda hate your mom and I haven't even met her." Who would do that to their own child? "And the basement is freezing. The warm air doesn't circulate down there because the house was built with enough rooms for a lot of people to live in. No one's supposed to live on the wet, hard, lumpy floor of the basement. There are these really nice beds in the bedrooms, though. Shame you can't use those." ~

"It's like I said. I was out most of the night during a blizzard, when I was really little, so... It'll be okay. Don't worry about me. Just you protecting me is beyond enough." ~

"No, I mean...you won't use any of the guest room beds." ~

"It's okay. It's dangerous, anyway, right? Just...promise you'll come down and visit sometime." I'd miss him too much. I grab his hand as it begins raining harder. ~

"I'm not going to visit the basement," I smirk. He's not quite catching on yet. ~

"But I'll get lonely." I try not to complain. ~

"You'll be staying in my bed." ~

"Wai...like, thirty seconds ago I was in the basement. I mean...not that I'd prefer the basement, just..." Compose yourself, Mellark. "I'd like that." ~

"I wouldn't leave you in the basement!" I laugh. "If I did, I'd sleep down there with you! I just want to sleep with you, damn it!" ~

"Me too!" Realizing what I've said, I blush quickly and stammer out, "I mean...in bed with you..Sleep...with you...in the same bed..." Not that I don't want the other thing too, just... Ugh, I'm usually so smooth, but around him... ~

"We can sleep together too, one day, if that's what you mean." I turn my head to hide my slightly red face. Alright, Peeta. You wanna fuck me? Go ahead, just blurt it out when I'm not prepared to hear that. That's okay. ~

"I...I'd like that, too." Oh god, this isn't a conversation I was prepared to have right now. ~

"Yeah, I know...you just said that." ~

"I mean...the first time, I meant...staying with you...in bed, and...the second time, I...I meant...the other thing." Sleeping together. Sex. Screwing. Making love. Fucking. All of the above. ~

I laugh at how obvious he is. "I know what you meant to say the first time. But I know you meant 'the other thing.' For your information, it's called sex." ~

"I know that!" My face gets really red when he even says it. "It's not funny." I whine. "I'm just...nervous around you. And even bringing that up?" I still can't even say it. ~

"Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be a decent fuck." More like a perfect one. ~

"Cato!" I whisper, face getting red as a cherry. ~

"I hope that when we do do it, you'll say my name a lot louder and more enthusiastic than that." This is funny. ~

"I..." Am speechless. And suddenly getting hard but that, he can't know. He'd never let me live it down. ~

"Oh," I moan quietly, making fun of him, "oh, Cato, faster." This is cruel, but...that's my humor. He'll need to get used to it. "Like that." ~

"Cato..." He doesn't even know what he's doing. I'm a hormonal teenage boy. I can't be blamed for any of this. ~

"Oh, I didn't know you were so big," I add. He doesn't even know how fun this is for me. ~

I don't even know what to say, and Ink focused on concealing my vaguely obvious growing erection...damn him. And bless the rain impairing sight. ~

"I bet you're pretty big, too. Don't worry." Speechless. I've left him speechless. This is wonderful. ~

Okay, it's taking all my self control right now to not beg him to do it now as a birthday present. I might explode. ~

I look down at my feet as we walk, and out of the corner of my eye, I see a suspicious lump in his pants. Normally, since it's all rainy, I wouldn't have noticed, but my god, someone's a little horny there. "I really love..." Something to cool him down. "Spoons." Okay, so that's the first thing that came to mind. Sue me. ~

I give him a confused look, trying to distract myself, but now all that radiates in my mind is him spooning me. Damn you, Cato. ~

"Because on one side, it shows you rightside up, but then on the other side, you're upside down." He's awfully quiet there...maybe it didn't work too well. Hmm. ~

"Just..." Once again, at a loss. "Damn you." I say aloud, deciding it's not worth hiding it really. ~

"What...? I'm just explaining why..." Well fuck you too. "Are you like, a fork kinda person?" ~

"No, damn you for making me like this." I finally allow my blushing face to turn to him, nodding down to my pants. "You see what you do?" ~

So he acknowledges it. "I was trying to cool you down...sorry, kid." ~

"Not your fault, I'm just...new to all this." ~

"Well, you've been gay longer than I have. So I'm kinda new too." ~

"I've always been gay," I laugh. "So that's fair." ~

"Well, I'm glad you are." I hold his hand up and kiss it. ~

"I got shit for it before...but I'm happy about it now." So happy. ~

"Wait, so people knew? I thought you'd only just come out during the Games." Plus, he said he was in love with a girl during the interviews. That's pretty confusing for a lot of people. ~

"Wasn't really my choice. People kinda...assumed, and hated me for it." I look away. "No one in Twelve was fooled, I can tell you that." ~

"Oh." That's not a nice reason to hate people. "People around here probably wouldn't hate you for liking dick. Well, most people wouldn't." ~

"People back home did." I sigh. "My dad and my brothers were the only actual people at my wake when I got out of there, you know. All the kids were...were happy. And my mom didn't even go." ~

"Like I said...I hate your mom. And...if they were so happy, they shouldn't have even bothered showing up." They shouldn't have even been happy in the first place. ~

"The school took them. They always take the class when someone still in school gets Reaped." ~

"Oh..." How can you just celebrate someone's death? "So um...how did you get out of there anyway?" ~

"A lot of sneaking and dying my hair. People in the poorer part of the District have darker hair like this, so I wore shitty clothes and dyed it and snuck around and people paid no mind to another poor kid from the Seam." ~

"Good job," I laugh to lighten the mood. "But how did you...you know, get out? I mean, a dead person climbing out of their coffin would kinda freak people out." ~

"Didn't I tell you? It was right before the wake, and my dad had a closed casket, because that's just traditional of victims of the Games, no matter how much or how little blood there was." I'd only been to one before my own, but my dad ran me through the normals of it so I wouldn't get freaked out. "They want you to remember them as they were, not as what the Games turned them into. So I got out and closed it behind me, and snuck out the back." Somewhere deep down, I have to think my father knows I'm out here or gone or something. Because when everyone leaves, the parents always get a last moment before everything gets locked up. If he looked in there...he knows. Maybe I'll see him again, one day. ~

"So, you must have freaked out a little when you first woke up," I laugh. "Did you think you were like, already under? Did you scream?" ~

"You don't even know the magnitude of breakdown I had." Freaked out is an understatement. "I thought, at first that I was dead. Then I thought I was under, all six feet. I cried and screamed until I was able to compose myself long enough to think to try and lift the lid." ~

And so comes my long overdue laughing fit. "Oh my god, I'd pay to see that whole episode...how long did that even take?" ~

"Not funny! I was horrified! I was definitely in there for an hour or so!" ~

"Oh that was so stupid..." I try my best to quiet down my laughter. "An hour of just screaming and crying?" ~

"Yes! Just imagining...thinking you were dead, then, suddenly...waking up, and realizing you could have had another chance...but you woke up too late." ~

"And then you just...lifted the lid." I'm only laughing because he got out of there and he's safe. Of course, if he actually couldn't get out, I'd be sad, but...he's here. Therefore, it's funny. ~

"Then, all I saw was just one, orange lily. My favorite. Definitely from my dad...thought I have no clue how he actually obtained one." ~

"And you didn't say goodbye?" I don't mean that in a nasty way, but...it's just sad to know that he's here and his dad has no idea. ~

"I tried, but...he wasn't home, so I figured that was an omen that I shouldn't tell anyone. Besides, if he knew...I'd probably want to stay. And it isn't safe there...and I wanted to see you." ~

"I was one of your first thoughts?" ~

"The first." I stare at my feet as we step in puddles. ~

"You're my first thought every morning too." ~

I squeeze his hand. "I was worried you hadn't won. Not that I didn't think you could...but I said I'd protect you until the end." And I didn't. ~

"But you did." Even though he wasn't there anymore, he still did. ~

"I died." ~

"But your jacket didn't." I tug on my sleeve a little. "I really needed it, and some of the nights were cold without you, so it kept me warm. I figured it was like you were keeping watch on me like you promised." ~

"That's a nice way of thinking about it." I smile. ~

"That's how I like to think about it, yeah." I turn to the side and kiss his cheek. I love doing this. ~

Suddenly, there's a crack of lightning and thunder. I let out a small yelp. "Let's hurry!" ~

"Aww, afraid of thunderstorms?" I laugh, hurrying down the street as he asked. ~

"Yes, a little!" I dash after him as we approach Victors' Village. ~

"I bet I can beat you there!" I run even faster. ~

"I'm not racing," I whine. "I'm gonna fall if I try to run in the rain!" ~

"Wimp!" I drag him closer to me. "I'm not carrying you!" ~

I wrap my arm around his waist as we come up to the house. "I'm going to look terrible meeting your mother." ~

"Nah, you look hot, it'll be fine," I smile. ~

"Says the one who's dating me. Are you gonna try and introduce me as the guy from before, or what? What's the plan?" I step up the stairs, still in path of the rain. ~

"What are you more comfortable with?" ~

"May be safer to keep the alias if possible, but if she realizes...just don't pretend or fight it." ~

"You don't know me that well, do you?" I tend to do the exact opposite of what people tell me. Not necessarily on purpose all the time. It just happens like that. ~

"Just try...you first, okay?" ~

"But I don't wanna leave you alone out here..." I'm afraid to go in, turn around, and not see him there on the doormat. "Promise you'll still be right here when I come back for you." ~

"I'll sit here," I sit on the mat. "I promise." ~

"Uh...huh." Warily, I turn away from him and silently open the door. We don't keep it locked unless it's nighttime or no one's home, and my father doesn't get home until later, so that must mean my mom's somewhere in the house. And sure enough, as I close the door behind me, I see her all the way in the kitchen, cleaning off the table. "I'm home," I say in a deadpan voice. As usual.

At the sound of my voice, she looks up and makes eye contact with me. "You ran out before," she says, rushing out of the kitchen with a dry hand towel to dry the rain off me. "You usually aren't gone that long. I was worried."

I accept the towel with a grimace as she dries off my hair and takes my wet jacket off. "I'm okay, though...and I'm eighteen. And a half," I add. "I just had some business to take care of."

Finally, she relents. "Please don't run off like that again. I know you haven't exactly had the best past couple..." She sighs. "I'm supposed to worry, okay? I don't care if you're five, or eighteen, or thirty."

"I know." I walk over into the next room and sit on the edge of the couch. "But no, nothing was wrong...nothing's wrong. I'm okay."

"You're okay?"

"Hm...yeah," I nod. "Today was just a good day. A great day, really. Brilliant. Extraordinary." More words that I usually don't say. "Just, nothing can bring me down...it's just a mood. Don't ask."

"I won't, then." She gives me a slightly questioning look anyway, but shakes her head and sits across from me. I suppose she's used to my odd behavior. Not that I act that way on purpose. But soon enough, she'll get to experience having the old me around the house. Oh joy. "Listen, I would hold back, if you're in such a good mood, but...you're bound to see it sooner or later, on the TV."

"Well, you know how often I watch," I laugh, before realizing that this must be something important. "Wait, what?"

"It isn't something really...I can't think of a better word, so I'll say upsetting. I'm sure it'll affect you, emotionally...because of the subject of the matter, but it isn't something completely horrible-"

"Um..." This is worrying me a bit. "Well, what is it?"

She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Okay." She glances at the television screen. "I recorded it, in case you need to see it later...but basically, it's about...Peeta Mellark, that boy from the Games."

My face immediately goes pale. Oh my god. They know he's here. "Um...I, uh...I'm familiar with him?" Mental facepalm. Obviously I'm familiar.

"The Capitol isn't sure exactly what killed him, so they sent specialists to District Twelve to do an autopsy."

Is that it? "...And?"

"That's just it. They're digging up his corpse to do an autopsy." She gives me a weak smile. "I'm sorry."

"So...nothing bad happened?" That scared the shit out of me.

"No, I just thought you should know that, since you..."

"I know. I-" Fuck. "They're digging up the body? When did this happen?"

Her expression grows concerned. "I only saw the news on it maybe ten minutes ago. It could be happening now, or tomorrow...I can't exactly be sure."

But there's no body in that casket. "Okay, okay...that's all I wanted to know. You know, to keep up on the news and stuff," I laugh nervously. "Yeah. That's it."

"I'm so sorry," she replies, noticing my anxiety. "Do you need a hug? Come here."

To humor her for the moment, I walk over to her and accept her hug. Even though I'm not really one for touching. Unless it's with Peeta. Peeta! "No, no, I'm glad you told me. I'm totally fine with this. It's not that bad, trust me. I'm fine. But uh, I have something to tell you too."

She loosens her grip on me and pulls back a bit. "Oh no, what is it?"

"It's not bad! It's just um, I wasn't alone today. I was with a friend."

"You have a friend?" she asks. "You've barely left the house since the summertime."

"Yeah, no-yeah-he's outside." I step back, looking over my shoulder at the door. Please let him still be out there.

"In the thunderstorm? Cato!" she yells accusingly, causing me to jump a little. "Let the poor boy in from the rain!"

"Sorry, sorry! I was just-nevermind." Whether she admits it or not, she knows I can handle myself alone. But she doesn't trust me to handle others. "I'll go," I give in, walking over to the door. I twist the knob and open the door just a crack, whispering, "Peeta? You still out there?" ~

As soon as he poofed his head through the door, I look up and smile. "Yeah?" ~

Oh thank god. "You can come in." I open the door a little wider. ~

A/N: You ready for this? What do you think of Cato's mom? Also, fun time. We wrote three endings for this story. So until we get to the point where it splits into endings, we're opening vote for endings... But we won't tell you what happens in each! ;) So if you review, think about which ending you want...A, B or C! And let me know! Okay. So, yes! Review! :) And may the odds be ever in your favor. ;D


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Yay for long chapters! Once again, we really do appreciate the reviews. We love seeing the feelings our story (and basically our lives since April 4th) has given you all. :D So here's some'more! This starts with Peeta's POV.

I get to my feet and step in, staying in the front because I'm soaked. I see his mom over sitting down. "Uhm...hi."

"Cato!" She exclaims, "The boy is soaked. Let him use some of your clothes for a while, will you?" As she speaks, I pull down my hood and give Cato a small smile. "Oh, you didn't tell me it was that boy from this morning!" She looks at him sternly. ~

"I'm...sorry?" I reach into the basket of clean clothes that's sitting at the foot of the stairs and pick out some of my freshly cleaned clothes. It's nice to have my laundry done for me every week. "Well...you said I never go outside. Where did you think my friend came from?" ~

"Well, I don't know..." She sighs. "You didn't even bother to introduce me. What's your name?"

Well, shit. But, as Haymitch would say it, in true Peeta Mellark fashion, I just wing it. "Felix." I smile, going to take a step towards her but not wanting to track water.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Felix. You know, since the Games, Cato hasn't been very social. So I'm glad to see he's making friends again." ~

Oh my god this is an embarrassing discussion. "Yeah, friends...that's all I needed. A friend. And you know what would help me socialize better? If he could uh, stay for a while? As in like, spend the night and stuff." I stumble over my words a bit, realizing what I'm asking. "I mean-he's not my friend like _that_, as in like, yay sleepover, like a gay sleepover-I mean..." And now I'm just embarrassing myself. "Can we start over?" ~

I just laugh at him, looking at the ground. "Go ahead, start over." His mom says, chuckling to herself. ~

"Can my _friend _stay for a few nights?" Or forever. Whichever works best for you. ~

"Why would he have to stay a _few_ nights?"

I see Cato give a panicked look, so I speak up. "You see, uhm..." I look away. "I...I'm gay," I say, quickly adding, "and I'm not trying to start anything with your son, I just came here earlier and asked him for help. My mom kicked me out."

I look back at her and glance to Cato, too, giving him a nod to add on. ~

Nodding with him, I look back to my mom. I hate lying to her, but it's necessary. "And since the whole country knows I've been...involved with a boy before, I'm kinda...out? So I'm the only person around here who openly feels that way, so clearly I'm an option to go to..." I glance at Peeta. "I thought that if he needed somewhere to go, here would be the place, so..." ~

"Of course he can stay!" She immediately stands and runs over to the pair of us. "I'm so sorry your mother did that, she'll come around, though, I'm sure..."

"Probably not," I manage a weak smile. "But thanks for the thought. And the place to stay."

Suddenly, the voices on the TV change to some special alert.

"Oh, oh, Cato...this is what I was telling you about!" She runs over, ushering us both closer. ~

"What," I say flatly. Not even as a question. Just a statement. "I don't wanna watch, Mom..." ~

"But..it's about Peeta...maybe it'll help," she looks at him, concerned.

I have to get out of here. "Maybe I should go change and let you two talk, I-"

"Wait, just stay and see... It could be good news!" ~

"No, no, Mom...no news about him could be good news." I tug on the wet sleeve of Peeta's sweatshirt and whisper, "Just go." ~

Before I even get a chance to listen to him, she begins telling us the events of the broadcast. "She's saying they dug up the casket, and...there's nothing there." Her eyes widen as I see pictures of Cato and I from the Games get flagged on the screen, explaining in case people didn't already know who I was. And in that moment, she turns to us, and I know she knows. ~

As soon as she looks at us, I reach up and force Peeta's hood back on to obscure his face a little. "That's...that's horrible. Who would do something like that?" Oh, who am I kidding? I'm a terrible liar to her. ~

"Cato...I'm your mother. Don't lie to me, please..." I'm done with the charade, too, so I take my hood down again. We don't break eye contact. "How.." ~

"Please don't get rid of him." Please don't give him away to Dad. _Please. _"It's a long story..." ~

"That boy...you...you_ died._" She stands, walking up to me. "You're..."

"Peeta Mellark, ma'am."

She doesn't even know what to say, but looks to Cato again. ~

"Except he didn't die...?" I shrug and smile. "The Capitol thought he died, but...he was only knocked out, or in a coma, or..." What even _was _it? "He woke up in Twelve and came all the way here...for me." ~

"I.." She looks at me, and I nod.

"Please ma'am. I...I love your son more than anything, and I think I was given this chance for a reason." To make sure he knows he's loved. "I've traveled mostly on foot for three months..."

"Three months, I..." She looks at Cato now. "Your father." ~

"I know, I know, but _please_...he has nowhere else or no one else to go to..." I can hide him well enough. I just _need him. _"Don't make me drop to my knees and beg." I glance down and take his hand. "Dad doesn't have to know. _Please_...I love him." ~

"As much as the begging would be a welcome change..." She begins before smiling. "I...couldn't say no."

I'm staying here. I'm safe. I have a home here.. I squeeze Cato's hand and smile at him. "Thank you, ma'am. Thank you." ~

"Thank you!" I let go of his hand and run over to hug her. _This _is a sincere hug. ~

"He'll..have to stay in your room. Anywhere else is too risky. Just...please," she gives a sympathetic look. "for your_ mom_, don't go crazy...you know what I'm talking about. You're eighteen, and he's sixteen-"

"-seventeen, today's my birthday." I smile proudly.

"Happy birthday, then..! Just, you know what I mean." That's two more "Happy Birthday"'s than last year. ~

"Oh god, no!" My face goes red. "I'm not going to do anything!" ~

"I just don't want to be afraid to go in there," She laughs. "Well...you both best be heading up now. Your father is going to be getting home soon enough." ~

"Okay, okay!" I run to Peeta and grab his hand and my jacket. "Thank you so much! I love you." And I'm not ashamed to admit it. My mom is the best. ~

"Thank you again!" I call back to her as she waves while Cato pulls me up the stairs towards his room. I'm still a soaking mess, but I think she likes me. ~

"Peeta, Peeta, Peeta!" I cheer as I drag him into my room, shutting the door and locking it behind us. ~

"Here I am," I laugh, quickly taking off the wet hooded sweatshirt and placing it on the ground. "Could I have those dry clothes now please?" ~

"Yes!" I toss him the clothes I brought up. "I'll just..." I walk over to the bed and put a sheet over my head. "Okay, you can change now." ~

"You practically ripped my clothes off in the arena, and now you're hiding while I change? You're odd, Cato." I laugh, beginning to take off all the wet clothes. Once I've changed all but a lack of shirt, I say, "You're good." The clothes are big, but so nice and soft. And they smell like Cato. ~

"Well, we have all this time! It was one thing when I thought we only had a few days, but now we have a long time, so...I'm saving it!" I explain, pulling the sheet off. "Whoa, you look like a bum." ~

"You're about a foot taller than me," I smirk, going to sit by him on the bed. "That'll happen." ~

I put my arm around him and lay my head on his. "Still think I wasted three months of your life?" ~

"No...I suppose not." I snuggle into him. "I was looking for something very important." ~

"Hmm?" ~

"You, duh." ~

"I've been looking for something very important my whole life." ~

"And what was that?" ~

"You, duh." ~

I don't have any errors to say...just a kiss. An innocent, but passionate one. Not to lead to anything more, just to feel his lips, maybe his tongue against mine, soft and warm and irreplaceable. ~

I kiss him back, lightly pushing him down to the bed. We're kissing again. On a _bed_. Safe. Oh my god, he's finally safe. We're both alive and in my house in Victors' Village and making out in my _bed. _"I missed this," I say through the kiss, "so much." ~

"I missed you," I say, entangling my hands in his hair. "I dreamt of us every night on my way here." ~

"So did I..." Probably not in the way he did. ~

"It took me forever to find a public TV that I could see to figure out if you'd won or not." I was afraid he had died. ~

"Of course I won. I'm perfect." ~

"But what if you hadn't and I was still alive?" I know what I would've done. ~

"Then that would really suck, wouldn't it?" I don't even want to think about him running around, finally finding the recap of the Games, and seeing me slaughtered and some other tribute win. "But I did win. I promised you I would, so I did. I didn't want to disappoint you." ~

"Even if I was dead?" He'd still win for me even if I were dead. ~

"You're not the only one who keeps promises around here." ~

"Cato..." I look over at him. The look in his eyes...it's real. Real love. "No one's ever cared about me like you do." ~

"I don't see why not." I really don't understand how anyone could hate him. He must be modest. "You're a really cool guy." And hot. ~

"Well, not many_ guys_ in District Twelve agreed in the way you do. And if they did, I was the example as to why they shouldn't been open about it." ~

"But..." He's an example of how wonderful some people can be. "If they agreed, you could've had a boyfriend when we met." ~

"Then they could've been a bit nicer about_ disagreeing._" ~

"Okay..." I don't want to hear about this. "But I mean, it's good that they disagreed, right? Because if they didn't, you wouldn't be on my bed right now." ~

"Yeah..I guess." I sigh, laying on his pillows. "I mean, I get to be happy now. Just kinda sucks that I can never really get the chance to shove it in their faces. They all wanted me miserable, but look at me now." ~

"What did you do that was so bad, though?" ~

"I was gay?" ~

"But that's not bad...?" Around here, it's not bad. I've known some people that may or may not have been gay, but were definitely flamboyant enough to question it, and no one messed with them. I figured everywhere else was like here. ~

"That's what I thought." I whisper, starting at the ceiling. "But District Twelve thought differently." ~

"Well, then...District Twelve is behind you." I get closer to him and kiss his cheek. "Welcome to District Two." ~

"I can see the sign now... 'Welcome to District Two, we have a gay champion and we love it!'" I crack a smile. "I like it better here because you're here." ~

"Hey! I'm not _gay_. Unless you heard something about another victor?" I laugh. ~

"You're dating a guy. I think that makes you a little bit gay, at least." ~

"Yeah, a _little bit_. I'm not completely faithful to the dick!" I lie down next to him. "But I'm completely faithful to you." ~

"First and only everything?" ~

"Define everything?" ~

"That'd take a while..." ~

I sigh, laughing. "First and only relationship, love...anything else? First roommate, bed-mate...that cover it?" ~

"Maybe some more stuff..." I pause. "When the time comes, that is." ~

"What do you mean?" ~

"There are other things I'd wanna share with you, I mean. I just...we have time, now. And now you can maybe hear my life story." I laugh quietly. "And I can teach you more of the Peeta Mellark School of Humor." ~

"Nooo, not that..._terrible _humor again." It's not terrible. It's cute. ~

"Well...I think I'm funny." I sigh. "And all I've ever really had is myself, so that's good enough for me." ~

"You are funny. Or, you make me laugh...so I'm going to _assume _you're funny. Unless my sense of humor is just as bad as yours and it isn't really funny at all," I laugh. "But I like it." ~

"Well, thanks." I snuggle up to him nervously, heart pounding. I hope it's okay. ~

He seems so _hesitant_, so I help him out by pulling him closer to me. "No problem." ~

This is nice. "You're warm." ~

"I am? I thought it was just me that felt how warm it always is." ~

"No, no, it's nice. Your body is just warm." I close my eyes a little. "It's really nice. Because even when I close my eyes, I feel the warmth and know you're still there." ~

"Well, of course I'm here! I would be worried about _you _being here. You know, after the past few months." ~

"I'm right here. Don't you worry." I give a little smile. "You were worried about me." I half ask, half state. ~

"Yeah, I was..." I sigh. "Can I tell you a secret that no one else knows?" ~

"You can tell me anything." ~

"It's about something that happened like...right after the Games sometime. Before I even left the Capitol." ~

What could it be? Good or bad? "Go ahead," I say, looking up at him. ~

"Well, the Games didn't last for an incredibly long time after you'd gone. I don't know exactly how much time passed, but it was less than a week. So I was thinking about you...and I asked to see President Snow privately, after my final interview and shit." I pause. "I asked him for a huge favor." ~

Stuff like this is unheard of. Or maybe, it happens all the time and we just never hear about it. "What'd you ask?" ~

"Since not a lot of time had passed yet, I figured it would've been my only chance, so I asked if I was allowed to go to Twelve. For a funeral or anything. Or to see a grave, if I was too late. Anything." ~

"You...wanted to go see me?" I was gone. He could've forgotten about me in an instant...but that was his worry. His major request to the President. To come back to Twelve to see me. ~

"I wanted what I thought would be the one private moment with you. That's all I wanted. Just one." Even in the arena, there were cameras everywhere. The entire nation could see us. I wanted to be alone with him for real. ~

"And...probably to get to say goodbye instead of 'see you soon', right?" I could cry. ~

I bite my bottom lip to hold back tears. "Exactly it." ~

"...Well?" ~

"Well what?" ~

"What'd he say? You never finished the story." ~

"Sorry, I just..." Zoned out, thinking about how horrible my goodbye would've been. "Just because I'm a victor, it doesn't mean I have special privileges like that...so I couldn't go. I considered going off anyway, I just...didn't know how." ~

"Can...I be honest with you?" ~

"Mhm..." ~

"I'm glad he didn't let you go." ~

"Right now, knowing that you're here, I'm glad, too." ~

"It's just...here's the thing. First of all...your last memory of me, really, was happy. I wouldn't have wanted you to go to Twelve and see how much I've understated how they feel about me." I take his hand. "You just don't...get it, really, yet. And I wouldn't have been able to warn you. It wouldn't have been a nice last memory. People laughing at your grave, spitting on your coffin..." _Sweetheart._ "I wouldn't have wanted that for us. You know what I mean...?" ~

"Spitting on your coffin?" What the _fuck_? ~

"It's exactly like I told you, Cato...you haven't quite _gotten it_ yet. Because you love me...you don't realize how much people could hate me." ~

"Then...I guess they don't understand how much someone could love you." I do _so much. _~

"No, they don't. Not even a little bit." I pause. "Well, besides my dad. The rest of them, kids, adults...just _hated_ me." My chest hurts a bit. "So I don't think you would have wanted to see any of that." ~

"I just wish one day, I could beat the shit out of the person that spit on your coffin. Maybe spit on them." ~

"Oh," I laugh. "You don't know how much I'd love that." ~

"Really?" He must _really _hate the kid who did that. Peeta doesn't seem very capable of hate. "I'd love it, too. What a jerk." ~

"He was probably the king jerk. They were all jerks, though." ~

"Well, I'll personally make sure to beat the crap out of the king jerk for you. I don't know how, or when, but I'll find a way. Or maybe he'll get Reaped for the Games next year." That'd be nice. ~

"As long as he doesn't get all the nice things out of the Games that we did." ~

"Nope. I'll make sure one of my kids tears him apart for you." ~

"I'd appreciate it." I hate him. To just hate me outwardly is one thing, but to mess with me the way he did? You don't do that...not unless you're really sick. "Y'know, that kid's the main reason the nickname sweetheart always made me upset during the Games?" I'm not his sweetheart. ~

"Oh..." That explains a lot. And now I feel a little weird using it. "What'd he do?" ~

"I don't know if that's a today kind of story..." I whisper, holding my hands together. Especially not after a year ago. ~

"Alright, then." Whatever it was, it must've been pretty traumatic. It doesn't seem like he even wants to think about it now. "Just to make sure, that's the only off-limit word, right?" ~

"Uhm..." I think for a minute. "Yeah, as far as I can remember." ~

"So...I can still use...Lover Boy?" I smile. ~

"I like that one." I admit. Whenever he'd call me that before I was _his_ Lover Boy, I always imagined him saying it as a romantic nickname, as opposed to something pulled from the interviews. ~

I need a new one. That one's so tied to the Games. Of course, I'll still call him that. I'll always call him that. Even if I end up, I don't know, _marrying _the kid one day, I'll still use it. But I still need something else for this new part of our lives. "What about...am I allowed to use Peeta Bread, too?" ~

"Not like I haven't heard that before," I laugh. "But sure. That's fine, too." ~

"Aww, damn it, it's not new?" And I thought I was _so clever. _"Whatever. I think it's cute. It suits you. Because you're cute." ~

"I'm a baker's son. Course it's not new." I smile. "But thanks." ~

"Baker..." I look up at the ceiling. "You and I should bake a cake for your birthday tomorrow. A day later, but...we should bake a cake." ~

"Sounds great to me." ~

"Yay! And don't worry, we have all the ingredients!" The eggs, the oil, the water, and the boxed mix. This'll be great. And we have the good kind of frosting, too. ~

"I bet they stock you guys well, here." I'm mentally preparing what we're going to need. ~

"Oh, they stock us on _everything!_" This place is loaded. "And you know, they also stocked us on people to clean up the place and stuff. But as you can see...it's just me and my parents. And you." ~

"Can I ask kind of a personalish question?" ~

"I guess so. Shoot." Personal can be bad. ~

"Why was your mom saying that you had to keep me from your dad?" ~

"He doesn't really like...my feelings for you. We'd both be out of the house if he knew." And probably dead. No, definitely dead. He would be, at least. Peeta's not supposed to be alive right now. ~

"Like my mom, then." I sigh. At least I'm not the only one. ~

"Yeah, you could say that..." I think about the past three months. "He's kinda ignored me since I came back. Not completely, and he acts like he doesn't hate me, but I can feel the difference. So he'd definitely hate you for making me feel that way, so...you just have to stay away. I mean, he's gone for most of the day anyway, so we're allowed to roam the house." ~

"Okay... I was just wondering, that's all." I force a bit of a laugh. "It's just, your District is so connected to the Capitol...you never know, right?" ~

"Yeah, you're not gonna get caught or anything. You'll be fine." ~

"Alright." ~

"Even if you did, somehow...I'd chase after you, so you have my support completely." I'd risk my life to save that boy. ~

"Even if it got you in trouble, too?" He really is something special. ~

"Well, duh. We said together, didn't we?" ~

"Well...that was in the Games. I didn't know..." ~

"But I love you." Love is doing anything for your significant other, even if it costs you something. ~

"And I love you..." ~

Secretly, I've been waiting to hear that for almost my entire life. "That's good to know." ~

"I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again and again. I love you, Cato." ~

"I love you, Peeta." I've known it since that first day. ~

"I love you, you charming bastard." I laugh. ~

"I love you, you little baker." ~

"I love you, even if your room's a mess." ~

"I love you, even if your hair's a mess." ~

"I love you, especially your beautiful eyes." ~

"I love you, especially your sexy body." ~

"You're mine, and I love you." ~

"You're mine, and I'm _in love with you_, Peeta." ~

"I love you more than I've ever loved anything else in my life, including myself." ~

"I feel the same way." ~

"No one's ever felt that way about me before...and vice versa." ~

"No one's ever felt about me this way, either," I sigh. "Or, I don't think so." ~

"I'm glad you're my first..." I pause. "And only. I didn't just mean that because I was going to die soon, you know. I...hoped you didn't, either." ~

"You would've been my only either way. Even after you'd died, I still considered you my boyfriend. We never did break up, so..." ~

"I wouldn't have blamed you if you moved on, though, you know..." I sigh. "But I'm glad you didn't." ~

"I can't move on from you...I would've felt horrible about it. And not just because I missed you, but because it wouldn't be fair to the person I was dating...loving you, still, while she loved me. It just wouldn't have been right for anyone involved, you know? And...you're the best person I could ever find." ~

"Thank you for that." I smile. "I'm happy you waited around. I came back, see?" ~

"You never left." I talked to him almost every day. ~

"Maybe, deep down, somewhere, you knew I was still alive." ~

"Maybe so," I shrug. I didn't think it would be possible, but here he is. "You were always on my mind, though," I point to my chest, "and right here." ~

"I was getting closer and closer to you every second." There were times I thought I wasn't going to make it, but I did. "I had to come back to you...to see." ~

"Well, not only do you get to see, but you get to stay." ~

"I just had no idea if you won for a while. Then, my mind kept making me doubt, like, what happened after I left, if you found someone new already, if I was just being pitied because I was going to die and I had a crappy life before...all that stuff." ~

"I understand," I sigh. "I mean, I considered trying to find someone new...but I just didn't try because I knew it'd be pointless. There's no one like you." ~

"No matter what...I just wanted you happy. I thought about it a lot, and it's kinda why I didn't come to see you immediately...tested out the waters. Because I thought that, if I came and found you, and you were happy...I couldn't mess up everything for you by rising from the dead, you know?" ~

"It wouldn't have messed anything up, you know. Even if I was with someone, seeing you alive would just make me happier, you know?" ~

"I didn't know, I just...I wouldn't have even let you see me. I couldn't do that to whoever you were with, either." ~

"No, I get it...but I just saw it as, you and I never broke up. It would've been heartless to just go out dating someone after the love of my life just died." Love of my life...okay. That's it. "That stuff needs time to get over, you know?" ~

"I do...but..." Wait. "So...I'm the love of your life?" I feel my cheeks heat up a little. ~

"Um...I think, I mean-if you're okay with that, then yeah." Is this a bad thing or something? ~

"Oh, yes, yes, I am." I rush out. "I just...I'm not used to it." I smile sadly. "You're the love of my life, too. I'm just not used to my love or any sort of feelings being reciprocated. Actually, all I'm really used to is being told that no one'll ever love me. So...that's really nice to hear...a really nice change of pace." ~

"Oh..." People told him that no one would ever love him? Who even does that? Who would _know_? Personally, I think everybody-almost everybody, that is-can be loved. Just not assholes. They don't deserve it. But Peeta's nice. "Well, get used to it." ~

"I'll do my best." I wish they could all hear this. Every single one of them. ~

Moments like this are perfect for a kiss, so I lean in and give him one. "Looooove you," I say in a sing-song voice. Okay, so maybe the gay behavior in me is starting to come out. ~

I yawn a little. "Love you, too." It's definitely late, and I'm exhausted. It's been a long three months. ~

"You're tired already?" I haven't slept at all, but I don't even know when he last slept. But I don't want to sleep. Not when I can talk to him. ~

"...A little. I haven't really slept somewhere legitimate like a proper bed in...almost four months, really. Being unconscious doesn't count. And I've been travelling here for three months, staying in inns for half-nights, and running the rest of the time...just...maybe a little...tired." ~

"But..." I pout. "You sure you wanna sleep _now_?" I understand that he's tired, but...I don't want him to disappear when I go to sleep, too. ~

"Yes?" I'm pretty sure. "I'm exhausted, love." ~

"O-okay..." I turn onto my back and pull the covers up over us, only kicking off my shoes and socks, not even bothering to change out of these clothes. They smell like Peeta now, so I want to keep that. "I hope you don't mind, but I like having the windows cracked open when I sleep...like you said, I'm warm." ~

"You do that, too? I usually get in trouble for it because we can't really control the temperature in the house, so my mom'll complain I'm making it too hot or cold or something. I like the breeze." ~

"Okay, good...I don't want you to get cold or anything. It gets kinda cold around here in the winter and stuff, so..." ~

"Betcha it's nothing like Twelve." ~

"I don't know, it's cold here. Mountains and all, but...it's dry a lot of the time, so it's even colder than the temperature says, and we barely even get snow. It sucks." I like to see snow. When I do see flakes out my window, it only ever reaches a thin covering. I hate it. ~

"It snows crazy back home...maybe you'll get to see it, one day." I shut my eyes and cuddle into him, all my clothes on. I'm too tired to even take off my shoes. ~

"Victory Tour, maybe. That's in the dead of winter, so..." So I'll see the snow. Good. ~

"It usually snows when the Victors come around..." I yawn again. "Thank you for the wonderful birthday." ~

I yawn right after he does. It's contagious. "Thank you for the wonderful boyfriend." ~

"Goodnight, Cato... I love you..." ~

"I love you too...so much, Peeta. So much." ~

A/N: D'aw. WARNING, prepare for much fluff (and slight trauma but not too much) ahead. We've got about another 45,000 words until the endings split… A, B or C readers. You decide. I have a personal favorite that I might just tell you all in on…but really, it's up to you. Reviews keep us posting, so let us know what you think! (Peeta) x


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: Sam (Cato) and I appreciate all of the wonderful reviews, and we do read all of them! So really, if you have any questions, feel free to ask away over there. :D This chapter starts in Peeta's POV.

I fall asleep to those wonderful words. A hard sleep, with few dreams because I'm just too tired to even _dream_. I don't need a lot of sleep. I just need solid sleep. Plus, I always wake up early. So when I get up and the clock on the wall says 7:30, I'm not surprised, and not tired, either. Nor shocked to see Cato still fast asleep next to me. ~

He's always asleep before me. Or, in the Games, he did. So it's not really shocking at all. I'm tired, yeah, but for a few minutes, I just watch him sleep. That could've been the last time I spoke to him, if he disappears once I wake up...and that thought puts me right to sleep. I don't want to think about him being imaginary _again_. I'm used to getting that in my dreams, and even my waking life, but...it was different this time. Then, all night, thoughts like this plague my dreams, turning them into nightmares. He never came back. Or he turned himself in at the Justice Building, his last thoughts of me being a horrible person. My dad finding him, getting rid of him...but it's normal. They're dreams. I can deal with them. Well, I _hope _these are only dreams. I just need him to be here right next to me for the rest of my life. That's all I want. ~

I sit around for a little bit. He's here. We can finally be together. He's already done so much for me...so it's my turn now. I'll make breakfast! It's the least I can do. He did always say he wanted to taste my baking. Carefully, I get out of the bed and tiptoe downstairs and start rummaging through cabinets, pulling out ingredients for all different pastries and stuff, some fruit, things like that. In the process, I find boxed cake mix. Sinful. ~

When did I fall asleep? Eight, nine? Way too early, in fact, that I find myself waking up early. Around nine. Blech. I do my daily yawn and stretch for the morning, but I realize something's off. My arms and legs aren't touching anything when I stretch. Shouldn't there be a person in bed with me? "Peeta?" I yawn again, turning to the side where I remember him being. And it's just empty space. I frantically sit up in my bed and look around. Maybe find something of his, like the clothes I lent him yesterday. But there's nothing. "Okay, don't freak out," I whisper. "Maybe he's just in the bathroom or something."

But I wait around for five, ten minutes...and he still doesn't come walking through that door. Oh god. Did...did yesterday even happen? I hadn't slept much before then, so...maybe that was all a dream. But it can't be. I _love him. _He has to be in my room. "Peeta?" I ask again, afraid of not hearing an answer. And there is no answer. "I'm so _needy _and _hopeful _and...stupid. I'm so _stupid_."

I find his black jacket just lying there, so I put it on and go to sit in the corner of my closet. I tend to do that, when I'm not in my bed. Forget it. I'm not talking to anyone ever again after this, because I'm _insane. _I spent what I thought was a whole day with the boy I want to spend the rest of my life with and he _wasn't even there. _And the worst part is? That's not even the first time it's happened. So I do as I usually do in this situation: cry. ~

"La," I sing quietly to myself as I finish with a batch of pastry dough, rolling it into various shapes and adding fruit mixtures to a few before sticking them in the oven and sitting at the kitchen table. These homes are so nice. I'm sure his old house was nice, too, but they have people cleaning for them, there's always things to eat... I would've felt horrible if I'd won, the difference between me and everyone else in District Twelve. Here, at least it's comparable. I wait a bit, then go in and sprinkle some cinnamon on the mid-cooking pastries. Cinnamon makes everything better. ~

"Peeta," I sob, rocking back and forth, "please come back. I need you."

_Yes?_

At the sound of his voice, I look out of the closet, expecting him to be in my room...and he isn't. This again. "I need you to keep me company before I do something crazy."

_Of course, love._

"Thanks...you keep me alive," I sigh. I really need the real Peeta, though. This is good enough to last a little while, but...I didn't even get a goodnight kiss. And I love him. Just _one thing _I wanted, and the real world just takes it away from me.

_That's what I'm here for. I'm just protecting you._

"Yeah, yeah. I know," I laugh. He really doesn't need to. I can handle myself. Usually. ~

I wait a nice while for them to cook through, until they're golden. About five minutes before they come out, I take some sugar and vanilla and cream and make some whipped cream for it, too. I don't know where everything in this house is, or I'd do more...but I figure the warm pastries and muffins'll be good.

When they come out, I take them off the tray and put them on a plate to cool, waiting on the apple cinnamon and chocolate muffins. I put the whipped cream in a bowl and set it in the center of the table, and set up two little places at the table with some difficulty in obtaining napkins and things of that nature. But I manage to get everything, and the muffins finish then, too. I want him to have it warm...but I'll let him sleep a bit longer. They'll still be warm in a while. They're probably too hot to eat now, anyway. So I spend my time arranging the muffins on the plate, too. I'm sure he'll love it. ~

"I wish you were alive."

_But I am._

"Being alive in my mind and heart doesn't count. I want you to be _physically alive_," I say, trying to calm down my crying.

_I wish so, too. But...you have my company. You like that too, don't you?_

"But it's not right. I'm crazy."

_Okay...I'm sorry I came around, then._

"No!" I cover my mouth to keep myself from raising my voice. "I didn't mean it like that..." He always took words too seriously.

_I can go, if you'd like. Whatever makes you happy._

"Stay." ~

I start to get a little anxious just sitting around, so I decide to make my way back upstairs to bring him down. I get to the door, and it's opened just a crack from when I left a few hours ago. "Love?" I whisper in, not opening it any more. ~

"What is it, Peeta?" It's time to man-up. I told myself months ago that I couldn't keep crying like this. It makes my head hurt even more. ~

"Are you coming with me?" Good, he's up. He had to have smelled everything downstairs by now, then. ~

"I was going to yesterday, but I didn't think you'd want me to..." Now he wants me to come. I've been arguing with him for weeks about this. ~

"Why wouldn't I?" Dork. "C'mon, Cato...love. It's time." I'm so excited. He's waited forever to try things I've made. ~

Finally, I'm done being tormented. "What...how should I..." This is such a difficult question. "What do I use?" ~

What? "Uh, your feet?" Stupid boy. I love him. ~

Oh, I get it. He wants me to do it somewhere in particular. "Where should I go?" ~

"Down to the kitchen?" Okay, weirdo. "To be with me?" ~

Because he lived in a bakery. The kitchen would be symbolic or something. Seems just like him. "And once I'm down there, what should I use?" I pause. "Sorry for all the questions, I just...want to make sure it's to your liking." ~

"You can do whatever you want, Cato." I laugh quietly. "I mean, most use knives and forks, but if you wanted to use a spoon or something, who am I to stop you?" ~

"Um..." That's a little weird. "Spoons might be a little difficult, though I do like spoons..." I told him this yesterday. "I guess I'll use a knife then. Where should I cut...?" ~

"Why does it matter to me?" He's just so focused on making me happy..I don't even use a knife or a fork or anything to eat pastry. My oldest brother always did, though, so we had them at the table. "It's up to you, love." ~

"Because I want to know what the quickest way is, to get to you. I need you, Peeta." ~

"Uh..." Okay, now he's being weird. "Through the door?" The only reason I haven't come in is because he hasn't come out, so there's a chance he isn't fully dressed. And I know he'd probably get alarmed. ~

"I don't understand..." Maybe he can get it for me. Maybe, for a second, he'll turn corporeal and can get the perfect knife for me. "Can you bring it to me?" ~

I sigh. Lazy bum is probably still in bed. "Fine, but...just because I love you. I got the kitchen ready for you and everything..." ~

"Wait," I call out. "What do you mean, ready?" Like...ready for me to die? What? ~

I groan. "Are you decent?" ~

"Clothed? Yeah..." I haven't changed my clothes in days. And he knows it. He's me. He knows what I know. ~

Ugh. "Listen, do you want the pastries and stuff I made for breakfast or not?" I poke my head in to see him sitting on the floor. "Are you just gonna be a bum? It's getting cold." ~

"..._Pastries?_" I look up and see him there. I can _see_ him again, too. _Great. _"How were you able to make me breakfast if you're imaginary?" ~

I give him a confused look. "Because I've lived in a bakery my whole life and I'm not imaginary?" I step into the room and lean against the wall. ~

But I _don't understand. _"Peeta, are you alive or in my head? Make up your mind, _please_, before I explode." ~

"Cato, I don't know what the hell you're going on about. Didn't we have this discussion yesterday?" I walk over to him and hold my hands out for him to get up. "Are you not feeling well? Maybe eating something'll make you feel better." ~

"Yesterday?" I reach up and take his hands, being able to pull myself up. I can actually touch him. "I...woke up, and you weren't there next to me..." ~

"You know I wake up early," I laugh, not letting go of his hands. "So I thought I'd surprise you. You can actually taste some of my baking now. I made fruit pastries and muffins and some whipped cream..." ~

"I thought you were dead." ~

Oh. "I'm right here, though..." I get on my tippy toes and kiss his nose. "And there's warm breakfast downstairs. Real, live breakfast made by your real, live baker boyfriend." ~

I quickly hug him before I run out of my bedroom ahead of him. That was such a relief. Oh god. I thought yesterday, the best fucking day of my life, was made up. But it really happened. Oh, thank god. I could cry again, but I won't. Not in front of him, if I can help it. ~

"Wait up!" I call, following him out and down the stairs towards the kitchen. "I tried to make everything look nice..." ~

When I reach the kitchen, I stop in awe. A cute little setting for two. All the foods. Turning around, wonderful boyfriend who's alive. "I love you..." I cry a little. _Stop it, damn it! _~

"I love you, too," I catch up to him and respond. "Hey," He's crying. "Don't cry. I didn't mean to make you cry." ~

"I thought I couldn't have you again, but I can. Love of my life." ~

"Life...our lives will go on for a very long time together, Cato." ~

"Good...I'm glad." I turn back to the kitchen. This is wonderful. "Let's eat." ~

I run over and pull out a chair for him."Sit," I smile. ~

A/N: And there's that! I hope you all enjoyed. We're getting closer and closer…and if you all ask for the happy ending, we're just gonna give you the saddest one. And trust me. It's SAD. So…review and let us know what you think! X


	18. Chapter 18

A/NL HOORAY, FLUFF. That is all. Cato's POV starts.

"Oh, what a gentleman," I laugh, sitting down in the chair. "It looks so good..." ~

"Dig in," I laugh, making my way to the other seat. "If you can manage one with just a knife, you really deserve some award. You guys do things weird here in Two." Just knives? Oh-kay. ~

"What?" _Oh. _"No, um...I can use my hands. I don't need a knife. It's alright." ~

"You sure?" I laugh, picking up a muffin. "I'm not one to judge." ~

"No! Um..." Cover. _Cover your mistake, stupid. _"I didn't know if you made something else, you know...like pancakes or something. Or waffles. I wasn't expecting finger food." I do as he did and pick up a muffin. It looks _really good. _~

I stare at the muffin for a second. Something really was up with him. "I really don't want you to have to lie to me." ~

"What do you mean? I really wasn't expecting you to make me breakfast..." ~

"You seemed like you were having a totally different conversation with me than I thought before...and I can tell when you're lying. I...I don't know what it's about, but...Secrets aren't good. You're the only person I can completely trust, Cato. I don't want that lost." He's all I've got. ~

"I'm sorry...I don't mean to break your trust or anything, but..." He'll figure it out eventually. And I don't want to keep more secrets from him. "I was talking to myself when you came up. The conversation just...blended." ~

"Oh." I take a bite out of the apple muffin. Still warm. "Alright." I have to trust him. If I can't, then I'll never be sure of anything. But I've got to give him the shot. "Try." ~

"It's something that I did sometimes." All the time, almost. "To keep myself company. I didn't want to be alone then, and I thought you were gone, so...I tried calming down a little. But I'll be okay now." ~

"I'm here for good. You're kinda stuck with me. Like it or not." I give him a nod. "_C'mon_," I whine. "Try it!" ~

"I'd love to be stuck with you..." I prepare myself to take my first bite of the muffin, because if it's as good as he says, I might just get really excited. Then, I take the first bite. The first, _glorious _and _wonderful _bite. "Oh my god," I say muffledly, crumbs falling out of my mouth. ~

"Hm?" I take another bite, getting a piece of apple in it. I missed baking. ~

"It's not good..." I swallow, staring at the remnants of the muffin. Thank god for giving me a baker boyfriend. Seriously. ~

"No?" I sigh defeatedly, putting my muffin down. "I tried." I grin sheepishly. It was the thought, I guess. He had a chocolate one and I had an apple one. Did I do something wrong? Maybe all the time off messed up my memory. ~

"Nope," I smile. "It was _extraordinary_. Like it's been touched by the gods or something, and...why am I even talking still?" I take another large bite. "Yuuum," I say through the food. ~

"I'm glad," I say. I really am. I like people trying my food. I don't get to really tell people that I'm the one who bakes things, it's just under the roof of the bakery, but... ~

"I'm glad too!" I finish off the rest of the muffin as quickly as possible and take a moment to breathe. "Because now, I can have my favorite little baker bring me food all the time!" ~

"I just want to be able to bake again. It's been way too long." I sigh. "I can test out recipes and stuff on you, too." ~

"And...and you can teach me, too, and we can bake together. Right?" Damn, he's a better baker than the family that owns a bakery around here. They could learn a thing or two from him. ~

"We can make that cake today, like you wanted. You said you had things around, right?" We can start now, if he wants. ~

"Yeah, there's cake mix in the cabinet I think." There should be. We keep ourselves stocked up on that kinda stuff. "Around lunch, right? So then when it's done, I can eat it while it's all still hot. I like hot foods." ~

I don't even know what to say. My jaw drops and I just stare at him. What _on earth_ is he thinking? ~

"...You don't like eating sweets for lunch, do you?" My mom is the same way. Ugh. I can never win in this place, can I? ~

"T...that's not it." Blasphemy in my house, that's what that is. ~

"Then...what? Oh, did you see the mix?" I ask, thinking about which flavors we have. "You don't like the flavors, do you? I can probably pick the good kind up at the convenience store if you promise to stay put in my room." ~

In complete silence, I stand, and walk over to the cabinet where I remember the mix being. Then, I pull all the boxes into my arms, step over to the trash can, and drop them in. Then, I just stare at him and point at the trash. "No." ~

Even though I'm confused at his actions, I start laughing. "No what?" ~

"Boxed cake mix. Rule number one of baking with Peeta...or any Mellark, for that matter...no boxed cake mix." We couldn't afford it anyway, but it's _horrible_ compared to what we can make on our own. ~

"There's something besides the box?" What is he, magic? ~

"...You're joking, right?" He's got to be joking. ~

"Wait." If there's something besides boxed cake mix, then... "What about the just add water pancake mix in the cabinet next to that?" ~

"Oh god," I shake my head. "That's got to go, too." ~

"But I love pancakes! You can't throw it awaaaaaay," I whine, then whisper, "I love pancakes..." ~

"You don't need premade mix for _anything_." ~

For _anything? _"But...you just add water." ~

"But it tastes _terrible._" ~

"Does not!" I _love _pancakes. "Don't tell me you can also make eggs from scratch as opposed to buying them from the store. Because then, I just give up." ~

"No, no," I crack up at his egg comparison. "Just...boxed mixes and stuff are really nothing compared to some of the cakes you can really make." ~

"I didn't know..." I sigh. "But I guess they have to make the mix from _something_, right?" ~

"_Exactly!_" ~

"Oh..." But the mix is just going to waste... "Why can't we just like, keep the mix...but sell it on the street?" I laugh. "You can make some of the money back that you spent to get here!" ~

"It's not a huge deal," I sigh. "There's nothing else in this trashbin, so we'll see. But we won't be cooking any of this." ~

"Okay..." So maybe I'm a little against throwing away food. "Sorry." ~

"It's okay, I just...it's different, at home." ~

"No, I get it. Strict baker household." ~

"Mmhmm." I smile at him. "Maybe...someday, you can visit." ~

"I don't see how, but maybe. I'd like to, though. As long as you're with me." I take one of the apple muffins. "I like when you're with me." ~

A/N: Short chapter is short…but reviews are loved anyway. :D


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Ugh, so many feels associated with the next few chapters. Review! (Peeta's POV)

"I like it, too." I come back to the table to sit. "Can...I tell you something?" ~

I look up from my breakfast. "What is it?" ~

"Um... I mean, I know it's really impossible for me to ever go home in the foreseeable future.." This is just... Odd. "I just...have you ever thought of a time when there were no Hunger Games?" ~

"Sometimes. I mean, in school, they've mentioned it...but that was a really long time ago. Over seventy years, really...it's just so long ago that it's not really relevant to us anymore. So I just tend not to think of it. You get what I mean?" ~

"Not even a bit?" There's some silence, so I take one of the pastries and take a bite. I shouldn't have brought it up. It's...just the way things are. "Forget I said anything..it's okay." Shut up, Peeta. ~

"No!" I say quickly. "I mean...no. I don't want to forget." What is he going on about anyway? "It's a nice thought, if that's what you were trying to get at." ~

"I guess..." I sigh. "It'd be nicer if it was even plausible." ~

"I don't know. It _could _be plausible. It can't just stay like this forever, can it?" Honestly, I can't picture the Hunger Games lasting forever. "If they keep sending kids to the arena, won't the population die off? It's stable now, but...people are going to be afraid to have kids, and...if they want to keep the human race alive, they'll have to stop, won't they?" ~

"There's enough people in the Capitol...and more than two kids are born in each District every year." They'll never stop. "They don't care. To fix it, they'll probably just put in some law that everyone has to have more kids." I rest my head in my arms. "It's wishful thinking. I just...don't want to be afraid to be seen, or...or if we can ever live normal lives again, I don't know... When I was little, I wanted kids." I whisper. "Always did. But I always would feel guilty for forcing them into a world with the Games." ~

"I understand that. It's not really a big deal here, because, well...you know how it is around here. The Hunger Games are normal, and participation is encouraged, but...I get what you're saying. I would feel guilty, too." I bite into my apple muffin and finish the bite before speaking again. "You know, around here...I mean, I was kinda shocked, or confused, when you were talking to me about your wake and everything, about how they take the class. Here, they don't, because it's just seen as...if you win the Games, then you've brought your district pride, and if not...if you lost, you're just...a part of the ground, then. You don't matter. People around here usually wouldn't feel guilty about having kids, then." ~

"It's a routine. We only have one living Victor. So... At least 147 kids from District 12 have died from the Games. Another two because of the one Quarter Quell where there were 4 tributes." 149. "Then there's the other victor we had before he died...and me." ~

"That's a lot." I take another bite. "If it means anything, I consider you a victor too." Not that it brings back all those dead kids, but... ~

"Yeah, well...I'm just number 146 to the world." ~

"The world doesn't matter to me anymore." ~

"You know..." I glance up at him. "If they find out I'm alive... They'll kill me. For real, this time." ~

"That's why they're not going to find out." I stop eating and look back up at him. "You're not having second thoughts about staying here, are you?" Oh_ shit_. If he found something in this house that gave away the secret about what my father really does for a living...he'll wanna leave. ~

"No, no...I just...you know they'll..they'll probably kill you, too..." I choke out. "Because you're helping me." ~

"I know." He's worried about me getting killed...how sweet. "At least we'll be together. I know you gave your life for mine in the Games, but...I wouldn't want to go on knowing that we weren't together when you..." ~

"When I...what?" ~

"If," I correct myself. "If you die..." It won't happen. I won't let it. "I wanna be with you if they take you away. We die together, remember?" ~

"But..." I go to object. We did say that though, didn't we? "I...guess so." ~

"It's pointless, life without you. I wouldn't_ want_ to go on without you." I know he was going to object to it. ~

"I just...wish no one had to die. And...I can't just hide here forever...it's just my luck. This...is too perfect. Nothing goes this right. Something has to go wrong." I lower my eyes. I hate talking like this, but... ~

"Not forever. You'll get older eventually. People will forget." I pause. "I've been hiding for months. It's not so bad, when you have a friend to talk to." The crazy little friend inside my mind. ~

"I didn't think it'd be bad...they're just going to find me eventually, Cato... I'm so afraid." I realize my hands are shaking, so I clench them to try and stop. ~

I haven't seen him this shaky since the night he told me he loves me. "I get that you're afraid, but...so am I." I move my chair closer to his and take his hand, forcing him to open it. "There isn't much else to do...I'm sorry." ~

"Just...promise you'll stay with me? No matter what they do?" I'm asking so much, but... "If... If they kill me, or take me away, do it quickly or slowly...even if you're not there..." I finally look at him. "Stand by me?" My voice cracks. ~

"I'll always be on your side, Peeta. Even if you're in the Capitol, and I'm here, and they all come here to ask about you...I'm on your side. I'll always stand by you. Always." ~

I scoot my chair over to sit next to him, lean my head on his shoulder, and cry in silence. I feel like it's the day I was Reaped...but now, there's no one to watch. I can cry now, having this feeling of death come over me. Because it's just Cato and I. Just as it always should have been. ~

What do I do about this? I hate seeing him cry, but...he has to get it all out eventually. "I won't let you die, you know. I promise, in the end, whether it be tomorrow or decades from now, it'll be you and me." ~

At first, I just bite my lip and nod. "I...I hope it's the latter." Then, I close my eyes and try to think of better things. Of us, decades from now, older, in a better place than here. Maybe, by then, we'll be...together, married, or..or something like that. I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. ~

"Please don't be so sad anymore...if it's the former, then you would've spent your last day of peace crying...and if it's the latter, you would've cried for no reason." I kiss the top of his head. "Come on. Life's too short either way to be sad. There should always be some reason for you to be happy." ~

"Well..." He's right on that. "I'm here with you right now." ~

"Yeah, see? It's not totally bad. And you don't know what's going to happen. Maybe we'll be okay." ~

"Yeah, maybe..." I lift my head. "...Kiss me?" ~

...Because he needs permission to do that, right? "Why are you even asking?" ~

"I just..." Because of _him_. "I don't know." I pause. "Please?" ~

"No, I mean, you don't have to ask me. We're dating. You can have a kiss whenever you please," I laugh, leaning in and giving him the kiss that he so _kindly _asked me for. ~

"I don't mean to...just...we've only really known each other for about a week, really, if you think about it. I...spoke to you two days before the Games about joining the Careers...three days in, my cannon fired...and so..so, this is day seven." ~

"Then, happy one week," I smile. "And I told you I loved you like less than a day after I kissed you. I think we're past the point of 'Can I kiss you?'" ~

"I loved you before I kissed you," I force a laugh. "Just...nervous habit, I guess." ~

"Don't be nervous around me. I'm not that great." ~

"I think so," I sigh, taking his hand. "How long do we have until someone's home?" ~

"Hours and hours and hours," I laugh. "My mom's probably really glad to finally be out of the house after all this time of just trying to force food down my throat every day, and my dad doesn't get home until late. We have the house to ourselves." ~

"And...we're still making that cake, right?" ~

"Well, duh! Birthday cake! But..." I look down at the table. "We just ate, and I'm going to want batter and stuff...so not this second, right?" ~

"No, no...but I was just making sure. Should I save some of these for your mom?" ~

"Um, _yeah!_ She wouldn't believe how good they were unless she actually tasted them!" ~

"Just making sure!" I stand. "Do you have a container around I can pack these in? Then maybe we can just...hang out, or something." ~

"Are you joking?" I push my chair back, stand, and walk over to one of the cabinets underneath the sink. "I have entire cabinet filled with just...containers." And I open it, revealing containers of all different sizes. "You know, to fit all the fucking food they give us." ~

I lower my eyes. "Oh," I pick up the plate. "I just..." It's insane how victors live like this, and people die on the street in Twelve everyday because they can't get anything to eat. "Now I'm thinking about my family back home." They can't be doing well. "I...I took tesserae for the family. Now what've they got?" ~

He took tesserae? "Um...one less mouth to feed?" There has to be a bright side somewhere...and I suppose that's it. ~

"A month's worth of tesserae is for more than just me," I sigh. "Sure, my mouth is gone...but then there's everyone else." ~

"Can I ask you a question?" ~

"Shoot." ~

"Please don't think I'm stupider than I actually am..." ~ ~

"I don't think you're stupid," I give him a bit of a smile and take the plate of pastries and muffins to the counter. "What is it?" ~

"What exactly _is_ tesserae...?" I know the poor kids take it, but... ~

My mouth gapes slightly before I answer. It's a different life he's had, Peeta. "It's...grain and oil. A supply you can get. You sign up, and the Capitol gives it to you for...sorta free." Free in a sense. ~

"Oh. I figured it was some type of food. I just didn't really get it completely." This makes a little more sense now. "See? The Capitol can't be all bad, right? Free food." ~

"Yeah, you can get some every month, and it lasts about that long. We used ours to eat...we could afford other grain, but that stuff was better than the tesserae, so we used it to sell." I shrug. Not all bad, right? So...if you're starving, you've got to take just one more chance on your life so you don't starve to death sooner? ~

"Cool!" I smile. "It was nice of you to take some, then...maybe one of your brothers can take it now, since you can't." ~

"They're both too old, now." You have to be of Reaping age. ~

"Oh, how old are they? Like, ten years older than you or something?" That's not that weird of an age difference anyway, and if they're too old for tesserae, then they must be adults or something. ~

"One's nineteen, the other is twenty-one." Two years apart, us three. ~

"Oh wow, my age? So I wouldn't be able to take tesserae anymore?" ~

"No, you would. I mean... you wouldn't really, but people your age could." He's just going to freak out if he knows how many times my name was in the bowl for the Reaping. ~

"So nineteen is like, the cutoff age or something? Eighteen and under only?" Makes sense, I guess. "Why not me? Do I have too much money or something?" ~

"No," I grab one of the bins. "You just..." Don't lie, but don't tell him everything. "You have to be eligible for the Reaping, too." I shrug. "So they're kinda like, 'oh, we'll give you food but you have to be in our Games' blah blah. So you couldn't, because you've already won the Games." ~

"Ohhhhhh!" Alright. Got it. "Well, obviously those people would have to be in the Games. You can't...opt out," I laugh. "Unless you like, manage to bring a knife to the Reaping and cut your heart out once your name is called." ~

"I saw a girl slit her throat open when she was Reaped. When I was really, really little. It was terrifying. I think I was like, 8, because it was my oldest brother's first Reaping." ~

"...What the fuck?" Shit. "Did she...die? Or did they patch her up and send her into the arena?" ~

"She died. They just...took her body away and pulled out another name." ~

I was just making it up. I had no idea someone would actually do that. "That's insane, but...I can see the logic." ~

"If you're gonna die anyway, right?" I start putting the pastries away. "Sad thing is, I can remember the other girl they Reaped was covered in blood, cause she was right next to the first girl. I think they were friends, my one brother had said when we got home." ~

"Your brother knew them?" ~

"Nah, but he was in the crowd with the boys. So he heard them talking about it." ~

Okay, good. That would've made them two twelve year olds that got reaped. That would've really sucked. "So...both your brothers are safe from the Games...but you got reaped...?" ~

"Yeah. Just the way the cards fell." Maybe because both of them only ever had 7 slips in. ~

"So what did you guys talk about before you left for the Capitol? I mean, did they even come see you?" ~

"Mmhmm. I got to talk to my dad alone...one last time. I cried for most of it." ~

"You said you only told him you were gay, right?" I ask. "So you guys were really close." ~

I could cry now thinking about it. "Yeah...Yeah, we really were. I'm most worried about him, back home." My voice is shaking a little. "We just were together _all the time_." ~

"I don't know how, but..." I feel really bad now. "I promise, I'll try to find some way for you two to see each other again." ~

A/N: Peeta's relationship with his father is super deep and important. :3 I love them. Asfuisewrnftiewo Okay, so review! xx


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: Lots and lots of chapters you shall receive tonight! But try to review each one...I appreciate it! (Starts Peeta's POV)

"It...probably won't happen. I'm just trying to expect it so I don't get my hopes up for nothing." Wait. "You think...I could call or you or something? To...to just make sure he's alright? Under the guise of someone calling the bakery or something." I need to know he's okay. ~

"I think it should be okay...it's not like the Capitol taps phones or anything around here." Trust me. I'd know. I have plenty of phone experience, as well as plenty of childhood friends. We all could've gotten in trouble for something. "You really want to? I mean-obviously you want to, but...you get what I mean?" ~

"I do...I...I just have to know. I didn't even get to say any sort of goodbye. You and your mom are the only ones who know I'm alive. I wanted to leave a note, but..." Too risky. "Even you could call. I might break, or he could recognize me. Just...put it on speaker so I could hear his voice." ~

"You don't want to tell him you're okay or anything?" I walk into the living room to get the cordless phone. "What do you want me to say?" ~

"I mean...I don't know. Anything. I...I want to tell him. Maybe you could just call as you. And kinda hint I could be okay. Cause...they dug up the coffin and all, and maybe he'll get it, and you could hint that maybe I'll see him again if it's ever safe." That sounds good. ~

"Alright..." I walk back into the kitchen and sit in my seat at the table. "Don't yell at me if I'm blunt about it," I laugh, handing him the phone. "You dial...you know the number, right?" Lots of people don't even know their own numbers. It's not like they call themselves all the time. ~

"Yeah, let me just..." I start punching in the number, starting with the "12" area code. I hold my ear up to it for a second to make sure I got it right. "It's ringing!" I whisper, quickly handing him back the phone. ~

"Ooh, someone's excited," I laugh, pushing the 'speaker' button on the phone. Then, I set the phone down on the table and wait for the ringing to stop and someone to pick up. ~

On the third ring, a man some ways away picks up the phone, hands covering in flour. "Mellark Bakery, Pane Mellark speaking, how can I help you today?" ~

"Shit what do I do," I whisper under my breath. "Um..." I look to Peeta and see him nod, confirming that it's his father. "Hello...?" I half-ask. Peeta said I could call as me, but I'm not just going to outright say...hi, this is your son's most recent fuck. Okay. ~

"Yes, hello?" He says, a bit louder, thinking maybe the person on the other end couldn't hear him that well. ~

"Yeah, hi, I'm just...calling to check in on you and your family. I heard about..." I'm afraid to finish it. And I'm trying my best to be not as blunt as I normally am. ~

The man's breath catches short. "..P-Peeta." He completes the sentence shakily. "Yes, I...I suppose everyone did hear." He pauses to compose himself. ~

"Yeah..." I take a deep breath. "Sorry. You don't know who I am, do you?" ~

He was going to ask, but if it was someone merely giving condolences, he would accept them from anyone-but really, now that he thinks about it, there aren't many, if any, he can think of who would give their condolences on Peeta. "...No." He pulls the phone with its cord to the seat near the window. "...Do you mind if I ask?" ~

"It's...his boyfriend." I smile at Peeta. ~

He pauses in slight confusion. "I'm afraid I don't-" Then, he realizes. "...Cato?" ~

"That's me." Ah. I see I'm well-known. ~

"Well...well, I very much appreciate the call, young man..." His voice is shaky, just as his son's gets. "Really, I do." It's something for him to be speaking to the last person to be with and speak to his son before he died far before his time. ~

"Thanks, I'm just glad you took the time to talk," I laugh. "I'm sorry if I'm like...taking up your time or something. I just know that Peeta is close to you, so I just thought that...this was a long overdue call." Not that I had any way of calling for the past three months. ~

"It's really nothing...we're past morning rush here, so...I'm not very busy. There's usually a lot to be done, but you caught me on an off day." ~

"Kay, good." So he didn't catch my 'is' instead of 'was.' Maybe I'm too subtle. "I just want you to know that your son is loved." ~

That's when his tears start, quietly, but can be heard in his voice. "I...I'm sure that would've meant the world to him, Cato. That's all he ever wanted." ~

"It does mean the world to him, Mr. Mellark. And I'm sure, that wherever he is...I don't think it's somewhere bad." He was practically grave-robbed, according to the rest of the country, but...yeah. ~

"Does?...H-he's dead, Cato." The man chokes out in a sob. "But...you're probably right. Anywhere is better for him than here." ~

"Uh..." My heart is pounding in my chest. I can't just listen to him cry anymore...it's like listening to Peeta cry. They sound the same. "I have something to tell you, regarding where Peeta is...but you have to promise not to tell anyone. You can't." ~

His heart nearly stops. "What?" He takes a second to gather together what he just heard. "You...you know who took him?" He just wants the boy back somewhere safe. ~

"No one took...He didn't..." Ugh. "I know where he is." ~

So this is why he called. "Please," He begs. "Please tell me where he is." Rest in peace shouldn't be disturbed. "I was so sure it was some horrible joke with those boys, but..." ~

"He's here," I blurt out. ~

"What..?" He gets to his feet. ~

"He's in my kitchen...next to me. Please, you can't tell anyone. If it gets out, he could be gone for real...I shouldn't be telling you now, even...but you have to know." ~

"You...stole my son's body and have it in your kitchen?" He wants to throw up. Partially because of the thought, and partially because there's nothing he can do about it. ~

"I what-NO!" Oh god, I forgot to mention he's alive. "No, no, no, no, no! You see, he's not dead...I didn't steal him. That's...that's sick, ew, no." ~

Now he's going to pass out. "There's no way. What, that boy dug himself from underground and walked to District Two? I understand we all have our ways of grieving, Cato, but I really don't appreciate this..." ~

"No! He wasn't underground, he left months ago...you can ask me questions or something! I know things now that he didn't tell me in the Games. I'm not grieving, or insane...well, everybody's a little crazy, but still!" Now he thinks I'm a sick freak. Wonderful. ~

Well...now that Cato's given it away, we're all in or all out here, right? And I've been yearning to say something for the entire conversation. I hear him start to speak again. "Cato, I'm sorry, but-"

"Daddy?"

Silence.

"Peeta?" ~

"See!" I shoot Peeta a look for finally working up the courage to say something. "He's okay." ~

It only takes a second for me to start crying, and I realize he is, too. Like father, like son.

"How on earth..." The voice begins, unsure but excited.

"I-it's a really long story, dad, but...but I'm okay, see? I'm here, and Cato's taking care of me, and keeping me safe and hidden, a-and...and...I miss you." I cry, staring at the phone.

He just cries for a minute. "I miss you too, kiddo. I really do. I...I've been thinking you've been underground with all the miners this whole time."

"No, no..." I laugh quietly through tears. "I..I'm here, in District Two."

"And...that boy's being good to you, little Peeta?"

"Mmhmm." I look over to Cato. "He's wonderful." ~

"Thank you, shortie," I laugh, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Peeta's more wonderful," I say to the phone. "Thank you for your wonderful son." ~

"He's...in a better place." I can just see him grinning to himself. "Will...will you ever be able to come home?"

I hope so. "I...really don't know. But...I'm safe here. So I've got a lot of time to figure it out." ~

"I told him I'd try to find a way. I really want him to see you again, because he keeps saying that he misses you, and I feel bad." ~

"It...was hard, watching the Games. Because I was able to protect him as best I could his whole life. And I didn't even have a chance, there. Now I know there's someone else looking out for him...you please keep him safe. And you, kid-don't take any unnecessary risks. And...try to call your old man, sometimes."

"I will dad. I will, I will, I promise." ~

"I swear I'll keep him safe. I'd give myself up to protect him, if necessary. You don't need to be nervous. I have him." I reach to find his hand and grasp it. "I just wanted you to know he's okay...I mean, my mom knows, so...it's only right that you know too." ~

"And...she's better than Peeta's mother, I have to hope and assume?"

"Much." Any mother is. "Don't worry. Please, try not to worry." ~

"She's the best!" I laugh. "I'm going to show her the food Peeta made. She'll love it!" Okay, so I love my mom. Big deal. ~

"I believe it." I hear the bell ring in the background. Then, a muffle goes over the speaker so he isn't as loud, and he shouts. "Didn't I say you weren't welcome here? Leave." And the door slams again. He doesn't get very upset that often. "Sorry about that." He comes back to the phone and says. ~

"That's okay...who was that?" He doesn't sound like the type of person who can get that angry. Shit. Remind me never to make Peeta angry. ~

I know exactly who it was. There's only one person specifically who isn't welcome in the bakery. "No one of concern, doesn't matter." I rush out before my dad can respond. This isn't something I want to bring up now, or today, or anything. ~

So Peeta knows. And won't tell me. Ugh. "Okay then...you tell that jerk to never come back!" I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. ~

"He'd best not." My dad sighs.

"Nope." I fiddle my fingers for a moment before speaking again. "So...I'll call again soon?" ~

"Correction. I'll make sure he calls again soon," I smile proudly. ~

"Alright...I...I'll get going, then."

"I love you, dad! I promise I'll see you soon or talk to you or something." I rush out before he hangs up.

"Just...be safe, little Peeta. Be safe." And the line goes dead. ~

"Do you feel better?" I ask, clicking the red 'end' button on the phone and picking it up. "Happy?" ~

"Thank you!" I allow myself to fall onto him happily. My father knows I'm alive. I could see him again, someday. ~

"You're welcome!" I laugh, holding him stable so that he doesn't fall onto the floor in a fit of happiness. "Oh, thank god you talked! He thought I was some sick bastard, and then he thought I was delusional or something, and...damn." ~

"You've gotta be more specific with what you say to us both. We're like the same person," I smile. "We take things way too seriously." ~

"Sorry, I just...find the wrong words sometimes." Match made in heaven. "But you feel a lot better now, don't you?" I love seeing this kid happy. ~

"So much." And a little afraid, naturally, but mostly happy. "Thank you." ~

"Well duh!" I laugh. "We probably shouldn't call every day, but a couple times a week should be okay. It could be like I'm calling your old home to check on things after hearing the news. So even if someone suspects something...they won't know you were on the phone too." ~

"That's...genius." ~

"Well, don't get used to the genius ideas...I can't come up with them under pressure, as you could tell while I was on the phone before you." ~

"I'll keep it in mind. Put you under pressure more often." I laugh. ~

"No, don't! Because then I just say things that I probably shouldn't even say! Urgh." ~

"You pull it off well." ~

"Yeah, you say that now. That could potentially screw shit up along the way. I don't know," I laugh. ~

"Well...we'll see. Won't we?" ~

"Probably." I comb through his hair with my fingers. He really needs a cut soon. "I'm glad your dad likes me." ~

"He likes almost everyone," I smile. "Almost." But Cato hasn't done anything like Terra to make my dad hate him. He's only done good things. ~

"Almost? He's capable of...oh, was it that person he yelled at?" ~

"Yes sir." Bastard. Probably the only person I hate, too. ~

"Who was it?" Not like I would know them. "King jerk or something?" ~

"The very same." ~

"Ugh! Your dad should've put me on the phone!" ~

"Not worth your time." I shrug. ~

"Totally worth my time. I love yelling at jerks," I smile. ~

"He's...he's just some guy," I shake my head. "Don't worry." I whisper. I don't want to see him ever again if I can avoid it. ~

"Alright, alright, whatever you say," I roll my eyes. Pfft. Don't worry. "Oh, I'm so glad you called, though. Now you made him happy! You don't have to feel bad about not being there for your tesserae!" ~

"No...I still do." Because they won't have anything to eat. ~

"But don't you think he'd rather know that you're alive and safe? I think he's more overjoyed about that than sad about not having any tesserae. It'd matter more to him, wouldn't it?" I ask. ~

"I suppose." I sigh. "That's just less food for them." And I can't help feeling responsible. ~

"But...oh, come on, cheer up! I'm sure they'll get by..." ~

"I hope so." ~

"I know so! C'mon, I'm an optimist here. And...a bit of a realist, I guess. Everything has to get better. I can feel it, Peeta. My gut feelings are usually right!" I laugh. ~

"I trust you!" I smile a little. "I really hope you can meet him someday. My brothers, too. Not really my mom though. That's okay." ~

"Me too! I hope you can meet my...nevermind. After my mom, that's it, so..." I laugh. ~

"Maybe your dad'll grow to like me, someday. Wishful thinking, right?" ~

"Yeah...about that." Never gonna happen. "Wishful thinking, but...he doesn't even like me all that much. So, you...just no." ~

"No...?" I sigh. "I wish things like this were easier. Why can't straight people be the ones that the public thinks are weird? I don't think anyone should be discriminated against, but... It's just not right." ~

"Ah, of course. Those damn straighties shouldn't go together at all. Vaginas are gross," I joke. It's a good thought, though. What's so wrong about gay people anyway? ~

"Yes!" I laugh. "Not really, just...why does it matter if I love you, and you're a guy and I'm a guy?..." It doesn't make sense. I'm not hurting anyone else. ~

"I dunno. Because two guys can't make babies?" I laugh. "I never saw a problem with it. I don't know." ~

"Well, it's stupid. And ignorant." I lean on my hands. "We've got your mom and my dad, though." ~

"That's all we need," I smile. "Actually, I'd be content with just us." ~

"You know...so would I." I'd be happy with this for the rest of my life, he and I. ~

"I love you more than I love myself." ~

"And I feel the same way." ~

"Yeah, well, that's understandable for you...you don't really like yourself that much, do you?" I sigh. "But people always told me I'm full of myself and that the only person I could ever love is me, so..." ~

"I came in and proved otherwise. You've just gotta find the right person-how many times have I told you this?" People've really got to listen to me sometimes. I know what I'm talking about. ~

"Well...at least once," I laugh. "But you're right." ~

"I usually am." ~

"I mean, you're the right person, too." ~

"Isn't that convenient?" ~

"It's just the way it was supposed to turn out. I think we were meant for each other." ~

"You make me glad I was Reaped, you know. Even when I thought I was going to die there...It was really nice knowing I had someone who loved me for me." ~

"It was nice knowing I once had someone who actually took the time to get to know me, and still liked me after that," I laugh. "Match made in heaven." ~

"That's what love is!" ~

"Yep!" I smile. "Your dad won't tell anyone, right?" ~

"No...He knows that could hurt me. So he wouldn't dare." ~

"Not your brothers or anything? So it's just him," I confirm. ~

"He's good at secrets." ~

A/N: That's that! Now you've met Mr. Mellark! Okay! More to come! Xx


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: INSERT FLUFF AND FORESHADOWING AHEAD. STARTS CATO POV.

"Then we're good." I look over at the clock. Still not lunchtime yet. "Hey, you wanna move this party over to the couch for a little while?" ~

"You're throwing me a party?" ~

I laugh quietly at his adorableness. "A party for two, sure." ~

"Will there be cake?" It can't be a party without cake. ~

"Of course. We're baking after our little couch party." ~

"Okay," I reach out for him. "C'mon!" ~

Forget walking. I scoop him up from the chair into my arms, carry him into the next room, and literally throw him onto the couch with a perfect landing. ~

After losing my dignity and yelping like a puppy as I land on the couch, I curl up into a ball and extend my arms to him. He can't just leave me alone here. "Cato," I whine. "Come love me." ~

"You're needy and whiny and that won't get you anywhere with me." ~

"B...but..." I clench my hands a little in the air. "But I need you..." I look up at him with my best puppy-dog eyes and a small pout. ~

"Needy," I emphasize. ~

"So...you don't love me?" I drop my arms in defeat, and begin thinking terrible, terrible things I know'll make me cry. ...Like him not loving me. And that alone does it. I feel the first tear fall and look away from him. "I...I'll go if you want..." ~

"Peeta, no." I shake my head and kneel down next to him. "Stay." ~

"...Hm?" I look up to him from my little ball. ~

"Why would I ask you to go? I love you...and I want you here with me." ~

"'Cause I'm needy." ~

"I was only joking. So what if you're needy?" I kiss his forehead. "You're needy because you said no one cared about you like I do. You need love." ~

Well put, Cato...very well put. "I need you." ~

"I know, so...stop crying. You have me. Why are you crying?" ~

"Because, you were gonna leave me all alone on the couch." I slip a little smile out and kiss his nose. ~

"But...I was standing right there." He's so emotional. Geez. ~

"But...I was all the way over here. And now you are, too." ~

"But why did you cry?" ~

"Because...I thought about what I'd said." ~

"Oh...well, don't listen to yourself. You're not always right." ~

"Just most of the time." I try my best. ~

"Well let's test it out..." Let's just see how right you are. "I love you. Am I lying, or am I truthing?" ~

"Truthing." I say without hesitation. ~

"You sure?" I smile. He's so positive about it now. I love it. ~

"Mhm." I nod. ~

"You're wrong." Not completely. I love him, but...how I feel is much more complicated than that. ~

I feel my face suddenly go pale, and my heart stops. "...What?" ~

"I'm so..." I turn my hands in circles, as if trying to get thoughts to flow into my mind. "So...infinitely? In love...with..." I point to him. "You." ~

"You scared me." I smile a little, leaning in to kiss him softly. Oh god, does he know how to scare me. ~

"Sorry...I tend to do that, don't I?" ~

"You know best." ~

"I...suppose I do. You know what I know?" ~

"Oh god..what?" This can go any way with him. ~

"You are perfect." ~

"You barely know anything about me," I sigh, sitting up a little. "I'm far, far from perfect." ~

"Then tell me about yourself. Because until you prove otherwise, you are perfect. Perfect for me, at least." I wish other people would hear me say all this. That'd be a nice change of pace for them, me calling someone other than myself perfect. ~

"Well...ask me things, and I'll tell you." I'm not good at talking about myself. ~

"Hmm...what's your favorite flavor of cake?" We might as well get this straightened out before we start. ~

"Red velvet," I respond immediately. "It's the perfect in between of chocolate and vanilla." ~

"Mine is dark chocolate. I'm not sure if I've ever had red velvet before." I pause. "We can make red velvet cake if you want. I just don't know if we have everything...well, we probably do, but yeah. Birthday cake for you!" ~

"I'll make you dark chocolate cake. Both those go great with like...cream cheese and cinnamon icing." ~

"Okay, I can't object to cream cheese and cinnamon icing...but it's your birthday. You don't want red velvet?" ~

"I want to finally get to bake something for you now that we're not trapped in that arena!" ~

"Alright, fine! Dark chocolate it is!" I laugh, laying my head on the end of the couch cushion, right next to his hand. "I like chocolate." ~

"That makes me think...can I ask you something?" I laugh to myself. ~

"You can ask me anything." ~

"Before the Games, in that apartment building we were in...were you allowed to have dessert?" ~

"No, of course not! They said sweets would've been bad for us, slowed us down. Why, did you think you guys were the only ones not allowed to have any?" ~

"No," I laugh. "We were allowed. They told us you weren't, but I didn't know if it was to just make us feel better or something." ~

"...What?" Ouch. That hurt. "You were allowed dessert?" ~

"Mmhmm." ~

"I...I can't even look at you anymore," I joke. "I asked every night and they always said no! That's not fair!" ~

"Because we were already hopeless cases to them, so...a little dessert wouldn't harm." I laugh. ~

"But...I wanted dessert..." I sigh, "Even a little pita bread would've been nice." ~

"It was good, but don't freak out like you're never gonna have better desserts. Duh." I said, ignoring his slight innuendo. ~

"Who knows? That could've been my last chance for desserts ever! What if I'd died in there? No more desserts for me!" ~

"Well...you didn't." I hold a hand out to him to play with his hair. "And you're dating a baker." ~

"Oh, it's a dream come true," I laugh. "And you're dating...a killer." ~

"Aren't we all? Who've been through the Games... Actively or passively." ~

"But I went in there to kill." ~

"But you realized it was wrong...and when you did it again, it was so you could live. Because you knew I wanted you to win. You realized your mistake...that's leaps and bounds beyond most. The rest was necessity." ~

"I suppose so." Maybe he's right. "You're great. You know that?" ~

"Says you." I'm not. But if he thinks so. "You're not such a bad guy, either." ~

"Says you," I stick my tongue out. "And I...I told you that you aren't, either." ~

"Not bad. Just...pathetic." I laugh. "Short, baker, gay, one friend who's really just my boyfriend, hiding out from the government..." Coolest kid ever, right? ~

"Short and adorable. Really good baker. Yay gay. Boyfriend is the best kind of friend. And hiding out from the government is the coolest thing ever!" ~

"You know, having first saw you, I'd never expect this side of you...but I like it. I like it a lot." ~

"Never?" I laugh. "I'm insanely clingy, too...just warning you." ~

"And I'm definitely the jealous type. So we're even." ~

"Exactly...how jealous?" Jealous people scare me. ~

"I'd never tell you unless you asked," I laugh a little. "I just...I'm really insecure. So I get jealous over little things, but I won't mention them because deep down I know it's nothing." ~

"So...if I told you I had girls coming here every day, what would you do?" I laugh. ~

"I'd go insane." I admit with a bit of a laugh. "Tell you I had to use the bathroom and cry my eyes out there for a while. Then maybe come back out to try and clear things up without sobbing in front of you. I know myself too well." ~

Oh god he's crazy jealous. "Well, you won't have to worry about that." ~

"I'm not insane...just really insecure." I don't want him to get all scared away. ~

"Don't worry. First and only, right?" ~

"I'm yours if you're mine." Was it not about four months ago when I thought I was heading to death, and now I'm in District Two with a once Career tribute who I'm in love with...talking about being each other's one and only's. I like this turn of events. I like it a lot. ~

"Then it's settled!" Finally...someone I go after returns my feelings. This is the best. ~

"And...You're sure, right? You're not just going to change your mind and tell me you don't like guys or anything...right? I just...can't believe this. Us. How wonderful it is." Because I've gone through some sick jokes, too. And they aren't funny anymore. ~

"That's ridiculous-wait, no, I think your little speech cured me! I want the girls now!" I laugh. "Come on, you serious? I wouldn't make out with you and sleep in bed with you if I didn't like guys." ~

"Some people are just sick like that. It isn't funny, I just...worry. There are some people who think things are hilarious at the expense of others...and it's just not right." That's an understatement. But the Terra story is a story for a total other day. He'd run away screaming if he knew everything. Slowly, but surely, I'll tell him. I'll even tell him about my sixteenth birthday. He deserves to know. Just...not yet. ~

"Doesn't make any sense to me," I shrug. Making out with someone for a sick joke? Who would do that anyway? "But no, that's not me." ~

"I didn't think so..just thought I'd ask." ~

"Why, you think I'm too good for you or something?" Completely wrong. ~

"All the time." It's all I can ever really think about. ~

"Oh, please...I'm not nearly as perfect as you seem to think. I'm not too good for you." He'll realize that someday. ~

"For now...I think you're perfect. So perfect you shall be."

"No..." I whine. "Then for now, so are you!" ~

"But I'm sure I'm not! There's a difference!" I whine. Okay, so I'm really not good at compliments. Whatever. "You, on the other hand..." He's actually perfect. ~

"Either both of us are, or neither of us are. Take it or leave it." ~

"That isn't fair." He doesn't play fair. ~

"No, it's completely fair," I smirk. ~

"Ugh," I sigh, posting the spot next to me. "Just come sit with me." This was his idea after all. ~

"You're a stubborn jerk." I sit on the edge of the couch. ~

"When did I become a jerk?" ~

"When you decided not to take my compliment." ~

I don't see how that makes me a jerk. But...instead of fighting it, I just snuggle into him quietly. This is a nice thing. I like this. ~

Peeta so willingly gets close to me whenever he has the chance. That's more than I could say about other people. "There's no other like you...I just want you to know that." ~

"Even the Capitol can't replicate me, right?" ~

"Even the perfect Capitol can't replicate you." ~

"Stop!" I laugh, hiding my face. "They're not perfect. Not even close." ~

"Course not. They send twenty-three kids to their deaths every year." I pause. "But little do they know...this year it was only twenty-two." ~

"Because I'm unkillable!" ~

"Stay that way." ~

"I'll try." I've never been able to die. Even when I wanted to. I laugh to myself at the thought, cringing slightly. ~

A/N: Oh-ho-ho! Reviews, please! The ending is coming soon! Xo


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: YAY PLOT DEVELOPMENT! Starts in Cato POV.

"No, you're going to try and succeed...you okay?" ~

"...Yeah." I lie. That's not a story for today. But I'm also a terrible liar. ~

"I thought we established earlier...that lying is a bad thing." Maybe I'm just really bad at detecting lies from him now. "No lies?" ~

"Just...not things to talk about today." I look away. "I told you, I've got a lot of things you don't know, Cato." ~

"And you said secrets are bad..." I'm keeping a pretty big one from him now, though. One that'll probably scare him off. "I'm not gonna like...kick you out or anything, if it's something bad...I don't want you to go." ~

"I'm just...afraid you'll see me differently. We've only known each other for a week, really." ~

"I feel like I've known you forever. And differently? You'll always be cute, sweet Peeta to me. Okay?" ~

"It's definitely not sweet." I squeeze his hand. "You're going to worry. If I tell you, you'll just worry or think I'm crazy. Can...can we not?" ~

Well, I can't say this isn't making me worry. "I won't think you're crazy." ~

"Cato," I insist. "This isn't something good, like me being in love with you. So stop persisting, okay?" I stop for a second. "I'm...sorry I raised my voice. You didn't do anything wrong." I just snapped. ~

"I...wasn't persisting. I was just saying, good or bad, when the time comes, I won't think you're crazy..." This is a bit uncomfortable now. ~

"...I'm sorry." I really have to stop talking. "It's bad, I promise. But...doesn't really concern you. It's...past." ~

"You'll tell me eventually, right?" He can't just leave out his past when he tells me all about himself. ~

"Of course. It's not something I can avoid...the time just really isn't right." ~

"Alright," I sigh. "I'll still love you after it, if you're worried about that or anything." ~

"I...I'd hope you would." Because it's a very loveless story. Besides my dad, really. It's a story all about love with him. ~

"I'll always love you." ~

"I hope you're right." ~

Only hope? "I know I'm right." ~

"Thank you." He's perfect. "For loving me...broken me." ~

"Hey now...you're not broken." ~

"Oh, but I am..." I finally look back at him and smile sadly. "Nearly beyond repair. But...then you came along." ~

"Do you want me to fix you, Peeta?" I ask. ~

I look him in the eyes. "Please." ~

"Okay. Close your eyes." ~

I raise an eyebrow in confusion. What's he doing? But I comply, and give a little nod once they're closed. ~

Once I'm sure he can't see me anymore, I quickly and quietly climb on top of him and kiss him. Love can fix anything. ~

At first, I'm taken by surprise by the kiss. But quickly, I work into it, kissing him back and relaxing beneath him. ~

I start to laugh a little bit into the kiss and pull back a little, much to Peeta's dismay. "Fixed yet?" ~

"It's going to take a lot more than that...I've got 16 years of broken. I.." I look up at him hopefully. "I guess you'll just have to stick around for a long time." ~

"I'll stick around. But...if it's gonna take more than that, then..." So I go in and kiss him again. ~

And we just kiss for some time. It's nice...knowing that there isn't anyone watching anymore. That we don't have to constantly be worrying or watching our backs for something. I think I hear something for a second, but dismiss it. I'm just so into this moment and this kiss, but...then I hear shouting.

"Cato, I know you're home! I forgot my key!" ~

At the sound of that voice, I immediately pull away from him and roll onto the floor. Shit, shit, shit. "Peeta. Peeta, go somewhere. Now." ~

"Why?" I sit up a bit on the couch. He seems really worried and almost afraid all of a sudden. "...Are you okay?" ~

"Peeta," I say, ignoring the pounding on the front door. "Hide somewhere. Like, the closet. Upstairs underneath our bed. The fridge for all I care. Just go. Don't make a sound. You make a sound, you're dead." ~

At how grave and serious he sounds, I know not to question any further. I run over to a random door which turns out to be a walk in closet type deal. I give Cato a little wave before locking myself inside. Who could it be?

"Cato!" ~

"I'm coming!" Being as silent as I could possibly be, I run over to the stairs, then stomp on the bottom one a few times to make it sound like I just came down from my room. I'd normally be up there, locked away from the world, at this time of day. So it only makes sense. "Coming," I rush over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. "I'm here." Peeta better not make a fucking sound. ~

"Jeez, I know you hide away in that room for hours on end...but it doesn't take that long." The blonde man at the door sighs, stepping into the front hall. "Thanks, though." ~

I step to the side to let him through. "Yeah, I know...I'm just a little slow. That happens after...sitting." Wow. ~

"Uh huh..." He gives Cato a curious look before going in and sitting on one of the chairs in the living room. "Listen...I came home because I knew you'd be here. We've gotta talk about something." ~

Oh fuck he knows. "What's something?" I go and sit in the far off corner of the couch that only moments ago, Peeta and I were making out on. ~

"You've been distant ever since you came home..." He crosses his legs. "And...as tough as I can be, I'm your father. And I don't want you to have to lie to me about things." ~

"Yeah, of course...no lies." Just shoot me dead. No-just shoot Peeta dead. Then he can get a more pleasant death than if he was brought to the Capitol. "I'm sorry if I'm distant? I...the Games are over, so there's just nothing I can really...ya know?" ~

"It has to do a bit with that boy from Twelve, too...doesn't it?" The man leans in a bit. "You can tell me," He says honestly. ~

He's better at detecting lies than I am. Maybe it'd be better for everyone involved if I didn't completely fabricate some story. "I've been a little...off since he died, okay? That's probably it." ~

He sighs. "And with the recent news...have you seen?...that can't help. And I get that you had a phase...but you've got to get on with your life, Cato." ~

This discussion isn't comfortable to be a part of. "Life goes on, doesn't it?" I laugh, because yes, life goes on. Yay. "I can get on with it." ~

"But...you're not even trying."

"Trying, what? No, I'm trying and succeeding," I say, giving him a big smile. "See? Genuine happy." ~

He shakes his head disapprovingly. "You don't have to pretend for me. You don't go out at all, you won't take interviews...The mayor's daughter's asked for you time and time again while I'm over there, and I just tell her you're not feeling well. Why not?" ~

"Because I don't want anyone. And...she's not really my type." The mayor's daughter is all giggly and I hate it. I know. She's flirted with me before. ~

"No one's seemed to be your type." He sighs. "A phase is a phase, Cato...and it's best you get over it and move on. Why not date her? It's not really about her being your type, after all. You're a Victor, she's the mayor's daughter...it'd be really good for you to be with her in the long run." He insists. ~

"But what if I'm happier being alone?" Oh god. He's trying to set me up on a date. ~

"That's not what really matters, Cato. This is all part of being a Victor, now. It's not all about you anymore." ~

"Really? Then what does matter?" ~

"Your face in the public eye." He attempts to not raise his voice. "You asked for this. Now take it. You can't just get the benefits without taking it all." ~

"Yeah, well, you know what the public thinks of me?" I'll have to bring him up. I have to. "The public thinks I'm madly in love. What would it be like to just go out with someone else after that? They'd think I'm a fake. Wouldn't that make me worse?" ~

"It'd give you character, instead of looking like a pathetic, introverted kid! You've got to be mature about this, Cato. Stop whining." He crosses his arms and leans back. "Besides, it won't do you any good to associate with that gay kid from Twelve anymore. Not after what's been happening." ~

"I have character. I'm not pathetic, I'm lovesick. And mature? If you want me to be mature about this, then I will be. Mature people are able to make their own decisions. And my decision is..." Dramatic pause. "No." I take a moment to breathe and calm myself down. "Don't you think that after what's been happening, all the interviewers would go after me more? It can only do good." ~

"You don't know half of what's happening." He hisses. "It'd only do you well to seem as if you've moved on from him and stick to the Capitol like glue. You hear me?" He's not even trying to be cordial anymore. ~

"I don't do well with moving on, father." I bite my lip to keep myself from raising my voice again. "I couldn't get anyone before the Games, and I definitely can't now. Can't we just leave it at that?" ~

"No, we can't." He says in a commanding tone. "You have to establish that you've moved on before the news gets out, or things'll get very bad for you. And not just from me." ~

"Really? And why is that?" I give up. Ugh. ~

"Because an innkeeper in Ten reported seeing your supposedly dead 'Lover Boy' about three weeks after the Games were over." ~

So Peeta wasn't as sneaky as he thought. "That's stupid." ~

"It isn't. Because if it's true, and that kid is somehow alive...he's being branded as a traitor of the Capitol. And anyone associating with him or siding with him'll get a similar fate." ~

"What, and he dug himself up from the underground? Beneath all that...dirt?" I promised I'd stand by him if something like this happened. I won't stop associating with him. ~

"We don't know. But if he's found...he'll face worse than death." No one defies the Capitol like that and lives to tell. ~

"Okay? So say he does get found. If I'm not helping him sneak around, then why would I get in trouble?" ~

"Because, if you're not against him...you're for him. And that means you're against the Capitol. People might think that there's some way to escape the Capitol's power, then...and they could start breaking into riots. Especially if some rebel has the support of a Victor. So you will be meeting with Flora tomorrow night. She already knows. And you will speak out against Peeta Mellark when the time comes. Do you understand me?" ~

"Compromise." If it's not my way, there's no way. "I'll speak out against him. If people ask me if I love him, I'll deny it. It was only for the Games, wasn't it?" I pause. "But I won't be meeting with anyone." ~

"I don't get why you're so adamant about not meeting with her." He shakes his head. "She's not the brightest, but she's a pretty girl." ~

"Exactly. I can't deal with someone stupider than me." Because that's just pathetic at that point. "There was one girl I wanted," I whisper harshly. "Just one. I'd rather her than any of the others." But she hates me. So I won't have to worry about that ever again. If Peeta's super jealous, I don't want to worry him. ~

"Well if you don't have her already...then just move on from that, too. Really, Cato. You get hung up on too many things. Go on one date. It won't kill you, for God's sake." ~

"It won't kill me to not go on a date. I don't want anyone. Anyone," I lie flat out. "Is that good enough? I don't want any of them and I definitely don't want that loser from Twelve. You can tell the world that if you want." ~

He gives a frustrated sigh. "Fine. I won't make you. But...consider it. For me. For yourself. You want kids one day, don't you?" The man shakes his head. "I'm not going to be around for a while because of this whole District Twelve issue...you know how it is. Just...try to get out there, okay?" ~

Good. He won't be around here. "Alright. I'll see if I change my mind. Yes, I want kids." Not in this world, though. "Maybe one day I'll go out, see some girl, think 'Oh, she's cute,' and go on a date and marry her. I don't know. But I'll get out there, kay? I don't want to disappoint you." I couldn't care less. ~

"Good. I...just wanted to assure that you weren't retaining any feelings." He pauses. "Because you know that if we find him, he's dead. And I don't want hard feelings between you and I. I'm your father." ~

"Right. Good luck finding him," I smile. "And I'll be sure to start going after those girls." No I won't. ~

"Mmhmm..." He stands, going over to give Cato a pat on the shoulder before turning to go, stopping in his tracks. "...Did your mom bake?" ~

"...No." Damn it. "I did...do you want a muffin or something?" ~

"Since when do you bake?" He laughs. "No, I was just wondering. Smells good." ~

"I bake since I was hungry for breakfast and Mom didn't cook anything for me. But thanks." Haha. My dad likes Peeta's baking. ~

"No problem." He turns and gives a wave. "I'll keep in touch...okay? Don't get yourself in trouble, be good for your mom, all that jazz." ~

"There's no keeping myself out of trouble," I laugh. "But I'll try my best. Bye, Dad." I wave to him. ~

"Bye," He says one last time before walking out and closing the door behind him. ~

A/N: And...there's Cato's dad. Opinions? Questions? REVIEW! Xo


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: This starts with Cato's dad, going into Cato. MORE PLOT DEVELOPMENT. We're so close to the ending split it's scary! Review, review! :D

"Bye," He says one last time before walking out and closing the door behind him. ~

Once he's gone, I run to the door and double-lock it, just in case. I wait about a minute to make sure he's gone, and once I'm sure, I call over to the closet, "Peeta! You can come out of the closet!" ~

I remain seated on the ground, slightly shaken and extremely terrified. They know there's a chance I could be alive. Oh god, I'm dead. ~

Huh? "Did you fall asleep or something?" I go over and knock on the door. "It's just us." ~

I go to open my mouth to say something, but it just comes out as a faint whimper. I was cocky to think I'd be able to hide myself that well, travelling through all of the Districts. My entire body is shaking and I might cry at any moment. They want me dead. Worse than dead. Whatever that could be. All I can manage to do is raise my arm to flip the lock on the door next to me. ~

When I hear the lock open, I open the door to find him sitting on the ground shaking. "Hey...come on." ~

"They're gonna kill me," I whisper. "They're gonna find me and kill me." I continue starting straight forward. ~

"They're not gonna kill you," I say, kneeling down beside him. "I stand by you, remember?" ~

"Then...then they'll kill you, too." ~

"No they won't. Because I won't let them kill you. We're gonna live, okay?" ~

I turn my head to look at him. "...I'm...unkillable?" I don't want to seem like such a downer to him...even though I know the result here in inevitable. ~

"Yes, you're unkillable," I laugh. "You're safe when you're with me." ~

"Why does he want me dead so much?" His dad. ~

Because it's his job. "Because you gave me gay feelings." That's also true. "He's just hateful. I told you." ~

"He's like everyone back home," I whisper sadly. "They were the same way." ~

"No, no...he might be a little worse," I laugh. He has the power to kill Peeta. No one in Twelve did. "But he'll be gone for a while. So you're safe. Alright? Try not to freak out over it." ~

"I...I hope so. I'll try my best." I hold my hands out to him to help me up. "Can...can we make cake now?" ~

I stand and help him up. "Yes, we can make cake now. And it's gonna be the best cake ever." ~

"Promise?" Baking makes everything better. ~

"Mhm," I smile, leading him out of the closet. "Did you hear every part of that conversation? Even my dad said your baking smells good!" ~

"That was pretty nice hearing," I admit. "So...do you have actual dark chocolate?" ~

"Probably? To be honest, you've probably seen more of the cabinets than I have." ~

"Okay..." I crawl up onto one of the counters and start going through the higher cabinets, pulling out typical cake ingredients and locating some really high grade dark chocolate. "Woah. This stuff is way expensive." ~

"Most of this stuff is," I shrug. "Sorry." ~

"Don't be sorry...that means it's really good," I say as I pass him everything. "That should be it... How about frosting?" I slide off of the counter. ~

"Oh, it should be in the fridge!" I run over to the fridge and open the door. "I'm pretty sure there are unopened cans in here _somewhere._" ~

Had he listened at all? "That was more of a flavor question than a 'do you have that godforsaken canned stuff' question." ~

"No can either?" ~

"As far as I'm concerned, it's a cylindrical box." ~

"Wow...you've enlightened me," I say sarcastically. "I don't know how to make icing. I wouldn't know if we have ingredients." ~

"I do. I'm just asking what flavor you want, or if you don't care." ~

"Well...my favorite is cream cheese, but I think I'm in a chocolatey mood today." ~

"Why not both?" ~

He's the _best. _"Both sounds nice." ~

"Sounds good to me." I walk over to the huge fridge. "I've only been in a Victors Village house once before," I comment as I start pulling out eggs and milk and cream and, of course, cream cheese. ~

"Why?" I sit down at the chair I was sitting in earlier. ~

"My dad did some business with the only living Victor from Twelve, Haymitch Abernathy, who was my mentor. And he had to drop something off at his house, so I tagged along." Bowls, spoons, baking trays. Okay. ~

"Ohh." I tap my hands on the edge of the table. "Isn't he like, drunk all the time?" ~

"Yeah, kinda. But he's not really a mean person. Honest." For the most part. ~

"Ahh. Cool." Now I'm picturing Peeta running alongside his dad every day. Cute. "Were you always this adorable?" I whine. ~

"No," I laugh. "I was a chubby kid." Very chubby. I place some ingredients on the table. "Mix these." ~

I do as he says, putting everything into the bowl. "Cute chubby?" I ask, mixing everything together. ~

"Just fat chubby," I say, mixing together some things without measuring, just eyeing it. ~

"Didn't you not have food to eat?" ~

"Yeah, so my body decided to store the fat from everything I was able to eat." I shrug. "Most of it was bread anyway. And bread makes you fat." ~

"I think you'd make a cute chubby kid," I laugh. "I can tell by your face." ~

"There's pictures at home." I add the eggs. "Maybe you'll see sometime." If the Capitol doesn't get me first. ~

"I hope so! Baby pictures!" ~

"We'll see!" I smile, pouring the batter into the pan. "Smell." ~

"Smell?" I sniff the air. "...Good. Can I have some?" ~

"Not yet. The oven is still hot from the muffins, so..." I put it back on. "It has to bake first." I stick the pan in. "Patience." ~

"I want batter," I demand. "Now." ~

"You can lick the bowl." I hand it to him. "Or...the spoon may be easier." ~

I scoop as much batter onto the spoon as possible and head into the living room with it. "Thanks, boyfriend," I say, sticking the spoon into my mouth. _Yay._ ~

"No problem. So..." I sit at the table. "Um... About those girls.." I can't say it hadn't been bothering me. ~

"About those girls?" I laugh. ~

"That...you were talking about with your dad. Are you..." ~

Oh, Peeta. "Am I what?" ~

"Are you gonna go out with them and stuff?" I feel so vulnerable. "I...I mean, I understand that you have to, j...just.." ~

"Even if I do, I'm only yours." ~

"Even if they...expect things of you?" ~

"Of course! I love you." ~

"Even...first and only everything?" ~

"What do you mean? Peeta...?" ~

"I.." What're you saying? "..forget about it." Oh god. ~

"No, say it...please, for me." That should work. ~

"No...i..it's stupid." ~

I didn't want to resort to this, but... "Tell me or you're out the door." ~

"You'd...you'd do that?" I'm just weird and possessive. ~

"Tell me, Peeta, while you still have the chance." ~

"But..." I can't believe he'd do that to me. He loves me. ~

I give him a serious look. "Peeta. Say it." ~

"It's stupid...let it go." I look away from him. ~

"Please just tell me what you meant..." ~

"No, I just feel foolish and selfish about it now," I lay my head on the table. ~

"Don't..." I pout. "I wasn't really going to kick you out, but...please tell. I promise it's not selfish." ~

"I..." I shake my head. "No. It's not worth it." ~

"Even first and only everything what?" ~

"I'm sorry that I still have childish views of love!" I bury my head in my arms. "I always wanted to have my first of everything with someone who would have it as their firsts, too...and only. _E..everything._ But it's unrealistic." I say muffled by my sleeves. ~

"But...if that's what you're worried about, don't be." He's so sweet. "You'll be my first and only." ~

"Not..not if I want to live. Even little things..kisses...anything, everything...big things...I go crazy, Cato." ~

"But I'm not going to kiss them. Actually, at this point in time, I'm not even going on any dates. I _lied_ to him, Peeta. I'm not gonna go out and try to pick up a couple hot girls and do it in an alley. I'm devoted only to _you_." All of the admirers come with becoming a victor. It's natural that people would be after me, considering I _just won_ the most recent Games and killed nearly half of the tributes in the arena single-handedly. Around here, killing as many tributes as I did is a thing that people really like. Not to mention the fact that people saw how physical I like to get, so that didn't exactly help me out. So I can't really fend them off; there are just too many. "Peeta, I know you think _things_...that maybe I would eventually get bored with you and find someone else, or that I would get over you as soon as possible, because you don't trust the world we live in. You've been wronged your entire life. And I know you can't really help it, but you seem a bit jealous there. I only have eyes for you, okay?" ~

"...Promise?" I come up and wrap my arms around him from behind. ~

"Would there ever be anyone else like you?" I ask. "Of course I promise." ~

"Good." I pout a bit. "I want this all to myself. Every bit of you." ~

"Is it safe to assume you're all mine?" What kind of question am I even asking? He even said himself that people still hate him back in District Twelve, but I just need confirmation. ~

"Completely...Now and always." I sigh. "You'll never have anything to worry about." ~

"Good." I put my arm around him. "So when will that cake be done? I want some breakfast." ~

"...it's only been fifteen minutes." I laugh. "Twice of what's past to go." ~

Thirty minutes left? I sink in my chair and groan. "But I'm _so hungry_." ~

"You'll have to wait. If you can think of something to satiate yourself and pass the time, go ahead. But cake must wait." ~

"Nothing will _ever_ satisfy me while I'm hungry and waiting for cake." He looks up at me and smiles, begging for more. "Not even you." I grin and look out to the kitchen. "Warm batter smells good right about now..." ~

I sigh frustratedly. "No. No warm batter." ~

"Semi-warm batter?" I ask in a polite manner. "I had one taste and I can't get away from it...just like you?" Sucking up will definitely get me more cake batter to eat. ~

"Pleading and compliments will get you nowhere." I laugh. "You'll be fine." After all his pleading, it's only 20 minutes until the cake was to be ready anyway. "Besides, you have to wait until the cake is done, then I have to frost and decorate it. So _relax_." ~

"But why frost it if I'm going to eat it in like...half a second?" Now that I'm finally able to eat without feeling guilty, I am _starving_. "I can just take a spoonful of icing and stick it in my mouth." ~

"You can have some icing now." I stand and go grab the bowl and a spoon. I put some on the spoon and bring it over to him. "This is it. Make it last." ~

"I meant when the cake was ready!" But I was already eyeing the spoon. I don't take it, but I lean forward and engulf the entire spoon while he's still holding it. It tastes good because Peeta told me how to do it. I slowly lick the spoon clean, with him still holding it, and lick my lips when I finish. "Too sexual for you?" ~

"Definitely not." I let out a breath I've been holding in. "Damn spoon..." I mutter, looking at the spoon with a bit of mock jealousy before looking up to Cato's smirking face. "You're a real tease, you know that?" ~

"You're just angry because the spoon got more action from me than you'll ever get, Lover Boy." I laugh. "You might want to take notes. Mr. Spoon here knows what he's doing." ~

"Ever? Oh, I see how it is." I stick my tongue out at him and turn away. "I only ever do nice things for you." I pout. "Maybe I'll just go sit and watch the cake bake." ~

"Really?" I grab his wrist and take the spoon out of his hand. "And you're going to leave me alone with the spoon?" Smirking, I lick the spoon all over, even though I'm pretty sure I'd gotten every last bit of frosting off. ~

"Yes, really-you said it yourself, the spoon's gotten more from you than I ever will. So I might as well give up now." I sigh, forlorn. ~

"Well maybe if _you_ were covered in frosting..." I wink seductively at him and lick the spoon again, not taking my eyes off him. ~

I raise my eyebrows slightly. "So you only want me if I'm covered in chocolate?" I smile at him charmingly. ~

"Chocolate covered Peeta...hmm..." I put the spoon down on the table and lie back on the couch. "I like my Peeta the way he is." ~

"Then why is the spoon getting preferential treatment, huh?" I lay next to him, resting my head on his chest and running my hands up and down the side of his body, across the pocket areas on the front of his pants. ~

"Because it talks less..." I look at him and burst out into laughter. ~

"Hmph. Fine then. I won't talk." I sit up, making sure my hand goes across and lingers for a moment on the front and center of his pants before standing and going over to the kitchen table and sitting, looking into the oven at the nearly finished cake. ~

"_Peeta!_" I call out to him. "I didn't mean that...I...I want cake too! Can you carry me into the kitchen?" ~

I keep my mouth shut and simply shake my head, smiling to myself. My turn to be a bit stubborn and teasing. I rarely get this chance. ~

"Love is about making sacrifices, and doing things for each other..." I whine, "so sacrifice a moment of your time and _do this for me_!" ~

_I do loads for you._ I think to myself. _Stop being a lazy bum._ I laugh quietly to myself. I walk over to the door of the kitchen and poke my head out and make a zipping hand motion on my lips and shake my head at him with a wink. ~

"Come _on_! I killed ten tributes for you, and you can't even do this one little favor for me." I roll off the couch and onto the floor. "If you don't care, then just leave me here." ~

I sigh, walking over to him. _Well, you get what you ask for._ I grab him by the waist and pick him up, fireman style, over my shoulder. ~

"Ah! Oh god." In about two seconds, I'm off the ground and being carried across the floor into the kitchen. "I was joking, Peeta..." ~

I smile and use my free arm to smack his ass before sitting him down on a chair, glancing over at the oven. 5 minutes left. ~

"I was taken from the floor and violated against my will..." I fake cry. "I will never forgive you for this." ~

I give him a look that said something along the lines of "Seriously?". I roll my eyes and begin looking around for an oven mitt. ~

I impatiently tap my feet, waiting for my food to be ready. "The boxed mix doesn't take this long." ~

I shoot him a look of death before pulling out an oven mitt and opening the oven. I pull the pan out, taking in the smell. I place it on the top of the stove and get a larger plate to put the warm circle on before sticking it into the fridge to cool before I frost it. I gather a few of the berries I had earlier and some cream and sugar from the fridge and pantry. After searching for a moment for a whisk, I put the both of them into a bowl with a splash of vanilla and began whipping it intensely. I didn't even look to see if there was canned whipped cream. I didn't want to know. After about ten minutes, it's thick and whipped properly, and I take the plate with the actual cake on it and put it on a counter. I smoothly frost it with the chocolate frosting Cato had made, before putting the freshly whipped cream on top in intricate swirls, placing the berries at the bases of the wisps of cream and at the bottom of the cake. Lastly, I make sure to pour the last of the warm chocolate Cato had used for the frosting on top of the cake, along with a few chunks of chocolate on top for garnish. I turn back to look at him. "Ready?" I finally speak, proud of the cake I'd basically pulled out of my ass. ~

"Yes, please. Before I die of starvation." He picks up the cake and brings it over to the table and lays it down in front of me. "Oh my god..." I could devour that cake in five minutes if I wanted to. Every little crumb. "Can I...Can I eat it now?" I look up. ~

I laugh at him, before pulling a fork from behind my back and handing it to him. "Go ahead. You've waited long enough." ~

He's barely even able to finish his sentence before I take the fork from his hand and dig it into the delicious-looking cake in front of me. The first bite that goes into my mouth is probably the best sweet I've ever eaten in my life. "This is so good!" I say, with cake crumbs falling out of my mouth as I do so. After about ten bites, I look up at Peeta. He's still watching me with a smile on his face. I take a considerably large chunk out of the cake with my fork and hold it to his mouth. "Have some." ~

I bite into it, laughing slightly at the look on his face and the amount of chocolate frosting that didn't quite make it into his mouth. "Better than the boxed cake?" I break out into laughter. ~

"Anything you make is superior to boxed cake!" I scoop up another piece onto my fork and let Peeta have another bite. "This is better than the batter from before!" ~

"I told you to wait until it was finished baking. Was it worth the wait?" ~

"I hate waiting for things...but yeah. Anything concerning you is worth the wait." I eat more. "Your food is worth the wait. You are." Before I realize how carried away I'd gotten, the cake was already about a third of the way done. "You can have some more, you know. Before I finish it off." ~

"I know I _can_, but you're also thoroughly enjoying it. And I've lived with this as a norm for my entire life." I smile. "Go ahead, eat." ~

"But...you didn't eat any yet. Come _on_. I'm pressuring you to eat this cake right now!" I hand him the fork. ~

I use the side of the fork to cut off a piece of the cake. "Fine, fine! I'll eat the cake." I laugh. "You really are crazy. Maybe I shouldn't have given you sugar. I might have discovered your fatal flaw. That could be problematic, dating a baker." ~

"No, no!" I beg. "There is _no_ problem with dating a sexy baker. The sugar is good! The cake is _good_." The cake is actually taunting me at this moment, so I pick a piece off with my fingers and eat it quickly. ~

"I mean that you're obsessed, and probably don't take sugar well. That it makes you extraordinarily hyper. More than a normal person. Once again, problematic." I laugh at him. ~

"There's nothing wrong with me!" I sink down my chair and cross my arms. "I've just never had cake as good as this before." ~

"Well, thank you." I take his hand in mine. "I'm glad you like it." ~

"It's not nearly as sweet as you." I try to smile like he does, but it just doesn't work on my face, so I end up laughing at my comment anyway. "It's damn good cake." ~

"You may want to save some for later. You could make yourself really sick, and you'll probably want more tonight, seeing as we're in here all day." With that comment alone, my mind is pushed back to the reality at hand. ~

"I guess so..." I reluctantly push the plate to the center of the table. "Yeah, about that...do you think they'll look here?" ~

"I..don't know." I thought about it for a minute. Sure, it had crossed my mind. But I hadn't thought of it since they'd now gained the suspicion that I was alive. "..Probably. The only reason they wouldn't would be that they assumed that I couldn't make it this far on my own." I say. "But if they think I could...this'll probably be the first place they look. They'll probably send local Peacekeepers, since you guys practically _manufacture_ them." I manage a smile. "But they will probably look here for me...I'm almost sure of it." ~

"Yeah..." If they had any reason to look here, they probably would've been here by now. They must really trust my dad to do his job. I'd imagine they asked him if he saw any suspicious activity around here, and of course we hid it well enough, so he must've said no. If I'm not mistaken, they know him very well, and therefore know that he would give up Peeta's location, even if it'd hurt me too. "If they do look here...we'll just have to hide you somewhere." I take a napkin and wipe excess chocolate off my face. "I'll keep you safe." ~

"They'll rip the house apart, Cato. No matter where I hide here, they'll find me. This house was the Capitol's design." ~

"Then I...I'll have to watch carefully, wouldn't I? And I can get you out of the house somewhere." The Capitol knows every little door, every room, everywhere to hide in this place. "I'll fight them for you." ~

"You don't have to plan that far ahead love...you make it sound as if you're sure they'll come here." I sigh, before having all of this hit me at once. What I've done. Been a part of. Messing with. "I'm...I'm scared, Cato." ~

"I don't blame you for being scared. It's not your fault that you didn't die...you didn't purposely defy the Capitol. Maybe they'll see that..." I'm almost sure that they'd be here eventually, because I can't hide it from someone who lives here for the rest of my life. It's just a matter of when. ~

I almost laugh at his words. "Cato...in District Twelve, we're lucky. Our Peacekeepers aren't strict at all. They _support_ the illegal activities that go on, like hunting and crossing borders. But even there, messing with the Capitol is defiance. Whether you mean it or not. And they have to write you up. _Write you up._ Means nothing. But if that's what happens in a District where you can basically leave whenever you like and nothing gets done, what's going to happen to someone like me in a District where _conspiring_ to leave brings you torture, followed by public execution in the Square?" I say, shaken. "I beat their Games, Cato. Whether I meant it or not, there's no way they'll let me live." ~

"You shouldn't need their permission to live, Peeta," I say. "I'll kill anyone who tries to take you away. That way, they can't execute you." ~

"They're trained to kill people like me. Those in hiding. Running. You can't risk yourself if you realize it's hopeless for me." I say, looking him in the eyes. "If you fight them and win, and I'm not far enough away, you run after me. If you fight them and lose, they'll kill us both. Have us both. You _can't_ risk yourself like that." ~

"Yes I can!" I stand up angrily. "Peeta, you said dead, not apart. If they kill us both, what would be so bad about that? We'd be together, like you said! We _just _discussed this!" ~

He's right. And I know he is. "I know we talked about this already, but I just...I'm just afraid to see you die," I whisper. "You're like..this rock, to me. Infallible, strong, powerful, confident...If you fall, I..I don't know what I'd do." ~

"I saw _you_ die. For what I thought was for real. You would see me die once, but I would see you die _again_." I push the chair in and begin walking out of the kitchen and up to my room. "But at least we'd be together that time. Just forget it, Peeta. I'm not discussing this for the second, third time. You know my stance on this. Forget it. Wrap up the cake." I reach the door to my bedroom, go in, and slam it shut. ~

A/N: Uh-oh spaghettios. Review, and I'll spam you with some chapters over today. ;D xx


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: This chapter starts in Peeta's POV! Here goes! We're so close I CAN TASTE IT.

"That's..all I want." I whisper as I hear the door shut. I go grab some foil and pull it over the cake before going and sitting on the stairs. I don't want to go up there. Not yet. I sit there for a few minutes before I hear a knock on the front door. ~

After lying in bed for a few minutes, I hear a noise coming from downstairs. A noise that sounds like knocking on a door. Fearing the worst, I run over to my bedroom door and open it quietly. "Peeta?" I whisper down the stairs. "Peeta, upstairs!" ~

Suddenly, I hear Cato's voice. "If I go up the stairs, people will be able to see me through the front window." I whisper back. I'm frozen in my spot, guarded by a plant by the base of the stairs. It'd never shield me in person, but to the people outside, there was nothing but a plant. ~

Shit. I sprint down the stairs and over to the door. As I put my hand on the knob, I turn to Peeta. "What do we do?" ~

"Distract them. Talk to them through a crack in the door. And I'll run up. As soon as you hear your door close, open the front one completely." ~

"Oh...kay." I twist the knob and open the door just a tiny bit, but I jam my foot up against the door so that they couldn't push their way in. "Who is it?" ~

"Capitol News!" A high pitched woman's voice exclaims. ~

"What?" I ask. ~

"We're here for an interview! We've met before, Cato! I did your first interview after you came home from the Games!" ~

"Oh...right." I barely remember anything after the Games, let alone some frivolous Capitol interviewer. "What's the interview for?" ~

As Cato speaks to her, I quickly make my way up the stairs and close the door quietly behind me, making sure nothing was altered from the moment before.

"Have you been living under a rock?" She says. "Peeta Mellark!" ~

"From Twelve?" I pretend to be indifferent. If I get too excited, or too nervous, I might let slip that I know something...and that won't be good for anyone. I open the door and let the woman into my home. "What about him? He's _dead_, isn't he?" ~

She walks in, followed by a small army of cameramen, makeup artists and other technical workers. About 10 people in total. She leans in close towards Cato and whispers, "That's not what everyone's saying! And I'm here to see what you think! After all, you two did have quite the _thing_ during the Games." She winks at Cato. "And the Capitol _loved it_." ~

"Did they now?" Of course they did. I knew that already. "What is there to think anyway? I was with him...I saw him die. I made it out. It's impossible for him to be alive. Anyone who thinks they saw him must be mistaken..." I start to cry a bit for effect. ~

"Someone get the boy some tissues!" She shouts to her crew, and a random young girl walks up to Cato with the box filled with tissues of an odd pink color. "Now, since we know you know what's going on in the nation.. What if, by chance, they did find him alive? What would you think of that? What would you do?" ~

"I..." How do I even answer questions like that on camera? "They wouldn't...but if, in a hypothetical situation, they did, I wouldn't know what to think, to be quite honest..." I recall yesterday, when Peeta magically showed up in my life again. "I would probably think I'd gone insane." ~

The woman makes a point to give Cato a sympathetic face. "I can understand that. So it's safe to say that you miss Mr. Mellark very much, Cato?" ~

"I think I always will, but I knew it had to happen." Especially since he swore that if we both made it to the end, he'd kill himself for me. "Every day of my life will be spent missing him." Hell, I kinda miss him now and he's only upstairs. ~

"How touching," she says into one of the cameras. "Now, let's say-hypothetically-he is out there, watching this. What do you want to say to him?" She nods for Cato to look directly into the camera. ~

I look to the camera and frown, remembering the talk with my dad earlier. "Don't follow me. You can't keep defying the Capitol." I look back at the woman. "If, hypothetically, he was out there...there's no hope for him." ~

She gives Cato a sad look and pats him on the back. "Very right you are. Have you heard what's been happening in Twelve?" ~

Something's been happening in Twelve? If Peeta hasn't told me yet, does _he _evenknow? "No, I haven't..." I'm thoroughly confused and anxious now. ~

"Oh!" She squeals. "They're doing searches of the District. Just to see if anyone saw him. But a lot of people are trying to gain rewards from other districts by giving false claims! Quite interesting. But now they're not taking claims anymore, they're setting Peacekeepers out to homes in all of the Districts." She sighs. "I didn't know they were that serious about it. You can't tell until you've lived it." ~

"They're really doing that?" I may look concerned, but it doesn't really matter since one _lives_ here. "That's really serious...but I think efforts are being wasted, to be honest. He's not alive, that's ridiculous..." I look down and hide my face. "Whoever took him needs to be punished, though." ~

"I understand your feelings, Cato." She wraps her arm around him. "Now, on a less serious note-we haven't heard from you since the Games!" She smiles. "What's been new? Any _new_ love interests for you?" She winks into the camera. ~

I almost say no, but after yesterday, someone might've seen us. And if that's the case, they'd know I'm lying. And my dad told me to move on, so...here ya go, you bastard. "I don't know...maybe." I half-smile. "It might be too soon, but..." ~

"Oh, come on! You can give us more details than that!" ~

"No...it's not really anything..." Any wrong answer, and they'll be wanting to meet him. "It's just me hoping I can find someone." ~

"Well, you never really do know where you'll find someone! After all, your Victory Tour is coming up in about a month, isn't it?" ~

"Yeah, I can't wait..." I still have yet to figure out what to do with Peeta once I leave for the Victory Tour. So really, I can wait. "But I think I'll stay single for a while. Don't wanna break any more hearts out there." I wink to the camera. ~

That's what the audiences want to see. So that's where she ends it. "Well, thanks again for letting us talk Cato!" She stands and hands him a small piece of paper. "Here's my card." She winks again. "We'll be in touch, I'm sure." She holds her hand out to him. ~

"Um...no problem?" I take her card and crumble it up when she turns away. "Any time. Goodbye." I wave to them as they rush out of my house. ~

I poke my head out of the door after waiting a few seconds and hearing their car pull away, and can't stop myself from laughing as soon as I make eye contact with Cato. ~

"And what's so funny to you up there?" I ask. ~

"Women hitting on you." I laugh. "I mean, after knowing you make out with guys-" I step out of the door and lean on the banister. "-It's just funny to me." ~

"I get it a lot." I wait for his jealousy to overcome his face. "The ladies can't take their eyes off me." ~

My eyes leave his. "Yeah, I bet." I say sternly. It's like he's trying to make me jealous. Because it wasn't that hard to do. And it was working. ~

"I might just run off with her or some other Capitol girl," I laugh. ~

My breath hitch in my throat. Yes, somewhere deep in me, I probably know he's joking. But my immediate reaction is hurt. I sit there on the ground at the top of the stairs, my head leaning against the banister and eyes focused on some distant portion of the wall behind Cato, by the door where the group just left. ~

"Are you okay?" I start walking up the stairs. "I was just teasing. I already told you I only want you." ~

"Yeah," I whisper. I'm a terrible liar. ~

"I didn't mean it." I sit down next to him and put my arm around him, but he pulls away. "Come on, Peeta. I had to play along with it." ~

"I understand," I mutter. "Don't worry about it." ~

"But...you're worrying about it. I told you, I won't go off with one of them." ~

"I know. I'm not worried," I lie. ~

"I can see right through you." I stand up and walk over into my room. "Let me know when you're ready to talk." And I shut my door. ~

I don't turn to watch him go. In fact, I sit there outside his room for about three hours. The clock said so. And I think. Why I feel this way so easily, over such silly things. I cry maybe twice. And I realize it's partially because I think so lowly of myself and so highly of Cato, that I don't realize why he's with me. Maybe it's because of my youth and the people who made it hell. But I don't understand. ~

I sit on my bed in silence for a while, but after about an hour, I lie down. There were countless minutes of tapping my feet on my bed and humming. Peeta has yet to come in and it's already midday. I didn't think he would feel so low about it, after telling him how I felt about him. "Peeta? Are you still out there?" I call towards the door. "Please come in. I'm bored out of my mind!" ~

"I'm here," I say, broken. I stand and open his door only slightly. "Why?" I ask simply. "Why me? You said it. You had your choice of _anyone_. Why me?" I have to know. Understand. ~

I sit up when he shows up at my door. "Why you?" Is he really doubting us? "Because you know that there's more to me than what people see. That you care enough to be with me. I told you all this in the arena." I reach over to my nightstand and pick up the broken picture of me after the Games, where I was still shaken and upset. "That wasn't just a spur of the moment thing." ~

"...I'm sorry." I say, looking at my feet. "I am." I close the door behind me and lean against it. "I've been stressed, and...I don't know how to get it out of my system. So I take it out on us." ~

"At least you don't take it out on me, like I do to you." I pat the spot next to me on the bed. "Come sit." ~

"You don't..." I don't make eye contact as I approach the bed and sit next to him. "You don't take anything out on me." ~

"Yes I do. Remember yesterday?" I hug him and kiss the top of his head. "And I'm sorry about before. I wasn't thinking when I teased you." ~

"It's okay... I take things too seriously." I lean into him. "No_ stupid_ Capitol girl is going to take you away from me." I pout. ~

"I know you do. And no Capitol _anyone_ will take me away." I sigh. "Since we got talking about it... why me?" ~

I almost laughed. "That's a silly question." I say, holding onto him. "I always admired you...I had to think there was something more. More than a volunteer. You were strong, intuitive, clever, funny...and when I got to know you more, kind, thoughtful, passionate, caring... Need I go on?" ~

"...Yes." I laugh. "And don't describe yourself this time." ~

"I was talking about you!" I grumble. "Take the compliments." ~

I push him playfully. "I am taking them! I was kidding...and all you ever do is compliment me. Even _I _don't compliment myself that much. You need to stop putting me up on a pedestal." After all, that's partially the reason why he thinks so low of himself...always comparing himself to me. ~

"I didn't put you on the pedestal...you were already there. I was just pointing it out." I smile at him. "So what's the plan for the rest of the day?" ~

"There isn't much to do around here." I'm still not happy with him for comparing himself to me, but I let it slide for now. "What would you usually do when you're not in the bakery?" ~

"School?" I laugh. "In Twelve, you go to school until you're 18, then you go work down in the mines. That's how it is, at least for the kids in the Seam. I had an opt out from the mines with the bakery, but other than that there isn't much recreation. I'd go to school in the morning, work at night, and sleep. Sometimes I meddled with painting on days off, but usually they were spent doing errands for my dad." ~

"Oh...around here, school only goes until you compete in the Hunger Games. Either way, I would've been done this year since next year I'd already be too old for the Reaping." I pause. "You like to paint?" ~

"Not _particularly_, I just...it's like frosting cakes. But we never had enough money for actual paints or canvas or even paper to waste. So I'd make designs out of the old frosting and dyes at the end of the week. I got real paint once, on my birthday like, two years ago, and used them on the stone walls of the cellar in the bakery. It was cool..." I sat back a bit, remembering the colors that'd brightened up that horrid, dark room. "My dad always wished we had more money so I could get into it. He said I was pretty good. But I think that was just because I was his son and I enjoyed it, and my brothers were less creative and more physical." ~

I walk over to the desk that was by the window and opened the drawer. "Show me." I take out a relatively small pad of canvas paper and a set of watercolors. "These were here in the house already, just like that piano downstairs." I give him the items and smile. ~

"I haven't painted anything in like, a year though." I laugh, embarrassed. "That was probably the last time I had free time, really." I look at the paper and paints in my hands. "Fine. But you can't look while I'm working, and I'm not going to show you if I think it's terrible. Fair?" ~

"It won't be terrible! Did you_ see_ that cake you made?" Now, I suddenly want more of it. "But I won't look." ~

I see the look in his eyes. "Go get cake..you can see when you get back." I smile. ~

"But I just had about a third of a cake only a few hours ago...and that was _not_ a small cake." I laugh, but turn towards the door. "Besides, I have to leave some for my mom. She'll never believe that it was better than the box." ~

I laugh and simultaneously shoot him a dirty look. "Then watch tv here and keep me company." ~

"No, no, no." I pick up the remote control and press the power button and wait for the screen to light up. "You insisted on me getting cake...so I feel obligated to listen to you." The chocolate dessert that still lays on the kitchen table is practically calling my name. "I'll just cut some of it off...and bring it back up here." I rush over to the door before he could stop me. "See ya soon!" I wave and close the door behind me. ~

"Hurry back!" I call after him before taking the paints and sitting myself on the ground. _Now...what to paint?_ Well, duh. I know whatI _want_ to paint. But it just depends on reaction. ~

Just for that, I decide to take my sweet ass time going down to the kitchen for food. Thinking that he might be hungry too, I cut a considerably large slice of cake and put it onto a plate. I get the milk out of the fridge and pour it into a large glass, filling it nearly to the top, and stick two straws in it. With the plate and cup in my hands, I stop by the kitchen sink and take a fork out of the drainboard. "Coming!" ~

As he went down, I had started my base and first coat. "Get back here!" I sigh and yell. I already hate it, but I'd finish. Just to see how it comes out. ~

"I'm _coming!_" I yell as I open the door. "I came." I set the plate onto the edge of the bed and put the milk on the nightstand, waiting for him to look at me. "Peeeeeeeeta." ~

"Whaaaat?" I say, looking up from my paper. "I'm working." I glance up, then back down at my paper. Up, then down. "Hm." ~

"Peeta...I brought you some cake." I show him my giant chunk of chocolate cake. "And a drink." I reach for the glass of milk and, using my hands, I put emphasis on the fact that there's only one cup but two straws. ~

I laugh. "Thank you, love." I look over to the cake and smile. "I'd hope that wasn't all for you. You did want to save it." I stick my tongue out at him. I look back to my work in progress. ~

"There's still some left." I stick the fork into the side of the cake and hold it up to Peeta's mouth. "First bite?" ~

I smile and take the cake into my mouth. "Thank you." I say muffledly, holding the painting against me so he can't see it yet. "Don't look!" I laugh. ~

"I'm not!" I say, stuffing my face with cake and taking a sip of milk through one of the straws. "Is it almost done? Is it any good? Well, of course it's good because you're the artist, but what's it look like?" ~

"Well, they say you always hate your own creations." I laughed. "You'll see when it's done." ~

"How close are you to being done?" I'm starting to think that maybe he was right about the sugar. ~

"Relax." I look over to him. "Remember when we didn't rush the cake? Go watch tv." ~

I sigh and look up at the television screen. "But nothing's happening. It's just a countdown to the Victory Tour." I try to peek at his art, but he pulls it away again. "Sorry! A little impatient here." ~

"Maybe if I have to stop hiding it from you, I'll have more time to finish it." I continue painting, trying to make conversation that would distract him. "What're you going to do about the Victory Tour anyway?" ~

"I hadn't really given it thought...I was a bit preoccupied with you." I laugh. "I...there's no possible way you could come, right? Nowhere to hide." ~

"Not that I could think of..there could be a way, but I don't know it yet...Especially not now." ~

"Well, I hope we can think of one. I can't be away from you and I don't think it's safe for you to be here alone..." ~

"I don't think so, either.. It'd probably be safer going, you know?" I laugh nervously.

"You're probably right." I laugh with him. "Though there's still no way to hide you. Unless you can fit in a suitcase." ~

"I'm probably short enough." ~

"I could probably smuggle you in under my shirt." I laugh again and look at him. "I know you'd enjoy that." ~

"I would." I glance up at him once more and continue with the little brush. "But I don't think the Capitol would buy it." ~

"I'll just...tell them I put on a bit of weight." I take another bite out of my lunch. "I 'eat my feelings'." ~

"At the very least in cake." I laugh. "Cake for lunch..." I look at the clock. "And snack, nicely done!" I laugh, stealing a bite of cake from him. ~

"You took that right off my fork..." I look at him, my mouth gaping. Probably with chocolate all around it. "That was the most delicious bite of cake I have ever laid my eyes on. And you _ate it_." ~

"You can kiss me to get it back." I smirk. ~

"Hmm..." I consider it for a moment. "It wasn't that tasty looking." I look back at my plate and take another bite of cake. ~

I tuck back into myself with the paint and paper. "You're a jerk." I pout. ~

When I finish the plate, I put it to the side and look back up at Peeta, who's concentrated on the painting again. I decide to catch him off guard by leaning forward and giving him a quick kiss on the lips. "You were tasty looking though." I grin. ~

I look quickly up at him. "Aren't you clever?" I smile, adding a last few touches to the painting. ~

"I guess so. You've only told me that about a hundred times." It's true that he's said that about me a lot, but in reality, I'm not too bright. "So...are you done yet?" ~

"Just one second..." I take some black and added a last bit of shadow. "Now, I'm done." ~

A/N: I'm sorry these chapters are so unnatural this wasn't written as a chapter story BUT I'M SO GLAD YOU ALL STILL LOVE IT AND REVIEW BECAUSE YOU'RE ALL WONDERFUL. xx


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Closer and closer…This starts in Cato's POV.

"Show me!" I yelled. ~

"Okay, jeez." I turn the paper around. It's a painting of him the previous night, after he'd fallen asleep after me, and I woke up because I was worried he'd have nightmares. There was something so perfect about his content smile and the small bits of moonlight that had made it into the room onto his face that I had to get down on paper. Not like I'd ever forget the image. There was the red from the blanket on his bed. His hair was only ruffled a bit, but it worked for him. I loved the image in my head, but I believe that anything I could do could never give him justice. ~

"Is that me?" I stupidly ask. It was so very clear, because the picture is perfect. Not because I like staring at myself or anything, but he's really that good. "How dare you call yourself a terrible artist!" I stare at the painting a little bit longer and take in every detail...which there are many. "Wait, was this from last night?" ~

I nod, somewhat embarrassed. "..Yeah." I blush a little, but only a slight pinkness in my cheeks. ~

"This is so great...god, you bake me a cake and paint a picture for me, and I have nothing to give in return." I put the canvas paper on the ground in a safe spot and hug him. "Peeta, you're so good at everything!" ~

"You've saved my life, Cato." I hug him back. "Drawing pictures is the least I can do. And trust me, I'm _definitely _not good at everything. Like luck. I have terrible luck, as we've both experienced." ~

"That's not really something you can help...besides, I think it was the best luck in the world that you didn't die. Sure, you're on the run and they're looking for you...but I got you here with me, and I said I will _never_ let anything bad happen to you." ~

"That isn't good luck, that's just stupid luck." I laugh. "But sure, it was luck. Either way, you've done so much for me. Even letting me stay here...I couldn't think of a better, safer place." ~

Yeah, completely safe except for the whole 'Dad is a Peacekeeper' thing. "There wouldn't have been any other way." ~

"No, I suppose not." I take his hands in mine. "We'll figure all of this out, you know...together. Right?" ~

"I don't know how, but yeah, we will." Maybe they'll give up the search after a while. Maybe they'll decide that if the all-superior Capitol hasn't found him after a few months, that he's just gone forever. And people will forget about him. "Together, this time." ~

"It's the only way to do it." I smile. Sure, I'm scared. I have a right to be. But things could be so much worse. Part of me feels as if I'm cursing myself, talking about the great luck we've had so far, but I can't help myself from being thankful. ~

I start thinking of ways that he could come on the Victory Tour with me, but they all end in failure. He can't hide, he will never _not_ look like Peeta, and it's not like I can opt out. I still have a little over a month to think about it, but as of now, it sounds like the best idea is to keep him here. It's only a few weeks. "I remember when we talked about having met in a different time and place. It would've been perfect then, wouldn't it?." ~

"Maybe it would have...But I have you here, and now...And I can't object to that at all, no matter how it happened." ~

"What am I kidding?" I stand up and push him into a lying position on the bed. Then, I crawl on top of him. "It's perfect now." ~

"It is, isn't it?" I blush a bit at our position, per usual. ~

I turn and roll onto my back next to him, possibly making him slightly disappointed. "Now what?" ~

I let out a breath. _What a tease._ "I don't know, what do you want to do?" ~

"I don't know. What do _you_ want to do?" I laugh. ~

_You know that perfectly well._ I think to myself, giving him a look that says just about the same thing. "I don't know either." I say. "We've made cake, sat by ourselves for about three hours, I've painted, there's been more cake, you've been hit on my some chick...pretty eventful non-eventful day, if you ask me." ~

"I know what you're thinking, but I just ate. And it's the middle of the day." I ruffle his hair when he makes a pouty face. "And she was _not_ hitting on me!" ~

"Whatever you say, love." I sigh, rolling my eyes at him. "Whatever you say." I laugh a bit, enough to let him know I'm not actually _mad_ at him, just being a bit stubborn and pouty. ~

"So...did you actually hear that entire interview?" ~

"...Yes...?" ~

"So you know about what was going on in Twelve? And all the Peacekeepers?" ~

"...I did. But didn't you catch on to what else she said?" ~

"It wasn't much else," I sigh, "just the whole Peacekeeper thing to every house is bothering me." I'm not sure if we'd get any here, but if the Capitol knew Peeta well at all, they would know where his destination is. But if they'd actually station one here, would it be my dad? I mean, why not have the most important Peacekeeper be checking in or guarding the house? I'm sure he has other things to handle, but this being a possibility is bothering me. "You're not worried about it?" ~

"I'm extraordinarily worried about it, Cato. I just didn't know if you got that it wasn't just happening in Twelve.." I swallowed nervously. ~

"It's hard to believe, but she said it herself. Every District." ~

"Including Two." ~

"It'll be fine. I promise." ~

"But how? What if they come? I know peacekeepers aren't often in Victor's Village, but this is a special case." ~

Unless one lives here. "I'll protect you, Peeta." ~

"Neither of us know what's going to happen with this... But it means a lot that you're going to be here." ~

"Nope. No one knows. But I like you being here, too." ~

I woke up groggily to the sun in my eyes. I was, like every morning for the past month or so, in his arms. Not that I minded. Cato always slept later than I did, but I was used to it, being a generally early riser. I yawned once and shut my eyes, not to sleep, but to get the sun out of my eyes. "...Cato?" I whispered. He had to be up today. Neither of us had wanted it to come, but like clockwork, it did. ~

I partially wake up to a voice saying my name. "No, Mom, let me sleep." ~

I laugh a little. "It's not your mom, Cato. It's Peeta. You've got to get up." ~

"No, I don't want to ever get up." I know what day it is. And the more time I waste in bed, the less I will have to worry about it. "Can I go back to sleep?" ~

"But I have to get out of here before the cameras and Capitol people show up in an hour or so... I just wanted to have some time for a goodbye." ~

"Where are you going?" ~

"Just away from the house...Until they've all cleared away. Then I'll come back. I just can't risk it, with the cameras..." ~

"But I won't be out there with you." I sit up in the bed and pull him into a tight hug. "Don't get yourself killed while I'm on the Victory Tour, alright?" ~

"I...I promise I won't." I hug him back, talking into his shoulder. "You better come back for me." ~

"Well, I was planning on staying around in District Eight for a while..." I pull away and laugh. "Of course I'm coming back for you! That is, if you stick around and wait for me." ~

"You'd better!" I give him a stubborn look. "I have no where else to go, after all." I wink. "You know I'll be here." ~

"I _know_." Looking at him makes my smile disappear. "Are you sure you can't try the suitcase thing? I'm almost positive you could fit." ~

I sigh, giving him a sad smile. "I don't think so, love." ~

"I'll miss hearing that." I admit to him. "I feel good every time you call me that." ~

"I understand..." I stand and dig into my-my being his-jacket's pocket and pull out a little slip of paper. "This is a note I wrote for you. You can't look at it until you're far off and gone, though, okay?" ~

"If you tell me I can't read something, I'll just want to read it more." I shake my head and take the slip of paper. "But for you, I'll hold off." ~

"Promise?" ~

I stuff it into my pocket and put my hand on his shoulder. "Do I ever break promises to you?" ~

"Not that I know of." I wink. "Of course not, love. Put it away!" I yell at him, laughing. ~

"It's good! It's good. It's gone now." I pull my hand out of my pocket. "I wish I had something to give you." After thinking for a moment, I come up with a solution. "I can give you secret messages on TV, if you want." ~

"How?" I say, glancing over at the set. ~

"Well...if I say something sweet, sexual, or charming, just remember I'm saying it to you." I wink. "Especially the sexy." ~

"Anything at all?" I laugh slightly. "I'll watch every day-probably with your mother." ~

"Anything." I pause. "I don't want to go." ~

"...I don't want you to go either..." I look to him, taking his hand. Then, I remember something. "Don't forget...You're starting in Twelve. You can't break down, okay?" I warn him. "You can cry...play the part, but always remember I'm right here with you." I squeeze his hand and put my other on his shoulder reassuringly. "Besides, you're going to have to meet my parents." I laugh a little. "So make a good impression." ~

"I'll try, but after you being by my side for a month, I might forget that you're still here." It would be easier for me if I _wasn't_ starting in Twelve, because the more I spend apart from him, the more emotional I could act. But I'll just have to try a bit harder to make it real. "I wouldn't make anything _but_ a good impression. Your parents would love me." ~

"Well, except with my mother. She _hates_ everyone, I'm pretty sure." I laugh. "Including me, sometimes." I see him give me a nervous look. "Relax...you'll do fine, I'm sure." ~

"No, no, I'll do fine..." If she hates her own son, there isn't a doubt in my mind that she'll detest me. "I'll be fine." I lean in and kiss him. "See? Fine." ~

"Of course, love." I kiss him back once before looking up at a clock on the wall. "I have to start going soon..." ~

"No," I groan, "I don't want you to leave me. And I don't want to leave here. Can't I just...fake a stomach ache?" ~

"They'll take you anyway, Cato." I sigh, standing and holding my hands out to him. "They took a _blind_ victor, once." ~

I take his hands and pull myself up. "Well...I guess we can stay apart for a few weeks. But I'm still not good with you leaving. You can't hide in the closet or anything?" ~

"I could, but what if your stylist or prep team decides they want to look in there? Or the Capitol wants an in depth look at your life-including your closet, which I believe only has a pair of pants and my tribute jacket in it?" I laugh. The rest of his clothes are either scattered or stuffed in drawers. Over the past month or so, I'd noticed he isn't the neatest person. ~

"It'll be empty soon. I need new pants for today and those are my only clean ones." Laughing, I walk over to the closet and open the door. He was right, for the most part, about the contents of it. He forgot to mention underwear and, of course, dust. When I take out the jacket and the pants, I see him give me a questioning look. "They told me months ago that when I visit Twelve on the Victory Tour, that they want me to wear your jacket." ~

"Of course they would...it's the show factor." I shrug at Cato. "I don't get it either, but it's not a terrible thing. At least you'll have some of me with you." ~

"The part of you that's stained with the blood of about seven or eight tributes?" I laugh. "But you're right." ~

"I'll be right here waiting the moment you get back." I smile. "Well, I might be in the closet, in case your entourage decides to come inside." I pause, thinking. "Maybe I'll hide somewhere and surprise you." I laugh. ~

Shaking my head, I say, "I think you've surprised me enough for a lifetime." Him coming back from the dead was a big enough surprise for me. It was a big enough surprise for anyone, really. I check the shirt I'm wearing to see if it's clean enough to wear out today, then I take the jacket off the hanger and slip it on. As I put my arm through one of the sleeves, I hear a crinkling sound in one of the pockets. "Oh, I know what I can give you!" ~

"Huh?" I turn to him after getting distracted by something out the window. "What is it?" ~

Laughing, I stick my hand into my right pocket and pull out something small and wrapped in plastic. "In case you're ever hungry." I toss the pack of crackers I found at him. ~

I look at him in disbelief. "Oh my god!" I laugh. "You still have these things?" ~

"You're the one who stuffed a million of them into your pocket." I take another one out and unwrap the plastic. "And they still taste pretty good." I put one of the crackers in my mouth. "And crunchy." ~

"If they were going to chase me off and try to kill me, I didn't know when I was going to find food again!" I laughed, referring to our old time in the Games. "Don't eat them all, how am I going to have them last me while you're gone?" ~

"You don't need them to last you! If you get hungry, bake another one of those cakes that would remind you of the one you made me. You know, the one with all the chocolate?" I take his mystery note out of my pants pocket and zip it into the left pocket of the jacket. "Now, turn around, I have to change my pants." ~

I groan. "Do I really have to turn?" I turn, sighing. "We've been living together for like, over a month. You're really that reserved?" I laugh a bit. ~

"Like I said," I start unzipping my pants, "I'm a perfect gentleman, so I will _not_ show you the good stuff." With that said, I quickly pull off my pants and change my underwear. "You can look now...maybe we can have sexy times when I get back." ~

My face gets red. "As much as I wanted you back before, I want you back even more now." I laugh. "And since when have you been a perfect gentleman?" I give him a smirk, suddenly hearing a noise outside. "...They're here..." ~

"Shit!" I whisper-yell. "How are you gonna get out?" I rush to get my clean pants on and zip up my jacket. "I need shoes. And socks. Where are they?" ~

I listen closely. "I think they're out front.. I'm going to run out back before they barge in here." I take him by the shoulders. "I'll be safe. I promise. I love you." And I kiss him. Just once.. Then again. Innocently. Like I did the first time we kissed. And I run to the door, turning back quickly. "See you soon, love." And I run out the door and down the stairs, through the living room, waving to Cato's mother as I got out the back door. I'd barely be able watch him go...but the view was better than nothing. ~

A/N: Now there's a bit of a timeskip that'll take up the next chapter. You'll see! Review and continue enjoying! xx


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: This chapter is kinda unproductive…but it synopsizes the Victory Tour period of time for both Cato and Peeta. Cato first.

After lonely weeks on the Victory Tour, I'm finally returning home. It was...interesting, to say the least. I saw the families of the tributes that I rage-killed for Peeta's sake. Some of them, while still very broken (as they should be), seemed sympathetic to me. They knew I was doing it all for Peeta, but a few others would never be as forgiving. Apparently, my relationship with Peeta was either a fling or just for television. And a good number of people in Panem believe that.

Well fuck them.

The people in the Capitol adored me, though. They especially loved how I killed every tribute after Peeta. Killing is what they look forward to in the Hunger Games, right? Not to mention how hard they rooted for me and Peeta to make it to the end. I'm sure they were disappointed when it didn't turn out that way, but they definitely liked my rampage. Anyway, while at the Capitol, I found out that they still aren't sure if he's dead or alive. Initially, they thought someone stole his corpse, then they got reports of him alive, but due to me preventing Peeta from ever leaving my house, the reports died down. They definitely loosened up on the Peacekeepers, but I know there are still a lot out there keeping an eye out for very suspicious activity-especially in District Twelve, which is a key location in his disappearance, along with District Two (although, I can't really tell the difference between the number of Peacekeepers between before and now, since there are always so many).

Speaking of District Twelve, that was not only my first stop on the Victory Tour, but it was also the hardest. It was the first day I spent without Peeta, and it wasn't that I was so attached to him, but with the way my mind has been lately, I forget that he's still here. So, without him by my side, I'd have to constantly remind myself that he's alive. I allowed myself to forget while I was standing in front of thousands of people at the Justice Building in Twelve, as to "play the part," as Peeta put it. As much as I hated crying and regret ever doing it in the first place (Damn it, Peeta!), I had to force at least a few tears to come out to make it seem like I was still upset over his death. I gave my speech somewhat monotonous and apathetic so that I'd seem completely lost, too. I think it worked.

That wasn't exactly the hardest part of visiting Twelve, though. Feelings towards me were mixed. Reasons for people hating me included killing Katniss and actually befriending Peeta and becoming intimate with him. Not everybody hated me. Some adored me just for the pure fact that I won and Peeta didn't. I'd say this might've been the first time that people in an outlying District were genuinely cheering for a Career tribute instead of one of their own tributes. This was when I discovered how serious Peeta was when he said that people hated him. And he was right about people hating him after death, too. They thought he was weak-that's what I heard most of, but there were definitely worse things that I'd managed to hear.

All this time, I thought Districts were supposed to respect their tributes.

I didn't get to meet anyone, but I always found myself looking at Peeta's family during the speech. He was definitely right about his mom; she looked like she detested me-not because I won and Peeta didn't, but because she legitimately hates the fact that we're two guys who were involved with each other. I wish I could've punched her in the face, but that would've been highly unprofessional and kinda illegal. I can't really read the look on his brothers' faces. They could hate me? I don't know. But every time I looked over, I was able to catch his father-who looks almost exactly like Peeta, I might add-sneak in a few smiles to me. Because he knows I'm keeping Peeta safe.

After the whole ordeal in District Twelve was over, and I was on the train, I was still shaken. I couldn't remember if Peeta was still alive or if I'd dreamed up an entire month of my life, so I checked the left pocket of my jacket for the note. It was there, so he was definitely real. Then I remembered that he told me I could read it when I was far off and gone, and this was as far as I was ever going to be, so I took it out and read it to myself when no one was around.

_Dear Cato,_

_I know you must be somewhere far away, because you obviously listened to me, right? Anyway, just a few words of sanity for you to read whenever you freak out on the tour..._

Well, thanks for the words of sanity.

_A: I'm safe back home, teaching your mom how to bake without the box mix or can frosting._

"Well, good luck with that. You've been trying to teach her how to do that for a month." I said aloud to myself.

_B: I love you. I have always loved you. And I always will. No matter what I or you say._

That's good to know, considering how many terrible things I've said to him.

_C: You're going to be back soon. Count the days. I know I am._

One down, too many to go.

_D: The Capitol sucks. _

I laughed. "Oh, you'd regret that if they were reading this."

_I thought that'd make you smile._

He knows me too well and it scares me.

_E: See you soon, love._

_Love,_

_Your obviously NEW boyfriend, Felix_

_P.S. Just in case. 3_

The "see you soon, love" thing we have going is all my fault. What did I start? Regardless, that part makes me the happiest of them all because that's what I last said to him in the arena, and what he sent me in his resurrection package, and what he said to me before I went on the Victory Tour. Therefore, it's our thing and I love it.

From then on, I reread the note every day when I would forget he was okay.

Finally, the day to go back to District Two comes. I'm excited not just to see Peeta, but also to be back in a familiar place. I won't see him at the celebrations, since he obviously can't be outside, but I'd imagine he'll be hiding out in my closet or some similar place. What I'm looking forward to most is seeing him after the celebration, another reminder that I'm not completely insane. ~

I have mixed feelings about today.

Sure, I love Cato. I do, really. More than anything. And I've missed him so much over all of this time. I can't wait for him to be back.

But I don't know what I'll say.

Because he said no more lies.

There were lies.

I knew that he was back today because I saw all of the people getting ready near the town square, and I heard the train coming in. The crowds gathered quickly-in fact, they'd started the night before. After all, it was the victor's home district. Everyone would be out.

I'd have the house to myself today, because _obviously_ Cato's mother was going to be there.

And his father.

But that was besides the point.

I moped around for a little bit in the morning, trying to determine what I'd do or say. Of course, I'd be happy to see him. I wouldn't want all of the anger and distrust that's been building up inside of me for about a month to be the first thing he came home to. That's not the kind of person I am. Though it'd take a lot of self control.

Then, I baked.

I'd been working during the month that he was still here on this elaborate design for a "Welcome Home" cake that his mom agreed to help me with while we waited for him. Once again, it took everything in me to continue on with making the tiered masterpiece. Because that's not the kind of person I am. I am not spiteful. I am not vengeful.

I am not a liar.

I spent the whole morning putting the finishing touches on it and storing it in the fridge that Cato's mother had helped me clear out the night before. We brought everything into the basement fridge and stored the cake in there. I'd add icing touches today. I worked hours on it, letting it numb my mind and block out the yelling and cheering going on outside.

When it came time for Cato himself to actually speak on the tv, I watched. I'd finished the cake by that point, and turned on the television in his room and sat staring out the window. I was probably the only person home in the entire District, by the looks of it. It was on his bed, staring out the window that I remained until late into the night-or early in the morning, I couldn't even tell-when everything died down. I expected him home at any moment, by this point. I sat for a while on the bed, then decided to play a bit of a game.

I ran downstairs and hid myself in the rarely used-yet, not at all dusty because of the constant cleaning service-hall closet that opened beneath the stairs. It was an odd place for a walk-in closet, hence why it wasn't ever really used. But it had lots of nooks and crannies for hiding, which was really my purpose. Then, I waited for the sound of the door to open. ~

A/N: Uh oh! Review with your thoughts and comments! x


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: You all get this chapter tonight because of the-son-of-hutcher on tumblr. GOOD PEOPLE. This chapter is rated A for angst. And pissed off Peeta, which you'll rarely see in this fic. Starts with Cato's POV.

After the incredibly long celebrations ended, I headed home immediately. Of course, my mom decided to hang back to talk to people, as she always does-I'm convinced that's what she spends her days doing, and she probably hasn't been able to in a while because she had to babysit Peeta, so I wouldn't blame her. But I knew I wanted to go back as soon as I could.

I finally reach my door and twist the doorknob. It _would_ be locked. So I end up digging in my pockets for what seems like an hour before I finally find the key. I unlock the door and open it, stepping inside my home for the first time in weeks. And it felt good. "Hello?" ~

I heard him speak when he first came in, which seemed to take longer than what it should have. But I don't say a word. I stay in my little corner of the closet, away from the view of the door. At this point, it's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. ~

Is no one home? That's not possible-Peeta had to be here. I put my left hand into my pocket and feel the note. "Peeta, where are you?" ~

_I'm right here._ I think. _Completely vulnerable. You didn't even tell me before you left. I could have died._ No, stop. Now you're just making yourself angrier than you are. _Worry. Because it could've happened. And it would've been all your fault._ That's not you, Peeta. But the sense of betrayal is making me think these things that I feel, but I only feel them to lesser degrees-though I know I should be much angrier than I am. Especially with my life on the line. ~

I throw my bags to the floor and kick my shoes off. "Hello!" I call up the stairs. No answer. He wouldn't be anywhere but in the house, and he isn't a heavy sleeper, so he had to have heard me. But if he was taken while I was away, or even while the partying was still happening outside... "Peeta...come out! I missed you and all I want is to see your face!" ~

_I'm sure you do. And I want to see yours. _But all of a sudden, all of the positive images I have in my mind of Cato-him laughing, smiling, kissing and hugging me, even just holding me-are tainted. All at once. Because he hid this from me. And he _knew_ what the consequences could have been. And he hid it anyway. I remain silent. ~

Frantically, I run up the stairs and kick my bedroom door open. No Peeta. Not even in my closet, like we suggested. "I'm not in the mood for hide and seek! We've been apart for too long!" I go back downstairs slowly, thinking. Say...he was discovered here. It would've been everywhere. I would've found out somehow. Or they kept it a secret from everyone, as to not reveal that he was alive the entire time. Because that would've shown the Capitol's faults. My breathing grows heavier and heavier with each breath I take. "Peeta? Please be here..." ~

Now you're starting to feel the implications of what could have happened. Now maybe you'll feel a fraction of the fear I have over the past month. I know this is a terrible thing, but it doesn't compare to what he's done. Knowingly. Knowing that he's the only person in the world I trusted completely and fully. Now, I trust no one. ~

I turn in circles on the staircase about five times. "No, this can't be happening." I run back upstairs into my bedroom. "Not again!" I kick my nightstand, knocking down a few things, and look at my bed. My bed that has been made for once, but it's messed up on the side by the window. I lay the back of my hand on the spot and compare it to the rest of the bed. It's warmer. Someone was here. "PEETA!" I scream. "Where are you? Please be here!" I start sobbing over the thought that I'm imagining it and he was never really here. "Please!" ~

When I hear him crying, it's enough. I stand from where I am and quietly open the door to the closet and close it behind me. I look up to the top of the staircase directly above me, right by where the door to Cato's room is. "It _was_ all a dream." I call up. ~

"PEETA!" I look around the room. "What do you mean? Where are you? You're here, right?" I can't tell where the voice is coming from since I'm so dizzy and delirious and I just want to see him. "What?" ~

"Downstairs, Cato," I say flatly. _You earned this scare._ "But it doesn't really matter...This is all just in your head." ~

Smiling just because I heard his voice, I run out the door and look downstairs and see him at the bottom step. "Well, don't just stand there! Give me a hug, a kiss, a something!" I slide down the banister to the first floor and land next to him. "What's in my head? How sexy you look tonight?" Tonight might be the night. ~

"No, Cato." I don't reach out to touch him as much as I want to. I'm too nice. I let myself out to be hurt, used, lied to. No more. "I'm in your head. I was never here." I pause, thinking only for a moment on what I am about to say. "Peeta Mellark died in the 74th Annual Hunger Games." ~

"Peeta, you're right here..." I reach out to hug him, but he steps back. "Why?" I look into his eyes, and that's the moment when I realize I might've been right. Maybe I am insane. He would never do this to me, even as a joke. He was never here...and I'm only figuring this out after the Victory Tour? My eyes start getting watery again as I ask, "You're not real?" ~

I think for a moment about continuing this. Part of me wants to stop it right now, and kiss him. Allow him to finally _be with me_ and _have me._ But the rest wants me to continue this dark charade. "You must be _mad_. The fact that your mind concocted something so _far-fetched_ to make you have me back? How did you even believe it in the first place?" My eyes are cold and empty, because I feel nothing. I do not feel badly about making the love of my life cry. I'm the one that must be mad. ~

"Because...there's only one Peeta." I shake my head and wipe my tear-drenched face with the sleeve of my jacket. "My mind can't create something as perfect as him." But he wouldn't be doing this to me right now. He said he never wanted me to cry because of him. So that's completely out of the question. I shut my eyes tightly, rub them, and open them again, and he's still there in front of me. I collapse to the floor at his feet. "Then what are you...please stop tormenting me..." ~

I shake my head. "It's enough, Cato." I turn my eyes from him. "It's enough. You're not insane." My hands grip tightly into fists. "Peeta Mellark _didn't_ die in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, but he might as well have." I turn away completely. "But he might as well have, considering he spent his luck and newfound life unknowingly living in the same home as the _one man_ completely hell-bent on finding him and _making sure_ he was dead." I walk away from his collapsed figure, putting my hands in my pants pockets and standing in the living room about ten feet away. ~

"What?" I look up at him walking away. "I don't get what you...Peeta?" I roll onto my back and sit up, still shaken. "What are you doing to me?" Then it clicks in my mind. He found out about my dad. ~

"Giving you _a taste_ of the _hell_ I've lived through this past month." I say through my teeth, trying not to yell right out of the box. ~

Not knowing what to feel is confusing as hell. I want to be beyond happy that he's still here, but I'm angry that he's messing with my one insecurity, but I know above all that I can't be either. Because he's pissed. "I...you're okay, though." ~

"Does that even matter?" I don't turn to look at him yet. "That's only because of your mother, who had the _decency _to tell me that he decided to come home for _the month_ so he could watch the recaps of you at night with her-you know, when he came back from work!" I'm shaking with anger at this point. "From being the _Head Peacekeeper_ in the District that practically _is a part of the Capitol _ and _manufactures _Peacekeepers!" ~

Quickly, I scramble to my feet and run over to him. "If I told you, you would have left!" I put my hand on his arm and try to turn him to face me. "I said I'd keep you safe here..." ~

"I wouldn't have left, Cato!" I yell, strained. "I just would have been more _careful!_ I told you that I would stay with you forever, and the conditions of your family _didn't apply_!" As soon as he goes to grab my arm, I pull it out of his grasp. "Don't touch me! Lying to me isn't keeping me goddamn safe! It's making me look like an oblivious _idiot!_" ~

"No one thinks you're an idiot!" I try grabbing his hand, but he pulls that away, too. "Please, Peeta, I don't want to fight...not with you..." I drop to the couch and look up at him. This is too serious for the tears. No more. "I thought about telling you...but I thought it would be a bad idea...I told you, I'm stupid!" ~

"You brought this fight upon _yourself_!" I still can't even look at him. "You thought it was a better idea to _lie to me_ then, right?" I take a deep breath. "Because you said no more lies! But that was just another fucking one, right? I can't even _imagine_ what else there's been!" ~

"There was nothing!" I jump when he says fuck, because that's reserved for when he's _very_ angry, which he's never been at me. "Everything I said about how I felt for you was true! That was the only one, Peeta...please don't...you're safe, and that's all that matters, isn't it?" ~

"No." I say simply. "That isn't all that matters, Cato." There are so many times when I'm speaking that I want to call him 'love', but I won't. Not now. "What matters is that you were the _only person in the world_ I trusted completely with _everything._ My body, my mind, my heart, my _life_." I pause. "And now I have no one." ~

"I don't know what else to do or say." What comes out of my mouth is stupid, but it's true. There's nothing I could do. I'll be forever finding ways to apologize for what I did but they will never amount to what's necessary. "I...wouldn't trust me either." I stand up and walk towards the stairs, with the intent of locking myself in my room for days. "You win, Peeta. I'll never be anything but sorry." ~

I turn back to look at him finally. "You don't have to be sorry. There's nothing more you can do." My eyes are still empty and cold. I probably wouldn't have recognized myself if I looked in a mirror. "I didn't want to _win_ anything, Cato. Don't you dare walk away from me like this." I'm breathing heavily and realize my fists are red from clenching them so hard, but I've become numb to the pain. ~

I stop and turn to look at him. This isn't him at all, no matter what I did. "Don't even waste your breaths yelling at me. I don't deserve to hear your voice. I don't even deserve to be in the same room as you." I look down at my feet to avoid his eye contact. "Don't love me anymore, please, _I'm begging you_." ~

When he looks away from me and says that, I run up to him and grab him by the front of the shirt. "Don't go and fucking pity yourself now! You're being ridiculous!" I use my free hand to lift his chin and force him to face me, but he still won't make eye contact. "I spent weekends down in a corner of the cellar, because it's the only place in the house he doesn't go-he took off weekends to spend alone time with your mom! There were times where he'd come home early, and I'd have to hide in the most ludacris places because I'd be in the middle of the kitchen, baking a _goddamn_ Welcome Home cake for you and he'd waltz in the front door! I've been in cabinets, closets, the _fridge_, under your bed for _hours_... There were days where I wanted to stop hiding because I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore, and then I'd turn on the fucking tv, and I'd see your goddamn face-and at the same time, I'd get so angry and get the will to live again! I tried to hate you for it, but I realized I _never could_! Don't you get it? I still finished the damn cake-I did this morning, even! I worked on it for _six hours _today alone! And yet, I was still angry at you! I _am_ still angry at you! Part of me wanted to sit in the closet under the stairs and just wait, so you could feel what you might have felt if he ever actually found me! Because I've heard him fucking talk to her, you know? _They don't want me dead._ They want to torture me. _On television_. Because I didn't get my proper televised death in the Games! You don't understand what it's like to have to sit in complete silence and _listen_ to how people want to kill you! And that's not even the fucking half of it! That's just the general premise-the list of ways they want me tortured goes on and on! And then, hearing him say that maybe that'll make you get the hint that you weren't supposed to be into guys-you know, that it was just a bad idea? Hearing that and wanting to spend my life with you? That this man, your father, wants me tortured to death on television as a _punishment_ not only for me defying the Capitol, but for you for having gay feelings? It was like my childhood to a new extreme, Cato!" I finally take a breath. "Look at me! You can't even give me the respect of _looking at me?_" ~

"I can't..." I shut my eyes again, rip my shirt from his hand, and collapse against the wall. They wanted to torture him on national television. My dad considered it a punishment for me. Peeta went out of his way completely to stay alive for me. For the worst person in the world. I wish someone would just tell me that he doesn't love me, or better yet, that I'm insane. The entire time he's been yelling at me, my head was spinning as I played a mental game of pong, going between whether I'm imagining this or not. And I thought I was having trouble with this while we were apart-now, it's much worse while I'm with him. "I don't condone his behavior, Peeta...I had no way to help you." When I open my eyes and look up, he's just staring at me the same way as before. "Are you finished? Is there more?" ~

And suddenly, at the thought of what I am about to say, every emotion floods into me. "Just one more thing." I pause. This is it. "Despite every effort I have made...Every time I have hidden, each bizzare place I've concealed myself..." I look down at him. "I think he knows I'm here." I shut my eyes this time. "I think he was just waiting for you to get back to take me in. So you could see." I open them again, this time, swamped with every possible emotion. "So I have to leave, or die." My voice cracks. "And I want you to make the choice." ~

"But how do you know?" I ask him. I fear that maybe he heard something that gave that away. Maybe it's just paranoia. "How are you sure?" ~

"The way he's spoken? He's almost spoken as if he knows I'm listening now. Telling me what he's going to do. He's glanced in the direction of my hiding spots on more than one occasion and given a knowing look." I say, distant. "He knows, Cato. There's no avoiding it. Now decide." ~

"Leave," I say immediately. "If he knows you're here, you have to go...dying out there somehow is better than being tortured on national television for god knows how long." I push myself up and play with my hands for a moment. "I'll go with you. I will...if you still want me to. I wouldn't change my mind this time. I understand, that after all you've said to me...if you don't want me to go, I'll understand." And I brace myself for the answer. ~

"So...What you're saying is..live, or die..you'd rather still be with me than save your life here?" I say softly, my voice in pain from the yelling. ~

"Like I said before...everything I said about you was the truth. And I said that I love you more than I love myself, remember? I'd rather be with you, unless you don't want me." I reach out to him, asking for some type of touch. A kiss. A hug. Hand-holding. Even a tap. Anything. ~

I look at his outstretched hand, but I don't react to it. Not yet. "So...If I told you I would rather stay here and risk him knowing and getting captured, you'd stay with me?" My voice cracks. "Because I'm tired of running, Cato. I ran for three months. I don't want to run anymore." ~

"I don't think risking your life here would be the best idea," I say, still with my hand outstretched, "but if you want to...I'll stay. Wherever you go, I go." ~

I glance up at him, and back at his hand, back up, and down. I can't do this anymore. "I'm terrified, Cato." I say weakly before collapsing into his arms and burying my face into his chest. "I'm going to die. They're going to kill me." I begin sobbing, letting out everything I've locked in for the past month. Both sobs I had felt, and new ones, from doing to myself what I had done as a child; stopped myself from feeling. Only this time, I hid behind hate, and not smiles. Now, I'm Peeta again. Peeta. Only a boy. Scared. ~

"Shh," I try calming him down as I stroke the back of his head and hug him. It's so good feeling him again. And now, I could be wrong, but I don't think he hates me. I hope he doesn't hate me, even though he should. "I told you! I won't let them do that to you. If they did...I'd go with you. Peeta, don't be scared..." He snapped back and forth between being the most angry person I've ever seen to being normal, sweet Peeta so fast, that it didn't even seem right. "Are you...you again?" ~

I look up at him, my eyes watery. "W...what do you mean?" I don't let go of him. Not for a moment. "I've always been me, love." Love. Yes, he's my love. I can't ever forget that. ~

"I've never seen you so angry...I was actually terrified of you." I laugh at the ridiculousness of someone being afraid of him. "Maybe I'm just crazy." I hug him tightly and kiss the top of his head. "I'm so sorry that I never told you...I didn't think it would turn out like this. Just, please, never be that mad again. It doesn't look right on you." ~

My chest hurts a little. "I..won't. But you...never, ever lie to me again." I'm suddenly very serious, and all the fear escapes me. "I don't care if it'll make things easier. I don't care if it's a silly little thing. Because..." I look to my feet. "There's part of that trust that I had in you that's going to take a while to grow back. But...But if it ever gets broken again, I don't know if I'll be able to fix it." I look up at him. "Promise. On my life." ~

"I won't. I swear on your life. And mine, if you still don't believe me." He has no reason to believe me. "So...are we staying or going?" ~

I'd thought about this before he came home. "We're staying." I say, my throat going dry, knowing it has just given me an almost sure death sentence. "I won't run. Not anymore. If this may be the last bits of time I have...I want to spend them doing things I want to do. With you. Not stressed and hiding, trying to escape only to get shot down without getting to say goodbye." ~

"Okay..." I force his hand into mine and lead him upstairs. "I missed you, Peeta." ~

"I missed you, too, you charming bastard." I kiss him, getting on the tips of my toes to do so right outside his bedroom door. ~

"So you don't...hate me?" I ask. "This isn't another trick so that you could yell at me again, or tell me that nothing is real anymore, that you were never here? Did you _really_ miss me?" ~

"More than you even know... I said it when I was _yelling_ at you, Cato, that no matter how much I tried to hate you while you were gone, I couldn't. I love you too much to ever hate you...did you even read my note? I told you I'd love you..no matter what either of us said. What kind of proof do you need?" ~

"But you wrote that note before you found out." I shrug. "I thought that would've changed everything." I think for a minute. "I had to read that note every day, because I forgot you were here. Then I got home, and I couldn't find you, so I thought you were never here...and then you told me you were never here, and I thought that was real. I don't know anything anymore, Peeta." ~

"I can't blame you for that. And...I'm sorry I took my anger out on your insecurities." I wrap my arms around him. "But _I am real_, love." I take his hand and place it on my chest. "Do you feel my heart beating? It's real." Then, I get myself taller again on my toes and begin kissing his neck gently. "This...this is real." ~

A/N: And how about that? Questions? Concerns? TELL ME. xx


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: I told you, chapter spam. SO HERE'S 28. 28 IS THE ENDING TO THE REGULAR STORY. 29 BEGINS THE ENDING THAT YOU ALL BROUGHT UPON YOURSELVES. I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY. Cato's POV.

"You know what else is real?" I lift him and toss him onto my bed. Then, I climb on top of him, unzip my jacket, and lift my shirt up. "This." And I smile because I have Peeta back. ~

"Well thank god for that." I say almost in a pant, from the pleasant shock of this turn of events. ~

"Like what you see?" I wink seductively. ~

"I missed it so much.." I pull his bare shoulders down so he's right against me so I can kiss his lips again. How I missed them. ~

I make sure to prolong the kiss, since this is the first real one we've had in weeks, then I pull away. "Too bad." I sigh. "We have things to discuss, Lover Boy." ~

"What? What on earth could we have to discuss?" I whine, grasping at his bare back, trying to pull him closer-but as strong as I am, he's stronger. ~

"Someone's a little sex-crazed there." He's been wanting this since at least Day 2 in the arena. "Your sleeping arrangements, what we do during the day, what happens if you get caught? I can't enjoy you unless I know we have things planned." ~

That jerk. "I can sleep in bed with you, I'll sit in your closet all day for all I care, and if I get caught, well, I won't." I didn't even want to think about that at this second. All I could think about was Cato. "Now _please_ kiss me again? And I am not sex-crazy! I've never done it!" I almost pout. ~

"But you've been eye-sexing me ever since training." I laugh and lean in for another kiss. "This is only because I missed you! I'm still not letting the topic go. Say you did, what would happen?" ~

I pause and think about it for a moment, clearing my mind. "You'd...try to come and save me? And...whether it worked or it didn't...we'd be together sooner or later." I glanced away from him quickly before looking back. ~

"And...if I couldn't save you," I choke out, "what would you want me to do?" I look at him. "Would you prefer sooner, or later?" ~

"Oh god, Cato, I..." I don't know what to say. "It's like, back in the arena, that first night... I mean...I think it'd be up to you. If...you felt you couldn't be without me, and that life just...just wouldn't be worth it..." I stammer. "Then sooner. I don't want you to have to...suffer. But...But if you think you can go on, then go on. And...and I'll wait for you. I'll wait forever for you." ~

"I've gone on without you before." I half-smile before kissing him again and hugging him. "You see how I turned out after that. I wouldn't ever be the same." ~

"Then...then sooner it is." I look at him, knowing the terminology we're using doesn't make it seem so dire when we're discussing him taking his own life. ~

"I...it won't happen like that." I refuse to believe it. "We'll find some way out." Just thinking about it reminds me of how we'd get caught if I don't get up and lock the door. "Be right back." I get up and walk over to close the door, putting the double-lock on it. "Anyway..." I jump back into bed with him, but lay next to him. "We'll live long and with each other. We have to." ~

"I dreamt about it, you know. While you were gone." ~

"Through all that terror, you still had time to sleep?" I laugh. "What was your dream about?" ~

"Barely." I laughed a little, though I wasn't lying. "It was nothing special, we just...outlived the times. Grew into adults in a time where I wasn't wanted, just...kinda lived life. Like two normal people." I pause. "I know, it's a silly thing to dream about, I just...I want it so badly." ~

"So do I," I say, staring up at the ceiling. "It could happen, you know. Even though I never want to grow up." ~

"Old man Cato, huh?" I look him up and down. "I don't think you'd age badly." I smile. "It could happen. I just...wish we didn't have to wait so long." ~

"The day I lose my sexy will be the day you stop loving me." I fake cry. "Then no one will love me." I look at him and see that he's giving me an all-too-serious look. "Fine, I'll stop. But look at it this way! You'll be a child forever, with that height." ~

"Are we really going to start with this again?" I laugh. "I'll just be a little old man." ~

If he makes it that far. "You know, with me always teasing you about your shortness..." I pause, then laugh. "Nevermind." ~

"What is it?" I give him a curious look. ~

Sighing, I say, "I was going to say that I wonder if all of you is short." I smile, then start laughing my ass off. "If you know what I mean." ~

Once again, my tomato face has returned. "Well you're the one who's stopping any chances of you finding that out!" ~

"Well, I have my reasons." ~

"At least tell me so I can not complain to you about it all the time!" ~

"Peeta," I begin, looking into his eyes, "our relationship was...rushed. I almost wanted to do it in the cave, but I didn't want to get killed mid-sex or anything, but ever since you came back, we've had a real chance, right?" He nods. "Well, I figured we'd have more time for each other, so if we gave it up to each other now, what would be left? We've done everything else because we thought it was our only chance to. But say we did it, and you ended up being fine...what would be left?" ~

For a moment, I couldn't believe this was Cato. My Cato. He was so right...so perfectly right. It just didn't seem like something that would ever come out of his mouth. "It's...positive thinking. Thinking...that we will get the chance again." ~

I shake my head and sit up in the bed. "No, you don't get it...there's something else. Another reason why we can't." ~

I pause. "What...what is it?" ~

"We aren't mature enough for that. You're...too innocent, and I don't want to ruin that. But me..." I take a deep breath and sigh. "I'm just not mature enough in general. I don't even know how this-" I gesture towards us, "-happened. I don't know what we are. I'm...I'm starting to forget how we started." I don't forget on purpose, but with him being here and hiding all the time, and me going on the Victory Tour, everything's slipping. Especially earlier, when I thought I'd gone insane. ~

"I...You took a chance on me." I whisper to him. "Don't you remember? If not.." It'll be hard, but it could be the only way. "I can show you." I laugh a bit. "It_ was_ all on television." ~

"Show me whatever you want," I say, then point towards his lower body. "Not that." Then I laugh, but I become serious again very quickly. "You're confusing, Peeta. You do these wonderful things, then I'm an ass but you still forgive me, and then finally you snap and I think you hate me...and I thought you'd never play my insecurity on purpose, but you did...and then you forgave me again." I turn away from him and face the closet. "You're too forgiving. That's something I don't understand." ~

"We...make mistakes in love. But I told you in the arena, that..that I knew I loved you. From the start." I wrap my arms around him from behind. "Why would I throw away something so incredible for...mistakes? You...you were just trying to protect me. Though I wish you hadn't in that way, I... I know you only ever meant well for me." I kiss the back of his head. "I told you...I'd love you forever. No matter what, I'd follow you to the ends of the earth." I laugh. "You have to at least remember that...and if not? Now you know. Unconditionally." ~

"I love you too, Peeta." I put my head down. "But I still don't want to...I'm sorry." ~

"Oh, no.. I wasn't trying to convince you to.." I try to turn him towards me. "I just want to make sure you know how I feel about you. That you never have to doubt me." ~

"Don't." I turn around and knock him down with kisses. "But you'll always be doubting me, and that isn't fair for you." As lies continue to surface, he'll just have more and more reasons to doubt me. ~

"Then don't give me a reason to...tell me everything." I take a deep breath. "Clean slate." ~

"Everything?" He warily shakes his head yes. "Well...since we're being completely honest here, I met someone...while I was on the Victory Tour..." ~

My heart stops. "O...okay." I can't breathe. But I try not to show a thing. Not that, or the fact that I'm on the verge of tears. ~

"There were a lot." And they wanted me to _do _things. ~

"W...what do you mean...a lot?" ~

I look up at the ceiling and start counting on my fingers. "Five, six?" ~

"How are you..saying this so casually?" Tears are escaping now. ~

"Because you said to tell you everything! It's not like I'm able to avoid this, so why beat around the bush?" I say. "I originally wasn't going to tell you, because I know how jealous you get sometimes, but you said no more lies, so there." ~

"...Who? ...why?" ~

"Just a few randoms. Mostly in the Capitol." I turn and look at him crying. "No! Peeta, don't cry, please! You see why I didn't want to tell you?" ~

"...you shouldn't have done it in the first place..." I start sobbing, but not even his embrace can comfort me. Knowing that it's held others. "I thought you loved me." ~

"I didn't do anything wrong, though..." I try to touch him, but he smacks my hand away. "I do love you! It isn't my fault that they were after me..." ~

"But... But you shouldn't have given in!" I cry. "What did you do with them?" I'm not sure I want to know. ~

"You thought I gave in?" I get out of the bed and stand up. "I was _going_ to say that I turned them all down because I'm _in love with you_! I didn't want to tell you this because you'd get jealous, but with the no lies things, I had to! And you thought I'd _give in_?" I reach for my shirt, which was lying at the foot of the bed, and put it on over my head. "I didn't give in once! I never even considered it!" ~

I look at him dumbfounded. "You...should have started with that part." I begin wiping the tears off of my face. "You know how insecure I get about you and all the people who want you.." I grab his hand. "You're wonderful..." ~

"No!" I yell, pulling my hand away. "I thought it was _implied_ that I wasn't with them...even though they _did_ offer me more money than I can ever imagine." That's it. "_Now_ do you see another reason why I can't have sex with you? It's because I'll always be reminded of that!" ~

"Of what? I'm sorry I'm horribly insecure!" My voice cracks. ~

"You don't get it?" I ask quietly, walking over to him. "They wanted me to whore myself out." ~

My eyes widen. "W-who...?" ~

"Everybody!" ~

"Why on earth would they expect you to do that?" ~

"Because apparently, I'm very popular in the Capitol! And I'm not the only one, you know. There are others. Other victors that go through this. You know what one person said?" ~

"W...what?" I wanted to know and I didn't at once. I wanted to know what they did to these people their Capitol loved so much, but I don't want to know what could have become of my Cato. ~

"That I would've been one of the more _expensive _ones." Chills are sent up my spine as I say the word 'expensive'. "That what they saw in the cave that one day was only a _sneak preview_ of what I was capable of. When they said that, I thought of you, and how _dirty_ I would feel if I was forced to break my promise to you. I tried _so very hard_ to get out of it. It took a weird mix of crying and bitchy attitude to get out of it." I sit on the edge of the bed, not making eye contact with him. "They said it was such a shame that I was so messed up and they didn't want to risk it with me in the state I was in. They said I would've been good. But...all I could think about was poor Peeta Mellark from District Twelve, hiding out in my house forever. How you needed me, so I tried as hard as I could to get out of it. You're lucky I did." ~

"I guess I have more luck than I thought..." I whisper. "I'm so sorry." I stand in front of him holding my hands out to him. "I can't...believe they do that.. You're one of the strongest people I know. If not the strongest." I kiss his head. "That's horrible..." I think. "I suppose that decides it, then." ~

"Decides what?" Still not looking at him, I reach up and grab his hands. ~

"Everything seems to go wrong when we're apart." I say to him. "So...together forever is the only option." I give a small smile. "Okay?" ~

The first thing I see when I look up is his smile. "Okay." We stare at each other, holding hands, for the longest time. Eventually, I just stand up, knock him down to the floor, and kiss him. "I never want to be with anyone else but you, okay? You're everything...that matters to me. You're the most important thing in this house-in the country. We'll be doomed together. When, or if, the Capitol ever finds you. It'll still be you and me. Right?" ~

"Right." I laugh. I'm just so happy to see him like himself again. "I promise!" I kiss him back. This is how it's supposed to be. ~

A/N: I don't think any of you are quite ready for what you've gotten yourselves into. Review and we'll see how this goes… x


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Here goes nothing…and everything. Peeta starts.

"Right." I laugh. I'm just so happy to see him like himself again. "I promise!" I kiss him back. This is how it's supposed to be. But the moment is so perfect...So completely engulfing of my and his senses that we don't hear the front door open. ~

"You don't have to promise me anything." I laugh. "I'm just glad that we got all bad things out in the open and away from us. Now," I push him away a little bit so that I could get a good grip on the bottom of his shirt and I pull it off over his head, "we can have some fun." ~

"So am I." I grab for the base of his shirt. "I know you _just_ put it back on, but still." I give an innocent smile before getting serious. Because I know he's as serious about it as I am. "I...I just like feeling your heartbeat against mine." I admit. ~

"But you were right." I motion for him to just rip the goddamn shirt off. "I'm ready now. And you've always been. So...it's now or never." While he takes my shirt off, I work with his pants, which I noticed he borrowed from me since he has nothing else. "I'd rather have now." ~

I realize what he's saying. "N..now? Are you sure?" I want to, but I want to make sure he isn't because I want to. "Positive?" ~

"Absolutely positive." I pants him as quickly as I can and pull him all over the bed with kisses. "I know you've been wondering for the longest time what I would be like in bed." ~

"I have. I've thought about it constantly...though I have a pretty good idea." ~

"You _think_ you have a pretty good idea." I smirk, then start to take off my own pants. "But you haven't seen anything even remotely close. You're in for a ride tonight, Peeta." ~

I haven't been this close to him like this since the Games, and my heart is absolutely racing faster than it ever has before. "I'll take that as a promise." I smile slyly. ~

"I'd always heard make up sex was the best kind, too." I get on top of him, lying helpless in my bed. "I thought I'd leave some of the work for you." I say, pointing to my pants, which were already halfway off. ~

I only get one more moment of joy with him for the rest of my life. I realize that when I hear the doorknob start to shake, and we hear his voice.

"Cato? Open the door! I didn't get to see you at the celebrations-I've missed you, son!"

I freeze. ~

Oh god. I start frantically looking around the room, anywhere for Peeta to hide. "Under the bed." I whisper, giving him the clothes he was wearing. "Just a second!" I call towards the door, as I pull my pants back up and search for my shirt. Whispering, I say, "Where's my shirt?" ~

At first, I can't move. Then I jump up, gathering my things from Cato's arms. "Where did you put it?" I whisper back. Shit, shit. "There!" I hiss, pointing to his shirt, scrambling toward his closet as quietly as I can.

"What is it?" The voice says. ~

Fucking Peeta, I said under the bed! "I'm just...too tired to get out of bed. Hold on!" When the closet door closes, I put my shirt on and zip the jacket on over it. It's too cold to just be in a tee shirt anyway. "Coming!" As I run over to the door to unlock it, I comb through my hair with my fingers to flatten it a bit. I turn the knob and pull the door open. "...Hi." ~

I couldn't stop myself from holding in my breath as the man walks into the room. "You seem out of breath." He laughs-but it's not a kind laugh, though it's genuine. I can only see this man as bad. "Long day, huh?" ~

I try as hard as I can to suppress my breathing a little bit so that it seems normal. "Yeah, I'm just glad to be back home." Well, it was true. "I think the tour was just what I needed." ~

"How did it all go? I don't know if your mother told you, but I came home to watch the recaps at night with her after work." ~

"Really?" Hopefully my surprise sounds genuine enough for him. How I play this will determine life or death for Peeta. "Did finally seeing me on the Victory Tour make you proud?" Any parent should be proud to see his or her own child alive after the Games, but really, my dad isn't like other parents. ~

He pauses. "I've always been proud of you, Cato." He sighs. "You just make some stupid choices." He smiles. "But that doesn't mean I'm not proud." ~

If half of Panem thinks I faked it, I might as well milk it for all it's worth. "Stupid, or genius?" I raise my eyebrow and smirk. "Did you_ see_ how everyone in the Capitol reacted to my 'romance'?" I put air quotes around the word. "That's what you mean, right?" ~

He gives a smile as if he knows what Cato's trying to say. "Ah, exactly. You _faked _the whole thing to gain sponsors and sympathy, hm?" He pats him on the back. ~

"I didn't get any sponsors." I say flatly. "But I thought it'd be a good show, you know? They all knew I was already the best tribute there, they knew I was strong, but I gave a bit more substance to it, and they're practically _throwing themselves at me_." I laugh as I remember all those Capitol people trying to pay me off. Like I'd forget about Peeta that quickly. "Besides, it's fun toying with people's hearts like that. Making them think they have a chance with me, as they're at the brink of death." ~

As much as Cato laughs, his father's face doesn't change from the stoic, somewhat stern look he gained when Cato called it a "good show". "Oh, so you were putting on a show?" He said, sarcastically amused. I was a bit confused at why-Cato was playing exactly what it seemed he'd want. "Is that so?" ~

"Yes?" Something tells me that he's not exactly buying it. "Would it ever be anything else? I know you didn't really like seeing that, but...I'm a favorite in the Capitol now. People are tripping over their feet to get a taste of the action." ~

"The action, right..." He says nonchalantly. "So, seeing as your whole romance was _fake_," he bites the last word. "Do you care to tell me why you've been hiding that boy in our home for two months?"

Fuck. ~

The color drains from my face, and I want to hide that, but if I turn away, it'll ruin the whole effect of the lie I'm trying to create. "Hiding him in our house?" I ask. "Dad, don't tell me you think he's still alive. He's _dead_. No one can outsmart the Capitol like that, especially some idiot from Twelve." I pause, thinking for something else to add. "You must've just been hearing things around the house while I was gone." But I already know. He must've seen him at some point. Peeta was right. Shit. ~

"Why do you look so _sick_ all of a sudden? Did you think I wouldn't find out? I'm _Head_ Peacekeeper for a reason, Cato. I know how to do my job." He stares him directly in the eyes, not letting his son break the gaze. "I'm also your father. And I know when you're lying." I want to drop dead at this very moment. "Also, based on your eye patterns...I know exactly where he is in here." They must train them like hell. I'd never experienced a _real_ Peacekeeper. Those in Twelve were just...lax. "How ironic." He scoffs. "You can tell your idiot boyfriend to come out of the closet." ~

It's done. He knows. "If I'm not mistaken, Mr. _Head Peacekeeper_," I start by mocking him, since I already know Peeta and I will be dead soon, so I might as well get out as many shots as I can, "he came out of the closet a long time ago." I pause for a moment, then add, "On live TV. To me. To your _only son_. And then we made out." ~

His face hardened. I saw it happen in slow motion as I cracked the door to the closet. He quickly snapped, taking the front of Cato's shirt and jacket near his neck into his fist and _lifting him into the air._ "You listen to me, you little _shit_. I don't give a fuck what happened before. And you shouldn't, either. Because that boy's going to be dead very soon." ~

Suddenly, I have trouble breathing. "Put me down." I'm not scared; I was expecting this to happen sooner or later. But I was_ finally able to give it up to him_, then this happens. "I honestly don't give a fuck about what _you think_ will happen, but he won't die." I consider yelling at Peeta to run, jump out the window, escape to some other place-anything-while my dad is still preoccupied with holding me, but I don't want to risk him getting killed right here. ~

"Oh, he is. And if you don't believe me-you will soon. Because you're going to get to watch with your very own eyes while it happens."

Together, we said. Together or nothing. I slowly open up the doors and give a hateful glare at the man holding Cato. "Ah, look. The star of the hour." He says, and turns his gaze to me. He has Cato's eyes, but...but these are nothing like the eyes I could stare into for hours. They're the same blue-green, but all these hold are hate. "Now, Mr. Mellark, seeing as everyone present knows what's going to be happening here, why don't you tell my son to calm down?" He looks back to Cato. "After all, the better he behaves, the sooner we put you out of your misery. If he continues to act like a bastard, I'll be sure to use my authority to prolong your torture as long as I possibly can." ~

"Run," is all I'm able to choke out through my strangled breath. ~

"Don't you think you're clever?" His father manages to say before I can even think about listening to Cato. I don't even get time to think after he speaks, because I'm getting hit with something very hard and slamming into the wall behind me. I open my eyes to find myself on the ground with Cato next to me and partially on my legs. He must've thrown him at me. I feel like I have the wind knocked out of me. "Don't even try." He commands. And even if I was brave enough to defy him, my body wouldn't allow it. ~

My head is pounding and I feel blood trickling out fast. I look next to me and see a bloodstained nightstand, and that's when I realize my head collided with the corner of it. Standing up is a wasted effort because I just collapse to the ground again. Instead, I look up to my dad and cover the back of my head with my sleeve. "You're a real asshat, you know that?" I begin. "I know you don't like it, and your job is to make sure he's more than dead, but shouldn't you _not_ hate me? What would Mom say to this, huh?" ~

"You say that as if you think I care." He scoffs. "I never said I hated you, Cato. At least, not in so many words." He glances back to me, and then back to Cato, who I realize is bleeding.

"Oh god, I'm sorry.." I whisper, putting my hand on the back of his head, trying to stop the flow.

"You shouldn't be worrying about his cut so much. He'll be taken to a hospital, don't you worry." The man doesn't break eye contact with Cato, not even for a moment. "You, on the other hand, will face much worse. And I promise, there won't be so much as a cloth to cover your gaping wounds." He looks at me and _smiles_. ~

I turn to Peeta. "I know you and I said together...but now you see what I mean. I want you to go." He immediately begins to protest, but I continue. "_I want you to go_. Don't worry about me here." Then, I look back up to my father. "What are you waiting for, anyway? You're all talk, aren't you? Like you've been your entire life." ~

"I'm not going _anywhere_." I say quietly, completely serious. I told myself that if it did come down to it, I'd stick to together. Even if it got me killed.

"Oh, what-you think I'm going to kill you, _my son_?" He laughs. "No, that would be a relief for you if you both died. I intend on keeping you alive and healthy for many more years. Only he-" He looks at me. "-gets to die." ~

"Not if I killed you first." I'm being completely serious. I had never given thought to killing a member of my own family, especially one that used to be very fond of me, but that's all out the window now. I try to get up again, but my vision blacks out for a few seconds and I fall to the floor again. "Peeta," I say, "I told you we should've ran." ~

I do my best to get beneath him to break his fall, as short as it is. "I'm not running anymore, love." My voice cracked on my name for him. "I was due for this five months ago..I'm just glad we got more time together." I'm shaking, but I manage to lean down to kiss the bleeding part of his head. "Together, love." I whisper to him. I cannot cry. I am beyond tears now. All I hear is his voice.

"I've got him. I need a team in Victor's Village immediately." ~

I ignore everything that I'm even able to hear. "But we could still go...there's time for us." I won't believe that it's all over now. Someone doesn't just come into my life and change it completely, then leave five months later. I can't let him die. I'd do anything. "I'd do anything." I say. "Anything if you don't take him away. Torture me, I don't care...don't take him away. He should've won, not me...please." I'm begging now, with my eyes still closed and my head becoming dizzier and dizzier with each passing second. ~

"I can't do that, Cato. My job is to make sure a rebel dies and a traitor gets rightly punished for his crimes. And your punishment is that you have to continue living after he's dead and gone." He says cruelly. I know he wouldn't budge on this. The way the man looks at me, I can tell he _can't wait_ to see me suffer. "You'll get to be with him, if that helps you at all." He shrugs, and I hear noises outside. People. Peacekeepers. Faster than I can even think, I feel myself getting pulled away from Cato. I go to protest, but I can't make words. ~

"No! Stop!" I force my eyes open and see Peeta getting dragged out the door by Peacekeepers. "I...love him." My first instinct is to crawl to the door if I can't walk or run, but I'm only able to make it a couple of feet before I officially collapse to the ground. The blood never stopped draining from the back of my head, and the entire room starts spinning. "I'll follow him..." And then everything goes black. ~

A/N: This chapter was posted this morning for fadi. You wonderful person who reviews and has feels. XD You'll have to see what happens, right? I didn't sleep all night, so… this a/n is awkward. But I'd like it if you reviewed please. xx


	30. Chapter 30

A/N: Begins from Peeta's POV. …That's all I can really say here. I don't know, man. I don't know.

The room is bright. So bright that there are times when I cannot see the cameras. But I see them. I know they are there. What concerns me about the brightness is I cannot tell if Cato is here. But then, I remind myself that if he were here, I would have heard the door open in front of me, and the chair across the table with the metal restraints would also be occupied.

But where he is and how he is are all I've been able to think about today. Even though I was given a goodbye to my family (to which my mother did not show up), told in painful detail of why I was here, and _groomed for the cameras_, all I thought about was Cato. Cato, and if he was okay. Of course he was...I just wanted him here. The sense of dread within me made me feel like I could drop dead any second, and I wanted to see him at least one more time. I'm going to be here for two, six-hour sessions. With ten minutes for water between. Cato was, too. It was then I also realized that the metal on the chairs holding our hands in place were just short enough that our hands would never actually meet.

I felt as if I'd been sitting there for hours when I heard the door get fumbled with for the first time. Well, the one in front of me that my love would come through. Not the one behind me that the various people and instruments of torture would come through so I couldn't see them until they were inflicting pain on my body. ~

I'm struggling the entire time I'm being dragged down a long hallway. I'm not exactly sure how long I was out for, but I know I woke up to a Peacekeeper bringing me to some bright room at the end of the hallway. I don't even need to listen or look at his face to know it's my father-I can tell just by the way he's gripping me. The only thing I've been wondering about since I woke up is whether or not Peeta was dead already, but then I remember they wanted to torture him in front of me.

Maybe I'm crazy.

I'm thrown to the wall and held there as my dad searches for the key to unlock the door. It's still impossible for me to get out, so I give up and stand there like an idiot. When he finally opens the door, I'm thrown into the room. At first, I'm blinded by the lights. Then, my eyes are able to adjust and I see cameras everywhere. So this is it.

He pushes me into a chair and straps me in at the feet and the wrists. I feel like I'm in a mental institution. They might as well put me in a straightjacket. I look up from the metal encasing my ankles and wrists and finally see what I've been looking for, sitting right across from me. "Peeta?"

My action results in a slap across the face from none other than my worst enemy. "You don't speak yet."

I look back down at my feet. They wouldn't even let me talk to him.

"As punishment for your crimes," he says, looking at Peeta, "your_ love_ will watch you be tortured to death while you're on national television. It'll be most enjoyable, for some people. You, not so much." Then he turns to me, and I can see the look of hatred on his face. "You _saw him sooner_ than you thought, am I right? You'll be seeing a lot of him for the next six or so hours." He double-checks the restraints on the both of us, then walks towards the door. "Have fun with your boyfriend while you can. They'll be in soon." He opens the door and closes it behind him. And I can hear him _laughing_. ~

I look up at Cato and see the red mark on his face, and now is the time for tears. Before they come in and see me crying. See me weak. Though there are cameras, I feel that only Cato is here, and nothing else can matter besides that. "..I...I'm sorry that you have to go through this..." I'm already choking on my words. "This is it, isn't it?" ~

"It's my fault, I should've told you." I say, my voice deadpan. "This is it." ~

"It's not your fault...It's not time for blame. Especially if this is all the time we've got left." I'm shaking the bit I can manage in the shackles on the chair. ~

"But I don't want this to be the time we've got left..." I look up and I'm finally able to see his face, stained with tears. "I made a mistake...if we never got this close, you wouldn't be here right now...but either way, whether it was my fault or not, I'm glad we met, Peeta." ~

Now _that_ gets me crying harder, when I thought that was impossible. "So..you finally changed your mind on that?" I manage to be strong and crack a smile. "So am I...So am I. I wish we'd gotten more time, but...I'm happier to die having known you than live not having you, love." ~

The tears flowing down his face is too much to handle. "I don't want you to die at all." I'm stuck saying pointless things to him that he already knows. "Yes, I changed my mind on that. I'll always be glad we met. And...I don't know how long you'll have to wait for me, but I'll be there eventually, okay?" ~

"I'll wait as long as I have to." Now, I realize I'm visibly shaking. My mind has finally started to register that I am going to die. Maybe today. Maybe tomorrow. But it will be here. And it will be sooner than later. And it will hurt. "I'll miss you." Something that makes me sound so small. But something so honest. "I'm...I'm going to die here, Cato. Aren't I?" I need someone to confirm it to me so I know it's not a nightmare, and I can just accept it once and for all. ~

I try pulling my hands out of the restraints, but they're a little too big to pull out without actually unlocking the damn thing. "Please don't ask me that." I know the answer is yes. Yes, he'll die here if I can't find a way out. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." When I swore I would. "It was another lie, wasn't it?" ~

"No..." I shake my head. "You did. You did everything you could." I let out a quiet sob. "I'll always be with you, Cato. Always. Our hearts...they beat in time." A sudden chill gets sent up my spine, and I realize the door behind me has opened. I don't know what or who is there, but I shut my eyes and prepare myself for it. "I love you." I whisper. ~

"I love you too Peeta!" I shriek. The door behind him slams, so I automatically shut my mouth. If the cameras weren't already going...well, they are now.

"Good morning, Panem," a voice says, "it seems that your beloved Capitol has run into a bit of luck." I shut my eyes so that I could pretend it isn't real. "After agonizing months of searching, rebel Peeta Mellark has been found..." I'm sure the cameras are all focusing on him now, shaking in his chair. I can hear the metal braces rattling. "And in the home of none other than his lover." A voice inside my head tells me that I have to look now. The lights seem brighter than ever and I can't see Peeta anymore. "Cato's been stealing a lot of the airtime lately, hasn't he? Victor of the 74th Annual Hunger Games, he just returned from his Victory Tour yesterday, and now this..." So Peeta was right. My dad must've known for a long time that he was living at our house, because there's no way they could've thrown all this together in less than a day.

From across the room, I hear Peeta whimper a bit. I won't be able to take this and it hasn't even started.

The voice continues. "As punishment for defying the Capitol, Peeta Mellark will undergo torture equivalent to the pain he should have felt in the arena. Then, tomorrow morning, he will receive the proper death he should have received in the Hunger Games about six months ago."

So, I have until tomorrow morning to figure this out. ~

I can't think. What is one supposed to think about when they discover they have almost exactly 24 hours left to live? All I know is that I'm afraid now. And I won't hide it. Sure, there are going to be people who are going to agree with what's happening to me...but others will object, won't they? Maybe people will start to take notice for once...Notice how the Capitol treats us all. I didn't do any of this on purpose. I didn't ask to survive the berry in the arena. And...and here I am now. The cameras are everywhere, and if I squint, I can make out Cato on the other side of the room. I cannot see the person introducing the world to my death. I don't think I want to. If this torture is going to drive me insane, I want the last face I see while I'm in my own, right mind to be Cato's. Because he's the only thing that'll keep me attached to my old self. I begin breathing heavily and start to try to grab onto something out of nerves, but my hands won't reach. This is already torture. I squint again, but the lights and cameras are obscuring my vision. "Cato...are you still here?" I manage to whisper. Torture today. Death tomorrow. ~

Next thing I know, there's a Peacekeeper at my side. For good measure, I'd say. Then, I hear Peeta whispering to me. "I'm here for the next six hours." I say quietly. Then, there's another slap to my face and another command of "no talking".

Another voice starts talking directly to Peeta, this time. "I'm sure our little tribute remembers his chariot costume? The fire?" ~

My eyes widen. I had been bracing myself for some sort of impact, but my mind hadn't even thought of anything in this range of possibilities. I nod, hoping that the reaction to the voice will get me some form of mercy. I also know my hope is in vain. But cooperating just seems like the smartest idea right now. ~

I see a figure step out from the back of the room. I can't see any of his features-all I can see is a giant match being lit.

The voice continues. "How did you like it? Did it hurt?"

No, of course it didn't hurt him. Unlike the fire I see next to him,_ that_ fire was fake. ~

"N...no." I barely manage to crack out. I smelled the smoke, and it immediately made my throat dry. "I..it wasn't real f-fire." I almost whimpered. Here it is. The beginning of the end. Just like this whole thing began. In fire. ~

"Oh, such a shame. Then I guess you won't know how it really feels until...now."

As I watch them light his sleeve on fire, I scream his name out. ~

I can't even tell who's screaming at this point; Cato or I. I know I heard my name before the pain completely engulfed my right arm, and I immediately cried out loudly in despair. This was a pain I'd never experienced before in my life. I felt as if every part of me the fire touched was no longer a part of me. It wasn't numb, but I just didn't even feel attached to any of it. The heat began spreading towards my torso and neck; it had taken over my entire right arm and was moving on. ~

"Stop it!" I scream again, putting my head down so that I couldn't get slapped across the face again.

The fire slowly crawls up his arm and it eventually reaches his neck. I want to scream again for the hundredth time, but my throat has gone dry. I can see that his pale skin is already becoming redder and darker. Behind him, I see them getting ready for the next part of his endless torture, though I can't see what it is exactly.

After about five minutes of him being on fire, they light his left arm, and then the hem of his pants. I know that soon, flames will engulf his entire body. ~

For a while, the fire lives on my right arm and chest. But then, I feel the same, searing heat on my arm and near my ankles. Immediately, I feel as if I will never be able to walk again. But it's not like that matters. The first thing I thought when they lit my arm was that I'd never be able to bake or paint again, but then I remembered that even if I was capable...I'd never have those luxuries again. As the heat from the left side of my body spreads, I eventually cannot distinguish it from the flame on the right, and I know they've met in the middle and have their wisps licking along my neck. As the flames on my legs get closer and closer to my chest, rising up my body, I close my eyes and pray this is a horrible dream. "Please!" I shriek. "Please wake up!" But deep inside, I know I am not dreaming. ~

Hearing Peeta scream is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life. He's right in front of me and I can't even do anything about it. It's like I can almost feel the burning sensation on myself, mirroring what it's doing to his body. "Stop! This isn't worth it!" Then I beg for something I never thought I would. "Just kill him!"

But they ignore me and continue to watch him twist and turn in his chair, unable to put out the fire. He outshines any of the lights in this room, by now. His clothes are nearly burned away now, and I see that he's wearing something underneath-another shirt, probably fire resistant but not heat resistant. It's another ten minutes before the fire finally burns out, and his screaming dies down, and I hear my father laughing behind me. ~

I have never been more relieved in my life than I was when the fires stopped. They must have been meant to burn for a certain amount of time, because though the mass came from three sources, it went out cleanly at once. "O..oh god..." I stutter before coughing madly from the smoke. But I stop the coughing, because every move I make hurts. Even the littlest things. Blinking makes my eyes tear more than what should be natural. "I..is it over?" I think aloud. ~

"No." A bunch of people in the room laugh at his relief. I'm finally able to see him clearly, and he's burned...all over. In some places, his skin is even worse than red. But I have almost no time to worry about his burns because another Peacekeeper steps forward and slices one of the burn spots open with a long, rusty knife. ~

I can't even make a noise at first for the amount of pain I've just felt. Something unnatural digs into the back of my charred shoulder. When it's removed, I shout out in pain. I didn't even get any kind of warning on that, which may have been what made it hurt more. ~

They don't do it just once. In fact, they open wounds all over his exposed body, and even one across his face. "NO!" I scream again, trying to shake my arms loose, but they continue anyway. I wonder how much of Panem is viewing this right now. "PEETA!" ~

Immediately after they slash my face, I hear Cato call out to me. I turn my head to face him, but suddenly, blood gushes in the way of my left eye. I quickly turn my head away. One of the worst things about this is knowing this is the last he'll see of me. This pathetic boy getting tortured and begging for his life. By the time they're done with me, I know I'll be unrecognizable. ~

"Get the hot water ready." I hear one of them say. Oh my god. They're going to pour boiling water on his _burns_. On his likely infected cuts, which are already starting to swell.

"This isn't his fault! STOP IT!" I start crying. "TAKE ME INSTEAD!" ~

I know the Peacekeepers are talking, but I don't hear what they say. It can't be good, because it has Cato screaming and crying. And we both know it's no use. Because this is exactly what they want. Me in horrific physical pain. And him in horrible emotional pain.

Congratulations, Capitol. You've won. Emotional and physical checkmate. ~

A/N: I think I'm posting these so quickly because they hurt so much. Ugh. Review, if you can still manage. This is only the beginning. xx


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Tell me what you all think—I apologize to those who are taken by surprise. The next few chapters are somewhat violently graphic. There's still so much to go, though! I promise. Please don't run away. I'll tell you a secret. There's only one ending. I didn't want ya'll to think you got the terrible ending for whatever reason—this is the ending as it was meant to be. Just wait and see. Starts Cato's POV.

Can Peeta even hear what I'm saying? Does he refuse to talk at all? He has no time to say anything now, if he did, because two Peacekeepers are standing behind him with giant vats of boiling water. I can even see the steam coming out. I shut my eyes tightly when I see one slowly starting to pour it all over him. ~

The burns covering my body had already been spreading so much heat to my system that the moment the boiling water hit me, I had sensory overload. My entire body convulsed in on itself as I stupidly screamed, burning my mouth, too. As I twitched, I felt the cuts in my wrists and ankles from my involuntary pulling. ~

"YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" They said that they'd kill him tomorrow. At this rate, he'll be dead within a few hours. "THIS ISN'T FAIR!" The Peacekeeper who was standing next to me enjoying the show finally got fed up with my screaming and slapped me again. "I SAID TAKE ME!"

Then, when he's panting and trying to get over the pain, they pour the second bucket of boiling water on him. ~

I cry out again loudly, hoping this is the last of this. Though the water is only on me for a moment, the heat lasts for a long time. "T...that hurts...Oh, oh god..." I say almost obviously. But I need to speak. I can't keep all of this pain buried inside of me. ~

I can't scream for him anymore because he can't hear me. Then, nothing else comes, and for a moment I think they're done. But I realize it hasn't even been an hour yet. As Peeta cries and takes shallow breaths, a Peacekeeper walks over to him and asks, "What do you fear the most?" ~

I've discovered over the years that there are many things I fear. When I met Cato, losing him was added to that list. But what I fear most is so simple...Why would I tell it to these people? _Because they have your life in their hands_. _That's why._ I can think of no way they can use this against me... "I fear that...that when I die, no one will care. No one will cry. My name will be forgotten. No one will come to my funeral." I pause, shaking. "They won't even laugh. Because that would be too much acknowledgement of who I was. Nobody." ~

"I CARE!" I yell to him. He knows deep down inside that I would care. And there has to be someone else, somewhere. Somewhere in a place I'm not familiar with. "I WON'T FORGET!"

"Can you hear your boyfriend, Peeta?" They ask him. ~

It is at this moment I realize I haven't heard Cato for a while now. I glance over, and he's still there as far as I can tell. His mouth is moving. But I cannot hear his voice. I am not deaf, because I hear the whispers and the laughter. I don't understand. "N..no. No, I can't." My voice is shaking and I try to see the Peacekeeper who asked me the question, but trying to turn my neck only leads to more pain. I cringe. ~

"He's agreeing with you." They all laugh at him.

"I'M NOT!" I plead. They can't do this to him. All they want is to make him wish more and more that he was already dead. Am I not yelling loud enough? Maybe my voice has gone shot from all the screaming. Maybe I'm not saying anything at all. "YOU'RE LYING!" ~

"T..that's a lie." I manage to get out in my pain. "He would _never_." I know Cato. And I know they've done something to me so I can't hear him. But having him near is enough. ~

"I think you know it's the truth. He didn't mean any of the nice things he said to you. We had a talk with his father." Great. "He can see right through any lie. And he kindly informed us of all the _lies_ your _love_ told you." ~

I shut my eyes as if it'll stop the sound as well. "I don't want to hear what you have to say!" I yell over them. "Set me on fire again! Just stop talking!" ~

"Oh, you don't like our little talk?" I hear one of them slap him across the side of the face with the burns on it. "He said he loved you. He said he'd protect you. He said he'd follow you. Where is he now? Only in your mind?"

Real tears start coming out now. "PEETA!" ~

I scream in pain as his hand hits my face. "STOP!" I shout. "I know you're lying!" I begin to cry, the salt in the tears burning my face. "Cato is here, and you're just messing with me! I don't want to hear your voice anymore! Just_ set me on fire again, I'm begging you! I'd rather it!" _~

"Believe me, we'd love to, but if you'd rather that than this, why on Earth would we listen?" One of the Peacekeepers opens up a white bag and searches for something. "I just thought you'd like to finally hear the truth before you die."

"JUST STOP IT!" I scream and begin to kick my feet as much as possible, which isn't very much.

"He says you're nothing to him." ~

"You have no proof!" I cry and scream at once. "He would never say that! He_ loves me!" ~_

I see him get slapped again. "If he loved you, would he have lied to you all those times? And kept making you jealous on purpose? We know all about that." Finally, the man who was looking through the bag pulls out a giant syringe. "_You_ have no proof." ~

I try to take deeper breaths but end up coughing really heavily, and I see that blood had made it through there. "Stop, stop, stop!" I beg. "Anything but this!" ~

"Anything?" I see Peeta nodding his head frantically. No! If they give in to your pleas, that just means they thought of worse shit to do to you. As I'm thinking about this, the Peacekeeper who was interrogating Peeta gives the other man a thumbs up. When that happens, he digs the needle into Peeta's arm. ~

At first, though the pain is sharp, I don't feel a thing. Then the room begins shifting in front of me. I'm standing and I don't have any of my injuries. "Wh...what's going on?" Then I see Cato and I shout out to him. "Cato! Cato, it's going to be okay love! I'm going to live!" I run after him, but all he does is walk away from me. "Cato, see? I'm cured!" I hold my arms out to him, showing him me, but he doesn't even react. ~

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM?" I cry.

As if on cue, they pull the syringe out of his arm and ask him, "What about now? How does Cato make you feel?" ~

Everything hurts again. "W...why did he just walk away?" It takes times for me to register my surroundings. Cato is either too far away or completely gone again. I also realize that I am not cured, because the burning pain over my entire body had returned. "Why didn't he save me?" He was right there. We were alright. Why didn't we run together? He just...left. ~

"How does that make you feel, Lover Boy?" He asks him.

"SHUT UP!" I yell as loud as I possibly can, hoping Peeta will hear me this time. "DO NOT CALL HIM THAT!" ~

I looked for the Peacekeeper who said that. "I don't...I don't know. It doesn't seem like him." I start to cry again, confused. "Come back.." I call to no one. ~

"I'm here...I'M RIGHT HERE!" I really try hard to see what they're doing to him, but I know it has something to do with the needle they stuck him with. "PEETA, LISTEN TO ME!"

"He always thought about leaving you. Smart, that one is. He's saving his own ass." I see them walk to a table in the back to look for another form of torture. "And you thought he actually cared about you." ~

"C...Cato? No, there has to be some other explanation.." This can't be right. "You did something to make him go! One of you! His father!" I cry out. ~

"You saw it yourself. It was his own decision."

This was the last thing I wanted. He was finally starting to trust me again, and that's how he'll remember me? The one who left when he needed me most? "PEETA, TRY REALLY HARD TO LISTEN TO ME!" No one's slapping me anymore, so I assume they like to hear my anguished screams against his muffled, sobbing pleas. "I'M IN THE ROOM, PEETA!"

"He left on his own terms." ~

"No he didn't!" I shout, but it hurts to even speak from screaming and the smoke. "He wouldn't!" I try to see in the bright room, looking for Cato, but it's all too bright. I look in the direction I remember him to be. ~

"Stick him again," the main Peacekeeper orders. The one who first pulled the syringe out of the bag walks over to Peeta and sticks his other arm.

"NO!" I start sobbing. My head hurts from all the screaming and watching Peeta being destroyed like this. I don't care what he said. I don't care if he was tired of running. Staying was just a terrible idea. ~

I look over to the area where Cato was earlier as soon as the pain hits... But the chair is empty. "No!" I shout. "Bring him back!" He was there moments ago. I swear he was. "Bring Cato back!" I sob, hanging my head in defeat. ~

"He doesn't want to come back." The man says over my screams while the other is still injecting the mysterious liquid into Peeta's arm.

This is when I start thrashing in my chair, held back only by the metal braces on my ankles and wrists. "Please stop...PEETA! I NEVER LEFT YOU! I said I'd follow you here! I'm here for the long run! STOP!" ~

"Please..." I whisper, broken. "Just bring him back, please... I'll do anything... You can do anything to me.. Please, stop..." The Peacekeepers that were here have multiplied. There must be something wrong with me. "I'm begging you!" I look back to the empty chair, not knowing I'm staring right into my lover's eyes. ~

This goes on for what I'm guessing to be the next half an hour. He continues to deny everything they're saying and repeatedly shakes his head in an attempt to erase bad images from his mind. When they finally finish emptying the contents of the syringe into his bloodstream, the Peacekeeper says, "He's laughing at you, Mellark. He's glad he left."

"No I'm not." There's no point in yelling anymore. He can't hear me and he can't see me. ~

"I don't believe you." I cry, staring at my lap. "...I know you're here, love..." I whimper. "Don't worry." And through all this, I manage a smile. ~

"No he isn't!" Through my tired eyes, I can see them strike his arm with a white-hot strip of metal. ~

I think it hurt so much because I wasn't expecting it. Whatever hit me felt like it ripped the skin off of my body.. It was as hot as the fire, but in one concentrated dose. I let out a strangled shout, not even recognizing the horrific sound of my own voice. ~

His shouting just gets worse and worse with every passing minute. "Please stop..." I wipe my face on the front of my shirt and think about what he's done to deserve this. Accidentally fell in love with me. Accidentally outsmarted the Capitol by not dying in the Games. So now, they're fucking with us as much as possible. "PEETA!" This must've been the loudest of all my screams. I could tell.

The Peacekeepers laugh more and whack Peeta again on the other arm. Then, they lift the front of his shirt and brand him on the chest. ~

I feel the heat on my chest, and everything goes black for a few minutes. It spread across my body, making me feel like a heart attack and like I wanted to throw up simultaneously. The darkness was terrifying..but even worse because I knew I wasn't dead. My body just couldn't handle that more. Not now. So I blacked out. But what felt like an eternity later, I'd wake up to hell again, wishing I hadn't opened my eyes ever again. ~

"PEETA! WAKE UP!" It's like he gave up. "YOU ASSHOLES KILLED HIM! YOU'VE KILLED HIM!"

When the Peacekeeper next to me goes to slap me, I lunge forward and bite his fingers.

"I swear to god, if you try to hit me again, I will fucking kill you!"

Finally, once they stop ironing his skin, he opens his eyes and looks for me. I say, "I'm right here!" ~

"You're here!" I cry, finally seeing him. I knew Cato was here. I knew he didn't leave. "It hurts, Cato..!" I pant, looking down at the stripe on my chest. "God, it hurts..." ~

"I'm always going to be here." I remind him. "Neither of us can go anywhere."

Then, I realize the worst is yet to come. Two Peacekeepers pull out sharp objects that look similar to potato peelers and slowly carve the skin off his arms. ~

The beginning is the hardest. The blades digging into the burns on my skin is horrific. At this, I try to pull away and fail. Tears are involuntarily falling down my face as I try not to scream, because I know that's what they want. But I can't help it. This is one of the worst feelings I've ever had in my life, feeling pieces of me get shaved off, piece by piece. I try to form words to plead for them to stop, but all I can do is let out pained cries, and try to keep my eyes on Cato or my lap, not wanting the cameras to catch the horror in my face. ~

I watch as they slowly rip his skin off in small strips. "Stop doing that to him! Do it to me instead!" Of course, they won't, but I'd still rather it be done to me. It's my fault, after all. They don't do it a lot because then he'd bleed out and die, but they make sure to prolong it for about thirty minutes as I scream for him. ~

When I think they're finally finished, I turn my head to Cato and give him a weak smile and a nod... That I was still sane. Could still see him there. That even though I was hurting, I could still manage the smile he loved so. ~

No Peeta, don't smile. I know you don't want to. "I love you." I mouth to him.

And when they finally relent with the skinning, they bring in another large bucket of water. ~

"I love you, always." I mouth back. "Thank you." The pain has stopped now, but I brace myself for what's to come. I wonder how much longer I have here till I can drink something.. Or if I'll even be capable of getting out of this chair. ~

My first thought is more boiling water, but I realize that it isn't streaming like before. When I'm able to get a closer look, I see that it's ice water. I shake my head and close my eyes when they start pouring. ~

For a moment, it feels good. Then I realize how cold it is, without relieving my burns. In fact, it starts to burn. I can't feel my hands, and my eyes begin burning because I wasn't expecting a face of frozen water. When it spots pouring, I begin shivering intensely. They probably lowered the temperature in the room. Some of the water makes it down my throat and I start choking. My whole body remains completely numb, and I'm shivering more than I had been staying in fear before. ~

I want to scream but I can't. He's just sitting there, helpless and half-naked, having cold water being poured on him and his shredded skin. I don't even want to know what he looks like right now.

"Get the wires." One of them says.

I know what comes next. ~

"W-wires?" I stammer out. "W-what?" I notice the announcer has stopped talking to the cameras, and I'm terrified to know why. At least they're done tormenting me with their words. It was starting to drive me insane. I have a feeling about what the wires are for, but I hope for the best, taking a deep breath. ~

A Peacekeeper starts connecting long, thick wires to his legs, arms, and chest. I give Peeta an empty look because that's how I'll feel without him. Then, I see them give him a light shock. It's only light because they don't want him dead yet. Otherwise, I'm sure it would've been way worse. ~

I look at Cato, worried that he looks so out of it. I want to die. This is torture for us both. My heart skips a beat as a small shock makes its way through my body, and I bite my bottom lip hard enough for it to bleed. I'm shaking, but I'll be okay for now if this is all they do...which I'm sure it's not. ~

They continue to dump water on him and shock him in two minute intervals for the next hour or so. There was a part of it where I think I screamed for fifteen minutes straight but I can't remember. He just looks exhausted beyond belief and he looks like he's dead already. He might as well be. When they finish with the electric shocks, I call over to him to make sure he's still with us. There are no cannons here. "Peeta!" ~

I can't move. My entire body hurts too much. I want to close my eyes and just sleep... But I hear Cato talk to me. _One moment, love. I'm exhausted. _I say to him with my eyes before I allow them to shut and allow myself to drift into sleep. ~

A/N: Please review with honest thoughts. I promise, you'll be rewarded for sticking around and reviewing. PLEASE. xx


	32. Chapter 32

A/N: Feels. Starts with Cato's POV.

Oh god. He's dead. Or unconscious. He's slipping away. "You're killing him! This isn't right...have a goddamn fucking heart!"

I must've provoked them, because now, they're turning the knobs on the electrical box all the way up to ten. They don't soak him this time, since that would kill him for sure, but they give him an electric shock that brightens up the room. If making the room brighter was already possible.

And I wonder how much pain a human can handle before going insane. I know Peeta's strong, so I'm hoping he can outlast it and stay sane through to the end. "Peeta! Hang in longer...don't leave me." ~

I can't stop screaming.

My body is working a million times more than it should to be able to keep my heart going at a normal pace. And I don't know or think anything. I can't see anything but light, hear anything but my own screams, and feel nothing but pain And the desire to die. I don't want this hellish excuse for life. I want the numb feeling back. I do know that this must have been brought on by my need for sleep...so that's officially out of the question. How long do I have left? Six hours at least. Twelve at most. I could be insane and no time has passed at all. ~

"No sleeping, you." My father says from behind me. "You'll have plenty of time to rest after tomorrow."

Three or four hours had to have passed already. God, I hope so. I don't want him to go through this anymore. I wish for the next session, they would just torture me instead. Peeta's screams of agony are too much to handle. Peeta...he was right. I'm not a bad guy. The Capitol is the bad guy. Every single one of those assholes in the Capitol is a bad guy.

Coming from a boy who has been on the Capitol's lap his entire life. But not anymore.

This entire time I've been screaming when I should have been thinking of a way to get him out. I have to get him out. I don't care what he wants or doesn't want-we're running the second we escape.

They finally decide to give him a one minute break from the pain so that they could decide what to do next. ~

Is it over? Did I die and I'm just dreaming that the pain has finally ceased?

No, death would be a blessing at this point. A sweet relief.

I don't know why there aren't a million Peacekeepers around me, or why the electricity is gone... But I take the time to breathe. My eyes wander over to Cato, who isn't looking at me at this point. He's staring off into space, in some other world. Some place where neither of us are in pain, I bet. I wish we could be there rather than here.

I want to say something, but I don't know what. "...Are you okay?"

Coming from the kid whose body was just racked with volts and volts of electricity, that sounds really stupid. ~

I shake my head. "If you're not, then I'm not."

He's definitely not. His face is swollen with cuts, every inch of his body is burned a deep red, and there are parts of him with peeled skin hanging off. At this point, I just want him to be dead.

Once again, I try to remove my limbs from the restraints, but I'd have to at least break a few bones, if not completely cut them off. But if I did that, I wouldn't be able to save him. I can't run without feet.

All I'm able to do is spit at the Peacekeeper next to me. He doesn't seem amused at my action, though. How I wish my dad was within spitting distance.

Then I see a Peacekeeper on the other end of the room pull out another syringe. _Not that shit again_! ~

I shake my head. "I suppose you're not, then." I try not to let tears fall from my face...my entire body feels like it's on fire. I see Cato's eyes look behind me, and I realize they're coming back. So much for the break. ~

The one with the needle stands next to Peeta and says, "Mr. Mellark, we haven't really heard much from you this entire time."

"You're not allowed to talk to him!" I shout. "Not someone like you!"

Ignored. "Care to talk to us?" He holds up the item in his hand as a warning. ~

"Well," I laugh quietly. "You haven't spoken to me much either-or given me time to talk." I can't see what he has in his hand yet, but I figure I'll get as many little quips out as I can. Especially since I have only about 24 hours left. ~

Goddamn it, Peeta.

The Peacekeeper waves the needle in front of his face and slaps him. "One more comment like that, and you'll get a little taste of your _favorite_ medicine." I have to say, Peeta still manages to be sweet and adorable even as he's being tortured to death. "Now, what was your answer?" ~

Well, that was stupid. My eyes widen at the sight of the needle. I don't remember that.. But I have to reason that it's what made Cato disappear before. I can't deal with that again. "I-I... What do you want me to say?" I manage to get out. ~

"We're just going to ask you a few questions, that's all...and if you cooperate, you may never get this again." _May_ never get it again. "Got it?" ~

I nod rapidly. Any chance of never living that hell again was worth it, no matter how slim. ~

"First...would you like to tell all of our lovely viewers out there why you're here? I know we've already said it, but I think it'd be nice to hear your side of the story." ~

"I...thought I was dead in the Games. But...I made it out. Without winning." I say. "And...I knew the Capitol would kill me if they knew I lived, so...so I ran. By my own choice. But they found me anyway..." I relived the horrific moment when Cato's father pointed out where I was hiding. "And now..." I was saying this to try and convince myself, not only to add to the story. "I'm going to die. Like I should have months ago." ~

"By your own choice..." the interrogator repeats, "and you thought you'd be able to escape the Capitol?"

He's not going to die. He shouldn't have died months ago. I really did want him to win the Games. He's the only pure person in this world, and they can't take that away. I can't let them do that. "You Capitol people are like broken records. Say something new for once!" I, on the other hand, can make as many witty comments as I'd like, since my punishment is to live. I can only imagine what my future will end up like. Maybe I'll be locked in a room and be forced to watch replays of the 74th Annual Hunger Games and the Victory Tour and Peeta's torture and death for the rest of my life.

"You thought you'd be safe...where were you again?" ~

"For three months, I traveled from District to District... I've seen all of them, except for One." I continue on. "District One, that is. Then..." I look to Cato. "I stayed at a home in Victor's Village in District Two." ~

All, or most, of the cameras are on me now. The only thing I do is nod-they didn't ask for my opinion on anything yet, so I might as well keep my mouth shut.

"You two _lived_ together?" They all raise their eyebrows and laugh at us. "And how did living there make you feel? Did you finally feel like you had a purpose in life?" ~

Well, they'd definitely done their research.. That hit a sore spot. I avoid eye contact. "We...did." I admit. "It made me feel happy..Probably the happiest two months of my life." I say. "I don't know if there's much more to it." ~

"And mine." I say casually. "Best sleep I've had my entire life, with him there. Also, the best _non-sleep_, if you know what I mean." I'm forced to shut up when my guard kicks me in the shins. "Fine, I'll stay quiet."

"How _sickeningly sweet_." My father interjects. _Just leave_, I think to myself. "Now, Peeta, would you like to tell us _how_ exactly you didn't die in the arena? So that nobody makes the same mistake next time." ~

I laugh at first at what Cato says, before realizing we'll never_ actually_ have that. I stop smiling then. "Berries." I respond. "They looked like nightlock, but..they weren't. More ovular. I ate one, and...well, everything went black. I discovered later that it stopped my heart, and reduced my body temperature to the point where the sensors thought I was dead." I say flatly. ~

They stare at him for a few seconds before they start laughing their asses off. "Berries. That the Capitol didn't know about? Tell the truth!" ~

"I'm serious!" I insist. "I thought I was dead...then I woke up in a coffin moments before my own wake in District 12!" I sigh. "Do you really think I'm capable of finding a way out of there on purpose?" ~

"No." One of them says, and the others agree and call Peeta too dumb to figure a way out. Too dumb to figure anything out. "And what would you like to say to your boyfriend?"

My head turns to Peeta at the same time he turns to me. I look at him and frown. ~

"...That I don't regret anything." I lock eyes with him. "That, no matter what happens, I'll love you. Unconditionally." With every sentence, it gets harder to speak, for I feel as if this is the last chance I'll get this much time to speak to him. "That you're _really_ not a bad guy." I crack a smile. "That, when you get home, you'd better eat that goddamn cake I slaved for hours over." I blink once to prevent the tears from falling that live in my eyes. "That I'm glad we met." Oh god, they're coming. "That I'll miss you more than anything...And.." The tears fall. "That I'll see you soon, love." ~

"Peeta, don't cry," I say, forever holding back my own tears. As they stick the long needle into his arm and begin injecting the liquid again, I go on. "I told you I liked your face when you smile. I know you said other people didn't, but please...stop giving them what they want and give me what _I_ want. What you want." He bites his bottom lip from the sudden pain of the syringe poking through his skin. "I'll miss you too. It won't be long for you...not much longer..." I wish we had longer. "You're not so bad yourself." ~

I don't know if he says anything after that.. Because all that fills my ears is a high pitched screech. I try to cover my ears, but realize that I had forgotten about the metal, and yell out as it cuts open my wrists. "O...oh." I look down at my hands and back to Cato. "Do you hear that?" I still haven't quite figured out what they're putting in me...but I know that it is responsible for this. "Does anyone hear that?" ~

"No, Peeta...it's just you. Can you hear me?" I'm getting worried now. Unlike before, they're injecting this shit non-stop. I see the blood coming out of his wrists as he tries to move them, and then I start wondering how much blood he's lost already. The Peacekeepers don't say anything-they just smile and continue putting him through hell. At this point, I think it's only an hour or so to go until he gets to take a break...then he endures another six hours of god knows what. "Peeta, you're out of it. Can you hear me?" ~

I don't know what he's saying. "It's...it's so loud. High pitched...I can't even hear my own voice. I can't hear anything." Then, black starts to fade into my eyes. "I can't see." I try to stay calm. ~

They empty the tube faster and faster until the one who stuck him says, "Sweet dreams."

I know all too well that they wouldn't just...put him to sleep like that. There's something funky in that poison that's screwing up reality for him. They want me to watch Peeta scream through his nightmares. "Peeta, try harder to stay awake!" ~

The whining continues until everything goes black. Then, there's nothing. No noise, no room, no Cato. Only darkness. I'm...conscious in my sleep? Conscious in unconsciousness? I can move... But I'm definitely not awake. ~

"No!" I lunge forward, creating deep cuts in my wrists. Fuck. "What are you doing to him?" I look at his bruised, bloody, burned, and shredded body for signs of movement, but it's hard to tell. "Did you just kill him?"

"Peeta Mellark won't die until sundown tomorrow." They say to me. "We're just..._numbing_ his pain." This thing is giving him hallucinations...that's what he was saying before! He kept saying some nonsense about me not being here, but I was. They're trying to make it happen again.

"Wake up!" I plead. "Don't sleep!" ~

Then, I'm in the room again. But there's no one there but Cato. But he won't even look at me. "Cato?" I say aloud. "Why won't you look at me?" I try to grab at his braces. "We have to go. They're not here." ~

I'm screaming at him but nothing's happening. He can't hear me. "PEETA!"

"He can't hear you!" My father's voice says as he smacks the back of my head. "You see what you two have done? You brought this upon yourself! And there's more to come, so don't you worry."

"No!" I turn my head in both directions to try to find him, but he's directly behind me. "You guys are just pissed off because Peeta discovered a _fault in your perfect Capitol_!"

Suddenly, I feel a searing pain on my back. And I know for sure it wasn't another slap of the hand. It was hot and quick and it made me scream in agony. Of course, they said they wouldn't kill me. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't be tortured!

"You said you'd rather yourself get it than him." I look back at Peeta, who's lying there helpless and barely moving. "So we compromised." ~

"Cato? I know you can hear me...this must be them again." I push his shoulder. "Come on, wake up! We can get out of here! You and me!" ~

"Ow!" I scream. I've been whacked about five times with the hot iron but it feels like I've been thrown into the sun. "How about another compromise?"

My father, who has taken the opportunity to abuse me himself, walks in front of me. I hadn't seen him in hours, so I forgot how scary he looked when he was angry. "What kind of compromise?"

"You torture me, and kill me, and you let Peeta live his life back in District Twelve as if this never happened." I think for a moment. "If you don't kill me, you'll have to live with my sorry ass around the house for the rest of forever. Wouldn't you rather just kill me?"

"You know your lover wouldn't stand for that, Cato." He lashes out on me again, across my face this time. "He's a rebel and that's how rebels are punished."

"And I noticed there's a fine line between rebels and traitors. So what would be the difference?" I clench my teeth to hold back the pain. "They're the same thing. Just like me and Peeta are the same. Really, it would be better if you did away with me instead." ~

All I hope is that he can hear me. "Cato...Cato, you have to come with me. We have to go. We can't stay here. They'll kill me...and if I leave you, they'll probably kill you, or hurt you, I just... I could never live with myself if anything were to happen to you. My time was up months ago. You have plenty of time to spare. Come with me.." I beg. But he does nothing. ~

He finally stops abusing me long enough for my screams to die down, and I can hear Peeta mumbling something. "You can hear me? What are you saying?" I ask him.

"He isn't talking to you!" Then I'm hit on the other side of my face to mirror the first burn. "Now, you listen to me. You _won't_ be dying. There is no other compromise. This is as much as you'll get."

"PEETA! What are you saying?" I call to the other side of the room, ignoring the man towering in front of me. ~

"Why do you have that blank look on your face? You...you have to help me get these braces off of you! Mine are gone, see?" I feel jolts of pain in my wrists when I lift my arms to show him my freed hands, but can't tell why. My whole body is unscathed. "Come on, love...! Please, I can't let them hurt you! Let's go!" ~

"Peeta, your braces are still on..." The braces that are digging into his skin more and more. He's going insane. "Stop moving! You're hurting yourself!" After this, I get the iron flat to the face. It burns my lips and my nose, the latter of which I can't move without it hurting and I'm debating whether it's broken or not. I can taste the blood from it on my tongue as it trickles out of my nose and into my mouth. I can't tell if what he's dreaming is worse than what I'm experiencing or not, but I really hope it isn't. "Peeta," I spew blood out of my mouth, "you're not thinking straight." ~

"Stop giving me that apathetic look!" I cry out to him. "You can't just stay here! Say something to me!" I begin crying. I tug at his shirt, but I don't get anything from him. "Why? Why won't you even talk to me?" ~

"I'm talking to you now!" Anger takes over my voice. "Wake up!"

"He's not waking up. But the time will come soon." Everything's coming soon. The end of the first six hours of torture. The next six hours. His final sleep. And then he dies. "Only another...thirty or so minutes."

I can definitely endure thirty minutes more of the beating. But I can't keep going on with hearing Peeta talk to no one. "I'm here for you, Peeta! Just fucking wake up!" ~

"I'm sorry if I did or said something wrong...!" I say to him. "Please, just..just acknowledge me!" I know I'm in some hellish state of mind when his braces brake open and it is Cato who's putting the match to me. _Wake up. This is a horrible dream._ I shout in anguish, because as fake as the flames are, they feel so real. Especially on this clean, new, healthy skin. ~

"You could never do anything wrong...Please wake up!" I continue screaming for him as the clear spots on my skin are branded by an iron. "Goddamnit Peeta you need to hear me now! I'm here! And I love you..." ~

Suddenly, everything is quiet. I thought I'd heard something. The dream room around me begin to fade as I tried to fight through it. "W..what?" I call out to _anyone_. I want to be back in reality. No matter how much it hurt. ~

"Peeta!" I'm sure my body doesn't look as bad as his, but I know he's still in for a shock when he wakes up. If he wakes up. "A-are you awake? Please tell me you can hear me..." ~

I hear a voice...But it's fuzzy. The words are clear, but my head is pounding and the voice becomes unrecognizable. "I can hear." That's all I get out. ~

"You can?" When I look up from my feet, the whole room is spinning. I hadn't realized that the blood was still pouring out of my nose, so I catch some in my mouth again. And I finally get my wish. I spit the blood out onto my dad's white uniform and brace myself for another attack. He won't even talk to me anymore-the hot iron must be satisfying enough. "Peeta...I'm here. I love you..." ~

"Cato? ..Please, please tell me that's you." My hearing has come back to a somewhat normal state, but my vision has not changed from the blackness that I see. "I love you, too!" I say, hoping more than anything that's him. ~

From what I'm able to see, a Peacekeeper punches him in the stomach. Well, that was a rude awakening. "Yes, Peeta, it's me. It wouldn't be anyone but me." I tell him. "Don't look at me..." He can't see what happened while he was out. ~

My eyes snap open, and the first thing I do-out of instinct-is look towards Cato.

But once more, all I see is darkness.

"D...Did someone turn out the lights?" I stammer out. Because I know my eyes are open. But I can't see a thing. ~

I sigh. "No, the lights are on. The cameras need the light." It's still incredibly bright in here and I'm glad I was finally able to adjust to the light. Seeing Peeta in front of me, no matter how grotesque his burns and cuts are, is the only thing keeping me sane right now. But apparently, he can't see me. "You'll be fine soon." ~

The darkness is terrifying. I don't know who's near me, or what's going on around me at all. I can hear little things, and I can hear Cato's voice. "H..how much longer?" ~

"Until what?" I ask, with the tears finally coming out. It's been long enough. "Twenty more minutes of this...only a little less than a day until...you're gone." ~

Twenty minutes to stay sane through before I can get a break and...I want to ask if I see Cato on my break, but I know it could get me seriously hurt. Less than a day until I'm dead. At least the pain's stopped for now.

"Don't you dare cry.." I whisper. "You've got to be strong." ~

"I can't help it!" I've reached my pain threshold so I'm pretty sure I can't be strong anymore. I still have trouble trying to figure out how Peeta made it through the fire, the burns, the water, the shocks...and I remind myself that he was stronger than he ever thought he was. And he still is. "Everything hurts..." He can't see it all and it's likely that he didn't hear what was happening. ~

"What do you mean...?" I say to him. How long was I out? What happened while I was out? "Cato..." ~

"I mean that I can't stand seeing you like this." Another quick iron to the arm. I bite my bottom lip as hard as I can as to not let the pain make me yelp. "Don't worry about me." ~

"I'll always worry.." I say. Only twenty minutes. Then they release the braces and open a door, and I can sit for ten minutes without fear..and then back here for another six hours. "Hey, it could have been worse." I try to sound optimistic. "This could've happened during the Games. Then the torture would've been a lot longer." ~

The pain would've been less concentrated in the Games, but I won't tell him that. He seems slightly hopeful and I don't want to ruin it.

"Look at him." One Peacekeeper says to Peeta, nudging him to get his attention. ~

_I would be if I could! _"I'm trying.." I insist. "But all I see is darkness." ~

"Try harder, you piece of shit!" He yells, giving Peeta a sharp slap to the face. "How about now?"

"Don't." I tell him. Just after I say this, the hot metal collides with the back of my head. "Ow!" ~

"What're you doing to him?" I try as best I can, but everything is just black. Completely dark. "I'm trying!" ~

My head is throbbing and I can smell singed hair on the back. "Nothing." I know they wanted him to wake up to this. "I'm fine, really. Just rest-" Quicker than I can ever imagine, the Peacekeeper next to me bends my right index finger back until it cracks. "Oh god!" The pain is unbearable at this point. ~

"Stop!" It's much worse not knowing what they're doing to him. "Please stop!" I cry out, pulling painfully against my restraints. ~

"Stop moving! You're hurting yourself!" Ten more minutes of hell. About twenty minutes until part two of hell. I'm wondering if they changed their minds about killing him tomorrow. Maybe they'll just kill him today. "Peeta, calm down." ~

"I can't!" I'm beginning to get frantic. "I'm in so much pain, I don't know anything that's happening, I have hours more of hell, and then I'm going to die!" I shout out. "It's hard to be calm...!" I start to cry, but it becomes too painful on the burns and my eyes stop leaking. ~

"Please, listen to me! Don't think that way. Don't-" Suddenly, a large piece of tape is covering my mouth. Then, I feel my index finger on my other hand crack the same way. I scream as much as I can through the tape. ~

"Cato!" I shout. "Please stop hurting him! He did nothing wrong! He didn't ask me to hide at his home, he didn't ask for any of this!" I plead to the darkness. "This isn't his fault, it's mine!" ~

_No it isn't! It's not your fault!_ I try yelling to him. All I can get out are muffled screams and cries as I'm struck again on the face.

"If I'm not mistaken," my father says to him, "he invited you to stay at our house. Which qualifies as asking you to hide there, does it not?" ~

"No! Because it was stay there or get killed! It was fear... I didn't want to die then. I didn't realize the consequences all this would have over some silly mistake!" ~

_I begged you to stay! Don't blame yourself!_

"You can't escape the Capitol, Mr. Mellark."

But we can...if we had time, we could've went. If he wasn't tired of running, we could've been in the next District by now. _Peeta, stop blaming yourself! ~_

"Well...I get that now." I say sadly. "But I wasn't trying to escape, or rebel or defy or anything..I was just afraid to die." ~

"You should've been prepared to die in the arena." My father says. "Five minutes. Can you see yet?"

_Please don't look at me_, I mumble. I'm probably horrendous now. ~

"...No." I whisper. Is this what they put in me? Am I blind? Oh god. "Nothing." ~

They take out another bucket of boiling water and pour it over his head. "Speak louder." ~

"I can't see!" I scream. Oh god, that hurts. ~

_Peeta!_ I start licking at the tape to loosen it.

"Apologize to the Capitol for your wrongdoing." ~

"I'm sorry!" I sob. "I am!" ~

"Apologize to my son."

By this point, the tape is a little bit looser but I have to push it with my tongue to rip it off the bottom lip. "Peeta!" ~

"I'm...I'm sorry, Cato." I whisper. I'm sorry for bringing this on him. For ruining our last hours together with a fight. For starting this by falling for him, and making him fall back. ~

"Don't be sorry, you didn't do_ anything _wrong." I think it must be a minute or two left until we can finally leave, but I don't know what happens after that.

"Try harder to see." ~

"How am I supposed to _try_ to see?" My eyes are open. It's not my fault everything is dark. "I just..woke up like this." ~

Just as my dad is about to say something else, a buzzer sounds and Peacekeepers come and unlock the braces on my wrists and ankles. Does this mean it's halfway through? Some of them start to leave, so does this mean I get Peeta to myself? ~

A/N: Long chapter is long. Please review. I really do like hearing what you all have to say.


	33. Chapter 33

A/N: I'm going to upload some chapters now. Because you deserve them and I hate seeing you all cry and as President Snow said A LITTLE HOPE IS GOOD (Starts Peeta's POV)

The buzzer scares me to death, but that has to mean I have ten minutes. I feel the braces on my wrists and ankles open, and immediately go to stand...and I feel like my legs aren't even there. I slam face first into the ground, _hard_. ~

"Peeta!" I'm finally free after six hours of sitting almost completely still, so it hurts to move everything, but I run to him anyway. Everybody else is gone now, so he's all mine. "Peeta, I'm right next to you. Please be okay..." ~

"...Hi." I smile weakly and feel around for his hand, trying to grab it. "I'm so broken, love." I can't see, can't stand... I'm pathetic. But he's still here. ~

He reaches out, trying to find my hand, so I take it. "You can't see anything? Not even me?" I look at our hands, stained with each other's blood. ~

"Not a thing... Only black. As if I was covering my eyes." I whisper. "I think it's what they injected into me." I pause, thinking about all of this. "Will I never get to see you again?" ~

"I think it's best that you don't." I sigh. "I took a beating while you were out." ~

"No..." I take my other hand up to feel his face softly with my own burned fingers. "Why?...I didn't want you to get hurt." My voice cracks. ~

"So that they'd stop hurting you." I pick up his head with my hands carefully, because I'm pretty sure my index fingers are broken. "I know you didn't want me to get hurt...but you needed a break." ~

"I'm going to die soon, love... That doesn't matter. I just care about you." I don't want to know what they did to him. I hate them. "We only have a little time left... I must be a sight." I smile sadly. ~

"You won't die, Peeta...I'll get you out." I don't know how I will do it, but I have to get him out. Even if it costs me my life. After all, I'm a rebel now, and they get punished with death. "I won't let you die." I bend down and give him one of the last kisses that we may ever have. ~

I smile immediately as he kisses me. "I love your optimism..." I say to him. "I can't see or walk, love. I'm sprawled here on the ground because I couldn't even get out of the chair." I let our lips meet again. "I'm going to die tomorrow." ~

"Goddamn it, Peeta, you're ruining the moment." I laugh. "You won't die tomorrow, and you won't die today. I'll think of a way...you'll get better. If you can't run, I'll carry you." ~

"Well, I hope I live to experience that." I laugh too. He's the only one who could make me laugh at a time like this. "Just... If it does happen, don't be in such denial about it that we don't get to say goodbye." ~

"But I can't say goodbye." I pull him onto my lap and stroke his head. "Well...when will you get to see me?" ~

"I wish I knew.." I don't care what there is to see. I just want to see again. "If tomorrow's the end, I want to at least see you one more time. No matter what you look like." ~

"I don't look as bad as you." I pause. "No offense." My face is probably worse than his, but overall, he looks like he was put into a meat grinder. "You're still the sexiest guy I've ever seen." ~

"We said no more lies, didn't we?" I joked. "Thank you." ~

"Your smile is still the brightest thing in this room." Maybe four or five minutes have passed, so we're officially at the halfway point. "Speaking of no more lies...there's something I need to tell you." ~

I don't know if I want to hear this or not...but I've got to. "...Okay. Shoot." I say, seemingly unfazed. ~

"I _will_ get you out." I kiss the top of his head. "It's a promise." ~

I swallow hard. "I..Okay." I want to believe him. Especially because he knows how much promises mean to me. "I can't really hold you to it.." I laugh. "But...I hope you keep it." ~

I hope I keep it too. "I will. You're the most important thing in this room-in the entire world." I say to him. "I'm telling you this because you gave me hope." ~

"And you're giving some to me." I smile. "I...the thought of that will help me through the next six hours." ~

"Do you remember when we were talking in the arena the first night, and I said I didn't think I'd ever find love? And I thought it was pointless?" Everything's flooding back to me now, when I need to speak to him the most. "You came along and changed that. I've been so...misguided my entire life." I didn't even want to think about the next six hours for him-how it could possibly be worse than the first six, I have no idea. "And you needed that hope. With how your childhood was..." He just stares at me with a smile on his face. "It's weird seeing you looking at me...when I know you can't actually see me." ~

"I just... I just knew you were worth it. How could I love someone who wasn't capable of love? You were just stubborn." I smile. "I'm glad I made it through your walls." When he says that last part, I start to reface reality. "It...must be odd. At least I've got the general direction right. I could be smiling at a wall for all I know." ~

"Well...it's kinda directed more towards the ceiling, but you're close enough." I laugh. "You're swollen everywhere...does it hurt? Is it numb? Is there any way I can fix you within the next three minutes?" ~

I focus my gaze a little bit lower. "Better?" I smile. "It all hurts... Except my feet. They're just numb. You can kiss me. I think that would help." ~

"Are you _begging_?" I lean forward and kiss him anyway as to not waste our short little time together. It lasts about twenty seconds because I know how much we both need it to stay sane for as long as we can. Which might not be very long. "Better?" ~

"So much better." I feel and wrap my arms around him, wincing a bit at the pain...but it was worth it. "Please, don't let them hurt you in place of me again. Make them hurt me. They won't kill me...if we're going to escape, one of us has to be in good condition." I whisper into his ear. ~

So he does have hope. He's hoping that we'll be able to escape this place. The truth is, I really don't even know where we are. It's somewhere in the Capitol, but it's impossible for me to guess where. I can probably figure a way out, though. With my father being a Head Peacekeeper, I know more about the inner workings of the Capitol than I should. "No matter what they do to me, I'll be fine. If I think you need a break...I'll convince them to hurt me a little bit. It won't be easy, because they know I'd want that, but it could work. I was just tired of seeing you get so physically _and_ emotionally abused when the most I ever got was a slap to the face." He shakes his head, but I persist. "Honestly, Peeta...I know you don't like that idea, but like you said, I'm stubborn. I'm not giving in to you that easily." ~

"But...if they hurt you, how are you going to carry me?" I pout jokingly. "Please don't... Please. If I ask you _anything_, it's this." ~

"No. I hate saying this to you, but I have to do it, okay? Not right away...but if you look exhausted, I'd do anything to get them to do it to me instead. I hate seeing you like that...and you can't even see me, so it wouldn't matter if it happened to me." I pull him in for a hug. "If I ask _you_ anything, it's this." ~

"That's not fair." I mutter. "I asked first." I sigh. "Besides, while I was out, I have having a horrible dream...I'd rather the torture than what I had there." ~

"Is that what you were going on about? You were having a bad dream? What happened...?" ~

"I was talking out loud...?" That must've been odd, to say the least. "I..was free. And uninjured. But you were still there, locked up. I ran over to try and get you to leave with me, but you wouldn't talk to me. You wouldn't even look at me...Even when I tugged at you or yelled, you did nothing. Until around the end, when your braces fell off on their own and you..." I couldn't finish the sentence. I knew the nightmare was induced by the Capitol when that part of the dream came up. Because that was beyond a worst fear. That was an impossible horror. ~

"And I what?" I ask. "What happened at the end?" ~

"...You put a match to me." I whispered. "Then I fought all I could to wake up. Because I knew it was something horrific concocted by the Capitol. I don't know what they put in me, but it's hell." ~

"Oh my god." I carefully pull him onto my lap even more and don't let him go. "Peeta, I would never do that to you ever...remember that. No matter what shit they put in you...try to remember that. I love you." ~

"I love you, too. I know you wouldn't...I just don't want to have to see that." I whisper. "To be honest, I don't care what you look like now...I just want to see you again because that's the last image I have of you in my head." ~

"You'll see me soon. I can feel it." I think it's less than a minute now. I can hear their footsteps at the very end of the hallway. "Try to picture the real me instead. Just try it. And stay strong for me. I think they're starting to come back now. I don't know where they'll put us after this, but I know it won't be the same room, so I'll look for you. I have all night and tomorrow morning to get you out." I don't dare say that _we'll_ make it out because I'm only concerned with Peeta escaping. ~

I nod quickly before speaking. "Now just kiss me. One last time. Until they take you away..." I smile just a little. "_Now_, I'm begging you." ~

I'm just glad that he begged before I had to. I kiss him for what feels like forever all over the place. The very last place I kiss him on is the lips, and this is when the doors open. For the moment, I ignore that fact and continue to make out with him, slipping tongue in here and there. I can feel everybody in the room staring at us, and several of the Peacekeepers try to get our attention by clearing their throats. Rolling my eyes, I pull away from Peeta and ruffle his hair. "I don't know if you noticed, but your blonde sex hair is starting to come back." ~

"Bet you were relieved about that." They're almost all back, but neither of us care. They'll do what they will, and us making out isn't going to change anything. If it makes the torture worse, we won't know-because we don't know what it would've been if we stopped. But I'd rather take the risk at this point. ~

"Are you two finished?" My dad says.

"Not really." I go to kiss Peeta again, but I get lifted by the back of my shirt and put back in my chair. It takes three other Peacekeepers to hold me down while the braces are locked around my ankles and wrists. "You guys don't need to be so assertive with this, geez." I look to Peeta with a smile on my face and I see them standing him up, but it takes someone else to hold him up completely. They don't put him back in the chair, though. Instead, they lay him on a table and lock his limbs to that. ~

This was not how I was before. The sudden change in position scares me. The lack of sight is really what makes it horrible. If I could see, at least this angle would allow me to see most of what's causing my pain. Now, I have no vantage point. "..Six hours?" ~

"Six hours," one of them confirms.

"Oh no..." I start, "What are you going to do to him?"

"We're going to try some new methods." My father says as he walks over to the rest of the men in the room. He's most likely asking them what they want done first. I look all over the room-at the walls, the floor, the ceiling-at least they don't have a pendulum to swing at him. Although, I still wonder what could possibly be better with him lying down. ~

A/N: See? A little hope. PLEASE REVIEW. I promise, you'll be rewarded. PROMISE. We said no lies, remember? ;D xx


	34. Chapter 34

A/N: Here's the second chapter for today. Maybe I'll give you all one more. I dunno yet. But lemme know what you're thinking. (Starts in Peeta's POV.)

All this time not being able to see, I've completely forgotten about the cameras and the host that are here. I then wonder if we were being taped during the break. What if they all know we're going to try and escape, and they'll be waiting outside to shoot us down? I don't want to think about it, but it's a deep-albeit, horrible-distraction from the torture I'm about to face. ~

At first, I hear them saying something about rats, but someone says that's out of the question because they're so vicious that they'd eat out his intestines. And as we know, we can't have Peeta die here.

"Peeta, I'm over here, okay?" I say to him. ~

"O..Okay." I respond. Hearing the sound of his voice is comforting. "You're staying, right?" I have to confirm after the mental breakdown I had earlier in the day. My heart is pounding in anticipation. ~

I sigh. "Til the end."

Then, I hear one of them mention spikes, and the others nod in agreement. Without saying another word, one pushes a button on the wall. I don't immediately see what the button does, but then I notice several tiny spikes starting to poke out from inside the table. The spikes aren't near his head, but I can see them around him. It isn't until I hear the scream that I realize the points are underneath him, too. ~

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if basically my entire outer layer of skin hadn't been burned off.

But it was, and there were spikes _everywhere_, poking into my raw flesh. The pain spread out across my entire body. I let out a scream, because it's just what feels natural to do. I won't stop anything or pretend this time. I'm feeling what I feel. My whole self just hurts. It's impossible to describe aside from just sheer pain. I'm sure each small spot is bleeding by now, because my head starts to hurt a little. Not because I've lost a lot of blood, but just from some. It's always happened, even with papercuts. It's probably pouring from my back onto the table. I can smell it, now. ~

I don't even call out to him this time. Maybe if we don't give them the response they want, they'll pick something else to do to him. This goes on for maybe five minutes until the Peacekeeper pushes the button again and the spikes start retracting into the table. I sit and think that maybe they'll reuse the spikes again later. It seems like too good of a form of torture to only use for a few minutes. So, they take out a few knives and put them near Peeta's face.

"This," I dad says, "will ensure that you can't use those lips again." One of them starts to carve into the edge of Peeta's lips. ~

As soon as I hear Cato's father so close to me, I know it's bad. And suddenly, a searing pain in the side of my mouth took over. I screamed and shook my head as much as I could, trying to get the sharp object away from my mouth...but it only made things worse, my thrashing. ~

"Peeta, stop moving so much!" I yell at him. The more he moves, the worse his cuts will end up being.

They're already preparing what to do to him next. Actually, there's a whole line of items waiting to be used in his torture. I see a whip, but it just seems too simple that I don't expect them to use that at all. When they finally finish cutting him up, they step away and push another button that raises the sides on the table. ~

I cry tears I didn't think still remained in my body. I cannot scream. It hurts too much to make noises other than sobs. I hear a very quiet buzzing noise, and suddenly feel so secluded from everyone else. ~

It stops just above his head. All of the sides are clear, so I can still see him, but I still wonder what they could possibly be doing now. Then, the container that he's in starts to fill with water.

"We decided that this might be a better way," my dad says, laughing. "It was very tedious to pour water on you constantly, so we'll let you thrash in it this time."

The container fills nearly to the top with water, where Peeta has to pick up his head if he wants to breathe. ~

My neck is still burned and scathed to an intense degree, so it was already painful to even try to lift my head. I'd often fall into the pool of water, only to come sputtering out moments later. It was work with this process or die. Twenty minutes ago, I would've let myself drown. But now, I have hope. I told Cato I'd make it through this so we could escape together. So make it, I will. ~

"Send the shocks." No, _no_, not more of those. He's literally bathing in water now. They'd fry him to a crisp if they don't do anything light. Especially since he's missing some of his skin, and whatever skin he has is burned. I watch as he constantly comes up for air, which tells me that he's really trying. I gave him hope. ~

I can't hear what they're saying, but I don't want to know. I just have to focus on breathing now. If I'm not breathing, I'm not alive. And something tells me that, even though they're heart set on killing me tomorrow, they're not going to make an effort to bring me back if I die today. ~

I think the system they have now is more efficient because all they have to do is put the wires in the water and turn the shock machine on. When they push the button, I scream for Peeta to stay alive. ~

Of course, the moment they turn the machine on, my head is under the water. Everything is light for a moment, and I hear a plead for me to live.

There is nothing.

Then, I am underwater for a bit of time before pushing my head out of the water and staring at what seems to be the ceiling.

Wait.

I can see the ceiling. ~

He's lucky that he keeps coming up for air, because if he didn't, I'm sure they'd do something to make sure he lives through this. They'd be disappointed if they didn't get to spend the next six hours torturing him to death.

They don't spend a lot of time electrocuting him since he'll die with any more shocks. So, they disconnect the machine and pour what I'm assuming to be an acid into the water, which evaporated enough from the heat of the electricity for Peeta to lay his head down but still be able to breathe. ~

The shocks stop for some time, and I can finally take a breath.. Until I feel my back burning. Everything is burning. I feel like my body is being dissolved from my bones. It hurts to do anything. Even breathe. But I scream. I scream because it hurts, and I scream because it hurts to scream. I shut my eyes, because I've just gotten my sight back. I don't want to lose it again. ~

"Peeta!" They stop with the acid and it seems diluted enough that it won't make his skin disintegrate, but they just leave him lying in it. He continues screaming for next hour and that's what makes me regret telling him I'll get him out alive. Right now I just want him to die. "Peeta!" ~

The pain goes on for what feels like forever. Then, the liquid drains and I'm lying there, shaking. I feel raw, like I was sunburnt and left on hot concrete. I let tears drop down my face. He's yelling my name, but I cannot yell. Only let my voice crack out. "Cato..." I get out, so he knows I'm still alive. ~

"Don't cry." I say to him. "Can you see me? You said you wanted to see me one more time." ~

I nod slowly and turn my head. "Don't you.." I laugh weakly. "You made it sound like you were a lot worse. You're still hot." I give my trademark smile. ~

"You're still a midget." I laugh and start thinking that he might be insane. How can he be so calm through all this?

They bring out some odd contraption that towers over Peeta's face. It doesn't look very harmful-then again, I don't know what it is. He just turns and stares at it.

Then, the first water droplet hits his face. ~

"Huh...?" I just look up at the machine. "What is this?" It's not even really cold or warm persay. It just...drips. Over and over on my forehead. If this is all, I can just sit and talk to Cato...that would be nice. ~

"What is happening?" They're not doing anything to him...they're just letting water drip on him. I might as well try talking. "Hey, Peeta." ~

"Hi." There has to be something more to this. A trick has to be somewhere. "So, how do I look now?" I smirk. ~

"Pathetic." I laugh. "Water is the most lethal of all droplets." ~

"Absolutely!" I laugh back and glance over to where the Peacekeepers and Cato's father stand. The latter is smiling, but I don't know why. ~

"I don't know how you'll ever make it through this." I roll my eyes.

Five minutes pass and the water is still falling onto his face. The dripping is starting to get really annoying and I'm wondering what exactly the point of this is. ~

"I might just die." I mockingly stick my tongue out, shut my eyes and play dead. My hair is soaked by this point and I shake my head to dry it off like a puppy. ~

"No more talking. No moving," my dad says.

"And if I talk?" My question is answered with that damned hot iron to my left arm. "Point taken." ~

"Cato?" I call, turning and looking to him and seeing he got hit. "Why?" ~

They lay the iron on his feet. "No moving." ~

"Oh god..!" I clench my teeth. "Got it. No moving." I go back and stare at the ceiling. Drip, drip, drip. ~

This goes on for the next hour or so. In complete silence, almost. Nothing but drip, drip, drip. If I'm going crazy from this, I can't imagine Peeta. ~

After all this time, I'm starting to not be able to think straight. All I know is that the dripping is insane. Oh god. Oh god. I'm starting not to remember why I'm here. My head is pounding. I'm so hungry. So hungry. I need water..but not this water. This is insane. What_ is_ insane? Am I insane? I'm insane. ~

Another hour passes by and I'm still listening to the dripping. Am I even alive right now? "Peeta?" Then a pain in my right arm. I'll shut up. ~

What are words? I open my mouth to speak, but I don't know what to say. I don't know if I can speak. I'm pretty sure he's talking to me. I'm Peeta. Aren't I? I'm shaking. Drip. My vision is getting blurry. This is...I don't know. ~

Two more hours of it go by. I spend my time watching Peeta. Drip. He looks like he's about to cry. Please don't cry. ~

I don't know what time passed. What this is for. I'm dizzy. So dizzy. I want to scream. But I've forgotten how. Drip. My breathing is short, and I feel myself twitching. Where am I again? I don't know. Why? Why? What's my name? Peeta. That's right. Peeta Mellark. Drip. I want to die. Kill me. I'm begging you. ~

Thirty minutes down, thirty to go. Peeta must be begging for physical torture. I have no idea how I've made it through. I want to talk to him so bad.

Twenty-nine minutes. I'm counting every second. ~

It's too quiet. Am I deaf? No, I can hear my own breathing and the_ drip, drip, drip._ I don't feel anything. I am not in pain. I am not afraid or scared. I just want this to be over. Preferably by way of fire. Death by flame. How appropriate. I'm not insane. I'm perfectly normal. I'm just fine. ~

Thirteen minutes left. The Peacekeepers are laughing quietly to themselves. Peeta's tub actually filled with some water over the hours but I'm not sure if he noticed. He seems dead already. ~

By some point, the water stopped bothering me. I just didn't feel it. I won't feel a thing again until death. That's all I want at this point. I want to die. The moment I'm allowed to speak, I'll beg. Plead. Drip, drip, drip. Please, kill, me. ~

Four minutes. Four eternally long minutes. Then, Peeta will be taken away from me forever unless I think of a way to save him. I had all these hours, but the water was driving me so insane that I want to fucking die. "Peeta, I'm still here." Iron to the forehead. I just needed to break the silence. ~

I hear something...someone. It's probably just in my head. I'm crazy. I'm probably talking to myself like I am now. Hi, Peeta. How are you?

Pretty crappy, now that you're asking.

Why?

I just want to be dead.

I'm sorry, I can't help you with that.

It's alright. I'll just ask them.

Drip. ~

This, combined with his mystery injections, must be making him go mad. By watching his facial expressions, I can see that he's doing something odd within his mind. Maybe he's trying to figure out what I'm saying. Maybe he didn't even know I said something to him at all. He would've reacted if he knew I said something.

One minute. I hope I counted right. ~

Don't worry. I don't think there's much time left.

What makes you say that?

They're starting to move around. Can't you tell?

I can't register anything.

Well then.

That much closer to the end though.

That's good. I'm glad.

Yeah...me too. ~

Thirty seconds on the nonexistent clock.

This dripping has been driving me crazy for the past five hours and I need it to be over. For Peeta. Peeta, whose life I saved multiple times, so why not once more? There is no plan. It's just find his room, break in, and get him out. It won't be easy, I might not even be able to do it-but it's worth a shot. If I get caught, I'll beg Peeta to kill me somehow. Because I know the Capitol wouldn't kill me. They'd kill him, though, since he was supposed to already be dead.

Twelve seconds. Drip, drip, drip. Nine.

It's like the countdown to the beginning of the Hunger Games. Are we in the Games now?

Five. ~

Is there anyone else there besides us?

I don't think so.

Were there people there before?

I think so.

Who?

That boy.

Hm. That boy. What boy?

Your boy.

My boy?

Yes Peeta. Yours.

Oh. I don't recall.

Cato?

Right, right. Cato. ~

A/N: Any questions? Comments? Concerns? Leave'm in a review! xx


	35. Chapter 35

A/N: Here's your last chapter for the day (maybe depending on my mood). Actually, I'll probably give you another. But later tonight. STARTS CATO'S POV I KINDA LOVE THIS CHAPTER.

The dripping stops as the buzzer sounds. It's finally over. They're coming to unlock the braces now. I can't help thinking they did the water on purpose. They knew it would drive both of us crazy, so crazy that I can't even think straight. I can't be Peeta's hero again if I can't think straight. Even though the dripping stopped, I can still hear it in my head. Drip, drip.

_Get the fuck out of my head!_

"Peeta?" I'm assuming I can talk now. They don't hit me when I open my mouth. "Peeta, it's over now!" ~

I feel looseness on my wrists and ankles, but I don't move.

Is it okay to move?

I don't know...maybe best to keep still. Just to be safe.

You're right.

So I lay there, still, staring at the ceiling. It's so bright. I can make out people talking now. But I stay quiet. ~

I can't believe I'm moving. As far as I can tell, I'm standing. "Peeta...get up."

"Peeta Mellark, District Twelve, tribute to the 74th Annual Hunger Games." The person who was speaking to the camera twelve hours ago reappears and begins talking again. "Rebel and traitor to the Capitol, lover of the beloved victor from District Two. His televised execution is scheduled for sundown tomorrow, Capitol time."

My father crosses the room to talk to me. "Your boyfriend will spend the remaining hours of his life going insane." He laughs. "He might not even remember what happened. Drip, drip, drip." ~

Those voices. I recognize them.

Can I move now?

I never stopped you.

I pull my legs into myself and sit up, wrapping my arms around my legs and staring blankly at the wall of lights. There were people, but I didn't look at them. ~

I start to walk slowly over to Peeta. No one's stopping me, so I start to run as far as my legs can carry until I reach him. "Peeta!" I hug him tightly and kiss his cheek. "It's over now. I'm here, okay?" I pull away and look at him, but his eyes are giving me a blank stare. "Peeta? It's Cato...can you hear me?" ~

I understand what he's saying.

Cato, he's a friend, right?

I can't remember. But he's not hurting us...so he can't be all that bad.

You said he was my boy before. What did you mean?

I honestly don't recall. You're out of your mind. You can't expect us to have a perfect memory.

I guess.

Speaking of, weren't you going to ask them to kill you?

Oh...I almost forgot.

I nod slowly to Cato, and look over to the people in white and speak in a monotone voice. "Please, kill me." ~

"No, Peeta," I whisper to him, "they can't kill you now. I said I'd get you out, remember?"

The Peacekeepers couldn't hear me because they were too busy laughing at his death wish. One of them says, "Not until tomorrow." ~

He wants to get me out?

He seems like a good guy.

But I don't even remember him...

Do you want to get out of here?

No...not really. I don't want to live.

"I don't want to live..." I pause, thinking again for the name.

Cato.

"...Cato." ~

"What?" Am I imagining this? Are we still in the middle of a six-hour torture session? "You said you'd be stronger than this...don't you remember?" _Drip, drip_. It's in my head again. Maybe the water's still falling for five hours. Maybe Peeta _did_ die in the 74th Annual Hunger Games. I think I'm making this whole thing up in my mind. "Are you there?" I poke him on one of the few clean spots on his shoulder. "Are you all together in your head?" ~

Am I all together in here?

Of course not. You're talking to me, aren't you?

"Of course not." ~

"...I'm your boyfriend, Peeta." Some of the Peacekeepers start clearing out their things. When my dad turns his back, I kiss Peeta on the lips. He doesn't really respond to it, so I pull away. "What about now? Did that help?" ~

"Help...what?"

You're dating him, Peeta.

"I...am?"

You are.

I glance up at Cato. "Do I...love him?"

Very much.

I look back at this unfamiliar face. "...Oh."

You're insane, Peeta. ~

"You don't remember me, do you?" I ask him. "I was here with you the entire time, Peeta. How could you forget me? Of all people..." I don't know how I'm supposed to get him out if he can't remember why I'm even being nice to him. I want to cry out of frustration but nothing's coming out. "We were in love...we still are." ~

"We...are?"

Kiss him.

Why?

You love him.

I might.

You do. The water just messed you up.

Are you sure?

I am. I'm you, and I'm sure. So you have to be, too.

So I kiss him.

For a moment, there's nothing. I still feel nothing.

Then...

See you soon, love.

The cave.

The berries.

Three months to District Two.

The jacket.

The non-boxed cake.

Kisses, smiles, laughter.

All the nights.

No more lies.

Together.

Hope.

I pull back.

"Cato?" ~

"Peeta?" ~

"Love." I confirm, wrapping my arms around him and pulling myself close. ~

"Wait, you remember now?" I want to squeeze him and never let him go, but I'm afraid of hurting his frail body and I know we'll be taken away from each other soon. ~

"I...I do." Is all I can manage. "I think I'm insane." I whisper.

I told you.

Drip, drip, drip.

You're crazy, Peeta, but it isn't your fault.

It's not? Then...I'm here by accident?

By circumstance. Do you want to die Peeta?

I pull back and give Cato a good look over. "No, I don't think I want to die anymore."

Well, that's good.

"It is." ~

"Oh, thank god...you scared me." I hold his hands and kiss him again. "But...what exactly are you saying? You're talking like you're having a conversation with someone else. Are you okay?" ~

"No, I don't think so."

I'm you, Peeta.

"You're Peeta, too?"

Of course I am.

"Then how am I..."

I told you. You're insane.

"I'm insane."

Correct.

"Then why don't you go away? Now that I know I'm crazy.."

Because you're crazy. You tell me. ~

I stand up and help Peeta off the table. His legs are still wobbly as hell and he's completely out of it. "Are you talking to _yourself?_" I ask him. "There's only one Peeta, and that's you." Well, as long as he keeps himself company tonight, I guess it could be an okay thing. "Don't pressure yourself to do anything. You don't want to die, remember? Remember that. And that I love you. I think they have to take you away in a few minutes." ~

"Why?"

Because you have to die tomorrow, Peeta.

"But didn't I tell you and them I didn't want to die?"

They don't care. You have to.

"I _have_ to?"

They think so.

I look at Cato. "Why?" ~

"Because you beat their Games, Peeta." I sigh. Now I kinda wish he didn't remember everything. Then it would be easier for him. "You can talk to yourself later...please talk to me before they have to steal you. In case we never talk again." I whisper the last part so that only he could hear. ~

I'll leave you be.

"But...you promised." ~

"But you said you wouldn't hold me to it." I frown. "I know I promised...but I'd rather treat every moment like it's our last together." Break him out tonight, break him out tomorrow morning. I don't know which is easier and which is safer. I'd rather go for the safer one, if it isn't the easy way. Whatever happens, I'll have to get him out. I promised him. "Say only one of us makes it out...please try to go on with life, Peeta." ~

Together, we said.

"No." That's all I answer. I leave with him, or I do not leave at all. ~

"Yes." I say with the most serious tone I've ever given. "If you don't try...you'd disappoint me." He says he doesn't want to die.

He wants to.

He doesn't.

He knows he will.

Then, I gave him hope.

He wants to live, then he begs to be killed. He takes it back.

And now, he can't live without me.

"I wouldn't forgive you if you didn't try..." ~

"We said together, Cato." I hold onto him for balance. "Either I'm leaving here with you, or I'm not leaving at all." I see the look on his face. "If you'd rather, I could lie now and tell you I'll try, only to bring myself back here for sunset tomorrow." I pause. "But I didn't think you would like that. Because we said no more lies." ~

"Forget it, then." I shake my head. "I don't want to spend this time together arguing about what to do. I love you." ~

"I love you too..." I reply. "We'll figure it out, love. Things will work themselves out." I try to let go of him to stand on my own, but that doesn't work out so well, and I immediately grab onto him again. "Even if I'm like this. You _may_ have to carry me." ~

"I'd carry you to the moon and back, if I could." I smile, then notice that they're almost done clearing out. "Thank you for everything..." ~

"There's nothing I've done for you that you haven't deserved, Cato...Remember that." We kiss once more on that, because we know that this could be it for some time. Forever. ~

"And you deserved more than I've ever given you...I'm lucky you stuck around." I feel myself getting pulled away from him. "No!" I reach out to him but he's already too far away. It's a random Peacekeeper that's pulling me away, not my dad, so I'm a tiny bit relieved at that. But I don't want to be away from Peeta. ~

"Cato, I love you!" I call out to him as we get pulled farther and farther apart. Suddenly, a metal door slams in front of us, and he's gone. ~

"I love you too..." I say to the closed door.

The walk down the hallway is silent. My dad is in front of me, leading the way, while another Peacekeeper is walking me to my next destination. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one of the syringes sticking out of his pocket. He must be the one that stuck Peeta those times. The needle is literally _right next to my hands_. If I can get ahold of it, maybe I could use it. It can be the key to our escape.

So, I fake an incredible sneeze and swipe it from his pocket while he's still startled. ~

It takes at least two of them to help me walk down the dark hallway. I don't know if it's actually dark, or I'm just so used to the bright lights from the torture room that everything else seems faded. Besides the two holding me, there's one walking in front and behind us, in case I attempt a "clever escape". Yeah, you really think I could escape on my own from all four of you in this state?

Neither do I.

We make it to the room, which is up an elevator two floors from where we are. Through a bunch of winding halls, we reach it; inside is a bed, a mirror, and a toilet. It felt like prison. It kind of _was_ prison. No, prison was probably better than this. The one larger Peacekeeper lets go and the other pushes me into the room, where I immediately crash onto the hard floor.

C'mon, Peeta. You've got to try and walk on your own.

I manage to pull myself onto the bed, and that's when I get my first look at myself.

Why didn't you tell me I looked so bad?

You really think I saw you?

Well, yeah. You seem to know all of this other crap that I can't remember.

Well no, I didn't see. You look like a mess.

No kidding.

I don't recognize the person in the mirror. He is cut up, red, somewhat deranged looking, partially clothed and just a bit deformed. Nothing like the weary but cheerful 17 year old who was brought here this morning. Even he had more clothing on. Nicer clothing, from the stylists. But the fire changed that. The roots of my hair were blonde, the body brown, and the tips singed black. Once again, very attractive. ~

In all his confusion, I'm able to stick it in the pocket of my pants without being noticed. What a fucking idiot. It's a good thing my dad wasn't the one walking me. He would've caught me before I even laid eyes on that needle.

Eventually, they shove me into a relatively small room and tell me something about food in an hour. They'll bring it in for me. There's a television in the room so I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to watch Peeta's execution. I doubt they'd want me there where I could scream to him and have him yell back to me. They'd want me to watch him from behind a screen, so that the both of us are helpless.

When I'm sure that I'm alone, I look for those little cameras that they hide everywhere. Don't they want to see my reaction to Peeta getting killed? Maybe they'll bring in a camera crew for that. They'll interview me while it's happening.

Cato, how does this make you feel?

Fuck the Capitol. That's what it makes me feel.

I think the camera crew idea is a safe bet. I can't find any abnormalities in the room. The room is pretty much immaculate. I go over to the bed-which they were kind enough to even supply me with-and just lay on it. It's comfortable like the ones we had before the Hunger Games started. It's nice to lie on something soft after sitting straight up in a chair for twelve hours.

Including five hours of _drip, drip, drip_.

I think that's what drove Peeta insane. He's probably having a game of mental ping pong with himself. Asking questions. Second guessing himself. Second guessing me. Debating between loving me and not knowing me. Remembering everything that made us.

Hell, even _I_ lost the will to live from the damned dripping.

And while I'm on the bed, I think of my escape plan. ~

I assume I'm not getting fed when the Peacekeepers never come back. I didn't think so, but it was worth a shot.

I'm so hungry.

Of course they're not going to feed you.

Sorry for having optimism.

That's just a stupid thought.

How do you think Cato is doing?

He's definitely better off than you. I'm sure.

How can you tell?

They want him alive and somewhat pleasant. They'll treat him well.

My stomach rumbles again.

I'm thirsty too.

But do you really want water now?

Drip.

No, I suppose you're right. ~

If there are cameras here, I can't see them. The door is tightly locked. Once I'm sure that I'm careful, I roll onto my stomach and take the syringe out of my pocket and examine it underneath me, hiding it from everywhere. It's labeled "TRACKER JACKER," and then suddenly everything makes sense. This shit causes weird hallucinations to people who are lucky enough to survive tracker jacker stings. This is what gave Peeta the nightmares and prepped him for the dripping. It helped drive him insane.

I slip the needle back into my pocket and think about how to help Peeta. When they come back, I'll stick them like they stuck him. ~

Time goes so slowly when you're sitting by yourself...talking to yourself.

How do you think he's going to pull this off?

I...have no idea.

Do you think he can do it?

I hope so. I just think I may be holding him down.

He's doing this all for you.

I know. I really want to live with him.

I know that you do.

I lay flat on the bed, wincing as my open wounds hit the rough sheets. This is definitely a continuation of the torture in an indirect form. I know your deal, Capitol. But you can't break me. ~

I spend some of my time checking out all my burns. Some of them seem to have formed pus bubbles. Well, those will hurt in the future when they inevitably explode. Peeta's burns probably didn't even get a chance to form these. He was cut open everywhere.

I perform stretches to work my numb body. Sitting still in a chair for twelve hours can do that to someone.

Then, I try to remember the path I took from the torture room. Peeta was taken out the back door, so that's the only way I know how to find him. Getting out will be the problem. I heard following the right wall will eventually get you out of a maze, but this is a Capitol building, so I'm sure it won't be like that.

I'm expecting them to bring my food any minute now. If I get this right, I'll be seeing Peeta soon. ~

"I feel terrible."

I know that, Peeta. So do I.

"I'm hungry..."

I'm sorry they're not feeding you. They expect you to die, you know.

"Yeah, yeah..."

So now, we wait.

"Wait for death?"

For Cato, Peeta.

"Right.."

I drift for a bit into sleep, but my head is pounding too much. I wake up in a panic, not remembering where I was for a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

Drip, drip, drip. ~

It's when I hear footsteps far down the hallway that I realize I have to do something. _How do I do this?_ If this doesn't work, Peeta dies. Something unthinkable will happen to me.

I hide next to the door near the hinges so that when the Peacekeeper opens the door, I'm behind it. He'll have to walk in to give me my food because it looks like I'm not in the room. If it looks like I'm not here, he'll have to check.

It won't be my dad. I think he's too busy conspiring with the Capitol, trying to figure out Peeta's execution.

When the door finally opens, I jump out and inject the venom into the Peacekeeper's arm. ~

"They could have at least given me something to do."

They expect you to talk to me.

"Until I die?"

I believe so. How long do you think it'll be until Cato gets here?

"I really don't know. Soon. Hours. Depends."

I hope soon...for your sake. ~

I have to cover his mouth with my free hand so that he can't alert anyone else. As he collapses to the floor, I notice that he was the same Peacekeeper who escorted me here. How ironic.

I wanted to save some of the poison, but it was better that I empty the entire syringe into his arm to make sure he's unconscious. Quickly, I shut the door and pull him onto my bed. I remove his uniform and helmet, gag him with his own socks, and put the covers over him. Then, I put the uniform on over my own clothes and put the helmet on.

If I'm going to be wandering around this place, I'll do anything to not be caught. ~

For a while, I just stared at myself in the mirror. I'm horrible looking. Like a living corpse. Besides my face, barely any of my skin is intact. And if it is, it's charred. I don't know who this person is. Surely not me. No, it is. ~

I close the door and lock it behind me. There are three ways for me to go. I remember turning to the right to get into my room, so I turn left and go down the hallway. Everything seems familiar. There was a paint chip on the left wall that I can now see on my right. Soon, I find myself going down that long hallway. People pass by me, and I just turn my head to the side. They don't notice anything out of the ordinary.

Finally, I reach that terrible room where we were and look through the tiny window. No one's in there-not even the cameras. I pull the keys out of my pocket and unlock the door. ~

"Cato...please come." I whisper.

He may never come, you know.

"I know that."

It's good to be optimistic, though.

"I try my best in the circumstances."

You didn't even get to say goodbye.

"Neither did he."

I think he's going to come.

"Is my optimism rubbing off on you?" ~

The room scares me so much that I sprint across it. I hate this place and everyone who was in it. Everyone except Peeta. Peeta, who is driving himself insane by himself.

Then I'm walking down a hallway identical to the other one. I'm looking in every room for my insane boyfriend. ~

Now I'm getting less and less afraid that a peacekeeper isn't going to come and more and more afraid that one will. That they didn't tell Cato something they were going to do. Maybe they really will leave me be to go mad.

You already are mad.

Oh, right. I'd almost forgotten. ~

The rooms all look the same. I walk down the hallways forever until I reach the very last door. It's a room containing a deranged boy who is talking to no one. My heart is pounding as I unlock the door and walk in. "Peeta Mellark?" ~

I freeze in place and continue staring at myself in the mirror. Did so much time already pass? Had I slept that long?

"...Yes?" I whisper, terrified. "Is it already time?" ~

"Shh. It's time, Peeta." I quietly close the door behind me. ~

No. I don't want to die. Not yet. I had to see Cato. I couldn't leave it like that.

"No, no, no...Can I at least see him one last time?..." Oh god. I'm so afraid. This can't really be happening.

But it is.

It is. ~

"Turn around, Lover Boy," I laugh. ~

A/N: AM I FORGIVEN NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE xx


	36. Chapter 36

A/N: I'm glad MOST of you forgave me…so here's another NICE LONG CHAPTER IN RETURN FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND REVIEWS. (Starts Peeta's POV.)

I know that voice.

I told you he would come.

"Cato?" I turn to see the familiar man standing before me. "You came." I smile, getting up to run to him, though I cannot hold myself up and end up falling into his arms. ~

"Shh!" I hold him up and cover his mouth with my right hand. "You'll give us away before we even get out of the room. And of course I came! We have to go." We _really_ have to go. I don't even have an escape plan after this. "Where do we go from here?" ~

"I don't know..." I whisper. "I think we're on the third floor though." ~

"Well, that may be a problem. There are probably people guarding every elevator and exit in this place. How am I even getting you out of this room?" I look down at him. "Are you okay now that I'm here?" ~

"I'm a lot better...Thank you." I rest my head on him. "If you keep that getup, you can say that they needed to move me somewhere else or something because of how I behaved in there...I'm sure you could make up some good excuse." ~

"Are you kidding? You saw how my dad saw right through me. I can't bullshit for my life...or yours." I hold him upright by the back collar of his shirt and walk him out the door. "Try your best to walk, okay?" ~

"I'll do what I can..." God, it hurts, but I take a step, two, one by one, and walk beside him, keeping my head down and walking as quietly as I can. ~

I take him out through the hallway, but when the path splits, I take him down the way I didn't come from. I saw no exits on the way to get him, so I wasn't about to waste my time with that. Then I think that I need some type of weapon so that we could fight our way out if we needed. So, instead of looking for some type of exit, I look for any room that could contain guns or the like. Anything is imperative now, because I'm sure they'll find out any moment that I escaped. "I missed you." I whisper to him, looking in the window of one of the rooms. Nothing. "And...and I thought you'd be too messed up to come with me. I was afraid you'd forget again." ~

"I sort of...kept myself sane by being insane." I laugh, limping along with him. "If that makes any sense."

You're welcome.

"Thank you." I say, before turning my attention back to Cato. "What're you looking for? Can I help?" ~

Is he still talking to himself? That poor kid. "Well, we're unarmed, so...we need something." I sigh. "I don't think we'll be able to get out without something. Do you remember passing by anything on your way here? Guns, knives, anything?" ~

I wish I could be more help. "No, I don't... I had four Peacekeepers with me, two on my sides helping me walk and one in front and one in back. I couldn't really observe if I tried." I sigh. "I'm completely useless here. I've only ever even seen the Capitol through clips of the Games every year." ~

"You're not useless...you just weren't anticipating me coming. It's fine. Let's just hope we don't get gunned down." We come across one of the elevators. No one's standing anywhere near it, though. It's just us. "Weird, there's no one here...should we...?" I gesture towards the door. "We can go in...do you think it'll be safe?" ~

"Maybe?" There could be people waiting. "If people see us...We may just have to lie. You'll have to try. And maybe hit me. Okay?" Not like I look forward it, but if it's between a slap and my life, I'll take the slap. I click the button to go down. It's our only option at this point. ~

When the door opens, I help him into the elevator and push a button to go down to the ground floor. "Last time I hit you, I knocked you unconscious." I remember all the blood coming out of the back of his head now. And I thought he was bad then. If only past-me could see Peeta today. The elevator stops and the doors open to a completely new floor. I've never seen it before considering I didn't wake up until about fifteen minutes before the torture. "Um...no talking, I guess." ~

"Just hit my face. It won't hurt too much." I nudge him, zipping my mouth closed as the doors open, following Cato's lead and glancing around. It's empty, for now. Almost too empty. ~

I whisper, "Which way should we go?" Every direction looks the same to me. "Do you think every floor layout is the same?" Everything in the Capitol seems...symmetrical. It can't hurt to think of each floor being the same. Maybe the exit will be in the same location on this floor as the torture room was on the third floor. "Come on." I drag Peeta down the hallway as quietly as I can, but his footsteps are always so heavy when he's limping. "Walk a bit more lightly." ~

"Sorry..." I whisper. "It could be. I wouldn't be surprised If it was. After all, everything in their Capitol had to be perfect." ~

We make many lefts and rights as I remember them (which isn't very well, considering my sense of direction). I was right-every floor has the same layout. I still don't know if I'm heading towards the exit or another nasty room. Just as I'm about to turn the corner, I see a few Peacekeepers by the door and pull Peeta back against the wall, slamming him a bit. "Sorry," I whisper to him, "but there are a few people over there. I haven't quite worked out a lie that would allow me to physically take you out of the building if this is the exit. Another room, yes, I'd be able to manage that. But why would I be ordered to remove you from the building?" ~

"Uh, uh..." I start going through excuses in my head, all pathetic. "They wanted me in a building closer to the execution site? Because it isn't this building, you know." I'd overheard a few of the Peacekeepers talking about it as they laughed at me one of the many times before today. ~

"I...guess that could work." I straighten up my posture and grip the collar of his shirt again. "Just...stop looking so happy. Make yourself crazy. I know you're dying to talk to yourself again. And if I hurt you, don't freak out too bad. Got it? Good." I don't even give him a chance to speak before I pulled him into the opening. Don't make eye contact. Eye contact is bad. Instead, I scan the room that we had just entered. I can see the exit right in front of me. Of course, it was easy to find, but it won't be easy to get out. They would never make something like this so easy.

As I head for the door, I hear someone say, "Where are you bringing that boy?" ~

I'm back.

"How convenient."

I'm only here to help.

"I appreciate it. And that isn't sarcasm, you know."

Oh, I know. I can tell. We're the same person, remember?

"How could I forget?"

I know it slips your mind sometimes.

"I'm not crazy."

You're talking to yourself.

"Because I have to."

Admit it, you enjoy my company.

"Not when you're acting like this." I pay no attention to the outside world. Only Peeta and I. ~

I remember what Peeta said to me and clear my throat. "I was ordered to bring him to the execution site for the night." I shake Peeta with my fist on the back of his shirt. "He...wasn't getting along the way we wanted on the third floor." It works, I think, because my voice is so hoarse from all the screaming and the silence. I haven't spoken normally in at least a day.

"He should always be escorted by at least two of us," he says, and I can hear him walking forward.

"I was told alone." Why alone?_ Shit._ "You're all needed on the third floor, they said. It's important...about tomorrow." They need to go away. "Besides, he's out of it completely. I think I can handle it." ~

"But I don't want to die." I look up at Cato, my eyes lost and distant.

You're not going to.

"I know that."

Ah, playing the part well.

"You understand."

Of course I do.

"I don't." ~

I slap him in the face. Hard. "Be quiet, I'm sick of listening to you." I direct my next comment to the Peacekeepers behind me. "I'll repeat myself only once. You're all to report to the third floor immediately."

"We would've been paged." Stop being a fucking smartass.

"The boy from Two rampaged and destroyed his father's speaker." I laugh on the inside at the thought of that happening. I would've been beaten senseless if I did that. "These are direct orders."

Peeta's still talking to himself as I asked him to, so I shove him again. "I said stop." ~

My cheek stings, and my eyes well up a bit and I put my burnt hand up to hold my face. "Sorry."

You have nothing to be sorry about.

"I get that!"

Oh, oh, acting.

"You're stupid."

Which means so are you.

"Shut up!"

I'm definitely a bit insane if I'm having an argument with myself. But I ignore it. Because I'm a little mad at myself right now.

You didn't have to be such a jerk about it.

"I'm going to be a jerk if I want to." I huff, still cupping my cheek. ~

I look to the side. Most of them are filing out of the room. A few stick around and whisper things to each other, but they eventually leave. It's suspicious. Maybe they know, and they're just going to double check. They know Peeta's out and about, but they hopefully don't know about me yet. "Let's go, Mellark." I tug harshly on his shirt and drag him outside into the night. ~

As soon as we're outside, I whisper. "Well done." I don't change my face from that of madness, though, in case people are watching. My legs are in severe pain, but now that we're out here, I can't stop here. Not now. We've come too far already. "I can't believe this." ~

"Well done?" I ask, surprised. "I think they know. It couldn't have been that easy. Even if they were that gullible, I don't think we'll be safe for long, unless we go." I loosen my grip on him a little, but not completely. Just in case. "I can't believe it either...but I kept my promise. I told you I'd get you out." I turn to him and smile. ~

"That you did." I smile too, quickening my pace. "If they do know, then we just have to go faster than them..to do that, we need a plan. Where are we going?" ~

"I honestly don't know...but I think District Two is definitely out." I sigh at the thought of probably never seeing my home again. Then, I think of when Peeta had to leave District Twelve. Sure, people didn't like him, but it was still his home. "And I'm assuming so is Twelve." ~

"I would think so. I don't want to put my siblings in more danger...or my father." I think for a moment. "There is nowhere for us, isn't there?" With a sigh, I continue. "There are the other Districts, but they aren't the safest either... There is one thing that's possible, though." ~

His brothers that didn't even volunteer in his place. "What's possible?" It's hard to find a not-so-crowded street to walk down because people in the Capitol are always out walking around, even at night. That's rare even for District Two. "We need to find a place for you as soon as possible...I know you're hurt right now. I'll take anywhere right now." ~

"Past the Districts." I whisper. "Right by Twelve, there are woods. I've never been out in them, but when I'd look out my window at night, sometimes there would be smoke, or light." I see the look of bewilderment on his face. "I know it's a long shot, but we don't have much else. There could be something out there." ~

"Outside Panem?" That can't be possible. Something like that can't go undetected by the Capitol. "Even if something did exist out there, it took you three months uninjured to get to District Two. What if we get caught in that time?" I don't even know which way is east and which is west. ~

"Where else are we going to go that we won't get caught? Maybe people will see us on the way, but we just can't stay anywhere long." I get a little serious. "That's what got us here in the first place...me. But we have to go somewhere. And if there's something there, we have to try." ~

"Stop blaming yourself. We'll try, but I don't really know which way we're going." When we reach an alley way, I push him into it and pull the helmet up. I hold him up against the wall and kiss him intensely. "Just in case." ~

The kiss breaks off, and I'm left out of breath. "Of course...just in case." I pull him against me by the front of his garment and our lips meet again. ~

"We can't stay in this alley forever." I gently push him away and put the helmet down over my face. "But...that was nice." I smile and hug him. "So how do I look?" ~

"I wish we could." I give him a once over. "Honestly scary." I laugh. "Hard to imagine it's you." ~

Laughing, I ruffle his hair. "Really? You _did_ seem afraid of me when I came to get you. Did you see the look on your face?" ~

"Oh god, I was afraid I'd slept so long that it was already time for my execution." I look at him nervously. "I was afraid you hadn't come! You scared me to death!" I laugh. ~

"Sorry...I didn't know if you had cameras in that room or not. But judging by your reaction to seeing me...I'm assuming none." He didn't have guards either. Maybe he wasn't dangerous enough to warrant one. I had one. He was an idiot, though. Maybe they wanted us to escape so that they could shoot us down while we're on the run. Or so that they have a better reason to do terrible things to us. They want a reason to torture us for another twelve hours. "I've come to bring you to your execution, Peeta," I joke. "No, you can't say goodbye to your boy. Never." ~

"Well, I don't think I'll need a reason to say goodbye now." I laugh. "You can't take me away!" I begin to run from him and stumble to my knees. "This does not decrease the impact of my almost exit!" ~

"It definitely does." I go help him up. "You're all mine, now. Let's go. Which way do we go? Do you remember the way to the place? We can retrace our steps towards District Two and then you can lead the way. Or we can just take a risk and go some other way." ~

"I'd rather be safe." I say, taking his hand. "When we get to District Two, I can get us to Twelve." ~

I look down at our hands and slide mine out of his. "No hand-holding, Peeta Bread." I laugh. "That would be a little too suspicious." ~

"Fine." I pout. "You still have to help me walk, though." ~

"Don't be sad, _please_. I just drugged some guy and stripped him so that I could save you." I put my arm around him to help support his legs as we go back out into the busy street. "Left or right?" ~

"Now you're stripping guys that aren't me? That makes me _really _sad." I joke, putting on a sad face. I'm honestly shocked no one has recognized me. Especially since the torture only finished an hour or two ago. "I think left. We have to keep on route near the execution site or they won't believe your story. So that's towards the center of the Capitol. The Square." ~

"Why do you seem to know more about the Capitol than I do?" I laugh and shake my head. "And don't joke about that! If I had made the snappy comeback I wanted to, you would've gotten _jealous_." We turn left and start to walk down the center of the street. Some people give us interesting looks, but I'm assuming they brush it off when they see me. With my face being partially covered and it being nighttime, they would have no idea it's me. Then I think: when they find out we left, would they broadcast it to the nation? I doubt they'd want people to think we've once again outsmarted the Capitol.

The Capitol is perfect.

But they'd want to find us, so wouldn't they want everyone to look out for us? If they find us, what the hell would even happen? Would they still plan on killing Peeta, as they wanted to because of the Games, or give him some fate worse than death? This thought keeps me moving, with Peeta limping along beside me. ~

"It's not the Capitol, it's any town! People usually move towards the center of the town, and there are lots of lights over there-so it's probably where the square is. The fact that they wanted to execute me there's just something I overheard." I say softly. "And I'm usually jealous anyway." I scoff. "It's just my nature. Sor-ry." ~

"Forget it. I learned my lesson. No teasing you." When it starts getting more well lit in the streets, I work harder to cover my face. "We don't look too friendly with each other, do we? That would be a dead giveaway. And I mean _dead_ giveaway." ~

"Maybe... I think the arm around me is too friendly. Drag me more."

Do you need me now?

"No! I'll be fine."

Fairweather friend.

"You're me! I can't be friends with me," I say, blocking the voice out of my head. "Just act like a jerk. Pretend I'm someone else. Like, someone who was responsible for me dying, if I did really die...Does that make any sense?" I don't know if I make much sense anymore. ~

"Yeah, that makes sense..." I grab his hands and hold them behind his back, and kind of push him along the way. "But I know it's you, Peeta. I'm not going to willingly hurt you." And the voice in his head keeps coming up to talk to him. I wish there was a way to tell it go away for now. While still slightly amusing considering I'm only hearing half of the conversation with himself, it's still sad to see his brain so messed up. ~

"Would you rather me get beat up a bit by you, where you can control it, or risk me dying, and you can't do anything?" I didn't want it either, but of the two, I'd rather obviously get kicked around a bit.

Abusive relationship.

"I don't want to hear from you!" ~

"That's right, Peeta. Tell yourself to shut the hell up!" I shove him into the brightly lighted street that lies in front of us. We must be getting close to the city center. Some of these things are actually starting to look familiar. "Hey," I whisper to him, "is the train station around here somewhere? I think it is...maybe we can sneak onto a cargo train?" I don't know how plausible that would be, considering Peeta couldn't even take a train on his journey to my house. Or, at least he couldn't take it for a long distance. ~

"I don't know the map of the Capitol." I mutter. "Weren't you just here for the Victory Tour?" ~

"I was too busy thinking about you! I didn't care about this shitty place..." The Victory Tour feels like it was ages ago. I guess twelve hours of torture can do that to someone. Until he reminded me, I didn't even realize I was here only a few days ago. "Besides, I wasn't really out and about...but that's probably why these places look so familiar to me. I was only ever really in the Square, so I think we're close." Looking around, I see some familiar shops that sell ridiculously overpriced items. They sell the most pointless things, too. I'm used to seeing so many shops selling food and the occasional clothing store...but the Capitol goes overboard. They have shoe stores. Dress shops. Hair accessory shops. They even have a huge department store _dedicated_ to hair. There's _barely_ any food around. It's all concentrated in a few spots. But when you do run into a place that sells food, it's _enormous_. After all, the Capitol people eat so much, so such a large place would be fitting. "Should we take our chance with the train, or go on foot? You're frail and you look dead. Once again, no offense." ~

"Only if there's a train," I respond calmly. "If not, we take it as a sign not to take a train. Okay?" ~

"Alright." I start pushing him in the direction where I think the train station is. "Do you think they'll broadcast it when they find out we're both gone?" I say after a few moments of silence. "I mean, that would pretty much be warning us that they're on their way. They could be on their way now and we wouldn't even know it." I quicken the pace a little bit and kick the back of one of his legs when someone gives us a suspecting look. "We need to get somewhere fast. We...you need to sleep. You need a good sleep." ~

As he speaks, I hear a loud noise. "Was that a train?" I start to pull in the direction of the noise. "C'mon!" I look around desperately and see a very familiar machine about a block away. "Look...!" It's a black train car...plastered with the words "Capitol Coal". ~

"Peeta, your impulses aren't always the _best_ thing to follow." I don't care if it's a District Twelve train. It has to be a trap. "Remember that one time you went crazy in the Games from killing someone? And when you decided to eat an unfamiliar berry? And when you showed up at my house unannounced? And when you decided to stay when I said leave? Yeah, all of those are choices that brought you here." He drags me along anyway. "Hey, watch it! I'm the one who's supposed to be walking _you_." ~

"Maybe it's luck, though. We haven't gotten much, so maybe now it's our turn. They couldn't have brought in a huge train from Twelve in fifteen minutes." I stop pulling. "It's not an impulse, it's _hope_." ~

"Peeta, stop!" I hold him back and turn him to face me. "Your _hope_ can get us both killed! I'd like to at least make it out of the Capitol before that happens." ~

"Fine." I reply. "Then what do you suggest we do?" ~

I look back at the train. Maybe our luck _has _changed. Maybe. "How are we getting on?" ~

"Well...I found the train. I was hoping you'd have an idea on how to get on it." ~

"You did _not_ find the train! It was pretty much in plain sight!" I push him along towards the train and look for a door. "Maybe I can hide you in a bag or something? Or...I don't know. I would probably be able to get on the train if I were alone, but with you here...I don't know." ~

"Then find a bag. I don't object... at least I won't have to walk." I smirk. ~

"They don't just have bags lying around. That's unsanitary."

The longer we stand around, the more likely we are to be caught by someone. We've already veered off from his place of execution. "It would've been so much easier if you weren't...you right now." My stomach rumbles. "And it would be _much_ easier if we weren't hungry. I knew I should've taken that food." I continue to search the area for anything at all to hide him. ~

"They actually brought you food?" So I was right. They were trying to starve me, too. ~

"Yeah, but I didn't bother with it. I was preoccupied with getting you out." I find a door and look through the window. "No people. Just a bunch of boxes. Safe to go in?" I sigh. ~

"Worth a shot, isn't it?" ~

A/N: Now do all of you forgive me? REALLY? PLEASE. Review and maybe I'll do more nice things. ;D xx


	37. Chapter 37

A/N: LONG CHAPTER IS LONG. For you all. TA-DA. Starts in Cato's POV.

I pull on the handle of the door a few times. "It's locked." I keep pulling it harder, twisting it in every direction, and even kicking the door, and it still won't open. "Peeta, are you actually going to help me on our little adventure or just stand there and watch? Help me open it!" ~

I glance along the ground quickly and on the tracks. The first thing I find is a stick, which obviously won't work for our purposes. Then, there's something shiny. Metal, maybe? "Move...let me see something." I use his shoulder for support and lean a bit on the car, fiddling with the door and the metal. "Ugh..." ~

I groan. "Come _on_, if you can't do it, let's try to find something else. You'll get us both killed." ~

"No, no, wait... I know how to do this." He gives me a look. "Don't ask." I laugh. I keep moving it around until I feel something click and the door starts to move. "I'm not strong enough to pull it...I think it's open, let's go...!" ~

Sighing, I try again to open the door and it slides open with ease. "How did you do that?" I help him into the car and shut the door behind us. It automatically locks, so I won't have to worry about locking it myself. "Well?" ~

I sit on the ground and tuck my legs under me. "It's a stupid story." I laugh a little. It wasn't necessarily my fault, either. ~

"Tell me. I need to know you're not completely worthless on this journey." I cross my arms and lean against the door. ~

"Fine." I sigh. "It's stupid, but when I was a kid, I found out my older brothers had found a path into the warehouse where they kept all of the tesserae rations in Twelve. But then, I think they started noticing stuff was missing, so they locked it. So my older brothers trained me to pick locks to get to it when I was nine or so." I smirk a bit before frowning slightly. "But then our mom and dad found out, so we had to stop, but we still needed the grain to eat. We used all the good stuff we could afford for the bakery. So my brothers blamed it on me, so I ended up being the one who had to sign up for tesserae of the three of us." ~

So _that's _why he had to take tesserae. "That sucks...were you always the scapegoat?" Then I realize what he told me about the tesserae.

_You sign up, and the Capitol gives it to you for...sorta free._

_So they're kinda like, 'oh, we'll give you food but you have to be in our Games' blah blah._

Sorta free. Not completely. You have to compete in the Hunger Games. "Wait...it's their fault that you were in the Games, isn't it?" ~

"I always thought so because I was bitter, but..thinking about it, you can't ever really know which one of your slips got pulled. It could've been, but it also could have been my name from when I turned twelve. I'll never really know." I stare at the ceiling of the car. "But...the odds _are_ in favor of that slip coming from me signing up for tesserae _multiple times_." ~

"I'm...sorry?" I walk over to him and pull him into a hug. "I had no idea. I...you're here because of that." ~

"Probably." Right. Optimism. "Nothing to be worrying you.. Then we would have never met.. You know the box I sent your jacket in?" ~

I freeze. "That was a box of tesserae, wasn't it?" ~

I bite my bottom lip. "Yeah." I manage to get out. "The last one I got...Before everything happened." I stop for a second, remembering it coming and everything it did for my family, none of us knowing what it would _really_ do to the family. "It was all I thought about when I got reaped. That it was that box that got me picked." I look away from him. "But when I woke up in Twelve, and I had to run to get things together...it was in my room. And I hoped that, as it had indirectly brought me to you once, it would do so again." ~

"I...don't know what to say." He's so thoughtful and I've been treating him like shit. So, I rip the helmet off, throw it onto the floor, and kiss him. "It did." ~

I immediately smile. "I'm so happy it did...no matter what's happened." I kiss him back, finally relaxing for the first time in what seemed like ages. "I told you, it's just a stupid story." ~

"It isn't stupid. I'm glad you told me." Holding his hands, I pull him down to the floor so that we could finally sit. "And I'm glad you're here." ~

"That makes two of us...we've got a long ride ahead of us." I lean on him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Tell me something about you to pass the time." ~

"I don't have any worthwhile stories like that." Let's face it. My entire childhood was boring as hell. I had no siblings and most of my time was spent training for the damn Games. "Um...there was this one time, I was maybe four or five years old. I liked to hide from my mom and dad a lot, so when my dad had to leave for work, he'd put up this gate in front some of the doorways so that I couldn't run and hide on my mom. So uh...when she wasn't looking, I opened one of the windows and climbed out. And it was the second floor window, too, so I climbed all the way down the gutter pipe on the side. I was light then, so I was a pretty good climber, but now I don't think I'm able to climb things like that anymore." ~

"Always risky and dangerous, weren't we?" I laugh. "I bet you still could if you tried. What with your muscles and all." ~

"Nah...I think I'm a little too heavy for that stuff now." I shrug. "Besides, I got onto the ground finally and ran across the street into one of the neighbors' yards. I hid underneath their porch until I saw my dad coming home from work. When he opened the door, my mom ran out of the house in hysterics. I was gone for a few hours, so she must've torn the house apart looking for me. And my dad was _pissed_, so...I just didn't come out from underneath the porch for another few hours. Not until I saw a skunk about ten feet away from me. Then I ran out as fast as I could, and they both saw me." ~

"What'd they do?" ~

"Well, my mom ran over to me and hugged and cried and all that." I laugh. "My dad, not so forgiving. He locked the windows in my room and painted them shut. Then he kept me locked in my room for the next three days. I was only allowed out for the bathroom. And ever since then, I hated hiding because I was afraid he'd do something bad to me again. That's why I was so angry with you before. I just don't want to hide anymore, because something will force me out of hiding and he'll find us." ~

"He...he won't find us, love. We're going to go far away. Somewhere we can finally be together..uninterrupted, without danger, and be happy." I take both his hands in mine. "That's all I want for us. For you. I want you to be able to be in peace and without sadness or fear. Without worrying about me, or the Games, or your father." I kiss him softly and slowly, pulling myself closer. "I'd do anything for that." ~

"But I'll always worry about you. I've been happy before. You never had a chance to be happy. That's all I want for _you_." I pull him even closer so that he's lying on top of me like he was the second night of the Games when it was raining out-the night before he 'died'. "We can compromise, you know. Let's both be happy." ~

"As long as I'm with you...I'm happy. So you'd better stick around, okay?" I lay back and put my head on his chest. ~

"Darn, I guess I have to now, don't I?" I run my fingers along his arm and look at his charred, blistered body. "Do you still hurt? I don't really know how to fix you..." ~

I didn't want to tell him how much pain I was still in, because I didn't want to worry him. But then, I'd be lying. "Yeah... It hurts a _lot_. There isn't much that can be done until we get somewhere with medicine, but even then...we have nothing. It's okay, though...I'm just happy to be alive, to be honest." I laugh nervously. "There were so many times today I was convinced I was going to die. Thought I was dead. But...here I am, with the likelihood of living years and years with you." I sigh contentedly. ~

"I keep my promises, Peeta. I swore I'd get you out of there. I said I wouldn't let them take you away forever. I said I'd kill anyone in my way-which I could've possibly done, but I'm not exactly sure." I might've killed that one guy. I've been told horror stories about tracker jackers, but the injections didn't kill Peeta, so the other guy might still be alive. And looking for us, no less. "There were times I thought they killed you by accident. Or on purpose because they got bored. But you didn't seem to hear me screaming for you half the time." ~

"But...I mean, they didn't. I..don't know why I didn't hear you that time. You said you were there the whole time, and I believe you, I do..." I shut my eyes. "But I couldn't see you or hear you. At all. But everything else was there." After letting out a deep breath, I continue. "It was terrifying. I thought you'd gone." ~

"I wouldn't have been able to go if I wanted to. Not that I did...I just couldn't go." I pause. "I couldn't for two reasons." ~

"Care to share?" I say, opening my eyes and looking up at him. ~

"Well, first of all, they locked those braces and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break them off. They trapped me there." I laugh and look down at him. "And the other reason is because _you_ trapped me. Remember?" ~

I smile. "Well, I'm glad that I did...I kind of...sort of..._really_ need you around." ~

"I know sometimes it doesn't seem like it, but I need you around too. You're all I have." He's always been the only thing I've had. "Are you cold at all?" ~

"You'll always have me...and it's a bit chilly, but only because these cars aren't made to store people." I laugh. "Just coal." ~

"That's good to know. And...I'm kinda sweaty in this." I ease him off of me and carefully pull the white shirt over my head to reveal what I had on underneath. "Remember what I came here with?" I unzip the black jacket and give it to him. "You can wear it. It was yours to begin with, after all." ~

A huge smile grows on my face. "I..." I pull it on. "I can't believe you still have it. After all of that." I try to think back...the twelve hours seemed like an eternity. "I think yours is still back at your house..." Suddenly, I wished we had it more than anything. More than money or food or anything. ~

"It's okay. If I die, and I get shipped back to District Two, and then I magically wake up...I'll mail it to you." I laugh and put the thick shirt back on. "I'll sell all my dad's things to pay for shipping." ~

I laugh, thinking about what was going through my head when I did that. I remember running out of the funeral home and getting to my house through the back of the bakery, reaching my room and frantically pulling things to sell for money, packing... "Only if you promise to come with the package." ~

"On my birthday, right? March 3. Save the date." ~

"I'll wait for you with baited breath." I smile. ~

"And if we do the math here...take away three months...I should be dying any day now." I joke. "Guess I'll see you soon, then!" ~

"According to your math, you should've died a while ago!" I flip my body so that I'm still laying on him, but my chest is against his. "So I guess you're not leaving me. Ever." I pout. ~

"Well...my math hasn't always been the best. And-" I stop and look down to him lying on me. "What are you doing?" ~

"We weren't facing each other before. And I like looking at you." I'm looking right into his blue-green eyes. "Why?" ~

"Who _doesn't _like looking at me? I'm a sight for the sore eyes." I smile. "I know that because you've only been going on about how sexy I am for a number of months." ~

"Only because it's true." I wink at him, smiling and laughing. ~

"Well, remember, you're not so bad yourself. The Capitol just hasn't been good to you...or your lips." I trace his mouth with my still-throbbing finger. "Still kissable, though. And they look a bit swollen, too...it makes your sad, pouty face look even sadder. If that was possible." ~

"Don't lie, I look horrific." I lay my head face-first into his chest. "Don't lie." ~

"No lies, Peeta! Your face isn't even as bad as mine, anyway, but...I'm not lying. You're not horrific looking." ~

"Well, I think so." I sigh. "They probably planned it all, too. The one, trivial thing they put in my room was a mirror." ~

"I saw. But...I asked you this a while ago, but I'll ask again. Can you stop putting yourself down all the time? You don't even look that bad...and you didn't before, either, and yet, you still called yourself unattractive." ~

"Sorry, I just.." I clasp my hands together. "I can't believe what they did, Cato." ~

"I can." I sigh, playing with his hair. "Then again, I'm used to knowing what the Capitol does." ~

"I just know they let people in Twelve starve to death on a daily basis." ~

"You didn't starve to death." I say to lighten the mood. "Because of your tesserae." ~

I start laughing. "My optimism is rubbing off on you." ~

"_Your_ optimism? You were the one arguing with me about how you were going to die! 'Oh, _love_, I can't hold you to that promise. I'm going to _die_.'" I stick my tongue out and fake-die. "More like my optimism now." ~

"I'm an_ optimist,_ not a fool!" I smirk. "I was so sure I was going to die. You proved me wrong." ~

"Honestly, Peeta, I thought you'd die too. In my head, I was _begging_ them to kill you because I couldn't stand watching you be tortured like that. And I hated that it was my fault for not telling you about Jerkass Daddy." My tone is bitter and hateful. "You could've hid better, if I had told you." ~

"Sh...It's not your fault." I wrap my arms around him and pick my head up. "You were trying to protect me...and you've_ mostly_ made up for it." ~

"Mostly?" I yell semi-loudly. "I just saved your life for the hundredth time! I risked my own for yours! How did I only _mostly_ make up for it?" ~

"99 percent." I laugh, kissing his cheek. "Relax. We just got found in the middle of a very...compromising situation." I joked. ~

"Seriously? That's the one percent?" I lightly push his face away. "Now you get nothing." ~

"You're mean!" I pout. "First, you start commenting on how sexy you are.. Besides, I just wanted a kiss." I sigh. I don't want him to see me like this. If we_ ever_ have that...it can't be now. Not even soon. ~

"I was kidding, though!" I give him the kiss he asked for. "I know every time we try, something bad happens...like you dying, or you fighting with me, or my dad sending you to the Capitol to get tortured endlessly...but you want it, and I want it, so...I think now is the best time. I mean, if you're able to. I'm not sure what all that fire and stuff did to...yeah." I finish awkwardly and push him to the floor so that I can get on top. "It's time." I kiss him again while he lies helpless on the floor. "Look more excited. You've been waiting for this since forever." I take the shirt off again so that I'm left with my own t-shirt on. ~

No, no, I can't. "Cato, I.." I try to get out words between kisses, but to no avail. ~

"No, shh." I unzip his jacket and yank it off of him. "I know it's cold and all...but it'll get warm real fast. Just you wait and see." I smirk and kiss him some more. ~

I want it. But...we can't. Once again, because of the Capitol. I stop kissing him. "No, Cato, stop...!" I push him off gently, breathing heavily. It hurts me to do it, but this can't be the first time. ~

"No, Peeta. I know you hurt right now, but I can fix that," I insist. He's been waiting for this, and I won't let him stop it now. We need to do this before something else happens. "Everything will be fine." I climb back on top of him and start undoing my belt. ~

I'm starting to get hot. "But..." I manage to stammer out. "Cato..." If this goes on much more, I won't be able to have the willpower to tell him to stop. ~

I stop what I'm doing and ask, "_What_ could you possibly want, Peeta? I'm giving you your one percent. What else could you _possibly_ want?" ~

"I want you to_ stop_." I pant out. This isn't what I want. It is, but... ~

"What, did I do something wrong?" I ask angrily. "You kept saying you wanted this! You _just_ implied that you wanted it!" ~

"No, I didn't..! I can't...We can't." I look away from him. ~

When he looks away, I get off of him completely and crawl over to his side. "Why? Is it something I said?" ~

"No, no...it's not you. It's totally me." I sound so cliche, but I'm being honest. ~

Now I'm getting worried. This doesn't sound like him at all. "Did the Capitol do something to you when I wasn't around?" He's been distant ever since I broke him out, but I hadn't realized it until now. It seems like he isn't even into me anymore. "Are you okay?" ~

"I'm...fine." I lie. "I just...can't." I pull my whole body away from him. "I'm sorry." ~

There's only one thing I can think of that would make him talk like this. Whether it was his own decision or the Capitol's doing, I know why he keeps pushing me away and lying. "You don't love me anymore, do you?" I reach over him for the shirt I threw on the ground just a few moments ago. ~

I move myself in the way of his reach. "No! Don't you _dare _say that." How could he even think that? After everything we've gone through together. I look him right in the eyes. ~

I push him to the side and retrieve the shirt. As I put it on, I say, "I know it all too well, Peeta. The look you gave me. I'm used to people not liking me now. That's the same look your mom gave me when I visited Twelve on the Victory Tour." I stand up and brush off my pants. "You don't need to lie to me." ~

"Why on earth would you ever think I didn't love you anymore?" I say, bewildered. "Are you_ kidding_ me?" ~

"It's clear to me! You keep pushing me away, giving me looks...I initiated most of those kisses when it's usually fifty-fifty. And you suddenly don't want to do it anymore. You don't seem into _us_ anymore, really." I try pouting the way he does it, because that's really what's appropriate right now, but it doesn't work for me, so I just put my hand up to my forehead. ~

"Oh, love..." I put his face cupped in my hands. "When else has it been? Because none of it is on purpose, well... Except just now, that is." I kiss him carefully. "I'm sorry." ~

"No, Peeta!" I back away. "You're not telling me everything! How can I be sure your crazy isn't coming out now? How can I even be sure you're alright up there if you aren't telling me what your deal is? I don't know with you anymore!" ~

"That isn't my fault, Cato! I didn't ask for it! I didn't ask for the voices in my head or the burned, scarred, and cut body!" I look away. "...You really could doubt me like that?" ~

"Well, I don't know! You seemed to doubt that I'd come for you before." I turn away, crossing my arms. "And I don't care about your body. I just cared about you." ~

"And_ I _care about you! Even if you didn't come earlier, I never would have doubted that you loved me." I say, hurt. "Never. I want you. I want it. But we just can't." ~

"Then what could possibly be the problem? Is it how I look?" I turn around to face him again. "Is this why?" ~

"No, no, no, Cato..." I know all he'll do is scold me for being down on myself, but I'd rather that then let him think that I think there's something wrong with him. "It's me. What I look like. I...I don't want your...our..first time to be marred because of me. Because of all of this." I lift my shirt slightly to show the scars and burns underneath on my chest and stomach, some still red but many blackened. "That's...that's not how it should be." I shake my head and look down slightly. "I know you hate me putting myself down, but..." I can't complete my thought. I'm already mad at myself and the Capitol for once again putting something between Cato and I just being happy. ~

"Is that really the problem?" I look at all of his cuts, bruises, and burns. They aren't as fresh-looking as they used to be, which is good, but they're still pretty bad. His back probably looks horrific, but I don't want to see it. Seeing his front is enough. "I...we don't have to, if you're that self-conscious...but remember, I don't care. I still love you." ~

"It is. I just...I didn't want you to think it had _anything _to do with you. It's not even being self-conscious, it's..." I look up at him. "If you had a picture of me from the neck down, it looks inhuman or dead. I know you still love me. And, you can say you don't care, and you probably don't. But...But I know, somewhere inside, we could regret it. For so many reasons." I bite my lip. "But, at the same time...I'm always afraid that it's the last chance we'll get." ~

I walk over to him and hug him for the longest time. For a few moments, we don't say anything. Finally, when I let him go, I say, "But you're not dead...that's why you look like this. They did that to you because you weren't dead, remember? Because they were planning on killing you anyway...and they're looking for you again so that they could kill you. It _could_ be our last chance. So...are you sure? I'm willing to wait until you're ready, even if it's forever." ~

"I...I don't know." I look into his eyes and just stare for a moment. "I do want it, you know." I whisper. "It's always been _them_ stopping us." ~

"Then we'll wait." I bend down and pick up his jacket and hand it to him. "Soon, we'll be so far away and you'll get better and they won't be able to stop us anymore." Even though I wanted it so much before, my wants are giving in to his needs and all I want now is to kiss him. "Are you against doing anything else?" ~

"Not even a little bit." I smile, grabbing his hand to stand up. "Come on, I'm not _that_ insane." ~

The second he stands up, I nearly knock him over with kisses. "You better fix your body, because you're the only Peeta Mellark out there and I don't want him to always be thinking about what he looks like underneath his shirt." ~

"I have no control over that!" I laugh a little. "Let's hope we find somewhere civilized that I can actually go see a doctor before it's too late and everything just becomes ugly scars." I kiss him, though the edges of my mouth still hurt, but he makes everything better in that moment. ~

"Yeah." I'm not expecting us to find somewhere civilized outside of Panem. I know he says that he saw things a little bit past District Twelve, but I don't recall seeing _anything_ out there, no matter how short my visit was. But, it's not totally impossible, so I'll give him that one. "I'm so glad I saved you." ~

I pull back and look at him. "So am I." I smile. "What, was there a moment where you weren't glad?" I joke. "I mean, I know I'm crazy, but you picked me. You're stuck now." ~

"Oh _great_. Stuck with you. That's the absolute _last_ thing I wanted." I lightly push him on the shoulder, trying to avoid hitting his injured spots. "And no, I've always been glad...there was just that stretch of time where I was pissed off that it was so hard to get you places and hide you. Like, if I were alone, I wouldn't have to hide. But with you here...sorry about before. I don't really know if you picked up on it before we got here and stuff, but I was being kinda mean. I was just generally pissed off at the world." ~

"There's nothing to be sorry about." I feign injury on the shoulder he barely tapped. "And since the Games, I'm used to you in a terrible mood." I laugh. "So I've really just come to accept it." ~

"Wow, the Games really fucked me up, didn't they?" I laugh for a couple seconds, but there's truth behind what I'm saying. "If I ever get angry with you again, just clue me in on it, okay?" ~

"Okay, I promise." I smirk. "As much as the Games and the 18 years leading up to them messed with you, I expect to have much more time than that to fix you...and in a few months, I've done so much more." ~

"Fix me? Live it up, Peeta. This is the best that you'll ever find." I laugh. "And if all goes as planned, you'll have all the time in the world for me. How does that sound?" ~

"Well, we did say forever, didn't we?" I lean into him. "I mean, I think I can deal with your cockiness for the rest of time. _Maybe_." I joke. ~

"And I might be able to deal with your always-pouty face for the rest of time. _Maybe._" I say. "But it might be the end of me." ~

"Why is that? Because I always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time?" ~

I stare at him in disbelief. "You _are_ always in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's about time you noticed." ~

"Why do you look so shocked?" ~

"Because I thought I was the only one who noticed that trend. You're _never_ in the right place." I laugh because it's true...especially now. Nowhere is the right place for him. ~

"No, I guess not." I laugh nervously. "Pretty unlucky. You're the best luck I've ever had." ~

"You're the best I'll ever have." ~

"We did say forever." ~

"F-forever?" I feign shock at the thought of us being together for the rest of time. "I don't know if I can commit to that!" ~

"Don't tell me you were thinking about abandoning me _before_ the world ended!" I fake a blasphemous tone. ~

"I _was_ planning on leaving you after we did it, but I guess that's out of the question now." I laugh. ~

"Oh?" I stand by him and lean in close, whispering into his ear. "You really think you could manage _fucking me_ only once?" I run my hand down his chest, nearing the waistband of his pants slowly before pulling my hand away. ~

"Wait, w-what?" I stare at his hand as it moves down my chest, eventually to the top of my pants. A chill is sent up my spine, and I know it's not from the cold air. "What are you doing?" I ask stupidly as he stops touching me. ~

I smile. "You said you were thinking of leaving me after we_ did it._ You think you could let yourself only do that to me once?" ~

"Um...no, I was joking." I laugh nervously. "I'm confused. What were you just doing?" ~

"Nothing." I take a step back from him, holding my hands behind my back. "Nothing at all." ~

"You were just...touching me everywhere!" One minute, he's crying about how we can't have sex, and now, he's feeling me up everywhere. "That was something..." ~

"Um..Nope." I shrug. "I have no idea what you're talking about." ~

"Oh...kay." I turn and look around the car for anything besides boxes. Anything at all to sleep on, or even to play a game with. Sighing, I look back to Peeta, who is still standing and smiling with his hands behind his back. "So then what should we do now? I think we have a lot of time on this train." ~

"Sleep?" I laugh, then yawn, realizing how tired I actually was. ~

"Well, there's not really anything for us to sleep on..." I sit back down on the floor by the wall and pat my leg. "Come on, you can lay on me." ~

"Alright then.." I go and lay by him. "How long do you think we actually have?" ~

"A few days, I think." This train isn't going as fast as the one I was on for the Victory Tour, so it should at least be a little longer than that. Then I realize something...and it isn't good. "When was the last time you ate?" ~

"I...Can't remember. I could barely eat the day before you came home. Which was... Yesterday? Probably two days ago, Giving us time to get to the Capitol." I think for a second. "So...lunch." I pause. "Three days ago." ~

"Well...shit." I really don't want to say what I'm thinking, but I have to. "If we can't find something to eat here, we'll have to get off the train at some point. You'll starve to death if we don't." ~

"A person can survive three weeks without food, Cato." I sigh. "Not happily, but I'll live. If we get off, we don't have money for food _or_ transportation. Then, I'm really dead." ~

"But you're weak. Don't you need food?" I haven't eaten in a while, either, but that's the least of my concerns. "What was the longest you've gone without food?" ~

"Honestly?" I didn't want him to feel badly, because he's always had enough to eat. "There was a time, when I was eleven, that the whole District had a food shortage. There was an explosion in the mines, and since we had nothing to export...the Capitol refused to import anything. Not even tesserae. Some people saved things and were okay for a while, but my father was one of the people who helped feed everyone else. He knew how long it would take for the Capitol to bring us food, so he gave to others who were already weak, like the people in the Seam, all of our bread and other goods...I didn't eat for two weeks. We lived off of water." ~

I wasn't expecting that. I remember seeing how skinny he was when he first came to District Two after his long journey. If he was that bad then, I'm afraid to think of how those two weeks were when he was younger. And now I don't even want to talk to him because the longest I've gone without eating was maybe five days, so now I feel terrible. "You're already underweight, though...are you sure we can't try it?" ~

"I'd really rather not." I snuggle my head into his shoulder. "I'd rather just stick here with you where we know where we're going, and you can distract me from the idea of food." ~

"How can I distract you from the idea of food if I'm the one who brought it up in the first place?" I laugh, putting my arm around him. ~

"Well, first thing's first, don't bring it up again." I say, smirking and sticking my tongue out at him. "Let's sleep, and figure out what else to do in the morning, okay?" ~

"Alright." I let out a yawn. "And Peeta?" ~

"Yes?" I begin to shut my eyes. ~

"Next time we're about to die? Can _you_ be the one saving _my_ life for a change? This whole hero thing is a little tiring." ~

"I'll try my best. You _are_ my hero, after all. Which, in some convoluted way, makes me a damsel in distress." I laugh quietly. "But I'd do anything to save you." ~

"Nice to know." I smile and close my eyes. "Let's hope this is a quiet night." ~

I wrap my arms around him and allow my eyes to shut. "Goodnight, love. I'll see you in the morning." ~

"Goodnight." I don't want to stop talking to him now, but he's incredibly tired and needs rest. Even I'm kinda tired. So, I let him fall asleep on me for the first time in almost a month. This _is_ a good night. ~

A/N: LIVE IT UP. Anyway, review! Psh, you all thought it was gonna be a trap. HA xx


	38. Chapter 38

A/N: Sorry about the lack of updates this weekend, I was away at my friend's house down the shore with my boyfriend. This chapter starts Peeta's POV.

For the next three days or so, we make due with what we've got-safety and peace. The train doesn't even stop for fuel, because they have tons and tons of it already on board. I guess they anticipate how much coal they need to get back to Twelve, and hold back that much from the Capitol. We talked sometimes, slept _a lot_- because I hadn't slept much when his father was home, and he had trouble sleeping without me there, we were both sufficiently exhausted-played games, and kissed often. We got by with rain water, if we were ever lucky enough. On the third day, I was actually able to stand on my own, because Cato had helped me work on it, seeing as we had a lot of time. When we woke up on the fourth day, I took a peek outside the car before Cato woke up. We were definitely in Eleven. I recognized it. We'd be home today. I was sure of it.

"Love?" I go kneel by him. "Wake up." We needed a plan for getting off and getting food. We'd have to head into the woods at night, and if my guess was right, we'd be in Twelve in the next six hours...with plenty of daylight to spare. ~

"No, Mom. Let me sleep." I say to the voice that just woke me up. ~

"I'm not your mother, Cato." I kneel beside him. "Come on, it's Peeta...We're in Eleven, you've got to get up." ~

I open my eyes to see Peeta staring down at me. His hair is _beyond_ sex hair, with it all over the place and knotted and about three different colors all at once. Basically it looks like he hasn't had rest in days, when he really slept a lot more than he used to. "Hey, Peeta." ~

"Hey you." I smile. "Sleep alright?" ~

"Absolutely. Especially with you here...on top of me." I laugh and sit upright, leaning against the wall behind me. "You said we're in District Eleven now?" ~

"Mm-hm." I cross my arms and look out of the crack I'd left in the door. "I remember the place well from my journey to you. Miles and miles and miles of...nothing." I laugh. "So I'm guessing we'll be in Twelve soon. So we need some sort of plan." ~

"What, we'll be there midday, right?" I ask. "Where do they stop these trains? The mines are at the Seam, right?" He told me a lot about District Twelve. So I know the Seam is near or at the end of the District somewhere, and I'm assuming that's where the mines are. "Or do the trains stop somewhere else first?" ~

"They go right into the main area of town first, because having the burning coal in the trains by the mines is a safety hazard. Then, the workers usually transport the coal from the minds to the square. It isn't all too far from the Seam, so it's not a far distance. But the stop'll be in town, for sure. I remember many sleepless nights because the trains would be sitting there for hours." I swallow nervously. "We're basically going to be let off a block away from my house." ~

"Oh..." I consider asking him if we can stop off at his family's bakery for some food, but I think he wants me to be serious for now, so I don't. "Do you think people are going to be looking for us? If so, we _really_ have to hide." ~

"I don't know for sure. We can look out when the train arrives. It depends on what the Capitol did. Everyone knows by this point that they haven't executed me yet...unless they say that they did and say they wanted it private so they didn't start a revolution or anything. We need food and shelter _immediately._" ~

"Food sounds good right about now..." Sometimes I couldn't even move because I was so hungry. The lack of food reminded me of my eating patterns after the Games, when I refused to eat. "I don't know how to sneak out. If anything, I'd be able to hide somewhere, but getting out unseen is the problem." ~

"I know the area well enough that I should be able to get us out." I pause. "And I know where we could hide, but...I wanted to run it by you, first." ~

"Shoot." I tell him, wondering where our possible future hideout is. ~

"Well... Before the torture, the Capitol brought me into this room, and my father and brothers were there. I got to say goodbye before everything. And my father had told me to thank you for everything you've done for me..and if you ever needed anything, you had someone looking out for you in District Twelve." ~

I take a deep breath before asking, "Peeta, what are you saying?" ~

"I'm saying that he doesn't _hate you_, first of all." I laugh a little. "But really, I'm saying that we could get food and stay there, at least until tonight...then we can go out into the woods and find whatever we're looking for." ~

"You don't think someone will check there?" It could be safe for a day, maybe two. As long as we leave soon, as he suggests, then maybe it could work. "What about your mom?" ~

"She's usually out midday, doing who cares what. So you can knock on the door to the bakery, and be sure that whoever answers _won't_ kill you or want you dead." I joke. ~

"Do people usually frequent the streets around there? I mean, I should be fine, but...you have very distinct features. Not in the same way as before, though." ~

"No, definitely not." I laugh. "I can steal your stolen peacekeeper uniform...though I may be a little short for it." ~

"A little?" I smile, mocking his height. "It's a little small on me, so it wouldn't be _too_ large on you...despite you being a midget." ~

"I am not!" I grumble. "You're outrageously tall. We've discussed this before, Cato." ~

"And I stand by what I said. You're tiny." I laugh and start removing my shirt. "You wanna try it?" ~

"Might as well get your laughter out of the way." I glare, smiling and slipping on the different pieces. "It's not _that bad._ Just looks like someone in District 8 doesn't know how to do their job." ~

"It just looks like someone gave their little brother hand-me-downs." ~

"Shut up." I laugh, tossing the helmet towards him. "It'll do." ~

"Yes, yes, I know!" I say, catching the helmet. "Hey, where's your jacket? I want it back." ~

"Look down." I'd put it under his head folded as a pillow the night before, since it'd been very bumpy and he kept waking up in the middle of the night. ~

When I look where I'd been sleeping, I find the old, familiar jacket folded up like a cushion. "Aww, thanks!" I lean forward to pick it up. ~

Time goes by, and soon enough, I start to smell the familiar, burnt scent of home. District 12. "We're definitely here." ~

"How long until we stop?" This will be Peeta's first visit home since...well, since he came back to life really. That is, if he can still call this his home. ~

"Not long at all. Fifteen minutes, max. We came from beneath, I can tell from the surroundings. If we came from the west, we'd have a while to go. But we're coming from the south, so we'll be in main town very soon. Get ready." This is going to be hard, but it's what we've got to do. I slide the helmet gently over my head and stand at the edge of the car, looking out. "Now remember, I'm escorting you, if anyone asks." ~

"Peeta, turn around for a second?" ~

"Hm?" I turn and look at him. ~

"You look scary." I laugh, making fun of what he said about me the night I broke him out. ~

"How I _adore_ your personal brand of sarcasm." I laugh. "Get up, come on. Put on the jacket, we're getting off as soon as this thing slows down." ~

Shaking my head, I slip my arms through the sleeves of the jacket, zip it up almost all the way to the top, and put the hood up. It's probably colder outside than it is in here. "You adore my personal brand of everything, really." ~

"Oh, I do." I lift the helmet once and kiss him as buildings start to pass by outside. "We're going to go along the train. We're near the back, so head in that direction. We'll go behind the shops, and split. All you have to do is look depressed and make a left, and you'll find the bakery. I'll take a more awkward way, seeing as I'm used to the area. People will think you're going to apologize about me. I'll try to figure out what the Capitol said about me on my way. You just go to my dad. Don't say anything on me being alive or dead unless he does. Okay?" ~

"Wait, so you're going to leave me? What if someone finds out about you?" I relay his instructions in my head. Make a left. Find Mellark Bakery. Be sad. "I don't want them to take you away again." ~

I take his head in my hands. "I swear, I won't let that happen." I smile slightly. "Besides, this is District Twelve. The people are less concerned about me and more concerned about what's to eat tonight. And I told you, the Peacekeepers don't care. They shop in the illegal markets. Don't worry." ~

"Alright, I'll try not to." This place definitely would've been safer for us than District Two, yet, we made it for a couple months there anyway. "When will I see you again? I want a timeframe." ~

"I should be at the Bakery no more than ten minutes after you. Five minutes after you at the earliest." I laugh. "If I'm fifteen seconds late, please don't freak out." The train begins to slow down, and I clearly recognize where we are. If I look close enough, I can already see the bakery. ~

As the train slows down, I look out the crack in the door. It's starting to look familiar already and I was only here once. "So, this is it?" ~

"This is it." I take his hand and slide open the door slightly. "We're going to jump here, okay?" ~

"Okay. Good luck." I give him a quick hug. ~

I grip him tightly, and we take a jump off of the slowly moving train, heading away from its destination. "Get up to the main road, and make your left." I remind him. "I'll see you soon, love." I call to him as I run in the opposite direction. ~

As he runs off, I just watch him and laugh at his farewell. And now no more laughing. He told me to be sad, so I start thinking of his absence in my life after the Games. That's really the only thing that could ever get me sad enough because that's when I thought he was gone forever. I look around for a few seconds for the direction I'm going in, find the main street, and walk down it at a normal pace. My excitement makes me want to go faster, because I just want food, but I can't look too happy. Peeta said not to. So, I keep walking, waiting for the left I'm supposed to take. ~

It feels so weird to be back home after all of this time. As soon as I depart from Cato, I begin looking around at the shops on the opposite side of the main street for the familiar stand-there. Newspapers, exactly what I'm looking for. I don't have the money to buy one, but I glance at the headlines as I walk by.

"REBEL PEETA MELLARK EXECUTED PRIVATELY IN CAPITOL"

So that's your game, Capitol. Keeping this a secret? Just helps me. Of course, the papers were probably days old, but they likely kept them out because I was from here. I saw at least two people come and buy them, and saw the picture of me on the front, from all of my publicity shots as tribute. I see Cato at least two blocks ahead of me make the left, so I begin weaving through the shops to waste time. I can't show up with him, but I know what I needed to know now. ~

After I make my left, I look around for the bakery. It's somewhere around here, I know that-not because Peeta told me it's here, but because I saw it once while I was on the Victory Tour. I walk for about two minutes until I see it on my left. I made sure to keep away from most people on the street. I don't think most of them really care anyway, but just in case, I'd rather them not see me. I take in a deep breath before walking to the side of the building and knocking on the door. ~

A middle aged, but still young-looking man with ashy blonde hair and blue eyes answers the door, pulling it open as he speaks in a somewhat sad monotone. "You can come around the front door, we're ope-" He sees the boy who's knocked on the door. "Cato?" He questions, bewildered before quickly ushering the younger blonde into the fragrant building. ~

The second I step into the building, the scent of a million different desserts flooded my nose, making me hungrier than I already was. "Um...hi, Mr. Mellark. I wasn't sure if you recognized me or not." ~

"Of course." He replies, somewhat distantly. There's a silence. "So, I assume my son was able to pass on my message before they..." His voice cracks, and he stops talking, knowing that both of them can finish his sentence. ~

So the Capitol told Panem that he's dead. Good. "Yeah, he did tell me." I look down at my feet. No matter how hard I try to cry, it won't come out. ~

"I suppose...now that I have the chance, I'd like to thank you." He motions for Cato to sit at a small table in the bakery. "Are you hungry?" ~

I nod eagerly. I probably look like such a mooch, but I'm _starving_. "You're thanking me?" It's my fault Peeta was caught. ~

He nods. "I don't know how much he told you, but my son didn't have the best youth." He never uses Peeta's name. It hurts too much. He stands and walk over to the oven and pulls out a small roll, putting it on a plate and bring it with a pad butter over to Cato at the table. "I saw him smile genuinely more during the Games than I had ever before. And from what he told me, and those phone calls...you made his last months happy...and that's all I ever wanted for that boy. So, thank you." ~

I rip the roll in half and dip the corner of one of the halves into the butter, than take my first bite of food in days. Not only do I have food at last, but I get to finally taste the bread Peeta's always been talking about. It's as good as the cake he made me. "Thank _you_ for him, really." I say, wiping my mouth with a napkin. "He changed everything for me." ~

That makes him happy. He merely smiles and nods at first. "I understand why he ran to you when he woke up here. You're quite the young man, Cato." He sits. ~

"Thank you, sir." I finish off the entire roll rather quickly, and notice that I devoured the whole thing entirely too quickly. I nonchalantly push the plate to the side and wipe my face clean again. "So was Peeta." ~

The man shuts his eyes quickly and takes a deep breath breath on hearing his son's name. "Thank you. Now, if you don't mind me asking, what brings you to District Twelve?" ~

"I couldn't stay there...they would've done bad things to me. After his...death, they'd think this is the place I'd least want to go to." This is probably the place they'd want to check first, unless they think we're too smart to go here. "My dad is a Peacekeeper, too, so...home isn't really safe for me." ~

"We met." He looks out the front window. "He introduced himself, trust me. But you're always welcome here." ~

"Thanks, and sorry about...him. He's just generally hateful towards people." Well, he hates me and Peeta, at least. "I don't know how long I'm staying, but I promise not to be a burden on you or your family." ~

"Really, it's no problem." He stands, glancing to the side door that someone has just knocked, where he can see a white Peacekeeper's helmet through the window. "No, not again... They came when they found you two." He says, looking to Cato and giving a familiar horrified look that was definitely genetically passed to his son. ~

Confused for a second, I look behind me. At the door is Peeta; I can tell by the shortness. "What do you think they want? Hopefully not me..." It's too hard to keep my excitement locked up, but I manage.

He says, "I'm not sure." His face lost all color the minute he looked at the door. Actually, he seems genuinely scared, or worried-he and Peeta are definitely related. No doubts about that. Taking in a deep breath, he stands up and answers the door. ~

The door opens slowly, but I don't know immediately if he recognizes me. I don't think so, even though he's towering over me. "Mr. Mellark?" I smile beneath the mask. ~

_Peeta! Peeta! Peeta! _I want to scream, but I don't. Can't be attracting attention there.

"...Yes?" He hesitates on the word. Maybe Peeta's voice sounds different from not eating for so long, or_ has_ sounded different but I haven't noticed because I've been by his side for the past week. "Come in..." He opens the door wider. ~

I glance over to Cato as I step inside and give him a nod of recognition. "Cato." I turn back to my father, taking in the smell. I missed this place. "I have news on your son, Peeta." ~

I smile and nod back to him. "You." It's hard to hold in my laughter.

Mr. Mellark drops into a chair and looks up at his son. "What could it possibly be?" He gives the signature Mellark shocked face, gaping mouth and all. So that's where Peeta gets it from. ~

"He...misses you, and is really glad to be back home." I pull the helmet off of my head, once again messing up my three-toned hair, smiling widely. "Hi, Dad." ~

A/N: What do ya'll think? I hope ya like! Review! And maybe I'll update some more today! :D


	39. Chapter 39

A/N: LOTS OF CHAPTERS FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT HOORAY (Cato's POV starts us off.)

"Peeta?" He stands up and walks over to him. "Is it...?" He holds Peeta's shoulders and looks him in the eyes. "It's you..."

"Surprise." I say. ~

"It's definitely me." I smile at him immediately wrapping my arms around him in a hug. I missed this place so much more than I thought I did. I want to cry, but I shouldn't. I know that will make my dad cry too, and I don't want that. This is a happy time. The hug stings, and I flinch a bit, but I don't care. ~

I can't help but smile at their reunion. Peeta hasn't gotten a real chance to talk to his father since before the Games, not counting last week when he was about to die painfully.

"How...?" Is all he's able to ask. ~

"They didn't kill me...ever. You think the Capitol would admit defeat by taking that off air? We escaped." I whispered, looking up at him. "So they told everyone they killed me in private...to not make the Capitol seem more flawed. We've been on a train for days. A coal train." I pull away from him and remove the Peacekeeper uniform, revealing my simple fireproof shirt and shorts type things, also revealing all of the burns and scarring the large uniform was hiding. ~

"You escaped?" he asked in disbelief.

"I broke him out about an hour after he was tortured." I consider telling him that Peeta was insane, but I hold back from that. "And we decided that here was the best place to go." ~

I nodded. "They want me dead, dad. But I didn't do anything wrong. I told you that before...I didn't mean to do anything to rebel." It's true.

Though it's not like you object to that.

"No, not you again.."

You thought I was gone?

"I hoped."

You're still pretty screwed up, Peeta.

"I noticed!" I realized the other two were staring at me. "Sorry..." ~

His dad turns to me, confused. "What is he saying?"

"He's arguing with himself." I laugh. "He's been like that for a week." I turn to Peeta. "You have real people to talk to now." It's best to humor him. ~

"I know, I know that.."

I'll be here.

"Get out of my head!" I shout angrily. "I hate them for this.. I didn't do anything to deserve this." I look at Cato and my dad. "None of us did. But now they're definitely looking for us." ~

"You must be hungry." His father ignores him and the fact that they're looking for us and goes behind the counter to pull out a tray of bread. "Eat up."

I look at him, asking if I can have another roll. He nods, so I take the one closest to me and bite into it.

"I've missed you, Peeta," he says. "You died twice on me...please don't again." I know that feeling. ~

Oh god, I was so excited about seeing my dad again, I'd forgotten how hungry I was. "Thank you!" I immediately sit and begin eating the familiar breads. "I haven't eaten in like, a week." I admit, my mouth filled with something that tasted like cinnamon. I ate it too fast to look. "I missed you, too... If he had anything to do it, I'm not going anywhere." I motion to Cato. "He's always the one saving me.. Just now, and back in Two." I'm just so excited to be back, everything is just coming out now. "Oh, dad! You know, they use boxed cake mix?" If Cato thought I was adamantly against it, he hadn't met my father. ~

"What?!"

I look back to his dad and shrug. "I didn't know there was another way to bake a cake."

He gives me some ridiculous look that clearly says I'm insane. "Well, how did you think they make the mix?" It sounds like he'd be angry, but he didn't seem capable of it. He's just surprised, I guess.

"I...don't know. Peeta showed me, though." ~

I nod proudly. "And I made this really fantastic cake, but it's back in District Two." I say as I continue eating. It was really a nice cake, the cake I made for Cato. Lots of layers and stuff to represent the Districts he was in, with Two and Twelve being the most prominent. Maybe his mother would eat it. "Like my hair?" I laugh. ~

"I see your blonde is coming back." He ruffles Peeta's hair and laughs. "Don't change it again." ~

"I didn't have much of a choice!" I smile. "It was the only thing I could change when I was trying to hide. But I prefer being blonde. I don't feel like Peeta Mellark like this." My dad would always tell me as a kid that there's never genetically been a Mellark who wasn't blonde. ~

"I like it blonde, too." I was going to mention sex hair, but I'm not sure his father would appreciate it. "You'll always be Peeta Mellark, remember?" ~

"The one and only." I shove another piece of bread into my mouth. "I can't believe we made it here." ~

"Neither can I...you scared me half to death when you showed up at the door." He laughs nervously.

"He did the same to me when he showed up in Two a few months ago." I give Peeta a dirty look. ~

"All this isn't my fault!" I whine. "If I sent you anything that said was alive, and it was intercepted, they'd find me for sure." I look to my dad. "Besides, this was all pretty last minute." ~

"I know...you didn't even get to say goodbye," his father says sadly. "But you're here now, and that's all I care about." ~

"But...we can't stay. They'll look here first." I look to my dad nervously. "You know where I want to go." My father was the only person besides Cato who I've told about the things I've seen. ~

"You're going to take a chance with that?" He walks over to Peeta and hugs him tightly. "Good luck...I hope you find it." So, it turns out he knows about this mystery place as well. "Your brothers are sorry, you know...for everything." ~

"I think it's possible. If we make it, I'll call." I laugh slightly. "I really don't blame them.." I don't. As much as I want to, I can't seem to be really angry at them for all of this. "Tell them I said goodbye, okay?" I don't bring up my mother. ~

"So...I suppose you won't stick around long enough to see them in person." He realizes that we probably can't stay long.

"Tell them I said hi." I laugh to break the tension.

He nods. "I will." ~

"I wish we could stay longer...but maybe, when this blows over, I can come back and visit." I stand. "You can't tell anyone either of us was here." ~

"I wouldn't, at the risk of you being taken away again." He walks over to the fridge and opens it, pulling out a tray of assorted desserts. "I want you to take some food with you...you're starting to look a little skinny there." He carefully places the goods into a bag and hands it to us.

"Thank you so much, sir. For everything." ~

I hug my father again tightly, like I did before I left for the Games. "Thank you dad...I'm going to miss you so much. I love you, you know.." I'm going to cry. I predict it, and it happens as I know it would. ~

"I love you too...I'll miss you for sure, but now that I know you're alive...and with company," he smiles at me, "I think it'll be alright. I hope we get to see you sometime." He wipes Peeta's tears away. "Don't cry."

"That's what I always tell him!" I look at Peeta and nod. He knows it's true. ~

"I can't help it." I smile through my tears. "I'll do everything I can to see you again. I promise." ~

"I wouldn't hold you to that." Really? "But I know you'll try."

"I'll hold him to it." I laugh. ~

I look to Cato. "Should I just stay in this?" I hold up the white Peacekeepers' uniform. "There's only one way out of town into the forest, so we'll have to be together." ~

"Yeah. People would recognize your face, otherwise. It's the jaw." ~

I laugh a little, putting my hand on my face before starting to pull the uniform on again. "Yeah, yeah, I know." ~

"Well, I guess this is it..." I pat Peeta on the back a couple times. "Thanks for the hundredth time, Mr. Mellark. For your beautiful son." God, he probably thinks I'm such a suck up. There's no doubt in my mind that he hasn't heard me refer to Peeta as hot or sexy. He's seen me touch him all over the place, too, during the Games. It's a wonder that he doesn't think I'm a complete manslut. Good work on your child, I think to myself and crack a smile.

He raises an eyebrow at my comment. "Of course. He's lucky to have you with him by his side all the time." He gives Peeta another long hug. "Stay safe, please." ~

I blush a bit at what Cato says, then take a deep breath when my dad hugs me one last time. "I will. If it's there, I'll call." I step towards the door. "Goodbye, dad." ~

"You had better call." He laughs, walking us both over to the door. "Goodbye..." As he's standing next to me, he whispers in my ear, "Watch out for that one. You're the only steady thing he's had his entire life. Don't you dare wrong him."

When I look up at him, he's giving me a genuine smile. "I won't. I promise," I say. "Bye." ~

I turn and wave as Cato and I walk out of the bakery. "What was that?" I say as I motion for him to take a left out the door. ~

"He was just telling me not to ever use boxed cake mix ever again." I laugh as we walk to the left. "He said if it's not fresh, it could kill you. I learned my lesson." ~

A/N: I just wanna say that Peeto shippers are some of the most loyal fans ever, and hearing what you all have to think about our fic keeps us going. 3 Thanks so much for the support!


	40. Chapter 40

A/N: Here's more wonderful Peeto for you wonderful peeple. (Spelled wrong on purpose, starts Peeta.)

I laugh a bit as we make our way behind the shops. The area gets more ragged as we closer to the Seam. "Are you a digger or a climber?" I question. ~

"I could try climbing again, but there's no guarantee that I can still do it. Why?" ~

"It's your choice, you've just gotta get over or under a fence. I think it's easier under, but you said you could climb, so it's just up to whatever makes you most comfortable." We reach the fence by the forest and start walking along it. I smile to myself at the signs that say the fence is electrified all day. Yeah, right. Maybe forty years ago. ~

"The fences aren't on?" I listen closely for the hum of electricity surging through the links, but there's nothing. "I'll try under first. I'd hate to slip off the top of this thing." ~

"Alright then. It's not too high, but I'm also pathetic with climbing." I laugh. "And this thing hasn't been on for my entire life. When I tell you no one in Twelve cares...No one in Twelve cares." I laugh. ~

He means no one in Twelve cares about anything. Including him, I suppose. "If only we could live here, then. How long do you think it'll take for it to all blow over?" If it ever does. ~

"Could be months...years, maybe. They may not stop until they find us. But...where we're going, they won't find us. Maybe we could bring people there, after a while, you know? Start over." I muse. ~

I sigh. "I don't see why they have to be looking for you. They already convinced Panem that you're dead." ~

"I guess it's a personal thing, I don't know." I mumble. "I don't get it either, but it's probably to ensure their Capitol isn't flawed." ~

"Well, that's something they'll never be able to fix." I look past the fence into the woods on the other side. "So what exactly do you think is out there? What happens if we don't find anything?" ~

"No, we're gonna find something." I say quietly. "I swear, we will." I'm confident. Everyone's heard the rumors, but I saw things. It has to be more than just rumors and stuff. It has to. ~

"But what is it? No more secrets!" ~

We reach the hole in the fence. "Go under, first. Because if I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy, and probably leave to go someplace safe in Twelve." ~

I stop and give him a 'you're stupid' look. "You are crazy, remember?" I drop to the ground and squeeze myself through the hole in the fence. When I come up on the other side, I say, "I wouldn't ditch you." ~

"Uh-huh." I smirk as I crawl under, too, wiping the dirt from the white clothes. I begin walking, motioning for Cato to follow me with my hand. "They say to keep heading north, and you'll hit it..." ~

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me where you're planning on taking me." ~

"Can we at least get out of sight of Twelve?" ~

"Fine." I run up to his side and continue walking with him. "So, I got along nicely with your dad." ~

"Well that's a relief. But I'm not surprised. He seemed like he liked you before he even met you in person." ~

"I guess that's another thing that runs in your family." Peeta took a liking to me even before we spoke to each other. ~

"That is true. I'm glad, though." I pause. "Did he seem really upset when you first showed up?" ~

"Very. And...the look on his face reminded me of you." I admit. "I actually started to feel sad, until I reminded myself that you'd show up any minute." As we walk, the trees start to grow thicker and closer together. "He cringed a bit when I mentioned your name." ~

"People say we're a lot alike." I laugh. "Why do you think he cringed, though?" I ask, glancing through the trees, attempting to keep a straight lined path. ~

"I don't think he liked talking about you. You know, with you dead and all." ~

"I don't ever want to know what he went through, having to say last goodbyes and leave knowing I was going to be dead soon." I whisper. "He's been the only person I've ever really had." I pause. "Before I told you and the rest of the country, he was the only one who I told that I was gay." ~

"So...you guys were close." He told me his family was basically falling apart, but there were times where he'd mention his relationship with his dad. Like in the Games, when he said he'd only miss him. Or when he said that his father gave him paints for his birthday one year. "That must've been rough on him...having to go through that with you twice." ~

"I mean, I know it's the same for you...and I'm sorry about that." I smile slightly. "He just was always there for me, when I was a kid, and people were jerks. My brothers were more independent, or attached to my mother for whatever reason. So we spent a lot of time together, my dad and I." ~

"I understand." I was also independent for the most part, but I got along well with my mom. Now, I wonder how she's doing. "If you don't mind me asking...what's the deal with you and your mom?" I'm almost afraid to ask, but I did it anyway. ~

I stick my hands in my pockets. "When I was little, it was okay, sometimes. I remember her smiling once or twice at me for doing something good in school." I recall, thinking back a long way. "But, like I said, she always spent more time with my brothers. For whatever reason. They were more athletic, and more into running the bakery than making what we sold. But I liked baking. So, I started working with my dad as I got older and older. And...that's around when the gay comments started. The bullies. Everything like that. And I think she was ashamed that I wasn't more...masculine, maybe?" I go quiet for a little while. "My dad didn't want me to be the one to sign up for the tesserae. That was just one of many things she insisted were my fault. So I signed up, every month, when I became old enough. Every month. Even if we didn't really need it. So by the time I got reaped...my name was in there thirty times." There's a long, silent pause for a minute or two where all I could hear was birds. "I remember, when I realized that I liked guys, I went home, and immediately told my father. Neither of us suggested to tell her...I guess my dad knew, too. She was just always so mean. She beat my brothers and I, too...but that was all three of us. Doesn't make it right, but at least it wasn't just me." ~

"That's...no, it doesn't make it right." There are so many bad things I want to say about this woman but I can't. She's terrible, but it's still his mother, so I can't. "Well, now no one can be mean to you ever again." ~

"No, I guess not." I reply, still lost somewhat in my thoughts of the past. ~

"Don't let anyone like that bother you. Your life will get better from here...wherever here is." I look around the woods but it's all the same to me. "Can you tell me where we're going now?" ~

I stop walking and turn to him. "Okay, fine." I don't look him in the eyes. "You're going to think I'm crazier than I already am, though." ~

"No, you can't be any crazier than you already are." ~

"We're going to District Thirteen." ~

A/N: OHOHOHOHOHO REVIEW DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING DID YA actually probably a lot of you did k


	41. Chapter 41

A/N: One more for right now. :)

I stop short. "Uh, Peeta? Thirteen was blown up a really long time ago." A very long time ago. Before either of us were born. "Elaborate?" ~

"Told you." I sigh. "Since I've been young, people in Twelve have always heard rumors about Thirteen still being out there, somewhere. In the woods. That's why they don't want us out here. I've seen people out here, Cato. People who don't look like us in Twelve. I know they say it's gone, but...I've just never believed it." Thinking about my logic, I realize that I must be crazy. ~

"But wouldn't the Capitol realize it's still there? I mean, it's a whole District that was supposedly blown off the map. And how far off would it even be?" Like I said before, it's possible. But highly unlikely. "It's worth a shot, but I don't know..." ~

"Because, Cato, they want it there. Thirteen and Twelve were supposed to be right next to each other. We can't be too far." I insist as we make it out into a clearing...the ruins of District Thirteen. Damnit. ~

I sigh. Didn't I tell him? "I'm sorry." ~

"No, no..." I run out into the clearing. I was so sure. "It had to be here. I saw..." I run a little farther ahead toward a ruined building. "This was supposed to be..." I look all around at all of the nothingness around me. "Goddamnit!" I scream. There's nowhere for us. ~

"Peeta! It'll be alright. We'll...we'll work something out." I walk forward and put my hand on his shoulder. "We can look somewhere else." ~

"Don't you get it?" I turn to him quickly. "There is nowhere else. They're going to find me. Torture me again, probably..longer. So much I'll probably go insane permanently." I'm getting hysterical thinking about it. "I can't go back there, Cato. You've got to kill me." ~

"What?!" I yell and slap his arm. "Snap out of it! I'm not going to kill you!" ~

"What else are we going to do?!" I grab my other arm tightly. "I..." I drop to my knees. "I was so sure." ~

"You were just hopeful...which is good for you. You just can't let your imagination get too crazy. Then, you'd just be disappointing yourself." I take his hand. "Besides, I promised your dad I wouldn't mistreat you. Killing falls under that category." ~

I stand with his help. "Even if I ask nicely?" I mutter. ~

"No matter what you do. I won't let them do anything bad to you, Peeta. You're safe with me, no matter where we are. Okay?" ~

"...Okay." I'm still horribly disappointed. Still holding onto his hand, I begin walking through the ruins, seeing as we have the time. The only thing that's really standing besides the old Justice Building is a warehouse. There's a few random walls, too. But nothing to show that anyone's been here in over 74 years. ~

"I know, it sucks. But we'll find somewhere to hide."

Then, I hear a vaguely familiar voice behind us. Not one that I'm used to hearing every day, or even once a week. One I heard quite a lot of during-or, before-the Games. "Hello?" he says. ~

I know that voice. But it's way too clear and sober sounding to be who I think it is, so I don't turn. I keep the clothing and helmet on, because if someone sees me, and I don't know who it is, we could both be in huge trouble. ~

Against my basic instinct, I turn around. Slowly, but I do it. "Hi?" In the distance, I see an older man walking towards us. He looks familiar, but I can't tell at this distance who it is exactly.

"You, from District Two...Cato?" He asks.

"...Yeah?" Good or bad, I don't know. Just don't hurt Peeta. ~

I take a step away from the pair, just listening and acting like a typical Peacekeeper escort to the recent victor. That voice definitely sounds like Haymitch, but he's already being too logical. Maybe it's what Haymitch would sound like if he was ever sober. But why he'd have a reason to be-and out here, of all places-is beyond me. ~

"Weren't you Peeta's mentor?" I ask, as he comes closer. No, it definitely is.

He holds his hand out for me to shake it. "Haymitch." He pauses for a second, then asks, "What brings you here?"

"You know...just..." Peeta brings me here. "Just travelling, you know. Taking in the...beauty of this area. Whatever the hell it is." ~

I laugh lightly at Cato's comment and poor attempt at covering himself to Haymitch of all people. What was he doing here, anyway? I turn to face the pair while still keeping my composure and getup on. Yeah, it was Haymitch Abernathy. With a likely 0% blood alcohol content. I'd remember this moment. I nod to him in recognition, just out of respect as I think a Peacekeeper would. He did always say I was a great actor. ~

"Travelling? Sightseeing?" He raises an eyebrow and laughs at me in a slightly condescending matter. "There's nothing to see out here, is there?"

I look over to Peeta and think about what he told me he thought was going to be here. "Nope, nothing. Although, I do quite like the piles of wall and the scorched ground. Lovely decor." ~

Smooth, Cato. He doesn't really know how well Haymitch can see the truth through bullshit, and how much of a bullshit artist Haymitch himself was. But now, I'm just testing myself. Seeing how long I can hold out on my old mentor being showing him that I was still here. He's definitely next on the list of people who could know about this. ~

"What's your real reason for being here?" Okay, so he can see right through me. I hate when people can do that.

"I..." Maybe I can trust him. Peeta seemed to trust him. "I left Two because it was terrible there. I thought I'd get punished even more, especially after what they did to Peeta...so I came all the way here. Looking for something-anything-that I could escape to." ~

Once again, Cato tells a smooth story. Haymitch'll probably buy it this time, just because he doesn't want to force anything out of Cato. He doesn't really have a reason to care, now that he's back to just moping around District Twelve again. I cross my arms and examine my old mentor's face. He looks stressed, but not from the drinking. From real stress. I've always been good at reading people, too. It's what helps me when I have to play parts. ~

"Mhm." He nods. It seems like he believes me. But then, he turns his direction to Peeta. "Who's...your friend?" ~

I nod at him once more. I'll see if Cato can pull off some bull about me being his escort guard or something like that. Haymitch was the one that told me that popular victors got those, anyway. Either way, I'll show myself to Haymitch soon. It's just funny to me, seeing a battle of who can lie and detect the other person's lies best. ~

Does Peeta not want to reveal himself? Whatever the reason is, I won't question it, because he usually has an idea of what he's doing. Even if he's out of his mind. "Just a friend. I was pretty tight with some of the people in District Two, so I...requested that someone bring me here. Or, anywhere, I mean. I didn't want my dad to know, so...he doesn't."

"Is that so?" God, that sounds familiar. ~

I glance over at Haymitch. He knows something's up, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't suspect that I'm alive. Just that Cato isn't being completely honest. I'm really just in this to see him shocked for once. ~

"Yes." I glance at Peeta. "That's so. Would it ever be anything else?" Yes, it would.

"People make me out to be some drunken idiot." He smiles. "When I'm sober, I'm actually pretty sharp. I thought you would understand that, of all people."

"Yes, sir, you're a very intelligent man. I don't doubt that." I shrug.

"Then would you or your friend care to tell the truth?" ~

Some people never change. "I would." I say simply, taking another step forward, my voice still peculiar sounding from the lack of food. Great, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm really hungry. ~

Haymitch looks over to Peeta, who finally spoke. "Go on." He seems genuinely intrigued. Good. ~

"We've met before, Haymitch Abernathy." I smirk beneath the helmet's mask. "You have no reason to...distrust me, persay. But I'll say this. You never thought you'd see me again." ~

"Mom? Dad? President Snow? Peeta Mellark?" He pauses. "Finnick Odair?" He laughs. "Really, this is serious. I need to know who you are. No tricks." ~

"Well, you've got me." I lift the helmet off of my head and shake quickly, just to make sure my hair isn't in some horrible shape because of the helmet, taking a few steps forward. ~

"Peeta?" He honestly looks surprised, so I'm assuming he really didn't know anything.

"Surprise." For the second time today. ~

"Don't act so excited to see me alive or anything, Haymitch. Jeez." I smirk at him. Even though we didn't get off on the right foot, Haymitch was really my main support during the Games, and beforehand. He honestly did everything he could to try to keep Katniss and I alive. ~

He walks over to Peeta and touches his face. "Back from the dead again, I see?" ~

"You know me. I could never miss an opportunity to screw with the Capitol." I laugh. ~

"What'd you do this time? Fake your death again with berries?" ~

"Actually, this time, I never died in the first place. We escaped, so they lied so they wouldn't make fools of themselves." Haymitch of all people would appreciate that. ~

"Sounds like the Capitol. But they must be beating themselves up over there trying to figure out how you escaped from them twice." He laughs quietly at the Capitol's mistake. "I have to give you credit for that one. I taught you well." ~

"Learned from the best, didn't I?" I'm not even sucking up. Over this course of time, I've come to realize how important and vital the advice Haymitch gave me has been. "I figured you'd want to hear about that." ~

"Well, that certainly turns this week around. I should've known the second they said you'd been privately executed, that you were able to escape. They wouldn't just change it like that."

"Hey, you don't suck up to me like that anymore!" I whine. Mood killer. ~

"No, they wouldn't. But only you or I would recognize that." I look to Cato. "I'm not sucking up, relax. Haymitch just gets it." I laugh. "You were having a bad week?" ~

"Most of us have been having a bad week. When people found out you were alive, things changed around District Twelve," he says. "Now, what brings you two here? And don't say sightseeing again." ~

"What do you mean, things changed?" I question. "Here, like District Twelve?" ~

"You know we aren't in District Twelve, Peeta." But the question is, where are we if it isn't Twelve? "And some people were...startled, I suppose, when they found out you were alive and well and in District Two. I heard talk of a rebellion." ~

"I mean, the general area of Twelve." I sigh, still frustrated. "I...thought Thirteen could still be out here, and we could be safe there. But then, all we found was this." I refer to the ruins. "A rebellion?" I question. "Why on earth would people rebel?" I pause. "...Me?" ~

He doesn't mention anything about the possibility of District Thirteen at all. Instead, he says, "Yes, you! Whether you meant to or not, you beat their Games."

"And they're pretty pissed off about that, I might add." I remind him. "Who would dare start a rebellion after that? They must be insane!"

Haymitch looks me once over. "People like you would probably understand the least because you're on the Capitol's lap."

"Not anymore," I mutter.

"People have been in rebellion for a while now," he turns back to Peeta, "but it wasn't until you came back that they became more active, so speak. They think you're dead, so you're their martyr." ~

A martyr? Me? Why? "Are you sure, Haymitch?" I look at the both of them. "I mean...why me? There are plenty who died for the Games. Plenty who, in their own ways, defied." I look at Haymitch. "Besides, I may be alive now, but they're going to find me." ~

"You're the only one of them who made it out alive! That's when people started realizing how faulty the Capitol is...and if they ever find out you escaped again, there isn't a doubt in my mind that they'll be looking up to you for that."

"He's right." They both turn to look at me, to make sure I'm saying something serious for once. "Peeta, you played their Games on your own terms. People probably like that." ~

"But if anyone finds out, I'll be dead for sure. It won't be worth anything. Would it?" This is so sudden. Minutes ago, I was sure I was going to die because I had nowhere to go. Now...there's a rebellion? Because of me? "What do you want me to do about it?" ~

"What do you think should be done about it?" He seems to have an idea in his head, but asks Peeta anyway. ~

"I...I don't know." I look to Haymitch. "I would say that...that I could help. But...everyone would know I'm alive. There's no safe place for us to hide already." I mutter the last part, kicking a brick. ~

"What if there is?" ~

I raise an eyebrow. "Haymitch..." I begin, but realizing he won't tell me anything until I answer him first, I say, "Then...I would be more than happy to help the rebellion...and take down the Capitol. In any way I could." They were the ones who did this to the people I cared about, after all. ~

"We already have people working on it." He says. "You mentioned District Thirteen earlier?" ~

My eyes widen. "I knew it!" I turn to Cato. "I told you I wasn't crazy!" I go back to Haymitch. "It exists, doesn't it?" ~

"Peeta, we're standing on it!" I say. "You know there's nothing here." ~

"But, Haymitch just..." I look at my mentor. "Haymitch?" ~

"We're standing on it."

"Ha! He's agreeing with me!" I laugh, but then I feel bad because Peeta's right. We have nowhere to go. ~

My face hardens. "Then what was the point of bringing it up? Thanks for the false hope, Haymitch." I mutter. This is the dead, nuclear end of the road. "I might as well hand myself in. Nowhere is safe, don't you get that?!" ~

"It's still here, though." What? "Like I said, we're standing on it." ~

"There's nothing here but ruins, Haymitch!" I cry out. He confuses the hell out of me sometimes. "You must be drunk." ~

"I've been sober for days. I know, hard to believe. Come over here, both of you."

I look to Peeta before stepping forward. I think Haymitch can be trusted. ~

I step forward. "You, sober? Why...?" I get a bit nervous. "Thirteen?" I take a deep breath. ~

He whispers, "Thirteen is beneath us." ~

I look to Cato as my eyes widen. "You mean...underground?" ~

"To stay hidden, yes. The Capitol knows about it, but they can't touch you here."

That means Peeta would be safe here. Which means, if it's true, he can finally stop running. ~

A/N: Now starts all the new characters coming in. HOORAY. :D Review please!


	42. Chapter 42

A/N: Here's a really long chapter for you all in penance for me disappearing. :D It starts with Peeta!

"Really?" I can't believe it. "We'll be safe?" ~

"Really." He pats Peeta on the back.

"Peeta, you can finally live your life without the constant fear of dying." But without his home. Without mine. Without his father or my mother. "What you wanted." ~

"I won't believe it until I see it." I laugh. "Can we see it? I think I've had enough surprises for today." ~

"Well, you've come all this way. I'm sure they'll all be thrilled to see you alive." He motions for us to follow him. ~

Well, that's new. People-who weren't Cato or my dad, of course-happy to see me alive. I begin following Haymitch, and for the first time in a long time-ever, maybe, I don't feel worried, and just laxly take Cato's hand in mine. I don't worry if people will see. Or if this is the last time we'll be together. I am his boyfriend, holding his hand. ~

As Peeta and I walk hand-in-hand through the rubble of the destroyed District, all I can think about is him. He was right. District Thirteen is here. We're safe now, as far as I know. I can live. I can live _with_ him. "Hey, Peeta?" ~

"Hm?" I look to him, avoiding a pile of stones that I definitely would've tripped over. "What is it?" ~

"On a scale from one to ten, how happy are you right now?" I smile. ~

"Well," I begin, smirking and knowing exactly what he's doing. "If I said anything over ten, I'd be telling the truth, but I'd also sound _so_ cliche and cheesy." I squeeze his hand. "But I know ten won't do, so I'll have to go with...fourteen. That is, on your one to ten scale." ~

"Only a fourteen?!" I can hear Haymitch laughing in front of us. "No, no...a ten will do." ~

"I have my reasons." I smile, looking up at Haymitch. I haven't actually heard him laugh legitimately when he wasn't drunk and laughing at my or Katniss' pain. "What's so funny, Haymitch?" ~

"Your _boyfriend_ is ridiculous and over the top."

"I am not." I whisper as I look down at my feet. "I'm perfect...ly normal." ~

I groan. "One thing meeting me hasn't helped you with is your _ego_. You're still a cocky, charming bastard like you were during the Games." ~

"I thought you liked my ego. Without it, I'd be completely different...I thought you liked me the way I am." I fake cry and push him away a little bit. "I was born cocky." ~

"I never said you _had_ to change, I'm just pointing out that you _haven't_. Not even a little bit." I pull him back over to me. "I'm the one who pouts and cries in this relationship, anyway. Stop." I use his shoulder to kiss him on the cheek as we walk. ~

"You haven't changed, either. Even after the Games, it's still you. A little bit crazier, yes, but it's the same pouty you."

We continue walking for another minute until we reach that old warehouse we passed by before.

"Why did we stop?" I ask.

"Because we're there." Haymitch pulls the large door open and leads us inside. ~

Okay, creepy old abandoned warehouse? Definitely not liking this. But it's my desire for a peaceful life, with Cato, that lets me go in. "Haymitch, _please_ tell me there's a hospital in Thirteen. I'm desperate." I don't know if he watched on tv. He might've not cared enough to not watch, or cared too much to handle. ~

"That's where you'll be going first, of course." He brings us over to another door on the other of the warehouse and pushes a button. "I know you need that more than anything right now." ~

There's another thing going right. Things are looking up. Then I remember something. "Oh, and then I have to call my dad. And Cato wants to call his mom." I look over at him and smile. He never said it, but I know he did. I remember making fun of him in the arena for being a momma's boy, but after meeting his mother, and knowing how kind she was and how hard she worked to protect me...the least we could do was a phone call. ~

"As long as my dad isn't home."

The door slides open to reveal a very clean elevator-much cleaner looking than the room we're in now. The three of us walk in and the doors close, sending us somewhere deep into the ground. Very deep.

"So why is it that the Capitol leaves this place alone?" I ask. Wouldn't they have wanted to completely obliterate this place? It seems like what they're doing with Peeta. Can't destroy them the first time? Try again. Fail? Keep it a secret from the rest of Panem.

"They threatened nuclear war with the Capitol, so they compromised. Thirteen gets no contact with the outside world and plays dead, and the Capitol leaves them alone." ~

"Well...crap." I laugh out of nerves. "They have _nukes_? Are you sure this is all safe?" ~

"I've been here for about two months, ever since someone said they saw you alive. It's safe."

The elevator finally stops and the door opens. When we step out, I take a good look at the place. There are actually living _people_ here. People who don't want to kill us. People who especially don't want to kill Peeta. "Wow..." Never in my life had I imagined this would be hiding here for seventy-four years. ~

As we walk out of the elevator, most of the people continue on their way. A few acknowledge Haymitch, but no one really notices Cato and I at first. The only looks we get are likely because I'm in half a Peacekeeper uniform. Haymitch begins walking more quickly to get us out of this densely populated section of the District. A pair of automatic doors close behind us made of some pristine steel, and we're in an isolated hallway headed towards another elevator that has lights that represent up, down, left and right, but no buttons. I'm about to ask how we're supposed to use it when Haymitch rolls up his sleeve, and scans...his arm?

"You're lucky I'm supposed to go to the hospital now anyway. Otherwise, you'd have a hell of a time getting there."

The doors open, and we walk into another perfect elevator. "It's so advanced..." I comment. Even more so than the Capitol, it seems to me. I try to get a good look at Haymitch's arm to see what he did, but I can't tell as he rolls his sleeve back down. ~

"This place is _insane_!" I say excitedly. "I've always wondered what it was like to live outside Two, and this place is _underground_!" Okay, maybe I'm mostly excited because Peeta's safe now. I turn to Haymitch and ask, "Why do you have to go to the hospital?" ~

"Everyone has a schedule here." Haymitch begins, tapping his foot. "Lately, they've had me down in the hospital just to check around. Thirteen's pretty isolated, as you've seen, so not a lot of people get sick. So I have a fifteen minute watch shift, then I'm supposed to meet with the big guns around here...though you," he looks at me, "need the medical attention, so I'll probably page them down to see you." I nod in response. Everything's so meticulously organized. ~

"What about me?" I point to my face and roll up my sleeves to show my skin abnormalities. "Do I get to go with him?" ~

"Well then." He looks Cato over once. "You're a bit worse than I thought. You should probably get checked out, too, kid. They'll easily be able to fix those marks. We all saw what happened here." He leans against the wall of the compartment. "We've got television and all. But I really don't want to see what you've got under that uniform, Mellark. If he looks that much worse from television, I can't imagine you." I know he doesn't mean it in an insulting way. Cameras probably couldn't do much justice to the pain hell I'd gone through, or what I looked like afterwards.

The doors open to a large, flat room that's sectioned off by curtains. There are a few nurses and doctors around, and somewhere between seven or ten people in beds throughout the area. I jump on hearing Haymitch yell over to one of them. "I need a doctor and some nurses here _immediately!" _He waves a few of them over. ~

"What is it-oh!" One of the nurses who crowded around us gasps at the sight of us.

"I know, it's bad." I sigh. I don't care what Peeta told me. I caught glimpses of myself in shop windows; it's not that pretty. ~

"Yeah, yeah, I get they're in bad shape, now come _on_, people, do your jobs!" From the looks of it, I don't think any of them quite realize who we are yet. "He needs some cream or some shit on his arms." _Now that's good old Haymitch_, I think as he refers to Cato, who gets pulled away by a trio of nurses. "And you've got some work on your hands with this one." He motions to me. The doctor and nurses look confused, because not a lot besides my mouth is visible because of the uniform. "Trust me." I get taken over to a bed one over from Cato, and they lay me down. It's the first bed I've laid on in a week, so that's nice. As the nurses flutter around him, I turn my head and smile and mouth to Cato, 'We made it.' ~

I nod to Peeta. I mouth back, 'I know.'

As they're busy ripping articles of clothing off of me so that they can treat every problem spot, I ask them to be careful with my jacket. One of the nurses places it neatly on the the table next to me and turns back to me, only to stop again. She looks back to my jacket, obviously taking note of the design and the number twelve on it. "Wait..."

I don't say anything. I just shake my head yes to confirm her suspicion. ~

I wince and shut my eyes tightly as the nurses begin cutting the Peacekeeper uniform off of me. I hear the doctor's voice talking to Haymitch. "What're you doing bringing a Peacekeeper here, Abernathy?"

"Relax yourself...He's not a Peacekeeper." I hear someone walk away, and hear Haymitch's voice, a bit more faint. "Coin? Can you get down to the Hospital? I think you'll be interested. It's worth your while." I open my eyes to look around, and the group of nurses is gaping at my exposed flesh.

"Doc?" One of them stammers out. "You're gonna wanna see this." ~

I lift my head up and watch a doctor walk over toward Peeta's bed. "What is it?"

_What is it_? I want to know, too. I can't see past all the nurses covering my arms, covering my face. Washing cuts off my legs and arms. Keeping me calm when all I can worry about is what's wrong with Peeta. ~

I don't think there's anything more wrong with me than I know, but I probably look worse than anything they've seen. I look down a little bit, and see that I'm just as I remember-mostly red with burns, a series of cuts, and a lot of black charred sections. A pair of them separate to make way for the doctor, who I smile weakly at. ~

The doctor sends the nurses off to get more supplies. "What exactly happened here?" He asks, slightly gaping at the sight of the wounds on Peeta's legs. And for a moment, I can see them too. They're worse than I remember. It's a wonder he was even able to walk-I suppose my helping him on the train really paid off. ~

"Well..." I look over to Haymitch, who gives me a slight nod, telling me to be honest. "I was _kind of_ tortured for an almost straight twelve hours. By the Capitol...on live television." I bite my lip a little, waiting for some sort of reaction. ~

Everyone in earshot stops what they're doing. The doctor walks around the left side of Peeta's bed and brushes some hair out from his eyes. He steps back a little, and asks, "Peeta Mellark?"

And for some reason, everyone's reaction is always calmer than mine was. Well then. ~

"Yeah, I've been getting that question a lot..." I try to smile a bit. "Yeah, that's me." ~

Then, everyone's talking all at once and I can't even tell what they're saying. They're happy, they're confused, suspicious, untrusting, excited-every emotion in the book.

I interrupt them, saying, "_Please_, just fix him before it's too late!" ~

I turn my head to Cato. A few of them have made the connection between us two by now. "Don't worry...I'll be fine." I look up at the doctor. "Right?" I really don't know what's wrong with me, or if I'll be okay. I hope I will. I know I'll have some lasting damage...but I think I should be okay. Hope. ~

"Right...we should be able to fix this." Everybody is running around all over the place for medical equipment and the like. They all start gossiping with each other, asking if it's true, and so on and so forth.

When one of the nurses asks about it, I say, "I drugged a Peacekeeper, broke him out, and we hopped on a coal train to District Twelve." I shrug, but I start to feel the burning sensation of the cream on my shoulders so I flinch. "It was a bit harder than it sounds. I'm just lucky Peeta cooperated with me, otherwise, it would've been _much_ harder." Then I add, "He was crazy. Is crazy, I don't know." ~

"Was." I note to Cato.

Is.

Goddamnit. I thought I was done with this.

"...Is." I correct, frustrated. "As long as I live, I could care less if I have voices in my head." I sigh, wincing a bit instinctively as a nurse brings over a syringe. "I...what is that?" Ever since the torture with that white misty liquid, I vowed I would ask about everything that was being put into my body. ~

"It's just to help disinfect your wounds," she says. "You have a lot of bacteria buildup and...I hate to say it, but we're going to have to drain some pus from your body." Then, she turns to me. "You too, it seems."

"Great." I don't really want to have something 'drained' from my body, but I know it's better to get the pus out, so I'll leave it to them. "Peeta, you sound like you prefer talking to yourself over talking to me." ~

"Okay... Go ahead." I say. Though, the one upside of being tortured for so long? The needle feels like child's play. "I don't like it. At all. I don't like someone else _in my head_ who won't go away." I complain to Cato as Haymitch walks over.

"The President will be down in five minutes to see you, so you both better be on your best behavior. Got it?" I laugh. Haymitch instructing me on good behavior?

"Of course." ~

"My best behavior is subpar, compared to Peeta." It's true. I make one snappy comment, and the whole thing can fall apart. "But I'll try harder." The marks on my body are already starting to feel better, but I know they'll still be visible for a while. "Peeta, if it makes you feel better, I can pretend to talk to a voice in my head so that you don't feel so alone." ~

I laugh a bit at him. "That's alright, love. I'm the one who's crazy. Just behave." I sigh. "Don't worry. They have a president here?"

"Yeah, they may be called _District_ 13, but they're independent. Of course they'd have a president, kid." ~

"Would the president be mad at us for just...dropping in?" I ask. "I mean, this place was supposed to be a secret." ~

"Not when she sees him." He nods to me. "Any reason she'd have to be upset would be at me, and because I brought you here.. I'm fine."

"So she's involved in the rebellion?"

"You've got it. Thirteen's the rebellion's base." ~

Well, Peeta seems to be popular here. "For how long has this been going on, exactly?" ~

"Years and years.. We've just needed a reason to put it all into action.. Something to get everyone on our side. You two gave it to us." ~

"Us?" I never expected anything like this to happen. This is insane! "And the Capitol didn't suspect a thing? Why don't you just nuke them?" ~

He shrugs. "That's not the point. We're not just trying to destroy the Capitol...just stop the people there from ruling. Take over..and stop the Games." ~

Stopping the Hunger Games...wouldn't that be something? To think, the very thing that brought me to Peeta could be ending soon. There may never be a 75th Hunger Games. "The Games would be over forever? Then what would happen?" ~

"Forever. Then maybe everyone could go on with their lives in peace. Without fear for themselves or their children." He says gruffly. "We won't live in hell anymore."

I can't even imagine a world like that. It sounds too perfect. My mouth is gaping. "Really?"

"If things go as planned, yes." ~

"What's planned?" If it's something involving Peeta risking his life again, I'll object immediately. I don't care if it's for the good of the nation. He's the only thing that matters. ~

"Nothing particular, yet. The President doesn't even know Peeta's alive. It'll be up to her."

I never imagined I could be a part of something so big. ~

"Okay...but he won't get hurt, will he?" ~

"I don't see why he would be." ~

"As long as he's okay..." I say, "If he's good with it, then so am I." ~

"I'll do it." I say calmly, my eyes shifting to the elevator where the bell has rung.

"Best behavior." Haymitch warns Cato. ~

I lie still when the elevator door opens, revealing an older woman, who I'm assuming must be the President. When she walks forward, I look nervously to Peeta. "What's the meaning for this, Abernathy?" ~

He steps forward toward her. "Coin." He gives his traditional Haymitch grin. "I was scheduled to meet you at your office now, but I figured it's better down here." She already scares the hell out of me. She has a look that could kill. I suppose you've got to, though, to stand toe to toe with President Snow, anyway. ~

"Is that so?" She narrows her eyes at Haymitch and often looks over to me and Peeta. He's a mess, and so am I. "Why is that?" ~

"There's someone I'd like for you to meet...See for yourself." He waves her over to our beds. ~

She walks over to the left side of Peeta and gives him a once-over. They stare at each other for a moment while she bites her lip in thought. "It can't be him. Can it?"

I sit up a little bit so that I'm still leaning against the wall behind me. "It is," I say, "trust me." ~

"It is him." Haymitch says to her, crossing his hands.

"Um, I'm right here." For some reason, I can't break eye contact with this woman. "You can ask me, too." Jeez. ~

The President gives Peeta a pointed look. "Peeta Mellark, the one and only?" She holds her hand out to shake his. "You ran into a bit of luck getting here, didn't you?" ~

"That would be the understatement of the year, ma'am." I laugh a little, taking her hand lightly, because mine are pretty horrible. "That's me." ~

"Pleasure." She smiles for once, then turns to me. "And you must be..."

"Cato," I tell her. "Peeta's...yeah." ~

"Boyfriend." I clarify calmly. "He's nervous." I smirk at him jokingly. "I can't even believe this place exists. We thought we were _screwed_ when we were in the Capitol..nowhere to go."

"I ran into them up in the over ground ruins." Haymitch comments. ~

Before she questions, as everyone else does, I say, "I promised I'd get him out even at the cost of my own life. I did, we almost got caught, but we made it, but I know they're looking for us. And...the rebellion. Will they find us here? If they do, it'll ruin everything."

"Did you cover your tracks?"

"There were almost no tracks to cover. Just train tracks." I shrug. "I just...they won't give up." ~

"We took a train the entire way from the Capitol to Twelve." I say. "It was a few days, but we never got off. We were about two blocks from the tracks there, and only in Twelve for an hour or so. The only person who knows we're here, or that we could be, is my father. He was the one who told me this place might exist, and that's how we showed up here. We wouldn't be here without him." I miss him.

"What do you think?" Haymitch turns to Coin. "I don't think there's much of a problem with that...by the time they figure out which train they were on, at least a hundred coal miners will've been on it, leaving dust and prints." ~

"It should be fine, but they can't be allowed out just in case." Will I ever get to see the sun again?

"Um, excuse me, President Coin?" I start. "Before we start anything, can Peeta call home?" I look to him and smile. He misses home already. ~

"Just my dad, really..if I can talk to my brothers, that's a bonus. But not my mom. She'd be the _real_ threat." I laugh in a joking manner. "I just...I told my dad I'd try to call if I made it here." I smile back at Cato. He really is something.

Haymitch looks to Coin for some final word on the matter, since he obviously doesn't have authority on it. I really don't know if I'd want to live in a society where Haymitch had authority. ~

"I'll give it some thought," she says, crossing over to a table with what seems like millions of papers on it. "There isn't really any way to know it'll be safe." ~

"How come?" If she has any questions about my dad or anything, I'm sure I could calm her fears on it. I wouldn't do anything to put this in danger...not after everything the Capitol's done to Cato and I. ~

"What happens if your father doesn't answer the phone?" she asks. ~

"You can have someone else call first, and I'll get on the line when you're sure it's him." ~

"We have a strict policy regarding contact with other Districts," she says. When she sees Peeta put his head down in sorrow, she sighs, takes the telephone off the table, and brings it over to him. "But you aren't officially a citizen of District Thirteen, so we can make an exception for you." ~

I look up quickly at her. "Really?" I imagine my face is something of stupid joy. ~

"Really. Until you're sure, be as vague as possible."

"Hey Peeta," I roll over to face him, "if you get him on the other line, tell him I said hi." ~

"I will." I look down at the phone, my hand shaking a little. I put in the number and look over to Cato with a reassuring smile as it rings and I wait. Wait. Wait. ~

On the other end of the phone, back over in District Twelve, the baker answers on the third ring. "Hello, Mellark Bakery." ~

I cough a little, hoping that it'll mask my voice a little. Even though I'm already sure that it's my dad, I'm sure everyone else won't mind me doing a bit more to make sure. "Hey, I was just wondering if Mr. Mellark was in the bakery today, my mom wanted to pick something up for my little sister's birthday later, and she wants him to do some custom frosting work on it." ~

He sighs, hoping that it had been Peeta that was calling to let him know he was okay. "Yes, this is Mr. Mellark. What kind of custom frosting?" ~

I sigh, looking up to the adults and giving a nod, knowing that it's okay. "...Dad?" ~

His eyes immediately light up at the sound of the word 'dad'. He whispers, "Peeta?" ~

I give a big smile and can't help but to laugh. "Dad!" There's something so comfortable about hearing his voice again. ~

"You boys made it..." He laughs nervously and puts his hand on his chest as a sign of relief. "I was worried about you." ~

"I know, I'm sorry I didn't call faster..." I smile. "There's so much here, Dad. It's...it's amazing." I pause. "I wish you were here." ~

"Maybe one day, I can be." He turns around to make sure no one is listening in on the conversation. "I'm so glad that you're safe." ~

"I...I hope so." I take a deep breath. "I'm sure I'll be safe here." I don't know whether or not to mention the rebellion to my father, but I don't just yet. I don't think I should. Maybe if I can call him again, sometime. After talking everything over with President Coin. ~

"I think you will be, too." He smiles genuinely at the thought of his youngest son finally being happy, healthy, and alive. "Has...he been treating you right?" ~

I let my eyes travel to Cato. "Of course he has." I smile. "A perfect gentleman." ~

"Good. That behavior better continue." He laughs, but the tone of his voice hints that there's some sincerity to what he's saying. "Or, believe me, all hell will break lose." ~

"And you think it hasn't already?" I laugh almost too loudly. After all of my escapades with the Capitol, I think this can definitely qualify. "I hope things go well over there...I really do. With the bakery and mom and my brothers... How is everyone?" I really didn't get a chance to ask earlier, and now I feel badly about it. ~

He sighs and looks out the window of the front door. "They haven't come home yet, so I couldn't relay your message to your brothers." He bites his lip before saying, "Your mother...is the usual." ~

I look over and stare at the wall opposite us. "How...How was she when you guys came back from the Capitol?" I wonder if she completely ignored that anything had happened, or if she watched me on tv, or if she talked about it being a relief that I was gone. Was it sad that I expected the latter from my own mother? I remember having to go into the room to say my goodbyes to my family and not seeing her there. Maybe it was better that way. Because I know she would've either been overly fake or just not said a word...the way it was, I got good conversation with my dad, and really got to make peace with my older brothers. ~

"She had us make up for lost time at the bakery." He couldn't lie, but he really doesn't want to say that his wife couldn't care less. "It hasn't been very different with her. A little surprised, maybe...she laughed when she found out you were alive." He wouldn't disclose whether the laughter was based on the fact that Peeta would get tortured or that Peeta was able to outsmart the Capitol. ~

My father and I are the same person. I can tell when he's not being completely honest with me. "...You don't have to tell me everything, dad. But I get it. Same old same old." I sigh. "I've... Gotten used to it, really." ~

"Listen...I think she's changed ever since your Reaping. Not a big one, but...she's more aware of your condition, now." He pauses. "Do you not want me to tell her, still?" ~

"Yeah, maybe now she's accepted it, but it doesn't mean she's stopped hating me for it." I say, attempting a monotone so I don't get emotional. "I don't want her to know. She may find out soon enough, anyway. So...don't bother." ~

His father sighs and puts his hand up to his head, attempting to think straight. "I understand...and I'm sorry about that. But she's your mother, and you know she can never truly _hate_ you." ~

"I don't really believe that." My voice is rough, because I don't want her to hate me. She is my mother. But I don't know that I could forgive her for everything she's done to me over the past few years. ~

"I won't hold that against you," he says, imitating Peeta's usual statement. "If you're sure, I won't tell her." ~

"Thank you." ~

"Of course...I'm just glad you're safe. Hopefully, we'll see each other soon." ~

"I hope so, too..." I wish we could live a normal life here. I wish it were that easy. ~

He says, "Is that all?" ~

"No," I laugh. "There's a million things I want to say, but..." I look up at Coin, telling my dad this and asking her at once. "I'll call again as soon as I can...?" I say somewhat definitively and partially questioning. ~

President Coin nods, as Mr. Mellark continues to speak through the phone. "I also wish we could talk longer, but I have to get back to work before people get suspicious...but you _better_ call again. And...tell Cato to look out for you. I know you have trouble looking out for yourself sometimes." ~

"Right, right." I sigh. "Get back to the bakery." I laugh. "I'll call again...Cato says Hello. I'll tell him, but he definitely does anyway. Despite my best efforts to stop him. I'll talk to you soon, dad.. I love you." ~

"I will, I'll talk to you soon...love you too." He smiles at finally being able to talk to his son without the constant fear of him dying. ~

"Okay...bye." I smile and hang up the phone. I look over to Cato. "He told me to tell you to look out for me, because apparently I can't." I laugh. I almost want to cry because I'm so happy that everything is going so well. ~

"Well, how many times have you almost gotten yourself killed?" The berry, three months getting to District Two, almost turning himself in, and weird hiding places in my house while I was on the Victory Tour. "A lot." ~

"Most of which weren't my fault, or predictable." I stick my tongue out. "Thank you." I say to President Coin. ~

"Of course." She takes the telephone from Peeta and turns to me. "I'm assuming you would like to call as well?"

"I...don't know if that's the safest thing right now." As much as I'd like to know what's happening back home, who knows what would happen if I call? "I don't know." I turn my head and look at Peeta. ~

"It's up to you, love...Do you think you can?" I know Cato wants to talk to his mother, but I also get he's nervous about his dad being there. ~

"Well...what time is it?"

"18:00," says Coin.

"Okay, so that's about midday there, right?" I take the telephone and begin dialing the number to my old home. If it's the middle of the day there, then my dad should be out. ~

"Worth a shot." I say. "Remember, be ambiguous." ~

I nod to him as the phone rings. _Please pick up. Please pick up._ When I hear the ringing stop and breathing on the other end, I say, "Hello?" ~

"H...hello?" A soft woman's voice comes from the other end of the line. She stands in the kitchen of her home in District Two, staring at the TV, hoping for some news on her missing son. ~

I cover the speaker and whisper excitedly, "It's her!" I take my hand off the speaker and say, "Yeah...I was just calling to see if, uh...your phone was working correctly. You know, in case you were expecting a call from someone." ~

"Oh..." She says, dejected. Her son had been missing for about a week more, after the death of his boyfriend by the Capitol. She was afraid he'd run off, or hurt himself. If he was dead... She didn't want to think about that. She's been waiting for some call on his status, or news, always fearing the worst. "I'm hoping for a call." She says honestly. ~

"This may be the call you were waiting for. I have information about your son." I smile. ~

"R-really?" Her heart stops. What if this is _the call? _"Please tell me he's okay." Her voice is shaking now. ~

"He said he misses you and he's sorry about running away." ~

"He..." Suddenly, she knows the voice. "I..Cato?" She whispers. ~

"Hi, Mommy." I laugh. "Yeah, Mom, it's me." ~

"Cato!" She exclaims in a slight whisper, overjoyed. "Thank goodness you're alright." She slows herself to sit. "How are you? Where are you? Are you coming home soon? I'm so sorry about Peeta..." ~

"Mom, I don't think I'm coming home at all." ~

"W..why?" Is all she can manage. ~

"Because of Dad." I say, looking to Peeta. "We can't go back." ~

"...We?" ~

"It's Peeta, Mom. He isn't dead." ~

"W-what?" This is all so sudden for her. She leans her head on her hand on the table. "Is that why..." Everything clicks. "You ran...good. I'm...I'm glad. That boy didn't deserve it." ~

"I broke him out myself. If they find us, they'll kill me and torture him again." My voice starts shaking at the thought of him being tortured again, this time without me. "They're looking for us...even Dad, right? That's what he's doing when he's at work, I bet. Hunting me down to kill me." ~

"...All he said is that he's looking for you again." She whispers. "I don't think he would..." But she knows that he would. Her husband has always put work before family. "Are you somewhere safe?" ~

"Yes, we're both safe...better than safe, actually...please don't tell him I called." ~

"Of course I won't... I'm just glad that you're safe." She looks out the kitchen window to make sure her husband hadn't returned home early. "You'll try and keep in touch, won't you?" ~

"Yeah, I will...don't worry about me. Where we are is a good place." As far as I can tell, it's a _very _good place. "We only just got here...we've been running for a week nonstop." ~

"And...you're sure you're okay? That where you are...they...he won't find you?" ~

"Even if they do find out where we are, they can't hurt us." It's a part of their treaty. The Capitol has to leave District Thirteen alone. "How have things been? I haven't had a chance to see TVs or newspapers." ~

"Pretty quiet, as far as I know.. They have specials on about you being missing. A lot of people in the Capitol are upset about Peeta's...death." It was true. They didn't understand the concept of him being a traitor. They were all happy he was alive, that the lovers from the Games could be together. ~

"So everyone knows I'm missing?" If anyone in District Twelve cared to pay attention to me, could they possibly report me being seen around the area? "And they care about Peeta's death?" ~

"Yeah, but they assume you went to sulk around for a while because of Peeta. That you'll be back soon enough. And yeah, they do. They're not angry or anything from what I know... Just upset, and the Capitol is milking it for all its worth." ~

I look confusedly at Peeta. "Milking it for all it's worth? What exactly are they doing?" ~

"Specials, shows with you guys, finding people who knew him, trying to get the nation to stop trusting other districts. Showing that everyone has two sides. A side that may be sympathetic, and another that'll defy the Capitol." ~

"So...they're trying to stop, say...a rebellion?" ~

"I suppose so...but I don't know why anyone would be foolish enough to try to rebel, or how they would even get to chance to. Since Peeta made it out of the Games, they're on heightened alert." ~

"Yeah, well, he made it out again. He'll just keep escaping...he never dies." I laugh, making eye contact with Peeta. Five times, Peeta, remember that. "They aren't on high _enough_ alert." ~

"That's a good thing for you, isn't it?" She laughs lightly. "It's gotten a lot worse around here...I'm surprised they haven't been here, yet. They want heightened security in and out of Districts, less freedom for people travelling...you really made them nervous, kid." She takes a deep breath. "You just have to be careful. That boy cares about you. A lot. We spoke a lot while you were gone." She says seriously, before lightening up a bit. "And there's enough cake in my damn fridge to feed a small army for weeks." ~

"I know he does! He won't stop telling me that!" I laugh so much that my side starts to hurt. "That reminds me. What's my welcome back cake look like? I mean, if you guys haven't eaten it yet, that is." ~

"I couldn't!" She laughs. "After being with him for a month and seeing all the work and thought put into it for you, I couldn't eat it! It wasn't meant for me. It's extraordinary, really." She stands and goes over to the fridge where all the shelves have been removed to make room for the still immaculate cake. "He's quite talented." ~

"Well, I don't think I'll be able to eat it now...I'm sure Peeta wouldn't mind you eating it! I mean, _I_ wouldn't want something so good tasting to go to waste." How I wish I could eat that cake now... "He's the most talented person I know." ~

"I'll be sure to take a picture so you can see it somehow." She laughs a bit to herself and closes the door to the fridge. "I'll tell you how it is. He taught me how to bake, you know." ~

"Without the box, right?! Isn't it good? Have you had the batter at all?" ~

"Absolutely, when we were working! All twelve of them." ~

"I'm jealous!" Maybe they'll let Peeta bake while we stay here. Then I can eat all the cake I want. "I can't believe everything I missed!" ~

"Let me go find his drawing...It's somewhere around here." She goes and fumbles through a few drawers before finding a small, folded sheet of paper with a drawing of a cake on it, each section labelled. "There was...Dark Chocolate Cake, Angel Food Cake, Red Velvet Cake, Raspberry Cake, Lemon Cake, Carrot Cake, Black Forest Cake, Ginger Cake, Peanut Butter Cake, Cinnamon-Sugar Cake, Mocha Cake, and...Butter Cake. And the frosting was all cream cheese." She says, proud to have been a part of the insane project. ~

My jaw drops. "How could you resist eating all of _that?!_ And the cream cheese!" Peeta knows how much I _love_ cream cheese. "That's been in the fridge for over a week and you left it untouched!" ~

"I would've felt so guilty!" She sits down again, just happy to be having a semi-normal conversation with her son again. "He was crazy about it." She laughs. "I wish you could see it." ~

"So do I! I just wish I could _eat_ it." If we hadn't gotten into that fight when I got home from the Victory Tour, I could've eaten the damn cake! My fault. "You don't have to feel guilty now, though. You have my permission." ~

"Fine, fine, for you." She smiles. "I think your father's coming home for lunch today. He wanted to talk to me. He hasn't been around a lot." ~

"He wants to talk to you? Do you have any idea about what?" Whenever he says that he wants to talk to someone...it's usually the opposite of good. ~

"The only thing I could think of is that he's going back to the Capitol to do more work for a long time, like when he was away when you were little. This is exactly how it happened, then." She thinks back to when her son was maybe five, and his father going away for almost two years. Of course, there was contact, but it was rare. She didn't find out much about what he'd had to work on that was so important, but she knew it wasn't good. "That's what I'm thinking." ~

"...Oh." Well, shit. If he's gonna be going away for a _long_ time, that could only mean bad things for us. "The timing is very convenient, isn't it?" ~

"I...I suppose so. He's been a lot busier lately, already, though...It could be related, but he could just be doing security work for the Capitol." She tries to calm her son. ~

"No, it's probably because of us...I'm sorry." I'm about a thousand percent sure that if he needs to do more work for the Capitol, it has to do with me and Peeta. "But they won't find us here. Don't worry if that's what it is." ~

"I'll...I'll talk to him about it and try to let you know." She looks out the window and sees the usual black car. "He's going to be in soon, I've got to go." ~

"Shit," I whisper. "Okay, okay, um...we love you, Mom, and I'm just glad I got to let you know I was okay." ~

"I love you too, Cato. Try to call again when you can... Be safe." And the line quickly goes dead. ~

"She's gone." I push the 'end call' button and hand the phone back to President Coin. "I don't know what's really going on out there...she says they keep having specials or something on TV about us, and something about trying to get the Districts to stop trusting one another? And...she thinks my dad is going to be sent out on important Capitol business. We don't know what, though." ~

Haymitch raises his eyebrows. "Well that's interesting. Maybe we've got them scared, Coin."

I reach over to try and grab Cato's hand, but my arms are too short. "They can't do anything to us here, Cato." ~

"I know that, I know." I lean to my left and extend my arm out so that he could reach me. "But I think he wants to kill me now..." After everything, my father's never wanted to kill me. Never. But now, I think I pushed him to the edge.

"Scared or not, it's a threat." She takes the telephone away from me and sets it on the table near the wall. "Which is why there will be no more phone calls." ~

"But what if people outside know things? They could help protect us. If no one's allowed outside, how do we know what the Capitol is planning!"

"Both of you have a point." Haymitch adds in, probably knowing how important this is to me. ~

"But we said we'd call home whenever we could...are you saying we can't ever?"

"We already ran the risk of the phones being bugged. Twice; once for you, and once for you." She points to Peeta and me respectively. "You were vague enough, but I'd rather not risk it again. The whole rebellion could fall apart with one wrong call." ~

"I hate to say it," Haymitch gives a glance to Coin, "but she's right. We've been working on this...since I was in the Games. It's bigger than any of us."

Was Haymitch really being reasonable? Woah. ~

"But we said we'd keep in touch!" I sit up completely, raising my voice. "I'm not gonna blow her off like that!"

By the look on her face, Coin is not amused with my behavior. "We'll discuss this, among other things, tomorrow." She looks over to Haymitch. "Emergency meeting in five." ~

"Oh, wonderful," he drones on sarcastically. He probably feels passionate about this, but he's still lazy Haymitch.

"What's wrong?" I ask stupidly. ~

"You showed up. That's not wrong, that's actually very good and to our advantage. But it means there's a change of plans that should be discussed in private immediately. You two boys will spend the night here in the hospital." ~

"That's honestly a relief..." It's the best place we've slept in a week. And the first time I'll have a peaceful sleep with Cato in over a month. ~

Haymitch and Coin leave the hospital to talk about who-knows-what with the "plans" for the rebellion. So that just leaves a few nurses or doctors in the area, checking on us, checking on other patients that are in other rooms. "Peeta," I say to him. ~

"...Yeah?" I look over at him. ~

"We get to live now?" ~

"...Together." ~

A/N: YAY, HOORAY, WOO-HOO! I have returned and I come bearing chapters! Review! xx


	43. Chapter 43

A/N: This is for Katie cause she's sad. Maybe more chapters today, too. Cato starts.

"You look much better now," I say, referring to his skin healing. "Still...messy, but it's better." ~

"It's amazing isn't it?!" I exclaim, looking at myself. "It all happened so fast...I can't believe this kind of medicine exists!" ~

"Does it still hurt at all?" I start to move my arms around to see if they ache at all, which they still do to a tiny extent, but it's much better than before. I can feel my forehead throbbing in a reaction to the medicine. "It still aches for me a bit." ~

I haven't even tried moving at this point. I go to use my arms to push myself up, and it hurts like hell.. But my arms don't collapse underneath me. "It still really hurts..but I can move my own body again. I..bet I could walk on my own better, too." But I won't try, yet. Because I'm afraid to fall. ~

"Good...because I was thinking, after this is all over, whenever that may be...I wanted to teach you something." ~

"Huh?" I don't know whether to be excited or afraid of all of this. ~

"I was thinking that maybe, I don't know where I would be able to find one or if they already have them here, but..." I laugh a little bit to get it out of my system. "I want to teach you how to ride a bisickle." ~

I begin laughing harder than I have in a long while. "I'd like that. I'd really like that." I have yet to see one of these 'bicycles' or whatever, but I bet it's fun. "Are you sure I'm coordinated enough to ride one of these things?" ~

"Some of them have training wheels...though I haven't used those since I was five." I smile and climb on top of his bed. "You're coordinated enough for those." ~

I blush a little bit as I pull for him to come closer to me. "Ha-ha." I say sarcastically. "You're lucky you're hot, because you're kind of a jerk sometimes." ~

"You're lucky you're sexy, because you're kind of a wimp sometimes." ~

My face gets even redder. As far as I remember, I don't think he's ever called me sexy while on top of me. "Am not!" ~

"You are." I play-slap his red face and laugh. "And how are you still so nervous around me? Every time I say something to you, your face starts burning up like fire. Don't think I didn't see it all those times." ~

"I hoped you hadn't." I laugh. "That's a part of love. I'll always get a little nervous around you. You still give me butterflies in my stomach." ~

"And you still give me...certain feelings." I look down at a specific area, alluding to what feeling I get. ~

My face retains its red color as I laugh nervously and kiss his forehead. "I-I..know the feeling." ~

"I know that you know...you talk in your sleep sometimes. Not loudly, but...I hear things and notice weird things going on under the covers." I laugh. "I know you know the feeling. Trust me." ~

My first reaction is to shove my face into the pillow because I really don't want to know what it looks like. "Oh god." ~

"'Oh, Cato, love...stop teasing me!'" I mock him and laugh. "'There's more where that came from.' Seriously, Peeta, what the fuck?" ~

I can feel the heat on my face. "Stooooooop!" It isn't my fault. At all. We've started things that haven't been finished too many times for me to not think about it. "I'm sorry!" ~

"'Wait, no, stop! Let me get the vanilla ice cream first!' What was that one even about? What was the ice cream for?" ~

Why does he even sit and listen? For moments like this. That's why. Jerk. "Cato!" I whine, my face so hot it's painful. ~

I sigh. "Do you remember that I told you to never go into the drawer of my nightstand?" ~

"Maybe? I never had a reason to go into the drawer of your nightstand, so I didn't." I poke my head up at him. ~

"That's because I kept a notebook in there, where I wrote down every interesting thing you said in your sleep." ~

My eyes widen. "You didn't." ~

"It was a very extensive one, too. Just covering one month." I remember some of my favorites, but I don't think he wants me to tell him what they are. Some of them are so confusing, or so dirty that I have no idea how he comes up with it all. "Sometimes I'd wake up to go take a piss, and you were asleep, so when I came back to bed, I laid down and waited to fall back asleep...but you were so distracting." ~

"You're terrible." I whisper, giving him a hard look...Though I know I can't be taken seriously with the blush on my face. Him just repeating these things to me has brought the thoughts back into my mind, and now they're stuck. Damnit, Cato. Damn you. ~

"I'm terrible? Or I'm a bad boy?" I wink at him. Yes, Peeta, I know everything you say in your sleep, and I will use it against you. ~

Oh, no. No no no no no. I slam my head back into the pillow, turning myself onto my stomach. "I'm going with both." I say muffledly. ~

"Funny, that's what you said right after you said 'rear or mouth'. Dirty sleep mind, dirty real life mind." ~

"I-I didn't mean it that way!" In the dream, of course, I did. I definitely did. I can remember that one. But...But when I even remotely start thinking about it, I get very flustered and..yeah. I take a deep breath. ~

"I'm sorry for bringing all this up...I thought it was cute." I smile. "But I can keep going all night long if I feel it necessary. Remember that one?" ~

Of course I do. Damn. But I can't be blamed! I'm a sexually frustrated teenage guy with an extraordinarily sexy boyfriend. CAN'T BE HELPED. My heart is going a million miles a minute. "Y..Yeah." I admit. ~

"Dream-Peeta seems so aggressive and dominant." That is, if what he's saying is actually coming out of his mouth and not mine. "I can't imagine that in real life, honestly." ~

"Nope." I whimper. Honesty just sounds like the best plan right about now so I can try and focus on what he's saying as opposed to what I wish he were doing. ~

"'I'm going to ride you tonight like a rollercoaster.'" One of my personal favorites. "I didn't know you knew what rollercoasters were." ~

First of all, that was him. I didn't think I'd be saying the things he said in my dreams out loud. And second of all, I don't know what a rollercoaster is. But it ended pretty well, so I bet they're not so bad. "I don't. And that w..was you." ~

I was right. He's never heard of a rollercoaster until I brought it up one day. God, Peeta, you could've at least opened a textbook at school. Even I paid a little attention. "I didn't say that!" ~

"In the dream, you did." ~

Oh my god...first he says he's not sex-crazed at all, and now he's having millions of sexy dreams and actually verbalizing what I'm saying to him. Which means some of the things I wrote down were probably things I said to him. Well, dream-me. Fuck. "So uh...how do you think dream-Cato liked rollercoaster Peeta?" ~

So now he's curious? I didn't expect this. My voice is so shaky because it's so awkward for me to talk about these things out loud "I..I think he r-really liked it." At this point, I'm breathing really heavily. ~

"And how did Peeta like it?" I ask. "I mean, dream-you. I uh...already saw how real Peeta liked it." ~

Well, now that I'm being honest.. "Oh god, he loved it." I answer immediately. ~

"I'm sure he did. And you know what else? One night, you had a whole conversation with yourself. Well, not with yourself like how you have them now, but between me and you, I suppose." ~

I keep my face in its safe pillow hold. "D..did I?" It could be a million things. I try to go through my head to see if there's anything particularly...explicit, and there's a few. Let's hope this isn't that. ~

"It's one of my favorite dreams...whatever the hell it was." I laugh, then take in a deep breath before continuing. "I actually memorized it all, I reread it so much." ~

Well, I guess I'd find out. "Then I suppose you didn't disapprove." ~

"I approve of all dreams. I can recite this one for you, if you'd like." I nudge him in the side and wink seductively. Oh, Peeta. You dirty boy. ~

"I can't be responsible for anything that happens if you do." I warn him, peeking my head up for a moment, revealing my red face. ~

I look around the room to make sure no one is paying attention, then I quiet my voice down to a sexy whisper.

'No, Cato, I'm too tired.'

'But Peeta...you promised.'

'But I need to sleep. Maybe tomorrow, love.'

'I know you want me inside right this second.'

'Oh, oh, no, stop...I'm exhausted.'

'Well then, this should wake you right up.'

'Oh, oh! Faster...'

'If I went any faster, I'd probably break the sound barrier.'

'No, please...for me...harder.'

'Peeta, you better start doing more of the work, or I'll be a very unsatisfied boyfriend.'

"Need I go on, Peeta?" I laugh. "There's more, but...yeah." ~

Well, that was one of them. Definitely one of them. I pick head up a little to hold my head in my hand, and realize how sweaty I've gotten. And vaguely...uncomfortable. Cato. Damn. There was already something about hearing him say those things to me and not having it in a dream. Even if it wasn't in the actual context. "Y..yup. Definitely remember that one." I breathe out slowly. Why is it so warm? When did it get so warm in here? ~

"I'm excited for tonight. I'm always looking forward to hearing stuff like that." I move over to sit closer to him, and I brush his multicolored hair away from his eyes. "Although, on the train, it sounded like you were talking to yourself in your sleep. Like there were two of you." ~

"Huh...?" I don't know what that could be, but it's still warm here. Hot, really. ~

"The past week you've been talking to yourself, right? Well, that kinda infiltrated your dreams too." ~

"That can't be good." ~

"I'm sure it was good for me." I laugh. "There were two Peetas and one me. TWO. PEETA. MELLARKS. You know how in real life there's only one? In your sleep, I did it with TWO of you!" ~

"That sounds like some kind of kinky fantasy that you'd have." I manage to laugh a little. "I really wouldn't question it." ~

"You were arguing with yourself over who gets me." ~

"Well, either way, I do, so I win either way." ~

"I think I win either way." Except I don't win at all, because he's the one with the sexy dreams. Not me. Damn it. "I wish you were more assertive to use those dirty lines in real life. Then I'd get so turned on." ~

It's a bit late for that for me. "W..well, I've never really gotten the chance." I go to lay on my side by him, slightly..uncomfortable..down below. ~

"You do now. You have all the chances in the world." ~

"I...also didn't know how you'd react." ~

"The first few times, I was surprised...but I've grown accustomed to it." I laugh. "What did you think I meant when I said we had the best non-sleep? I actually meant you sleeping and me listening in on your kinky-ass conversations with yourself." ~

I take a deep breath. "I honestly thought you were b-sing that to bother your dad." I laugh a little, trying to breathe again. "I...thought you'd be freaked out, a little." ~

"Well, it was to bother him, but I'm being serious." I grab his hand. "And why would I be freaked out? It sounds like you're into all the good stuff!" ~

"W-well, I didn't know you were into that too! I don't know!" Now I'm getting visuals in my head. Damnit. That isn't helping my poor attempts at calming down. ~

Well, I like it very much." ~

"Well...hopefully, now that we're safe...we'll have time to put that into play?" I question tentatively. ~

"I...I don't know." Having all these sexy dreams confirmed changes everything. He seems like he'd be really into it now, when I'd just be casual about it. If he dreams about it all the time, it must be a really special moment for him, so I don't want to rush it. "Not tonight." ~

"Of course not!" I rush. I didn't mean that. "I mean..we'll actually get that chance. One day. We don't have to rush it...because we have all the time in the world together." ~

"Oh..." When I feel my face becoming red, I try to hide it from him. Goddamn it, Peeta! Well, that's stupid me thinking he meant tonight. Just...fuck. "Yeah, we do. All the time." ~

I laugh a little. "Oh, you're blushing now? Don't feel badly, at all. Trust me." I give a small smile. "My body says now, but my mind reminds me that we have forever." ~

Laughing, I nonchalantly look down to his shorts. "Your body definitely says now. Cover up." I take the bedsheet and throw it over his legs and torso. ~

"Think I didn't notice?" I smirk. "Not my fault. I told you I couldn't be held responsible." ~

"Well, we've come a long way regarding sex. It seems like just yesterday I was sneezing in your face when I first told you I wanted it, and now...we're still at the same spot." ~

"Just about." I laugh, still trying to calm myself down. "Not that it's bad. I'm...glad we didn't rush things in the arena. Now that I'm alive..I don't think I would've wanted that on tv." ~

"We sort of rushed things in the arena. I came out and told you I loved you in basically the same day, decided I'd die for you, and that I'd want no one else...I think that's a little rushed, to be honest." I really did feel all of that, but only because our relationship was forced to progress very quickly. "I still kinda would've loved seeing that on TV." ~

"But what I mean is...it wasn't to the point where we were fake. Or that we did something we can do now..you know?" I smile at his last statement. "I would've loved to see your dad and my mom see that on tv." ~

"I was about to say that!" I laugh. "Actually, I'm wondering what your dad would have thought about that. He wouldn't have killed me, right?" ~

"No, I don't think so... As long as you did everything after that the same way." I laugh. "I don't think he cares what we do as long as you treat me right. I feel like a girl." ~

"You're basically a girl." I grin and look back down. "...With a tent big enough for a family of five to camp under." ~

"I am not a girl!" I blush a bit at his comment, which I assume to be a compliment. ~

"You're the girl. Deal with it, girlfriend." ~

I grumble to myself quietly. I know that, in the relationship, I'd definitely be the girl. After all the dreams, I one hundred percent didn't mind being the girl. But that doesn't make me a girl. "I am not a girl." I huff. ~

"You asked me to play with your hair," I remind him. "That makes you a girl." Of course, I'm only joking. He said it first. ~

"That doesn't mean anything!" I pout, before turning myself over and pinning him to the hospital bed as I loom over him. "Besides, I said that because it kinda turns me on, you jerk." ~

"Are you trying to be dominant here? To prove you aren't a girl?" I stick my tongue out. "Because I'd love to see you try to out-man me." ~

I sigh frustratedly. "I'm not trying, I'm just attempting to convince you I'm not a girl! I may be a guy who bakes and paints and would definitely enjoy bottoming in bed with you, but I am just that-a guy!" ~

"Nope." ~

"I can prove it to you." ~

My eyes widen. "Nooo, I've seen enough of that thing..." ~

"Then admit it." ~

"You're a boy...ish girl." Before he can say anything back, I lean forward and kiss him. ~

As we pull back from the kiss, I smile. "You're such a hard ass." ~

"Alright, alright...you're more man than I'll ever get." ~

"Probably because you're so manly." I laugh. "You have to attract girly guys, to balance things out!" ~

"No, you're just very manly in general. With all your...uh..." There's nothing. "With how many times you get it up when you see me?" ~

"Okay, you're still a jerk." I laugh and go to lay beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. "My jerk." I yawn. ~

"Hey, I have a question." ~

"Go ahead." I shut my eyes. ~

"Have you had any sexy dreams with me jumping out of a cake?" It's possible. ~

"No!" I laugh, hitting him playfully. "Though there has been frosting." ~

"Frosting on me? Or on you?" ~

"Everywhere." I admit, laughing a little nervously. ~

"Cream cheese or chocolate?" ~

"Both, of course." ~

"Yum." I laugh and lay my head on his. "I love you so much." ~

"I love you too!" I smile. "I'm so happy we're here." ~

"So happy you could die." I kiss the side of his head. "Speaking of dying, what do you think about this rebellion?" ~

"I...don't know. I think it's incredible, and if it works, it's fantastic!" I say. "The Capitol is the reason for everything bad that's happened to us... To everyone." ~

"Do you think there will be a lot of fighting?" ~

"I hope not.. But I think there will be." ~

I take a deep breath. I don't even have to think about my decision. "If there is, I wanna fight." ~

A/N: THERE YOU GO, NOW REVIEW.


	44. Chapter 44

A/N: You had to expect this coming. You had to. Peeta starts.

"No." That's my first and immediate response. We were so close to being perfectly happy. So close. ~

"Yes. If they need me, I'll be doing it for you. I'll fight for you, Peeta." ~

"Haven't we fought and suffered enough?!" I sit up. I can't let him do this. I won't. ~

"I can do it, though!" I'm so sure I can get it done. Whatever Coin wants me to do, I'll do it. "It's something that I have to do!" ~

"You've done so much already!" I cry. "You said you'd only do this if I didn't get hurt, and I have the same condition! I'm not helping them if you insist on fighting." I whisper the last part. ~

"Peeta, I want to! The more I help, the faster we can get over this and we can live a normal life finally." I sit up and climb out of the bed. "Isn't that what you wanted?!" ~

"Not at risk of your life!" I snap. "That is not what I wanted! I'm willing to wait as long as I know we're safe!" ~

"I'm doing it for me, too, okay?!" I'm raising my voice more and more. "This isn't all about what you want!" ~

"I never said it was! You asked if it was what I wanted.. And it wasn't." I sigh. "It's not at all." I turn away from him. ~

"Listen to me! If I'm asked to do something, I'll do it. Even if I'm not..." This is something that I need to do. No matter what Peeta says, it probably won't change my mind. This is bigger than the two of us. "I want to kill him, Peeta." ~

"Even if it meant leaving me? Maybe forever?" I whisper, tucking my legs up to my chest. ~

"I could never leave you forever. All I'm saying is that I need to do this no matter what, okay? I love you Peeta, but..." ~

"...but there are more important things. I get it." I put my head on my knees. "What if you die out there?" ~

"No, no! You're the most important thing, I swear! But...they're the reason for all of the bad things that have happened to you. It's personal now." ~

"I never asked you to put your life on the line for me like this," I mutter. "I don't want you to." I may be acting selfish, but I don't care. ~

"You didn't have to." I walk over next to him and reach up to play with his hair in an attempt to calm him down. "I'm sorry." ~

I want to turn and hug him. Hold him and never let him go, never let him go to fight. But I can't. Maybe if he thinks I don't care, he'll stop caring enough to not go and fight. Maybe if I stay upset long enough, he'll stay safe until this is all over. "I think you should go to bed. It's been a long day." I know it isn't nighttime, but I just don't want to talk about this or think about this anymore. ~

"I'm not tired, though...and we aren't finished with this." ~

"I'm finished with this, Cato." ~

I grab his wrist and forcibly turn him to face me. "Well, I'm not!" ~

"Let. Go. Of. Me." I hiss, glaring at him. I don't let out the yelp of pain I wanted to when he grabbed me, but I wouldn't, and my eyes water just slightly. I'm hurt. That's what I feel. I'm hurt. ~

"No!" I pull him closer to me. "We're not done talking about this! At least I'm even letting you know!" ~

"I'm done talking," I get out. ~

Going by instinct, I grab him and throw him onto the bed. Then, I climb on top and pin his arms down to the mattress so that he couldn't get out. "Peeta!" ~

I clamp my mouth shut and shake my head. I won't give into this. I can't lose him. He can't die. Even if it makes him hate me, I won't let him die. ~

"You can't stop me." ~

"Then what do you want me to say?" ~

"I WAS JUST LETTING YOU FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO!" ~

"AND I SAID WHAT I THOUGHT! THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO SAY, CATO! I DON'T FUCKING CARE!" ~

"Shut the fuck up, you asshole!" I look out the door because he's drawing attention to us. And he only swears like that when he's very angry with me. I don't care. "I don't care what you want me to do, or what you don't want me to do." ~

"Now I'm an asshole, great. And I don't care what you do anymore." I pause and think before saying what I'm going to say. It could save his life. That's all I care about right now. "I don't give a damn what you do. Go out there, fight. Get yourself killed for all I care." ~

Alright, that's it. "Fine. You know what? I'll make it out alive." I get off of him and begin walking over to one of the empty beds about twenty feet away from his. "And I won't come back for you, if that's how you feel." ~

"Don't!" I yell back to him. "I don't want you to come back!" It's breaking my heart. But...it's for our own good. And, at the last moment where I need to stay sane...I break. "I don't care about you!" My voice is shaking and.. "I won't follow you anymore!" It cracks. ~

"I never wanted you to!" I hate him. I hate him. I hate Peeta Mellark. That's what I'm thinking, but it's more like I hate how he's acting right now. "You couldn't have just died in the Games like I wanted you to?!" I don't know what I feel right now, but it isn't exactly happiness and pretty rainbows. "You should've just stayed dead!" Now I'm just horrible. I'm completely out of my mind, now. ~

"Guess it was just your luck, right?! Then why did you stick around?! Just to fuck with me? Maybe I am better off dead." I'm about to break into tears. I turn away from him and lay on the bed, cold and alone. "I hate you, Cato. Get out of my life." ~

He hates me. Just what I wanted. And maybe, maybe I hate how he's acting a little bit, too. No matter how I feel, love him or hate him, I can't stop the stream of horrible comments from leaving my mouth. "I hope that before I kill him, he finds you and beats your scrawny ass to a bloody pulp." I just wanted to go fight for him, for me...and he refuses to let me make my own decision. That's all I wanted. "I stuck around because I thought you were special, but you're not! Now I see what everyone else in Twelve saw in you. NOTHING!" I kick the leg of the bed near me and jump onto the mattress. "I hope your ugly ass never gets better. You won't be able to get along without me. You need me. But you won't have me ever again, if that's how you'd like it to be?" ~

If there were scars to reopen, he opened every one of them. "I hope I die here. I hope I die here, and you regret it for the rest of your life. That this is how you go. That this...this was the last moment of us." I'm crying now. I'm crying because I don't know how something so perfect could have gone wrong. He is perfect. But he loves me too much. More than he loves himself. That he'll die for me. And I can't let him. I may say it, but I could never hate him. When I said forever...I meant forever. But he had to hate me. It was the only way he could live, and, subsequently, the only way I could live. "We're done." ~

"Stop crying! Goddamn it, just stop crying!" I don't know if I hate him for being such a crybaby, or if it breaks my heart to hear him cry. "We're far past done! I hate you so fucking much I can't even stand it!" I don't know if I do or not, or what I'm doing... "And you want to die here? That's quite alright with me. I'd hold you to that." ~

"Why?! Hate to admit you actually cared about me at one point?!" I cry out. "I...could never hate you. I will always love you. I promise." I whisper out of his earshot. ~

"I never cared about you!" I can't remember the time when I did.

No, I do care.

"You were just...a mistake!" The biggest mistake of my life.

No, this is the biggest mistake of my life. Shut up!

"I don't know what came over me, to have saved your ass all those times." Every time. "When I make it out, I can't wait to go back to District Two so that I could be as far away from your whiny ass as much as possible." ~

I stand up not saying a word. "Fuck off." I go to run out of the room, despite protests from the doctor and nurses, but before I reach the elevator my legs give out from beneath me-just as I feared-and I smash to the ground with a cry of pain. Fuck, it hurts. Now that I think about it...they did tell me not to try and stand. ~

I'm not even gonna help him up. "Serves you right!" I don't care, I do care. I hate him, I love him. I don't even want to care or love him anymore. It's too hard and I feel like dying right now. ~

Tears are pouring down my face as the doctors come to pick me up from the ground-from both emotional and physical pain. They lay me in the bed and tell me not to move and to stop yelling, and put some kind of iv in my arm. So I look over to Cato, and say loud enough for him to hear, but without straining my voice, "Emotional and physical checkmate, Cato." ~

A/N: D: REVIEW!


	45. Chapter 45

A/N: You...know the drill. Cato starts this chapter. This is probably the last for today.

"Stop," I sob. "Just stop it. I'm sorry." There's a bit of truth to what I'm saying. ~

"Don't lie... Even if you hate me, you...you still said no more lies." ~

"I don't know what I feel anymore." ~

"You said you hated me. And it sounded pretty honest," I whisper, not looking at him. ~

"You said you hated me first!" ~

I can't give this up now. "That doesn't mean anything." ~

"So you're saying you honestly hate me?" I'm saying that I hate him. Is that true? "Are you saying that?" ~

No. No, I don't. "Why do you even care?" ~

"I'm not saying that I care! Just tell the truth, Peeta. I know you're incapable of hating me. Just admit it." ~

"I do," I say flatly. "I hate you, Cato. You're a stuck up ass who has an ego bigger than Panem. You think you're hot shit, when really, all you know how to do is be a heartless killer who uses people for your amusement and fucks with their emotions!" I cry out. "I was stupid to even love you in the first place!" I was. He could've lived a great life if I never got involved. ~

Well, that hurt. "Funny," I say. Maybe I don't hate him. I've always loved him before, and I swore nothing would ruin that. "I'm not a heartless killer!" ~

No, you're not. You're a good guy. "You just said you wanted me dead in the Games when all you did was swear you'd love me!" ~

"I don't know, okay!" I push a pillow into my face. "I don't hate you," I mumble into the pillow. ~

"Then why did you say all those terrible things to me?!" ~

"You said them to me too! Don't be acting completely innocent, here!" ~

"I said them so you'd hate me!" I sit up again. "I said every one of them because I thought that, if you hated me, you wouldn't have a reason to go out there to fight!" I begin crying slightly. "I'd rather you hate me and be alive than die because of your love for me, Cato.." ~

"I told you I was going for me, too," I scoff. "Even if I do hate you, I'd still want to go out there." ~

"You'd leave me alone here?" I want to go to him, but realize now that I have the iv in my arm. Damnit. ~

"It's not that I'd be leaving you alone." Of course, it's about him. Leaving him alone here. Fighting for his cause. "But I just want this to be over." ~

"I get that. I know that," I insist. "But you know the things the Capitol does out of wartime. You've seen and experienced them firsthand! You don't know what they'll do with this!" I've seemed so selfish throughout this, but I need him to know how I really feel about it all. "..I love you. And...and you're not a heartless killer..you're not a bad guy." That's what kills me about it. He's not that person. If he ever was, he isn't anymore. He can't go fight. "They've hurt you so many times...how can you give them the shot to finally win over you?...to change you, to mess with you, to make you someone you never were?" I'm afraid that, even if he does make it back, I'll still lose him, somehow. ~

I start to cry out of frustration. "I love you too, Peeta! But I wouldn't let them...they'll never have us beat." He said so himself. "I'm so sorry, though...I do hate you? I don't? Whatever it is, I still love you...I'm so confused, and I can't think...and it hurts my head." ~

"It's not about you loving me! It's about you loving and valuing your life and who you are more than this stupid revenge plan! You've already started changing since we brought this up! There have been so many lies now-I can't even think about it! Either before or just now...!" ~

"I haven't changed! I'm still the same person you fell for in the arena!" ~

"You are, but... But the old you wouldn't have left. Wouldn't have thrown himself away." ~

"The old me? As opposed to the new me, right?" That means that he thinks I've changed. I've always valued his life more than mine-even though I did want to make it out of the arena alive, I knew he probably had more worth than me. "I would've thrown myself away in the arena, had you given me a chance without dying on me three times!" ~

"That wasn't my fault!" I go to yell, but my voice cracks. "You think I wanted that to happen?! I wanted us to be the last two! I wanted to protect you until the end! Then I'd die for you... Because you deserved to win. You had so much more life to live! Sometimes, I wish I died in there so you could have lived a normal life!" ~

"I didn't want a normal life! I just wanted one with you!" Whether a life with Peeta ever would've been normal or not, it just wouldn't be right without him. Or would it be right without him? With the way he's talking now, it seems like he'd rather be without me. "You deserved to win, too. And you did." ~

"You won. The world thinks I'm a dead traitor. I want a life with you, too, but we can't have that if you're dead!" ~

"Well, damn it, Peeta! I can't just do nothing!" ~

"You don't even know what they have planned! There could be more important things for you to do than fighting! Don't you see?! We set this in motion!" ~

"Well, if they do need me for fighting...!" If they do, I'll need to give it up for Peeta. Always for Peeta. Anything for Peeta. "I'm sick of you trying to control my life, Peeta...but I love you, so I'll think about staying." ~

"And...you're not lying to make me calm down or stop worrying, right?...Because I'm always going to worry." I look away from him. It's true. I can't help it. ~

"I said no lies." ~

"That you did." I pause. "Come back," I whisper. "I'm cold." I reach my arms out to him somewhat pathetically, trying not to pull against the tube in my arm. ~

"No," I whimper. "I don't want to hurt you again. You said you'd keep my temper in check...but I hurt you. In both ways." ~

"You're hurting me more by staying away..." I hold my wrist in my hand. ~

"Peeta, I need to sleep." I pull the bed sheets over my entire body, including my head. "I don't know what I want or feel and I'm confused...what if I hurt you again, like grab your arms or throw you again?" ~

"You...you won't," I say confidently. "I know you won't..." We ride on it. Our trust rides on it. "You love me. You said it yourself. Please..." I look up at him. "Just...just hold me. You can sleep here. I'd go over there if I could, but..." ~

"I also said I hated you and wanted you dead. You don't know what I really mean," I whine. ~

"You told me you loved me first...and afterwards," I call to him. "You've shown me you love me, if words mean nothing." ~

"I hate myself...please just leave me alone." ~

"...Fine." I pull myself under the sheets and stare at the ceiling. "Good...goodnight. I love you." This will be the first night that I've slept alone since the torture..and I'm not looking forward to it. ~

"Goodnight, Peeta." I just want to sleep now, but I won't be able to. Not with thinking about tonight...I really messed myself up. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself, or I hate Peeta, but the latter can't be possible. I hurt him. I told him I wanted him dead...which was going through my mind. I really wanted him gone, too. Maybe the Capitol's torture did this to me. Because now that I know there's a whole rebellion going on, it would take everything to make sure the Capitol is gone for good...and all I wanted to do was help Peeta live a real life without being dead to the world. And he's manipulative of me, I know now...or maybe that's just me. ~

I wake up multiple times in a cold sweat. Repetitions of drip, drip, drip. Or feeling as if I'm on fire. Alone in a room, with walls electrified walls closing in, soaked in cold water. A rusty knife dragged across my skin...My skin, getting peeled off of my body as I just bleed.

A sword impaled into my heart.

Everytime, my eyes jolt open, and I'm breathing so heavily. A few times, I lay there in silence and cry, tracing my hands over my body to make sure it's all over. And it is. But then, once again, the nightmares come again in brute force, giving my tired eyes no chance to rest. ~

I can't sleep tonight, nor do I want to. Most of the time, I lie awake thinking about Peeta or about the possible war coming up. It never happened because they needed someone like Peeta to set it into motion. Now that it's really happening, I want to...but I'd hurt Peeta if I died. I don't to hurt him anymore. Then, for some of the time, I think about how I hate myself. I'm ready to hunt down my own family member to kill them. I think war is necessary. Peeta told me that Cato is a heartless killer, now.

Like father, like son.

Maybe I should die out there.

But then the rest of the time, I hear Peeta wake up. He's crying in his sleep and I can hear his breathing when he wakes up. He's terrified without me, because he never slept like this on the train.

When he falls back asleep for the third or fourth time, I slowly climb out of my bed and get into his, being careful not to wake him again. "I'm here, Peeta." ~

As I feel spikes digging into my back, I suddenly feel a bit warmer. More fire? Oh god. I feel my entire body shaking violently as I quickly wake up again before things get worse. That's when I realize the source of the heat-another person in the bed. Cato. I quickly wrap my arms around him to make sure he's real and this isn't some sick continuation of my nightmares, and just let every sad thing I've felt since we've gotten involved in all of this out, crying into his chest. "I..I need you." I choke out, sobbing. ~

"That's why I came, you sad-sack," I laugh. "Shh, you'll be okay now." ~

That's him. That's my Cato, that jerk. My jerk. "Don't leave, please..." I look up at him a little and crack a smile. I'm just happy to be in his arms again. ~

"I'm so sorry...there's something wrong with me," I cry. "Please fix me. I'm begging you." ~

I pull myself a little higher and kiss the tears off of his face. "Well..." I pause. "It may take some time." I see the look on his face harden a little, but I smile and he realizes I'm joking. "But we've got forever, right?" ~

"Stop joking around." I can't take anything anymore. "There's really a problem with me..." ~

"I'm sorry..." I kiss his head now. "I am. I'll stick by you. No matter what. We said together, didn't we?" ~

"Did we? I can't remember..." My mind is so blocked by everything right now. Hatred for myself. Love and hate for Peeta. We're the cause for the rebellion...oh god. ~

"Oh, love..." I whisper. "Always. Remember?" I kiss him again, on the lips this time, for the first time in what seems like ages. I pull back with tears in my eyes. "Remember?" ~

"I guess so," I shrug. I want to kiss him again, but now isn't really the time. "Then why would I have left...?" Because I'm an idiot. That's why. ~

"Because you're upset, and angry... You're not thinking straight," I coo. "I would do the same thing if I were in your shoes...if I were insane, that is-because I'm not nearly as battle ready as you." I smile. "Then again, I am a bit messed up in the head. But you love me anyway." I pull him in closer. "It's not your fault."~

"Battle ready? You would do the same?" I ask. "Then why did you yell at me?" ~

"As in...I'm physically incapable? I would do the same if I was put in your position, I said...but I would stay with you if you wanted me to." ~

"And I would want you to do what you felt you needed to do." Of course I'd want him to stay, but I'd want him to do what he felt necessary. "I guess that's the difference between us." ~

"We...we are from completely different worlds, I suppose." And, I am the girl in the relationship. Needy. "Maybe I'm being selfish," I whisper. "Maybe I'm being stupid." I close my eyes. "But I could never forgive myself if you died out there. Because if I hadn't come back after the Games, none of this would've started. It's my fault." ~

"You didn't see me in the months after the Hunger Games. I starved myself, Peeta! I told you! It got that bad..." He wasn't anticipating coming back anyway. "Panem needed a rebellion anyway...I probably would've taken part if given the chance." ~

"But now you can take part in a different way-I..I...just try." I sigh. "For me." ~

"Fine...but you can't keep controlling me like this. I'm only giving in because you're so perfect."

Perfect. Something my mind could never create.

And the screaming, and the crying, and the manipulation...and the fighting. It only happened a week ago, so it's fresh in my mind now, even if everything else isn't.

But this night is such an emotional ride that it doesn't even seem real.

So I ask him in all seriousness, "Peeta Mellark didn't die in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, did he?" ~

"No. He didn't." ~

"Then why is he acting like that tonight? Did I do something wrong again?" I shut my eyes tightly so I won't have to look at him. "I thought telling you about my plans would have been better than not..." ~

"No...no. I just..." I look away. "If...if I don't give you hell about this...you have to swear to protect yourself. Don't...don't do anything really risky." ~

I sigh. "If I don't have to, I won't." ~

"Promise?" I open my eyes and look at him. "On my life." ~

"I promise. On your life. That I won't do it if I don't have to." I lean in for the kiss that I've been wanting ever since our last. "And you know how I don't break promises." ~

Of course, I begin crying again. Happily, this time. I hold my hands carefully on his face, keeping it close to mine. "Thank you...Thank you." ~

"Well...you were throwing a tantrum...like the little spoiled girl that you are," I laugh quietly. "How could I say no to that?" ~

"Way to kill the moment, love." ~

"That's all I've been doing for the past six months or so. Why stop now?" ~

"You're back," I laugh, kissing him again. I could kiss him a million times and never be satisfied. ~

I didn't know I was ever gone, really, but I kiss him back anyway because it makes me feel better about screwing with him and hating him and everything. "Whether I die tomorrow or I die sixty years from now, I'll always be with you. Okay?" ~

"Always." ~

"No more nightmares tonight?" ~

"As long as I can sleep in your arms again." I look to him hopefully. ~

I roll my eyes and laugh. "Come on, come on." I get under the covers with him and pull him in tightly. "I better be hearing about ice cream or rollercoasters while you're asleep." ~

"Well, it's one extreme or the other, right?" I laugh quietly. "I love you, Cato." ~

"I can't see why." The perfect opportunity for another ego inflation, but I pass it up. "But I love you too, Peeta Bread." ~

I fall asleep smiling. ~

A/N: Reviews are honestly so appreciated. xx


	46. Chapter 46

A/N: More chapters, yay! This one starts with Cato.

"Peeta?" He's already asleep. I don't think he'll be haunted by nightmares tonight. But if he is, I'll be here to calm him down. After all, I'll still be up all night, probably. ~

I hear his voice a bit as I drift off, but I'm already deep into sleep. The day was so long, and the poor excuse for sleep before this was horrifying, I was just happy to be with Cato again. I'm always happy to be with him. For a few moments, my mind drifts to the idea of him dying, but after about ten minutes, I push that out of my head and think about how amazing life together will be when he gets back, if he goes. ~

I'm guessing that it's probably three in the morning when I finally knock out. This is good, because I wasn't expecting to sleep at all, so I make sure to live it up while I can. I'm still semi-awake because I can register Peeta sleeping next to me, but I'm definitely asleep. I think of dying-both me and Peeta, sometimes only one of us-but mostly it's just us surviving until the end of the rebellion and living together. Living in Thirteen, in Twelve, or Two, I don't care. As long as it comes true, I'm fine with it. ~

"Peeta?" I hear a voice say as I'm asleep. It's not Cato, which disappoints me, but that means it must be morning. "Lovefest is over, wake up." Haymitch, of course. I slowly open my eyes, but then shut them as soon as brightness starts to enter.

"Whaaaaaaat?" I groan, stretching a little to crack my back. ~

"I'm trying to sleep over here, if you don't mind," I whine, scolding whoever keeps making so much noise. I need all the sleep I can get. ~

"Catooooooo," I yawn. "It's morning and Haymitch is here." I run my hand through his hair once. "C'mon..." Now that I'm not as exhausted and emotional as I was last night, I realize that we're both just here in our boxers. This is awkward. I could blush thinking about it-the last time we were really this undressed in a public setting was back in the cave during the Games. At least this was one district, and not the whole country. I realize the look Haymitch is giving me, and all I can manage to say is, "This is not what it looks like." ~

"What's wrong, Peeta? Embarrassed to be with me?" I sit up in bed, yawning. Without the blankets covering me, I feel oddly cold. When I look down to get the blanket, I notice that we're both almost completely naked. "...Oh." ~

"It isn't? Then what is it?"

"...Two guys who are dating completely innocently sleeping in the same bed together in only their underwear?" Because that's exactly what it was. ~

I put both my hands up in defense. "I swore to his dad that I'd be a perfect gentleman to him." ~

Did he? That made me smile, before I quickly add, "And being a perfect gentleman does not involve sex in a public hospital bed."

Haymitch immediately smacks his face. "Whatever you both say. Just...get some clothes on before I have to bring you up to HQ."

"But we don't have clothes. Cato has a jacket, and that's about it. The nurses took them all away." ~

"I don't mind going like this." I whip the blanket off of me completely. "I can always go for the jacket-tied-around-the-waist look. Or I can tie it around my neck like a cape like I used to do when I was four. Or just go like this." ~

"You may not mind, but I mind, the President minds, and the rest of the board here minds." He sighs agitatedly. "I'll find you both something, just get the hell out of bed already." ~

"Nooo," I whine again, rolling over almost completely onto Peeta. "Let me stay here." ~

Well then. After last night, this is already making me a tad uncomfortable, but I won't object.

"Seriously, get out of bed. Now." Haymitch puts on his serious voice, reserved only for when I was acting like a wimp during training or practice for interviews. "Both of you."

"I'm unable." I call from under Cato.

"I'll kick you off the bed, I swear, kid." He may seem like a lazy drunk, but Haymitch is honestly terrifying in combat. ~

"Fine." I continue rolling in the same direction and onto the floor. "I'm out, you happy?" I'm on the floor in my underwear. How classy. ~

"Ecstatic." He says unamused. "I'll find you clothes, you get shorty out of bed." He walks away. I open my mouth to protest, but he's so far gone that all I can do is pout. ~

"Peeta, you pushed me onto the floor." I look up innocently to him on the bed. ~

"No I didn't...!" I sigh, and look at his face as I sit up. "You rolled off." ~

"I distinctly felt you push me." Laughing, I hold my hand out to him to help me up. "Or, I felt a little something poke me and push me off." ~

I blush slightly before taking a deep breath and swinging my legs over the side of the bed and grabbing his hand. "Come on," I say as I glance down. Safe. "You don't really need my help to get up, but I'll do it anyway because I love you," I laugh. ~

I slowly pull myself up to a standing position and smile. "I just wanted someone strong to help me up. Geez." ~

"Well, you're asking the wrong guy." I laugh, standing. "But I'm happy to help." ~

"No, noooo! I asked the right guy." Looking up to his face, I see that his hair is completely disheveled from last night's sleep. "You need a haircut." ~

I reach up and feel the hair on my head. It's way longer than it's ever been in my life, but it's not terrible. "I got my hair cut...the day before the Reaping." I think back. "Yeah, that was the last time." ~

"That's a pretty long time ago. You know, at this point, you can cut off most of the darker hair. Especially the singed part." I take some of his hair in my hand and examine it. "Don't worry. I'd still be able to play with it and best of all, it'll finally be blonde again." I laugh. ~

"Yeah, my dad would be happy about that." I laugh. "I don't think the three colored look suits me that well. Maybe dangerous runaway Peeta, but the Peeta everyone knows is blonde." ~

"But the Peeta I know and love looks good with any of the three." I take the back of his head in my hands and pull him closer to me, giving him a very long good morning kiss. ~

I pull back from the kiss a minute or two later exasperated. "Well then." I smile, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Good morning to you, too." ~

"I knew you'd enjoy that," I say, smirking. "Speaking of enjoying me, how was your sleep last night? Was it okay?" ~

"Ha-ha." I say, blushing slightly. "Yes, yes." I smile. "Seeing as you had to ask, I assume you weren't awake to hear. Shame." I wink innocently. ~

"Awwww, damn it!" Whatever he was dreaming about, I missed it. But it must've been good. "Oh well...at least you stopped crying and stuff from last night...and about last night, we said things that may or may not have been said seriously." Seeing his face right now reminds me that I don't hate him and never can. Only myself. "And um...you said something that kinda hurt my feelings, and I've been wondering if you meant it..." ~

"Yeah...?" I try to go through all of the terrible things I said to him last night that I didn't mean. "What was it?" ~

"Do I really have an ego the size of Panem?" Out of all the things he said last night, that's probably the only one that I would believe. He said he hates me...which I know he doesn't, so I don't worry about that. But he's mentioned my ego before so this sticks out in my mind the most. ~

"Just the fact that you're asking me that means you don't, love." I kiss him gently. "No...I said a lot of things I didn't mean. I'm sorry..." ~

"Okay, good." I laugh. "And no, I said things too. After that last time I said I hated you, I should've learned my lesson..." Actually, the last time I said I hated him, he was going to turn himself in to the Peacekeepers in District Two. He would've turned himself in to my father without even knowing it. "Come to think of it, I say a lot of things without thinking it through first." Though, I was serious about wanting to go fight. I still am, but he'll never go for it, so I guess I'll have to stay here. ~

"I wasn't respecting how you felt and what you wanted to do...it was selfish, and I'm sorry." I look down. I still don't want him to fight, but if he must... I'll let him go. ~

"But I said you were the most selfless person I've ever met..." Has that changed? After everything I've done for him, I was asking for one thing and he flat out said no. Maybe I should've given my decision more thought. Maybe he is selfish. "You were just worried about me, like you always are." He was just worried about you, I tell myself, he isn't selfish; you're just being an asshole. "I was just being an asshole." ~

"I...have my moments." I say. "I want you to do what you want." I whisper. "I'm just always going to worry. I have to recognize that some things are out of my control. This is one of them." ~

He's giving me permission to do it. He's allowing me to go out and fight! "But I promised you I wouldn't if I didn't have to." This changes things, though. Now I have to think carefully about whether I should or not. "I promised on your life." ~

"That you wouldn't do anything unnecessary.." I pause. "I was wrong for making you do that. If you go...just be careful." I rest my head on his chest by his heart. "You're the most important thing in the world to me." ~

"Thank you so much." I take his bare back and pull him closer to me. "I won't go if they don't want me to...because I'd rather be with the most important thing in the world to me." But I have to go-I can feel it inside. I was born to kill, but now, I finally have a reason. Peeta's the only thing holding me back, and I'm completely okay with that now. "And I hate to ask you for another favor, but it's really important, so...please listen to me closely." ~

What on earth could it be? "...yes?" I say to him, biting my lip in anticipation. ~

"We've talked about this before, but times have changed, correct?" ~

"A...about what?" ~

Picturing his reaction to this makes me want to scream, but it has to be said. "Consider this...my dying wish, okay? If I do have to go out there, and I d-and I can't come back to you for some reason..." ~

My heart stops. But I can't react the way I want to. I don't want him to be afraid to tell me. But I can't help showing some of the horror on my face. "...o...okay.." ~

I take in a very deep breath and hold it in for a few seconds. He looks scared, but I won't blame him for it, considering what I'm going to ask of him. And to make the situation worse, my hands and legs are shaking just thinking about it. "If I don't come back...please don't die. Don't kill yourself, I mean-don't hurt yourself, or..." I stumble trying to find the right words. "If I die, please go on with life." ~

Somewhere in my mind, I saw it coming. Even though we said together, live or die, I knew he would ask me to. My first instinct is to snap back with a no, but then I think about what he's said. When he thought I was gone, he lived-miserably, but he did. Because he was strong. I was not nearly as strong as he was...but he believed me to be. Gave me confidence to be. And I'd have to be strong for him, too. I didn't want the only thing on his mind when he was out fighting to be that more than one life was in his hands. For a moment, I just look at him blankly, trying not to cry at the mere thought that any day now could be our last together. I don't want to cry. I am strong. Then, I kiss him. I kiss him with desperation as if it's our final kiss, our final chance at what was supposed to be forever. I hold onto him as if letting go would kill us both. When I finally feel as if it is safe to pull away from him, I realize I'd allowed the tears to flow during our kiss. My hands are shaking, but they're still grasped tightly to his arms. Our eyes make contact, and my shaking voice cracks out, "As long as you promise to wait for me. Because eventually, I'll come. I'll wait, too." I could never love anyone else as long as I live is what I'm trying to tell him. ~

"Uh huh..." is all I'm able to get out before breaking down. I almost started to sob during the kiss. Almost. Because if I go out there, I'm going to die. I'll die. The Capitol would make me their very first target because Peeta and I are the reason for this. They'd shoot me down without hesitation. Or they'd blow me to bits and send the pieces back to District Thirteen for Peeta to see. Or they'd change me and use me. Then, just pulling away and seeing his face drenched with tears...just that. "You better not be fucking lying to me, Peeta...I know it would be hard, but you can make it...maybe in the future, if I find that living is too hard for you, I can find a way to let you know you can go...but I swear to fucking god, if you're lying to me, and consider yourself weak, and take your own life-I'll never forgive you or myself." I won't. I would be the reason for his death, then. "Or...at least try three months after. Like I did. I made it, so you can, too." ~

I try to give him a weak smile, but I can't even manage with both of us crying now. "I...I said no more lies, didn't I?" I take my shaking hands to gently wipe the tears off of his face. "Please don't cry. Please. I promise, I'll go on. I'll go on and win this, and make sure the Capitol goes down for you." Because I know that's what he would want. It's what we both want. "If you can't, I'll make sure he's dead." My voice is shaking like the rest of me. "I'll see this through to the end. I swear on my love for you. I swear, love." My voice cracks on 'love', like I expect it to. I never lose his eyes through all of this. ~

"I'll stop crying if you stop." Because seeing him like this definitely isn't helping. "Thank you so much, Peeta. But, remember...I haven't left yet. I don't even know if I'm going...this was just in case." If he's this torn apart, I really don't want to see him if I die. "I'll try my best, though...I love you so much, no matter what I say. If I ever say that I hate your ugly face, that just means I love you so fucking much and want to kiss you all night long." I laugh a little bit. "Do what you can, but don't get yourself killed out there." ~

"You know I'm a big crybaby." I smile. "Don't worry about me...I'm almost 100% sure that what they want me to do doesn't involve fighting on the front lines." I laugh a bit, choking on tears. "I'm just going to think about it all as if I'm sure you're coming back. That when you do come back, we'll have all the time in the world. All the nights to kiss through. All the days to relax in. We'll...have peace. Your mom can meet my dad." I laugh again at the thought. "It'll be perfect, I promise. I'll have a cake waiting." ~

"Maybe I'll finally get to eat it this time, since I missed my last welcome home cake." I doubt I'll be coming back, if I leave. He's right. The Capitol is cruel out of wartime, but during, I can't even imagine. Just look at what they did to District Thirteen. "Don't lose sleep frosting that damn cake, though." ~

"I promise I won't." I know we're both just saying this to be optimistic, but it's the only thing we can both do to keep from sobbing. "They'll probably have me doing enough here that I'll just have enough time to work on it. But I'll pull it off. You know me." I put my hand on his cheek. "Come on, smile. Please?" ~

Shaking my head, I say, "I can't, after seeing you like that. I can't get it all out of my head now. I don't want to die." ~

"You won't," I say, trying to convince myself and him. "You've got to come back to me, remember? Our story can't just end like that. I mean, we haven't even done it yet." I say, laughing a bit and trying to get some reaction out of him. ~

"We haven't even held hands in public with you being you and me being me." Originally, it was kinda funny, but now we may not even have that chance ever. I half-smile at his comment, though. The Capitol will never give us the chance to have sex. ~

"That's what I like to see." I'm trying to joke with him now, because whenever I got depressing, he'd always do anything to make me smile. "Come on, if that asshole Capitol is gonna take you from me, I don't want the last I see of you to be you pouting like a girl. That's my job." ~

"I'm not a girl." I cross my arms and look away from him, trying not to laugh. ~

"Neither am I. But you're being all sad like one now, when nothing's set in stone. I promise, there'll be much more time for tears if something does happen. There's no reason to be sad now." ~

"You are a girl." I push him back onto the bed. "You are." ~

"I told you the last time you called me a girl that I could show you things that'd say otherwise." I warn him, looking up. ~

"You wouldn't! Anyone could walk in this room. Any second now!" ~

"Actually, there's a warning bell if people do, so..." I noticed that when Coin had come in the day before. The elevator had given a beep a good thirty seconds before she appeared in the doorway. ~

"You wouldn't dare pull down those boxers..." I've already seen the tent enough to know he's a boy, but... "...girl." ~

"Is that a threat?" ~

"I know you wouldn't do it. You're to shy to show anyone, even me." He wouldn't. ~

I raise my eyebrows. "That's a challenge." ~

"Is that so?" ~

"Mm-hm." I put my thumbs on the waistband of my boxers. "I will." ~

"You're bluffing." I can't help but think he might do it. "Stop fooling around." ~

He thinks I'm bluffing? Ha. "Fine, I'll stop fooling around." And in one swift motion, they're on the ground. ~

The very second I see him start to pull his underwear down, I turn away and cover my eyes. "Put your lady parts away, Peeta!" ~

I begin laughing really hard. "Embarrassed?" ~

"You're asking if I'm embarrassed?" Still not looking-because if I look, I'll want to just fuck him right here-I turn my back completely to him and yell, "YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S NAKED, PEETA MELLARK!" ~

"I'm not a girl." I snicker, pulling them back up. "Fine, fine, I'm decent, you can look again. You'd think that after everything we've been through, you wouldn't be embarrassed to see me with my pants down. I mean, you took notes on my sex dreams." ~

Hesitantly, I turn back to him and take a peek at him. Okay, he's telling the truth; he's decent now. "I'm not embarrassed! I just want it to be a special time, okay?" I should just glue his underwear to his skin. ~

Hearing that second part immediately drops my mood, but I try not to show it too much on my face. Because deep inside, as much as I hope I'm wrong, I'm almost sure they'll want him to fight. And if he fights, they're going to kill him. And we'll never get the chance to do that together. "Right.." I laugh quietly. "Okay." ~

"We'll get it one day. I promise." Whether it's tomorrow, or the day after, or years from now-even tonight, maybe-it'll happen and it will be glorious. But sex after all this crying and talking about death...those things kill the mood. "Don't worry, Peeta Bread." ~

"I'll hold you to that." I laugh a little, kissing his cheek. As if on cue, the little bell sounds, and I know it's Haymitch with clothes, so I quickly take one last look of his perfect, muscular body, smiling a bit and knowing that it's mine, when the time comes. ~

"Wait, no," I whisper. "More kissies for me." I push him back onto the bed and full-on make out with him just to spite Haymitch when he walks in the room. He thinks I'm over the top and ridiculous? Well...what about now? ~

I don't think he has any idea the effect he can have on me. But I kiss him back, not knowing when we'll get this chance or privacy again.

"Ah-em." ~

I briefly come up for air, saying, "Ahem yourself...you should've knocked first." It's not like he's the President or another high-ranking official here (that I know of), so I'm not afraid to be a jerk in front of him. ~

"I can do whatever the hell I want." He tosses a pile of cloth at Cato and I. "Come on, we're going to be late. We've got to be there in ten minutes." He says, completely unamused with Cato. ~

Groaning, I get off of Peeta and pick up the clothes. "What are we going to be late for?" I ask, examining the dull-looking articles of clothing. "Not really my style. Got any red?" ~

He sighs. "The meeting at HQ that I told you about just before I left?" He ignores the second part of Cato's comment. I sit up, pulling on the smaller shirt. It's tight and grey with a v-neck, and there's a pair of bluish pants in a fabric I've never seen before. It's kind of rough and not really stretchy. I stand and pull them on, zipping and buttoning them up. They're a peculiar shape, too. Whereas most pants I've seen or worn were baggy and got bigger as they went down the leg, these got smaller. These people in Thirteen dressed weird. ~

"But...what is it a meeting for? Do I have to have a speech prepared, or...?" I'm going to make an ass of myself in front of all the higher-ups. I just know it. I start getting dressed while watching Peeta as well, making weird faces at the clothes. I say to him, "They're pants." ~

"I know that, but..." I stick my leg out and feel reach towards my foot. "They're like, tight to my ankles. That's so weird." The whole thing was pretty comfortable, though, I couldn't deny that. ~

"They're tight everywhere. Probably to make sure you don't strip down to nothing in the middle of the meeting." What is even happening at this meeting? "But really, my problem is the shirt. It couldn't hurt to put color into it, damn." ~

"Ha-ha."

"Fashion isn't the point. You're meeting with everyone at HQ. You won't need to do much talking. It's mostly them outlining the plan for the rebellion and potential wartime we're going to face, and what they expect of each of you."

I look at Cato warily. So we'll know today. ~

"Oh...kay." As much as I wanted to go before, seeing his crying changed my mind completely. I can't go. But we'll know today, so, until then...we'll just have to keep our fingers crossed. "Alright. The less talking, the better, I suppose." ~

"Good. Now, if you're both ready..." He looks at the two of us before clicking the button. The doors slide open and he gives us a motion to go through. I reach out my hand for Cato to take, first. ~

Hold his hand, I think, because it may be the last time you get to. "Ready." I take Peeta's hand and grip it maybe a little too tightly, but I'm anxious, so I can't help it. ~

I nod, because I know if I say anything, I could break down. And I can't. Not now. Not in front of him. We enter the doors back into the pristine elevator with Haymitch, and the doors close behind us. ~

A/N: Well, there ya go. You'll like the next few chapters, because more characters come in! Hooray! Reviews are LOVED. 3


	47. Chapter 47

A/N: This chapter is happy and sad, but don't worry! Review nonetheless, okay? :) Starts with Cato again.

While we wait in the elevator, I decide to break the silence. "So uh...nice weather we're having, huh?" ~

"...We're underground," Haymitch says dryly. "When I found you two, it was the first time I'd been aboveground in the longest time." ~

Oops. "Sorry...I don't know how else to start a conversation." ~

I squeeze Cato's hand as Haymitch speaks. "It's okay, kid. We're all just real busy here. Lots to do." ~

"I see." I look down at my sweaty hand and up to Peeta, who's giving me the saddest look. I know, I know. "So uh...do they already have plans for us, or are they deciding when we get there?" If they're deciding after we speak to them, then we can argue our case. ~

"I think they have a few ideas. Some negotiable, some not. I don't really know. Not my call." ~

"Alright." Some not negotiable. That's not good. ~

The doors eventually open to a metal hallway where every surface is basically a mirror. Then, we walk through a pair of sliding doors into a room with a large circular table in it. At the opposite end from the door is Coin, but then, there are a bunch of people who I don't really know but look horribly familiar. On her right is an empty seat, which I presume to be Haymitch's. Next to him is a darker, older man, maybe a bit older than Haymitch, who only has one arm. Beside him is another older man, who was somewhat eccentric looking. Then, I see two familiar faces. Cinna and Portia. Katniss and I's stylists from the Games. They were in on this, too? Then there was a girl in her twenties with short, spiky hair. Then, there were two empty seats which I guessed were for us. Beside our seats was first a pale, dark haired girl who looked slightly alarmed, and a very muscular, tanned man with a perfect smile. Then, the circle reached Coin again. ~

After looking around the room for quite some time, I realize that I recognize most of these people, if not all. I'd seen tapes of some of them multiple times before; during training, especially. They're all victors except for a pair sitting together, who I vaguely remember as Peeta's stylists. The first person I recognize at the table is one of the many victors from District Four, Finnick Odair. I've seen his Games so many times that of course I'd remember him first, besides the fact that I also heard he was asked to prostitute the Capitol. Then, next to him is Annie Cresta, also from Four-of course, I would remember the Career Districts first, since that's what I watched the most. The last one I know by name is Johanna Mason, I think from District Seven. The others I've seen once or twice, but their names don't come to mind. ~

Haymitch goes down to sit over by Coin, and motions for us to sit, too. I sit next to the dark haired girl, and Cato goes next to the short haired girl. I give a small smile and wave at Portia, who seems happy to see me but disappointed with my hair, as she points to her own and shakes her head. I laugh quietly, because she really does know how to make things better. All these people are involved in this revolution? For how long, I could only wonder. ~

For what feels like the longest time, we all just sit there in complete silence. Mostly, everyone is looking at Peeta like he's come back from the grave-which he has, a million times, in a way. Then, the girl next to me, Johanna, says, "So it's true," more as a fact instead of a question, like a million others before her.

"It is indeed," says President Coin. "Good morning, boys."

"Morning." Not necessarily a good morning. ~

"G'morning." I say, and as I do, I yawn slightly. It's still pretty early, from what I've gathered. I don't want to ask who everyone is, because that seems rude, though the blonde man two seats down from me is so familiar, I'm going insane trying to figure out who he is.

"Sorry we're late." Haymitch says, leaning back into the chair. "The hospital didn't give them any clothes, so I had to find some." ~

Coin shakes her head and sighs, probably thinking about how those nurses aren't doing their jobs correctly. Because really, who doesn't give patients clothing? "Understandable." She looks from me to Peeta and questions, "Do you know everyone here?"

"Mostly." ~

"Can we just have a circle of introductions?" I laugh nervously. "I feel like I should know you all, but I never had much time to do anything besides bake at home." It's true. They all look so familiar, and yet...blank. Haymitch snickers a bit at me, but nods. Points for honesty. Well, at least that's good. ~

She points to her right and starts going around the circle, running off names. "You know Haymitch, Chaff, Beetee, you know Cinna and Portia, Johanna...and to your right are Annie and Finnick." ~

Finnick. That's who it was. Finnick Odair, who won the Hunger Games ten years ago. They were all victors. "Well, I feel so awkward to be at a table with all of you." I laugh nervously. "I mean, you're all incredible. I'm here by dumb luck."

"Nothing wrong with dumb luck." Finnick comments, smiling. "Anything to mess with the Capitol, and you're good in our books." He puts his arms around the back of the woman, Annie's, chair. ~

Annie smiles and leans towards Finnick a little bit. Ah.

"You're incredible, too," I say. "You're the reason this is happening, remember?" Peeta was their martyr. Was. Now, he's alive and well, so he must be much more than that.

"Pretty badass, defying the Capitol like that," Johanna points out. "Just the sheer fact that you had the audacity to hang around District Two for that long proves it." The way she comments on that sounds slightly condescending, but maybe that's just the way she talks. I come off that way too, sometimes, so I think it's okay. ~

"There was really no other option." I say to Johanna. "I mean, the works thought I was dead. Where the heck was I supposed to go? I just knew I couldn't stay in Twelve."

"I have a question." The man who's been sitting silent for most of this, Beetee, speaks. "How did you live through that torture? I know most of us, including myself, would've easily given up on survival at one point or another, be it the fire, electricity, tracker jacker venom.."

"So that's what that was?!" ~

"Yeah, I thought I told you...?" The look he gives me says no you did not. "I found out when I drugged up that one Peacekeeper who brought me food, about ten or fifteen minutes before I found you. Who knows when he woke up, even. I injected the entire thing into him. It must've been diluted or something, so that it wouldn't kill you or make you totally whacked out." No point in wasting it all on making him permanently insane if they were planning on killing him. ~

"Well, that makes a lot more sense now." I look to Cato before glancing back at Beetee. "I really don't know. I...there were times I wanted to die. But every time I was I was going to really die, I fought it. Because I..I hoped that there would be a way to live. That my luck hadn't run out yet." ~

"How very inspiring," Johanna says, rolling her eyes.

"And I swore I'd break him out of there if it was the last thing I'd ever do." It wasn't the last thing I ever did, but this meeting could be the last time I ever talk to Peeta without knowing how my future will turn out. Speaking of which... "Um, this meeting...? What's the plan, or...I don't really know anything?"

Coin clears her throat before speaking. "Now that you're acquainted, we can begin." ~

Everyone becomes a lot quieter when she says these things. I reach under the table and take Cato's hand into mine. I squeeze it once. Cinna and Portia give me reassuring nods before I turn my attention to Coin. ~

"We believe that the very first plan of action should be to broadcast your resurrection, Peeta," she says, leaving me to hold in laughter. Just...his resurrection. "That should alert the remaining districts of your liveliness, and in turn, convince them to join us in the rebellion."

"But what about his family?" I ask quickly. It looks as though Haymitch is going to stop me from interrupting, but I continue anyway. "If the Capitol knows Peeta's here, then they'll assume that we already made it to District Twelve, and they'll assume that we visited the bakery. Whether we did or not, they'd still go there. I don't want them to get killed." ~

"Yeah," I add in. "I...I can't let that happen. My father is the reason I'm here. He told me the stories of Thirteen when I was young. You need to make sure he's safe..My family is all I ever had." ~

For the entire time Peeta talked, Coin didn't take her eyes off me. I suppose I ruined plans again. "We'll put together a team to do that as soon as possible."

"With me on it?" I feel like I owe everything to Mr. Mellark, so maybe I should go. "I know where everything is now. I can guide everyone-"

"That isn't necessary," she cuts me off. "We have bigger plans for you." ~

My grip on Cato's hand tightens. "Like...like what?" Oh god. I wasn't even emotionally prepared for this. ~

"You're one of the strongest fighters we have here, Cato." No. "We would like you to lead one of the teams to bring down the Capitol."

"I'm not smart enough for that," I say desperately.

"Don't think we haven't seen your victory in the last Hunger Games. You outsmarted everyone there and took them down."

"No, isn't there something else besides fighting...?"

"Non-negotiable." There it is. ~

No, this can't be happening. No. It takes every fiber of my self control to not scream and sob right there. I want to quit this. Leave. But I can't. We can't. My hand is losing circulation, and I think a bit of the horror is showing on my face, because I see Finnick and Annie looking at me. We all know what this means. He does, especially. His face is sympathetic for us, and I see that their hands are held just as tightly. I hope he doesn't have to go, too. ~

"You and Odair, especially," she says. "We haven't completely worked out details yet, but we need you two."

"No!" Annie speaks out loud for the first time. She isn't angry, but instead, she's distressed.

"Yes." ~

I look over to Annie. She's feeling exactly what I am.

"Shhh..." He pulls her into his arms and kisses the top of her head. "I'll be okay Annie, I promise." I look to Cato. We know there's nothing to be said for us. We've discussed this before. I don't want to cry here, but I feel them coming. I can't cry. I'm strong. Instead of crying like I normally would, I take my first step to being strong: I take Annie's hand and give it a tight squeeze. Because right now, we're the same. In the same position. Feeling the same thing. She needs it just as much as I do. ~

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peeta grip Annie's hand tightly, and she returns the favor. They're both destroyed inside. I ask, "There's absolutely nothing we could do?"

"Non-negotiable!" she repeats rather loudly. "We're planning for an attack within the next week, so most of you will be training: Finnick, Cato, Johanna...any other volunteers?"

Volunteers. No choice.

So this is what it feels like to get reaped for the Hunger Games. ~

Everything remains quiet. No one wants to volunteer to die. And every person knows that's what this is. I pull Cato's hand up to my face and kiss his palm, closing his fingers in on it. "Hold onto that for me, okay?" I whisper in his ear, breaking my silence and doing everything not to crack. ~

"I will. I promise," I say, my voice shaking. I'm going to die out there. Sure, I made it through the arena with no problem, but that was fighting other kids who were afraid of me. The Capitol knows what I'm capable of, and I will be their first target. "I'm sorry," I whisper, not making eye contact with him. He knows I'm going to die. ~

"Don't say sorry..you say sorry too much." I mimic him. I lean my forehead against his. I don't care if people are looking. "Don't say sorry...it's not your fault." ~

"Sorry." I smile. Let him know you're okay. "I love you." ~

"See? Again... I love you, too. Now and always." Always. I mean that. "I'm already planning the cake." ~

"Don't go overboard like you did last time, in case I don't get to eat it again." ~

"Nah, then everyone else will get a huge cake." I laugh quietly. "I can't not overdo things." ~

"I don't want you to overdo something for me, only to end up giving it to everyone else because I couldn't come back..." Just in case I don't come back. I want to, but I'm nearly 100% sure I'll die out there. All for him, though. ~

"Let's just think that you will, okay...? I'll teach Annie to bake, too." I'm not in denial. I'm just trying to be positive. "We have to make the most of the time, this week." I whisper before realizing everyone else is waiting to continue with the meeting. ~

"Alright..." I nod vigorously and break away from him.

"Thank you," Coin says, "I'm sure that you all know this is for the good of District Thirteen and all of Panem. Now that we are all cooperating, I'd like to move on to the next order of business...all the details should be ironed out by tomorrow morning regarding strategy and game plan." She finally turns to Peeta and says, "Don't worry. You should be here for most, if not all, of the time." ~

Just what I wanted. "Why?" I ask, just out of pure curiosity. "I mean, I don't object, I'm just wondering." ~

"We figured you'd be better suited to handle things around here. You don't seem very...combative." He isn't. "Besides, you need more time to frost your cake," she says, unamused by our public displays of affection. "Unless you want to go?" ~

Cato wouldn't want me to. He wants me to live. See this through. "No, no, you're right." I laugh. "I'll be better off here. What'll I be doing, anyway?" ~

"Filming and hopefully coming up with future plans. We'll discuss that another time."

I run my hand up and down Peeta's leg to make him feel better. You won't die. You won't die. I promised him we'd have a chance together, so I have to pull through. Stop thinking you're going to die. ~

"Okay..." I sigh. That was definitely Haymitch's doing. He always said I was quite the actor. I look back to Cato and smile at him. I mean, maybe we have a chance. ~

"Is that all?" This room is a terrible thing to stay in after hearing all this bad news, so I just want to leave.

"For now, yes." She gives me a cold look. "Haymitch, escort these boys to their new compartments." ~

I groan at the word "compartments". I wanted to be able to stay with him. ~

"Um, I hate to question your authority, but...compartments, or compartment?" I want to spend as much time with him as possible.

Before I die.

"Compartment," she corrects herself. ~

I give him a small smile and let go of Annie's hand, giving her a reassuring nod as we begin to walk away. I wonder what her and Finnick's relationship was like. If she thought he was going to die, too. We say our goodbyes to the group and follow Haymitch. I still haven't ever let go of Cato's hand. ~

"Peeta..." I say, looking at the floor. ~

"...Yeah?" I'm trying not to cry. ~

"It's better to get everything out now...you can cry, if you want." ~

"No," I whisper. "I told you I would be strong." ~

"It's not good to keep it all in, though." ~

"But...I won't. I just..." I want to wait until we're in private. ~

"Alright, Peeta Bread." I half-smile and swing our hands back and forth. ~

I smile at the nickname. We remained in silence until the spots opened again to a long, wide corridor. It was lined with doors. Haymitch lead us toward a for at the end of the hall. "Most of the people at that meeting live on this floor, so you'll have company. Get your schedules each morning, but rest for now. It's been a long morning for all of us. Lunch is at noon, dinner from 1800 until 2100." He says, clicking a button to open the door, waving goodbye. ~

A/N: Well, there's. Eep. What do YOU think'll happen? Tell me your thoughts! xx


	48. Chapter 48

A/N: Cato just keeps starting these chapters, man.

Peeta and I walk into the smallish room and I close the door behind us. There are two beds here, but we'll only be using one. I take his other hand and look into his eyes, which always look sad due to the shade of blue, but show sincere sadness. "Hi, Peeta." ~

"...Hi, love," I whisper. I'm going to break. Any moment now. ~

"I like when you call me that." Too bad I may never hear that again. No, just convince yourself. "What a day, right?" ~

"Yeah...what a day." I sigh, releasing his hand and walking over to the bed and sitting down. I pat beside me for him to come sit. ~

Not wanting to upset him, I go sit next to him on the bed. "So...that's that." ~

"I...guess it is." I look at him sadly. "And this...is it." ~

"Yeah..." I pull him in for a side-hug. "I'm still here." ~

"For now." I'm going to cry. Sob. Hysterically. But now is the time. We're alone. ~

"I...I think I'll be back, though." No lies, Cato.

Never, ever lie to me again.

I don't care if it'll make things easier.

Promise. On my life.

"I might come back." Might. A possibility. Much better. ~

"I hope you do," I whisper to him. "I do." I look down at my feet before glancing back up at him. "I'll always love you. I promise." I'm shaking now. It's becoming real. Every fear or nightmare I ever had involved him being gone...and I may see him for the last time in a week. Who knew forever was so short? ~

"I know you will. You've been telling me that almost every day since we met." Every day we were together, he'd say that to me. "I'll wait for you, you know." ~

"I just don't want you to forget..." I bite my lip. "So will I. I'll be there... I'll follow you.." I choke. "Forever." And then, I begin sobbing hysterically. ~

"Shh, it'll be okay..." This is why I changed my mind about going. I haven't even left yet and he's a mess. "I'm still here, see?" I hold him to my chest to let him cry into my shirt. "I've...I've been training for this for almost my entire life, remember?" I volunteered for those Games expecting to win. Really, I pretty much put my name in to be sent to death. That's what the Hunger Games are about. You can never win. Besides, at this point, it seems I was born to die, one way or another. I was meant for this from the start. "Now that I'm going...I'm doing it for the both of us, okay? Nobody else." ~

"Please..." I beg into his chest. "Please try to come back." I squeeze him tightly. "If not...I'll do all of this for you. I'll make this a better place. Where no one will have to go through what we did. No more Games. I swear..." ~

"Why wouldn't I try?" I can feel my entire shirt front getting soaked. "That's a really nice thought...but I have to make it back. You know why?" Time to get him to smile again. ~

"Why?" I lift my head. ~

"Because we never did it, and I swore we'd get to." I grin and kiss his forehead. "I don't break promises." ~

I laugh a little through my tears. "I'm really going to miss you." ~

"I'll miss you too. But you don't know how long I'll be gone! I could be back in less time than it took for me to be on the Victory Tour." I could be back never, but now isn't the time to mention that. "I'll always miss you." ~

"Even if you were gone for five minutes... I'd miss you." ~

"I know, I know...but maybe this is good, you know? You're very clingy. Not that it's a bad thing, but maybe spending this time apart will help you get along without me. You know, just in case you can't have me..." I can't stand seeing his blotchy, tear-stained face anymore, so I let him cry on me again. "Yeah, I'll miss you too." ~

I cry to let everything out. I cry until there are no more tears left in my eyes. I cry because I'll miss him, because I'm afraid for us, and because I don't know what the future holds for anyone. When I'm finished, I sniff a bit and whisper, "Okay...now I can be strong." ~

"You sure?" I ask him. "I'll be okay, you know. You can miss me all you want, but I'll always find a way back to you." ~

"Not sure at all." I smile. "But I've got to try some time." ~

"You've always been strong. Now give me a kiss, you girl," I laugh. ~

I give him a stern look before rolling my eyes and knocking him onto the bed with a kiss. "You're still a jerk." ~

"And I always will be." I attack him with another very sloppy kiss. "Remember me that way. Being a jerk, I mean, not for being a terrible kisser." ~

"Oh, you're far from a terrible kisser." I smile widely. "Far, far from it." ~

"Are you sure about that?" I proceed to kiss every part of his face except his mouth, suck, lick, and just be generally sloppy all over. ~

"Now you're just trying!" I laugh. "But yes, you're still a very skilled kisser." ~

"See? Laughter, kissing...I cheered you up, didn't I?" ~

"You always find a way." I smirk. "Lay down with me," I whine. ~

"You complain too much," I say, lying down on top of him. "I'm laying down. Comfy?" ~

"Oh, you've evil." I narrow my eyes and smile at him. "But I love it." ~

"I'm not suffocating you?" ~

I scoff. "You weigh nothing." ~

"I have about five feet over you and quite a few pounds." I stick my tongue out and roll over onto my back, next to him. "You can breathe now." ~

I let out a breath, not from the pressure, but from the whole idea of it. "Ha." I say sarcastically. "You underestimate me." ~

"Everyone does. You're always surprising us. Even me." I smile. ~

"And I'll surprise you when you get back. You've really never seen my best work." ~

"Best work with what? Cake or kissing?" Please be both. Please be both. ~

"Both, and so much more." I wink, giving him a smile. Maybe this need to be strong is giving me a bit more confidence in all of this. ~

"Yay." I grin. I want Peeta so much right now that it hurts, because who knows if I'll ever see him after this week? "You haven't seen my best either." ~

"Oh really?" I question. "How so?" ~

"Well, we haven't had sexytime yet," I say, thinking about it over and over in my head. How many times it almost happened. How many times it should've happened. Whether or not it will ever happen. "But I'm saving that until I get home..." ~

If he gets home. "Of course...I've gotta have something to look forward to besides seeing your handsome face again, right?" I laugh. ~

"Handsome? Not sexy? That's new." I've always been Peeta's sexy boyfriend. Always. "And it's to make sure I come back, okay? I feel like if we do it...the universe will fuck with me and decide to take me away. But because I promised you we'd do it-and I somehow end up fulfilling every promise-I think it'd be best to hold it off." ~

"Of course, I completely understand that..." It makes perfect sense. "Handsome, yes. You're sexy as well-handsome isn't a downgrade, but the highest compliment of a different category." I smile, pulling my arm around his waist. "Handsome, as in you'd look extraordinarily handsome in a suit. Which I'd also like to see you in, one day. A tuxedo." I laugh. "Sexy, as in you'd look extremely sexy if I ripped the suit off of your body." ~

"What, my suit at the interviews wasn't good enough?" I laugh. "And why would I be in a tux anyway? ...And I think it'd be extremely sexy if you did rip it off." I pause for a few seconds. "I think it'd be sexy if you ripped any of my clothes off." ~

"I agree on that last part." I smile casually. "And...I don't know." I couldn't think of many occasions down here in Thirteen that would deem he wore a tuxedo..but I'm sure he'd look fantastic in one. "And that's what got me on it. The suit from the interviews. You look good, dressed up." ~

"I look even better undressed." I wink seductively. Come on, Peeta. I know you'll get flustered. Come on. ~

I blush a little, but manage barely to keep myself composed. "Oh, I bet you do." He's so muscular, tall... Relax. No. Calm. I keep my cool. ~

"You know I do." I take his wrist and force his hand up the front of my shirt. "Like what you feel?" ~

Now, I know he's trying things. And inside, it's definitely working. I feel the tips of my ears getting warm. "Oh, absolutely." I run my fingers along each line of his muscle. When I've gotten this chance, I've always gotten distracted by...other things. And have never really appreciated how goddamn toned he is. Damn. ~

"Then stop playing around with me and just rip the goddamn ugly shirt off." ~

I'm happy to oblige. I hastily pull the shirt over his head and can't resist pulling him in for a long, long kiss. We have all night. ~

"Thank you," I say, pulling his own shirt off. "Much better." ~

There's something so perfect about feeling his own skin against mine. "You're eager for something, aren't you?" I kiss him again, putting my hands around the back of his head to entangle with his hair. ~

"Just some partial naked time with my one and only." Mostly, I just wanted that dumb shirt off. But this is more than okay with me. ~

Something about his words immediately comforts me. I kiss him from his mouth to his cheek to his ear and down his neck...the one really nice thing about Cato is that, for whatever reason, his body was always warm. It was really nice to be close to, especially when it was cold out. ~

"Oh god." The kissing is just really turning me on right now. "What are you doing to me?" I ask desperately. He's taking over... "Oh god." ~

Well then. I smile inwardly. Wherever I'm kissing must be a sensitive spot for him. Noted. I lift my head back up to his ear. "Just kissing," I whisper, before making my way back down to the spot on his neck, kissing it intensely. ~

"No, no, no, this is sexy kissing," I say stupidly. "Whyyyyy?" I hold his back with one hand and play with his hair in the other, just how I know he likes it. ~

I take a glance up at him quickly, flashing the most honest, innocent look I can manage. "Well...why not?" ~

"Because you're giving me feelings!" I whine. "Down there," I say, pointing down to my pants. ~

"Not like you don't do that to me all the time. On purpose and not on purpose." Maybe it's because I'm the younger of us two, but I seem to get much more easily turned on than him. Which made this a bit of a big deal. ~

"Yeah, but that's me doing all the sexy stuff! When did you get so aggressive with it?" No, make the feelings stop. The pants make it uncomfortable. Please stop. ~

I lift up for only a moment to speak before continuing on my mission. "Since I know I only have so much time left to tease you...so you can anticipate what more's to come when you get back." Something to look forward to. Just like I said. ~

"You're teasing?" I choke out through heavy breaths. "I don't think my parts appreciate that." Yet, he continues and it feels so good that I want to cry. "I guess it's nice to see you take charge for once..." ~

"Well, I'm glad..." I am. I just want to make the next week as good as possible for him. "And tell your parts that they'll have to wait to take me until after you're home again." ~

"If I make it...oh my god." Now I'm getting really uncomfortable. "Peeta, this is different of you..." Growing more and more uncomfortable with each passing second. "Goddamn, you never stop, do you?" ~

"Only if you want me to." I'm being completely serious. If he wants me to stop, I will. ~

"No, it feels so good...and bad, and good, and...waaaahhh." I'm so confused at how to answer. "I liked it." ~

"No, no." I whisper, pulling back with an alluring smile. "You seemed unsure. I don't want to take advantage of your confusion. I'll stop." ~

"But...no, you can't stop. Come back." I can't resist Peeta any longer. "Come on, Lover Boy. Just a little bit more...please." ~

I lean back down to his ear. "Fine." I whisper. "But only..." I kiss his ear. "Because." The top of his neck. "You said..." Lower. "Please." I go back to where I was, not actually believing this was happening, and forgetting everything else that was going on with us. Only that he was mine. Mine. ~

"Thank you..." The way he's touching me all over makes me realize how sexy and needy and wonderful he really is. He deserves everything good in the world. Better than me. Then, I start to hate myself again because of last night. He definitely deserves better than that. "Stop," I whisper. ~

I lift my head to look at him as he speaks. "What..?" I rest myself in the crook of his shoulder. I'm immediately concerned because he looks like something's wrong. Was it something I did? Something I said? ~

"You're wasting all the sexy on me." ~

"Huh?" I laugh a little, partially confused. ~

I don't laugh. "I don't deserve it all." ~

I sit up a little. "What's wrong, Cato?" What does he mean, he doesn't deserve it all? ~

"Me..." I take one of the pillows and put it over my face completely. "I'm so bad to you and you reward me with this...how am I worth it?" ~

"What brought this on?" I immediately try to pull the pillow off of his face, but he won't budge. "Cato, please..." How does he not see how he's worth my entire life? ~

"Last night did! I was so mean to you, and now you're being all...sexy to me." ~

"You were only mean to me because I was mean to you...and we were both just trying to protect each other. If those berries didn't get in the way, it would've been the same in the Games. We just have...conflicting interests. You want me to live, even if it costs you your life. I want you to live, even if it costs me my life." I yank at the pillow and manage to get it away from him. "Don't you see?" I smile. "It's a good fight to have...because it stems from the fact that we love each other so much. You're a fool to think you don't deserve everything I can give you and so much more." ~

"Are you sure?" I look at him. "I feel like I never do enough for you." ~

"So sure." I kiss the top of his head. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You've done more for me than you'll ever know." ~

"I don't feel like I do enough," I mutter. "Can you even name one selfless thing I did for you?" ~

"That's not what matters." I pause. "Selfless acts aren't the point of being in a relationship. The very idea that you would give up everything you've trained your whole life for...for me? That's extraordinary on it's own." ~

"Thanks." I smile. "I guess so...you're so good to me." ~

I scoff. "I'm a whiny, crybaby girl who says sorry too much." I laugh. "I'm glad you kept me around." ~

Okay, that got me laughing. "How could I not keep you around?" I give him a brief, one-second-long kiss. "Especially with lips like those, you pouty boy." ~

I give him a big grin, and it takes everything in me to not start laughing hysterically. "Finally. So you keep me around for my kisses?" ~

"Oh, absolutely." Laughing, I kiss him again. "Definitely." ~

"Well, no matter the reason...I'm glad you do." I kiss his cheek, and give a small peck to where I was kissing before, because it was starting to bruise. ~

"It's because you were my what-was-missing, remember that? That's why I keep you around." I put my fingers up to the spot that he was literally just sucking on before. "It feels weird right here." ~

"Of course." I blush a bit. "I...well, yeah. That's normal." I was a little embarrassed, but at the same time, happy. Because he was mine. And people would know. ~

"Wait, what's normal? What did you do?" ~

I sit up. "Noooothiiiiing." I laugh. If he wants to know, there's enough metal in the halls for him to see. ~

"Nooo, you did something." I pull him back down to the bed. "Tell me or I'll break up with you." ~

I groan, smiling. "I'm just letting everyone know that you're mine. In case anything happens like last time you were gone from me for a long time. Relax." ~

"What is it?!" ~

I sigh, getting off of the bed and pulling him by the wrist into the hall lined with clear metal. "Look." I point. ~

I turn my head so that I can better see the side of my neck. "What..." I trace the darkened spot with my fingers. "The fuck did you do?" ~

I roll my eyes. "For the more experienced of us two, I'd assume you'd know." I scruff his hair. I don't know if he knows that he was my first kiss. "Ever heard of a hickey?" I laugh. ~

"More experienced...? I didn't do anything with anyone...it's so...oh my god." I turn and look at his ridiculous smiling face. "You are dirty." ~

"Am not!" I whine, blushing madly. "And you're far more experienced than I..." I avoid his eyes. "You were my first kiss." I whisper. ~

"You were mine, too," I admit. "Remember, first and only everything?" ~

"Well, I mean..I didn't know." I look up at him. "I do remember that." ~

"Well, now you know...we were each other's first kiss, too." I kiss him, smiling the entire time. "Though, I don't know how anyone could resist you." ~

It's a nice feeling, kissing him and knowing only my lips have felt his. "First and only." ~

"Are we sure about only?" I groan at the ridiculous prospect of only sticking to one person. "I'm kidding. First and only," I repeat. ~

"I hope you don't mind." I whisper, referring to the mark on his neck, tracing my hand over it. ~

"You branded my neck. Of course I mind. But because it's you...I'll be okay with it." ~

"Well, you told me to keep going." I smile. "But whatever can I do for you to forgive me?" ~

"You don't need to forgive me for anything." I slap his ass and walk back into the room, turning back to say, "Thanks, though." ~

"For what?" I laugh and follow him in. ~

"For the love." ~

I smile immediately and wrap my arms around his waist from behind. "There's no need to thank me..my love was always yours. You just had to find it." ~

"Stop saying cute things." I laugh. "I have nothing cute to say back." ~

"But that's my job." I kiss the back of his head. ~

"If you don't stop, your entire body will look like this." I point to my neck. "Entire body." ~

"I don't think I'd mind that so much." I laugh. ~

"Or I can just never touch you again." ~

"No." I pout, holding him tighter. "Fine." ~

"No more cute Peeta, okay?" I say, prying him off a little bit so that I can breathe easier. "You have to start being strong Peeta. Remember, you're the man of the house while I'm gone." ~

I turn him to face me. "I will be strong. I promise." I say completely seriously. ~

"Good. You know I'll make it back." The more I say it, the more I believe it. ~

"I...know it, too." I smile. "You're stronger than them." ~

"We both are." I escaped from the Capitol once. Maybe I can do it again. I'm stronger than them. "I can't wait to get back." ~

"Me either." I squeeze his hands. "They'll be cake!" And sexytimes. ~

"There had better be cake." I laugh. "That's my favorite part of coming home." ~

"I promise, there will be." I laugh. I'm already planning. ~

"Gooooood!" I pull him closer to me for another intense, passionate kiss. I better get one like this when I come back. "I hope it tastes as good as your mouth." ~

"Even better, if you can believe it." I smile. "I swear." ~

"I know your baking is good, and I mean really good, but...you always taste so good." He always tastes like cinnamon for some reason. "Can there be cinnamon on my cake?" ~

"If you want there to be, there will be." I laugh at him. "Any other special requests?" ~

"Yes, actually. Can I feed you the first piece?" ~

I kiss him softly. "Of course you can." ~

"Yay," I say. Either way, he gets the first bite of cake. If I come back, he gets it. If I don't...

But I will.

"So now that we're both good on the situation...what now?" ~

A/N: I don't know, What now? How about ya'll review and you get to see? ;D


	49. Chapter 49

A/N: Two chapters because we hit 200 reviews! So you'll have 50 chapters! Yay! Starts with Peeta.

"Well, I don't know." We've never actually had down time to relax without worrying about anything. ~

Sighing, I walk over to the bed and lie back down. "Come lay with me," I whine. ~

I come over to him and sit on the bed before laying next to him. "What is it?" ~

"I just want to lay with you." I reach up and tug on his hair. "Pleeeeaaase." ~

I shoot him a look, because he knows what that does to me, but I give in and lie down nonetheless. ~

"Thank you." I kick off my shoes and pull the covers over us. "I know it isn't time to sleep yet...it's barely even lunch, actually." I laugh. "But I like it this way." ~

"It's cozy." I smile. "I don't mind at all." I pull off my shoes, too. "Do you want to go down and eat later?" ~

"Maybe." I shrug. "We haven't had a chance to eat earlier, so...we probably should. But that isn't for another, what, hour?" ~

"At the least." I respond, nudging myself under his arm. "So we have some time to kill." ~

"Alright." I take the edge of the covers and pull them over our heads completely. "I like this too." ~

"It's dark." I say stupidly. "Where'd you go?!" I feign concern. ~

"I'm a figment of your imagination, Peeta." I laugh. "You're talking to yourself." ~

"No, no, see I know you're wrong, because the voice in my head doesn't laugh. Or sound like my boyfriend." I nudge him playfully. "I'm not crazy." ~

"How pathetic. You've gotten to the point where you make Cato talk to you when he isn't really talking." He's so adorable and...ugh. ~

"Cato, seriously, stop." I laugh a little. "It hasn't spoken to me for a long, long time now!" Thank goodness, right? ~

"Stop what?" I imitate his 'completely innocent' look, but I'm not exactly sure I can pull it off. ~

"Pretending you're the stupid voice in my head." I stick my tongue out at him. "I finally got rid of it." ~

"Did you?" I hope so. ~

"Yeah, I think so...I mean, it's been longer than it ever has been without it. With most of the pain from the torture gone, it was just that voice and the scars holding me to it." ~

"Good. Stupid you was competing with me for your undivided attention." I laugh. "I win." ~

"You always would've won, anyway, between you and me." I kiss somewhere on him, because I can barely see. "I was kind of an ass." ~

"There's no way you could be more of an ass than me." I wipe the wet kiss off my shoulder. "I know you're a little short there, but my face is up here." I pick up his chin to face me. ~

"Not my fault it's dark and you're way too tall." I laugh, and pick up my hands to feel out his face before kissing him on the lips. "Better?" ~

"Much." This is great. I have to make these last few days together the best they could possibly be. "You're kinda short." ~

"Well you're tall. It just works out that way." I pause. "Tell me something about you I don't know," I say out of nowhere. ~

"I'm incredibly sexy," I say seriously. ~

I groan. "That's cheating. I knew that already." ~

"Well, I don't really know..." There's one thing, though. "You've always wanted to be a baker, right? Whether you had to be or not?" ~

"Yeah." I laugh. "It sounds silly, but yeah." ~

"Not as silly as what I'm about to tell you," I laugh nervously. I wonder how he'll take it. Probably laugh at me. ~

"Hm?" I'm slightly confused. "What is it?" ~

"Well, for basically my entire life, until maybe a year or two ago, I uh..." I sigh. "Well, I mean uh...I adored the Capitol." Gross. "And I always thought that after the Games, I'd make it as far as my dad made it. That's where I aimed for." ~

"You wanted to be a Peacekeeper?" I laughed a little. "For some reason, I definitely can't see that." ~

"Stop! Don't laugh!" Well, this is embarrassing. Thank god he can't really even see my face right now. "I was stupid, okay?!" ~

"No, no, I'm just curious! I mean, it makes sense, cause you're from Two and stuff. Twelve, it was do what your family did or be a miner. That wasn't even an option, so I've never really thought about it." I scruff his hair. "I mean, the Peacekeepers in Twelve were really nice." ~

"I wanted to because I thought my dad was the shit." No, he's just a piece of shit. "But I guess I met my lifelong goal. You know, when I came to rescue you." ~

"Well there ya go!" I kiss him on the cheek. "Things work out in mysterious ways, don't they?" ~

"I guess...but now you have to tell me something embarrassing about you that I never knew before." I was so stupid. Fuck my life. ~

"I didn't specify that yours had to be embarrassing, but fine." I think for a minute. "Okay, so when I was a little kid, I sleepwalked." ~

"You did?" It takes everything to hold in laughter. "And you replaced it with sleeptalking, right?" ~

"No, that wasn't the embarrassing part!" I hiss, sighing. ~

"Sorry!" Oh god, it gets worse. "Continue." ~

"Well, at night, when the bakery's closed, my dad keeps the front and side doors locked, so we can know that everything's safe upstairs. It was like, Christmas time, and there was blizzard, so he locked up early. Since the first floor is the bakery, we live upstairs. I went up and went to bed in a pair of pajama pants, and woke up sitting outside in the middle of the street in two feet of snow at like, two in the morning, locked out." ~

"Aww, poor little Peeta-wait." Laughter aside, I continue. "Please tell me those pajama pants were still on you when you woke up." ~

"Yes, they were!" I laugh. "But I was only in pants, in a subzero blizzard, pitch black out, with no method of getting back inside! I had to walk a few blocks before knocking on someone's door to ask to call my house for them to let me in." ~

"Oh god...did they all laugh?" ~

"You bet." I smile a little now, thinking back on it. "That was kinda funny. What wasn't funny is that, for being 'stupid enough to lock myself out', my mom wouldn't let me in. I sat on the side doormat for another hour until she fell asleep and my dad let me in." ~

"Yeah...definitely not the funny part." Immediately, I hug him because I know he hates what his mom has done to him all these years. "You could've died out there." ~

"No kidding. I always thought that's why I was so clumsy. I never quite felt my feet completely after that." I laugh quietly at the silly bit of blame. "I felt like it was days instead of just an hour, you know? Plus, I've always been hypersensitive to cold, because luckily, our home was always warm because of the big oven." I close my eyes for a moment, thinking about the old house, and how nostalgic the smells of the bakery made me. ~

"How old were you when this happened?" ~

I think about it. I wasn't going to school yet, so... "Three, maybe four? Probably four, though, because I was shorter than average, but I was just barely taller than the snow." ~

Three or four. "You were that young and your own mother wanted to keep you out of the house for the entire night in the freezing snow? At Christmas time?" I'm beyond pissed. "I don't care if she's your mom. I want to kill her." ~

"I was little, and I didn't understand why." I think about that night, and the rush of warmth when my father opened the front door behind me and told me to come in. "My dad dried me off with a warm, dry towel and sent me to bed with extra blankets." I miss him. ~

"Do you hear me, Peeta? I want to kill her," I say through gritted teeth. "She's an evil bitch who left her own son out to die. You shouldn't have been expected to understand why! You're just lucky you had your dad, otherwise, you'd be dead because of her!" ~

"You think I don't know that..?!" My voice cracks, and I immediately get quiet. There were a million other things that happened, but I knew telling Cato about them wouldn't make him any calmer. ~

"Well, you seem pretty calm about it! It's like she was trying to get rid of you." I sit up and pull the blanket off of us. The light of the room temporarily blinds me, but I adjust after about ten seconds. "How is it that someone from District Two cares more about you than your own mother?" ~

I know why. It was always obvious. But I stay quiet. I can't bare to say it. ~

"Peeta?" I lightly pull the blanket and sheets off of his face and look at him. "Are you okay? Sorry for bringing it up...?" ~

I ignore what he said. "It wasn't obvious, then...but they always say that a mother knows her son well." ~

"What wasn't obvious...?" ~

"I mean...I couldn't have known. I didn't know it. Or that I was wrong. I didn't mean to." ~

"Did you...do something?" I kneel beside him on the bed, picking up his hand and kissing it. "What happened?" ~

I look at him quickly. "I didn't know." ~

"What didn't you know?" ~

"That it was wrong." ~

"What was wrong?" I ask. "This?" Referring to us, of course. "Your...feelings?" ~

"Yeah." I whisper. "That I was gay." ~

"But it isn't wrong." With that, I collapse on top of him and smile, an inch or two away from his face. "It's so right. She's just ignorant and hateful." Like my dad. ~

"But everyone made it seem like it was so wrong. Even though they didn't know for sure, they just assumed." ~

"It's over now, though...it's in the past, right?" ~

"It is. I just...don't get why people are so hateful." ~

"Because they knew they'd never be able to have you." I lean forward and kiss his forehead. "All mine. People are jealous." ~

"That's a positive way of looking at it." I laugh. ~

"Yeah, remember? Positive thinking." Playing with his hair makes him extremely happy, so I start doing that to cheer him up. ~

"You got it from me, I swear." I sigh and lean back into him. "I miss my dad, Cato." ~

"I miss him, too, but you'll be seeing him and your brothers soon, I think." I don't mention his mother. She's a bitch. ~

"If everything goes well...I just worry that something's going to go wrong. Part of me hopes they come back before you go." ~

"I think they will. Even if I have to leave before they get here, I'll see them when I get back." I smile. ~

I realize something. "And my dad can help me with the cake. Then, it'll be extraordinary. There are things I don't know how to do that he can teach me." I missed baking with my dad. ~

"Something that you DON'T know how to do?" I laugh. "That, I can't believe." ~

"My dad made lifesized cakes that looked like people! My stuff is child's play comparatively." ~

"But your cakes are cute," I say. "I wouldn't want them any other way." ~

"I have to find a way to show you the last cake I made, with your mom. That thing was amazing-and probably delicious." I sigh. ~

"I miss that cake..." I regret not going immediately into the kitchen to devour that thing. "So...anything not totally depressing to tell me about?" ~

"I love you?" I say stupidly. ~

"'That's cheating,'" I tell him, perfectly mimicking his voice. "Come on! Something new!" ~

"Ugh, okay. Let me think." I close my eyes and hold his hand. There are a million things I could say right now, but some might make things worse, some may be over the top, and others just odd. ~

"Take your time, Peeta Bread." I guess I should prepare something too. ~

"Hm...Did I ever tell you about Toast?" ~

"Peeta, I know what toast is...I've had it before." ~

"No, no!" I laugh. "Toast. I had a kitten named Toast." ~

"YOU TOASTED YOUR CAT?" ~

"No!" I begin laughing harder. "I had a kitten, and the kitten's name was Toast!" ~

"Oh..." Time to calm down. I'm a dumbass. "So, your kitten named Toast?" ~

"Yeah, he was my kitten. I kept him in my room. I found him the spring after the blizzard incident. He was chubby and littler than normal and blonde. Kinda like me." ~

Laughing, I pinch his cheeks. "You aren't chubby." ~

"I was chubby, but then I had to do manual labor around the bakery, so it turned into muscle." I smile. "Toast and I were buddies, though. He was my only friend at times. I think he'd gotten separated from his mom and siblings when I found him all alone, so us both being loners, we bonded. I'd give him scraps from the bakery when no one was looking." ~

"Aren't you cute?" I smirk. Well, at least he had one friend. "What happened with Toast? Did you have to let him go, or is he still there?" ~

"He's still there." I laugh, thinking about how that kitten definitely was not a kitten anymore. "I took in another cat two years after Toast, and that's when my dad found out. But he was okay with that, as long as Toast and Tart, who was a little, blonde girl cat, weren't let into the bakery. He'd always make fun of me, because they eventually had babies, that since I didn't talk to a lot of people, I'd become one of those crazy people with a million cats." ~

If I hadn't come along, he would've had a million fucking cats. "So you have like twenty cats living in your house?" ~

"No, only five!" I whine. ~

This was all too much. I start laughing even harder now. "You hoarded cats!" ~

"Nuh-uh!" I pout. "I had two cats, and they had babies, so then I had five cats! I wasn't going to split up the family!" Toast, Tart, Linzer, Eclair and Strudel are happy at home with my dad and all the old bread. ~

"Well, you did a good thing. Those cats were lucky to have you," I say. "At least your dad allowed you to have pets." ~

"You couldn't?" ~

"I used to. Not since Ciro." The memories still haunt me to this day. ~

"Ciro?" I question. ~

"Our dog, from when I was six or seven. He was a big one. A labrador, I think." I extend my arms out to show the length. "Not since then." ~

"If you don't mind me asking, why not?" ~

I take in a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. God, old me sounds like a complete monster. "I didn't hate the dog, really, but I...I chased him around the house one day with a toy sword screaming about how I was gonna win the Hunger Games." I half-smile and laugh a little bit. "I'm laughing but it must've been fucking terrifying for that dog." ~

I laugh a little. "Poor dog! How old were you, chasing the dog? He was probably bigger than you, anyway!" ~

"Well, that was like two years after we got him, so maybe eight. Nine at most. But yeah, I scared the poor thing so much that he pissed all over the house." I pause. "My dad likes to take his shoes off when he gets in the house, so uh...he stepped in it." ~

That's when I break into hysteria. Of course, his dad deserves much more than that, but for whatever reason, the idea of him stepping in dog pee makes me laugh hard. "Oh god!" ~

"He said he was proud of my enthusiasm for the Games, but he beat my ass into the next century." Now that I think about it, that was probably one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. I've always loved seeing him angry, especially when it was my fault, but I never enjoyed when he took it out on me. "He said that if I was going to keep trying to stab the dog like that, no more pets. And that was that. I really didn't try to hurt the poor thing, just play..." And then the next time he stepped in dog pee, he gave the poor dog away. It really sucked. I have a soft spot for cute animals, I suppose. ~

"Aw... Well, when this is all over, we can get any pets we want, okay? You and me." I smile, taking his hand. ~

"Can we get a dragon?" ~

"If you can find one, of course, my love." ~

"And...a pony? I've always wanted one," I laugh. ~

"As many ponies as you want." I laugh with him, just purely happy about the prospect of our future together. ~

"Nah, I don't want a pony...just you." We make direct eye contact for a few seconds before I take him down to the floor with kisses. "Just-" Intense kiss with tongue. "You-" Another one. "For life." ~

I smile into his kisses, holding him close and never wanting to let go. "For life, and even after." I agree, pulling him in for another deep kiss. "I'll..." Again. "Hold you to that." ~

"THIS IS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" I'm insane with happiness and I want to cry and scream and just make sweet love to this boy. But I'm afraid that if I do, it'll be the last time we ever do something together. I promised we would, so it'll have to wait until I get back. I'll get back. ~

I have a huge grin on my face. "What suddenly got into you?!" I laugh. I like it, whatever it is, but I'm just so curious. ~

"You got into me! I love you, Peeta. Do you understand what that means? I LOVE YOU!" I'm laughing. I'm insane. I love it. "I LOVE PEETA!" ~

"I love you too!" I laugh out, kissing him over and over again. "I definitely understand what that means!" I put my hands on the sides of his face. "I love you, Cato! I do!" We're crazy. But we're crazy together. ~

My laughter gets so bad that it starts going silent and I find myself gasping for air. "I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" Then, I just collapse to the floor in laughter. I can't even speak anymore. ~

I don't know what on earth's happened to him, but I absolutely love it. I'm laughing with him, and we're just happy. This is what love is supposed to be. I lay down on the ground next to him, and we just laugh for a while before I make eye contact with him again, still laughing quietly to myself. ~

"I...I'm so sor..." I'm half-panting and half-laughing. "I just never...realized before." ~

I softly, jokingly punch his stomach. "No more saying sorry!" I laugh. "Never realized what?" ~

"How much I love you! Do you know how much I love saying that? And I don't care who hears it! I LOVE YOU, PEETA!" ~

Everytime he speaks, my smile gets bigger and bigger. "I LOVE YOU, CATO!" I shout back. "I really do," I whisper. ~

"I can't control the screaming!" I raise my voice a little bit louder than his, and shout, "I LOVE YOU MORE THAN EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD, PEETA!" ~

I smile before I close his mouth with a long, passionate kiss. When I finally pull back, I whisper. "Relax, love. Relax." ~

"I can't! I'm mad for you, Peeta...you've taken me in forever and I can't get away even if I tried...I can't let you go ever. I love you, I love you, I...heart you." ~

I roll my eyes. "I think you got all of my cheesiness and all of my insanity." I smile at him. "But I feel the exact same way, Cato. I have from the start." ~

"Not all of your insanity!" I pout. "At least I don't talk to myself!" ~

"Very true. That's good though. Some of it." ~

"I...hope that makes up for last night." ~

"You made up for it when you held me when I was having nightmares last night, love...There's nothing to make up for." ~

"What were those nightmares about?" I never asked him, nor did he tell me about them. "Just curious." ~

"The torture," I say simply. ~

"Oh..." That kills the mood. "Sorry for asking..." He was having those nightmares for the first time. It was because I wasn't with him in bed that night. He asked me to sleep with him, and I said no, and he kept waking up crying because of it. "I should've been with you that entire night." ~

"I understand why you didn't want to, though...but I trust you." ~

I start sobbing-happiness, regret, depression, confusion-I have no clue. "I fucking love you." ~

"Oh god, love, please stop crying!" I kiss his face. "I love you, too." There's definitely something up with him. ~

"I can't...there's something wrong with me. I told you that last night." ~

"There's nothing wrong with you, love... This situation calls for a mix of emotions." ~

"No...I don't want to die." Still freaking out, half-screaming and half-crying...okay, maybe a little bit of laughing too...I turn away and crawl over to the wall opposite the bed. "I can't die if I love you this much! It's not right! I don't want to die." ~

"You won't!" I say to him. I hate seeing him like this. "Things will work out.. Remember? I love you more than anything in the world..." I go over by him. "We met for a reason. And you'll live through this...I just know it." ~

"Oh god. They're going to kill me." It's all just hitting me now. How the fuck can I even make it out alive? "Whether they have to or not, they'll fucking kill me." I bang my head against the wall-not too hard, but it makes a noise. "I love Peeta too much for my own good...please don't kill me." They'll slaughter me. He'll slaughter me. ~

"Shh, no... You can't let them win before you've even begun to fight." I press my forehead against his. "You can't give up." ~

"I'm sorry for loving him...I don't want that to be the reason I die. Anyone's fault but Peeta's." I shut my eyes and think about all the ways I could die. I can be shot down without anyone noticing. Taken captive again. Step on a mine and blow myself up. All murders courtesy of my father. "Peeta needs me." ~

"Cato... Stop. You're not out there. Open your eyes. Please. You're okay.." I kiss him in an attempt to make him conscious of being here in Thirteen. ~

"What are you doing?!" I open my eyes and slap his face away hard. "Peeta! I'm so sorry!" I kneel beside him and put my hand up to the red mark on his cheek. "Oh god, I'm sorry..." ~

I can't be upset with him. They did this. The Capitol. "Don't...be sorry." My eyes are tearing, but I'm not crying. "They messed with us." I put my hand on the hand that's on my face. "They...have to go down." ~

"I'm sorry. Don't cry." I kiss his cheek where I hit him. "Sorry." ~

"I'm not going to cry...this isn't your fault, love." It stings like hell, but I'll survive. ~

"No, I need to control myself...I'm sorry, Peeta Bread." I knock him to the floor with force, kissing him everywhere. "I don't want to die...I'm afraid." ~

"You'd be crazy if you weren't." I laugh. "You're allowed to be afraid. Just don't let it take over, so your fears never become reality." ~

"Okay...are you okay? I hit you...it's bruising. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to." I really didn't mean to. I'm insane. I think I'm going to die, but he tells me I won't. I believe him because Peeta is always right. "I'm so sorry," I cry, "so, so sorry." ~

"Please, don't be sorry. It's okay. I'm okay. I'll be waiting here for you when you get back. It's just a bruise love...not a big deal." ~

"But I did that to you." It's a big deal. "You've been abused your entire life and now you're getting it from me..." He was wrong. I'm a bad guy. ~

"Not on purpose!" I stand. "The Capitol fucked you up, Cato, and I can't forgive them for that! But I'm not going to be upset with you for what they did." ~

I lie down on the floor on my stomach, with my face turned slightly to the side. "I don't want to lose you again! I LOVE YOU!" ~

"You're never going to lose me...I'll always be your only Lover Boy. Remember that." ~

"Really? Will you?" He's going to lose me because I'm going to die. I'm going to lose him because he'll go crazy after that. "Please...stay with me down here." ~

"No matter what happens to either of us." I insist as I sit by him. "Always. I promised." ~

"I...thank you. I'll try my best to come back to you. No promises." ~

"That's...all I ask of you. I'll be here waiting, you know." ~

"Thank you...please don't let me die." ~

"You're driven by the need to come back to me. You will." ~

The crying that had started earlier is picking up more and more as I come to terms with the possibility of death. "I hope so." ~

"You will... I know it." ~

A/N: You're getting long chapters because yeah. :I I love reviews! 3 xx


	50. Chapter 50

A/N: This chapter is wonderful and ever so appropriate for a landmark chapter. You'll see what I mean. ;D Cato starts.

The next morning, they sent out a team to rescue Peeta's family before we do any attacks or anything. I hope they're okay. But I have faith in District Thirteen.

And they're planning a meeting for about thirty minutes from now. Apparently, it's with me, Finnick, Johanna, and others. No Peeta, because he isn't going in to fight. In fact, while the meeting's going on, Portia will be giving Peeta a haircut, and a dye job, if necessary.

Thank god.

"Peeta," I say, changing into clean pants, "nap time is over. You slept through breakfast." ~

"Hunh?" I roll over towards the voice. "But...I'm hungry..." I yawn. I'll live, but it's Cato. I'm gonna complain. ~

"You'll have to wait until your schedule has room for meal time." I start tying my worn-down shoelaces-double-knotting them to get back into the habit of it. "Sorry, but you had a lot on your mind and you look really cute when you're sleeping." ~

I groan. "You ate and didn't wake me up?!" ~

"I didn't eat much!" I defend myself. "I almost woke up late without you there to wake me." To be honest, I think I was so worried that I woke up early for once. "They left this morning, you know." ~

"Who?" ~

"The team to get your family." I wonder if I'll ever see my own mother ever again. "They should be back tonight, I think. More or less." ~

"Ah, shit..." I curse quietly. ~

"Why? You'll see your dad and brothers again!" ~

"No one told me that they were going this morning, though... I wanted to talk to the team first. Less importantly, to get the cats, but my dad will bring them if he's allowed. But more importantly, to tell them not to bring my mother.." ~

"Maybe she'll refuse to come." I hope so. Because I will cause an 'accident' that WILL kill her. "Even if she comes, you don't have to be nice to her." ~

"I don't want to cause more of a problem, though." ~

"You won't. You see this? The rebellion? This is a good thing, not a problem. And you caused it...by accident, of course...but still." I kneel at the side of the bed and make it so that I'm eye level with him. "You'll be good while I'm at the meeting, right?" ~

"Yeah, of course! I'll be with Portia. I missed talking to her. She always made me a lot more relaxed when I'd freak out before the Games." ~

"Good boy." I pat his head, laughing. "And I'll finally have blonde Peeta instead of rebel Peeta." Blonde Peeta always seemed more innocent, anyway. ~

"According to Portia, I have to look like Peeta circa the Hunger Games. So people recognize me." I laugh. "So blonde Peeta's gonna be rebel Peeta, too." ~

"You look like Peeta? Naaah." I joke. "That's like making me look like Peeta circa the Hunger Games. I don't think you'll be able to pull it off." ~

"We'll see, won't we?" I laugh. "My hair is so long.." I pull at it. ~

"Maybe once she chops all that shit off, I'll be able to see your eyes for once. Blue, right?" I laugh. Of course, I look into his eyes a lot, but he just has so much hair in his face that it's ridiculous. ~

"Very funny." I clear it off my face and roll my eyes. "Your boyfriend's going to be a television star." I laugh. ~

"My boyfriend's been all over national television for months now. But I think the fame is starting to get to his head." ~

"That was bad fame though." ~

"No fame is particularly bad fame. It's all the same. Every last bit of it." People think it's good, others think it's bad. You can't win over an entire audience no matter how hard you try. Not even in the Capitol. "But I'm sure the people in the Capitol will be delighted to see you." ~

"Oh, joy." I smile. "The people. Not their officials. You think Snow knows we escaped or do you think they lied to save their jobs?" ~

"Probably the former. He'd be able to see through their lies anyway." Snow knows nearly everything and honestly, it scares me. That's why I've always been afraid that Peeta never really came back. Because of Snow, the Capitol knows just how to screw with me. "But as far as I know, no one's been executed or fired or anything...but I have a feeling that they'll all be sacked if they screw another thing up." ~

"Which they obviously will." I smile. I'm confident things will work out. I can't imagine a world without Cato. So we have to win. ~

"Because I always fuck their shit up, right?" I laugh quietly. "It's always the two of us screwing things up for the Capitol. Partners in crime, right? And partners in life, too..." ~

"That second part, especially. But I suppose it comes with the first one." I smile. "But partners in life...most definitely." ~

This leaves me at a loss for words. Because I fucking love him so much. "I...yeah." I laugh and hide my face in the side of the bed. "Definitely." ~

"You know, if you go back and look at the Games...at the beginning, I feel like we'd be the last two people to fall for each other. Lucky for us, we did...unlucky for the Capitol, though." I smile. "It's fate. It has to be." ~

"I know...remember, you thought I was playing with you at first? You said something along the lines of, 'Stop fucking with me, alright?'" I lift my head up and kiss his hand. "Still not fucking with you." ~

"Not yet." I give him a smile and look him right in the eyes, and we both begin laughing hard. This is what love is. I just know it. ~

"You know that isn't what I meant!" I say, taking a breath for once. "Before we kissed that night, I was wondering to myself why you kept saying people hated you. I just didn't get it. The entire time, I just kept thinking to myself that you weren't so bad...I didn't think it'd become more than that...I was just originally planning on killing you." I shrug. ~

"And I begged that you'd let me die in the least painful way possible. Berries. How ironic." I laugh. "Wanna hear something funny? Every time you'd call me Lover Boy, I knew it was because of my interview...but I always hoped that I'd be yours." So dorky, but so true. ~

"Our lives are full of irony, Peeta. 'See you soon, love.' Does that ring a bell?" I start to laugh even harder now. So, so full of irony. It's the basis of our relationship. "And you are my Lover Boy. Well, you haven't really earned the title Lover. Yet." I wink. He knows what I mean. ~

"And I intend on it." I laugh with him. "You're right, though-with all of the irony. It's like there's someone up there, controlling our lives and just bringing these things up over and over again. But...it makes everything so much more memorable." ~

"Memorable, yeah! But that's not always a good thing." Memories are good, for the most part. "Whoever the bitch is keeps bringing up terrible things that happened to us! Fucking karma!" ~

"They'll get what's coming to them, don't you worry." I laugh. "We'll have our happy ending, whether they like it or not." ~

"We better!" We laugh quietly to ourselves for a few seconds, but it just turns into us staring at each other. The eyes, the face, the hair, the arms-everything. But mostly, I just look into his eyes. Normally, staring at him for this long would make me want to throw him onto the floor and rip his clothes off...as we have many times...but I like this for now. I never realized how much he's changed just based on the way he looks at me. Before, he always just seemed sad and lost. Now...he's just glad to be with me. And I'm happy to be with him. "I'm so glad we met." ~

"And you weren't, at first." I can't believe that. It all seemed so long ago...it was only really about seven months ago. When I believed I'd fallen in love, and was destined to die for it. When I'd first seen this angry boy from District Two...and first heard him laugh, letting me know that there was so much more to the man behind the mask. A mask forced to him by culture and the Capitol, and a mask removed by love and me. Only to reveal a face scarred by the past; scars that, with kisses and time, would heal. Slowly, but ever so surely. ~

"Because I thought you had to die...and I said that before I kissed you, you know. Even before I knew you were gay, I didn't want you to go." I remember it so well. How fidgety he was, and how he snapped at me when I pushed him to give me a reason why. I kinda hated myself for insisting on it, but really...if I hadn't, would he have ever told me? "I guess maybe I always knew." ~

"Am I really that obvious?" I laugh. ~

"No! I mean that I would like you, silly!" His gayness wasn't that obvious. Well, now that I know, I can see it, but not before. ~

"I was about to say." I smile. "I didn't think I was that bad." We lie in silence again for a few moments before I break it. "I'm crazy about you, you know." ~

"So am I." Just as he opens his mouth to say something, I catch my mistake. "I mean I'm crazy about you, too. Not myself!" I take his hand in mine and kiss his cheek. "As you could tell from my screaming yesterday." ~

"I didn't mind so much. Though this quiet is nice, too." I trace my hand along his face, trying to memorize every detail. Take in the one or two freckles. Creases from smiling or stress. The shape of his eyebrows and hairline. Every bit of it. ~

"Anything is nice with you here." ~

"I'm always there with you, you know." ~

"Your face when you smile...is the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen." And the best smile award goes to...Peeta Mellark. ~

"Who...me?" I give him my innocent, slightly pouty face. ~

"Yes!" I force the corners of his mouth up so that he's smiling. "Like this! Not the pout!" ~

I roll my eyes. "You're silly." ~

"Am not. I'm the deadliest person in District Thirteen, mind you!" ~

"Yeah, yeah. That whole thing." I laugh. "But you can still be silly. I mean, look at who you're dating." I hold my arms out. ~

"Who said we're dating?" I scoff. "The nerve of some people." ~

"Well then what the hell are we?" ~

"I thought we were already married." I laugh. ~

"We are together enough." I laugh, too. "And we fight like we're married, too." ~

"Then why the hell aren't we married?!" Part of me is joking around, but the other part...why the hell not? Besides the fact that we haven't even been together for a year. "Why the hell not!" ~

I smile and laugh with him, before our eyes meet for just a moment. And though we're laughing, I can see it in his eyes, and I think he can see in mine that we're both just a bit serious. That's when things get very quiet. ~

I turn away from him and mentally slap myself. Stupid! "I uh...was joking of course. That's ridiculous." ~

I wasn't. "R...right." I respond, laughing nervously. ~

"I mean...I love you, Peeta!" I really do. "But...now? That'd be silly!" ~

"Yeah, it would be." I smile. "One day." But what if we never get that day? ~

"Definitely one day. Not a doubt in my mind that I want to." Did I just ask him to marry me? ~

"...Me either." I whisper, putting my face halfway into the pillow, half looking at him. At this second, I don't know what to feel. I could cry from sadness or happiness at any second. ~

You know what? Fuck it! "Consider that...a proposal, boyfriend." ~

My heart stops, and nearly rewinds to make sure I heard that correctly. "Wait, w..what?" I sit up immediately, just confirming he said what I thought. ~

"I mean, we aren't going to anytime soon, but...you heard me right." I don't care how long I've known him. "I feel like I've known you my whole life." We're perfect for each other, I think. "You're perfect for me." He needs me. "We need each other." And I love him. "And we're in love. So whatever happens with it, how it happens and stuff...I don't know how, but I love you. So goddamn it, I will fucking marry you, Peeta!" Yep, I'm insane. ~

No wonder he calls me a girl all the time, because I'm definitely the girl in this relationship. I immediately begin sobbing tears of joy and tackle him to the ground with kisses. I can't even make out words to describe how happy I am at that moment. I care about nothing else but being with him, kissing him...nothing more than he and I exist in that time. When my sobs cease and I'm positive I can't kiss him again due to lack of breath, I whisper, "That counts as a 'yes', right?" ~

For a minute, I can't say anything. What the fuck did I just do? Yes, I love him with all my heart, and I've thought about this before, but is this too soon? We can always wait a few years, I guess...so it won't be too bad. "That's definitely a yes in my books." ~

"...I'll wait for you forever. No matter what." I insist to him. I've never felt like this about anyone before, and I can't imagine feeling this way about anyone ever again in my entire life. ~

"You would've waited anyway!" I laugh. "I'm so happy right now! I LOVE YOU, PEETA!" Honestly, I am happy-more than I've ever been in my life. I didn't even know that was possible, but I guess being with him makes anything possible. ~

"I know that, just..." I smile and break into laughter. "You know what I meant, you jerk." ~

"Yeah, I know! But did you ever think this would happen? Like we were saying, think back to the very first day of the Games. Would you have ever thought that I'd...?" ~

"It's like I said...I never expected, but always hoped." I pause. "Hoped that maybe, I'd just get one moment before I died to tell you how I felt." ~

"Well...you surpassed that." And this is the perfect moment, so I pull him on top of me and kiss him intensely. "Any doubts you could've had about you or us...gone forever." ~

"I know not to doubt you." I laugh. "What time is it?" ~

"Ten forty-five, I think." Only fifteen minutes to go. "Don't tell anyone about...us, okay?" ~

"Of course.." I sigh. People would overreact. Plus, I don't want us to be brought in like a piece of a puzzle in this rebellion. "I should get ready...Portia would appreciate it if I at least brushed my hair out." ~

"I like it like this, though." I start combing through his hair with my fingers. "We'll tell people after all of this." ~

"First you don't like it, now you do? So indecisive." I laugh. ~

"I mean I like the mess!" ~

"You like it because it looks like sex hair." ~

"Truth." ~

"Oh, you." I laugh. "At least you're honest." ~

"You should start getting dressed." Smirking, I pull his shirt off over his head and ruffle his hair. "Just thought I should help." ~

"I appreciate it." I laugh, standing. "All they gave me for clothes is versions on that same outfit from yesterday." I sigh. ~

"Same." Still no good clothes. "How am I supposed to look sexy in these clothes?" I pause for a moment and shrug. "Nevermind. I always look good." ~

"I agree with that." I laugh, opening a drawer and pulling out a shirt and slipping it over my head. ~

"I knew you would." I check the time again. Ten minutes. "Well, we'll be apart for who knows how long today, so...if you ever feel lonely, just think about what you just said yes to." ~

"Life with you?" I turn back and smile at him. "I said yes to that ages ago." ~

"Oh, trying to be cute, eh?" He doesn't have to try to be cute; it just happens. "Maybe I should just take it back, then. The proposal." ~

"But I'm not trying." I whimper. "I just have to be able to make snappy comebacks if I'm with you." I laugh, still keeping on a bit of a pout. "Besides, why would you take it back if I was being cute? Isn't that just a bonus to you?" ~

"Because I said no more cute Peeta!" I give him a serious look, when really, it's only good-natured joking. "Besides...taking it back, there are other reasons." ~

I get a little nervous, but at the same time, I know that he loves me-I'm sure of it, and he's always told me to stop taking him so seriously. But I can't help getting a bit nervous. "Like...like what?" ~

"Well, first of all, you kept staring at Finnick yesterday." Not sure if he was or not, but it's only good-natured joking. "And I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you." ~

I feel like I got the wind knocked out of my chest. "N-no! I wasn't!" I wasn't. I probably made more contact with Annie than Finnick, and both of us knew I didn't go that way. "I wouldn't!" I cry out, immediately dropping the pair of pants I'd pulled from the drawer. "W...why?" How could this happen so quickly? Minutes ago, we were perfect. Moments ago, we were perfect. Now I'm shaking, my chest hurts, and I feel like sobbing. I just stare at him, waiting for some kind of response. ~

So he still can't pick up on my lines. "I was going to say that I want to spend the rest of forever with you," I say flatly. "I was just...don't cry!" Stupid me and my stupid jokes go way too far yet once more. ~

I give him one of those, 'Are you serious?' looks before running and hugging him. "I told you, jerk. Match made in heaven." I let out a sigh of relief. "You're such an asshole, but I love you." I pull back and kiss him gently before standing up again. "Now that I can breathe..." I shoot him a look and smile. "I should probably put pants on." ~

He squeezes me so hard that I can't even talk until he lets go of me. "I'm sorry! I figured that after...how long were we actually together? Two months and a half?" He was dead for about three months, and I was away on the Victory Tour, so...really. ~

"I'm easily swayed. You're pretty good at fooling me." I stick my tongue out before motioning for him to turn when I switch my pants. ~

"Really? You dropped your boxers in front of me but you can't even change your pants without me turning around?" I laugh. "Honestly, Peeta! Don't make me regret asking!" ~

"Well, you turned away. I was just trying to respect what you wanted. Jeez." I smile. ~

"Alright, whatever." I cover my eyes and turn around. "I have to be out soon." ~

"I'm just trying to be a good b-" I pause, and smile to myself. "-fiance." That was going to take some getting used to. ~

When he refers to me as his fiance, my face goes extremely pale. Thank god he can't see it. "Yeah..." Shit, I think I'm going to puke. This is too much to take in in a week...in the past twenty-four hours, really. "You can still call me boyfriend...I mean, if you want, or...it just sounds better. Not that fiance sounds bad, or anything," I say quickly, "but it's what we're used to, right? I...I'll shut up now." ~

As I pull the second pair of pants back on, I laugh a little. "You're cute when you're nervous." ~

"I'm not nervous!" I'm scared. Also, eighteen is way too young. So is seventeen. He's seventeen. Oh my god. Is this even legal? "Nervous is not in my vocabulary. What's nervous?" ~

"Either way, you're pretty cute." I laugh. "Sexy, really." I have a million words I could use to describe him. My personal favorite? Mine. ~

No, Peeta. Stop telling me these things. This is really freaking me out though. I'm insane! I don't know what I was thinking when I asked him. I was crazy just yesterday. Yesterday! He should've known I was insane. If he had realized, he probably wouldn't have taken my proposal seriously. Goddamn it...not that I'm second guessing myself or anything, because I really do love him...but it's so soon that I feel sick. "I should go now." I rush out the door, hiding my face from him. ~

A/N: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. REACTIONS? PLEASE LET ME KNOW! xx


	51. Chapter 51

A/N: That was a nice note to end it on. I personally really like this chapter. :3 Starts with Peeta.

"I-" He's gone before I can even turn and say goodbye, or tell him I love him. I stand there for a minute, dumbfounded. "...love you." I whisper. Then, I look over at the clock. 10:55. We still had five minutes...something was wrong. Very wrong. I just stay as I am for the next five minutes until Portia shows up to walk me to go do my hair and "fix me up", as she says. ~

I run around the hallways looking for the meeting room-or even a bathroom, because now I really have to piss. Peeta's my fiance. Fiance. "Fiance," I whisper to myself. My tongue can barely form the word. "Boyfriend?" That sounds okay. That sounds more than okay. "Fiance...oh god." I mean, it's not like I lied to him. I was just saying what I felt. And I do want to be with him forever, and I don't think that will change. I love Peeta. "I'm going to marry Peeta Mellark." Well, fuck.

"What was that?"

Well FUCK. "Hmm?" I act surprised-because I was, but now I can't be so suspicious-and turn around. "Hi...Finnick. You're late too, huh?"

"Yeah, Annie and I got kind of...tied up back there." He smiles. Oh, I know that look. All too well. ~

"So...what're you going to do again?" I ask, looking at myself in a lit mirror for the first time in a long time. Someone could've told me I looked like I was a crazy homeless kid.

"Just a cut first." Portia says, fumbling through a bunch of drawers. "If the cut doesn't get rid of all of your..." She giggles. "Other colors, then we'll bleach and dye your tips."

"Great, that makes me sound at least twice as gay as I already am." I laugh. Portia always made me feel comfortable. She laughs, too. "As long as it looks like it's my own hair, I don't care what you do."

"Don't worry, I know you." ~

"I see." I nod slowly and start walking with him down the hallway. What to say to the man I practically worshipped for an entire eight or nine years? Yes, I've seen his Games many times. Sometimes, more than I would have liked to.

"So what were you saying?" he asks.

"Oh...nothing," I lie, "I was just talking to myself. I'm a little whacked out, in case anyone took the time to realize."

"I thought your boyfriend was the one who talks to himself." He laughs at me.

"Not my boyfriend!" I immediately go up to cover my mouth. Shit. "I mean, he doesn't talk to himself anymore." Fiance, fiance, fiance, my mind taunts me. Shut up! "He said he's an ass and doesn't like talking to himself anymore," I say, approaching a door numbered 1219. "This it?"

"...Yeah." He sighs and opens the door for me. So he's nervous, too. ~

She makes the first cut along the blackened ends of my hair, to get rid of that bad memory. "After I cut your hair, I'm going to fix you up a bit. I can do things that the medicine can't." She smiles, brushing through my hair again. "So, how's it feel to be dating Panem's most desired man?-after Finnick Odair, that is."

I laugh, and want to immediately respond and tell her about Cato and I, but then I remember how quickly he left when we still had spare time together. "Pretty good." I give her one of my big smiles. "He really is a nice guy, you know."

"I tried to tell you that before the Games, you know. That not all the Careers were bad kids, just a bit misguided." Portia was the only one I told about my crush on Cato. I bet she'd probably known all along when I went missing that's where I was. "Who was right?"

"You were." I roll my eyes, which I can now see in my reflection. "Yeah, yeah, you don't have to rub it in." ~

When we walk in the room, I stop short when I see that most of the seats are already filled; just two are empty. Yep, we're late.

"How very nice of you to join us," Coin says, with an obvious tone of detestment on her tongue. "Didn't you check your schedules?"

"Yeah, we just left l-"

"He got lost," Finnick cuts me off, sitting down in one of the chairs. "So I was just guiding him through the hallway."

Ah. I get it. Late is a bad thing to be. "Yeah, I'm just a little delirious today." That isn't much of a lie. I pull out the seat next to Finnick and sit down carefully, as to not upset my stomach. I still want to throw up. When I look around the room, there are the obvious familiar faces-Coin, Finnick, Johanna, and even Haymitch-but some others are here, too. I haven't met these people yet. ~

"I'm just saying." She sprays my hair with a bunch of water and some weird shampoo-type thing. I remember it from before the Games. It smells really nice. Like lilies. "Now keep your head still, or I'm going to cut it unevenly and you're going to look horrible."

"I can't get much worse than my hair the past few months, right?" I laugh, coughing a bit at inhaling the shampoo-lily-spray-thing.

She shakes her head at me. "Did you do this yourself?" She pulls up the last bits of my brown hair. "Not bad."

"I got it in Nine. I followed the box." I admit. "It wasn't that hard, but it kinda burned my scalp." That wasn't fun to do in a small hotel room. Ow.

"Your poor hair." She sighs, snipping off the brown bits she had in her hand. "You haven't washed your face in months, have you?" She looks at me in the mirror. "We have lots of work to do to make you presentable for the cameras, Mellark." ~

"These plans won't be final until we see the reactions to Peeta Mellark's broadcast tonight. Depending on which way people in the Districts sway, our plan of action may or may not be suitable for the situation. We're still planning, nonetheless, with several backup plans so that we'll be ready no matter how this turns out." All while Coin drones on about shit like fighting and such, I think about Peeta. My fiance. I give a small shiver, then realize that the president hasn't taken her eyes off me. She doesn't look pleased. "Any questions before we begin?" The question is open for everyone, I think, but it seems directed more towards me.

"Um...yeah. I don't know some of these people, so I was just wondering...who...?" I ask, referring to the three unnamed people sitting at the table with us.

"Members of your team," she says. "Carissa," she points to the girl sitting next to Johanna, two seats away from me; she has long, auburn hair, and looks quite short, but she has to be in her mid-twenties. "Myron," Coin points to the man sitting next to Finnick; brown-haired and probably somewhere in his late-twenties or early-thirties. "And Vince." She refers to the twenty-something year old blonde sitting next to her. "Learn to play nice with them."

"Wait, it's just the six of us?" I thought there would be way more people involved in this.

"On your team, yes." She sighs, annoyed. "If you're going to lead the rebellion and carry out special missions, you can't have too many people dragging behind you. We chose the six best for your missions. There are others-Boggs, Jackson, Cressida...all preparing for the ultimate attack on the Capitol, which cannot be done without you all doing your jobs first. And after it all, if you're still fit for the job, you'll likely be going to the Capitol as well." ~

"Well, we have a while, right?" I ask, watching my hair fall to the ground.

"No! You record tonight!" She laughs. What. "No one told you?" She leaves me for a moment to grab a bottle of something that smelled foul.

"Nope! No one told me!" I whine. "What is that?!"

"Bleach. If I cut any more of the brown off, you're going to look terrible. They said they wanted you like the Games, but a lot...better off?" She puts on a pair of gloves. "Don't worry. It won't hurt, you baby."

"Not funny!" I shut my eyes, yelping as the chair leans back and she starts to put what I assume to be the bleach on my hair. "It smells horrible!"

"Stop whining. Beauty isn't always fun, darling." Well, Cato'd get his blonde Peeta back. Whether he wanted him or not, though, was still in the back of my mind. ~

"Okay...thanks. That's all I was wondering." They chose the six best for these specific missions. Okay. I'm ranked up there with my childhood idol, Finnick Odair. Well, this puts me in a better mood.

President Coin looks around the room for anymore questions. No one speaks up, so she continues on her endless explanation about what's going to happen. "Our last resort is to send people straight to the Capitol." That's a relief. "We would rather wait until we secure the Districts first, then send mass troops in. At this point, we're hoping to send you out to District Two. It all depends on how District Four sways. It would be to our advantage to pick up one of those so-called 'Career Districts,'" she looks at me, "as soon as possible, since they are most favored by the Capitol. District Four just might rebel due to the nation's favorite victor being one of the leaders of the rebellion, but one can never be sure. Our best bet would be District Two."

Why District Two? Why? Are people rebelling there? Or does she just want to dispose of me as soon as possible? Sending me out to District Two might just be the equivalent of sending us to the Capitol. But I don't object. I just nod, pretending I understand why.

Although, I'm still hoping for rebellion in Four. ~

"Yeah, yeah." I stick my tongue out at her. "I didn't ask for this. The bleach, at least."

"Stop complaining." She laughs at my face. "Seriously, you're going to look great. I've got a pretty good template, but you won't recognize yourself when I'm done-in a good way, that is. You'll look like you, if you'd never been in the conditions and grew up in better conditions."

"I'll look good?" I go to open my eyes to see her face, but she shuns me.

"You'll look amazing, Peeta. Relax." She giggles. "I know you want to impress him."

"Funny, very funny." I smile. "Maybe. Just a little."

"You can open your eyes now." I hear her say, and I open as the chair sits me back up vertically. "Now I've gotta dye you, then we'll work on the face and your body."

"Can we pick out new clothes too?" ~

"You'll all start training at 900 tomorrow morning, right after breakfast. Then you break for two hours for lunch at 1300, and you continue all the way until dinner. This will continue for the next four or five days, at the very least."

I groan. I've spent my entire life training...and now I have to again. Without Peeta, too.

"Is something wrong?" Coin asks me.

Assuming it's a rhetorical question, I answer, "Nothing at all," in the most sincere way I can possibly manage.

"Good. Now, if all goes as planned, you'll be sent in by hovercraft..." She goes on about how we'll most likely be dropped off near the middle of Two-not the direct center, where the Justice Building is, but a little farther off. Maybe that's near Victors' Village. Maybe not. We're supposed to force a surrender in District Two, or whichever District we end up going to. Like I said, hopefully it's Four. But if we go to Two, then I know exactly who is supposed to surrender there. ~

"I think you look adorable in this!" She laughs at my shock. "You do, but they're obviously not going to have you in this for your propos."

"Thank goodness." I sigh. "What am I wearing?"

"That's a surprise...You'll find out soon enough. Now stop talking. Let me work on your face. Shut your eyes.

I do, and the first thing I see is him. My mind plays through everything that's happened in the past couple of hours, and what I could have done wrong to make him rush out of there like that. Did I smell funny? No, he's seen me worse. Did I say something in my sleep? My dreams were all good. Happy. Maybe I kicked him or hit him when we were out? Now I'm thinking way too much about this. You're just going to have to talk to him about it. But I won't get the chance till late. On the way here, Portia told me I'd have to eat with her because I'd be working all day. No community lunch. No Cato until 2300 tonight, when I was done shooting. It'd haunt me for the rest of the day. I wish I could've told him I didn't have time. I didn't understand the scheduling. Now he's going to think I'm avoiding him...damnit. ~

"Do you understand?"

We all nod in response. This is definitely the Hunger Games Extreme. They're going to teach us how to use guns, and about possible attacks, and how to counterattack-everything we need to know if we want to have a chance at coming back alive. That's what makes me nervous the most. Will I ever see Peeta after this week? I just want my boyfriend here with me.

Fiance.

Peeta, get out of my head.

And now, I feel sick again.

"Myron, due to seniority and experience, will head your team."

My hands are shaking underneath the table. I look afraid; people probably think that I'm afraid to go fight. I still am a little bit, but they don't really know why I'm scared. It's because I said I'd marry Peeta. I asked him if we could get married.

MARRIED.

I'm not ready for that. I don't see how he could be.

"You may be dismissed now." ~

Maybe it was this whole thing about getting married. But it was him. His idea. I mean, it wasn't even like we were technically engaged or anything...it's just that promise. That you will be, one day. That someday, you want to spend the rest of your lives together as something more than dating. But that can't be it. Because he brought it up first. It was all him. So I throw that idea out of the window. "Hey, Portia?"

"Mmm?" She says, definitely holding something in her mouth.

"I..." I can't put all of this on her. But I need to talk to someone. "Did you see Cato at all when you were on your way to my room?" ~

As we leave the room, Finnick pulls me to the side and waits until everyone is out of earshot. He says, "I don't think she trusts you."

"Who?"

"Coin," he whispers. "I can see it in her eyes."

"I thought she just hated me because I always interrupt." Never has it crossed my mind that she would consider me distrustful. After bringing Peeta here? Definitely not. "Why wouldn't she trust me?"

"It must be something about you. You seemed kinda off this morning, too. She probably thinks you're working for the Capitol or something. I mean...your dad, you know." Finnick is a smart man, so he's probably onto something.

"Then why would she pick me to go with you guys?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know. To make sure you end up dead? I think she thinks you'd be a traitor. But that's just my input." He points between the two of us. "This conversation never happened." ~

"Actually, no, I didn't." Of course not. He left minutes before she came. But they would've run into each other, maybe... "Why? What's wrong?"

"I...I don't know. And that's the worst part." I sigh. "We were fine this morning...more than fine, really." I smile a little, thinking about it all. "We were even counting down the minutes left until we both had to leave. But then he just said he had to go...and ran out."

"Oh, Peeta..." She coos. "It couldn't have been that bad."

"But that's exactly what happened. We were just talking, joking, laughing...and he left." Talking about it, I'm getting a bit emotional and nervous. "I don't know what I did."

"I'm sure it's nothing crazy. I mean, you both only got here two days ago-this may sting-" It did. I yelp. "-so nothing could really go that wrong in two days."

I proceed to elaborate on the night before last, our fight, the terrible words exchanged... "I just wish I knew." ~

"Alright," I say nervously as he walks down the hallway in the opposite direction as me. Everything I say sounds nervous now. Because I'm a fucking wreck. But I can't be, because it's an hour to lunch so I have time to kill in our room. Maybe he'll be back, but probably not. With his face, his hair, his...everything, which was perfect enough already...he'd probably be gone for a while.

So I just sit on my bed-our bed-when I get there. Everything in this room is so boring. I wish I brought those art supplies with me. I mean, I wouldn't have known nor would they have let me bring them to the Capitol so that I could draw pretty pictures of Peeta getting tortured, but I still wish I had them. Then maybe, I could practice sketching while I waited for him to get back. During the Victory Tour, I tried a few drawings on my own. They were mediocre at best compared to his, but at least I tried. ~

"Shh." She sighs. "That's terrible. But I don't think it's the end of you two. Over something so small."

"But what if it's chips? Chips that have been one on top of the other? Waiting to split?"

"You're overthinking things. Now stand up, take my hand, and come with me." I follow her instructions with my eyes still closed as we walk into an adjoined room. "Now lay here. This may tickle, but that's about it."

Yeah, the stylists in the Capitol's version of tickle wasn't all too great. I groan.

"It's going to get rid of the scars on your body, so stop." Well, that was a good thing. "It'll clean any imperfections otherwise off of your skin, besides natural things like freckles."

"Do your worst." I laugh. ~

There's a bedside table to my right, so I lean over and open the top drawer. It's just clothing-Peeta's clothing, because mine is all tossed onto the floor-but the second drawer has stuff in it. Mostly pens, pencils, paper, napkins, and somewhat worthless items like that. But I take out a piece of lined paper and one of the sharper pencils and begin drawing.

I'm absolutely terrible, but I think it'll make him laugh. I lean the paper against the table and draw two stick figures of very different heights, clearly implying that it's me and him. It's so bad already but it's the thought that counts, I guess. I draw it so that we're holding hands and I put a giant heart around us. I draw the jackets, too, even though I only have his. At the top of the page, I write: Together, we said. On the back of the paper, I write:

Dear Peeta Bread,

I drew you a picture of us...

I sigh and think hard about continuing that sentence. Maybe the more I say it, the more I'll get used to it.

...on that one special day in the future. The one we talked about earlier today. And I know it's the most hideous drawing you've ever seen and it'll blind you because it's so, so, so bad, but please don't make fun of it. I just hope you'll smile on that day as much as you are in this masterpiece. Because I love you sooooo much.

As long as it's a really, really long time from now, maybe I won't mind. But it still scares me just thinking about it.

You probably can't tell because it's so bad, but this was like us walking when we first found Thirteen because that was the first time I've seen you so happy. You said it yourself. Your You're so happy that on a scale from 1 to 10, you were a 14. That's a lot.

You make me a 20.

We won't be with each other a lot this coming week so I just wanted to make this for you. Love ya, Peeta.

Love, your love

I straighten out the paper because it's bent up a little, but it's still readable. I don't care what anyone says about my artwork. I'm proud of that shit. ~

I'm laying on this thing for a while-it's kind of like a table, but it has an indent for where my body goes. I shout over to Portia, because I know she's not right next to me anymore, "Am I allowed to sleep?"

"Knock yourself out." She calls back. Based on the distance of her voice, I can tell she's back in the other room.

So I allow my thoughts to wander and wade away as I drift into sleep. Of course, I dream about him. Good dreams and bad dreams. Dreams of our future, and dreams of me coming back to the room and him having requested his own. Dreams of a world where nothing but us exist, and dreams where he doesn't exist at all. ~

I put the note down on the pillow just in case he gets back while I'm at lunch, which starts in five minutes. Just before I leave, I take my jacket off the chair and put it on. It's cold around here, anyway.

I just want to see Peeta, though. Apologize for leaving without saying bye, probably. But I'm afraid that seeing him will trigger anxiety inside of me and I'll scare him off. I don't want to leave him again. ~

I wake up when I hear Portia calling my name. "Peeta? Get up, jeez. You can open your eyes."

They flit open, and I squint at the immediate brightness. "Ugh!" I try to sit up, but I ache a little. "Ow... is that normal?"

"Yeah, here," She hold out her hand to me. "Let's go back into the other room. I brought you some lunch."

My face immediately brightens up on the thought of food. "You're my savior!" I laugh as she walks me into the other room, where two trays of lunch wait for the both of us. ~

Lunch was boring without Peeta. After spending every second with him, the day seems to drag on when I'm alone. Of course, I have people to talk to-everybody, really. Even people I've never met before. Saying how they're excited for the rebellion and that Peeta's going to fuck over the Capitol. Actually, it seems that most people here like him.

But people keep trying to talk to me about him, when all I want to do is eat in silence. ~

We eat and talk for a while, though she won't let me look into the mirror. I want to know why, but she says now I can't see myself until I'm done. After a while, a girl comes in and hands me a few sheets of paper with the general idea of the propo that I'm doing tonight. I spend my time reading it, and making sure that I focus on it. I use it to distract myself from my problems with Cato, and fears I've had about it all.

I focus on the rebellion. I focus on being a help in any way I can. Because they need me. And right now, I need them. ~

After I eat, I go back up to the room and see that there's still no Peeta. He hasn't been here once because everything in the room is untouched. Since I have downtime, I take a nap on the empty, unused bed. I have the usual nightmares of me dying without even getting to say goodbye to him, and sometimes the Capitol uses my death against him somehow. He's crying and it hurts me that I can't do anything because I'm dead. But after all of this comes the dream where we're just lying with each other in my bed back at home. Like how it used to be. ~

A few hours go by, and I continue through trials with Portia, and once or twice Cinna even comes in to see how we're doing. It's great distraction, but my mind still wanders to Cato. Often. What he's doing right now. If he's thinking about me, too. Probably not. He's really busy with other things.

"Do you want to see yourself?" Portia says eventually, snapping me out of another daydream. I stand up immediately. I only have the pants I'm going to wear on, so I only get a general idea of the outfit...but Portia was right when she said I wouldn't recognize myself.

In my entire life, I've never seen myself as attractive. But...this. This changes everything.

I mean, from lifting all that time, I knew I was muscled-not necessarily strong, as Cato always insisted-but not like this. My skin was perfect. It was as if the torture hadn't ever happened. I run my hand along my arm. "Is...is this real?"

"That's what you had all along kid."

"There's no way."

"That boy was right," Portia insists. "You're too down on yourself."

I was so distracted by my body that I didn't even realize my hair was back to its first, original shade of blonde. "This...is so weird."

"C'mon. You've got to go. Put this on." ~

I wake up at 5:47, I'm assuming, because the clock says 1747. I think that's how their time works. Either way, I'm late for dinner, but I don't want any. I don't want food when Peeta isn't here. But maybe Peeta's down there waiting for me. He probably is, so I stretch for a couple seconds and speed out the door down to dinner.

When I get there, everyone's midway through their meal, and I look around for Peeta. I think I stand there for about five minutes, checking and rechecking the room for him. But he isn't there. Is he avoiding me because I didn't say goodbye?

Sighing, I turn go back out the door, and I pass by the table with my team sitting down eating. I hear Johanna say, "This is where you eat, you know."

"I'm not really that hungry," I admit. "Have any of you seen Peeta?"

The answers I get are mainly "no"'s and "I don't think so"'s. So I go back up to my room and sit in a chair by the door, staring at the wall. Why wouldn't Peeta come down for dinner? Did he think I'd be there? Is he busy? Is he mad at me for earlier?

Earlier.

I'm marrying Peeta.

Nope, it still hasn't set with me yet. Fuck. ~

I pull the shirt over my head and Portia slips some jacket onto me as I'm rushed down the hall towards another room. Haymitch, Coin, and a few other people I don't really recognize are there. "Uh...hi?"

"Hey Peeta." Haymitch gives a small wave, obviously shocked at how different I look from yesterday.

"Fantastic job, Portia. Really." I think it's the first nice thing I've heard the president say since I've been here. I just stand there awkwardly as she explains what she did, lifting my shirt to show the lack of scars. Then, they begin talking to me again.

"Did you memorize what we sent over?" Coin asks. I nod.

"Told you. He was good like this during the Games." Haymitch comments. "It'll be simple." ~

Soon enough, there's a knock on the door. Did I lock it? I turn around and see that the door isn't locked at all. "Peeta? You can come in, it's just me."

The door opens. "It's not your boy, but I was hoping I can come in anyway." When the door opens a little bit more, Finnick pokes his head in.

"Yeah? Sure."

"Nah, actually, I was just wondering if you wanted to watch the propo," he says, motioning for me to go with him.

"The what?" I stand up and walk over to the door, finally noticing Annie standing behind him.

"Peeta's broadcast. He's taping it live in a few minutes. Come on, you haven't seen him all day."

"Oh...kay." I leave the room, locking the door behind me. "Where are we going?" I'll finally get to see him. Not in person, I'm assuming, but still.

"1219. Same as before." They lead the way down the hallway, with me trailing anxiously behind. ~

It's right before we go on that I start to get nervous. But that's just the way I am. "It's okay if I change one or two words, right? I mean, in case I forget or something." I look to Haymitch. He's seen me like this before.

"Just do what comes naturally. You've got to come off as honest. So be honest. What we gave you was a guideline." He responds, giving me a reassuring pat on the back.

"So, question. How does everyone in Panem actually get to see this?"

"We have Beetee hack the television lines." Coin responds. I see one of the people from our meeting the first day, the older man, at one of the computers behind the glass wall. He waves at me and gives me a smile.

"Woah. So...it's every channel?"

"Yup." Haymitch says.

"Everywhere?"

"Yup."

Oh god. I'm so scared. ~

There's already a large group of people in the room-maybe twenty or thirty. When we walk in, I hear someone shout, "Hey, let the boy up front so he can see!" referring to me, apparently. Then, I get dragged up to the front of the room near the huge television that spans at least half the wall. Right now, it's basically dead air. But any moment now, Peeta will be up on screen and I can finally see him. I miss him. ~

"Sixty seconds!" I hear someone yell. I get into my place in front of the metal wall with the symbol of District Thirteen on it and take a deep breath. But I'm shaking. My heart's pounding.

"Thirty to air!"

Maybe I'm not cut out for this. This was probably just some big mistake. I shouldn't have agreed. I have no idea what I'm doing.

"Fifteen!"

I can't.

"Ten!"

I can't do this.

"Five!"

And just as I'm about to tell them to call it off and run as far away from that room and all of the cameras and people, I see another person come into the control room by Haymitch. They shake hands, and he turns to face me.

It's my father.

"People of Panem." ~

"Oh, shh! It's starting!" I yell excitedly. I have never been more excited to see Peeta on television. Before this, seeing him on the TV was a bad thing. It was always replays of him dying, or news telling the nation that he was alive-now, the nation will know he's alive, and it's a good thing. Now everyone will know how strong he is, my boyfriend. ~

"My name is Peeta Mellark. Tribute to the 74th Annual Hunger Games." I pause. "Tribute. Not Victor. But still I stand here. Alive. To warn you of an oppressive Capitol that you may or may not have felt the effects of. A Capitol with a sick sense of amusement and justice. One that finds joy in killing twenty-three innocent children. Year after year." I take a deep breath and look at my dad quickly before going on. "Forcing families to live in fear. Mourn losses of their own sons and daughters. Watch them get murdered on live television." ~

When I first look at the screen, I stupidly ask, "Who is that? That's not Peeta..." Just as everybody is going to ask what the fuck is going on in my head, I look more closely at the television. "Peeta?!" He doesn't even look like Peeta anymore. Actually, now that I think about it, he looks almost exactly how he did in the Games six months ago. And that's why I didn't recognize him at first; I'm so used to dirty, three-toned-hair Peeta. He doesn't even have any cuts or scars anymore. He looks flawless. That suits his personality. "You go Peeta!" ~

"They say that it's all fair. But how is it fair that one child from the same District at the same age as another can be more likely to die, just because the Capitol doesn't give them enough to eat?!" I think about the kids in the Seam, and how many times their names were in the Reaping. How rare it was that I was picked and not one of them. "Why on earth do we continue to live under this? Because no one has fought against it." I pause again. "Until now. District Thirteen. It was never destroyed by the Capitol." I stare directly into the lens. "The Capitol fears us. Because we've beaten them one too many times for their liking. Well get used to it." ~

"That's so true!" I exclaim.

Someone says, "Shut up!"

I need to see Peeta directly after this. I need to. I want to congratulate him on his face, on his propo, on himself-everything. He's finally going to get the attention he deserves. ~

"So I offer this to the Districts of Panem: join us. Do not take living in this hell any longer!" I begin growing honestly angry at my words. Because it really is how I feel. "Be you from District One or Twelve, acknowledge that we are all one people, divided by the Capitol! Forced to hate each other through their Games! This has gone on long enough. Too many have died. Too many have suffered." I'm shaking, but in a good way. "And to the Capitol; We will be rid of you. You can fight us, trap us, beat us, torture us, and kill us. But we will never, ever live by your rules again. Divided, we are nothing. Together, we can and will destroy you." I take one last deep breath before finishing. "It was your choice, and your fatal mistake to count us out. Now it's your move. Check." And the camera goes out. ~

A/N: Actual badass rebel Peeta Mellark. Yes. Review with thoughts! xx


	52. Chapter 52

A/N: Cato starts this wonderful, wonderful chapter. To those of you on tumblr, one of the quotes we posted last night is in this chapter. ;D Good luck!

The second the video cuts out, I start jumping up and down because I'm just so excited to see Peeta. Not only is he standing up for himself, but for all of us. For the entirety of Panem. Whether they choose to side with him or not, somewhere deep inside they all know he's right. The Capitol is a terrible thing that some of us were unfortunately raised to praise. Maybe some people, like me, will soon realize that the Capitol is wrong. "Where can I see him?!" I run over to the door, pushing through many people to get there. "Let me see him!" I whine.

"I'm not sure if you can, kid," Finnick says.

"They wouldn't let us in the room to keep him company. I really wanted to be there to calm him down, but they just wouldn't let us..." This is the first time I've actually heard Annie speak more than one full sentence.

"They'll have to let me in! I'm his boyfriend!" Boyfriend. Just that. So I kick the door open and start sprinting down the hallway to who-knows-where. ~

The moment I'm given the "okay", I run out of the taping room and into the control room to hug my dad. "Dad!" I could cry, but I won't. I'm too hyped. "I'm so happy you're here!"

"That really was something, Peeta." He pulls back from me and smiles. "Really."

I give a big smile to him. I don't even know what to say. There are a million things I could say, stories to tell, but I have no clue where to begin. But then, I feel a strong pat on the back. I look to my right to see Haymitch there, grinning his toothy grin.

"Great job, kid. I knew you had it in you. Always did." Over my father's shoulder, I could see that Coin had a pleased look on her face, too. She gives me a nod of recognition, and I take that as a "job well done".

"What time is it?"

I realized with all the setup that we did, it must be getting late. "2144." I hear someone say, and I think for a minute before Haymitch leans over and whispers, "About 9:45." He laughs as I thank him. It really was getting late.

"Is there anything else here I need to do?" I ask no one in particular, hoping to just get time to talk to people. No such luck, as apparently I'm needed for at least another hour to take photographs and make comments to send out to newspapers already working on the rebel side. My dad sits by me, though, as I talk to people for about a half an hour, forty five minutes about my story, my experiences back in District Twelve, the torture, and of course, Cato and I. Maybe it was just back home that people thought guys liking guys was weird, because everyone just took it like any other relationship here.

After another half hour of photos (which included a number of touch ups, courtesy of Portia), I was finally done, and transferred via a back hallway into my dressing room of sorts with Cinna, Portia, Haymitch and my dad. I'm just so happy that he's here and safe. ~

After like twenty minutes of looking for the damn room, I found it, but they still refused to let me in. So I just wait out the door, looking through the tiny window every few minutes to see Peeta sitting there at a table, having millions of pictures taken of him. It's never ending, I swear, because I'm outside for another half an hour or so. And it's so mind-numbingly boring not being allowed in. But the next time I look, he isn't there anymore. Where'd he go? ~

I take deep breaths as Portia carefully takes the military-esque jacket off of me. I'm completely hyped up now, I can't even focus. I manage to get that I need to change my pants and shirt in the back room, which I do-but as I do, I can't help but try and remember the last time I looked like this, though I never did look this good, the last time I was close to this clean and healthy was a very long time ago. I walk back out in a really comfortable pair of red plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt, courtesy once again of Portia, who really does pay attention to my complaining.

"Thank you. All of you." I finally manage to say. Haymitch leaves first, followed by the pair. And for a while, I just sit there and talk to my dad. Partly because I missed him so much, and partly because I'm afraid to go back to the room. ~

Finally, someone unlocks the door and lets me in. "Where is he?! Point me in the direction!" I shout over the voices of many people. "Which way?"

A couple people point or nod in the direction of a door in the back, so without hesitation, I rush over to the door and out into another hallway. There's only one door, and it's at the end, so I run over to it and look through the window. It's just Peeta in the room, talking to someone else, who has a very familiar looking back of the head. As much as I want to, I don't burst through the door and hug him. I just knock. ~

"Hm..?" I look over my dad's shoulder at the door. "Who is it?" I call over, running my fingers through my hair. ~

"Delivery for Peeta Mellark!" I yell through the crack in the door. ~

I raise my eyebrows in confusion. My dad just shrugs, so I stand and step over to the door, pulling the door all the way open. ~

As soon as the door opens, I fling myself into Peeta's arms and hug him. "PEETA!" ~

At first, I don't know exactly what to do or think. I mean, I'm so happy he's here, and hugging me...but something was wrong this morning. Very wrong. And I can't just pretend that never happened. But I hug him anyway, because I missed him terribly.

"..Did you see?" I ask tentatively. ~

"Yes!" I kiss his cheek. "Every little bit of it. You looked angry, too, so you did it perfectly and everything and-" I look over to the person he was talking to earlier and realize that it's his dad. "Hi, Mr. Mellark!" ~

It's like his personality did a complete 180 since this morning. I'm a bit confused but now isn't the time. My dad stands and holds out his hand to shake Cato's. "How are you?"

"He showed up right before I started taping!" It really was what got me through it. Knowing not only the effects this has had on me, but him and so many other families and friends of tributes. ~

"I'm good-great, really, thanks to Peeta." I shake his hand, smiling. "That's so good that they got...him here as soon a they could." Him? Them? I don't want to ask if his entire family is here or not, just in case the answer is a bad one. ~

"That's good." He responds, smiling our trademark smile.

"My brothers went to their room. To calm down my mother." I give him a look begging him not to overreact. Pleading. "She's anxious and confused about this. She doesn't even know I'm alive."

"They told us it was for protection when we came. I didn't know we'd be brought here..." My father says. "It's more amazing than I'd ever thought. A whole civilization underground." ~

His mother is here. Great. First priority: avoid the bitch. But I fake-smile at her being here, safe. "Well, it's a good thing you're all safe." I take a seat in one of the many chairs and use another as a footrest. "So how'd everything go after? They wouldn't let me in to see you." ~

I sit back in the chair I was in, and my father turns his in to face Cato. "Really well..tiring, though. I had to take pictures and do interviews. Apparently the news groups in some Districts are already on our side." I explain. "They didn't want anyone really in there who didn't have to be."

"Haymitch let me in because I had just gotten here, and Peeta was getting nervous before taping."

"You can't blame me!" ~

"Sounds like fun," I say, looking at Peeta. "Well, I'm really glad you're here. You're the closest thing I have to a father figure." It's true, especially because my own father sucks. "I just want to say...I really, really love your son. Peeta, I mean." ~

I look to Cato and smile just slightly.

"Well, I assumed you meant Peeta." He laughs. "I'm glad to be here, too." He puts his hand on Cato's shoulder. "Don't worry about anything. You mean everything to Peeta. Which makes you family." ~

You know what else makes you family? Marriage. And so the stomachache returns. The color drains from my face just a little bit, but I attempt to cover it up by talking. "Y-yeah...thanks for the thought, Mr. Mellark. I appreciate it." Not sarcasm. I really do. I just don't appreciate the marriage thought. Not right now, when I was so close to getting over it. ~

"No problem." He smiles genuinely. "I should be getting back to the room, though. To see your mother." He gives me a knowing look.

"Okay..." I stand as he does. "We should get back, too." I look to Cato. "I'm honestly exhausted." ~

"Would you like me to carry you?" I laugh, waving goodbye to his dad. "See you." ~

"I'll be fine." I laugh, giving a hug to my dad and exiting the room after him. I stay quiet when Cato and I walk alone, because all I can think about is this morning. I keep going to speak, but find I can't form words. ~

"Hey, Lover Boy." I run up beside him and put my arm around his back. ~

"Hey..." I sigh, shivering as he touches me. ~

Groaning, I say, "I missed you today." And I lean my head on his as we walk. ~

He did? "Mm-hm... Me too." I avoid his eyes. ~

"Peeta?" I stop walking. He continues, so I hold onto the collar of his shirt so that he can't leave. "You don't seem very happy to see me...did someone say something?" ~

"No, no." I turn and smile at him. "Really." I insist. It's not what someone said...it's what you didn't say. But I can't dwell. "I'm exhausted. That's all." ~

"Oh...kay..." He hasn't really spoken a lot since we've been alone, so we walk back to the room in almost complete silence. I unlock the door and hold it open for him. "Ladies first." ~

I manage a smile and roll my eyes as I walk into the room. "Thanks." Why is he acting like nothing happened? ~

"No problem...hey, what's that paper on the pillow?" I pretend not to know anything about the 'mysterious' note on the bed. ~

"Hunh?" I turn to the bed and see a small piece of paper. I give him a questioning look before sitting off the side of the bed and reading it. I'm washed with a mix of emotions. Because I'm so happy with what's here. It makes me smile. But it makes me even more confused about this morning. I look up at him when I've finished I'm teary eyed from a combination of joy, sadness, confusion and exhaustion. "Cato..." ~

"Did you look at the picture?" ~

I nod. ~

"Did you think it was cute?" I go over and sit next to him. ~

I laugh a little quietly. "Of course.." ~

"Yeah...well? I'm sorry about earlier, so I thought this would make up for it." You're marrying Peeta. Oh god. ~

"What even happened?" I whisper, staring at the piece of paper. "You just up and left." ~

"I was going to be late for the meeting. I had to go." ~

"You didn't even say goodbye." ~

"I..." No lies. Even if it makes things easier. "I got kinda freaked when you said fiance." ~

So that was it. "But you brought it up first." I whisper, trying not to crack. ~

"I know...and I don't regret it, it just scares me." I sigh. "You're so okay with it...and I'm nervous." ~

I put my hand on his. "Is that it? I'm nervous, too... But it's nothing so monumental or permanent yet. I see it...kind of like this thing kids would do in Twelve. Promise rings. They made then out of heated, shaped coal. And it would represent something. Couples would use then to promise marriage, or their first time together with it. Some boy-girl couples used them to promise that, if one got Reaped, the other would volunteer." It's really sweet. "It's not the actual, scary thing..it's a promise that the intent is there. That's why, maybe, I was a bit more cool about it." ~

Thank god. Thank god. "Oh...I just assumed, when you called me that, that it was...oh god. I'm so sorry." ~

"I was being playful." I roll my eyes. "Now who's the one talking things too seriously?" I pause, looking back at him. "...I was just worried there was something really wrong." ~

"No, it was just that." I turn to the side and kiss him on the lips for the first time since this morning. "I didn't mean to scare you. There's nothing wrong." ~

"I just worry.. You know?" I sigh, smiling into his kiss. "Well, now that it's all cleared up..." I stand, holding out my arms. "How do I look?" I laugh. ~

"Different," I say, "but the same as before, you know? I was used to you and your three-toned hair. But...okay, I really want to fuck you right now." I put my head down to try to hide my face, which quickly filled with color. "You're hot, okay?" ~

I get just as red faced as he does. I was asking about the scars, but...this was definitely nice, too. "...Well then." I laugh a little, awkwardly. "I haven't even shown you under my shirt, but if you can't handle it.." ~

"PLEASE SHOW ME UNDERNEATH YOUR SHIRT!" I beg, collapsing into his lap. "I NEED MORE PEETA!" ~

"...You're the one who's sex crazed." I laugh. ~

"Show me underneath your shirt!" I pin him down to the bed and stick my hand underneath and run it up his stomach and chest. "It feels weird!" ~

"Jeez, fine! If you'd let me move my arms!" ~

"No!" Laughing, I rip the shirt off-not literally, but still-and look. Nope...can't handle it. "Where'd all your cuts go?" ~

"Completely gone." I smile at his shock. "My arms, face, legs too. Burns, even." ~

"Wow...I feel too ugly to be with you now." I laugh, but it's still kinda true. "My face is still kinda fucked up. Look at this," I say, pointing to my face, which is still healing from the burns. ~

"But you're not! You're my manly, battle scarred boyfriend." I laugh. "If it really bothers you, though, Portia could fix it all." ~

"I don't think there's time for that..." Training. Food. Downtime. Sleep. Meetings. The war. "I'm pretty sure there will be no time. I'll just stay ugly until I get back." ~

"But you're not ugly! You look dangerous!" I smile. "In a good way." I want to hug him, but I'm still pinned to the bed. ~

With intense force, I let my arms give out so that I collapse on top of him. "Give me some of your sexy," I whine. "Come on...fiance." Now that I know he was only fooling around, I'm okay with it. It doesn't make me so squeamish anymore. ~

I say nothing. I just immediately kiss him, wrapping my hands in the back of his head, pulling him as close as possible, and putting my legs around his so I had him trapped. I missed just kissing him. I could do it for hours. ~

As we kiss, I move my hands down to his pants and attempt to pull them down, but I can't really do it if he trapped me inside his legs. So, I pause the kiss for just a moment so that I can pull my own shirt off. Once that shit is on the floor, I resume kissing him, tongue and all. I can feel things heating up between us, so all I want to do is remove my pants so that I can cool down a little bit. "Peeta," I get out between kisses, "let me...take...them off." ~

My heart is pounding, and all I can manage out through heavy breaths is a nod and a whisper. "Quickly." I pant, letting him go. ~

I tear his pants off the second he lets me go. Then, I unzip mine and pull them off. "Much better." ~

"Oh god, yes." I grab for him and get his shoulder. "Now kiss me, goddamnit." I get out. ~

"I'll make up for a whole day's worth of kisses," I say, pulling the blanket over our heads and begin kissing him again in the near darkness. We get so into it in the next five minutes that we actually manage to roll off the bed, with me hitting the floor and cushioning his fall. "Ow." ~

I laugh. "Be careful...I need you around!" I kiss him again, holding his hands to the ground so he can't let his hands roam as they have been. ~

"Are you taking control now?" I smirk. ~

I roll my eyes. "No, no... Your hands just seem to wander to...places that make things happen. So I'm forewarning you." It's true. It's not that I mind...just no surprises. ~

"Oh," I say disappointedly, "I was kinda hoping that you were..." ~

I raise my eyebrows a bit. "Oh really? Why is that?" ~

I turn my head to the side to avoid eye contact with him. "I was uh...I wanted you to be on top for once." I laugh a little bit, shutting my eyes tightly. "You always seem to be having so much fun on your back." ~

Well then. "I don't mind." I smile. "Whatever makes you happy." ~

"Do to me what you'd like." Anything at all. "Except, you know, it." ~

I don't know if I could do that even if he'd let me. But I smile and nod. "So..." I kiss his neck for a moment or two. "You don't mind..." I go down to his collarbone, and to the top of his chest. "If I," I pause. "You know..." I kiss to his stomach, focusing a bit on his belly button. "Tease you a bit?" I smile, looking up at him and kissing along the waistline of his boxers. ~

"Do...what you want." I pick up my head so that I can see what he's doing. What a fucking tease. "If you uh, feel my hand poking you...it's not my hand. Just a heads up." ~

"Well, I appreciate it, but...I think it's a tad late for that to be a heads up." I smirk, noticing the bulge growing under the cloth. ~

"Oh, great," I say sarcastically. "If you haven't noticed yet, I kinda like this new arrangement. Keep going." ~

"Who said I was stopping?" I think for a second, sitting up and sitting on him right below his waist-if you catch my drift. "But maybe I will." ~

"No, don't!" I want aggressive Peeta now. He's strong, and sexy, and confident, and I just want him on top of me doing things. "Do more, do more, please!" ~

I hold a finger up to his lips. "Then you'll have to lower your voice...you don't want everyone on the floor to hear you begging and moaning, do you?" ~

My face goes red as soon as he says 'moaning.' Well, this is new for me. "I..." No more words are able to escape my mouth, so I just shake my head vigorously. ~

"Didn't think so." I laugh a little as he blushes. "Perfect." It's so peculiar for me, seeing him like this-and acting like this, but that's completely a separate thing-but there's a part of me that likes it. I immediately bring my head back down and begin kissing him from his ear to the bottom of his neck, up and down, constantly focusing on the one spot that drove him insane-though this is on the other side of him. ~

"This again?" Oh god. It's the spot again. "Peeta...aah, oh my god." I'm already sweating and I haven't done anything. Just the thought of Peeta dominating me gets me all hot and anxious. "You...are so good...to me." ~

"As I've said time and time before...and as I'll say again and again," I whisper into his ear. "Nothing you don't deserve." As I speak, I allow my hand to softly trace down the center of his chest, pausing right before his boxers. ~

"Never," I take in a deep breath, "will I ever deserve you, but okay." Shivers are sent through my body when he lightly touches me with his cold hands...then he just stops. "Wh-whaaaat why did you stop?" ~

I allow my index finger to toy with the stretchy waistband. "Stop what?" I ask completely innocently, lifting my head from his neck. ~

"N-never mind then..." He's playing with my underwear again. My fucking underwear. "What are you doing down there?" ~

"Hm?" I question, adding my middle finger and using them to follow along the slightly indented skin where the waistband just covered around the front of him. ~

"Peeta...if you keep doing that, I think I'll pass out." ~

"Can't have that, can we?" I smile at him as I let the fabric snap back to his body. "You ruin all of my fun." ~

"Nooooo!" I whine. "Keep going!" ~

I shoot him a look that could kill. "Did I not just tell you to keep quiet?" ~

Whoa. "Sorry," I whisper, giving him a sweet smile. "Please go on." ~

"At least you've learned that 'please' gets you places with me." I take the hand that was messing with his underwear before and bring it beneath him to squeeze his ass. It's so perfect and toned, and I can barely handle myself with it. I take my time and just kiss and lick his ear for a while...I'm honestly doing this all based on instinct. I mean, my only thing to base it off of is the fact that he likes it in my dreams. I'm hoping I can read him well. ~

Okay, now I really can't handle myself. I want to fuck him, I think, but it's too soon. But this is really too much. "Thank you..." THE EAR. "Oh...oh, Peeta." What the fuck is this? Aggressive Peeta is so different but so good at everything. ~

My heart starts pounding faster, hearing him actually moaning my name. It sounds so wrong, and yet...so right. In between kisses, after a minute or two, I begin whispering things into his ear. Romantic things. Sweet things. Hot things. Dirty things I swore I'd never say to him aloud. ~

"Where did you get this shit from? Peeta...this is so unlike you." Not that it's a bad thing. ~

I immediately stop what I was doing. Everything. "Oh...I'm sorry. I did say I wouldn't change on you... So I should probably stop." ~

"No! Don't stop..." I reach over to his head and start playing with his hair. "I liked it...please don't stop yet." ~

And just as quickly as I stopped, I'm back on him again, saying things I will never repeat to anyone besides him, kissing his ear, toying with his underwear and squeezing his perfect ass...And I sit, right atop him, carefully, my ass finding a comfortable spot right on the bulge in his underwear. Any slight movement could easily drive him insane. I know it. And I love it. ~

He's sitting right on top of it. And I can't tell if it hurts or if I'm even more aroused by that, but either way, I don't know how much longer I can last. "Since when was it a hundred degrees in this room?" I ask nervously. ~

"Since, about..never?" I smile, pressing my body against his and laying atop him. "This is nice...very nice, but you know what I really want?" I whisper to him. ~

"What? What do you want?" Anything. I'll give him anything. ~

I lean my head in even closer, so my warm breath is on him. "I want you to leave faster. So you can get home faster. So that the moment you come back, you can take me to this room and fuck me in the ass so hard that I cry and can't walk. Over. And over. And over. All through the night. Every night." ~

"That's...Peeta, that's dirty," I say like a child. This is what he's reduced me to. He keeps staring at me, so I close my eyes. "You're naughty, Peeta." ~

"Of course it is." I smirk a bit. "You've only just noticed?" ~

"Ye-no...of course not." I start breathing heavily to let out all the emotions I've been keeping inside. "W-why don't I just do that to you right now?" ~

"I'm yours whenever you decide to take me." ~

"Your ass is mine whenever you want." I grin. "Could be now...?" ~

"Oh, I've wanted you for a long time. I won't push anything, though." Because I know he wants to wait until he gets back. But has he decided he wants it now? I'm his the moment he tells me so. ~

"It's up to you, Lover Boy." I push myself up just a little bit so that I can kiss him. "I'm ready when you are." ~

I put my hand on his shoulder...and just slightly forcefully, but gently, push him back to the ground and smile down at him. "I never said you could get up." I scruff his hair once before moving myself just a bit against him in a way I know'll make him want it bad...really bad, before I stand. "I think we should wait. You need some kind of motivation to get back, don't you?" I wink. ~

Immediately, I sit upright and pull him to the ground. Then, I climb on top of him and hold him down. "I wear the pants in this relationship," I whisper in his ear, before I bite it. He better like that. Because that's all he'll be getting. "And I say we do it when I want. Got it?" ~

I loudly squeal a bit in some combination of pain and pleasure when he bites my ear. The immediate change in positions gets my breathing heavy. Even though I can play the one in charge...That's Cato. And we both know it. Because as soon as he begins giving me commands, I get completely submissive, and nod my head quickly. ~

"So..." I lick a spot completely across his chest. "Would you like it now...or later? And don't lie." ~

I bite my bottom lip hard in a failed attempt to stifle a moan. "I want you so badly." I whimper. ~

I pretend to start pulling down his boxers. "How badly?" Who's the tease now, Peeta? ~

I shut my eyes tightly. "Oh god, so badly I don't think you even understand." ~

"Then turn onto your stomach. Rear side up." ~

Immediately, I do as he says, flipping myself onto the other side and holding myself up with my elbows and knees, ass in the air. ~

"Tell me when, bad boy," I say, attempting to seduce him in any way possible. ~

At this point, I can barely breathe in a frozen state of anticipation. "I...I..please." I stammer out. Oh god, is this really happening? ~

Laughing quietly, I slowly start to pull his boxers off. I pause for a second and ask, "Are you sure you want to give it up to me, of all people?" ~

"More than sure." I begin, whispering. "I love you...there's no one else I'd want to have me." ~

"Good...very good, Peeta. Will you be this well-behaved the entire time? Because I wouldn't like that very much." ~

"Most definitely not." I breathe out. "I can't be held responsible for what I do, say or scream when it happens." ~

"Wonderful...hey, Peeta, you said you liked the rollercoaster, right?" I don't wait for an answer. "Well, get ready." I continue pulling ever-so-slowly for a couple seconds before letting the waistband snap back against his skin. Standing up, I smack his ass and laugh. "Maybe some other time." ~

I completely collapse to the ground, shaking and panting. I turn myself onto my back and look up at him frustratedly. "You're horrible, you know." ~

"You're the bigger tease. And I think you're much dirtier." ~

I sit myself up. "It didn't seem as if you minded one bit." ~

"I didn't. But then you made me want it so bad." I almost considered doing it with him. Almost. But it's too soon. I don't care if we're in love. Too soon. "So I decided to make you want it bad." ~

I groan. "I guess that's only fair." ~

"But I have a question. Where did innocent Peeta go this entire time?" ~

"What do you mean?" ~

"You were just so...dirty. Where the hell did that even come from?" ~

I sit down on the bed and just shrug. "I don't know." ~

"Who are you and what the fuck did you do with my boyfriend?" I laugh. Whatever happened...I like it. ~

"Hi, my name's Peeta Mellark and I'm a rebel from District Thirteen, pleased to meet ya?" I hold out my hand and laugh. ~

He's such a dork. He's adorkable. "Nice to meet you," I say, shaking his hand. "I hope we can be good friends." ~

"Well..." I grip his hand tightly and use it to pull him up towards me onto the bed. "I hope we can be more." I smile and kiss him-just a peck. ~

"I don't think my boyfriend," I kiss him back, "will appreciate this." ~

"You think?" I kiss him again. "He doesn't have to know." My boyfriend is cheating on me...with me. I laugh in my head at the thought, remembering him describing his excitement at the dream with two Peetas. I suppose, based on...earlier events...that I could have a bit of a split personality-at least when it comes to things like this. ~

"So how exactly do we keep it a secret from him?" I start running my fingers through his hair-his blonde hair, finally. "If he finds out that I'm cheating on him with a rebel..." ~

"Then what?" I push him a bit so he's laying on the bed now, and I lean down and kiss from his ear to his lips. ~

"Oh...he'd probably cry the second he found out. But you are stronger than that." ~

"And you like that." It's not even a question. It's more of a statement. Because I know he does. Powerful, strong, volunteer Career winner to the Hunger Games Cato likes being dominated. You learn something new every day. ~

"I like both of you." I really do. But now I'm thinking that I may have corrupted him somewhere along the line and that's why he's acting like this. "I don't want to lose my boyfriend, though." ~

"Of course not." I whisper gently. "Whenever you want him back, say the word...he'll do exactly as you please." I kiss his cheek to let him know that innocent part of me is still there. ~

"I want him to come back and talk to me, if you'd let him." ~

I laugh a little. "I'm not two people love." ~

"There you are!" I give him a quick kiss on the lips. "That's my little Peeta Bread." ~

I shake my head a bit, smiling. "I was always here, you dork." ~

"Get off of me, then." I laugh. "Come on, I've had enough excitement for one day." ~

I roll to the side so I'm laying next to him, finding my place under his arm, where it's safe and warm. "So-rry." ~

"I thought I told you not to say that word anymore." I smirk, hugging him. ~

"Perfect." I rest in his arms and yawn a little. "It was a long, long day." ~

A/N: And that's that! I hope you all got worried and felt better. YAY, NO ANGST. Review!


	53. Chapter 53

A/N: I'm pumping out these chapters because honestly now you're really going to start to get into the backstories of these boys and a lot of the previous stuff is gonna slowly make sense. Cato starts.

"You're telling me? It felt like that meeting lasted an entire year." ~

"Oh!" I turn my whole body to face him. "How did that go?" ~

"Oh, you know...fighting and stuff. It's cool." I know I have to tell him the details...but I don't want to. ~

"Cato..." I know he's holding things back from me, and I give him a look that conveys our previous promise- 'no more lies'. And that included secrets. ~

"They want to send us straight to District Two," I say, breaking eye contact with him. He knows that would be the worst place for me. ~

I furrow my eyebrows worriedly. "That's suicide," I whisper. ~

"I'll be f...I know it is." I kiss the top of his head. "It's alright." ~

"No, no, it's not...they have to know that!" I cry out in a whisper. "Coin has to know nothing will work like that." ~

"She already doesn't like me." Really, it seems like she doesn't like anyone. Just me especially. "There's no way I can change her mind...she said we might go to Four...but that they were hoping for Two. It'll be okay!" ~

No. It won't. But I don't know what to say. But now, I hold him. And I cry quietly. ~

"Shh...I'll come back. I said I would, didn't I? I don't leave anything unfinished." I have to come back. There's no other way this can turn out. "And we aren't finished here." ~

"But you can't help that." I bury my head in his shoulder. ~

"But I can do everything it takes to come back home to you. Besides, you never know...maybe they'll be more worried about protecting their precious Capitol and won't have many people in Two." It's a possibility. ~

"We can only hope...right?" I realize I'm holding him very tightly, so I loosen my grasp a bit. ~

"Whatever the situation is, I promise I'll get back to you some way." For the first time during this conversation, I can finally feel the circulation in my arm coming back. "Do you believe in me, Peeta?" ~

"More than anything. You're...the only thing I believe in right now." ~

"Does this mean I earned all my trust back from a week and a half ago?" I smile. Wow, we were only reunited not even two weeks ago and we've gotten into multiple fights already. And almost had sex about five times. And he said we didn't rush this relationship at all. ~

"I have to trust you, love..." I take his hands in mine and sigh. "In love, there's got to be trust. You made a mistake...and in the end, now, we could end up better off, because of it. Everyone could." ~

"See! I knew what I was doing, by not telling you!" And through all of this, the sad feelings, his soaked face-I'm laughing. "I knew what I was doing. Say it. Say I was right!" ~

"Nope." I jokingly 'zip' my lips together, mocking a lock and key and tossing the air key away from the bed, shaking my head with a smile. ~

"Say that I was right!" ~

I keep my mouth clamped shut and shake my head with an innocent face. ~

"I will leave you if you don't admit I was right!" Except, I don't think this threat phases him anymore. Months ago, it probably would've worked. But not now. ~

I pause for a moment, but then I cross my arms and call his bluff, smiling. I know he wouldn't. We're forever. ~

I give him the most stubborn look I can manage and roll off the bed onto the floor, leaving him behind. Then, I put on my pants and my shirt. Sleep probably won't be comfortable in this, but I really don't feel like changing into better clothes later, so I'll have to go through the night in this. And to top it all off, I go over to the other bed and crawl under the covers there. "We're done," I say, smiling to myself. ~

I sit up a bit and watch him go to the other bed. But he's done this before. Tried to get me to crack. Now it's on. So I put on my saddest puppy face, wide eyes, trembling lip, pout and all as I hold my arms out towards him and make grabby hands. ~

"I'm serious, Peeta." He's such a bad faker when he's around me. "If you're going to be like that...we're over." ~

I don't know if it's that I've had such a long, exhausting day, the fact that he's leaving in less than a week, or that at that moment, every fight we've ever had rushes into my head at once, but for some reason, I just begin sobbing. It's not fake. But it's completely sudden. So I curl myself into a ball under the blankets of the bed on my own in an attempt to calm myself down. It doesn't really work, because now all I can think about is my first afternoon in Two. The day Cato came home from the Victory Tour. Our first night here. ~

"Stop crying," I scoff. But it continues, and somehow, I know he isn't faking it this time. "Peeta...? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." I rush over to our bed and kneel at the side of it. "Shh...really, stop crying. Please." ~

"You were right, you were right.." I cry, remaining completely covered by the blanket. "I just don't want to ever fight again. Real or stupid fake..." I want to say it's because we may not have much time, but I think that's implied. I think it's hit me that there's a good chance that I may never see him again when this week's up. "Oh god, you can't go...Please don't leave me..." I continue to sob, shaking as I hold myself beneath the covers. ~

"I don't want to leave you!" Great, this is my fault. I've probably made him cry more in the past half year than he's ever cried in his entire life before the Hunger Games. That's a terrible thing. "Please, for me...just stop crying. I hate seeing you like this." ~

I attempt to find an edge to the sheet and poke my head out from it, my eyes swollen and my face wet with tears. "It's not your fault...It's them. It's all them. I wish you could just stay here with me..." ~

"I wish I could, too, but it can't be like that!" I take a dry corner of the sheet and carefully wipe his face with it. "I signed up for this when I volunteered for the Games, pretty much." ~

"You could've lived," I whisper. ~

"I wouldn't have met you. And without you," I brush the stray hairs out of his face, "there is no life." His sad, blue eyes just keep staring at me and I can't take the pain anymore. The only thing that ever makes me feel better is remembering that we have each other, and I'm sure it's the same thing for him, so I lean forward and kiss him. Differently, this time. Not a quick one. Not a passionate, intense one that almost leads to sex. No tongue. Just a sincerely innocent kiss that happens to last for maybe thirty seconds, or if I go by my own judgement, a lifetime. "No life to live." ~

I want the kiss to last forever...but it cannot, and like it, neither can my mind stop thinking about the "what if"'s for forever. "But if I just never told you, then you could've just won...you wouldn't have fallen for me, and I wouldn't have 'died' from those berries, came to Two... You would've had everything you'd always wanted." Now he'll have to die because of me. Never go home again because of me. I know he says that there was no life to live without me...but he would've never known. I couldn't have foreseen this when I confessed to him. Was it really so terrible to love this way? Was this some sick form of punishment we were both receiving for this love? ~

"But you made my life worthwhile, however short it ends up being..." It better not be a short life. "Don't tell me you're regretting this, Peeta..." I'm glad we met. Apparently, that's changed. ~

"No!" I immediately say to him. "I would never regret us...not for a moment." It's true... He's the world to me. "I just..sometimes I have these horrible, guilty thoughts that you'd have been better off...without me. That it was selfish to put my feelings out there, in the arena, in a situation like ours." Also true. Though I'm so happy I did, sometimes my mind convinces me that it was a bad thing that I did. ~

"I wouldn't have been better off, though...these few months together have made me happier than I ever would've been in an entire life without you. Remember the heartless killer you first met at the Games? Never existed. So it's not like I particularly would've enjoyed killing people and having to live my whole life regretting even volunteering like that...that wasn't me, remember?" My life without getting to know him would've ended up just as meaningless and dull as it was before the Hunger Games. "But now I have a purpose in life, finally, besides being born to please the Capitol. I was sent here to give you all the love you deserved but have been deprived of your entire life. It would've been wrong for you to not let your feelings out in the arena...you could've died at any moment, so you gave yourself that slim chance to at least find someone who treated you as an equal. Not even a friend or an acquaintance. Just an equal. But you found me, by chance, and I'm much more than that. You get everything you deserve now and you shouldn't have to feel guilty about it, because I'm on the same page as you. You gave me everything." I have to look away from him for a moment to keep myself from crying, because I know that he still wishes that he'd died for real or never even said a word to me, and that he thinks he's selfish. But like I said, he's not. "You're the most selfless person I've ever met and ever will meet, Peeta. You shouldn't feel bad for making me fall for you...you didn't make me, anyway. I think it was just meant to happen. And either way, I'm glad it did...you were worth the effort." ~

I bite my bottom lip gently and put my hand on his cheek to try to get him to face me again. "Please...please don't look away." I whisper. "Some things are just meant to be... And I think you're right. I think we're one of them." I continue to the back of his head. "You just...you deserve a long, happy, loved life with me. And they're taking that away from us, too. As much as they did before...I could never forgive them for any of this. I would only thank them. Just once. Because if I hadn't gotten Reaped...I never would have met you." I always try to find the bright side in things, no matter how terrible it may sound. "I fell for you almost immediately, and knew it would hurt if I said something. After all...we all know what happens in the Games. Only one person comes out. And yet...There was this aching feeling in my chest that told me that I had to at least try. Try to talk to you. Find out the man behind the mask." ~

"They're not going to take that away from us," I say, still not looking at him. "I swear, Peeta. I'm going to come back home, and I'm going to fuck you senseless, and I'm going to fucking marry you if it's the last thing I ever do." ~

"But..." I begin. "You can't swear on something that's out of your control." ~

"Every time I promised you something, it would come true." Finally, I turn to look him in the eye. "And I promise you that I'll make it back. I'm the most lethal person my age from District Two. That has to mean something. Don't believe me? I'll say it again. I promise." ~

I don't break eye contact with him. Not even for a moment. But tears begin gathering in my eyes, both at the prospect of his promise being kept and broken. And I nod. "I'll wait here for you." I smile a bit. "And I won't just mope around..." I laugh, choking a bit at the tears that are threatening to fall. "I'll keep working and airing things. So you'll still be able to see me." ~

"And you'll still be able to see me, I think. You know, cameras in the Capitol and stuff." I laugh, but notice that he's about to start crying again. "Please don't cry again, Peeta...I haven't left yet." ~

"Yeah...I hope so." I laugh again. "I just think that if I cry a lot now, I won't sob my eyes out like an idiot when I have to say goodbye to you in front of everyone." He looks a bit confused. "I mean, we'll have our time... but you know they're going to want a public goodbye in front of the cameras." Because it's perfect. The man leading the physical front and the man leading the mental front of this revolution. If one dies in the field, then it gives them an emotional call to anyone who ever wished Cato and I could be together. If he returns home, then we lasted and won. Portia put the idea in my head earlier, and I know that's what's going to happen. ~

"Okay..." So much for a private goodbye. That'll be awkward. "Just...try saving the tears for when I'm actually gone." I smile. "I mean gone a in fighting, not gone as in...dead. Because I won't let that happen. It's all in my control, no matter what you say. They've already used me in their Games once. It's against the rules to use me again, you know." I stand up and sit on the edge of the bed, still never breaking eye contact. "They'll never have is beat, Peeta. I swear." ~

"I know...I will, trust me. I won't lie, I'm probably going to be a wreck for a few days. But...then I'll get up and do things and wait for the day you get back. I've...realized something, being here. That there are people here who've had things just as bad, if not worse than us or me or everyone else. And even when I'm hurting, or in pain, I have to be strong. Not just for me. But for them." I think about Annie. I don't know her story, but I know we're very alike in all of this. I take his hand. "I know they won't. And I'll never forget that." ~

"And for me. You're being strong for me, too." He's right. Others around here will be hurt, too, if a loved one dies. But then I remember that if I die, suicidal Peeta will return. "Remember our deal. Live out the three months after to see if you can manage." ~

"I promised I'd be strong for you." I pause, really assessing myself to see if I can hold on to what I'm going to say. Because it'll be hard. "If...you don't come back...I'll last longer than those three months. I'll see this war through...to the end. Until the Capitol that took you from me is gone." I squeeze his hand tightly. "That's my promise." After the war...I hadn't even thought about what it'd be like afterwards without Cato. With him, we'd get to live our lives together, finally. But without...I don't know. It's something so horrible, I can't even imagine it. My mind couldn't come up with something that terrible. ~

"I mean, not that you'll have to worry about it." After saying it so many times, I started to believe it myself. I can feel it inside; I'll get back to him. "I'll see you again soon." ~

The ends of my lips shape into a smile. "That you will. And when you do...we'll be able to stay together. For good." ~

"That, dear, is correct." ~

"I'd expect nothing less, love." ~

"Good." I smile. "So it's a date." ~

"It's a date." I confirm. "And," I remind him. "There will be cake." ~

"Oh my god." I start laughing. He's ridiculous. "I'm starting to think you love cake more than me." ~

"But..." I pout. "The cake is for you." ~

"No," I lean to the side and kiss him, "it's for both of us." ~

I roll my eyes. "Fine." I kiss back. "But I'm not having any until you get here." ~

"Oh geez, please don't end up like my mom. Keeping a cake in the fridge, saving it for me for god knows how long! But I still get to feed you the first piece, right?" ~

"But see, when I make cakes, they could last in a fridge forever and taste just as good as if it were one day-though it's always better right out of the oven." I laugh. "Of course you do!" ~

"Good!" I collapse on top of him and roll to the side, giving him space and air to breathe. "Perfect...just like you." Months and months and I'm still laying these lines on him. Oh well. ~

"You're such a cheese." I laugh. "We should be getting to bed, though..." I glance at the clock. It's already 100. "Yeah, uh, I think our...escapade...took a bit longer than we thought." I say, nodding for him to look at the clock, too. ~

Breakfast starts in six hours. Oops. "I guess we should." Really not wanting to sleep in these pants, I get up momentarily just to take them off. When I decide that I'm comfortable, I lay back down next to him. "See you in the morning." ~

I go and kiss his cheek before cuddling up against him. "Good night, love...Sweet dreams." I yawn and drift into sleep. ~

"Night..." I wrap my arms around his already sleeping body and close my eyes. "Nothing but sweet dreams for you." ~

A/N: It seems to me like so many of these chapters end in sleep. Ah well! xx Review!


	54. Chapter 54

A/N: This chapter is emotionally tumultuous. But they're really good. Some of my faves. As crazy as they get. Peeta starts.

The rest of the week went on a lot like that day had. Busy from morning on. The days were hard, but the nights were oh-so sweet. There was one or two days where I had time to go down and have lunch with Cato and my father. He even seemed to enjoy talking to my brothers. It was nice...there were even times where I forgot that Cato was leaving in a few days.

The only real big hitch in the week was going to see my mother again. With all the propos, we couldn't keep the fact that I was alive a secret from her for long. It took a good while to convince Cato and make sure he was being honest when I asked him not to make a scene when he came with me to the room. It's an understatement to say she didn't take the whole 'me being alive' thing well. More than anything, she was angry at me for not coming to her first. Why in hell would I? The door was slammed in my face as it was those years ago in the snow, and I went back to shooting. Cato tried to convince me to not go back again, but I did the next day with my dad, just to try to make her stable in some sense. I don't really want to talk about what happened, but I made up some lie about stairs to Cato that night, which was always plausible, and had Portia fix it the next day. Even though I still ached.

The propos got more and more frequent, and more serious sounding. Detailing bits and pieces of the mission. Recognizing people who had been affected by the Games and the Capitol. I even sat with Annie and watched Finnick tell his story. I couldn't believe it. They successfully did to him what they tried to do to Cato. Except they didn't have anyone to threaten Cato with, so they couldn't make him. Finnick had to sleep with Capitol women, or they'd kill Annie. Like they killed his family. I held my arm around her, because I saw how hard it was for her to listen to it. This was what really started to get me to be confident in every hateful thing I ever said about the Capitol from that point on.

Sometimes people came in and spoke with me, which was nice, because if I messed up at all, I had someone to work off of. I did three with Finnick, for which he was forced to skip his lunches between training. From the look of him and Cato, when I'd see him late at night, they were working them hard. I often found my blonde boyfriend falling asleep before me, which was incredibly unlike him. He was constantly tired. Always yawning, forgetting things...

And then the day came. I laid in bed, glad I had nothing on schedule until his departure, where, as I predicted, we'd have to have a public goodbye. For the day before that, we'd just have time together and meals. I'm sure this was Haymitch's doing, and I quietly thanked him for that as Cato continued to sleep. ~

The next four or five days grew worse and worse for me. And for the rest of the rebel fighters, too, I'm sure. Training was the most intense thing I've ever done, but I understand why it was necessary. They had so many things to teach us and prepare us for; they taught us how to use special guns, for one thing. Of course, I've seen guns before, but I've never used one. Another thing we had in training was prepping us for extreme climate and the like—floods, heat, subzero temperatures, drought—everything. They also packed our schedules so much because it was such a short period of time. Apparently, they've been planning this attack for months; they just needed fighters. And I'd constantly lose sleep based on everything we had to do, so the second I'd get the chance to sleep, I'd do it. I barely even had time to talk to Peeta after the long days because I was so damn tired, but when I did, it would be the high point of my day. Probably his, too, even if I did seem out of it a lot.

I finally met the rest of his family, though. Even that poor excuse for a mother. One day, when I had talked to him, I could swear that bitch did something to him, but he told me he tripped on the stairs. Of course, me being tired and overworked, I brushed it off. But now that I think about it, I think it was her that did something to hurt him. She never learns her lesson, that one. I'll put her in her place one day.

As it turns out, Finnick was one of the other victors that was asked to whore themselves out to the Capitol, but since he was mentally and physically stable at the time (unlike me; I posed a risk) and had something to lose if he said no, he'd have to comply. This might be a reason for Annie's instability, but hopefully after all of this is over, they can finally be okay, or close to it, at least.

But today is the day. It's the day we're finally leaving for our mission—which was finally set in stone last night, but I was just so goddamn tired that I couldn't even tell Peeta. I'm excited to tell him, though, because even though it isn't the greatest news in the world, it's definitely an improvement over before. Despite that, I'll be leaving him soon, so I'll have to make our short time worthwhile. ~

I woke up around 700, probably because I was anxious. I sat and watched him for a while, two hours at least...Poor thing. I'd let him sleep as long as he had to. He needed the energy. Sometimes, I'd whisper things to him. Fears. Hopes. Confessions of feelings. Just to talk to someone to keep sane. ~

After endless hours of much needed sleep, I finally open my eyes to see a wonderful boyfriend looking back at me. "Hi." ~

"Hey sleepyhead." I smile, running my head over his hair, which was all flattened from his sleeping position. ~

"Today's the day," I say, yawning. "You excited?" ~

"A little," I sigh. "Just because the faster you leave, the faster you come back." ~

"And the best part is, drumroll please..." He doesn't quite understand, so I laugh and start tapping my hands along the edge of the bed. "The best part is that I won't be gone for an extended period of time." ~

This immediately brings a smile to my face. "Really? So you know when you'll be back?" Now, I'm already in a much better mood than I was before. ~

"Right when we're done in a District or when whatever the mission is finishes, we get sent right back here for a couple days to plan for the next attack. The thing is, whatever we do can take anywhere between a few days or a few weeks, but it's still an improvement, right?" ~

"Absolutely!" I had dreams about him being away for months at a time, years. This was fantastic. I begin laughing. "I'm so glad." ~

"No, stop being excited!" I sit up, laughing. "It gets better!" ~

"What is it?!" ~

"Guess who isn't going to District Two?" I smile, holding my arms out for a hug. ~

"Oh my god!" I nearly tackle him back to the bed with a hug. "Oh my god.." I'm just laughing now out of pure joy. ~

"Yes, Peeta!" I manage to get out through his tight hug. "They told us yesterday!" ~

Suddenly, the optimistic idea of him coming back we've both insisted on in the past week becomes that much more real. I loosen my grip on him. I always hug too tight. "Where are you going, then? Four?" ~

"Yeah! It's farther away from the Capitol, closer to here...still a major strategic District, and might be a little easier to get, you know? What, with the sexy Finnick Odair being on the rebel side? They'll be waving a white flag the second we land there." Hopefully. I can only imagine that it'll be that easy. But even then, it's way better than being in Two or the Capitol. "Maybe I'll see you in a few days." I give him a good morning kiss. ~

"That's perfect. Then we could probably be together for Valentine's Day." I smile. Our first together. "But don't you go around calling Finnick sexy." I joke. "He has a girlfriend, you know, and she's a really nice girl." ~

"Hey!" I play-slap him. "I'm just speaking on behalf of the entirety of Panem!" Maybe I will be back for Valentine's Day. I'll be planning that day out in my head while I'm gone. "She is a nice girl, so you better treat her right when we're gone." ~

"She and I are going to be baking together, don't you worry." I laugh. "I'll be good to her! I'm a perfect gentleman!" And this whole friendship is probably a lot easier for Finnick to handle because of the whole gay thing. ~

"You better be good to her...Finnick will personally kick your ass if you're not." I laugh nervously. He seems very protective of her, so if anything happens to her, physically or emotionally, someone will get hurt. But Peeta's the best person in the world and would have no reason to hurt Annie. "Uh...did I sleep through breakfast, by any chance?" ~

"I know! I wouldn't!" I look at the clock. "We've got a half an hour, if you wanna run." ~

"But...there are people there, then. I want you all to myself before we have to make our public goodbye." ~

"Yeah..." I sigh. "It's on my schedule. Should be on yours, too. Prep and all. You get to see what I've gone through the past week with Portia." I lean against him. "Prep starts at 1600, til 2000 with a 2050 airing and a 2100 departure time for you." I wondered why it was so late, but they probably wanted night cover. ~

"Prep?! For four hours! What for? Making sure I look good when the Capitol slaughters us?" I hate to say it, but the Capitol and District Thirteen aren't that different from each other. "And that runs into dinner time, too. Fuck." ~

"Story of my life, Cato!" I laugh. "Fifty percent of my days have been prep. I don't abandon you at meals, I just don't have time. I eat with Portia." ~

"I wanna leave looking just like this! Well, obviously with clothes on..." Only in a shirt and boxers here. "What are they gonna do to me? Dye my hair? Cut it? Get rid of my scars? These are BATTLE SCARS! It makes me look tough." Although, I am due for a haircut. ~

"You looked tough before, too." I elbow him playfully. "No reason to dye your hair, though. Probably will cut it, though. And I think you guys have uniforms. But that was a bit of a given. You just get used to it." I roll my eyes at him. Besides, after how good and different I looked after what Portia did, I was dying to see what my already maxed out in sexy boyfriend would look like. ~

"Nothing they do to me will ever make me sexier than I already am...that is, unless they make me an exact replica of Finnick, which I'm sure they wouldn't do." I kinda hate not being the best looking guy in Peeta's presence. After all, he originally fell for me for my looks, and that's all I have going for me. "I'm surprised you haven't left me yet!" I laugh. ~

"Hey!" I say through laughter. I put my hands on the back of his head and pull him in for a deep kiss. "I think you're much sexier than Finnick Odair." ~

"You're the only one!" I say in a joking matter...but it's me inclusive. He's really the only one. ~

"That works out, then. Let them all swoon over him. You're all mine." I say somewhat possessively. ~

"Mhm...because he's out of your league, right? The best you can get is me?" ~

"What, are you saying I couldn't if I wanted to?" I laugh a little to myself. "I'm insulted! But no, that's not it!" I shake my head. "I think you're the sexiest person I've seen in my entire life." ~

"Don't lie," I say, getting out of the bed. "Even if I am, what does it even matter?" ~

"What do you mean?" ~

"When you first told me that you loved me, you said that initially you thought I was attractive, then you got to know me...why do you think my looks are still important to me? They're what pulled you in, and now I look absolutely terrible...I'm afraid that if I don't have that anymore, what's left?" My personality is horrendous. I just need to keep Peeta interested. ~

"You do not look absolutely terrible." I insist. I'm being honest, too. "And what's left? How about a clever, funny, charming gentleman with incredible strength and willpower, and the most loving, open, willing heart of any person I've ever met. How about that?" ~

"But if you can get better than me, why? I'm stupid. I still can't tell right from left. That'll get me killed one day." And again, I raise my left and right hands respectively. "The only person I charm is myself with my ego. And open? How many things have I kept secret from you?" I pick up the pants I wore the previous night and slip them on. "Someone like you can deserve better." ~

"Because there is nothing better to get." I whisper. "You are not stupid, you charm me on a daily basis, so much it even still surprises me, and you're open in that you're accepting...the secrets you've kept have been for my own good. You were right." I smile a little, going to stand next to him. "You don't give yourself enough credit." ~

"You keep trying to tell me that I'm not a bad guy, and I know this whole thing seems stupid, but I really don't know what you see in me! I feel like I've hurt you more than I've made you happy. The negatives outweigh the positives." What are you doing to yourself? ~

I take my hand, grabbing his shoulder and turning him towards me. "Don't you dare say that. I've told you this once, twice, over and over, and I'll never stop until you get that you changed my life for the absolute better, Cato." I pause. "Even if I made it out of the Games...if I won on my own...I'd probably be dead now, anyway." ~

"I want you to find someone else to make you happy if I don't come back," I say, crying. I just need him to be happy. ~

"I would do anything for you." My heart breaks seeing him cry. "But I couldn't do that. It would be impossible. There's no one who could make me as happy as you do." ~

"Even if that's true, even someone that makes you a little bit happy...anyone to cancel out your misery. I don't want you to be miserable." ~

"I couldn't." My eyes begin to well with tears. "I couldn't." ~

"Please!" I start choking and coughing on my own tears. "Do it for me! For yourself, please...if I don't come back, just forget about me." ~

I clasp my hands quickly around his face, forcing him to look at me. "I will never forget you, Cato. Never. You are the most important person that has ever entered my life. I swear, I would never forget you. I could never. I will love you for the rest of my life. Please, please," I beg. "Don't think I ever could. I won't be miserable. I will go on. For you. With you always in my heart." I pause. "But you will come back. I know it. I just do." ~

"I...see my optimism has rubbed off on you." I pause for a moment, then I start hugging him, still crying. "I'll love you even after I die, if that's possible...I don't want to die...I've never had to think about dying before. I was foolish before the Games, I thought I was invincible, and after these past few days training...it's so hard...I don't want to die, Peeta. Please don't let me die. I know you can't control it, but...I don't want to leave you. I don't want to even imagine you after I die, whether it be tomorrow or many years from now. I don't want to die ever, because then you'll be a wreck...I'm so selfish for asking you to stay alive if I'm gone. I'm so selfish for that." ~

"No, no, you're not...Hush..." I kiss the side of his head. "You will come back to me...I swear. I know that you will... It's not selfish at all, love." I just hold him tightly. "You can't think it's selfish. I'd ask the same of you, just because I'd want you to be able to live the life that you never got to...it's really selfless. If you were selfish...you'd ask me to die as soon as you did. Because then, I'd be with you again. I won't tell you I'm not going to be a wreck-if it does happen, that is-but I'll go on. But I will never love anyone ever again. That, I could not do." ~

"But you'll be miserable..." ~

"Only for a little bit." I press my forehead to his. "But then, I'll imagine you in my head, saying something you would...like..'Suck it up, Lover Boy.', or...'Smile. For me, dear.' And I will. Because you'd want me to." ~

"Or 'Stop crying, I wasn't that perfect.'" I smile, even laughing a little bit. "You do me very well." ~

"Oh," I whisper, verging on sobs. "But you were-are, that perfect." I smile a little. "I'm your boyfriend. I know you well enough. It's my job." ~

"Maybe that voice will come back and start talking to you. You can train it to sound like me, if you try hard enough. After all, you said he's an asshole. Close enough." ~

"No, no. He's not charming like you. You're a charming bastard. He's just a bastard." I laugh. ~

"Well, so am I! I've been telling you this since forever ago! There is nothing charming about my ego!" I lift up the collar of my shirt to wipe my face. "Which, I'll try fixing...maybe when I come back, the ego would've completely disappeared. Wouldn't that be something?" ~

I smile weakly. "But I love your ego." I laugh through tears. "But you are terribly charming, I swear." ~

"Just a week ago you were complaining that my ego hasn't changed." Raising my hand up to his face, I wipe the tears away from his eyes. "Don't go all cloudy-vision on me." ~

"But I have to admit that I love your ego." I do the same for him. "As much as I may complain." ~

"Why are you perfect?" Before he even has a chance to answer, I push him back onto the bed and kiss him passionately. Because maybe, this is the last one like this we could have. What happened to that feeling of surviving? I know I had it before, where I knew I'd come back. But I don't feel that way now. Where'd it go? ~

I'm taken by surprise by his kiss, but I don't object, not even a bit. I just kiss him, and feel some sense of desperation on his end. Has he lost hope? I don't know. But I will see him again after today. I know it. I never want this to end. This kiss. This day. This relationship. This boy. ~

"Peeta..." I push myself off of him, finally relenting from the kiss. "Thanks." ~

"For what?" ~

"For giving me hope." ~

"Just returning the favor." ~

"And thanks for turning me into a fucking crybaby like you," I laugh. ~

"I'm still worse than you, if that makes you feel any better." ~

I sigh happily. "I know you are." ~

I go to squeeze him tightly, and wince a bit inwardly at the pressure that puts on my stomach. "I..I love you." ~

"I like you, too." ~

"I like like you." I say, acting like a kid in grade school, pulling him to the side of me and catching my breath. Damn, that hurts. ~

"You're my best friend," I tell him. "Even if I had a million friends...you'd still be my best friend." ~

"Being in love with your best friend," I laugh. "How complicated." ~

"It's actually pretty simple." It was the easiest decision of my life. Hesitant or not, it was the easiest and smartest decision ever. ~

"Best thing that ever happened to me." ~

"Same...never thought I'd like boys, but I guess some of the best things in life are unexpected. I love you, Peeta Bread." ~

"I love you, too." I smile, holding my arms around him. "You'd better know I do." ~

"I know you do. I don't know what I was thinking before...there's something not right with me, I think. But I'll get through it." ~

"We're all a little crazy, love." I trace my hand along his face. "Nothing wrong with that." ~

"I...love you." ~

"Trust me," I kiss him once. "I know." ~

"Start planning." ~

"For what?" ~

"The wedding, stupid." I smile. ~

A stupid grin spreads across my face. "Will do." ~

"Don't forget your white tux." ~

"Why a white tux?" ~

"Because...you're the girl, remember?" I ruffle his hair, laughing. ~

I laugh with him, giving him a pout. "I can pull off a white tux." ~

"Oh, you can pull off anything! Hell, you can pull off my clothes, if you'd like..." ~

"I see what you did there." I laugh. "I could...but that would make things I can't have just that much more tempting." ~

"You'll have it soon...maybe on my birthday." I look up to the ceiling in thought. "Which is in a month." ~

"One month. I'll count the days." I knew exactly how many days it was. I've had everything planned for a while, now. Cake, party...I just had to move it from a party of three at his house to a party of who knows how many in Thirteen, but that's just cause for a bigger cake. Which I'd never object to. ~

"I better as hell be back for that. Even if it's for a few hours." He's probably counting the days already. I know him. "I'm not missing my nineteenth birthday." ~

"Man, you're old." I laugh, joking with him. "You'd better be. After all that I've got planned." ~

"You planned for that already?!" That boy is on top of everything. "What, I get a giant party? And all I gave you was a near death experience twice and a break up, followed by a lovely dinner where I could barely see your face." Ridiculous. ~

"I've been planning for it for a long while." I laugh. "I'm a planner, in case you hadn't noticed. But you'll just have to make up for it this year. After all, I'm going to be a legal adult." ~

"Oh! Oh! I know exactly how that day will go. First, I'll teach you all about the bisickle, and then, I'll bake you a cake-not from the box! And then I'll buy you things because I'm fucking rich...well, I was, but still! And we'll do a bunch of cute stuff, and I'll fuck you senseless, and...it will be the best day of your life. And your mom is not invited." ~

"I expect absolutely nothing less." I smile. "And of course she isn't." I roll my eyes, my mind once again focusing on the cosmetically eliminated bruises all over my torso. ~

"Maybe she'll get in an 'accident' and die." It's terrible to say, but I can't help it. She still hurts him to this day, physically and mentally. ~

He doesn't even know that it's still happening, and he still hates her. "Cato..." I begin. "You can't fight my battles for me." Even if, when I fight them, I lose. ~

"It's ours, though. If someone hurts you, it's personal. Your battle is mine, too." ~

"But this has been my battle for so much longer." I just don't want him involved with her. Knowing her more. Knowing how many of the really bad things I'd hidden. ~

"And you need help with it!" ~

"Why do I? Nothing's wrong..!" I bite my lip. As far as I've told him, there's nothing more going on. I can't have him worried to leave me with her around. ~

"Everything's wrong!" I shout at him. "I know about the stairs, Peeta. No lies." ~

"I don't need help!" I cry out, not denying or admitting anything. ~

"We said no lies! I thought that went for both of us! Tell me what she did to you!" ~

"I don't want to talk about it..!" I sit up and tuck my head between my knees. "There's nothing..Nothing.." ~

"What is up with you?!" I push him back down and pry his head from his knees. "What did the bitch do!" ~

As he pushing me down, part of him pushes against my chest and I let out a strangled cry of pain. "Agh, that hurts!" I scream, my eyes tearing. ~

"Is that what you told her, too?!" I hold him down to the bed at the wrists and kneel over him to prevent escape. "And she kept hitting you, right?! What else!" ~

"Yes!" I cry. "Yes, I scream and I cry and I tell her it hurts, and she doesn't stop! She's never stopped! Is that what you want me to say?! You want the truth of it all?! That's the truth!" I'm breathing heavily. "It's always been this way! Always!" ~

"Well, why didn't you do anything to stop it?!" I grip him tighter. "And why wouldn't you tell me? I deserve to know what douchebags are hurting you!" ~

"Because I was a child, Cato! I didn't understand! Because if I ran, I'd feel so much more weak than I already did!" I shut my eyes. "I didn't want to worry you! You're going out into war, Cato! The last thing I want you thinking about is me back here and how I was doing!" ~

"But she hurt you recently...you didn't do anything to stop that! You went back against my advice! And look what she did to you..." As I get angrier, my grip on him gets tighter and tighter. "I should know when you get hurt! I'm your boyfriend!" ~

"I didn't know she was going to hit me when I went back, Cato! I didn't ask for it, I wasn't looking for it! I just want you to come back! And if I was a distraction to you, I could never forgive myself!" I feel pressure on my wrists, hard. "Please, just let me go!" ~

"NO!" He lied to protect me. That sounds familiar. ~

"Let go!" I shout. Now, this is really hurting. ~

"You lied to me, Peeta! Why should I let you go?!" ~

"Because you're hurting me!" ~

"No I'm not! I'm barely touching you!" ~

"You're going to snap my wrists!" I cry. ~

"I wouldn't do that. Stop with the tears, already!" I'm going to kill her for doing this to him. It's gotten so bad that he can't even handle me touching him. "I wouldn't hurt you!" ~

Every time he yells, his grip hardens. I'm seriously thinking that he's going to break my wrists. I bite my lip to make sure I don't let out a scream everytime it gets tighter, because then we'd be in a terrible cycle. "You may not mean to, but you are!" The tears have escaped my eyes. "Please, please let go!" I beg. ~

"Stop begging! I-" I stop myself from yelling momentarily to assess the situation. His hands have gotten pale from me cutting the circulation off and he's crying all over the place. Begging me to stop. Then, I hear a snap come from his left hand. "Oh my god..." I immediately let go and jump off of him, backing up into one of the corners of the room. "I'm just like her." ~

I know everyone can hear. Nothing is sound proof here. But I can't stop my scream as I feel the bones in my left wrist just snap. So simply. So fragile. I immediately curl up to cradle it with my other hand as I sob, but I can't even touch it without feeling the pain. I bite my tongue inside my mouth in an attempt to quiet myself, but it isn't any use. I can't make out words. All I feel is pain. ~

"I'm sorry!" Words will never express how sorry I am. I lost control and anger took over me completely, which isn't exactly new. So, I just slide down the wall behind me and sit on the floor, crying with Peeta. "Did I break it?" ~

"D-don't...say...y-you're...s..sorry.." I manage out through sobs, squinting my eyes a little to see him across the room. I can't be angry with him. I could never. Maybe because he was motivated by care for me. He was trying to protect me. And maybe I was wrong to not tell him. But all I could think about was putting one more thing on his shoulders. He didn't need that. When I hear him speak again, I go to lift my arm, but I can barely even feel my hand through the pain. I try to lift it, and it hurts like hell. I whimper as my arm lifts, but my hand stays limp. "I...I think..so.." I say quietly. ~

"No...! I'm so, so sorry...I didn't mean to, I should've listened!" I drag myself over to the side of the bed and reach up to put my hand on his shoulder, but he flinches. God, I feel so terrible now. How could I hurt him? "I...maybe I should go." ~

I don't mean to flinch when he goes to touch me, but it's just instinct at this point. From the pain. I just look at him, taking fast, deep breaths. But as soon as he mentions leaving, I shout, even though he's inches from me. "No! Don't!" This is her fault, too. I will not let her ruin my last day with him. No matter what. ~

"But I hurt you again! I was screaming at you about how you shouldn't let people hurt you, and I...I'm a monster. Oh my god." I start crying into his legs now. "Please tell me you hate me. You have to after this." ~

"Fine..! I won't let people hurt me anymore..so...please, don't hurt me again by leaving." I look down at him. "You're...you're not a monster..." You care. Oh, Cato. My poor love. I take my good hand and place on the top of his hand, the closest I can reach because of my arm length. "But...if I told you I hated you...that would be a lie. And...we said no more lies." ~

"No...how do you not? Peeta, I hurt you! You're the only thing I live for, and I just broke your fucking wrist! I hurt you like she hurt you...the very woman I hate. I'm turning into the people I hate, Peeta! There's something wrong with me!" ~

"Because you didn't mean to! There's so much of a difference between you and them, Cato...She laughs when I cry and bleed. Laughs. You weren't trying to hurt me, you weren't, I know you weren't..." I repeat. "You can't blame yourself for mistakes that you make. If I held it against myself, every little thing that I've done wrong, I'd have killed myself by now because I hated me so much. Y..you care. It's because you live for me..That you want to protect me. And when you're angry..s-sometimes, you just don't listen." ~

"I'm like him, too." Just like my father. That's how he raised me. "You can't keep forgiving me. I hurt you multiple times! And it just gets worse and worse...please, just stop telling me all this. No matter what, I hate myself for this. Go to the hospital." ~

"Stop!" I cry out. "Stop it! You're nothing like him at all! Stop saying you're anything like that bastard! I'm not going anywhere! I'll be fine! I'm spending the rest of my time with you the way it should be-happy, with you! Stop..." I whisper, tears falling down my face. "Please, just stop..." I hate that he thinks of himself that way. I hate it. ~

"Don't you get it Peeta?! I've always wanted to be like him! Always! And now I finally got my fucking wish!" I lie down on the floor so that I can drown in my own tears. Just let me die already. "You won't be fine," I whisper. "The more you stay here with me...the more I'll just hurt you. Please go get your wrist fixed up, and maybe we can try again." ~

A/N: Sad faces. D'aw. Keep reading and reviewing! I'm feeling generous with chapters today. xx


	55. Chapter 55

A/N: Here's another chapter, dedicated to the haters on tumblr. :D Starts with Peeta.

I use my right arm to push myself up in silence. I look down at him, making eye contact and making sure he knows that him talking like this hurts more than my wrist ever will. I leave the room and head over to the hospital clinic after much argument with the elevator. Stupid thing wouldn't cooperate. I get down and have my wrist wrapped up for now, after telling the doctors of my fall down the stairs. The second this week. Clumsy old me. They tell me that the bandages are all they can do until I go see Portia later today. Of course not. I feel badly for all of the other people here who get hurt and don't have the same luck I do with her. I just stare at the cast as I return back to the elevator and head back to the room. Wonderful. An hour, wasted. Just like that. But the door's locked, and my schedule is covered by the cast. Goddamnit. So I knock, waiting quietly outside. ~

I spend my time thinking about Peeta. I told him that he had to keep my anger in check. He tried, I guess. I was just too furious to even pay attention. And I hurt the one person in the world who is important to me, both physically and emotionally. And the worst part of everything is that he forgave me. I don't deserve to be forgiven for that. All he ever did was love me, and I return the favor by snapping his wrist. I hate myself because I hate the people that are like me. The two people I want dead the most in the world. And I want to kill myself. Just as I'm digging through the drawer of the nightstand for something sharp to tear my chest open with, I hear a knock on the door. Sighing, I walk over to the door and open it. "Hello-Peeta...hi." ~

"So..." I look up at him with a nervous bit of hope and slight desperation. "Can we try again, now?" ~

"Now do you believe you deserve someone better?" I say monotonously. ~

"...I still believe there is no one better." He probably thinks me a fool. But he doesn't think highly of himself, either. ~

"No one better than a guy who was about to kill himself before you knocked on the door?" No lies. I turn around and walk back into the room to stare at the wall. I was so close to ending it. ~

"But you can't leave me." I whisper, following him in. Did he really? Just over this? I take my bandaged hand and put it up on his shoulder from behind. "Cato..." ~

"I wanted to kill them because they hurt you. I hurt you. Shouldn't I die, too?" Out of the corner of my eye, I see his bandages, reminding me of all the shit I did. "You're in an abusive relationship." ~

"No, I'm not." I keep my hand on him. "The difference between you and them is that you don't mean to hurt me. You didn't. The fact that you feel so terribly about it proves you didn't, and that you're not a monster at all." I lean my forehead against his back. "I've gone through much worse, with people trying for worse. I've had people try to kill me before. On purpose." Time for everything to be out there. Everything. No lies. Even the things I never told him. Secrets only made things worse. This proves it. ~

"Whether I mean to or not, love you or not, I still hurt you more than once. I took my anger out on you. That makes it an abusive relationship...it doesn't matter if you've gone through worse. It is what it is..." I start crying again because he's so sweet and loving and I hate myself. "Maybe the time apart will be good for us." ~

"That isn't true, Cato..and you know it. If you meant to, if you were trying to hurt me...that would be abusive. You have to listen to me more...I know what I'm feeling. If I want you close, I have a reason. If I say you're hurting me...you probably are. You just have to listen." I pause. "I don't see how it could be good. Any time away from you sounds like hell to me." ~

"We need a break. I need to grow the fuck up, and you have your battles to fight. I think a break would do us some good." ~

"No it wouldn't." I whisper. A break sounds too much like broken up to me. "What are you saying?" ~

"That maybe...maybe..." I sigh, "breaking up wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." ~

I don't even care about my wrist. My heart. That is what's broken, now. "You said forever." I pause, threatening tears. "We said forever." ~

"Only for now!" I say quickly. "When I said forever, I did mean forever...it's just a break, Peeta. Please, it's best for both of us. Or me, at least." ~

I immediately pull away from him. "Forever doesn't just take breaks, Cato." I am hurt. Betrayed. Broken in more ways than one. Tears silently pour down my face as I cross the room, pacing. ~

Biting my lip, I turn around to see him crying. Not again. "No, shh! Don't...you know I still love you, right? It's just to give us space...you're attached to me so much that you'll endure me breaking every bone in your body and then you tell me that you love me and trust me! That isn't healthy, and my anger isn't healthy...it'll do us in before our time." ~

"No," I shut my eyes and shake my head. "I don't think I know if that's true anymore." How can you love someone and just want a break? Love doesn't take breaks. Never. Love is always. Always. And he didn't want always. ~

"But I always have! You have to believe me, Peeta...I love you. I love you, I love you! Goddamn it, Peeta, listen to me!" ~

"No!" I yell. "You listen!" ~

"I..." Sobbing, I collapse to the floor again. "I'll listen, I swear!" ~

I open my eyes to look at him. "My entire life, I have been beaten, screamed at, punished, abused, and nearly killed by people who were supposed to love me! I was bullied in school, but preferred that to coming home to get beaten with a hot metal iron by my own mother! My mother! And so I never, ever trusted anyone to love me! Because I was only used to being hurt! I got Reaped for the Hunger Games, and my own brother didn't volunteer. It was a death sentence! But then I came there, and I saw you, met you, got to know you...I fell in love with you. I allowed my heart to feel after so long for whatever reason! It was something about you! I felt like there was so much more to you than just some Career tribute! And then, you kissed me. And I thought, finally, I'd be able to be happy. Even if it was only for the last few days of my life, I'd get to be happy. I died in the Hunger Games, and woke up before my wake! I had to sneak out, listening to people, people I thought were friends, my mother, talking terribly about me, laughing-before my own goddamn wake. But I pushed through. Because I had to find you! You, the person I'd handed my heart to for safekeeping! And even though there were rough patches, bumps in the road-I didn't care! Not because I was too attached, or naive, or crazy, or anything like that! I'm not a generally forgiving person, Cato! But it's because you were the only person in the world I know who completely just loved me. Because as many mistakes as you made, you would never hurt me on purpose like everyone else had. And I loved you, too. I loved you! I wanted you to have every bit and piece of me! I wanted you to know everything, because you deserved to! You made mistakes, but everyone makes mistakes! Big ones and little ones, even to the people they care most for! But what people in love don't do is give up on love. Not even for a moment. And the fact that you're so willing for us to have a break? That makes me doubt everything. That's destroyed me inside. I don't give a damn about my wrist! It was an accident! Get over it! This is the real problem. Right here! I feel like you've just been waiting for an excuse for this! What if you die out there, Cato?! What if we left on that note? On a break. And that was our goodbye. Our last damn moment. I have always tried to live everyday as if I'll die tomorrow, because I've always had that possibility. That's why I forgive you. Because I never want to go to bed angry. Because I don't ever want to leave on a bad note. Because one day, I'll go to sleep and never wake up. Because I love you. But now...Now I can't tell even if you feel the same way at all." ~

"Just stop!" I crawl over to his feet and keep my head down at the floor. "I take it back! I take it back!" ~

"Get up." I whisper, voice shot. "It's...it's almost too late for that, love." My love. I loved him. I loved him completely. I would always love him. But now, my heart that was feeling all that love was so unsure of anything it had been told before, that it hurt to even think about him. Loving him. ~

Immediately, I do as he tells me and scramble to my feet, still crying. Crying so much that I can barely even see his face. "I...I thought it would be easier...but I can't anymore, I can't...I love you, Peeta. How can I show you that?! With all my heart, I...damn it, Peeta! I ruined it, I know...I ruined us, and I'll never forgive myself for that...and even if we don't work out after this, I...I'm sure that I love you. I always have been sure. And...I understand if you don't return the feelings anymore. I destroyed you. But I didn't mean to...I was just doing what I thought was best, but I had no idea...however we end up, I love you. Not loved. Currently. And future, too." I have to stop to catch my breath because the crying is overwhelming and giving me the biggest headache, but I have to continue. "You said it's almost too late...does that mean there's still a chance for me? For us? Anything. I'll take it. Anything to get you back. I need you...and you needed me. I do love you, I do. I don't want to break up! I LOVE YOU!" ~

"I don't think you get it." I begin. "I don't think you understand what I'm really upset about here, Cato. What's really wrong. You never lost me. I never stopped loving you. Never doubted my love for you. Not for a second. It's your love that you're forcing me to doubt." My entire being is shaken. "When I said that it was almost too late, I...I meant taking it back. Because the idea was there. In your head. You were okay with that. Even for a moment, you were okay with that. I would never, ever be okay with that. You can say that you take it back, but you wanted it. When I came back to Two for you, I said to myself that if you would have me, I would be yours for the rest of my life. Even afterwards. And that I'd never want to be anything else. Because I love you. There's always a chance. But I'm shaken. Everything I thought I knew has been shaken. And I don't know how I'll ever stabilize again. Last time, it took about twelve years of just...waiting." ~

"But I never doubted! When I said break...it was just a little bit of time apart so that we would be prepared for our time apart when I was gone! Just because we wouldn't be together, that doesn't mean I'd stop loving you! I love you more and more each day, if it's even possible...please, just give me a chance. Please! I've always loved you...and I always will...I understand why you doubt me, but I don't know what to do about that! I'll do anything to prove it. Anything!" I push my body forward and force a kiss onto him. "I love you! Please, just believe me, if you still have any reason to trust me...like you said, we can't leave each other like this..." I pause. "You don't know what was happening with my mind, either...I was angry, depressed-I was literally about to kill myself. I'm fucked up, and I don't know what I'm doing! The only thing I'm sure of is my love for you. I'm a thousand percent sure...and I'll do anything to prove it to you so that you can be a million percent sure." ~

I just stand there at his kiss. It hurts too much. "...Anything?" ~

Oh god. "Yes." ~

I begin choking and tripping on my words. "T..then leave. And don't come back. I..I don't want you around anymore." ~

A/N: Please review before heading onto the next chapter! I really do appreciate the chapter by chapter reviews. So does Sam/Cato. :D xx


	56. Chapter 56

A/N: This chapter starts with Cato. Sad feels, sigh. But maybe happy feels? And a reference back to Chapter 14 if you need to know where we're referencing.

"W-what?" I cover my mouth with both of my hands to keep myself from screaming. After a few seconds, I put them down and say, "You...you don't mean it." ~

"Didn't you hear me?" I whisper. "Get out." ~

"But...I can't leave you! Anything but that!" I'm terrible. Another lie. But I really can't leave him now. It's impossible. ~

I take a deep breath and step over to the door and open it. "You said anything." I'm shaking, nearly violently. "Now just fucking go, would you?" My voice is trembling and I'm going to begin sobbing any second now. ~

I put my head down and walk over to the door. I stop short to take one last look at the boy from Twelve, when I realize something. He would never make me leave, no matter what. It's not like him to do that. No matter what shit he says to me. He told me himself, just a few months ago back home. "Are you sure about that?" I take a deep breath like it's the last one I'll ever take, and I lean forward and kiss him for a long time, holding him close to me so that he can't escape. Not in a violent way this time. In a loving way that doesn't hurt him. I put my hand on the back of his head and play with his hair to remind him that I love doing that, and he loves when I do it. While kissing him, I kick the door closed with my foot. When I finally pull away, I ask again, "Are you sure?" ~

My entire body is trembling, and the moment I begin speaking, I'm already drowning in my own tears. "If I ever told you to go, I'd never mean it." I begin repeating myself, staring him right in the eyes. ~

"I know that. That's why I didn't leave. It just means you want me to kiss you and love you more." I smile, hoping to get a good reaction out of this. ~

He remembered. "Never leave me...Always love me." Always. That's what we said. It is. ~

"I will always love you. I would never forget that you told me that. I remember everything about you. Everything you said to me. It's all important, that's why. I never meant to hurt you...just make you better. It was a failed attempt, though." I laugh nervously. "But never did I stop loving you. And I'll never leave." I reach over to his broken wrist and stroke the cast. "I'm more than sorry for everything, you know...or, I hope you know. Just...we have, what, four or five hours left alone? Please, you said no more fights...I don't want any more fights, either. Please just give me that chance to be with you again and I will give you many reasons to never doubt me again." And I hug him. Not another kiss, just a hug. I'm afraid that if I kiss him again, he'll push me away. So I just hold him for a long time. ~

"I'll forgive you..." I laugh a little. "On two conditions. One, you've got to stop saying you're sorry. And two..." I look up at him. "You have to kiss me again." ~

Of course, I comply. It's another long one this time, and I break it off for just a moment so that I can throw him onto the bed. "For that first condition, I'll try." Then, I jump on top of him and continue with the kissing. ~

I missed his lips. His warmth. "No more fights." I whisper in a begging tone. "Never again." I hate fighting with him. He's the only one I really have. ~

"We'll try our best. Anything else? Oh-be careful with your arm." Back to feeling guilty. But no sorries allowed. ~

"I know, I know... Just...try to listen to me, okay? Even if you're protecting me, sometimes...I know what I'm saying. Hear me out, at least. That's all." ~

"I'll try, okay?" I cry out. "Please don't leave me...I know you should, but please don't...how can I make it up to you?" ~

"I wouldn't leave you, Cato. I just...ask that you try. That's all. No conditions... Be mine. Mine...only mine." I kiss his cheek, which is all I can reach. ~

"I wouldn't give myself to anyone else. Peeta, I don't understand your love for me...but I don't think I ever will. That's only something you would know. But I can try to understand. And...can we try again again?" ~

"I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me." ~

"Then, forever it is." I always meant forever. Even if it didn't seem apparent, I meant it. "I don't want to ever leave...time apart would have been the dumbest idea ever, now that I think about it. The first time you went away, we got into a huge fight...and when I left for the Victory Tour and came back, we've had so many fights. That was only two weeks ago." ~

"I mean, you're going to be physically gone from me anyway...the only thing keeping me sane is going to be knowing that you're still here." I grip my chest where my heart is. ~

I take his right hand and put it up to my forehead. "You're here." I put it to my chest. "And here." I let his hand go, but put mine on his shoulder. "And right here." Trying to suppress the sobs, I pull him in for another kiss. ~

I let myself cry as I kiss him, because I don't want to cry later. Not in front of everyone. "You'll be back..." I whisper, my lips still partially on his. ~

"I will. And we can start over then...clean slate? Not that I deserve it, really, but yeah." I don't think this dent in our relationship will ever go away. But it has to, if I ever want to be happy with him. ~

I nod. "Clean slate." ~

"And...and cake?" I smile warily. ~

"Without a doubt." ~

"And I still get a birthday party?" I laugh. ~

"I didn't do all that planning for you to get all down on yourself and have it canceled." I stick my tongue out at him. "Of course!" ~

"And I still get to marry you and have sexytime with you?" ~

"Oh, you'd better believe that." I smile, taking his hands in mine. ~

"And while I'm gone...you'll stand up to your mom for me?" ~

"I'll try.." I whisper. ~

"Good." ~

"I've tried before, you know." I say to him. No more secrets. ~

"Then when this is all over, I'll kill her." I really want to. ~

"That is my fight, Cato. If I can't protect myself against my own mother, what am I going to do in the real world?" ~

"You have me!" I won't hurt him again. I can protect him. "I told you, it's our fight now." ~

"But it's been mine for much longer." I look up at him. "You can't protect me forever...I'm not a girl." I smile a little. ~

"But you are-shit!" I look down at his wrist. "I promised your dad I wouldn't do anything bad to you..." ~

"Portia will fix it, love. You didn't mean to. He doesn't have to know." I hold his hand with the fingers on my left hand. ~

"But...that's lying. If you don't tell him...then I will." I lie down on the bed and pull the covers over my head. "Can we just do something happy before I leave?" ~

"You can't..." I whisper, walking over to him. "What do you want to do?" ~

"Just talk...not about this," I whimper, "I just want to get to know you. I feel like we drifted apart...just tell me everything about you." ~

"I...don't know where to start." I laugh, pulling the covers off from his head. "How about you ask me anything?" ~

"Just little things. Things I'd think are cute. Like your shoelaces, or your cats." ~

I miss my cats. "Uhm..." I think. "My favorite color is orange." I smile. ~

"Like bright orange?" I laugh, remembering that he's mentioned before that his dad left him an orange lily after the Games. ~

"No, no!" I shake my head. "Like...like sunset." ~

"Sunset? You are such a girl." I reach up and flatten the hair that was sticking out on his head. "And you know mine is red...like blood." I joke. It feels good to be joking with him again. ~

"Convenient that red was your jacket color, right?" I laugh. "Okay... Your turn." ~

"That's because I get everything I want. Like you." I grin. "Let's see...let me try to find something good from my childhood, or...well, I really like chicken. I've only ever had it in the Capitol, though. We don't get it around District Two, but I've had it twice before. It's so good!" ~

"I remember that from before the Games!" It was really good. Different from most game meats I'd had, but in a good way. "My favorite thing in the Capitol was ice cream." I'd never had it before, and it was one of the most perfect things I'd eaten. ~

"Vanilla ice cream, I bet." That's right, Peeta. I won't forget that dream. ~

My face goes red. "No!" I laugh a bit nervously. "Actually, there was this one that tasted like cake. Just like cake. They never said what it was called. But it was amazing." ~

"I think we had that too!" Everything tastes like cake to him. "Your turn, Peeta Bread." ~

"Okay, uh..." Hm. "I remember," since he brought it up. "The first dream I had about you, like that, I woke up totally freaked out. Because I had no idea I was even capable of that stuff!" I laugh. ~

"Oh...you're capable." Very capable. "When did you start having these naughty dreams?" ~

"The night before the cave." I admit, still blushing. "I woke up, freaked, but went back to bed...next thing I knew, Clove was like, six inches from me. Weirdest transition ever." ~

"So that's why you wanted to kill her so bad!" I sit up and start laughing at his embarrassment. "She ruined your dream." ~

"No!" I laugh. "That's not why!" I pause, shaking my head smiling. "But girls are kind of the biggest turn-off ever." ~

"You're the biggest turn-on ever. Speaking of which...you probably don't realize it, but I dream about you too. Every night." ~

I wasn't expecting that. "Do you really?" ~

"Some good, some bad...actually, I lot of you dying. That's what I'm afraid of the most," I admit. My dreams have been tormenting me for the past six months, and I'm sure they'll continue like that for the rest of my life. Hopefully, they'll die down a little bit, because I know Peeta's here. "But sometimes it's a sexy dream. Where uh...you dominated." I slowly pull the covers back over my face. Oh god. ~

"Don't hide from me!" I laugh at how out of character he is. "I didn't know you liked it that much." I pull the covers from him. ~

"Stop! It's so embarrassing!" Him topping is weird enough in my dreams. "I like it a lot, okay?!" ~

"How is it embarrassing?" ~

"Because naturally, you'd think I'm the top." ~

"Hey!" I pout jokingly. He's right though. "Nah, I understand. I kinda like it both ways." I admit in a whisper. ~

"Me too...I just like seeing you take control for once." It's good for him to be in control sometimes. "I think it gives you confidence." ~

"I think that makes sense." I scruff his hair. "Not a bad thing, love." I smile. "Your turn." ~

"Hmm..." What to say? I'm not allowed to apologize again, so I can't say sorry...I'll try going for an indirect approach. "I've been violent my entire life. Then again, I used to think that was a good thing." ~

"It's just what you knew..I understand that. I used to think everyone from the Career districts was shallow, reckless and stupid." I laugh. We thought they were crazy to volunteer. "Boy, you showed me." ~

"But, even without the training...before I even started, I was violent. Ever since I was born, probably." As much as I want to, I don't laugh with him. "Just...always." ~

"Then I-your wimpy boyfriend-will help you work on it. You can't fret about that for your whole life." ~

"I don't want this to happen again," I say, pointing to his wrist. "Ever." ~

"It's a team effort." I touch his face with my left hand. "Baby steps." ~

"Okay..." He loves me again. "I love you." ~

"I know it." I'm sure. "I love you, too." ~

"I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from doing that to your arm...and that to your heart." I try to wipe the dried tears away from his face, but they're just plastered on. ~

"What's done is done..." I whisper. "Nothing that's broken can't be fixed." ~

"Do you trust me?" ~

"Only you." ~

"Why?" ~

"Haven't you listened to me at all? Love is trust." ~

"I did listen. You're the best." ~

"Far from it." ~

"But..." I take his left hand carefully and kiss it. "You're the best for me." ~

"And you're perfect for me." ~

"I..." If I object, he'll just insist on it. How can I be perfect for him if I keep doing shit like this? But I know he loves me, so I just won't object. "Thanks for the second chance." ~

"It may seem foolish, but I'd give you a million chances." ~

"Luckily, you only need one." I sigh, still staring at his broken wrist. I can't forgive myself for this. "When I leave tonight, I'll make sure everything gets done just for you. Not me, anymore. Just you. My life for yours. Always." ~

"Don't work yourself up over this...think of it this way. If you think about it too much, you'll get yourself killed out there. That, I can't forgive you for." I give him a smile to show I'm joking, but I really don't want him to focus too much on this. "You need to keep your head when you're fighting. Do it for us, Cato. I would want you to do it for us." ~

"Anything for you," I say, smiling back. "And...I just want you to know something. When you said that you doubted me because I had that thought in my head, or I was giving up on love...I really wasn't giving up. I was trying to make it better...I...I just suck at thinking things through." ~

"And I'm the king of overthinking things." I put my hand on his cheek. "Match made in heaven, don't you remember?" ~

"Queen," I correct him. "And yes, a match made in heaven. A guy who takes words too seriously and a guy who can't find the right words. A guy who really sucks with words," I say for emphasis. Maybe if I thought before I opened my mouth, our conversations would turn out a little bit better. I'll work on it. ~

"King," I correct him as well. "Just happened that way, right? We can't help it." I smile. "But we can work on it for one another." ~

"Princess." I laugh. "You've been downgraded." I hope he doesn't mind the joking now. "You'd think after this long, I would've learned a little bit from you...now I'm just cheesy as hell. Thanks, Peeta." ~

I shoot him a look, which unnerves him for a moment, but then break into laughing. "I'll only be queen on one condition." ~

"I hate to ruin a potentially cute moment, but let me finish that for you." I sit up straight in bed and begin mimicking his voice. "'I'll be queen if you're my king.' Was that it?" ~

"Actually, no." ~

"...Well now I'm embarrassed." ~

"I was going to say that I'd be queen, so long as you treated me like one. Pampered treatment, food, bowing, the whole nine yards." I pause. "But I guess yours works, too." ~

"Too much effort." I sigh. "You can treat me like one, though. Go lay out my clothes." ~

"Uh, no." Wow, the way I said that sounded really gay. I guess since I didn't have to hide it anymore, it's all just kind of happening. No more suppressing. ~

"I mean, go lay out the clothes I'm wearing. On the floor." I wink at him. ~

I squint at him slightly, trying to figure out if he's being serious or not. ~

"Come on, we don't have all day here! I want to be almost naked with you until it's time for lunch." I pause, then start whining. "Pleeeeeeeeaaaaase." ~

"Whining isn't going to get you places." I shake my head a bit and laugh at him. ~

"You can top again, if you want." ~

"That doesn't matter to me, I've told you." ~

"But...I know you want it." I slowly lift the bottom of my shirt to expose some of my skin. "Make up non-sex...?" ~

I raise my eyebrows. "I never objected." I say cooly. ~

"Then...come on." I hold my arms out to him and mouth the word 'please.' ~

I mimick his arm motions, giving him a playful, sly smile. ~

"Peeeeeeetaaaaaa!" I pull the covers over my head, because I swear, I'll start throwing a tantrum. And he does not want to see that. ~

"Whining isn't going to get you anywhere," I repeat. "Especially not my pants." ~

"But...I said I want you in mine!" I start kicking my legs a little bit. "Peeta!" ~

"Well whining won't get me in your pants, either." ~

"But...come on! Peeta Bread, dear, Lover Boy...ahhhhhhhhh." Stop being stubborn and rip the fucking clothes from my body. ~

I laugh, standing from the bed and crossing my arms. "Sucking up also won't work." ~

"Perform your marriage duties, fiance." If that doesn't work, I don't know what will. ~

"Duties?" I scoff, still laughing. "If I'm judging by your words, then we're not married, so there are no marriage duties." I love messing with him, because we're both terribly stubborn. ~

No! "Then let's get married today!" ~

I roll my eyes. "Now you just want to marry me for sex." He's desperate. He's gotta break soon. ~

"Mhm." I nod my head, wondering if he can tell I'm moving it. "I'd seriously marry you today, if we had had time." ~

"Sure, I'll marry you today." I pause, testing him. "But then we can't do anything sex-related at all. Not for at least another month." ~

"Why not?" ~

"Because I suspect you want to marry me today because you want sexytimes." I laugh. "Oh, and you have to ask my dad, too. Or else it's illegal, 'cause I'm seventeen." I'd want him to ask my dad, anyway, but that's irrelevant. ~

I immediately push the covers off me. "Alright," I say, sitting up, "I'll go ask him now." ~

"Okay!" I hold my hand out for him. "I'll go with you." I smile. Oh, this is good. ~

I take his hand and lead us off the bed. "Why? To get proof I asked?" He thinks I wouldn't do it. Funny. ~

"I'll hide, even. I just want to hear. Is that so bad?" ~

"Nope. I'll even speak extra loud, to make sure you can hear me." I check out my hair in the mirror. "Fix this," I say, pointing to the horrific disappointment that is the top of my head. ~

"Why, because I'm the girl, so I obviously have more knowledge of hair?" I go over to a side table and grab the comb I stole from Portia's table the other day and comb out his hair before scruffing it up just a little, to make it look natural. "There." ~

"Thank you, girlfriend." I run to the end of the room, partially to avoid him, and partially to get a change of pants and a shirt. "Is your dad more sympathetic to grey or grey?" I ask, holding up two identical shirts. ~

I point to the one on the left. "Grey, definitely." I laugh. ~

"Alright." God, I'm so excited that I pull the other shirt off my body in a second, but I pause for a moment to say, "You could've had this," pointing to my upper body. Then, I put on the shirt he pointed to and change my pants. "Let's go. I don't need shoes, do I? Let's go." I grab the doorknob and yank the door open. "Let's go." ~

A/N: WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TWIST. Haha. 3 Reviews are LOVED. xx


	57. Chapter 57

A/N: I believe Peeta starts this crazy chapter. :D

I step out first. "It's not a problem, because I'm not with you for your body or the sex." I laugh. "After you." ~

"Ladies first." I lightly push him out into the hallway and close the door behind us. "I don't know if we're supposed to be out now, but I don't care. Take me to the room. Take me there!" I tug on his right arm to pull him along down the hallway. ~

"Fine, fine!" I laugh, heading to the elevator and punching in the room key code. M-1242. The doors open and I go in before him, still in pajamas, seeing as my dad won't see me. No one really should. I've seen that he's serious about this, and honestly, so am I. ~

I follow closely behind Peeta, laughing. "You ready?" ~

"I should be asking you that." As long as he properly explains himself, there shouldn't be much of a problem. My dad loved Cato. Even though the dad is supposed to hate the boyfriend, he just didn't. I don't know if my dad even had the capacity to hate. ~

"Absolutely." ~

"I'm...glad." I say honestly. ~

"So am I." I'll seriously ask today. And I would marry him today, too, if we had time. And if we had enough time before. But now, as long as I get an answer, I'm set. ~

I squeeze his hand until the doors open again to a floor Cato'd only seen once-me, many times. I let him go and turn myself into an alcove that I knew existed that was out of sight from the room. I used it to hide. "M-1242." I say, pointing at the door to remind him. ~

"Oh...okay." I follow his fingers over to the door that is almost directly next to me. "Okay." I walk over to the door, take a deep breath, and knock. ~

After a moment or two, a voice is heard on the other side. "Hello?" The door cracks, and Peeta's father sticks his head out, sighing a bit with a smile. "Hey, Cato." He steps out of the room. "What can I do for you?" ~

"I...I just wanted t-to ask you something," I stutter. Well shit. "If you have the time, that is." ~

"Of course, of course." He insists, furrowing his brow in concern and putting his hand on Cato's shoulder. "What? Is something wrong?" ~

"No, nothing!" I say quickly. "Actually...something's right. Very right. It's uh...it's about Peeta." ~

He raises an eyebrow. He knows this nervous face isn't normal like the boy he knew to be dating his son. "What is it, about Peeta?" He glances back to the room and checks his pocket for his key before closing it. ~

"Well, it's about me and him, really...you like that I'm with him, right?" Just making sure. ~

"Of course!" He laughs, very reminiscent of his son. "You've made my son happier than he's even been in his entire life...you brought him back to me, after I believed I'd never see him alive again." ~

That's right. I saved Peeta's life just two weeks ago. "He makes me happy, too. I really love him." ~

"That's all that a relationship needs." He says, smiling. He doesn't exactly know where this is going, though he doesn't object to it-but he knows that his son has probably told this boy about his wife, and her objections to the relationship and their son's likings. He wants to make sure that the boy knows that he doesn't feel the same way. "I support you both completely." He says, giving a look in his eyes that hints at what he's trying to get across. ~

For a second, I lose my breath because I'm really about to ask. "That's good...because um, I want to spend forever with him, and I wanted to make sure you're okay with that." ~

He nods, not realizing for a moment what Cato is saying. "Of course I am, I..." And he looks in the boy's eyes, and sees what he's trying so hard to say, and sees how difficult it is to say it-so he'll say it for him. "You...you're asking me to marry my son." ~

When he finishes it for me, all color drains from my face completely. "Please don't kill me." ~

The first thing he does when Cato looks as if he's going to pass out is take him by the shoulders. "No, no. I wouldn't. Ever. Relax...Relax." ~

"Y-you're not mad at me? I...I know it's only been six months, but I've been by his side whenever I could, and he...he feels the same way about me. I just want to make him happy. I'm in love with him, Mr. Mellark. Please say yes..." ~

"You...do realize he's seventeen years old." He makes sure. He just wants to assure that everyone's on the same page here. ~

"That's why I came and asked you, first-I mean, I would've asked you either way, but the fact that he needs permission..." Just shut up. "We're not going to do it like right this second or anything...I told him I wanted to wait a while. But I just wanted to make sure I was allowed..." ~

"Don't act so nervous," He laughs. "I told you to calm down." He pauses and just looks at Cato for a moment. "You have to know that I'm going to say yes, so stop acting like you're worried I'm going to deny you or my son the love you both deserve." ~

Did he just...oh my god. "Really? You'd let us?" ~

"Of course." He nods and gives a warm smile. "You thought I'd say no?" ~

"Well, I know you're very...um...protective of him." Which is a good thing, in Peeta's case. "So I...oh god. Thank you..." Against my better judgement, I hug him. I'm used to it. And now, this is really embarrassing. But I don't care. "Thank you so much!" So fucking much. I caught myself. ~

He hugs the boy back, smiling a bit at the fact that he's shaking. It means the world to him that someone cares this much about his son and his happiness. "No, thank you. For saving his life." He says finally, completely honestly and openly. In more ways than one, he knows. Both in the Games, during the torture...He knows that even if Peeta won, without Cato, he would have gone back to being ridiculed by people. It's hope. That's what this boy gave his son, and he owed him everything for that. ~

"I wouldn't have done otherwise...besides, he saved mine, too." I was a wreck without him. Those three months I spent without him were torture. I missed his smile (especially because of the jaw), his cheesy-ass compliments, his kisses, his everything. Without him, I was essentially dead, myself. Maybe he didn't save me physically (or so I tell myself), but mentally, a hundred times over. "I swear I'll give him everything." ~

He pulls back a bit from the hug. "I believe that you will. I still hold that offer. You can come to me for anything, whenever you need it." He knows how hard it must be for Cato to not have his mother around, though it's for the best that his father isn't. That would be like leaving Peeta alone with his mother, which he'd never, ever do. ~

"Thank you!" I turn my head to the side a little bit. "PEETA!" ~

I immediately groan. I look like a complete bum. Of course, I'm smiling like an idiot, but I still look horrible. I poke my head out to see my dad and Cato standing there, and I step out, scratching my head. "I never got changed." I laugh. "Sorry." I shoot a look jokingly at Cato for making people see me like this, but come over and take his hand in mine.

"You make each other happy." He leans against the wall. "That's all that really matters." ~

I squeeze his hand, smiling like an asshole. "I...Peeta," I turn to Peeta and look into his eyes, "I can't imagine me without you." Let's be a little more professional this time. "Will you marry me?" Just fucking say yes. ~

Oh god. Oh dear god. I immediately start crying, but do everything that relates to self control in my body so that I can make out words. I pause. Oh god. I can't even remember words, I'm breaking down so badly. What is it again? What is it? Goddamnit, he's standing there. Waiting. And you're just standing here. Sobbing like an ass. Oh, damn. There it is. Of course. "Y..yes!" ~

"Oh, for a second I thought you'd say no!" I laugh. Not really, but he did look kinda scared for a moment there. And now he's crying. "Shh, this is a happy time!" I pull him closer to me and hug him. Yes, lots of hugs today. "I love you." ~

"I...love you, too.." I say as I try to catch my breath through laughter and sobs. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And now, we can be happy. He'll come home, and we'll be happy.

I feel a hand pat me on the back-my dad. He's getting a bit teary eyed, too. But he doesn't say a thing. I know he's just happy that I am. ~

"Score!" I laugh, but really...I scored. I played the Games and won the most important, priceless prize of them all. "Perfect. Perfect! That's what you are-both of you. I'm so beyond glad I had this chance with you. I feel like I'm not even in real life anymore. I just...how does someone as amazing as you exist in a world like this? How am I even with you right now? I...I can't wait until I get back home." ~

My dad begins laughing, and I squeeze Cato more with my right arm. "I can't wait either, love. I can't wait either." This moment is perfect. The two people who've cared about me the most, all of us, together, happy...It's all I've ever wanted or needed. More than I ever expected. ~

"There's going to be cake, and and...cute stuff, and love, and partying, and bicycle riding!" I am so determined to teach him how to ride a bike. Even I was lucky enough to get that chance. I want him to have every chance to do everything he wants. "THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE!" ~

I look to my dad. "He does this a lot." I laugh, pulling back and getting on my toes to kiss him. "Relax, love." I mess with his hair. "We're all right here." ~

"No kissing in front of your father!" I tell him. "Wait...is it okay?" ~

He clears his throat a bit, looking a tad embarrassed. "I think that ship has sailed," He begins, "I did watch the Games, you know." Oh. I'd almost forgotten. I laugh nervously, a blush forming on my face. ~

"Oh, right..." Oops. "Sorry for ripping your son's clothes off in the cave." ~

I smack my forehead immediately, my blush getting worse.

"Just...Don't mention it." He laughs, brushing it off. Sometimes, I forget how lucky I am to have my dad. ~

"And uh...sorry about nearly killing him on the second day." That was a complete accident...but still. Whoops. ~

Oh, Cato. Editing. Self-editing. "I forgive you for anything and everything." He insists, wanting to get out of this situation as quickly as possible. "What's past is past." ~

Then I guess he forgives me for the broken wrist that he has yet to notice. "Good, good. And I assure you, when he and I are alone, we're a lot more...clothed and calm." ~

"Cato!" I exclaim, blushing just slightly. "He's right," I insist to my dad, "Just...Haven't we gone over thinking before we speak or do?" I laugh, wrapping my right arm around him. ~

"Just reassuring him that I didn't...violate you," I whisper. "Besides, thinking is for planners. I'm a procrastinator. Spontaneous, you know. Live in the moment." I smile. ~

"So that's what you're calling it now?" ~

"Absolutely!" I laugh. ~

I lean into him. "And I'm a planner. Match. Made. In. Heaven," I reply, smiling. My dad just gives me a small nod, and that's all I need to know. ~

"Every time you say that, I just think about that night in the Games. I was so confused when you said that. And...I said a match, like best friends." We're best friends. "I guess we were both right." ~

"It just works out that way." To be in love with your best friend. How perfect. ~

"And it always will." I kiss him again. Not for too long, because...yeah. Parent over shoulder. ~

"Thank you, dad." I smile at him.

"Anything to see you happy, Peeta." He crosses his arms and takes a deep breath. This has been a long, confusing process for him. ~

"Thank you...dad." I pause, waiting for a reaction. "Too soon?" ~

"No," He shakes his head and smiles at Cato, making eye contact. "Not too soon at all." I feel like my dad mentally adopted Cato from the moment we spoke before my to-be execution. Because he was all that he'd have left of me. And if I had cared for him, so would my father. It's just the way he was. ~

"Good. Because my own father sucks." I'm not ashamed to say it, just like that. I really don't fucking care anymore. "I hate-SHIT." ~

"What?" I look to him to see his face in some combination of anger and shock. ~

"I have to tell my mommy..." I whine. "Damn it!" ~

"We'll make sure she knows." I kiss his cheek. "Don't worry about it." ~

"But no, she isn't here! They all know you and I are in Thirteen now...what if they did something to her? Peeta, my dad would put work in front of the family at any moment. If it was her, or his job and possibly life, he definitely wouldn't choose her!" ~

"Then we have to get her here." I say definitively. ~

"She'd...she'd be gone by now." I pull away from him and put my forehead against the wall. "I didn't think to get her here before..." ~

"You can't think that for sure..." I whisper to him. "There's always a chance..." He was probably right. But I wouldn't let myself live it down if I didn't try. But that would just be another surprise for his birthday, hopefully. ~

"Peeta. It's been a week since we last talked. And you told the whole nation we're here. The Capitol is fucking pissed at us. They'd take the only thing left that matters to me, since they can't touch you now!" I sob. She has to be dead by now. Unless she ran away to who knows where. But it was unexpected, so I doubt it. "I didn't get to say goodbye." ~

I go over and hug him from behind. "Hush, love...I'm sure she's fine. She's smart..." The woman was very bright in odd ways. Part of me just didn't want Cato to cry, and the other part was actually confident his mother could be alive. "She had to have made it out, somehow. I bet she did." As soon as he was gone, I'd get people to go out and look. Even if I had to do it myself. Even if not for Cato, I owed that woman my life a million times over. ~

"Don't waste your breaths, Peeta...she can't escape him. She's tried before." Oh boy, has she tried. ~

I shut my eyes against him and lean my head against his back. Who knew when we were in the Games that we were such similar people? "I'm...I'm an optimist." That's all I can manage to say, because even though the abusive person in my home was my mother, I knew what he was feeling. And I'd seen, known, felt his father in action. ~

"He probably killed her, Peeta!" Turning around, I hug him tightly. "He cares more about the Capitol than he does me and my mom! He always has..." ~

Now, I just hold him. It's his turn. "I'm so sorry, love...So, so sorry..." I whisper. I can't even imagine the pressure he was under at home. No wonder he wanted to win the Games so badly. Maybe then, he'd be of enough notice in the Capitol that his father cared so much for that his father would pay some note to him, too. But that man didn't deserve Cato's time of day. ~

"I wanted to be just like that...bastard!" I kiss his cheek in an attempt to calm myself down. "Someone who ignores his family for eighteen years and threatens them when they try to leave! There's a reason why Peacekeepers usually aren't supposed to have families, Peeta. It's because of shit like this." ~

"He is a bastard...I know.." I hate seeing him like this. It's horrible. "But if he didn't have a family, I'd never have had you." Optimism. ~

"I...I know." And that thought scares me. That I owe my life to him because he happened to be around. "When I get the chance, he's dead. He wanted to see me be a heartless killer? I'll show him. First. Hand." ~

I kiss him to stop him from speaking anymore or saying anything he may regret saying in front of my father. "Sh..." I coo. "Things will work themselves out." ~

"Especially if I have anything to do with it. He hurt you, he hurt me, he hurt my mom...so I'll hurt him." I finally start calming down a bit. ~

He was right. That man was a terrible, horrible person. I don't understand at all how he could have contributed to the creation of the love of my life. ~

"I miss her, Peeta! I don't care if I'm a momma's boy. I'll say it a million times! I let her die!" ~

"Oh, love..." I hug him, holding his head. "I'm sorry. There's nothing you could have done." ~

"I could've asked Thirteen to get her a week ago! But I wasn't thinking...how could I forget?" I pull away from him and cover my face with my hands. "Just forget it." ~

I kiss his forehead. "Don't blame yourself." Because if she's alive, I'll get her back. ~

"But it's my fault..." ~

"It's not. And you don't even know that she's gone for sure, Cato." ~

"I suppose you're right." If she's alive, then the Capitol is torturing her. Same thing. "She's all I had before you." ~

"When you get back, we'll get her." When you get back, she'll be here. ~

"That could be too late, but...thank you, Peeta." I know he'll try. No guarantees. And I won't hold it against him if they can't save her. ~

"Nothing to thank me for..she saved my life more times than I could count. If...if it wasn't for her, I would have been long dead when you came back from the Victory Tour." ~

"Okay, and whose fault was that?" I laugh. "Mine!" Instant good mood, courtesy of Peeta. ~

"Not on purpose!" I remind him, laughing along with him. ~

"Of course not! Remember, I'd never hurt you..." I look down his wrist, "on purpose." ~

I glance over at my father who's just in some state of joy over ours, and realize he hasn't noticed my hand. No, he had to have. It's so obvious. "I know that." Then I realize why he hasn't said anything.

It's a sad thing when you show up injured and your father just assumes it was your mother. ~

"I'm sorry." I pick up his left hand and kiss it. "Never again." ~

"Stop..." I whisper. "It's not your fault." I shoot him a shut up kind of look.~

"Wait, why are you giving me that look? Oh..." Well, I'm a little slow there. "I know, but I still hate that it happened." I can't lie to his father forever. ~

"It can't be helped...but we don't have to talk about it. As long as it doesn't happen again." I give him a little smile, trying to tell him that one mistake shouldn't be the end of this trust my father had in him. ~

"It won't." I'll tell him eventually. No lies. ~

"Good." ~

Then, the door opens. Not good. Actually, it's worse than not good. Behind that door was evil in its worst incarnation: Mrs. Mellark. And who knows how long she was there for, and what she's heard?

I pull Peeta very close to me like we're each other's life support, because well...we are. "Hello-" I start.

"What is on going here?!" ~

Immediately, I grip onto Cato tightly. This couldn't be happening. "H-hi mom, I..." I can't even make words. ~

"Don't," I tell him.

"Stop touching!" She slams the door behind her. "What is he doing here?!" she says, referring to me. ~

"He came to talk to me," my dad says calmly, attempting towards some sort of peace. I still don't let go on Cato, though. I won't. Can't. ~

"I don't want that scum near you!"

"I'm not the scum here," I say. Fearless. ~

"He's not scum!" I cry out at her. ~

"You both are!"

Right now, I really want to beat the shit out of her, but then I feel Peeta's cast on my arm, so I hold back. "Come on, Peeta, let's go. See you later, Mr. Mellark. Thanks again." I immediately go to leave, pulling on his hand, but she pulls him away from me by his hair.

"You will not be seeing him anymore! I've told you this a million times!" She has? "It's not natural!" ~

I cry out in pain as I feel the pulling. It's like she's going to rip the hair out of my head, but I don't stop pulling away. I want Cato back. Not this pain. I didn't want him to ever have to see this happen. See me this totally helpless. "Let go of me!" I scream. Just because you don't understand something doesn't make it unnatural. ~

"Fine," she says, throwing him into the wall, hitting his head hard. So hard that he collapses to the floor.

"Peeta!" I run over and kneel down beside him. Out of the corner of my eye, I see his mother wipe her hands on her dress like gay is a contagious disease. Bitch. It takes everything to not hit her back, but I have to hold back for Peeta. No violence. "Peeta? Are you okay?" ~

My head is pounding and things are out of color, but I'm conscious. All I can really make out is some odd, fuzzy sepia-toned vision of Cato. "Ow..." I get out. Oh god, I'm in so much pain. But he's here. So I'll be okay. My father and she are yelling at one another, but I can't make out exactly what they're saying. ~

"Come on, let's go." I help him up, keeping him stable by holding him up completely. "Let's go." ~

Everything's spinning, and I grasp onto Cato for dear life. I blink a few times in a poor attempt to register the world around me. I partially expect another blow, or to be ripped from his arms again.~

I push him along down the hallway as fast as possible to avoid the screaming and abuse. "Can you talk at all?" ~

"I...can.." But my throat isn't cooperating, so it stops me from speaking, because my mind is just focusing on breathing. It hurts to do anything else. My sight is progressively getting foggier, and I feel like I'm hurting Cato with my grip, but it's the only way I can stay up. ~

"Don't." I can't leave him tonight. Not after seeing this. "Maybe you should sleep," I tell him. When we reach the elevator, I bring him in and prop him up against the wall. "Can you at least hear me?" ~

I can at least make that out. I hold my hand up and put my fingers together to represent "a little", before I whisper, "Slower." Goddamnit. All he's going to do is worry about me while he's gone. I know it. I'm taking deep breaths, in, and out. Oh god. ~

"Okay." I brush his hair out of his face and smile. "No words." I lean forward and kiss him. Please feel better. ~

I take breaths in between the kisses, trying to keep my head clear. "Sorry." I whimper. I'm sorry he had to see that. It's happened before. But I've just laid there until I could walk myself, and it wasn't ever quite this hard. My vision wasn't ever quite this messed up, either. She was probably fueled by seeing me with Cato. I'm just happy she didn't hurt him, or vice versa.~

"Stop saying sorry." The elevator door opens. "Come." I kiss his cheek and help him limp along the hallway. ~

I stare in the general direction of the ground and walk with him. I almost walk into the wall by our room.~

"I don't think she took that well," I say, opening the door. "Go lay down." ~

Me either, I think. Gripping onto the wall, I make my way over to the bed and laid down. My breathing is getting calmer, so I whisper, "Everything's black and white." ~

A/N: I hate Mrs. Mellark. Oh my lord. TELL ME YOUR FEELS, READERS. I hope you're enjoying the story. We're...nearing a very big thing here. So...be prepared and REVIEW.


	58. Chapter 58

A/N: This chapter starts out with Cato and it sets up for a really intense Chapter 59. Things start to fall into place, now. :)

"I shouldn't have freaked out...she never would've come out of the room." I sit on the edge of the bed and comb through his hair. "Don't go back there next time. Have your dad and brothers come here." ~

"Got it..." I sigh. My mom doesn't even know what room we live in. Thank god. I can't believe this. ~

"I don't want to worry about you getting hurt or killed while I'm gone." I laugh nervously. If I come back, I don't want to find him in a coma. "Do you feel better at all?" ~

"Breathing's easier." I pause, looking up at him. "Don't worry."~

"Can you see colors yet?" I take his hand in mine. "Are you hungry? Thirsty? Lunch is soon..." Having missed breakfast, I'm hungry myself. But I won't go without him. ~

"No." I shake my head a little. "I wanna eat, but can we stay here for a minute or two so my head stops pounding?" ~

"However long you need, Peeta Bread." Fuck his mom. We got permission from his dad. That's all I care about. I don't care if she tries everything to stop it. It's happening. And I still don't know if she heard the proposal or not. Oh well. "I'll stay as long as I can until we leave." ~

"...Thank you." I whisper, staring at the ceiling. ~

"You really hit your head hard." For a minute, I even thought he got knocked out. And that wouldn't be the first time that it's happened. "Just take deep breaths." ~

I nod. "I wish you didn't have to see that. That...that's normal for me." ~

I start crying again the second he says that's a regular occurrence. "She could've killed you if she'd gone on longer..." ~

"It's not like she hasn't tried." I whisper, keeping my eyes focused on the ceiling, waiting for colors to come back into view. ~

"I...see." I've never come across someone who has been this hated his entire life. How he even held on to life before the Games, I have no idea. And to live with the most hated, bigoted person in the world? Anyone else would've given up. Not Peeta. "Soon, she'll be out of your life forever. You know why?" ~

"Why?" I direct my eyes to him. ~

"Because you'll be living with me." ~

A smile immediately spreads across my face. "I don't think I can wait. I mean, we're already kinda living together." On our own. ~

"Kinda. But after the war, we can live above ground again." I want sunlight. It's only been a week but I'm yearning to be outside again. "Anywhere we want." ~

"I'd like that." I always wanted to see the other Districts...something few ever got. Now...to live anywhere? That sounded incredible. ~

"So would I." I can finally go back to District Two. Or we can live in Twelve, or some other obscure place like Four or Eleven. "Anywhere of your choosing." ~

"I want to go somewhere where no one will hate us for being ourselves. Where it doesn't matter, how we were involved in the war or that you won the Games. Where we can just...live, and be happy together." I smile at the prospect. "Somewhere warm, though. Because Twelve was always cold. So change would be nice." ~

"Twelve seems fine, though. It'll get all fixed up and stuff, you know. I think I'd like to see some snow. It might've snowed once or twice in Two. It's rare." There was snow in District Twelve when I was on the Victory Tour. It was really nice. I mean, Two gets snow, believe me-but in the mountains. Not for me to walk around in. "It looks like fun." ~

"It's not just Twelve...it's some of the people, and the basically year-round cold." I laugh. "I do like the snow. I just feel like cold without snow isn't so great." I scratch my head. "But we can make snowmen, and have snowball fights..." That would be nice. ~

"Like...throwing balls of snow at each other? Wouldn't that hurt?" ~

I start laughing hard, and it gets my head pounding again, but I don't care. "Yes, that's exactly what it is-but it only hurts if you hit someone right in the face!" I think for a second. "Well, maybe a snowball fight amongst a bunch of Career tributes could hurt." I laugh again quietly and look back to the ceiling. "It's fun." ~

"I don't think I'd win that, though." I laugh. "How do you even make a ball out of snow? It's like fluff." ~

"That's probably because you don't get a lot of it in Two. In Twelve, we get a lot of the heavy stuff. Packing snow, we call it. It sticks together really well-but sometimes it's too icy and the snowballs become ice balls. And that is what really hurts." ~

"Did anyone throw ice balls at you?" I can't help but think they did. How else would he know that they hurt? ~

I sigh. "Yeah. Often. But...let's..let's try and keep this conversation happy, right?" Other kids, older kids, my brothers..but I didn't want to think about all of that. ~

"Well, soon enough, they'll all want to be your friend." They have to like him now. After proving how tough he is, and potentially saving everyone from future Hunger Games...they owe him. Forever. "And if not, you and I can throw ice balls at them." I laugh. ~

"I don't want to be their friend." I shut my eyes. "As long as I have you, I won't need anyone else at all." ~

"You don't have to like them. But we can still have an ice war with them. It sounds like fun." ~

"Maybe." I smile. "But we have to be able to go somewhere else when it isn't winter. Because then Twelve is just cold and depressing. It's cold and depressing in the winter, two, but you want to see the snow. So we'll see the snow. Just don't get disappointed or anything." I laugh. ~

"I won't be disappointed!" I'm excited for the snow. It seems childish, but...seeing it on the Victory Tour made me want it more. "And do you want to go swimming? I can teach you how. I learned it a couple days ago." ~

"Where?" I look over at him. There wasn't really anywhere to go swimming in Twelve. I could float, because we had some awkward form of gym in middle school where they taught us to swim in this lake, but all I could do was just float there. ~

"Four. I think One also has a bit of water." I smile, thinking of Peeta in swim shorts. Yay. "I'll help you swim. But it isn't easy! Finnick had to show me how for like two hours." ~

"Right, they're fishing...That'd be really cool. I bet I'd suck, though." I smirk. ~

"I'll hold you afloat." I wouldn't let him drown. "Actually, I'd just hold you. All night long." ~

"...I'd like that, too." I can't wait until that first night. When all of this is over, and we can just sleep in peace. No fighting. No his father. No my mother. No war. No Hunger Games. ~

"And we can have our own house, too. A big one, where you'll always have enough food to eat. And your own clothes to wear." Although, I think he liked wearing my clothes. But I'd rather see him in typical Peeta clothes instead. "And all the cats and dragons that we want." ~

It starts picturing in my head. "It sounds perfect, Cato." I reach out for his hand. I want to be with him more than anything. "Everything about it." He's perfect. I can't even process it now. I could cry, but my head hurts too much, and I know crying won't help that at all. ~

"It is perfect. So perfect that all of our neighbors will be jealous of us. And, and, you'll be the coolest boy in Panem. All the girls and all the guys are going to want to date you, but I can be like, naaaaah, he's taken, bitch!" ~

"I wouldn't have any want for them anyway." I laugh. "Not when I have you." ~

"I know, but it's still a nice thought. Being one of the most coveted people in the entire nation, that is. Instant self-esteem boost." And with the Capitol gone, no forced prostitution. No one will have to worry anymore. "You'll always have me. But you'll be more loved than ever before, when this is over. You deserve this." ~

"Don't forget about you," I remind him. "You deserve it, too." I flex my fingers in a grabby motion because he hasn't taken my hand yet and make a whining whimper type noise. "Mine." ~

"Oh, now you beg for me and expect me to satisfy you and your obsession with hand-holding?" I push his hand away, laughing. "I asked for permission to marry you, Peeta. You have to outdo that if you want my hand." ~

"Why? I just wanna hold your haaaaand." I pout. "Besides, my head hurts. I can't think now." I shut my eyes again and open them. Still no colors. "I'll do something fantastic when you get back." ~

"Don't go out of your way to do something for me. You always do." I give in and take his hand, rolling my eyes. That boy. "It's my turn." ~

"Well, I already had an idea." His mom. "So you've got to at least let me do that. Take it as a birthday present." I smile when he takes my hand. ~

"Oh, fine! Fine. But that's it! Nothing else." I'm afraid to know what it is. ~

"Nothing else!" I laugh. "I just thought of it, and I have to. I would even if you'd told me not to." ~

"Disrespecting my authority, Lover Boy?" ~

"Maybe a little?" ~

"Rebel Peeta has returned." Every Peeta is good. Every version of him. ~

"No, no." I smile. "Plain old lover boy Peeta just wants to make you happy. And he knows that you don't know how happy his idea'll make you, so he'll do it even if you object." ~

What the fuck could it be? "BABIES?" ~

I go beet red. "No! I'm a boy!" I squeeze his hand. "Jeez Cato, we just got officially engaged, and you're already talking about babies." ~

"Well...I know that, hence your dad saying 'You're asking me to marry my son.' I know you're a boy." I'm reminded of that every night. Those boxer shorts...damn. "We can take someone else's. I don't know." ~

"We're not going to steal a baby, Cato." ~

"No! I mean like, let's start a little older than that...how about a four year old?" ~

"We're not stealing a child either!" ~

"But...no Peeta Jr.?" I whine. ~

"We can't steal someone else's kid." ~

"What if they gave it to us? We can request a little blonde one." ~

I sigh. "You're crazy. That's adoption, first of all. And I don't think they let you look around and just pick." ~

"But...but our kid would be the most badass Career-Twelvie hybrid to ever exist. That ever will exist. Don't take this moment away from me!" ~

"It's kinda genetically impossible, love." ~

"Adoption, though..." I was looking forward to seeing a mini Peeta running around the house. But he just went and crushed that dream. "Forget it." ~

"Why?" ~

"I don't want to think about the things we can't have. Forget I even said anything." I sigh. "So, about the house...I was thinking we have this gigantic bed all to ourselves. Well, obviously, but yeah..." ~

"Don't go changing the topic on me when neither of us is done with the conversation, love.." I want to sit up, but it will only just aggravate the pounding. ~

"I just wanted a chance to prove to everyone and myself that I would make a better father than the asshole who raised me, okay?" ~

"And..." I begin carefully. "I never said I would deny you that chance." ~

"So you'd really...?" ~

I don't directly answer him. "I've always wanted kids and a family." I say, looking at the ceiling. "Since I was little. And when I started having feelings for guys, I was upset with myself for having conflicting wants..." I sigh. "So I looked into it. There are ways. Lots of them." ~

"Lots?" I ask him. "What do you mean?" ~

"I mean, the obvious stuff, like different ways of adoption...but there are ways that it would be our kid. At least, I mean, of one us, genetically." ~

"Only...one?" I don't think I'd want one if it wasn't both of ours or neither of ours. Just one? "How, though? Sex?" ~

"No." I laugh quietly. "I mean, not really." I pause. I'm always awkward talking about these kinds of things. "It's like, you get someone else to carry it for you-because obviously, neither of us is capable. But, like..." Okay, really awkward. "I mean, you get what I'm saying?" No, probably not because you're talking in circles. ~

"I...don't really understand what you're getting at." You're talking in circles, Peeta. ~

"Like..." I pause. "Okay, it's easier for me to explain for someone on the total other side of the situation. Say, there's two girls. And they're in love. All that sorta thing. And they want a kid. So they'd get a donor-usually anonymous, but not always-and one of the two of them'd get it medically put into them," It's so awkward for me to just use the word, so it's constant "it"'s. "and then they'd have a baby that was theirs." I make a weird face. "So it's like the opposite, except nothing's obviously anonymous, and.. I'm so awkward, I'm sorry." ~

"Oh...that's kinda weird." I laugh. "Forget I asked...I'll think about it." ~

"I mean, you get what I'm saying, right?" I sigh. "I really did always want kids. I wasn't just some fifteen year-old looking this stuff up in a library for fun. I wasn't that lonely." ~

"No, I get it now." It seems plausible...though it's still way too early to be thinking about marriage, let alone kids. I was kidding, at first, but it's true...I do want them. Okay. "I understand. We can think about that later, though." ~

"Well, yeah, I mean," So awkward. "You just asked, so I...yeah." ~

"Don't blame me!" I play-slap his cheek, laughing. "Don't worry. We're on the same page here." ~

I shut my eyes and smile. "Good. Because I'm awkward. And I probably would've never brought it up." I laugh. ~

"You don't need to be afraid to tell me these things, no matter how awkward. You can tell me anything and everything that's on your mind." ~

"I'll keep that in mind." I pause. "Everything's still black and white. I miss your eyes." I look over at him, waiting to see the aqua spheres but only getting a limp shade of grey. ~

"Has that happened before?" ~

"Yeah...That's why I'm not really freaking out." I shrug my shoulders a little. "I mean, when I was little, I couldn't see a thing for a week. So, on the bright side, it could've been worse." ~

"Oh..." Frowning, I lie down next to him so that we're face-to-face. "I just don't understand...you were so little. How could she have figured out you were gay? There had to have been something else." ~

"I don't know.." I look at him. "I mean, she always favored my brothers. I didn't even know I was gay. So I didn't understand, either. I still don't, really." ~

"One day, it'll be okay. You'll never lose sight again, or be pushed into a wall, or be thrown down the stairs...or be emotionally abused ever again." ~

"Or get smacked with an iron, or forced to touch the preheated oven's racks, or have my head dunked into a filled sink until I passed out because I couldn't breathe, or locked out of the house in the snow, or pelted with ice and coal...ever again." I realize I've started crying, bringing up all of these things. But those aren't the worst of it, even. ~

"Please stop...don't talk about it if you're going to cry." I take the corner of the bedsheet and dry his face. "I know I said you can tell me everything that's on your mind, but...I know that she does terrible things to you. You don't need to tell me. I've seen it in action." ~

"I'm sorry." I look away. "I just...No one's ever known. And it was hard not to scream to people that the reason you're limping through the halls in second grade isn't because you're a clumsy idiot who trips down the stairs all the time." I mutter. ~

"How could you go through this all? Being all optimistic?" ~

"What do you mean?" ~

"Your entire life, you've been abused beyond belief...it's just, wouldn't most people want to just die already?" I shrug. "I guess I wouldn't really know, since that doesn't really happen around District Two." ~

"I did." I shut my eyes. "Maybe that's why I wasn't so afraid during the Games. I really did want you to win, because I really didn't want to go home." ~

"You didn't try to...end it, did you?" ~

"Back in Twelve, you mean?" ~

"Yeah, before the Games." ~

I take a deep breath. "Only once." ~

A/N: Only once. Get ready for the story. Some really crazy shit going on next chapter. /3 Review!


	59. Chapter 59

A/N: Lots of sobs and feels involved with this chapter. I warned you. I cried writing it. Sam cried, too. It starts with Cato. Oh goodness.

My heart drops immediately. The worst thing is, I had suspected it. But I really wished I was wrong. "W-when?" ~

"My sixteenth birthday." ~

"That was only a year ago..." Oh god. It was that recent. If I hadn't come along...if he was never in the Hunger Games, what would've happened? "A-and...?" ~

"And..what? What...pushed me, you're asking?" ~

"Yeah, I mean...and what did you do-try to do? And...everything." ~

"Well..." I swallow with much difficulty. "Like I said, it was my sixteenth birthday. It was normal, really. But I was excited. I always liked my birthday. I liked being older. Getting more responsibility at the bakery..it meant more time with my dad and less downtime that had to be spent elsewhere, usually doing nothing on my own. Wandering the District. That sort of thing. So, I was in a generally good mood." I could remember the day like it was yesterday. "I went into school in the morning, got the usual elbows in the halls, a few funny looks..nothing out of the usual. When I got into the classroom early-like usual-I sat down at my desk, and that's when things started to get bad. All of my books were gone from inside the desk, notebooks, pencils...Just a bunch of folded papers. A ton. So I pulled one out to see what it was, and brought in every ounce of control I had not to start crying there. Because people would be in, soon enough. Every single paper was a letter." I take another breath to hold back tears, and continue on. "Of course, not all of them were directly written to me. There were a few 'Dear Peeta''s, but most of them were along the lines of 'Dear Faggot', 'Dear Homo,'...Things like that." I break eye contact with him. "All in different handwriting. Forty-eight letters, forty-eight people telling me how they're upset I made it another year. Asking why I didn't off myself yet. Wondering how I stand it all. I read all of them. They signed their names, too. They weren't ashamed. And I went through the day thinking about the things they wrote and asked, 'why', 'how'...and realized I couldn't really give them an answer." I stop for a second. "On the way home, I went to the Justice Building to pick up the tesserae. It was the first of the month, after all. I carried the bag and bucket back home, dropping in the main storeroom in the bakery. I hadn't taken two steps out when my mother started screaming at me asking where my father was. I didn't know. I thought he'd been here. But I hadn't seen him since the day before. I scrambled up to my room by myself in the quiet. Not a single person I'd seen that day had said 'Happy birthday'. Because they didn't care. They'd made it quite obvious. I opened my bag and took out all the letters. I'd shoved them in before I left for the day. And I read them again. Over and over. People who claimed to be my friends at one point or another. Others who I'd probably never said a word to. Asking why I was still living. And I sat there for hours. Trying to come up with an answer. I had nothing. I read through the names, trying to figure out, in the class of fifty, the one person who didn't write a letter. The one person who didn't completely hate me. Eventually, I figured out that it was Katniss. I'd helped her once, years before. And she was the only person who didn't wish me dead. A girl who I had interacted with once. Then I realized she came into school from the Seam. They got there later than everyone else. But she was the only one in our class. So if she'd written a letter, it wouldn't have been there. So then, I had no one. Every one of them...:and I realized they were right. I had nothing. No one. So...I went downstairs into the bakery as it'd gotten late. Maybe...eleven at night. My dad still wasn't home. I took one of the big carving knives, went up to my room..." I shut my eyes. "And I started slitting my wrists open. It hurt horribly...but I felt my life draining from me with the blood. And that's what I wanted. Things got foggy, I grew numb...but I just wouldn't die. So I cut more. More. I couldn't even kill myself correctly. That's how useless I was. I made the cuts deeper and deeper and just sobbed as I laid there, finally, thankfully dying." I take a deep breath and open my eyes. "Then my dad came in...he'd gone to a market to shop and was out late. Made me a cake for us two to share. And walked in on me, barely conscious in a pool of my own blood, blankets, and sheets of paper." ~

I started crying buckets of tears through his story. Because it really happened. To my Peeta. The one least hatable person in the entire world. On his birthday, no less. Not a single fucking happy birthday until his father came home to find him bleeding to death in a pile of hate letters. Forty-eight fucking people. Forty-eight people wrote to Peeta on his birthday telling him how much he needs to kill himself. Even if it wasn't his birthday, that would be the worst thing I've ever heard. When I'm finally able to control myself a little bit more, I ask him, "Th-then what happened?" ~

"I can barely remember. I just remember seeing him in the door with a cake, then he was suddenly sobbing and freaking out...ran up to me, trying to shake me into some state of understanding. But as far as I knew, I was done. The last thing I saw was his face right by mine, screaming something which I eventually read his lips to be my name. Over and over. And everything just went black. I woke up a while later, still in my room, in the same state I'd left it. Only the knife was on a high dresser, and the thin blanket I had was partially on the ground, partially in bloody strips in the trash...and that's when I'd realize he'd torn it to wrap around my arms to stop the bleeding. A moment later, I realized I was still alive. And I was angry. So angry. Because the thought of death had been so happy for me. But then I saw him, sitting there, looking exhausted, just watching me in my bed, holding his head in his hands. Waiting for me to wake up. Praying I'd wake up." The entire saga is flashing through my mind. "And I realized I couldn't leave him alone. So I'd live for my dad. The life he saved." ~

"Peeta!" I push myself closer to him and give him hundreds of kisses. "Thank god he did! You...you let yourself think so low...but you stayed for him...I think he gave you hope." That's why he decided to trust me. Why he gave himself a chance in the arena. It's because he had hope that there would be at least one more person who wouldn't hate him. He's incredibly lucky for his dad. And his dad is lucky for him. "I can't...Peeta, I can't believe that hap...please, never again." ~

"Maybe...I didn't think so at first, though. I hated him for saving me. I...I don't have any reason to, now. I guess...everything I've said makes a lot more sense now." I didn't ask him in the arena to kill me with nightlock because it was painless. It was because it was foolproof. "I didn't want to tell you how I felt at first because I finally had someone. A friend, acquaintance... Someone. And I thought you'd take it badly. So I asked..I asked you to kill me so I could die having someone, instead of being completely alone." I shut my eyes tightly. "The cuts were so deep, I had really dark scars. They were able to cover them for the appearances, but...If you look closely at clips from the arena, you can see them, bright as day." ~

"I didn't even notice them..." I don't even want to see them now. Or ever. "Just...thank god that was the only time. I-" No...that wasn't the only time. He told me that after our fight in District Two, on his seventeenth birthday, he was going to turn himself in at the Justice Building because I hated him. And now I think that's why he cried at my letter to him. Not because it was cute, or meaningful-I think it reminded him of the previous year. But my letter was nice and loving. But he was still going to go to the Peacekeepers. To my father, unknowingly. And...someone he thought was his friend told him he hated him. It's just a total repeat of the year before. "I told you happy birthday." ~

I nod a bit. I know what he's talking about. "That's...part of why I ran. Because I was done. I'd...At the point you found me, I'd resolved to die. I accepted it. I was ready. And...just like my dad, you just..showed up." I look back into his eyes. "...And you saved my life, too. Just like he did. Only...a year later." The only two people who really, truly care about me. "Kinda...ironic. Don't you think?" I whisper. I knew I was a little sick in the head for being like this. Occasionally suicidal. But you can't help it, when you're like me. When everyone tells you to kill yourself...and when, after an entire life of no one, you get one person...and then he hates you. And you're left just how you started. With no one. ~

"It's not irony...it was just meant to be." I kiss his forehead. He knows it's true. "Do you feel better at all, getting that out?" Because now I know. I understand part of what he felt both times. Being worthless. ~

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier." It's something pretty hard to bring up. ~

"No, no...I understand why you wouldn't want to tell me." I think it's time. "There's something...I haven't told you yet." ~

"Okay...shoot." ~

I take a deep breath before starting because I know this is going to be a long story. "Well, it was maybe late October, I think...a couple of weeks before your birthday. The entire time, I was thinking about you. And I mean the time after the Hunger Games. But as your birthday came closer, I started thinking more and more about you. The only person in a long time who bothered getting past my looks and resourcefulness. The only one who really ever mattered to me besides family. And I fell in love with you, and you with me, and it was then that I wanted to be with you. No one else appealed to me the way you did. You were so brave to come out to me in front of the whole country like that. That's what made me want you. You were able to match up to me in that. And how we grew up in completely different places, but we could still relate to each other, that we fit like puzzle pieces. It was just so unlike me to throw myself out there, you know? Some stupid, masculine, strong, cocky bastard giving himself to some seemingly pathetic little boy from District Twelve. I fell in love with a boy. I only knew I liked girls at that point. You changed that for me...and I appreciate that. Because I got to know you, and we fell for each other completely, and you wanted to give yourself up for me, and I wanted to give myself up for you...that's love." I bite my bottom lip and swallow. "And when you left, I thought, what's the point of anything anymore? Because I knew there was only one Peeta, so there was only one person like him, and he was gone forever...you were the only one that made me feel right. Sometimes, I would talk to you. And you'd talk back. 'Hi, Peeta, I missed you last night.' 'It's alright, love. I'm here now. I won't leave.' One day it went on for hours. I just had a one-way conversation between you and me. And I did that the morning you cooked me breakfast. That's what you were hearing me talk about. All because I wanted to trick myself into thinking you were there. But I couldn't see you." Sometimes, I would see him. And it scared me. "And just...what purpose would I have then if I only lived for you? It was meaningless before the Games besides the fact that I was trying to win the Games. I won, but then what? I lost the most important game I was playing. I lost you, and I just couldn't go on pretending anymore...it was just so unlike me to have the thought even cross my mind, but I was so distraught. The weeks leading up to your birthday were when I decided. I planned it for weeks, and wasn't intending on doing it for sure until I had another night terror about you, the night before or the morning of your seventeenth birthday. The day you came back. I was killing you...and you were crying, begging me not to kill you. 'Cato, love...you're killing me on my birthday? I thought you loved me...' I couldn't take having any more of that. It was mental torture and I just couldn't." I hide my face behind my hands because I know I'll start sobbing again. "I was planning to do myself in on your birthday, some time in the night so no one would suspect anything. I just wanted to be with you so bad, and I was going insane...I just wanted Peeta back. No one understood me. Not even the other Victors. They didn't fall in love in the arena like I did. So I had no one. I was really going to attempt it, but I don't know if I exactly would've gone through with it or not because of my mom, and I'm not sure if I'd be able to actually go through with it or not myself, but it was on my mind. So the morning of your birthday, I went out to look for someplace to get rid of myself, but then your package came. And I really wanted to get back to you...and then you showed up..." ~

Maybe it was because he is the strong one. He's Cato. Strong, powerful, confident Cato. Winner of the Hunger Games, Career Tribute Cato. It shook me that he would even consider throwing his life away because of me; a pathetic, poor baker boy from District Twelve. It shook me. "I...I told you I would never leave you." I kiss his forehead. "I almost took a night to rest before I came...but I was too excited. Maybe I knew." ~

"You're lucky, then," I cry, "because when I saw you, I realized you wouldn't want me to. Whether the Capitol was trying to mess with me or not, I knew you'd want me to live. But I just didn't want to be tied to this Earth without you in it. Like I said, without you there is no life to live." ~

"You're right...I wouldn't want you to. I remember going everywhere trying to figure out if you'd won or just gotten rid of yourself in the arena. I didn't know. I'd...been so afraid. That I was going to read something and find out you'd died." ~

"I'm sorry...I just missed you." ~

"But I came back for you, didn't I?" ~

"Yeah...like I said, you were lucky." I pull the blanket completely over my head. I can't believe I told him. "We're both lucky. Perfect timing." ~

"Perfect." I pull the blanket off of him. "I'm...I'm glad you didn't." ~

A/N: But it ends on a fairly positive note, doesn't it? :) All of this becomes very important in the story. I really consider this the start start of the story. Because everything really builds off of their pasts, and now you know. Review with feels! Did you cry? Had you expected it? We'll see! xx


	60. Chapter 60

A/N: Here's a really fluffy chapter that starts with Peeta after all of those sad feels.

"Perfect." I pull the blanket off of him. "I'm...I'm glad you didn't." ~

"I'm glad you didn't." Heavily sighing, I sit up in the bed. "Are you good for lunch now?" ~

"Yeah..." I groan. "I'm hungry." ~

"Okay...can you make it down alone? I'll meet you down there." ~

"Why can't you go with me?" ~

"There's something I have to do before I leave." Something good. ~

"Oh...okay. I think I can manage." I go to stand, holding onto the bed. "Okay, registering the world around me." I sigh. "I'll see if Finnick and Annie are going down now. Just...to be safe, you know?" I just really didn't want to go alone. ~

I stand up to help him over to the door. "Just be careful. I'll be down as soon as possible." ~

"Alright love..." I kiss his cheek. "Hurry." ~

"I will! So go!" I laugh, lightly pushing him out the door. "See you soon." ~

"Yeah, yeah." I stick my tongue out and go to knock on the door one over from us. ~

As soon as he leaves, I shut door and lock it so that he can't find out what I'm doing. Then I run over to the nightstand and take out the pad of lined paper, a pencil, and start writing:

'Dear Peeta,

I'm glad we met.

Love, Cato'

Then I flip the page to a newer one and write:

'Dear Lover Boy,

Your face is the best fucking thing I've ever seen. Keep it that way.

Love, Cato'

Another one.

'Dear Peeta Bread,

Thank you for existing.

Love, your boyfriend'

And forty-five others like them. ~

"Finnick? Annie?" I call in. "Are you guys going to eat?" No answer. I knock again, and hear a call from the other side.

"Finn's already down, Peeta! I'll be right out with you!"

"Gotcha!" I wait for a few minutes and then, the door opens and Annie comes out. "How ya doing?"

She sighs. "I wish they didn't have to go. But it could be worse."

"They could be going to the Capitol." I remind her. "But they're going to Four, where people love Finnick."

"You always do know what to say." ~

And the last one, after a half an hour:

'Dear Peeta,

I can't wait to spend forever with you.

Love, your fiance'

I numbered them all and everything. ~

We get into the elevator and make our way down. "Can I tell you something? Well, and ask you."

I look at her oddly. "Sure, go ahead."

"Finnick and I are getting married. Would you make the cake?" ~

I fold all of papers neatly and put them all in the bottom drawer. Of course, after drawing another picture of our wedding. A little better this time. ~

I immediately hug her with a big smile. "Of course! Congratulations!" She's smiling, too. I'm just glad she's happy. "When?"

"As soon as they get back here. We've been talking about it for a long time, but...just keep it on the low, okay?"

"Absolutely." I love weddings. And wedding cakes. ~

He isn't allowed to read this until after I'm gone. Then he can remember me while I'm out fighting. It'll be like I'm there.

And right on cue, my stomach rumbles. So I go down to the dining room to eat and talk to Peeta since it might be the last time we talk privately for a while. ~

We make our way into the dining room, her telling me all about the plans and what she liked and didn't. She goes to sit by Finnick and I wave to take a table for two. ~

When I get to the large room, I scout the room for Peeta, eventually finding him at a small table next to our usual large one, but his back is to me. So I sneak up behind him and cover his eyes with my hands. "Guess who," I say in a slightly higher pitch than normal. ~

I don't recognize the voice, but the only slightly feminine person who was here was Annie. "More about the wedding?" I laugh. ~

"Not until we get back, kid." I laugh. He must be really excited. ~

"Wait, Cato?" I say confusedly. ~

"Who?" I smile, still covering his eyes. ~

I go to turn. "I know it's you!" I laugh. ~

"You don't sound so sure." I turn with him so he still can't look. ~

"I'll kiss you. That's how sure I am." ~

"Ewwwwwwww." ~

"You're a terrible liar." I smile, putting my hands on the hands. "Besides. I know these hands anywhere." ~

"That's because these hands have been everywhere." I remove my hands and run to the other end of the table to sit down. "Who else would be talking more about the wedding?" ~

"No one!" I remember I promised to keep the secret for Annie. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but i'd have to ask her before I told Cato. I sit down, too. "No one." ~

"Okay then." I reach across the table to take his hands. "I see you made it down safe." ~

"Yeah, I came down with Annie." I take his hands. "She went off to find Finnick."~

"Cute." I smile. "Do you think we should tell them about us?" ~

"Eventually." I glance around and lower my voice. "But we probably shouldn't steal their thunder." I put my finger to my lips to tell him to keep quiet about it. ~

"We can't share?" I pout. ~

"No, no...see... Annie told me they're getting married the day you guys get back. But you can't tell anyone. It's a secret." ~

"Really?!" I love them together. Their relationship is probably my favorite thing in the world, besides Peeta. They're perfect. "Can we have a dual wedding?!" ~

"Apparently they've been engaged for a few years now... They're doing it with all of Four's customs, and Annie asked me to make their cake." I smile. "They were just waiting for peace." ~

"Well she made the right choice by asking you!" Looks like he'll be busy with two cakes while we're apart. "This is exciting." ~

"But you can't tell anyone you know, okay?" ~

"I won't! I don't spill secrets...unlike you." ~

"Like what?!" ~

Really? "You just told me about their wedding...and you said it's a secret." ~

"But I tell you everything." ~

"Promising not to tell anyone, but then going to tell your boyfriend because he's not just anyone?" I laugh. "You're such a fucking girl." ~

"Shut up!" I laugh. ~

"No way, girlfriend." ~

"You're a jerk." I sigh, smiling. ~

"I'm the best." I squeeze his right hand-my left, or...the non-casted hand. "Speaking of being the best boyfriend ever, I made you a present." ~

"What? Why?" I smile. "You're wonderful." ~

"It's a going away present...even though I'm the one going away. But you can't look at it until I'm long gone and you're missing me too much. It's in the bottom drawer of the nightstand." ~

I raise an eyebrow at his comment. "...Okay. I'm so curious! Can I have a hint? Please?" ~

"It's...no! Begging will get you nowhere!" I tease. ~

"But...I asked nicely." ~

"Multiple things that came straight from my heart. Good enough?" Thinking back to it...I smile remembering all the different ways I addressed the letters to him. Every single name I gave him. Dear:

Peeta. Lover Boy. Peeta Bread. The Littlest Mellark. Boyfriend. Girlfriend. Cutie. Hottie. Sexy. Boy from Twelve. Puppy. Rebel. Boy With Three Hair Colors. Blondie. My Other Half. My Better Half. My Favorite Tribute. Shortie. Dear (Dear Dear; Love, Love-I know). Crybaby. Red Face. Lover. Sweetie. Puzzle Piece. Baker. Cute Baker. Hot Baker. Sexy Baker. Muffin. Cupcake. Clumsy. Friend. Best Friend. Almost-Fuck Buddy. Kissie Face. Life Partner. Cat Hoarder. My Favorite Way of Keeping Warm at Night. Love (Dear Love; Love, Dear-I couldn't pass that up either). Perfect. True Love. Only True Love. Forever Friend. Forever Lover. My Heart. My Soul. My Mind.

And finally, back to the original one. Just plain: Peeta. ~

I groan. "Fine, fine. I can't wait to see." I sigh. "But I still don't want you to leave." ~

"I don't have a choice, though!" I don't want to leave him either. "But I'll be back when you're least expecting it. Don't worry. I'll surprise you." ~

"Fair enough. Even though I may hear the screaming next door." I laugh. As quiet as Annie is, I've discovered she gets very loud when emotional or excited. Then gets all nervous and quiet again. "I'll have the Annie Cresta early warning system." ~

"Then I'll just have to make sure I don't come back with Finnick, right? As to not ruin the surprise!" But I doubt I can make it work out like that. ~

"As long as you come first. Because I don't know if I could handle sitting around, knowing you'll be there soon but not knowing when." I smile. ~

"We'll see what we can do." I let go of one of his hands and pinch his cheek. Adorable, this one is. "Are we gonna eat, or...?" ~

"I was waiting for you!" ~

"Well then let's go! I need food, woman!" I stand up and pull him out of his chair. "Do you need me to guide you? Can you see?" ~

"In greyscale, yes." I sigh, completely ignoring his woman comment with a mere roll of the eyes. "I'll be fine." ~

"Oh," I start leading him towards the food, "well hopefully it'll fix itself soon." ~

"Me too." We make our way over to the line of people getting food and grab trays and plates. "I think this is the first time we've ever relaxingly eaten together." ~

"The first and last time. For a while, I mean." And I know he doesn't just mean the first time we've relaxingly eaten together in Thirteen. There was always the constant fear of dying in the Hunger Games, or him getting discovered at my house. This is the first time ever. So I'll try not to ruin it by thinking about departure. "It's so relaxing that I don't even feel like eating." I laugh. ~

"And yet...I'm so hungry that I have to." I laugh. ~

"Because we might not get dinner, right? I'm gonna want some dinner..." ~

"They'll probably feed you in whatever vessel they're taking you away from me in..." ~

"Hovercraft, Peeta." I guess they'll feed me there...which means this really is my last meal with him for a while. "And don't say it like that! I won't let anyone take me from you." ~

"They kinda are. At least for a little bit." It's the longest I'll be without him since the torture. I don't want to tell him that, because we both know that I've had nightmares, and the only thing that's been able to calm me down is sleeping in his arms. But I'll have to work with the idea that he'll be back. Or at least try. ~

"I'll always be with you, though." He'll know that once he reads all of my letters. ~

"I know...doesn't mean I won't miss you like crazy." ~

"I'll miss you, too. But you gotta let go, alright? I know we need each other, but...then you'll just be even more excited when I come back." ~

"I'll never let go of you. Even if I have to physically, you'll always be the only thing in my heart." I look down at my tray. ~

"And you in mine." I lift his chin up to face me again. "Stop talking like I'm going to die, Peeta." ~

"I just...I'm sorry." Maybe I'm acting like this because, deep down, I'm afraid that something could happen to him. And I don't want anything left unsaid. ~

"There's no time for sorries, Peeta." I sigh. "I'll be fine. I can feel it deep inside of me." ~

"I know. I'm...just a worrier. You know me." I look up at him and smile. ~

"Don't worry about me...worry about yourself. Don't go insane while I'm gone." I laugh. "I love you too much to come home to you to see you hysterical and talking to yourself." ~

"I'll be far too busy for that." I laugh. "I'll have people to talk to...I won't go crazy. I swear. I just...the bed'll be way too cold and empty at night." ~

"I understand...just take a bunch of pillows and blankets and put them on my side of the bed. Then it won't be empty anymore! And blankets are always warm." ~

"Not the same kind of warm..." I sigh longingly, realizing I already had my last night with him. "The way you hold me, I feel like nothing can go wrong, your smell, hearing your heartbeat..." All things I loved about just being close to him. ~

"You listen to my heartbeat while I'm asleep?" He must do it to make sure I'm really here with him. And it's not some dream. ~

"...Yeah?" I answer, not completely knowing if he thinks that's odd or if he was just making sure he heard me correctly. ~

"That's...that's just really cute." It really is and I love it. "I don't know how you manage being this adorable all day, every day." ~

"It's not like I try." I whine. ~

"I know you don't. It's just...I like that you do that." ~

"Do what?" ~

"Listen to my heart when I'm asleep!" Dork. ~

"Oh. Well...it's just kind of where my head rests on your chest." Yes. Because I'm short. ~

"I see..." Because he's short. "But you like to listen...right?" ~

"I do...Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, it reminds me that...that everything's okay. And that you're right there with me. Real. Mine." ~

"That's nice, Peeta Bread." Smiling, I ruffle his hair. "You're sweet." ~

I huff. "I'm really gonna miss you." ~

"And I'm going to miss hearing that same sentence over and over." I laugh, taking some food for the both of us. Whatever the hell it is...I'll do with the roll. "I'll be back in bed with you soon enough...just hang in there." ~

"I swear, I will." I sigh, following him back to the table. "I guess it just hit me." ~

"It hit me multiple times this week. This morning, too. Hit me hard. But I'm confident, right? If we can make it through this, we can make it through anything." ~

"You're right." I bite my lip. "I just...wish it didn't have to happen at all." ~

"Not all wishes can come true." I sit down in my seat. "You just got lucky with me." ~

"I couldn't have wished you up. Not in my wildest dreams." ~

"Aww," I say, half-smiling. I really got lucky with this one. Of all people...him. We were meant to meet at the Hunger Games, definitely. Everything worked out perfectly...so why break the streak now? "And my mind can never create something so perfect." ~

"I'm far from perfect." I remind him. We all have our dark sides. ~

"But for me! For me, you're perfect. I don't care what anyone else says about you. You are per-fect. I won't let you settle for anything less!" ~

I just shake my head and smile at him, beginning to eat. How did my luck turn around so quickly? In 365 days, I'd gone from laying in bed alone on suicide watch to laying in bed with the love of my life. How? ~

"Don't shake your head at me!" I take a bite of the bread, intentionally avoiding the awkward slop of food on the plate that could potentially be potatoes. "Perfect. Say it. Say, 'I'm perfect.'" ~

"We said no more lies." I look up at him. ~

"I don't think it's a lie. I know it's not a lie." ~

"Well I think it is," I eat something green. "and I said I wouldn't lie to you." ~

"Please? For me?" I can't believe he's doing this again. "You know, if you were a little more cocky, like me, you wouldn't be so down on yourself. Why do you think I'm like this?" I take another bite. "I'm fucking perfect. That's why." ~

"Well, that's not being cocky," I bite again. "just being honest." I think he's perfect. ~

I groan. Extensively. "Come on Peeta. If you saw yourself how I do, you'd think so too. I just wish you would be able to see it that way." ~

"If I saw me the same way you did...it wouldn't be nearly as special." ~

"Yes it would," I say, "because then you'd finally understand why I love you. No more doubt. No more worrying." ~

"I will always worry." ~

I sigh and look down at my plate. "My mission in life isn't to be with you, or fuck you, or marry you...because I know those will happen. My mission in life is to make sure that you finally see yourself the way you should." ~

I look up at him. "..We'll see about that, then...won't we?" ~

"Oh, it will happen. If it's the last thing I ever do." ~

"I...I hope so." ~

"And you know what?" I ask. "If you were me, you'd definitely be able to see you the way you truly are. You know why?" ~

"...why?" ~

"Because I can see in color." ~

I laugh. "You know just what to say to make me smile." ~

"I know," I say, wiping food from his face. What a mess. "You being here makes me smile." ~

"Know that when you get back, I'll be waiting here with cake. If you ever miss me when you're gone." ~

"If I ever miss you? Pfft." I laugh. "I'll miss you the entire time I'm gone." ~

"Then you'll just have to think about me all the time." ~

"Won't have any trouble doing that." ~

"Stop, you're gonna make me all sad again." ~

"Why? We'll be thinking about each other, then." ~

"Because I've missed you over the last few days, but then I get you back at night. Then, I won't." ~

"I'll be back at night, if you let me...won't you have dreams about me?" Good ones, though. Not nightmares. ~

"I will...then I'll wake up and realize it isn't real. And I can't sleep all day...I have cakes to make, parties to plan and a rebellion to lead." I laugh. ~

"But when you wake up, you'll remember that I'm completely real even if I'm not with you physically. Just occupy yourself with all of that. I'll be back before you know it and we can live together forever. Just like we should." ~

"Just like we should." I smile. ~

"Good." I can't wait to get back. ~

A/N: Hooray, fluff that's relevant somehow in the future! ;) Review? xx


	61. Chapter 61

A/N: This chapter is very short and starts with Peeta, so...take it. Bam.

After we ate, we went back into the room and laid there, kissed for a while...until 1600 rolled along, and we had to get going to Portia. When I say she had a field day with Cato, I am not exaggerating. Not even a bit. He got the same treatment I did my first day, besides dying his hair. And seeing his face in the mirror when he finally got to see was priceless. Great, another ego boost. But he looked goddamn incredible. I had to sit by myself to calm myself down. Portia was just happy to work with him, and got to ask him all the uncomfortable personal questions I refused to answer. ~

I hated it. Hated it. Why? First of all, no more kissing with Peeta. Second of all, I don't trust other people with my looks except myself. And finally, it felt weird. But I guess it was worth it because now I look sexier than ever before. Great. But I didn't appreciate the inappropriate questions. Although, I did answer them to make Peeta feel uncomfortable. ~

After some time, and I getting dressed in my outfit from the propos and him in his rebel soldier clothing, we got taken above ground for the first time in a long while for the departure. It was a bit chilly, and dark, but there was something about breathing real air again. Haymitch met us on the surface by the elevator that took us down. ~

Sexy uniform. Sexy uniform. Swoon over me, Peeta. Go ahead. I dare you.

Air. Finally! But no sun. I miss the sun. It's hard to see in the dark, especially when I want to be able to see Peeta. ~

Once we got out into the air, things got brighter because of all of the camera lights. Coin would talk, followed by the other members of the team and I, before we'd get our goodbye. That's what Haymitch said. ~

"This is it," I whisper to him. "I'm going soon." ~

"I...I know." I squeeze his hand. "But you'll be back." ~

"That I know." I don't care if other people are supposed to be talking right now. I want at least one more private moment with Peeta before I leave. "Like my uniform?" I laugh quietly. ~

"Oh god, yes." I whisper, smiling. ~

"I know you'd like it better if it were off." ~

I shoot him a look. "Are you trying to do something here?" I pause. "And yes. I would. But not here." ~

"Why not? We did it to each other in the Hunger Games." I nudge him in the side. "In front of everyone." ~

"Because..." I glance at him. "The sexiest part is knowing that everything under there is for my eyes and hands only." ~

"Mine too," I remind him. ~

"Just because they saw then doesn't mean they should now though." ~

"You're just jealous because I out-sexy you once more." ~

"I always thought you did." I wink. ~

"I know. You tell me that every day." I play around with his hand. His left hand...which is fixed now, thankfully. "But I haven't told you enough how cute you are." ~

"You don't need to...you'll have plenty of time later." ~

"I know, but still." I hope so. ~

"Don't worry about it." I kiss his cheek. Sooner or later, it's his time to speak. After Finnick. Then me...and then, it's time for goodbye. ~

I take Peeta up to the front with me, not letting go of his hand. I don't want to let go ever. I just need to occupy my mind with thoughts of being with him later. Okay. Breathe. ~

I'm shaking now. This is our last moment. My throat is dry. I don't know if I'll be able to form words when the time comes. "I love you." I whisper as we get to the front. ~

"Love you too," I whisper back. Oh god. I hope he doesn't start crying. That's something that I won't be able to handle. ~

When we get up front, I take both of his hands and smile, speaking loudly now. "So...this is it." I laugh a little. ~

"This is it," I say in agreement. This...is it. ~

"I just..." Am forgetting everything I wanted to say. "We've been through a lot in the past few months. And this is just an extension of that. We've started it...and now we have to finish it." ~

"We will finish it. Together." I meant it when I said forever. "Just like we should." ~

"That is what we said." I smile. "...Thank you." I kiss his forehead on the tips of my toes. "For saving me." More times than I could count-I kiss his cheek. "For being mine." Always-His nose. "For protecting me." Even when I didn't want him to-his other cheek. "For loving me." When I insisted I didn't deserve him-his palm, shutting it tightly. "For...everything." His lips. For the longest time. And that's when I cry. ~

Normally, I would give him a million sloppy kisses, but I can't do that. Not now, not this night. I kiss him back, though, putting my right hand on the back of his head and my left on his upper back. And I can feel his face getting wet. Please don't cry. When I reluctantly pull away, I wipe his tears away with my sleeve. "You gave me everything, and you'll continue giving me everything. This isn't goodbye. Goodbye is too permanent. I...I'll see you soon, Lover Boy." I smile. Because I will see him soon. I know it. ~

When I see the hovercraft captain heading into the ship behind Cato, I realize this is my last moment. "The time'll fly." I smile. "Next thing you know, we'll have the rest of our lives together. In peace.. Don't worry, love." I look him right in the eyes and give him one last peck on the lips before placing my hands on his shoulders and saying assuredly, "Forever isn't too far away." ~

His gaze makes me unable to even speak, so I shake my head as to say 'it isn't.' Before I turn to walk away, I pull him into the tightest hug possible, as if he's my life support. Then I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and walk off to the hovercraft, turning around only to wave and give him a half-smile. See you soon... ~

And just like that, my love was gone. I stood there and cried for a while..but then, I grew strong. They wanted me to speak, wishing luck to the team and asking again for the story of the districts. So I did. But I thought of him whole time. ~

A/N: Told you it was short. But it starts the story format where Sam and I wrote separately. So the next chapter will be completely from Cato's POV. Reviews are really nice... :D xx


	62. Chapter 62

A/N: Here's your first one POV chapter. ;) From Cato.

So it's just the six of us now. Me, Finnick, Johanna, Carissa, Vince, and Myron. Okay. No Peeta. Breathe.

While we're being transported to District Four, Finnick, who is next to me, begins talking to me. He says, "Hey."

"Hi..." I sigh.

"I have something I need to ask you." I look to him. "Don't freak out."

I raise an eyebrow. "You're not gonna tell me you love me, are you?"

"No!" He laughs. "Actually, when we get back, Annie and I are getting married. And following traditions from back home...I need a best man."

"You're asking me?" Of all people? Now?

"Will you?"

"Of course."

It must be...maybe midnight when we land in District Four. And it's cold because it's late. We were armed with guns and various weapons of choice that we can fit in our personal packs, but I'm shivering so much that I drop my bag. Or maybe I'm just nervous and I was shaking too much.

"Get your shit together." Finnick says, taking something out of his pack and throwing it at my face. "He said to remind you of him."

"What?" I grab at my face and take the mystery item off. It's his...my? Our District Twelve jacket. "Thanks..." I say, slipping the jacket on over my uniform. Peeta...

We're near some warehouse, which I follow the other five into. Maybe we'll eat. Or sleep.

But no. We go over game plan for the early morning at sunrise. We will go straight to the Justice Building to force surrender on the Peacekeepers. Prepare to fight.

Then, they pass me a dish of somewhat warm chicken. Happy dinner for me.

We talked while we ate. About our lives. Why we're here. Obviously Finnick and Johanna are here because their victors who are fed up with the Capitol's antics. Then, Carissa is here to avenge the death of her brother, who died in the Games from an earthquake triggered by the Gamemakers. She's from District Six. Myron has been in District Thirteen since he was three. He can't remember where he was born. And Vince came from District Five before his sixth Reaping. And as he says, he was born a rebel and "would sacrifice himself for this cause." His life for everyone else's.

And then there's me.

For Peeta. For me and Peeta.

Most of the night, I spend my time staying quiet or writing a letter to Peeta. If anything, I talk to Finnick for a while after everyone else goes to sleep. I don't dislike everyone else or anything, but I just don't like people in general. I'm alright with Finnick, though.

And then we sleep.

As always, I'm the last one to wake up. I exchange the usual "Not now, Mom," and, "This isn't your mother, Cato." So I say, "Oh. Five more minutes, Peeta."

"This isn't Peeta," a voice says. When I open my eyes, I see that everyone is ready to go. Myron is kneeling down beside me, shaking me awake. "It's time to go. Hurry."

I miss Peeta. But I can keep myself sane by remembering he's finally safe. Even if he's without me for the time being, he's safe. Although, I'd imagine he's sad about not having to wake me up in the morning.

I sit up, stretching, and look behind me to find my pack and gun. The gun is kinda large, but I've seen bigger. These must've been designed specifically to be able to be concealed inside our uniforms.

Once I get everything together, I head towards the door where everyone is waiting for me. "Ready."

"Do you remember your assignments, everybody?" Myron asks. "Finnick and I will scout District Four for anything useful. After all, he knows the area best."

"Me and Johanna, right?" Carissa says. "What are we doing? Left wing of the Justice Building?"

"Yeah. Cato and I get the right," Vince chimes in. And as a reminder, I raise my right hand. I'll remember because it's the one that last touched Peeta.

We're all rebel-victor pairs, for good measure. Okay, I can handle this. We're all strong. And confident in our abilities. And it's not like this is my first time outrunning Peacekeepers. It's not a first for any of us.

The sun is just barely up so there's almost no one out on the streets. Regardless, we have to stay on the down low, so we spend forever weaving in and out of alleys, hiding behind buildings, and occasionally hiding in dumpsters. Fun. But after a while, Finnick and Myron leave to go "take care of business" elsewhere.

The four of us—me, Vince, Johanna, and Carissa—reach the Justice Building finally, but we all stay at one side. I carefully look past the bush in the direction of the huge double doors. There are no Peacekeepers guarding the outside, but there's almost no doubt in my mind that they'll be right inside. I whisper, "Okay…there's no one outside. But what do we do?"

"We go in," Johanna remarks sarcastically.

I sigh, crossing my arms. "I mean how are we going to get past anyone inside?"

"Worst comes to worst, we fight." Carissa shrugs, readjusting her backpack.

So we look around the street for any signs of life. There have been a few people who walked by, but it's still pretty early, so people are probably just waking up now or are eating breakfast. Even then, we don't have much time, so we make a run for the front of the building, concluding with me kicking one of the doors open. The other three are prepared, with their guns raised toward the doors, but no one attacks us. There's something wrong here.

As if reading my mind, Vince says, "There could've been a Finnick Odair sighting, you know."

"Because he needs all the bodyguards he can get to protect him from all the crazy girls, right?" I laugh. It's entirely possible that's why there's no one by the door. They could've created some distraction, by accident or on purpose, that would require Peacekeepers to go check out the problem. "Let's go then. Right." I think for a moment before pointing in the correct direction. Good.

The girls run off to the left, but Vince and I take our time walking down our path. This place is a labyrinth; the hallways split and turn and just generally go in every direction, with a million doors all over the place. We're looking for some meeting area or another room that would hold enough Peacekeepers for us to force them to surrender. But we can't do that unless we find them!

I look through the windows of some of the doors. Most of the rooms are identical and have cameras attached to the corners of the ceilings.

Cameras.

"They know we're here," I say deadpan.

"How do you know that?"

"They have cameras in those rooms. Probably the hallways, too." I look around, pointing the gun everywhere. "The Capitol can see everything. They're probably communicating with the Peacekeepers right now."

And the moment we hear a thousand footsteps of the enemy force trailing behind us, we break into a run.

"Where are we going?!" I scream, hearing gunshots behind us.

"We have to meet up with the girls!" He grabs my arm and pulls me along the hallway, narrowly avoiding a bullet. "We'll figure out what to do then!"

We sprint through the winding hallway as fast as we possibly can. Then, at the end of one hallway, it splits into two very different looking paths. It looks like one might lead back to where we started, and the other going somewhere completely different. I just don't know which one goes where.

As we continue running, I yell, "Which way?! Left or right?!"

They had just rounded the corner when I said that. Oh god. Don't shoot me down.

"Left! Left!"

I try to turn left with him, but with my mind thinking on instinct instead of actually thinking, I tug in the opposite direction.

"Damn it, Cato!" I hear him stumble a little bit behind me as he follows me into…a dead end with one room. As I'm opening the door, he says, "I said left!" Too late for that.

I pull him inside the room, slam the door shut, lock it, and barricade it with a large desk.

I can hear their footsteps pounding just a little ways away, so we both run over to a counter and hide behind it, ducking so that they can't see us through the window. They know we're here, but if they can't see us, they can't shoot us. Simple as that.

I notice a window behind us, too. Maybe we can go out that way.

They start pounding on the door, trying to get in. I'm afraid to peek over the counter in case they shoot through the window. Oh god. This is where I'm going to die, unless we can get out the window. Just let me out. I want to see Peeta again. Just once more. One more time would make me happy. I never even really said a goodbye to him. I just waved. No, I need to see him again. I promised I would go back for him. I can't die here. That would be breaking a promise.

Then, I realize that they could just shoot through the window and climb through that way. Then they'd definitely get us. Oh my god. What are they doing back there? Just kill me already. I'm begging now. If you're all going to kill us, just do it.

"Why aren't they shooting?" I wonder aloud from behind the protection of the counter.

"They're saving their bullets. Whoever does you in gets a large sum of money, so they'd like to get a clear shot at you." Yeah, because people in the Capitol need more money. "You'll get yourself killed out here, you know," Vince says. "With that jacket, I mean." He tugs on the rolled-up sleeve of my jacket.

"Why?" I ask, carefully peeking over the counter to see how things are going behind the barricaded doors.

He lifts his arms and blindly fires the gun over the counter in the general direction of the door window, unfortunately hitting the wall instead of the enemy. "You know their first priority, if anything, is to kill you."

This is true. Of course they'd want to kill me; I'm one of the main leaders of the rebellion. Not to mention I've done enough shit that would have gotten me killed long before District Thirteen came into my life, but that's a totally different story. "So?"

"So," he fires another shot at nothing, "the second they see that jacket, they'll shoot you down. No hesitation."

"I'm not getting rid of it," I scoff.

"Yes, I know, you won the Hunger Games in it, but that doesn't mean it's lucky—"

"But it's Peeta's jacket. He gave it to me before we left. I can't just toss it away like that!"

A/N: Uh-oh spaghettios. That's the end of that. Peeta's chapter is next. Review?


	63. Chapter 63

A/N: Here's all that from Peeta's POV.

Annie and I met up when everything was said and done. We were both kind of wrecks, but we dealt with it by me distracting her by making her talk about the wedding and things she wanted for the cake. I couldn't pull a wedding cake out of my ass. Maybe a simple chocolate cake at Cato's house...Cato.

She wanted it to be reminiscent of their time together. Their lives in Four. The sea, mostly. So lots of light, whippy blue frosting. Noted. There was really nothing else that could distract me besides this. But we were only an hour or so in, and I was already missing him a bunch. Almost enough that it hurt. But I ignored it by telling myself that I'd see him tonight. Then I could deal with this on my own.

We have ice cream for dinner.

He was right. I kind of act like a girl.

Then, we make or departure from each other and go into our rooms on our own. I almost check the bottom drawer, but I know I'll probably need it more soon. So I stare at the ceiling for a while, and decide to write a journal to show him when he gets back, keeping track of what I do. I find a notepad in the dresser and start writing in silence.

_Day One:_

_I must be such a sap. I already want to cry and he's only been gone a day. But I'm strong. I spoke to Annie about the wedding today. I already have a sketch for the cake. I can't wait. I ate ice cream for dinner, too. Portia'll be upset._

_Peeta ~_

I fall asleep wishing he were here. At first, it was a quiet sleep. Nothing special.

Then, there was fire.

Nothing but painful, searing fire. And, in order, I relive every moment of my torture. The tracker jacker venom, even. Hallucinations. Sobbing. Needing death.

And I wake up crying.

I sob myself to sleep.

I miss Cato.

The next morning, I wake up exhausted. I've been up and down all night. I paced the halls for a while, trying to figure out something to do with myself, but to no avail. Eventually I passed out from how tired I was, but I was yawning all day. I get sent to record a few more propos that we can save for when the time's right-in case I can't record. I see Haymitch give me a smile, and I know he's giving me the chance to work on things with Annie. That makes my day worlds better, and helps me stop thinking about Cato. Or at least, thinking about him in a more positive light.

After prepping and the shoot, it's about midday, so I grab two lunches to go and meet Annie up in her room to show her some of the drawings I've done for the cake before we get to work. We don't know how long they're going to be out there, so everyone's working as if it could be any day-Cinna's even making her a dress. It made me smile, how everyone here pulled together for each other.

After about an hour eating with Annie and debating different aspects of the cake, she heads downstairs to HQ with me so I can talk to Coin about getting Cato's mom safe. Especially with the Team about to hit Four, Two could become unstable at any moment. She's expecting me, since I asked to see her last night, and is less than amused at my request. I don't think she likes Cato very much. But when I make a bit of a fit, and agree to help working in the kitchen occasionally for desserts (which I wouldn't object to), she agrees to send out a recon team to get Cato's mother. Plus, I think she thought the idea of me doing things with her, saying she saved my life, would look good to get Districts on our side. Whatever worked, I just wanted her here before he got home.

Then, we headed down into the kitchens to see what we could start with for the cake. The easiest thing to start with would be the actual cakes. Finnick's favorite cake was apparently cinnamon, so that's what we'd make. Then, we'd use Annie's favorite icing-buttercream. It was sweet, how she spoke about him. It reminded me of how Cato would imitate me talking about him. Did I really sound like a lovesick girl?

We got together all of the ingredients and waited for the kitchen staff to get out before we began baking. She watched me closely, and really seemed to have an eye for detail-which was always good when baking.

As I set her on task with the massive amount of batter, I get to work on the other cake I need to be working on. Dark chocolate, with cream cheese frosting. Fairly smaller, obviously... But the design much more personal. I only draw for now. His birthday isn't for another four weeks or so. I have time. I've got to make it count.

We work for a little while before they need to start getting ready for dinner. She has a good amount of the batter done, and I make a mental note that we're on schedule for now. We'd bake tomorrow, and I'd start mixing frostings the next day with colors. We head back upstairs talking about Finnick and Cato, wondering how they're doing and wondering what's happening back over in Four. I once again consider the bottom drawer, but then remember that I don't know how long he'll be there. I'll wait for news, then decide. If they're going to be back soon, then I'll read them sooner. If I have time, then I'll wait. I hope he got my jacket by now.

After a little bit, Annie realizes I'm getting restless for news, so we head over to 1219-the meeting room, because it has the biggest screen in the District. Plus, we knew how to get there...so that was kind of a bonus for the both of us, being geographically challenged. But all that's on tv is a weird static between Capitol TV and my propos, I guess because we're fighting for signal. But I want to see the Capitol TV! Ugh. I sit on the chair with my knees tucked into my chest, waiting for something that doesn't seem monotonous.

Eventually, the television fades directly into Capitol TV, covering a siege in District Four. I look at Annie excitedly, hoping that maybe we'll get glimpses at the team-but then, we realize that if they can get that close, it's probably not a good thing. And as the fighting remains at a zoomed-out perspective, we keep our hopes up. But then, a ticker runs across the bottom of the screen, and my heart stops.

"Rebel Forces Cornered in District Four Justice Building"

There were so many other fights, though, it seemed. What were the chances, right? The cameras fade onto a team of soldiers and Peacekeepers alike, waiting outside what seemed to be a barricaded door. One of them tosses a small bomb..Whoever's in there's a goner. I can't breathe, not knowing if it's friend, stranger, or lover. As the bomb begins to beep, the doors slam open, and I want to puke.

Because all I see is my jacket, and I know it's him. He runs out, but can't even make it a foot before they start shooting. Within seconds, he's dropped to the ground. I have to be having a nightmare. This has to be some terrible dream. I know it. My entire body is convulsing, shaking, and I want to break into sobs right now...but I shut my eyes and try to imagine that it isn't real. That none of this is real. And that when I open my eyes, it'll be some other guy. So I open them.

But now, the headline reads:

"74th Hunger Games Winner-Turned-Rebel Cato Shot Dead In District Four"

"No. No, no, no."

It has to be some other Cato, right? Someone else. Not mine.

But I stare for a long time. I even feel Annie's hand on my shoulder, but I don't respond. Because all I want to do is find something that proves that the dead man on the screen isn't my fiance. I need to find something. Because he promised. I promised. That he'd be back. There had to be some mistake. I feel tears welling in my eyes. But I won't let them fall. To let them fall would be to admit that he's dead.

And he isn't dead. Cato. Isn't. Dead.

We still have so much to be done. It couldn't end here. Like this. Wasn't this supposed to be simple? I don't even blink. I just stare at the screen, barely even registering what was on.

"Slap me." I whisper, continuing to stare at the screen.

"What?"

"Slap me." I repeat.

"I'm not going to slap you, Peeta." Annie's voice is shaking. She has to realize how I feel. What if the same were to happen to Finnick?

"Just hit me, something, anything to wake me up from this goddamn nightmare!" I scream, turning to her. He can't be dead. There's no way. No possible way. But this empty feeling in my gut, like the wind was eternally knocked out of me...it told me otherwise. When Annie shakes her head again, I smack my legs, arms, face, pull at my hair... But I won't wake up.

He's dead.

I begin sobbing into my knees, shaking and holding myself. No. "Love..." My voice releases through sobs. "No, no, love..." It's hard to breathe or process anything at all. I can't believe this. I try to manage his name, but I can't. I can't say his name. "You can't be dead love..." I whisper, running my hands through my hair. "Love, love, love..." Please no. Don't do this to us. He didn't do anything wrong. We didn't deserve this. "Oh god!" I sob, rolling myself into a little ball on the chair. "Cato..."

Through my sobs, I can barely hears the calls for my name from through the door. They had to have heard me scream at Annie, because whoever it was is heading here. Then, I hear the doors opening, and it's Haymitch and Coin.

"Peeta..." I hear a voice. First, Haymitch.

"This can't be happening. Please, someone tell me it isn't happening." I cry. There's only silence.

"Peeta...He's dead."

Coin.

Her. This was her idea. She was the one who wanted to send him out.

"SHUT UP!" I pull my head out of my knees to turn to them quickly, screaming. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I point at her, shaking. "You had to send him! HAD TO! NO CHOICES, RIGHT?!" My voice cracks.

"Peeta, calm down..." Annie attempts to reason with me, but I won't have any of it. The love of my life is dead. The only thing that's kept me alive over the past six months or so is dead. Gone.

"I will not calm down!" I shout, getting out of my chair. "Are you happy?! Is everyone happy?!"

"No one's happy about this, Peeta!" Haymitch yells back.

"She is! She hated him all along! You probably planned this from the start when you wouldn't have shit for your rebellion without him!"

"Peeta! You have to stop!" Haymitch shouts.

But she just stands there, staring.

"Aren't you going to say anything?!" I've begun sobbing again.

"I'm...sorry." And she walks out.

"Come back here! Get the hell back here!" I start to run after her, but collapse on the ground. I'm a mess. I can't even explain how I'm feeling. I can't even hold him. I lay there on the cold metal and just cry. "Love..." I say to no one. "My love..." No, no... "Forever...didn't we say that?"

Haymitch and Annie take me back to my room, though I fight them for a while on the way up, where I sob and shake on my bed for a good long while before there's a knock on the door. My father. He doesn't say a thing, just kisses the top of my head, and sits in the big chair in the room while I lay in bed. We don't speak, but we both know why he's here. Not just to console. The look we trade says so.

The good thing about having my dad there is that I had no reservations with him. He knows everything about me, and I know I can sob my eyes out with him here, and he won't say a word. It's nice, having the company, even if I know that he's not here just to be my friend. After all, he's been with me through almost everything. He's seen me at my best, and he's seen me at my worst. And this is pretty close to my worst. I cry non-stop. And he just sits there, watching sadly, knowing I have to get through this on my own...but making sure I don't try to get through it the same way I tried to last time.

"But I love him, dad." I finally say after what feels like hours.

"I know, Peeta."

"He can't be gone." I whisper, tears still falling down my face. I feel as if my insides have been crumpled up by a person wearing metal gloves. I want to throw up, but I haven't eaten enough to puke anything up anyway. "I was going to _marry_ him, dad."

"I know, Peeta." He says sadly as I look up at him. "...I know."

"I would give anything in the world to have him back." I shake.

"I know, Peeta."

He stays until nighttime, when I start yawning and my sobs get less and less frequent. Half of me expects him to come in from training any second now...but Cato never comes. I watch my father leave the room, and from that moment on, all I do is stare at the door. Waiting for it to open, and for that beautiful boy from the training center to come in and smile at me just one more time. Please. It's all I'd need. Then I could go see him again happily.

I can't believe I'll never see him alive again.

I miss him already.

I stare for a long time before my mind finally registers that Cato isn't coming in tonight..or tomorrow night..or the night after that. Then, my mind remembers that I have to write in the journal. I said I'd show him, someday.

_Day 2:_

_Cato still isn't back. I wish they'd all just stop telling me that he's dead. He'll be back. We still have to get married, and spend forever together. I told him I'd wait forever. This starts the wait._

_Peeta_

I put the pad down, shutting my eyes and trying to get sleep. But then, my mind wanders to the last few hours. Our last times together before he left.

The bottom drawer.

A/N: Well...I'm sorry if I broke anyone's hearts with this chapter. Please tell me what you thought, and keep reading to find out what Peeta finds in the drawer. xx


	64. Chapter 64

A/N: Well...as you might've guessed, this chapter is completely from Peeta's POV.

At first, I didn't want to look. But he told me to wait until I really missed him and needed it. Oh, I needed it. Because it was seeming like he was going to be away longer than either of us expected. This may be one of the few things I have from him for a while. So after a while, I pull myself out of the bed and kneel onto the ground, pulling open the drawer. All it is...is paper. What? I take my hands and grab all of the papers and pull myself back onto the bed and put them back on. It was a lot of paper, and, without looking into a single one of them, I counted.

Forty-eight.

Every one of them was the same writing. So I began to read.

_Dear Peeta,_

By the time I've read the forty-eighth one for the millionth time, I'm a complete wreck. He's perfect. He was absolutely perfect. And I can never have him again. I won't ever kiss his soft lips, hold his warm hand, sleep in his arms, stare into his perfect eyes, hear his laugh...

He's dead.

My chest just hurts. My heart is broken. My head is pounding, and I can't really think straight. All I know is that I want him back. I want him back now. I'll do anything to have him back now. Anything at all.

Even end my own life.

It all seems so ironic, really. That this is all happening again. In bed. With the letters.

Kind of sad, really.

I found a razor in the bathroom adjoined to _our_ room, and sat down on the bed, just staring at the sharp piece of metal. I could see my reflection in it. I looked...pathetic. Because he was gone. I had lost everything, in a matter of moments. My capacity to live, my drive for the war, my belief in forever, and my hope in a happy ending.

How did this happen? I try to run through the story in my head. Remembering the training center. This all began there. He was working with the swords...so handsome. Talented. There was something about his confident air that immediately attracted me. And from that moment on...the moment I allowed my heart to love him, I was a complete goner. Because though, at first, I was planning on trying to win to get home...I knew I'd give my life for this boy. Then, the Games. Maybe if I hadn't acted so obvious...but maybe I was just excited that I'd maybe get a day or two of happiness.

But even that desire was punished. No Peeta. You can never be happy. If there is ever anything in this world that even remotely makes you happy, we will destroy it. After all, you're doomed to live a long, sad life, all on your own.

Oh, no. I'll show you. The life'll be much shorter than you think. And then...then, I'll be happy. And you'll be wrong. I'll have beaten you. You'll see.

I open up my eyes to stare at my own reflection in the razor. "Well...this is it." I whisper to myself. I take it to the top of my forearm near my inner wrist. "See you soon, love."

And I cut once.

The pain is immediate, and I bite my lip to prevent myself from crying aloud. I watch as my warm, red blood quickly seeps out of the wound through my teary eyes. Already, my mind is starting to get weak. It knows. We're going to die, now. But we'll get to see Cato. It'll be okay. This'll be over soon.

I raise my arm to take the razor to my wrist again, slicing another cut parallel to the last. Now, I can die. I'll get to sleep in his arms tonight. I can't wait. More red drips down my arm and onto my leg and the sheets, a bit more heavily than before.

I get a little farther up, before cutting in again. Perfect.

One more time. And I feel death approaching more and more rapidly with each gash. Please, get here faster. I need you. I need to die.

_No, Peeta._

"Cato?" I whisper aloud. It was him. I know it. I go to cut my arm again, in hopes that this was me getting closer to him.

_Stop! Stop, you idiot! You promised me something...Don't you remember?_

"...What?" All I can think about is being with him. Now.

_You told me three months. If anything happened to me, you said you'd wait three months._

"But...why?"

_Didn't you read my letters?_

I did. Every one of them. So I do as my dad did, and begin wrapping my right arm with a piece of the sheets, though they quickly stain again with red. "Will you stay if I promise not to do anything to myself?"

_I told you that I'm always here with you._

Always.

For a good long while, I just do my best to try and stop the bleeding. Because now, the pain doesn't feel good anymore. Now that I'm determined to live, the cuts in my arm just hurt like hell. I replace the strip of sheets on my arm every half an hour or so, though there are times where I just randomly fall asleep. There are others where I just talk to Cato, and I know I must be insane, but I'd rather be insane than dead at this point-or at least, Cato would've rathered.

"Why?" I whisper in a general statement at somewhere around four a.m.

_Why what, Lover Boy?_

"Why did you have to go?" My voice is shaking and I'm staring at the ceiling.

_But I'm right here, Peeta._

But I know he's not there.

_Peeta, please..._

I glance over to the main area of the room where there's just empty space...and he's standing there. Just standing there. Smiling. Just as I left him two days ago.

"Love.." I crack out in a whisper, attempting to make eye contact.

He's here. "You came back."

_I never left you._

The first thing I do is run to him...but I go right through him. I quickly turn and hold my hands out flat. He places them against mine, but I know if I move, I'll go through him again. But then, I go to intertwine our fingers...and I clasp his hands.

"Cato..." I cry, falling into his arms.

_I never left you._

For the rest of the night, I lie there in his arms. And maybe, somewhere in my head, I know I'm insane. And I know he isn't real. But if insanity is how I choose to grieve, then so be it. I don't sleep for a while, for fear I'll wake up and he'll be gone. But then, he starts humming a song that puts me right out. It's been a long day.

I wake up in the morning...and he's still there. But I have a schedule. I have to leave him. Then I look down at my right wrist, and see how red the sheet strip is. I want to get rid of it, but seeing it reminds me that I have three months to wait.

"You can't be dead." I think aloud.

_I'm here._

"But you aren't really...I know that."

_I'm sorry, Peeta._

The day has to go on.

My schedule starts immediately down in HQ, which is odd for me. But I know they want to talk about him. And I'm not in the mood the talk about it. I'm not ready yet. I can't. But I go nonetheless. When I reach the room, everyone is waiting, but no one scolds me for being late.

I just stare at them for a while as we all sit at the round table. Then, finally, Beetee breaks the silence. "I'm sorry Peeta."

Everyone chimes in some form of agreement, but I can't even respond. It, like my tears, would only affirm his death. I just shut my eyes, giving then a nod before pulling my arms onto the table and resting my head on them.

Then, I hear Haymitch speak with a bit of alarm in his voice. "Peeta, what happened to your arm..?!"

I gaze up at them with empty eyes. "I...tried to kill myself."

"You what?!" Coin shouts.

"I slit open my wrists, to try and bleed myself out. So I'd die." I said sternly. "Clear enough for you?"

"Peeta!" Portia yells, running over to me. She grabs my hand, and I yelp as she touches my wrist.

"I don't want to be rid of it. I did it. It's done."

"But why?" Someone else says.

"What else do I have?"

They tell me how they're going to record propos today to air around.

"The team captured Four." Coin says.

So they'll all be back. Besides Cato. No...no, he'll be back. This is some sick joke. It has to be. He'll be back. He's just surprising me.

You saw him on television, Peeta. He's dead.

That's a lie. A dirty lie.

"They're coming back today." I'll see him today.

"We have some good news though." I look up. I needed good news. "The recon team got Cato's mother safe. They should be back by 1200. They're flying over the woods near Two now in a stolen Peacekeeper hovercraft."

My eyes brighten up a little. He would've wanted her safe. I just wish he'd get to see her again. It drives me insane that he won't. I could cry just thinking about it. Instead, I just whisper, "Thank you."

I head to breakfast and sit by myself at the table for two Cato and I shared our last meal together at. I can't believe that the man who sat at the empty seat only a day and a half ago is dead. Dead. We talked about being married here. Finnick and Annie's wedding...which would happen tomorrow, if they came back today.

So I'd distract myself with the cake for the rest of the day, I decided.

But for an hour or so, I still waited, hoping my eyes would get covered and I'd hear his voice again. "I miss you." I whisper, looking at the empty space and my wrist. Oh god, I miss him. So much more, now, knowing he isn't coming back.

I head into the kitchen on my own between breakfast and lunch and bake serious work on the wedding cake. I just block out everything else and think. About Finnick and Annie. Their love. District Four. The war. Cato.

I finish the entire structure of the cake and start working with the frosting when the chefs come in for lunch. Now my distraction is gone. Ugh. I can't work on the huge cake in the corner I'm pushed into. So I swallow my nerves... And start work on Cato's birthday cake.

It has to be perfect. He'd be nineteen. An adult. Free from the Games. Free from all of that pain. I need it to be perfect for him. I sit in the corner of the kitchen and draw it. Red frosting. Like blood. His favorite color.

Then, I thought about little things about him. So I started writing things that reminded me of him. I'd put them all on the cake. Parts of our relationship. Things he told me he loves. Anything to make him smile again. Oh, I loved him.

I sit for a while after that, waiting for more ideas. After some time, I go back to my room and talk to myself.

Oh god, I am insane.

I need him, though.

My entire body is shaking.

No Peeta.

Three months.

I can't wait that long.

It's only three months.

I can't do it.

What can you do then?

Three weeks, max.

That's just before his birthday, you know.

I couldn't handle that.

Then what?

The day before.

You're really resolved on this, haven't you?

I have.

Why?

I can't live without him.

But he asked you to live.

He'd understand. I am going to wait.. Just not as long.

Not even for his birthday?

That'd make it so much harder...just be happy you're not already dead with me.

Suddenly, there's a knock at my door. It's Beetee. "The team's back with Cato's mother!" Immediately I run out of the room and run down to the elevator. I have to thank her. For protecting me. Giving me Cato. Giving me life to live...if only for another few weeks.

When I reach the loading room, I see the blonde woman, and we both begin to cry.

So she knows.

She runs at me and holds me. And I sob with someone who understands exactly what I'm feeling. Even to maybe a greater degree. "I'm sorry..." I can't help feeling responsible. I took us here.

"Don't be...oh, don't be.." She kisses the top of my head. "You're safe...it's what he would have wanted."

But I wanted him safe.

"I hear you sent them to get me...thank you."

"It was the least I could do. You...saved my life. He missed you. I...wanted you back for his birthday." The one I won't be here for, now, either.

"I...missed him, too." She sighs, voice shaking. "Still do."

"Always will."

I sit and talk to her for a while before deciding I should probably introduce her to my father, so I ask someone to go get him while I take her to Cato and I's room, just to see. I show her his drawer, messy as it ever was, filled with crumpled clothes. She laughs and tells me that's how it was at home, too. His whole room, really. Mine's the one below it, with everything folded neatly in squares.

"You two really did balance out each other well." She smiles, still somewhat teary-eyed, sitting on the chair and crossing her legs in the same, odd way he did-where they were almost completely perpendicular.

"We...I suppose we did." I shut the drawer and sit on the bed, biting my lip. "I...I have a question."

She looks up at me. "What is it?"

I glance away. "Did you...Did you always support us? Even before we met?" I wanted to know if he had anyone. Because he'd always made it clear that his father disapproved.

"You made him laugh." She smiles. His smile. "I don't think I'd ever seen that before. He was always so...so serious. Into the idea of the Games. I didn't care who you were...I just wished he could've had you around sooner."

A/N: And that's that. Review, please. I really do appreciate them. The next chapter has a back and forth with Peeta and his father and Mrs. Belotor.


	65. Chapter 65

A/N: This chapter is a back and forth between Peeta and his dad. Take it. Starts with Peeta.

"My mom isn't nearly as supportive." I stifle a quiet laugh. "She's actually really similar in stance on it to Cato's father." I shiver on even mentioning him. "But my dad loved-loves Cato." I correct myself.

"I'm sure he's a great man, Peeta."

That he is. There's a knock on the door. ~

"Peeta?" his father asks through the door. "Are you okay?" ~

I quickly stand. "Dad.." I run over and crack open the door a bit. "Yeah, I'm fine." I lie. I'm fine comparatively, but I'll never really be fine again. "There's just...someone I want you to meet." I open the door a bit wider and let him in. "This is Cato's mom. Remember? I told you about her." I told him about every little thing she did for me back when Cato was on the Victory Tour. Every bit of kindness, lie, hiding spot, cover...all of it. ~

"Yes, I remember..." He walks in and over to her, just staring for a moment. Then he says, "Thank you for everything...Peeta probably wouldn't be...here if it weren't for you." ~

I take a step back as she stands, both of them confused as to how to greet the other. "It's...It's not a problem." She says. "Peeta made my son happier than he'd ever been in his entire life. I can't repay that joy." ~

"Then they're a good match." They are. Not were. "Cato saved Peeta's life a million times over...in more than one sense." ~

"Very." She smiles. "They really are quite the pair." I go back to my seat on the bed, smiling. "Your son really is an incredible baker." That's probably the only thing my dad'll ever need to hear to be happy for the rest of his life. "But he says you're bounds better. To be honest, my son nor I thought there was a way to make cake other than the box mix."

It reminds me of him, and how surprised he was that day. How he begged to eat the cake before it'd even begun baking, the spoon, and how often he ate the thing in the one day. I remember the cake back in District Two I'd slaved for hours over. How he never did get to see it. I wonder if she ever ate any. "Told you." I whisper to my dad. ~

"Well, how else did you think they made the mix?" He laughs quietly. "Thank you, though..." He sighs. He knows that Peeta's thinking about the welcome home cake that was made for after the Victory Tour. ~

"It's really nothing at all."

"I just thought you'd both want to meet. I mean...you're the fifty percent of Cato and I's parents who just...got it, you know? Got us..." I clasp my hands together nervously. "So...now you're both here...thanks." I glance in the corner, getting a nod from Cato. "From both of us." ~

"I know," he says, following Peeta's eyes to the corner. "He would be thankful." ~

It gets very quiet for a minute, and I stare down at my hands and look up at the corner of the room occasionally. "Well...I should probably go get settled in my room for the night." Cato's mother stands. "Thank you again...both of you." I smile and nod, somewhat dazed. "I'll see you in the morning." And she leaves, giving a small awkward wave. Just. Like. Him. ~

"Goodbye," Mr. Mellark says, moving out of the way of the door. When she leaves, he turns back to Peeta. "Peeta..." ~

I look up at him. "What is it?" I start fiddling my thumbs to distract myself. ~

"Your arm." ~

"Listen, I don't really want to talk about it." I stare at my feet, rushing out my words to try and get a different subject going, moving my body to make sure I was sitting on the blood stain that'd made it on the sheets. ~

"I stayed with you almost the entire night..." He sits next to Peeta on the right side. "You said you wouldn't." ~

"Well, I stopped myself, didn't I?" I snap a little before looking away ashamedly. I want to tell him that I plan on ending it in three weeks anyway, but I can't. ~

His father jumps a little at his tone. "Yes, I'm proud of you for taking control this time..." He turns and pulls Peeta into a tight hug. "Please don't try again...you're strong." Just like he's always been told. ~

"It's so hard." I whisper. "I...I'm not that strong, dad. The..only reason I stopped is because I remembered that..that he asked me if something were to happen to him, for me to wait at least three months to see if I could handle it. I..saw him. I see him." I'm shaking, staring at Cato over my father's shoulder. "I'm not strong. Just insane." ~

"What do you mean...you see him?" Color drains from his face. His son is officially insane. ~

"He's..." I pull away from him, nodding my head to the corner. "He's right there. I see him. Touch him. I held his hands. Slept in his arms. He...stopped me. I wouldn't have stopped on my own." I admit. ~

"He's..." He looks over into the empty corner, about to say he isn't there...but he doesn't want to upset Peeta anymore than he already is. "He stopped you...how?" ~

I begin unwrapping the sheet from my wrist to show my dad. "I'd gotten this far, but...but then I heard his voice. Calling me an idiot, reminding me I promised not to do anything crazy." I pause. "At least for three months. And..if I can't bear it then, he wouldn't hold it against me." I look away. "I know he isn't really there, dad." I stare at the bottom drawer, where I'd stored the letters again. "I told him about last time, when he was alive..." ~

"He's here," he says, pointing to Peeta's chest, right where his heart is. "Just...please don't ever again." ~

"I can't promise that." I can't lie to him. I wouldn't. ~

"Yes, you have to." His father is on the verge of tears. "If you won't listen to me, listen to him." He glances over to the corner that he knows is empty. "For Cato." ~

Immediately, I want to cry. "You can't do that to me. You can't give me that choice." I crack. ~

"It's not a choice." He may be completely sympathetic, but he's not letting Peeta kill himself. "Life, living...it's not a choice. It's something you do, that you have to do...you have to understand." ~

"Then why have I lived my entire life in hell, then finally..finally when I get one thing that makes me happy... that's taken away too!" I cry out. ~

"Peeta...you have to find something to do...there's a reason for everything." They both hate that phrase when it concerns something as dire as this, but it's necessary. "There are others who care about you." ~

"I know that..." I whisper. "I do. But nothing...nothing has ever gone right for me completely. Maybe it would've been easier if I'd died that day. Cato could've lived. Everyone would've gone on unchanged." The scariest part is that I could be right. I stare at the corner of the room, and Cato's there, just shaking his head. He'd always object when I'd think like this. ~

"I know...but you've got to keep living." He bites his bottom lip and takes in a deep breath. "If...didn't you promise him three months? What would he want for you, Peeta...?" ~

"He told me to wait three months. To see if it was still as terrible as it was the first day. And if it was, and...and I wasn't happy, then he'd...he wouldn't be upset if I did it." I look him in the eyes. "I don't know if I can even make it that long, dad. I feel like nothing. Nothing at all." ~

He hugs him again. "You're much more than you think you are...and I'm sure I'm not the only one who's told you that." Never has he heard anything like that directly, but he just knows. "You can make it. You can make it longer than that. I believe in you. We...we can bake. Or I'll try to find you some paints. Something to occupy you for large blocks of time..." ~

Maybe something to occupy time would be good. I nod at him apprehensively. "But...I don't believe in myself." I can't tell him that I'm struggling to just last three weeks. It would destroy him. "I'm just empty and...and sad. I miss him." ~

"I know." He pats Peeta on the back a few times. "But I think that's the problem here. Over the past few months, I know he's given you part of him...and that should be that you know how great you are. He had to have told you. You're strong, and talented, and..." Finally, he lets out a sob. "I've had to deal with my own son nearly dying once, then dying supposedly for real twice...not one more. Please not another one." ~

Don't worry dad. This time, it'll be for good. "Not another." I whisper, wrapping my arms around him. And I allow myself to cry, too. For Cato's death. For still being alive. For hurting my father. For lying to my father. For the fact that I'll be dead in three weeks. For the fact that he thinks I'm going to try otherwise. ~

"I'd hold you to that," he says seriously. ~

Don't. "Okay." ~

Shaking his head, he releases Peeta. "I'm your father. I know when you're lying." ~

"I'm not." I whisper, trying not to let my voice shake with my cries. ~

"Peeta, if I have to get someone from Thirteen to keep an eye on you 24/7...I wouldn't be against that idea. You haven't even tried living first. The first days will always be the roughest, I know...but it gets better. Trust me." ~

"You wouldn't put me on suicide watch!" I cry out. "I'm seventeen! I can take care of my own decisions on these things..!" ~

"I would. Yes, you're seventeen. Which means you're still young enough to still live under my household. And even though we don't live in the same compartment, you're still under my authority." It's serious business when it concerns Peeta's life. "You're...delusional, Peeta...you can't make your own decisions in this state." ~

"I'm not delusional!" I move away from him, standing from my spot on the bed, revealing the blood stain I was sitting on. "I'm not! Everyone keeps calling me crazy, and I'm not crazy!" I back away from him and the bed slightly. ~

"I'm...not calling you crazy. It's normal to be in denial when these things happen...you just need to give it some time so you can accept it and try to move on..." He tries reasoning. ~

"I'm not in denial, either!" I shake my head. "He's dead! I get it! H-he's dead..! See?" I back up some more towards the back of the room. "I'm not denying anything!" I hold my arms out. ~

"You...still see him, don't you?" Seeing dead people makes you slightly delusional at the least. Not that it's a bad thing, if it keeps him company, but it's still a delusion and a blockage preventing him from moving on. ~

"Yeah-I don't see how that's relevant, though!" ~

"He's...d-dead, Peeta. You just said so...so he can't be there. That's a delusion." He cautiously takes a step forward. "It isn't bad. You just need to keep that in mind." ~

"But I see him!" I point in the corner towards Cato, who's now shutting his eyes and shaking his head. "What?!"

_You have to relax, Peeta._

"Don't tell me to relax! I'm fine! Perfectly fine!" ~

Confused at first, his father realizes that Peeta's talking to the corner. "I know you see him." ~

"And there's nothing wrong with it!" I step further away from him, towards my dresser.

_Let it go, Peeta. He's not trying to hurt you._

"They're all trying to make me forget you, love! I can't forget you! You can't go away..!" I sob. ~

"Peeta, Peeta, please!" He rushes over to him and puts his hand on Peeta's shoulder. "We're not asking you to forget him...I know you won't ever be able to. I'm just asking you, please...he'd want you to try. Ask him right now." ~

"No, no, no!" I push him away. "Everyone's telling me to calm down, and let go, and I don't want to listen anymore!" I shout, looking to the the dresser and grabbing the razor from last night. "Don't touch me!" I cry. ~

He doesn't dare move forward. Not even an inch. "I-I won't...just...talk to him right now." Maybe he'll tell Peeta to stop, he thinks, then this will stop. ~

"No!" I hold the razor in the air with my left hand, shaking. "He's telling me the same things all of you are! I'm done with other people telling me what's good for me!" ~

"PEETA MELLARK!" He finally snaps. After all these years, he finally snaps. "You need others to tell you what's good for you because you don't even know what's good for you!" Being taller and having better reflexes than his son, he quickly reaches over and takes the razor from his hand. "You think this is good? Leaving others distraught over your suicide because you didn't believe in yourself? That isn't good!" ~

"Give that back!" I go to reach for the razor, but to no avail. "No one would be distraught if I just slit my throat..No one! Not even you!" I sob. "Maybe if I were dead, you and mom would stop fighting! Everyone would be much better off!" ~

"No Peeta, stop talking like that!" He stuffs the razor in his pant pocket and zips it shut. "I would always care! Don't you dare say I wouldn't! And Annie? Finnick? Haymitch? All of them, Peeta! Not because they need you for the rebellion. It's because they truly care for you. Even your brothers! Maybe they seem like they wouldn't, but you didn't see them when we came back from the Capitol that one day! They gained respect for you, finally, and you're throwing it away!" He pauses. "Cato would care." ~

"Everyone else here has someone else that's just theirs. Everyone. Maybe they'd care, but they'd go on with life! It wouldn't be that big of a deal!" I choke on my words when I try to talk about Cato. "Yes, Cato'd care...but Cato's dead!" I sob, taking hard, deep breaths. "He's dead, damn it, and I just want the same!" ~

"That's it. I'm taking you down to the hospital. They have to have something to give you. Anything." ~

"No!" I back away from him. "There are more of those!" I cry out. "I swear, if you take me down there, I'll find a way!" ~

Swiftly, he grabs Peeta by both wrists and holds them behind the boy's back so that he can't flail his arms. "You're going to the hospital." He drags him over to the door and leans awkwardly to twist the doorknob, opening it and pulling Peeta out into the hallway. ~

I use every bit of strength I have in a poor attempt to break out of his grip before just giving up and sobbing as he pulls me along. I don't want to go to the hospital. The last time I was down there, I was with Cato. On our first night here. We fought. I regret every moment. Then he came into my bed, and we slept at peace. I wasn't expecting anything nearly as nice this time. ~

"Let him occupy you for the time being, if you don't want to listen to me talk about how your life is valuable." He pushes the elevator button. "I'll get you through this if it's the only thing I ever have to do in my life. Ever since she first hit you...I swore I'd protect you to the end of life. I'm not done protecting you, Peeta. I didn't have many chances to." ~

"Why?" I whisper, defeated. "Why didn't you ever stop her?" ~

"I tried...haven't you ever paid attention? All the fighting, it was all for you...I'm against physical fighting, as you know...so I could never hit her back." The elevator door opens, so he walks Peeta in. "I tried everything I could..." ~

"She tried to kill me because she suspected I was maybe gay." My voice is shaking. I hate this room. This wide, open room. "We could've left." ~

"To go where? The bakery was our living." He drags his son through to the nearest table with a doctor. "We were never completely sure this place existed." ~

"Then make her leave." ~

"I...I can't do that." He shakes his head, raising his arm to call for medics to pay attention to the boy at hand. "You know I can't, with the other two..." ~

"Okay." That's all I say. I want to ask if he'd just wait for her to actually finish me off. Maybe then, he'd make her go. Would he? I wanted to ask. But now I'm just hounding him. And all he's ever done is good for me. ~

While Peeta stands there, his father talks to a doctor about his current state. They both discuss medication to calm him down.

"Morphling usually does the trick," the doctor says. "I'll be right back." ~

"Morphling?" I hear mentioned. "You can't put that stuff in me." ~

"It sounds like it'll numb your pain for a while." His father sighs. "It can't hurt trying." ~

"I'd rather hurt than feel nothing...!" ~

"I'd rather you be alive and drugged up than dead and hurt." His voice is shaking as he tries reasoning with his youngest son. ~

"I won't do anything!" I shake my head. "I don't need to be drugged." ~

"You said you wanted to die, Peeta...you threatened with a razor. It hurts me to say this, but I don't think I can trust you to be alone or without meds." He's always trusted Peeta. Not anymore. ~

"I'm not a kid." I whisper. "I'm just screwed up. That's not my fault." ~

"I know." He nods. "But you'll just try to...end it again. He...wouldn't want you to." He avoids saying Cato's name. "None of us do. Deep inside, I know you don't want to. It hurts, I know...but he made you keep that promise for a reason. Don't break it." ~

_Peeta..._

"Stop talking to me. I know you're not real."

_I'm just trying to help you._

"You're only making things worse."

_I never meant for that. You know that._

"If you don't want to hurt me anymore, you'd get away. And never come back."

_I can't do that, dear, and you know it. ~_

Mr. Mellark awkwardly stands by Peeta while the doctor talks to a couple other medics, who are sorting through morphling tablets and deciding whether or not to set him up with an IV. He doesn't say anything; he just pats Peeta on the back a few times. Talking to him will only make him feel worse. ~

"Please just go..." I whisper, looking up at him and completely oblivious to the rest of the world.

_Do you really want me to go on terms like this, Peeta?_

"What do you mean?"

_We said no more lies._

"So?"

_You promised. Breaking a promise is a terrible lie._

"But I can't, love...I can't."

_Is this pain worth breaking my last wish to you? Is it?_

"It hurts!" I cry out loud, causing everyone to stare. ~

"Please, hurry!" His father shouts to the doctor, who is now scrambling to get everything together. He can't stand seeing Peeta like this anymore. "Please, just bring him anything!"

The doctor rushes back over to the pair with what looks to be a thousand sheets of paper and a couple small pill bottles. "These are for other days. They're strong, so moderate his usage. No more than two tablets a day." He puts the white bottles into Mr. Mellark's shaking hands. "We'd like to put him on an IV for at least part of today so that we can monitor him. Would that be okay?"

"Well, I think he was supposed to shoot propos today...but if it's only for part of the day, then it should be fine. They have to understand, up in HQ. After all, they can't shoot when he's in this condition..." He'll beg Coin to let Peeta stay in the hospital, if he has to. He really doesn't care about the propos at this point. They would just make Peeta even more unstable. "Please, save him." ~

"Please," I cry. "Don't put me under. I don't want it." I don't want to not feel. I wish I could just get away. Be on my own for a while. "I don't want the drugs." I whisper, shaking my head as they put me onto the bed. But I don't fight. That's what got me here. ~

"It's not about what you what," his father says, "it's about what you need."

"He's right." The doctor brings over a machine that has an IV attached to it. "By the sound of it, you need this. At least for a little while, you do. Don't worry...it's not a large enough dose to knock you out completely. Only to ease the pain." Physically and emotionally. ~

"You're lying." I say, looking between the both of them.

_It's not like you haven't lied lately._

"I know you're just putting this in me to get me to stop being so angry and sad so I won't off myself." I mutter.

_They want to help you, you idiot!_

"No one's helping me." ~

"Shh...we're all helping you, Peeta. You'll realize it soon." His father takes deep breaths as to not start tearing up again. Peeta won't ruin his life, if he has anything to do with it.

A few medics strap Peeta's ankles and wrists to the bed so that he can't leave-tightly, but not too much that it will hurt him. Then, the doctor starts cleaning off the needle for good measure and loads a liquid form of morphling into the machine.

"Life won't always be happy...I know, I know, you've had lots of sad...and only some happy. But I saw how happy he makes you. Enough happy to last a lifetime, if you'd let it. Smile because you had him, you always had him...you always will have him. Please, Peeta, be a little bit more reasonable." ~

I glance up at the iv and see the needle. "No!" I struggle against the restraints. No. I hate being tied up like this. All I can think about is the torture. No. No. No. My breathing gets heavier and I start hyperventilating. I'm getting nervous. "Oh god. Oh god." ~

"Peeta, shh...they aren't going to hurt you. They're just numbing the pain." His father pulls up a chair next to Peeta's bed and sits next to him. "I wouldn't let them hurt you."

The doctor sticks Peeta's right arm. ~

"Stop!" I cry out, tears falling down my face. Suddenly, I don't see the hospital anymore. I'm back in that terrible, bright room and Cato's there and they're sticking me with that huge needle filled with tracker jacker venom. "Just set me on fire again, please!" I sob. "I'm begging you!" ~

The doctor had only just turned on the machine when Peeta started yelling. He says, "Just remain calm..."

Mr. Mellark just shakes his head. Neither of them can remain calm at this point. But he persists in trying to get the correct mind frame back. "This is what life is, Peeta...it's living, and getting through it. There are ups and downs, but you have to make it through...you've been through so much and remained strong. It'll get much better if you'd just stick around. I promise you that it'll get better."

The sobbing persists.

He understands what Peeta is saying. "Shh, don't think about that...you have to try to think happy thoughts. You can push those memories away." ~

"No!" I shake violently. "Please, please bring him back!" I cry to the Peacekeepers. "I just want Cato back! Please, no more...no more..." ~

"I-I know you want him back..." His father bites his lip while considering whether or not he should try to bring back delusional Peeta or not. He just wants him to be happy. "Just think of him...think happy thoughts about him, and he'll come back to you. If you let him in, he'll come back." ~

"Not if you keep putting this damn stuff in my body!" They won't stop with the venom. I can feel it pulsing through my blood. "He's gone! Now he won't come back, you've done too much! You damn Capitol people, are you happy now?! Are you fucking happy?" I sob. ~

"Peeta!" That swear is a no-no around the Mellark household...even if this isn't their home. "They're not the Capitol, they're just trying to help..." ~

"You call all these Peacekeepers not the Capitol?! I'm not the crazy one!" ~

"They're from District Thirteen, Peeta!" He cries out. "Take it out of him, please!" ~

I just sit there and sob. "You're horrible... all of you. I hate you." ~

"Take it out! There has to be another way!"

On command, the doctor stops the machine and carefully pulls the needle out of Peeta's arm. "That's supposed to calm him," he says obviously.

"He can't calm down if that's how they tortured him..." He takes a dry tissue from the box on the table and dries off Peeta's sweaty, tear-stained face. "Shh...you're not in the Capitol." ~

My eyes snap open, and I see my dad and immediately go to hug him, but I'm held back by my restraints. As I feel myself pull against them, my heart starts to pound again. "Dad. Dad." ~

"Shh, I'm here! I'm here...stop pulling." He leans down and kisses Peeta's forehead. "You're okay." ~

"Get me out of these, please, please." I'm shaking, looking around to make sure this isn't the Capitol. "We're...we're still in Thirteen, right?" ~

"Yes, everybody here is from Thirteen. We're in District Thirteen...it's just the hospital." He motions for the doctor to at least unstrap the restraints on Peeta's wrists, which he does. "It's not the Capitol...you can sit up." ~

Immediately, I sit up and wrap my arms around him. "You can't let them take me back there, Dad. They took..." And for that time, I had forgotten about everything with Cato. And it came back to me. "Cato. Cato..." ~

"I know." He holds him tightly and strokes the back of his head. That's always calmed him down. "You won't go back there." ~

"Promise?" ~

"Do you promise to behave and not...take your own life?" ~

"That isn't fair." ~

"That's completely fair." He lets go and pulls away, putting his hands firmly on Peeta's shoulders. "There has to be something else worth living for...you just have to find it. Believe me. I've never given you a reason to not trust me. So you have to understand what I'm saying when I tell you there's something else out there." ~

"He was everything, dad. He went out there for me. Us." I can't help but to feel partially responsible. I gave him the okay to go. "Why him?" ~

"He had to leave. He, Johanna, Finnick...they all had to go." He sits back in his seat. "I don't know why, Peeta. He gave it his all so that you can live. I'm sorry, Peeta, I really am..." ~

"But I don't want to live without him." I whisper. ~

"You have to. Sometimes, things like this will happen. You'll just have to go on with life realizing that it can only get better from here." ~

"It could get worse." ~

"How?" ~

I shut my eyes at the thought of such horrible things. "We could lose the war. I could lose you, Finnick, Annie, Haymitch... I could get taken by the Capitol and forced to watch clips of Cato and I for the rest of my life. Forced into some delusion he's alive every night only to wake up and realize he's dead...there are so many ways it could get worse." ~

"That won't happen. I promise it will get better." He turns to the doctor. "Unstrap his legs."

Apprehensively, the doctors bends down and takes the restraints off of Peeta's legs, finally releasing him.

"You can hold me to that." ~

"And you..." I look up at him. "Have no reason to trust me like I do you." I whisper, shaking my head and laying back down. "Just do it. I don't trust myself." ~

"Not the IV. Not here. Come on, I'll take you back up to your room." He holds up the bottles of morphling tablets. "No IV." ~

"How can you trust me to take them?" I wouldn't. ~

"I'll be there to watch you, keep you company. I'll make sure you take them. I'll check underneath your tongue, your upper lip...everywhere, to make sure you took them. Just give it a chance. Give life a chance, Peeta." ~

I look at him apprehensively, but pause before nodding my head slowly. "O..Okay. I'll...try."

Okay life. You've got three weeks of a chance, and if you don't start shaping up, we're through. ~

For the first time all day, a smile spreads across his father's face. "Thank you so much, Peeta. Come on, up up." ~

I reach out for his hands to pull myself off the bed. They're so high that my feet don't touch the ground.

_Not like that's saying anything._

That's my Cato. And I smile. Not because he's gone. Because once upon a time, I had him. ~

A/N: A positive note to end all of this on, right?...Review. xx


	66. Chapter 66

A/N: I'll let you all figure out what POV this chapter's from.

He seems to be getting impatient with me, but too bad. This jacket makes me feel safe. He says, holding his hand out, "Either you toss the jacket, or you toss your life!"

I know Peeta would rather me give up the jacket if it could save my life, so I reluctantly start to unzip the jacket to take it off. "Fine."

"Hurry up, Cato! They could get the bombs any second now to blow us to pieces!"

Knowing that what he's saying is true—they'll bomb the entire room to get us dead, if they get the bombs here in time—I rush to get the jacket off and give it to him, leaving myself in the generic rebel uniform. When he takes it away from me, I ask, "You think we can sneak out those windows behind us?"

"No," he replies, "they'll shoot at us through the window of that door over there. And you see those cameras up there? Even if we managed to get out, they'd see that we left."

"So we just wait here until they either break in or bomb the shit out of us?" Right now, both sound pleasant enough for me. If there's no way to get out, I'd rather just be blasted into a million pieces. As much as I wanted to get back home to Peeta, there's almost a zero percent chance we can get out of this. And now, I'm sorry for everything I ever had to be sorry for. I look at Vince, waiting for an answer, but he's busy putting my jacket and goggles on. "What are you doing?"

"I told you that I would die for this cause," he says, starting to stand up. "I'll distract them. Get out through the window when everyone's too busy paying attention to me, and go as far as you can away from here. You have business to take care of in Two that only you can finish."

"Are you seriously going to…?" I don't even get to finish my thought because he's running out to the center of the room. Then, the shots start firing directly at him. "Shit!" And to make matters worse, I hear a beeping sound in the hallway outside. That could only mean one thing.

I scramble to my feet, still crouching behind the counter, and then I make a run for the window. I'm sure the cameras and Peacekeepers are all concentrated on the guy dying in the middle of the room, so I jump out onto the ledge underneath the window on the outside of the Justice Building. I carefully start easing myself down the side of the building on gutters of some sort, a skill I remember from my childhood, but a rather small quake scares me so much that I let go of my support, sending me down the last twenty feet and into a small pool of water that surrounds the building. Thank you, District Four, for being all about fishing. Justice Buildings in other Districts aren't surrounded by water—the next best thing to land in probably would've been the flower beds of District Eleven.

My clothes are soaked through to my skin, but I don't waste any time with taking them off. I just sprint as fast as I possibly can until I find a somewhat dark, empty alley to hide in. From here, I can just see the large televisions that they keep in the square. What I'm watching is insane; there's fighting all over the place. But I know the Capitol. They wouldn't show this all to people unless they were going somewhere with it.

Sure enough, they skip to the cameras that were in our room. With all the chaos, they aren't able to catch us talking, but they do show Vince running out and getting gunned down. Even with a close-up, you can't see his face clearly because of the huge goggles, but I'm willing to bet anything that he was scared as hell. I'm still confused, though, until they keep repeating the death and the small explosion, and eventually announcing my death.

My death.

They're saying that right now. And it scares me because when they replay the footage, I actually trick myself into thinking I got blown up. But I didn't…it's the jacket. And his hair. And his build. With his face covered, it really does look like I just died.

That's what the Capitol thinks. The Capitol thinks they got me. The entirety of Panem and probably District Thirteen thinks I'm gone. Well, the joke's on them, because I can use this to my advantage now.

But I gotta go. If I stick around, someone could see me, and the whole thing would blow up in my face.

Speaking of things blowing up in my face, just as I'm about to run past the Justice Building, a much larger explosion shakes the ground, blasting a body out of a window higher up. The most disfigured thing I've seen in my life…missing head, part of a leg…most of the skin blown off or melted. And then of course, I see my jacket, in the worst condition it's ever been in. It's still together though, unlike his pants, which are charred all over the place. That jacket was built to withstand conditions like that, after all, which means his chest is probably the only part of him still intact.

So then, I run as fast as possible in the other direction. Soaked clothes. Wobbly feet. Everything on my mind. I'm going to puke if I ever get a chance to rest. I can already hear everybody behind me crowding around the scene, so I guess maybe the battle is over. Or it was temporarily paused to assess the huge blow to our team…which I really don't want to think about right now. I can freak out later.

Because as I'm running, thoughts of Peeta keep flooding into my mind. I hope he didn't see that. _Oh my god, I hope he didn't see that._

Where do I go? Where do I go? Oh god, am I running in circles? Can I even feel my feet anymore? I don't know my way around District Four. Maybe I can ask Finnick.

Except I don't know where he is. Where?

Another large screen answers my question. He's with the other three rebels from our team. They all made it. Thank god. But they're in front of the Justice Building still. Did they win? There was a ceasefire. They're not fighting anymore, and they're not being taken away. Something had to have happened. But the last thing I allow myself to see before running off in another direction is Finnick taking the jacket back.

I don't want to run anymore. But I have to, otherwise I'll die for real, and never see Peeta again. Maybe I can make it back to District Thirteen from here. But how? There's no train. If I go back to find everyone, everyone will find me. And the Capitol will know. They'll know they haven't done me in yet. So as much as I want to go back, there's no way. I'd have to catch a train to the Capitol and then to Twelve, and then walk the entire way back to Thirteen. I am not risking my ass in the Capitol. I've had enough of their shit.

But I find the train tracks and realize which way is which, finally. I'm heading north now. And a little bit to the west. Because I won't try for Thirteen now. It's too far away from here. District Two, I'll go to.

_That's suicide._

I know, Peeta.

_You can't go there._

But I have unfinished business there, apparently. I have to go. There's no other way.

_Please don't leave me._

I would never. I promised I'd get back. And I swear on your life and mine that I'll make it back to you.

So begins the hike to District Two.

I can't walk the entire way. That'll take at least two weeks. I mean, there's nothing in between District Two and District Four, just wilderness...but it'll still take forever. I don't have forever. I'm supposed to spend forever with Peeta. Not running all alone.

Peeta.

Peeta fucking Mellark.

I need to see him. If even on television. I just need confirmation that he's still alive, still sane. Even if he wasn't watching, someone had to have told him. It's all over fucking Panem. He can't not know by now. And I don't want to imagine what he must be like. I can't. I just want to see his face.

Think: How did Peeta get to District Two?

He said to me when he came back in November that he "hasn't had food since District Four." That means it couldn't have taken him too long. He mentioned hovercrafts, trains...and he didn't get caught once. Could I possibly do that?

No, because he looked different. I look like I haven't been touched. Except maybe it looks like I fell into a pool. Because I fucking did. And it's cold, because I'm fucking wet. And alone. With nowhere to go.

Go on a train. Go on a train.

There is no train for me to go on. I remember one leaving for the Capitol before we stormed the Justice Building. I really don't want to walk all the way to Two. But I'll have to.

So, I sneak all the way to the border of the District and look for some way through the fence. Ugh. Maybe I can swim in the ocean? No, I'd never make it that way.

But District Four is fishing. That means they have to have boats here. No-I saw a boat here on the Victory Tour! Maybe I can steal someone's boat. I don't know.

The more time I waste thinking of something to do, the faster they'll catch up to me.

So, I decided to go with the boat idea. Because I refuse to walk home. Home-Thirteen or Home-Two. Whichever. They're both far away.

I walk along the tall, electrified fence and look for the sea. I know it's close. I can smell it. And if this works, I can take up to ten days off my trip. That would be great. Finally, I can see the ocean in the distance. Peeta and I should definitely consider living here after the war.

Peeta...

Anyway, I find some houses that have clothes hanging out on lines. Really nice houses, actually. Identical houses...Victor's Village?

I break into a run and look closely at the houses, finally spotting one that says 'Odair' on the door. _Yes_! Sorry Finnick, but I'll be taking some of your dry clothes. And a boat, if you have one.

I managed to get into his house very easily. You know...after I shot the lock off with my gun. But I think it'll be okay, because I turned on the television when I got in. District Four fell. Most of the victors are probably on the rebel side now because they're close with Finnick, so maybe no one will pay attention to his house being robbed.

Okay, not really robbed...I'm sure he wouldn't mind. It's me. We're buddies.

I take some of the wet clothes out of my backpack and switch them with some of the clothes I found in one of his many closets. Mostly everything is blue or green, but that's okay. It's alright.

And I found a boat, too. It might be his...it might not be, but at this point I really didn't give a shit. So I hopped in and turned that bastard engine on and left.

Smooth sailing. Literally. But it's still cold since it's nighttime and I'm in the ocean now, so I take out one of the stolen jackets and slip it on. Oh god, it's so warm.

On the bad side of things, I have no fucking clue how to steer a boat or anything. They didn't teach this in training. Because who would need to know how to use a boat?

I mentally raise my hand. I need to know how to drive a boat.

So I eventually end up pushing a bunch of buttons that might do good things. One of them actually scares the shit out of me because it makes the boat go faster. Oh, faster is good. Very good. If this lasts forever, then yay.

Every once in a while, I look back at the coastline. The fence doesn't end at the shore. Of course not. That's too easy. It continues going along the land for as far as I can see, so I follow the fence so I don't lose my way, but I don't follow too close. I can't have anyone seeing someone manning a fishing boat alone in the middle of the night in February.

Lucky I filled up on food when I rummaged through his fridge. Because if all I can ever eat is fish, I'll just fucking end it. I hate the smell of fish. The sea is okay, though. Just...not fish.

As I follow along, I wonder what I could have to possibly be doing in Two.

Everything.

My mom. Seeing home again. Bringing down the whole District. Taking all my things back.

Killing my father.

The boat ride is so incredibly boring. So I start humming a tune to a song that Peeta and I came up with one day when we had nothing to do. Something about always being in love. I can't remember any of the words, though-they weren't memorable at all. They kinda sucked, too, but they told how we felt at the moment. Happy.

And I'm happy that I'm alive. And I'm on a boat. And I'll be seeing Peeta soon.

"I'll see you soon," I say in a sing-song voice. Oh my god. I was so confused, and then freaked out, and worried, and now I'm just incredibly happy. And kinda bored, still, but it's a little better thinking about him.

About him. Not his condition right now. That's something I don't ever want to imagine.

I can't wait to see his ridiculous smile again. The biggest one I'll ever see on him, when I get back. He'll be so beyond happy that he'll probably drop to the ground and cry happy tears. As he always does.

"Peeta, Peeta, Peeta." I grin. "I love him."

Then, the boat makes a weird noise and stops.

Goddamn it, you stupid boat, move! Move, move...fuck. It's not going anywhere. Well, it's going wherever the water drifts it. Could be bad, could be good. Not that it matters anymore, because I see a huge brick wall extending into the water. Everything is closed in District Four. Even the water.

Sighing, I take one of the long paddles from the side of the boat and start rowing myself to shore. The fence is still up, so I have to find a way past the electricity. I can climb the fence if the electricity just goes away.

Hmm.

I anchor the boat and dig through my backpack for something. Anything. I find my sword in my pack, and I consider using it to cut through the fence at the corner that meets with the brick wall. Just as I'm about to make the first cut with the sharp blade, a voice in my head stops me. That sword is metal, stupid! Do you want to be electrocuted?!

Ugh. Stupid Capitol and their stupid damned fences!

So I just stand here for the longest time staring out into the wilderness. I need to get out by sunrise. I'm just lucky the rebels captured Four. Otherwise, Peacekeepers would've caught me forever ago.

Then, I take off my boots and remove the rubber soles.

Rubber doesn't conduct electricity, right? Good, because I contort the soles around the hilt of the sword and take a deep breath. I steady my left hand on the wall, holding one of the bricks, and reach over to the fence and start cutting. I can feel the surge of electricity, but it doesn't hurt me. And it's actually cutting through. Thank god.

After cutting for about a half an hour, I finally cut a hole large enough for me to crawl through. And the sun is coming up. Okay, okay, go. Go.

I stable myself on the edge of the boat and climb onto the land and underneath the fence. I'm do close to it because I can hear the humming of it.

I made it pretty far, though. Maybe halfway. Hopefully. So now, I run.

The first thing I do after walking out of eyeshot of the fence is sitting down to eat. I had made sandwiches from whatever good meat Finnick had left in his fridge and freezer, which wasn't very much considering he's been in District Thirteen for a while, but it was still enough. There was also canned food and desserts; I took as much of it as possible.

To congratulate myself on making it this far, I treat myself to a large piece of cake. It isn't as good as Peeta's-then again, nothing ever will be-but it's still good, nonetheless. And it reminds me of him. How he said he's still making the cake even if I don't come back. But I am coming back. So I'll be expecting the best birthday cake ever. And the best birthday ever.

Then, I get on moving again, trying to retain my sense of direction. The only thing that tells me I'm going the right way is the fact that the sun rises in the east, and I'm going northwest. Okay. I can do this.

It's just a bunch of trees. Forever and ever and ever. And I'm looking up at the sky, looking for a hovercraft-hopefully not the Capitol, because they'd kill me or worse-but one from Thirteen. Someone to take me back to Peeta so that I can stop walking. I never want to walk again.

But no one's here to save me. So I keep walking. Running, sometimes. I must've pissed about five times since I left District Thirteen because I only had a few fluids. And I made sure to take water with me before I left Finnick's house because in training many years ago in District Two, they told us never to drink salt water. It just makes you thirstier. So I have lots and lots of bottled water with me, some from the tap, some already bottled. Every ten minutes, I take one sip. I don't know how long these bottles will have to last me for.

But I'll get as far as I can today because I know if I continue into the night, I'll lose my way and end up going in circles. So I need to get as far as possible during the day.

To keep myself occupied, I start singing to myself again. "I'll see you soon."

I need Peeta.

A/N: WELL HOW ABOUT THEM APPLES. xx


	67. Chapter 67

A/N: These next few chapters are dedicated to my little buddy, Matlin. This starts with Peeta's father.

Their hands grasp each other, allowing his father to pull him off the bed and onto his feet. "Was that a smile I saw?" And he begins thinking that maybe Peeta will be better now. The signature Mellark smile. ~

"...Maybe." I look to my father before glancing away. "I just...thought about how I couldn't really get off the bed myself without jumping. Because I'm small. So I thought the bed was big... And...he'd always say things that everything wasn't too big..I was just too small." I think it'll do me good to talk about him. It makes me feel like he's gone less and less. ~

"You're the runt," he says, laughing. "And that's what I've been telling you...think of the good times, and you'll get better." He starts leading him back towards the elevator. "Happy times." ~

I look at my feet as we walk. "I...don't think I'll ever be completely better." I admit. "But I..I have hope that I'll get as close as I can." ~

"You will get close. Don't worry." He pushes the button for the elevator. "You'll realize eventually that this life is worth living out to the natural end," he says, making sure to specify that he doesn't just mean any end. "I haven't known him very long, but I can tell you that I know he'll wait for you." ~

"That's...that's what we both said." But we also said together. Together. I shake the thought out of my head. "He really liked you, you know." ~

"I could tell." He realized that when Cato asked him if he could marry Peeta one day after the war ends. "He's a good kid." ~

"He...He is, isn't he? I tried to tell him that all the time, and he just wouldn't listen." I laugh quietly. "He thought I was some saint. If only he'd see me now." ~

"He was just being modest." He thinks back to watching the Hunger Games on television and talking to Cato during lunch and dinner some days over the past week. "To balance out his cockiness." ~

"But I love his cockiness." I smile a little. ~

Peeta loves everything about him. "You humored him a lot. I don't think anyone else would be able to take such a huge ego like that." The elevator door opens, letting them in. They both push the button for Peeta's floor. "It's interesting, to say the least." ~

"But his ego..." It wasn't real. A lot of it was a front. I remember the times Cato'd freak because he thought I loved him for his looks, and that we was insecure about his personality and mind. "He just never got how perfect he really was." ~

"Maybe he just didn't want to accept that when you kept denying how great you are." He looks down to Peeta and makes eye contact. "Don't think I didn't hear you guys arguing about who's more perfect." ~

I laugh a little. Just like us, really. "We did that a lot. It's just...hard to see those things in yourself. He put me on some pedestal...He didn't know anything about my birthday, no real big details about mom, none of it. And even after I told him...he still thought I was perfect. And I knew he was, too." I pause, biting my lip to stop tears. "I suppose...that's what love is." ~

He nods as the elevator door opens. "That's what it is. And...I think you're both wrong." Laughing, he takes Peeta out of the elevator. "Nobody can be perfect. But you're perfect for each other, which is close enough, isn't it?" ~

It takes every bit of self control I possess to not break down sobbing there and then. "That's more than enough." I whisper. ~

"Oh, more happy thoughts, Peeta." He motions for his son to unlock the door to the room. ~

I hold my arm up, and the door clicks open. "Huh?" ~

"I mean, think happier thoughts. Things that happened that would make you smile again." He holds the door open wider for Peeta to walk in. "It worked before." ~

"Okay, well.." I step through the door, waiting for my dad to come in before closing it behind us. "I...I guess I can tell you what happened last night. When..I tried." Because it was the fact that it made me so happy that made me want to do it. I knew that I'd never be that happy again without him around. ~

He sits down on the edge of the spare bed and takes a deep breath. "Alright...shoot." ~

"Well...before he left...I told Cato about what..what happened the last time. I hadn't even mentioned it before." I sit on our bed and rest my head in my hands as I talk to him. "...But I told him all of it. Every detail." ~

He nods slowly. "The letters." ~

"Mm-hm." I didn't tell him things that would've made him more concerned now. Like that I could probably recite what each of them said, or that all of the blood-stained papers remained in my dresser drawer at home. "And before he went, he...he told me that he had a present for me. For when he was gone. In the bottom drawer. But...I could only look when I really missed him. I wanted to look the first day, for a while...But I didn't know how long I'd have to hold off. So I waited." I pause. "Then...then I found out what happened, so...after you left, I checked the drawer." I motion toward the bottom drawer. "Look." ~

Holding his breath, he bends down and opens the bottom drawer to reveal a bunch of papers, neatly folded and kept in number order. "What are these...?" ~

I can't look at them now. I'll go back to my insanity. Maybe tomorrow, I'll let myself read them again and again. "Just...just look. Read them." ~

Glancing back and forth between the letters and Peeta, he reaches down to take a bundle of them. He sorts through them, confused, but eventually takes out one labeled "18" and opens it.

Dear Shortie,

I'm sick of always having to pick you up when we kiss. Grow a few feet before I get back.

Love, Cato

He takes out number "33" and reads it.

Dear Best Friend,

How fortunate that it turned out I fell in love with my best friend.

Love, your best friend!

He reads "42."

Dear Only True Love,

How extremely lucky was it that I came across you? In the worst of all conditions, too. Damn those Hunger Games. But we both made it out somehow, and we're both safe and with each other. Amazing how the world works.

Love, your always perfect boyfriend

"44."

Dear Forever Lover,

Together, we said.

(If you don't remember where you heard that, look at that drawing I drew you a few days ago! I promise I'll get better at drawing, though.)

But yeah, TOGETHER, SHORT STUFF! YOU AND ME!

Love, catocatocato 3

And he's had enough. "Peeta..." he begins, shuffling all the letters in his hands. ~

"To know I could never have him again was too much. Too much." I bury my face in my hands. "He really, really was perfect. There's forty-eight there. Exactly." ~

"I...I see that...he numbered them," he says, realizing forty-eight were written on purpose. "But this is how you get to remember him. Isn't this a good thing?" ~

"Such a good thing.." I whisper. "That I realized, in a mere moment, how much I needed him. Needed to be with him. That's why I did it." ~

"I don't think he intended for his present to make you kill yourself," he says flatly. "Cato wouldn't want that, and you know it." ~

"Of course I do..." I stare at the papers. "It just hurt. I'd only just found out, and was already in disbelief...and this made me realize that..that he wasn't coming back with the rest of them." ~

"Oh," he says sadly, moving over to sit on the bed next to Peeta, "I'm so sorry, Peeta...I didn't believe it at first either." ~

I just stare at my hands. "I watched them gun him down. I couldn't do anything about it." ~

"No one could. He had no way out." He puts his arm around Peeta's shoulders. "Don't blame yourself." ~

"But they wouldn't send him alone, would they...?" I sigh. "I'll always blame myself, even just a little bit. If I didn't suggest we come here, he'd never have are so many things I did that, if I didn't...he'd be alive. We could both be alive." ~

"They might not have sent him alone. We'll have to ask exactly what happened later...they'll be here soon." He sighs. "People make mistakes. You aren't to blame...he was okay with coming here, wasn't he? And there wasn't anywhere else for you to go. Even he knew District Twelve would be unsafe...isn't that why he asked them to send a team for us?" ~

"I...I guess so." I just want them back. I'm in some form of denial that he's dead. What if he shows up with them? Oh god, I don't even know what to think. ~

"Yeah, so he must've been glad that you mentioned this place. He could've been gone sooner if you hadn't come here...either way, it isn't your fault. You couldn't have known." ~

But then I'd be with him, I think. No. You've got to live. You promised. "I just wish I could have." ~

"Don't regret anything. Haven't I always told you this?" He turns Peeta's head to face him. "Regret anything, and it could've turned out completely different...better to have loved than to have never had the chance, right?" ~

"I..I guess you're right." The more I think about the idea, the more plausible it seems that this is all fake. ~

"You guess?" He laughs. "Be sure that I'm right! Peeta, I'm your father. I know things." ~

"You're right, you're right.." I admit, smiling. He could come home tonight. ~

"I cheered you up?" He smiles with Peeta. That's what makes him happy. "Keep this up, Peeta, and you'll be better soon." ~

Maybe, just maybe, optimism could bring him back. "You did...thanks, dad." I lean against him. ~

He's confused by Peeta's sudden happiness, but he won't question it. "Then...I guess we can save these," he holds up a bottle of morphling, "for another time. Do you need me to stay with you?" ~

"No, I don't think so..." I sigh. "I have to record soon, then Finnick is coming back tonight, so I have a wedding cake to finish for...tomorrow." ~

"Alright." He stands finally and walks over to the door. "But don't think I won't have people checking on you when I'm not around." ~

"I understand." I look at him and wave. "I'm...sorry about this." ~

Sighing, he turns the doorknob and pushes the door open slightly. "Don't be sorry. It's completely understandable. Just...be careful." He waves goodbye before leaving and closing the door. ~

I wait around for a while after my dad has gone. I pack away the letters in the drawer, and lay in bed, trying not to think about Cato or today. I eventually make my way downstairs to the kitchens to begin finishing the cake. I expect to work on it through the night. I didn't think I'd sleep anyway. Then, I go to Portia to prep for the propos tonight.

I tell her not to remove my bandages or remove the wounds. I need then to remind myself of what the Capitol did to him. Though these won't air for a while, I want to record them while the feeling is still fresh and genuine.

After what seems like a million takes, I suddenly get rushed away to go above ground.

The team is already home. ~

A/N: Uh oh. What's gonna happen? :/ Guess you'll find out soon enough!


	68. Chapter 68

A/N: The only reason I'm uploading all this so quickly is because Sam still has to write something so I'm pressuring her. ;D This is Cato.

"We said forever," I sing happily, "and that means forever."

I just want to go back to District Thirteen. I don't even care about what happens back in District Two. Peeta needs to know I'm okay. But I think somewhere, deep down inside, he has to know I'm okay.

I'm alone, but I'm okay.

I'm dead to the world. But I'm okay.

Now, I start seeing animals, meaning I'm getting deeper into the wilderness. I wonder how far off the next District is, whether I'm headed more in the general direction of Two or the Capitol. Please, not near the Capitol. I'd rather go to Two.

That's suicide.

No, going to the Capitol is suicide. I'll be okay in Two. People aren't looking for me.

No one would think to look for me over there. They'd expect me to try to go back to Thirteen.

Once again, it's too far away and I'm lazy and I want this to be over now.

Endless walking. I smell. I'm tired. I'm homesick. Homesick both for my home in District Two and for my home with Peeta. At least I'll be seeing one of those soon, if not the one I prefer more.

What to do when I get to Two? Find out if my mom's still safe? Get my things? Go to the Justice Building?

No, no, that last one is unsafe. Not if my dad's there. I have to kill him separately first. Then, the entire District will have to fall right into my hands. Then the rebels could find out what I did and send backup. And they'll take me home to Peeta so he can smile again.

That fucking smile. I love it.

Running again.

Running. Keep running. Keep going.

But eventually, my feet give out and I collapse into the dirt, scratching my knees on a couple rocks. That's quite alright. I can keep going. I just need to rest for maybe a minute.

I slump against the nearest tree and pull my pant legs up to my mid-thigh to look over my knees. Only one of them is dirty and badly scraped, so I pour a bit of water over the wound and rub it with the sleeve of my borrowed jacket. It'll be fine.

When I feel the wind picking up, I instinctively look up to the sky and see one of the familiar hovercrafts from District Two. Oh, I must be so close!

But I crawl over more into the thick wooded area and hide. If those are Peacekeepers, I don't want them to see me. Don't find me.

So I wait until it passes.

I'll be back soon. I can feel it. Whatever soon is, it isn't too far away.

After my short break and I'm sure there are no more hovercrafts coming, I start walking in the direction the one hovercraft came in. Soon, I'll run again. I can never stop again until tonight.

So, I'm going to my house first if I get there during the day. If at night, then I'll go to my old house and stay there. I just need my father to be not home when I get there. Because then, I'll kill him. If he doesn't come home after a day, I'll go to the Justice Building and kill him there.

He did this to Peeta. He'll pay for that.

How did they bring down District Four?

It's important that I know. They didn't have any bombs. Maybe they took them down when the Peacekeepers were preoccupied with me.

Which means I need a diversion.

No, I'll just kill him first. Come up with some reason for him to come home. Someone's breaking in. Anything.

"I'm going to see Peeta again," I whisper to myself. Just as I thought I'd die...I was given another chance at life. Another chance at him. I will go back, whether it takes a week or a year, and I'll win him back. He came back for me, so I'll go back for him.

Another sip of water. Water is always good. Especially in the company of no one.

"I love you, Peeta." I smile.

I hate the war. I hate the rebellion. I hate District Thirteen.

I hate the Capitol.

And I will destroy everyone in my way to get back to where I belong. In bed with Peeta. Holding hands with Peeta. Spending my life with Peeta.

Running faster.

Before my legs give out again, I sit. I said no stopping, but I need to rest. It's probably about 10:00 in the morning, based on the sun's position in the sky. Keep going.

I have to be getting closer. I have to. I've been running for hours. I haven't slept. I already drove a boat halfway. I think. I hope.

I'll kill him. Not Peeta...my dad. He'll be dead by my birthday. Not Peeta. My dad.

All the trees look the same, but I know I'm getting closer. However long it takes, I'll get there. It's already been a day. A day. Hopefully only a few left. Please, just a few...

Any longer, and I won't be able to go on.

The sun is up high in the sky now. I probably have maybe six hours until nighttime. After all, the sun sets earlier in the winter. So, I can finally get sleep soon.

But all of this walking, running, worrying...it's making me hungry again. This is the last meal of the day. I promise, I tell myself.

So, I eat one of the sandwiches I packed. Chicken.

I have another chicken sandwich with me. I know Peeta also likes chicken, so I want to save it to share with him, but I don't know if I'll make it back to him before it goes bad. I mean, it's in an airtight bag and packed with ice, but I still don't know how much longer it'll stay fresh for.

So, I continue on. The walk from District Twelve to Thirteen wasn't as long as this. District Four just seems so...isolated from the rest of Panem. It's still relatively close to the Capitol, but I think it has the largest stretch of land between it and any other place.

Making me wish I had been sent to the Capitol instead. I would've been in District Two by now.

Eventually, I come across an article of clothing on the ground near a large tree. "What the hell?" I turn my attention to the shredded cloth and pick it up. It looks like a shredded Peacekeeper uniform. This must mean I'm getting close. How close, though? Will I reach it by the end of tomorrow? The next day? Or could this just be very far off from my destination? I guess only time will tell. So keep walking.

I'm just so tired...I haven't slept in over a day...

Don't stop. I need you back.

I'm sorry, Peeta. I'll keep going until nightfall.

Please make it back...I can't live without you.

I know. That's why I'm coming back. I promised.

So I continue on for the rest of the day.

A/N: Uneventful chapter is uneventful. Reviews are nice anyway. xx


	69. Chapter 69

A/N: This chapter is very, very long because I just couldn't break it up. It's just the way things had to be. It starts out with a third person POV from Finnick, really. Enjoy.

The remnants of the originally six-person team step out of the hovercraft to be greeted by a larger group of people. Of course, it's not the entire population of District Thirteen, but it's still a considerable amount of people. Most of the people waiting to welcome them back are other rebel soldiers who will eventually participate in the impending attack on the Capitol. Two of them will likely be replacing the two missing members on the returning team. Others include people in command, family, lovers...

All of them are bruised up, at the least. Johanna suffered a sprained ankle, hence the reason for the delay on leaving District Four.

The last of the four to come out is Finnick Odair, who searches the crowd and immediately rushes over to Annie and Peeta. ~

"Finnick!" Annie cries out, leaping into his arms immediately. I have to smile at their reunion, but I also can't hide the sadness in my eyes. ~

Finnick grips Annie tightly and kisses her. "Yes, I'm back! I missed you!" Suddenly, he pulls away and smiles at her. Not in front of the boy. He turns to Peeta, giving him a somewhat sad look and a pat on the back. "Hi, Peeta..." ~

"Hey." I smile, trying to be reassuring that I don't mind. I put my hand on his shoulder, my right hand. "It's okay. I'm okay." ~

"That's...that's great." He grins, ruffling Peeta's hair in a kid-like manner. "I...I have something for you." He pulls away from the two of them and takes the bag off his back. Laying it on the ground, he unzips it and rummages through to find a black, shredded, charred, bloodied, but still usable jacket. "I think this belongs to you." He hands the jacket to Peeta, "12" side up. "The night before Cato...the night before the attack, he found a note in the left-hand pocket. He said it's the one you wrote him before the Victory Tour. He's kept it there all that time, all those weeks..." He sighs. "Anyway, that night, he wrote a note to you on the back side of it. He wanted one of us to bring it back in case he couldn't come back himself." ~

I take a deep breath and stare at the jacket for a good while. You can do this. You were good moments ago.

But he's not coming back with them.

That's the realization I have as I take the jacket, our jacket, from Finnick and pull it over my clothes from the propos, clutching the piece of paper in the left hand pocket. "Th...thanks." I whisper, trying to keep face. ~

"I'm really sorry..." he says, scratching the back of his head. "He...just wanted one of us to bring that back to you, since it was yours-both of yours, I suppose."

The crowd begins dispersing, as everybody was ordered to go back inside.

Finnick takes Annie's hand and looks back to Peeta. "We should be getting back inside now...if you want to be alone, we understand, but we wouldn't object to you staying with us for a while. Whatever you need, the both of us are there for you." ~

I see Annie look at me and nod. "Just...give me a minute to..to look at this, and I'll be right up with you, okay?" I don't know if I'll want to be by myself after I've read this. After what he wrote the last time, and what I did...I don't know if that'll be wise. ~

"Alright," he says, waving goodbye and starting to walk back to his and Annie's room. "See you." ~

I walk over to one of the walls, lean against it and allow myself to slide to the floor, pulling the familiar piece of paper out of my pocket. I give myself a minute to breathe and cry quietly, realizing this is the last thing I'll hear from my Cato. "Okay, love..." I whisper. "Let's see what you've got here." My shaking hands slowly unfold, and I see the ever-so familiar handwriting, causing me to smile and cry harder all at once. I take a deep breath, swallow hard, and read.

My wonderful fiance Peeta,

This is probably the hardest thing I'll ever have to write, whether you'll end up reading it or not. But, if you are reading this, that probably means I'm not coming back ever. I promised I would, and I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry for not giving you a proper goodbye. I'm just going to write this to tell you all the things I never got to say.

I'm so incredibly sorry for all those fights we had. We had so many over the past couple weeks. That one when I came back from the Victory Tour, the one that could've happened when I rescued you from the Capitol, the one the first night in Thirteen...and the one before I left. The morning I broke your wrist and broke your heart all in one shot. I'll never forgive myself for wasting all that time starting fights with you. Maybe I was just afraid that I'd do something stupid to make you regret being with me, so I'd rather end it first...but never again. Never again will I hurt you like that. Not because I won't be there to do it...but even if I were there, I wouldn't. I couldn't.

Okay, another one. I should've said goodbye to you. I just thought I'd be back, and then now I'm writing this all because I realized it's possible I won't be back. I shouldn't have promised I would be back. Like you said...there was no way I had control over that. I just thought I had this feeling inside of me that knew I'd be back. But I guess in a way I would never break that promise...even if I'm gone physically, I'll always come back to you. You just wait there, Peeta Bread.

Everything I love about you: your face, your voice, your baking, your painting, your touch, your corny little jokes, your love for me, your strength (No matter how much you deny it, you're strong. I believe in you.), your trust in me, your kisses, your laugh, your everything...

And the fact that you're finally making me believe in a stupid little thing called love.

And now that I'm gone, and I'm running out of space on this paper to write things...I just want to make sure you're keeping your promise to me. I understand if you'd want to off yourself, but...don't break your promise to me. I'm not breaking mine to you. I'll follow you until the day you die (which better not be soon!) and I want you to keep it, okay? Remember, you said you'd be strong and make it past the three months. You said that you'd make Panem a better place for me. You know, no Games. No poor Districts. A generally better place for everyone. Then you can live...even if I can't. Please, please don't break your promise. I'm begging you. Don't you dare leave this world. You have so much to offer. My time has come and passed. You made it out of the Games alive for a reason. Please, don't throw it away. I love you and I don't want to see you dead again. Just...don't.

Well, Lover Boy, I guess this is farewell. We'll miss each other until the time comes, I know, but believe me...after a while, the time passes quickly. I'm sorry, again.

'Stop saying sorry,' we'd always tell each other. But I can't stop. We'll always be sorry to each other for everything.

Goodbye, Peeta Mellark.

Love, I still consider us married, Cato

I quickly pull the paper out from under my face, because I watch the words get muddled up in my tears. Oh god, I need him now. I need him more than ever. But...I cannot break my promise to him. Not now. I don't know what to think. What to feel. Oh, I love him. I love him so much, it hurts. I sob until I feel as if all of the tears in my body have dried out, and my chest hurts from all of the heaving. I look up into the empty room, hoping that he'd be there. Even if only in my mind.

But the room is just that. Empty.

He's even gone in my mind. I clutch onto the paper as if it's him. That if I let it go, I'll lose him forever. Though that doesn't mean much. Because he is gone. I stand, my footsteps making noise in the silence. I head upstairs towards Finnick and Annie's room, sticking the paper back in my pocket before I knock on the door. ~

The door opens, revealing Finnick in the doorway and Annie sitting on their bed. "Hi, Peeta..." they both say. ~

"Hi.." I give a small wave, stepping in a bit and closing the door behind me. I don't really know what to say at first, so I just awkwardly sit in the chair. ~

"How are you holding up, kid?" Finnick asks, sitting on the bed next to Annie. ~

I look down at my wrist. "Not so great." I admit. They kept what I did on the down low. I'm the head of this whole thing. If everyone knows I wanted to kill myself, it could cause everything to come crashing down all at once. ~

"It gets better." He shrugs. There isn't much to be said. Just sitting in silence with a few friends is enough, sometimes. Then, after a few minutes, he says, "He really loved you. He wants to make sure you know that." ~

"He still does." I whisper. "I know it..." I squeeze my wrist, wincing a bit. "I'm more sure of it now than ever." I smile a little at him, and see Annie smile back with a bit of concern. ~

While Annie continues fidgeting with her hands and giving reassuring but worrisome smiles, Finnick thinks of other things to break the god awful silence. "He um...couldn't handle himself with that note, whatever it said. He cried himself to sleep that night, and didn't even wake up until it was time to leave. He really had some trouble with it." ~

I can't hear that. The one person I saw as a rock, someone to depend on, lean on, completely broken over this. "I...I bet." I shut my eyes. "Can we talk about something else?" ~

"Anything you want to talk about." ~

"What about..." I sigh, looking around for some sort of conversation. "Tomorrow?" ~

"The wedding?" He asks hesitantly, wondering if Peeta really wants to talk about weddings and love at a time like this. "Tomorrow, then." ~

"Mm-hm." I look at him hopefully. "I mean...I know we both just loved seeing you two happy. You both make me happy. So why not?" I make sure not to mention the cake. Annie promised I'd keep it a secret from him, and she won't get to see it at all now until I've finished. ~

"Thanks," he laughs a little bit, "why not?" He looks up to the ceiling in thought. "They have this one, large room on...the fifteenth floor, I think. Everybody's working tomorrow to get that all ready for us." ~

"It really is amazing how everyone'll work together for something like this." I smile, pulling up my legs to fold them underneath me. "It's something wonderful." ~

"It is..." He looks lovingly to Annie and squeezes her hand. "You should help out too. Annie tells me you like art. Maybe you could brighten up the place." ~

I quickly look at Annie and smile. "Don't you worry. What do you think I've been doing in my spare time?" I'm able to keep a poker face, but she breaks into a fit of giggles. Okay love, you may call me a girl, but I'm not quite that bad. I think to myself, smiling inwardly. ~

"...Shooting propos." He laughs with her. ~

"...No." I smile slyly. "Though that's distracted me from what I've been trying to do." ~

"What have you been trying to do?!" He stands excitedly. "Tell." ~

"Nope. I've been sworn to secrecy." I laugh, shutting my mouth, nodding to Annie. ~

"Hmm." Finnick looks down at the floor, then comes back up with a sneaky look on his face. "If you tell me, I'll give you a sugar cube. I'm sure a baker like you loves those." He winks, thinking he finally got it. ~

"Definitely not. I'm around sugar so much, I could throw up eating it straight." I smile. He doesn't know how Cato was stubborn with bargaining. I could do this all day. ~

He groans in defeat. "Fiiiiiine...keep it a surprise. I like surprises." He leans to the side and kisses the top of Annie's head. "Surprises just like Annie." ~

"I'm not used to people giving up that easily!" I laugh, surprised. "Cato was so damn stubborn, we'd go at things all day." Just mentioning him casually in conversation is good. I have to be able to do this. I can't not talk about him for the rest of my life. ~

"Well, he seems like such a pry into your life!" He laughs. "I don't think he liked surprises, did he? Always wanted to know everything?" ~

"Well, that's because we both had pretty hefty secrets, so we tried not to keep anything from each other." ~

"I see. That's always good, you know. It's bad to keep things to yourself sometimes." ~

"I've learned that lately. Hiding things...just allows them to fester." I flex my right hand with the bandages, which had started to fall asleep. I see Annie take Finnick's hand and squeeze it. They had their secrets, too. But they told. Finnick told the world about what the Capitol did to him. He was so much stronger than most of us. ~

Finnick takes notice of the bandages, but he doesn't ask. If Peeta wanted to talk about it, he would eventually. Just not now. "That's right." ~

"Like me." I smile a bit. "Tell me, knowing me-what do you think of me? About me? The last things you'd think I'd do?" ~

"What do I think of you?" He raises an eyebrow. "You're a good kid." ~

"I mean," I laugh. "If you knew nothing about me-which really, you don't-what would you think I was like as a kid? Things like that. Your first impressions, assumptions, those things." ~

"You're still a kid," he laughs, "but okay. I'd think...hm...that you're just looking for something to do with your life. A purpose, you know. And I'd probably assume that you're always smiley. Every time I see you, you're smiling or laughing." ~

"Well," I smile, looking him in the eyes. "You're completely wrong." I laugh quietly. "Completely." ~

"Oh..." Finnick breaks eye contact with him and looks elsewhere. At the door, the ceiling, the floor, the walls, the bed-anywhere. "Well, this is a bit awkward now." ~

"Not awkward, I'm just saying." I lean back a bit. "We've all got our secrets and things we hide." I take a deep breath. ~

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." ~

"I wouldn't bring it up if I didn't trust you both enough to tell you about it." It's true. And my dad knows I'm close with them. So questions would be asked if he asked them to 'keep and eye on me'. Might as well. ~

"Alright," he sighs, kicking off his shoes, "go for it." ~

"I'll start from the most recent, then. Try to not start out so shocking." I laugh a bit. I'm trying to laugh about these things, or I'll never get over them. "I was in the hospital this morning." ~

"Why?" He asks, looking at the bandages. "What happened...there?" He points to Peeta's arm. ~

"Well," I pause. "Before I tell you, I want you to at least promise you'll try not to think of me differently. I mean, you will, there's no stopping it, but...it'll make me feel better if I know you're at least trying." ~

"You are who you are, Peeta. If we're okay with you now, nothing will change that," he says honestly. "Go on. Promise." ~

"My dad took me in against my wishes to put me on morphling," I swallow. "Because I tried to kill myself last night. And threatened to slit my throat, to his face, this afternoon." I shut my eyes, waiting for some response. ~

That leaves Finnick's mouth gaping, and Annie puts her head down facing the floor in silence. After the initial shock at Peeta's bluntness, he says, "Was it because of...yesterday?" ~

"Mm-hm." I say, biting my lip. "I'm kind of screwed up in a couple ways." I shake my head. "But then again, I have been for a while. But I was able to suppress most of it until last night." ~

"Everyone's a little screwed up...they all just handle it differently. So...what happened then? How did you stop it?" ~

"I...I didn't. He did. I've been seeing him. Since that happened." ~

He closes his mouth finally and begins looking all over the room. "Do you...see him now?" ~

"No," I start, opening my eyes. "Not since I finished his letter." ~

The couple nods. Finnick says, "How did he stop you?" ~

"Well...I promised him before he left if anything happened, I'd at least try to live another three months. Because that's about how long he lasted before I showed up after the Games." ~

"Yes, we're familiar with your return...so, you talked to him?" ~

"Often. He just...seemed so real." I look away. "I mean, he knew everything about me I'd told him. He knew my tendencies. He knew what I was thinking...everything. So I knew I had to be insane." ~

"Was it a ghost, or just your mind?" He asks. "You might be less insane than you think. Actually, that isn't really insane at all...either way, he's just looking out for you. It's normal for you to think of him now." ~

"But I touched him. Held his hands." I sigh. "You don't have to justify me, Finnick. I've been through enough in my life that I'd really be surprised if I weren't crazy." ~

"It's just a coping mechanism," he tries reasoning. "Crazy isn't necessarily bad." ~

"Never said it was. But I definitely am. I've got a history." I explain. Leaving anything out'll just make things worse. No hiding. No secrets. ~

"That's...that's alright. We're here to listen. Go on." ~

"I really wasn't a smiley kid. I mean, after a while, I was...but it was all for show. I pretended to be above everything that happened. So I didn't seem weak. But really, everyone in District Twelve hated me. Everyone." ~

He doesn't ask how sure Peeta is that he was hated. He can see it in his eyes that he's positive. "Then what happened?" ~

"That was for as long as I could remember. And I couldn't even rest at home, because my mom hated me, too." I look up at the two of them. "She beats me. Sometimes to the brink of death." I make sure I emphasize beats. Because it hasn't stopped. Up until the day Cato left. To put it in the past tense would be a lie. "And..when I was little, I didn't understand why. I knew when I was older that she suspected I...liked guys, but my dad was the only person I had." ~

"Your dad is a smart man." He pauses. "Why is she around?" ~

"I wonder the same thing every day." ~

"And no one tried putting her in her place?" ~

"My father objects to violence," I say. "And I wouldn't let Cato do anything. I didn't want him to. Things were just...better with him around. So I dealt." ~

He nods. "Okay, alright...so, what happened next?" ~

Then, I look him right in the eyes, clasping my hands together, and tell him the story of my sixteenth birthday; from start to finish. Every detail. ~

Annie cries the entire way through the story, barely being able to stop even with Finnick's comfort. "How are people even that terrible? And you didn't do anything to them prior?" ~

"I hadn't even spoken to most of them before." ~

"Then they don't deserve your thoughts, your memories. They're worth nothing." ~

"No...No, I suppose not." I look at the ceiling. "But after I told him, he wrote me 48 love letters and left them in the bottom drawer of our dresser. I didn't even look at them or know about them until he was gone...just that something was there." ~

He pieces all the information together and concludes, "So you read them right before you did that?" ~

"Exactly." ~

"That's...intense." He sighs. ~

"I've got my crazies like everyone else around here. And maybe I'm just so lost because he got it. And even though, my whole life, everything went wrong, he was just...right." ~

Annie nods vigorously and finally says something, even if it's quietly, "I get it." ~

My eyes go back to Annie. "Yeah?" She's got her own issues. Sweetest girl I've ever met. ~

"Everything is wrong, but then you get something right." She squeezes Finnick's hand and taps her feet a little bit. "I get that."

"But you can't give up, right? If you lose something like that," Finnick asks. "The feeling of losing the only thing you think is right is...quite possibly the worst feeling in the world." ~

"As much as you want to...no, you can't." I say, partially to him and partially to myself. "It..." I choke. "It is the worst feeling I've ever experienced. In one moment, I wanted to throw up, sob, pass out, and die. But...you've got to go on." ~

They both nod slowly, not wanting to get into that. "You think everything is over, when it happens," Finnick says, "but things fall into place eventually." ~

"And until then...I distract myself." I give a small, Mellark grin. "With happier things." ~

"Distractions help, yeah. That's the best temporary..." He stares at the blank wall behind Peeta before looking back. "Sorry, I zoned out a bit, thinking. What was I saying?" ~

Huh? "Um...the best temporary..?" ~

"Best temporary fix," he finishes. ~

"But...eventually it'll go away and...and I'll just be numb." ~

"I suppose so," he sighs, narrowing his eyes in thought. "Listen, about yesterday morning...something felt off. I just don't remember what it was. I was trying to think of it, but it just didn't come." ~

"But...what do you mean, off?" ~

"Something didn't seem right about it. It could've been something important, but I usually don't let things like that slip my mind. So it probably wasn't something big, but I just thought you should know..." ~

"I guess..." I look up at him. "But...when? With Cato?" ~

"Mhm," he nods. "Before we went to leave, and get the jacket...oh." ~

"...oh?" ~

"Like I was thinking, it's not something incredibly huge. It's still a little odd, though. The night we left, he was telling us a lot about you two. Well, more to me than anyone else, really, but he went on and on about little things that reminded him of you. Things like that." ~

"Like...like he knew he was going to die?" Oh god. ~

"I don't think he knew he would. He mentioned that it was a possibility, though, so he ran me through his good luck routine." Finnick looks down at Peeta's feet for confirmation. "He said you guys both double-knotted your laces." ~

"Yup." I glance down at my shoes. "We're both clumsy fools." ~

"I thought it was weird that when I picked up the jacket for you, the laces were single-knotted instead." ~

"...What?" He wouldn't. ~

"Like I said, it wasn't something really huge or important. Just...weird." He thinks for a second. "Isn't he right-handed?" ~

"Mmhmm." I nod. What's he getting at? Finnick... ~

"Everything was reversed..." he trails off. "If I remember correctly, that is. Everything that should've been on his right side was on the left, and vice versa...unless I was looking wrong?" Finnick puts his hand up and turns it so that his palm is facing him, examining how his hand turns. "No, that was it." He faces his left palm away from him and just puts up his index finger. "This finger's on the right, turn it to face me..." he turns his hand, "now it's on my left, but still right relative to...am I right?" he asks, putting his hand down. "So then it's like everything was on wrong. As if it were for lefties instead of righties. You get what I'm saying, right?" ~

"I do...but why does that even matter?" My heart is pounding. Maybe...maybe... No. Don't do that to yourself, Peeta. ~

"Because it shouldn't have been like that...I'm not saying it matters, it's just weird-" He stops short. No, it's a little too weird. "His bag." ~

"What?!" I rush out. "Finnick, stop talking in riddles!" ~

"I'm sorry! Everything's just coming to me now, I'm not doing it on purpose!" he defends himself. "We took the personal pack with us too. It wasn't his bag. I don't know why, I wouldn't know why, so don't freak out thinking I know something that you don't...I'm just thinking aloud." ~

"But...what are you even thinking about?" ~

"I don't know what I'm thinking about." He wouldn't want to get Peeta's hopes up only to drop them. Because the chances of what he's thinking are extremely slim, though possible. And it's something for the kid to work off of. "Listen, Peeta. I'm the only one who noticed. You can't go around telling people this, okay?" ~

"Why does it matter?" Now I'm scared and confused. "He's dead, Finnick!" I stand. "He's...dead." Oh god. He's dead. ~

"Shh...sit down, Peeta." He's beginning to regret what he just told him, but he can't exactly turn back. "It doesn't make sense in my mind either way, whether he's dead or not...neither ways make sense to me. All I'm saying is, it seemed like that wasn't even him that was blasted out the window." ~

"I saw it happen, Finnick...I saw it happen live on television." I see his face is worried, so I sit. "It doesn't make sense, but...I watched it. I watched him get shot and blown up." ~

"Peeta, I was there. I watched it in person." He bites his bottom lip.

Annie squeezes his hand tighter. "Finnick..."

"I'm just saying that I've seen Capitol television, and it deceives you. They cut things out, edit, add things...it lies, sometimes." ~

"Are you trying to suggest to me that he's alive, Finnick? Because I've been trying to tell you that I'm not stable and I definitely can't handle that." ~

"I didn't want to get your hopes up, but...I thought you needed a little hope to get by. I'm not suggesting that he's definitely alive, but..." he sighs.

"Anything's possible?" Annie asks quietly. ~

"I really wish you were right...but...in my life, I've learned it's better not to be hopeful. Because get your hopes up...and they're always crushed. Without fail." I pull up my knees towards me. ~

"I'm sorry I mentioned it, Peeta. I just don't take things without hard evidence, and I thought it might brighten you up a little, to keep going. It just...doesn't make sense." ~

"Just...forget it." ~

"But..." Finnick shakes his head. "Sorry. I won't bring it up again." ~

I break eye contact with him. "Yeah. Thanks." ~

"I shouldn't have said it in the first place. I had no idea you guys were so different, and I might've expected a different reaction..." He pauses, thinking of changing the topic. "So...you'll be very busy, won't you?" ~

"With what..?" ~

"Everything." ~

"Propos, speeches, tomorrow, my family..." He's right. I'm swamped. But there's something I've got to do. ~

"Well, whenever I'm here...we're willing to help out with anything." ~

"I appreciate it, really. Just...some things, I've got to do alone." ~

"That's okay. But we're here for you," he smiles. ~

"Thanks..." I stare at my wrist for a moment. "Uhm...can I ask an odd question?" ~

"Of course." ~

I shut my eyes. "Did...did they bring him back?" I can't not see. I can't not say goodbye. ~

He nods, but realizes Peeta can't see him. "Yes, but..." He glances from Annie to Peeta, sighing. "All...remains from battle go straight to Coin and get locked up." ~

"I..." I swallow with some difficulty. "I want to see. At least...have a goodbye. Something." Maybe then, I'll have some sense of closure. Right now, I just have an empty gap where my heart should be. ~

"I don't think anyone's allowed to see. You can ask, but I'm pretty sure it's classified." ~

"Even...Even in a coffin or casket or something, I don't have to, I just...They have to understand." I squeeze my hands together. "I was going to marry him." This can't be it. ~

Finnick's jaw drops. "You were?" ~

Just thinking about that wedding that's never going to happen gets me crying again, pulling my head in between my knees. "Mmhmm..." I cry. "Not soon, just...we talked about it the day he left. H..he even asked my dad and everything." ~

Annie takes the tissue box from the nightstand and hands it to Peeta in silence.

"Oh...If you want, I can try to convince Coin to let you go see first thing in the morning, though...are you sure you want your last thought to be a casket instead of a wedding?" ~

"My last thought was-oh, I wish we'd said goodbye." I take the tissues from Annie. "Now all I can think about was that I won't get that day. So...I just want to say goodbye, so I can move on to happier things. Like how happy your happiness makes me." I open my eyes and give them both a genuine smile. "It means so much to me that you sit here and listen to me...I must be a real downer." ~

"You have to vent somehow to someone, don't you? Of course we're here for you." ~

"And he would've wanted tomorrow to be perfect for you both." ~

"Well, if our happiness makes you happy, then I'm sure he'd want tomorrow to be perfect for us." He pauses. "For the three of us, even. The long road to recovery." ~

"I'll be sure of it." I give Annie a knowing smile. "I'll leave you two alone, then... I've got things to do." ~

"You'll be okay alone?" ~

"I'm just right next door." We are. ~

"Alright," he smiles, "drop by any time." ~

"Will do." I stand. "Thanks a bunch. If you need me...Annie knows where to find me." ~

"And you know where to find us." Finnick stands and walks over to the door. "Goodbye, Peeta." He gives a sympathetic smile as he opens the door for him. ~

"Bye, Finnick." I grin a little and give them a wave. "Bye, Annie." ~

"Oh," Annie looks up from the floor. "Bye, Peeta." ~

"You okay?" I ask quickly before I go. ~

She nods, smiling, "Mhm. You okay?" ~

"I...I will be." Maybe, someday. ~

"Good," Finnick sighs. "You should probably rest up soon. It's been a long day for all of us." ~

"Well...rest then. I'll leave you be." ~

"Don't be a stranger. You're our favorite neighbor." ~

"I appreciate it," I laugh, giving one last wave before heading over into my room. The room is quiet. Far too quiet for my taste. The thing that still destroys my heart is the small circle in the blanket of the other cot we never used. It's where he sat when we fought, when he went over to the other bed. He stayed there. I never touched it again. The bed was still made... It's like he sat there moments earlier. My first instinct is to wipe it away to smooth out the cloth...but I can't bring myself to do it. For a while, I just kneel by the bed and rest my head there, to see if any of him warmth is left there.

Of course, it isn't.

He's dead.

He has no more warmth to give.

I give myself some time to cry again, and reread his letter. Even his handwriting makes me smile, because it's so him. Messy, but legible. And just...right. That boy was perfect. Perfect, I swear. So I cry for him, for us, for his mom...for everything. But I don't take too long. I have a cake to finish for tomorrow. And it has to be extraordinary.

The day goes by quickly while I work. It always does when I'm baking. Because when I bake, I just stop thinking. I turn the cake into something beautiful and blue, with accents of gold for the beaches and sands and seas of Four. Annie said Finnick would love that. I know she would, too.

Time feels like nothing without Cato here. I'm numb.

I don't sleep that night. At some point early in the morning, though, Finnick knocks on the door to tell me I'm allowed my goodbye. I don't have much time-both because they'll only give me so much time, but also because I have to start getting ready for the wedding this afternoon. And so I head downstairs, alone, to say goodbye to that handsome, charming bastard of a Career that I loved so much.

The room is empty aside from the simple, wood coffin. It's better this way.

"So...it's just you and me, now." I say, stepping through the door. "Always was, you'd say." I laugh a little, already getting a little filled up. "I...wish we'd gotten this goodbye on better terms, love. I mean...without it just..being...me. Saying goodbye." Oh god. "But...here I am. I did say I'd follow you forever. They didn't want to let me come here, y'know. Finnick told me. But...he convinced them. He's a nice guy. He gave me your letter," I pull it out of my pocket, and go over to sit by the coffin on the ground. "You know just what to say to make me cry my eyes out. But...at the same time, you never did like seeing me cry. So I'll try not to, now. And I'll fail, too." I already have. "T..this is it. I figured I'd start this out...by responding to your last letter. So, first things first," I look at the paper in my hand. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that we ever fought. I hate fighting with you. It's just...just a waste of time. And a lot of it is my fault, for being so overly sensitive. And I want to apologize for that, but I know you like me the way I am, and you don't like me saying sorry so much. So...I'm just sorry for it all. Then...Then, for this goodbye. It...it works out better this way, I think. I wish we'd gotten a goodbye...but if we had, then I would've been sure you weren't coming back. And...now that I know you're not, there's so much more I always wanted to say. So much more I wanted of you, with you...That we won't get. I...I told you I needed you, and I'm realizing that now more than ever. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I tried, even though you asked me not to. I wish I hadn't, and I wish you hadn't asked me to wait three months. I...I can't make it that long without you, Cato. I just can't. I...I hope you'll be able to forgive me for it, when we see each other again." I cough a bit from my crying before starting up again. "I hope I'm able to do everything I promised you before I leave to see you again. I hope we win the war. I hope no one has to get hurt like you did. No one has to lose the people they care about most because of some stupid fighting, or the stupid Hunger Games. Maybe...Maybe you're right. Your time has passed. But...I don't want my time to be without you. When we said it was always going to be you and I...we never thought about this. Now it's just me here. And...I miss you. Oh god, Cato, I miss you. I promised I'd follow you forever, and I will now, too. I'm all alone until then. You...you said you're in my heart. But...why do I feel so useless and empty now that you've gone? I don't even know what to do with myself." I push his letter back into my pocket. "You remember...my birthday, last November. When I came back to you? In the note you wrote me that day...you said you'd be my Lover Boy if I'd be yours. I hope the offer still stands." I whisper, carefully placing a shaking hand on the wood. "I wish we had more time. Ours...Yours...was far too short. But..I still consider us married, too. We were closer than most married couples ever get. And...now you're gone. I wanted so much for us. You can't be gone." My head follows, just leaning on the casket as I sob. "We still have to get married. Have a place to call our own. Have a family. Make more memories, see more places...Sure, this war is gonna make the world a better place. But I don't want to live there without you. It isn't a better place without you. Even if the Games are gone, and the Capitol falls...the world's a much darker place from now on, because you're not in it. You took my life and changed it completely for the better. And...now I'm back where I began. It's just me." I bite my lip. "I had so much more I wanted to say, love. So many things left unsaid. But...I guess this is goodbye. Farewell." I pause. "No. No, it can't be goodbye." I shut my eyes and raise myself to a kneeling position. "See you soon, love." And I kiss the lid, getting to my feet, and walking out the door, taking just one moment to look back at the love of my life.

The time just seems like nothing after that. The wedding was beautiful...Finnick seemed so excited over the cake. They're so happy together, I can't help smiling at their joy. Because that's two people in love right there. But once that's over...I find myself just...stopping caring about everything.

Daily, I shoot propos, make speeches, visit my family and friends, then cry myself to sleep without fail. I find the time to talk to my brothers more, now...it's nice. They can stand to hear me talk about Cato for hours on end. And I really need that, now. It's nice reminiscing, too. About the old times. They were never really bad. But as we got older, I just felt like they became less and less on my side. It's always good to make amends.

My mother still beats me when I refuse as she tells me to move on and get a girlfriend. It doesn't work like that. It just doesn't. I'll never love again. For as long or short as I live, I won't love anyone who isn't Cato. And even if I did, mom, it wouldn't be a girl. I take the beatings, because there's just nothing I can do anymore. No one to protect me. Portia fixes everything up, anyway. Doesn't make me any less achy or sore, but no one asks questions. It's better this way.

About two weeks in, they tell us they've sent the team to start taking the Capitol. It's going to be a long battle, but they think we can do it at this point. I think so, too. We have most of the country on our side, now. Cato's death got people even angrier-the Capitol prized him, then destroyed him in a matter of months. Tell me about it.

A few days into that week, they tell us we have to start packing. They're moving us out into the Capitol. There's a stable, safe section of town that we can stay in. The war's going to be over any day now, Coin says. They've even taken down the Nut, which holds a lot of Peacekeepers. Someone's even telling me the Head Peacekeeper in Two was killed. Cato's father. When they invaded. It's all falling apart, their regime. Just like Cato would've wanted.

I take the time to pack all my clothes, and our black jacket. The other one is back in Two. Maybe someone'll go get it, when this is over. But when this is over, the only two people who'll know about that jacket'll both be six feet under. So nevermind. Sorry, black jacket. You won't see your partner again. I make sure to take all our things...still leaving the other bed untouched. There's one thing I can't leave behind, though. I need something of his. A piece of clothing. Anything. I open up his drawer. It's like he never left. A total mess. I reach in to take something...But I can't. It'll be clean, then. Different than he left it.

I'll just take the drawer. They'll have to deal with it.

And so, Finnick, Annie, Johanna, and the other Victors make our way to the Capitol to live. Haymitch asked if I'd rather have a place with my family or on my own. I said on my own. It'd be easier that way. I don't want my dad having to find me again. Or having to deal with my mom's ranting and beating for the last of my days. I only have a little over a week left. I just want to be left alone. Under my dad's request, though, I'm in a house next to Finnick and Annie. Okay. That, I can deal with. They stop over and visit sometimes, too.

But the house is too big and lonely, and far too close to what Cato and I wanted together to ever make me content in the slightest. So, for the week and a half, I just mope around. Eat. Cry. Sleep. I try to avoid television, because all I see is myself and I'm sick of it. I still have to shoot things. But I'm numb to the process now. Only a little while longer. Then, I'll see you, love.

The day before his birthday comes, and I find myself facing an extreme irony. They say that the Capitol is going to give up tomorrow. Raise the white flag. Give the power over to us. On his birthday. He would've loved that, I'm sure. I love it, too. But I won't see it. I've already resolved to this. There's a note I wrote and everything. I kept it in my back pocket, so they'd find it when they found me. It's a sorry and stuff to my dad and brothers, with little notes to Finnick, Annie, and Haymitch. They made the last few weeks bearable, I said...But now it was time for me to be with Cato again.

I went downstairs that morning to grab one of the knives from the kitchen and sat up on the large bed alone, just staring at my reflection in it for a while. My eyes were swollen and pink from crying so much. But...no more crying, Peeta. It's over now. I can't even allow myself to speak. I think a silent apology to Cato once more for not waiting before making one cut.

But it doesn't feel good like I want it to. It just hurts. Oh god, it just hurts.

That's the moment when I know this is wrong. That I can't die now. That I have to stop. But it won't stop bleeding. So I panic. I need help. I cut too deep. No, no, no. Help. Someone. Please. Who's around? Who can come help? I need to stop this bleeding.

"Finnick!" I cry, hoping that he...or someone, anyone can hear me. "Help!" ~

Peeta's cry for help is audible to his next-door neighbor only because Finnick was near an open window. He and Annie were told to expect something of the sort, and to be prepared for when it inevitably happened. So, at the sound of his calls, Finnick runs out the nearest door and to the front door of Peeta's luxurious, lonely, new home. The cries from the upstairs windows continue as he frantically searches for the key that he received in case the younger boy needed any 'special help.' "Aha," he says, sticking the key into the doorknob and pushing the door open. "Peeta! Where are you?" ~

Thank god. "Upstairs, my room!" I call down. I mentally thank my father for giving Finnick a key. ~

He runs up the stairs, skipping one or two at a time, and pushes the bedroom door open. "Peeta," he sighs, running over to take the knife away. "Is this the only one you have? Or are there more?" ~

"Knives or cuts...? I...I stopped because it hurt and Finnick it won't stop bleeding make it stop." I beg. ~

"Knives, cuts...both," he rushes out, looking around for something to stop the bleeding. His eyes land on a nearby box of tissues, which he pulls about ten, mint green tissues out of. "Well! What is it, then?" He presses the clump of tissues to the open wound. "Hold those there while I find bandages in your bathroom. Don't you dare take them off, you." ~

"I won't," I insist, pressing on the tissues with hope they'll help stop the pain. "It's obviously not the only knife in the house, but this is the only cut, I promise." One was too much. ~

"It's the only knife you have up here?" he calls out as he leaves the room. "No knives, scissors, anything sharp near you? Don't touch!" He practically tears apart the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, sending several bottles of morphling pills crashing to the floor, and finds a large roll of gauze and a tub of disinfectant cream. Thinking it's best to assume everything is necessary, he brings those items, tape, and wet rags with him back to the room. "I can't leave you near anything too sharp, you know." ~

"I...I don't think so. Maybe scissors in the office space or something..or a blade with the art stuff," I fold my legs beneath me as he comes back in. "but nothing that I brought up. I get it." ~

"What made you come calling?" he asks, taking off the bloodied tissues. "What made you stop?" Shaking his head, he takes one of the wet rags and cleans the excess blood off of Peeta's arm. "Too cold?" ~

"No..." The cold is numbing the pain. It's nice. "I stopped because...I wanted to? I mean...when I've done this before, the cuts feel good..like a relief. This...wasn't spur of the moment. I've planned this. But...I began cutting and all I felt was extreme pain." He would have never forgiven me. ~

"You planned it?" He dips the corner of the cloth into the tub of cream and cautiously applies it to the cut. "Since when?" ~

"Since...since he died. That night, how I told you I tried and he stopped me?...I agreed I've give myself three weeks. Not three months like he asked." I wince a bit, clutching the blanket beneath me. "Tomorrow is his birthday. I...promised I'd make him a cake and we'd get to spend it together." And I made the cake...we just won't be able to spend it together, now. ~

"So you lied, then," Finnick says, beginning to wrap the bandages around Peeta's arm. "You told everybody you were getting better, when you were actually planning your suicide. Again." ~

"...I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. I am, though. I just stare a he wraps my arm up. What a familiar sight. ~

"Listen, Peeta. I know it's hard losing someone you love, but life goes on after that. Suicide is never the answer." He finishes the wrap by double-wrapping tape around the bandage to hold it in place. ~

"...I'm sorry." I repeat. "I...don't know what else to do with myself. The war is gonna end tomorrow. Then what?" ~

"Then we can all live in peace? What most of us have been waiting for our whole lives." ~

"Yeah, maybe. But I'll probably have to go back with my family. Then things are just gonna revert back to the old normal...that wasn't great. Even without the Games." ~

"You won't have to go back with your family if you don't want to. You're almost an adult, aren't you?" ~

"I'm seventeen. And...if not with them...I'm alone. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils." ~

"You have us next door," he says, pulling over a chair to sit down. "Speaking of which...we should probably have someone watch you for tonight." ~

"I don't need a babysitter. Can...can't we just take all the sharp things out of the house?" ~

"Everything's sharp. I'll confiscate the most obvious things; the knives, the razors, scissors...but I'll have to be able to trust you around things like pencils and keys. We shouldn't have to pack your entire house in packaging foam." ~

"I won't stab myself with pens." I insist. "And there's way too many people with keys to my house for it to matter." ~

"Alright...I'll rid your house of everything sharp, then. Anything else you want?" ~

"No... I'll be good." I tuck my knees beneath me. "They want me to speak later. To announce the Capitol's defeat. And...I have nothing prepared because I wasn't intending on being there. So...I'll work on that up here." ~

"Just don't mention this little incident to anyone else. They'd put you on suicide watch for sure." He wipes the knife clean with one of the extra cloths. "But I'm not going to be the one to tell your father about this." ~

"I stopped myself, though..." I don't want to have to tell my dad, either. "That's an improvement, right?" Right? ~

Finnick stops handling the blade for a moment to look Peeta in the eyes. "That's an improvement," he says honestly. ~

"Thanks," I say, clasping my hands together. "I'm...I'm going to try not to forget. I think that'll help. People say it's better to forget...but I don't want to." ~

"For what it's worth, I think it's better to remember it. You learn from your mistakes, don't you?" ~

"I mean...him." ~

"Who told you to forget?" ~

"It's just what people say. Forget...and you'll feel better." ~

"Don't listen to that," he shakes his head. "He made you happy, so you should remember. He didn't die for you to just forget him." ~

"I won't. I mean...it's gonna take time for me to figure out what's appropriate. I still have his things." I can't get rid of them yet. ~

"I know. I think it's better to keep them." ~

"I think so. I don't like getting rid of things...good or bad. They let me go back home on the way here, cause Twelve is on the way...I wanted to take some things." ~

"I didn't say hoard everything," he laughs lightly. "What'd you have back in Twelve?" ~

"Some pictures. I looked for my cats. The letters from my sixteenth birthday. Stuff like that." ~

"You...took the letters. So I guess you really don't like to get rid of things, even now." ~

"No, I don't. It's just...if I get rid of it, I feel like I'll forget." ~

"It makes sense. You shouldn't forget what made you who you are today, right? As painful as some thing are to think about...you just shouldn't forget." ~

At least he understands. "Thanks, Finnick. For...everything, really." ~

"You don't need to thank me. It's what friends do, right?" ~

"Well...I've never really had friends before." I grin a bit at him sadly. It's true. "Kinda sad, isn't it?" ~

"Sad in the sense of not happy, as opposed to...sad in the sense of pathetic. Some horrible people have a lot of friends, but the best of people are loners for the most part. So it's not pathetic or anything." ~

That's a really nice way of putting it. "I..guess you're right. Just gotta find the right friends." And boy, have I found them. ~

"See? Trust me. Everything's looking up from here." ~

"He'd be happy about that. He'd want me to be happy. I...just don't know how I can be. This house is far too large for just me. It's...so depressing coming here day after day and no one being here. Even for the week or so we were in Thirteen, it was nice coming back into the room after a long day of propos, or...or having him come in after training, and just being able to be together. Now, I still have long days, but the nights are just lonely." I'm just so lonely. That's it. ~

"You'll see him again someday...so you can look forward to that. I think he's proud of you," he smiles. ~

"I almost broke my promise to him twice in a month." Why am I just realizing this now? "He probably hates me." ~

"He would never hate you." ~

"We said no more lies...and I lied." ~

"He doesn't hate you, Peeta. He told me that night," Finnick sighs. ~

"But...things are different, now." I look out the window. "The world is different. All of us are different. Things change, don't they? I'll probably never know." ~

"Peeta, he specifically said to me that if you broke your promise, he wouldn't hate you for it. I think that stands." ~

Did he really? "Well..." I begin. "Thank you. Get back to Annie...I'll be okay. I promise." ~

"You promise?" ~

"I promise on my love for Cato." ~

"I believe you," he laughs, standing. "Hang in there, okay? I'll take all the knives out for you." ~

"That means a lot. I...can't trust myself with them." Somehow, I've still got Cato here protecting me through all of the people we both cared about. I feel it, love. I feel you still here, somehow. ~

"I'm only a yell away," he says, walking to the door. "If you ever need someone to cut your dinner...you know who has the knives." ~

"Yeah, yeah," I sigh, laying back in the bed and going to grab a pad and pen. "Thanks again...really." ~

"Any time. Goodbye," he waves as he leaves, making his way down to the kitchen to remove any and all sharp objects. ~

"Don't be a stranger-or forget the razors in the bathroom." I call after him. He's a really good guy, that Finnick Odair. ~

"I won't forget anything!" He comes back upstairs with a bag full of knives and other several objects, and heads into the bathroom to remove the razors. "There are only two bathrooms, right?" ~

"Only two that I've seen. I've only really explored the house a little." ~

"Alright, well...if you find any more, call me, okay?" Finnick returns, bag full of sharp, bladed objects. ~

"Promise." I don't want this to ever happen to me again. Things have been too much and too hard, but now...Now, sitting in this house, I remember this is what he always wanted for me. To go on. He said that, even when we were in the Games and thought one of our deaths would be inevitable. I'll never move on...but for him, I'll go on. ~

"Good. See you later, then," he waves goodbye and starts down the stairs. "Take care!" ~

"Bye..." Now I'm back here alone. Okay. You can do this Peeta. Time to write.

I spent a good amount of time writing out the speech for that night. Usually, these things come easily to me. But for some reason, I'm hitting a block. Of course, the one time I have idea what to say...they ask me to write my own stuff. Of course. All I can think about is Cato and how much I hate this all. Being happy this is all over. I mean, sure I am. But he could've lived.

I feel guilty, too, though. For breaking promises to him. For going back on my own beliefs...I always told him how I never wanted another Hunger Games. I said I'd stop them for him. But even in his death, I couldn't do that. I voted for the Games. At least one more. With...with Capitol children. And I regret it. I really do. Because...he wouldn't have wanted it. I don't want it. But I was so taken by how upset I am that they took him from me...that I went against everything we once believed in.

But that's passed. I'll deal with that later.

Now, I just need to write. I won't be fake. I'm going to say how I feel. And when I decide that, the words just come out naturally.

"People of Panem. I have been here for the length of this war, speaking to you and for you. And now...tonight, on the last night of this bloody fight...I'm here once more, to tell you that the Capitol and its ways are no more. The oppressive body that has controlled this nation intends on giving in to us come morning. And the fighting will cease. The government from District Thirteen will take hold, and we will immediately begin work on making all Districts equal. No more going hungry. No more war. No more fear. A new Peacetime. A better Peacetime.

The Capitol, over the past 75 years, has taken many, many lives. Through their strict laws, their personal vendettas, or in the Hunger Games. We have lost parents, children, brothers, sisters, lovers and friends...I am with you on that. I am not the only one grieving loss because of the Capitol.

But I know that...that the person I have lost, along with all those everyone in this country has lost, can finally rest. They can rest now, knowing that the Hunger Games are over. The war is over. The cruelty is over. We have begun a new era of peace and equality. A new world without fear or hate. A world that everyone should want to live in.

So in this final night of hate and destruction, I tell you that I grieve and celebrate with you all. And thank you. For never backing down from what we all believe in. This is a better world already. And we're all living in it.

This is Peeta Mellark, from the Old Capitol. Thank you."

Afterwards there's some press meetings, and other things I have to attend to. But I'm just tired. I don't want to be around people. I want to lay in bed and just rest. It's been a long, long day. I sleep hard for the first time in a long time. No dreams. Just sleep. The next morning, I have to wake up from an alarm for the first time in probably my whole life. Because I have to be there for the treaty signing.

And then...just like that...it's over. ~

A/N: And then...just like that...You're Not A Bad Guy is over, and Peeta and Cato never meet again. ;D LOL Kidding, kidding, just this chapter's over. 3 Please review. There's a lot to handle in this chapter that I'd really like some feedback on. (Especially because your next chapter depends on Sam. So...review in your spare time!)


	70. Chapter 70

A/N: Chapters 70, 71 and 72 are all completely Cato because Sam wrote her shit and it's hells long. Enjoy.

"What is this?" I ask myself, looking up at the sky. My face gets wet as large, white flakes fall. Snowflakes up to even a half an inch in diameter continue to fall as I make my way through the forest. I've been going uphill for days. I must be somewhere in the mountains now. There's no decent way to tell if I'm closer to Two or the Capitol, but either way, I'm somewhere close to civilization.

Suddenly, I feel overwhelmed with the chilly air. District Four doesn't get snow ever, as far as I'm concerned, so of course they wouldn't have heavy jackets. I took the warmest jacket I could find from there. It's not meant to shield me from below freezing temperatures, though. If I don't find anywhere soon, I'll surely freeze to death out here. And I'm running low on food, so turning back isn't an option.

Sure enough, the more I walk, the more I discover that the ground has gotten a light blanket of snow coating it. Then, I travel on, finding the snow to be thicker and thicker. This is making it harder to walk through, and my socks are starting to get soaked. At this point, it's more likely that I'm closer to the Capitol than I am to my home. That's almost a one hundred percent positive instant death, so I can only hope I'm not.

Then, I see the district fence. When I get right in front of it, I immediately feel overwhelmed with joy. This is my home. Not District Thirteen, not Victors' Village. My actual old house is just a little bit away from here. I should probably go there first, regardless of the time of day. I'm just not ready to fight him. Not at least until tonight. I need some time to eat, to shower, to rest, to prepare...

I begin to do as I did only about a week ago to the fence in District Four. In fact, I can't hear the hum of the electricity, which is odd. It's never off. It could just be my hearing going shot, though. Or the wind is too loud. Either way, I cut at the fence with my sword, which exposes my hands to the cold air even more. But I stay tough through it, cutting a large hole through the fence at the bottom so that I can crawl underneath. If District Thirteen did anything wonderful for me, it's that President Coin gave us all special weapons. I've never seen a blade this sharp. Not even in the Capitol. This one is sharp enough to cut through the fence. So for that, I'm thankful.

Once that's done, I roll my pack through the gaping hole, and I carefully follow it. Then, I stand up straight, looking out at the city. I'm home.

"So, you're home."

I know that voice all too well. And sure enough, when I turn to my left, I see her walking towards me. Her, with her dumb purple knitted hat and matching scarf and gloves, and an actual warm coat. At this point, it's not even me being envious of how warm she looks. It's me feeling things I haven't felt since I last saw her: some combination of hateful, betrayed, and longing emotions that I can't possibly describe completely. This is bad. "What of it, Antonia?"

"Nothing," she shrugs, stopping next to me. "I just thought you were dead. Seems that you're not, though."

"You're quick to accept that."

"What? The Capitol says you're dead, yet, I see you here. I have to accept that."

"No, I mean..." I sigh. "I figured you wanted me dead."

"No, you? Cato," she laughs, rolling her eyes, "I think it's great that you're here."

This was unexpected. "So you forgive me for reaping day?"

"I said I probably would, didn't I?"

Time didn't pass by quickly at all. In fact, the one hour in that room felt like an eternity. After my parents left, I just wanted to be on the train on my way to the Capitol already. Nonetheless, I had to stay in that small, dark room for the entire hour, alone for all I knew. By reaping day, I had already managed to push most of my friends away. It's a shame, really. All of my childhood friends, just...gone.

Then, she walked in-long, wavy, chestnut brown hair done all special for the reaping, purple, knee-length dress skin-tight at the waist-of course, seeing her all fancy made me tap my feet uncomfortably in my chair as I looked at the floor. She'd caught me staring other times, but it usually ended with a dirty look or a light, playful slap to the face. "Come to wish me luck?" I asked.

Then, the slap came. But it wasn't like all the other ones prior to that day. That one actually stung.

I glanced up from the floor to see an angry fire burning up the green in her eyes. "Antonia! What was that for? I swear, I wasn't-"

"Wasn't staring again? Why? Because you were ashamed of yourself?!"

"If you were worried about me trying to win you over or anything, why are you even here?" It made no sense for her to come if she thought I'd try asking her out again.

"Ashamed because you volunteered, Cato!" she shouted, slapping my arm.

"Ow!" I rubbed the spot where I was pretty sure I'd get a bruise. "You've known for years now that I was going to volunteer! You can't stop me, Tonia. You're not my mother. And believe me, she's been trying to talk me out of it for the past few weeks."

"What is this for? To win me over," she mocked. "You think winning the Hunger Games will get me to finally go out with you?"

"No, it's for my own personal reasons-"

"Oh, is it revenge or something?!"

My jaw dropped a bit when she said that. "It's exactly that. You're the first person to understand that."

"Revenge for me not going on a stupid date with you! That's pitiful! Face it, Cato, not everyone's going to like you like that."

"Actually, no?" I turned to look out the window at the crowds gathered around the Justice Building.

"Why? It makes perfect sense, you ass. My little sister volunteered first. So you just had to do this, didn't you? Kill her to make me feel bad about rejecting you?"

"Listen, maybe Clove should've waited, I don't know, three or four more years to volunteer?" It was stupid of her to volunteer at such a young age.

"Fourteen year olds have won before," she scoffed. "Not even ten years ago, a fourteen year old volunteered and won. He-"

"I KNOW!" I stood up from my seat. How dare she bring that up! "I've seen those Games a million fucking times, Tonia. I know Finnick Odair was fourteen. I don't fucking care! This was my last reaping. Clove still had four more reapings left. If I didn't volunteer today, I wouldn't have another chance ever again. If anything, she should've waited. And you know what? I wasn't even paying attention to the girls. I didn't realize it was Clove until I went up to the stage. So shut it."

"And that makes it okay?" she cried, covering her face with her hands. "She's been talking about this for months. Every day you came over to my house to hang out, to try to take me out, anything-she'd run up to you and talk about the Games! I've told you hundreds of times that I wouldn't volunteer because my little sis wanted all the glory! And I was glad to let her have it because I love her! I don't love you. I hate you, Cato. I hate you."

"I don't love you either. I still like you, though. Even if you hate me, I still like you." But at this point, my terribly deep crush on her was wearing thin. "How many times do I have to apologize?"

"You could never apologize enough! You're going to end up being the reason that...that she dies!" She leaned her forehead against the wall.

"You don't know that..." One could never be too sure of those things, right?

"Yes I do! Because only one person could return home. And if it's you or her...she's deadly, Cato. But you're like two or three times her size. If anyone's coming back, it's you, and I hate you for that!" Then, she ripped the flower I gave her earlier that morning for good luck off of her dress, tore all the petals off, and stomped on them. "I hope the Gamemakers decide to pity you and put you out of your misery by killing you, because if you won, you'd be coming home to no friends and the girl you love will despise you for letting her sister die."

"Antonia, I don't love you." Who knew it would hurt this much having feelings for someone? "In fact, I don't even need to feel anymore. Forget crushes, forget love, forget friends. I don't need any of that. Just go." So I swore to myself that love was pointless. Things of that nature just hurt.

"Cato, you really don't get it, do you? You betrayed my trust. Either way, I lose my best friend or I lose my sister, and honestly...if you're so heartless as to volunteer after her, I'd rather lose my best friend. I can get another one. But I have one sister. And pieces of her body are going to be sent home from the Capitol in a few weeks because of you!"

"You think I don't know how that feels?!" I shoved her a little so that maybe, she'd just get completely fed up and leave. I didn't want to listen to any of this. "Seeing the death of her on your TV will make your insides convulse and it feels like you'll puke up all your guts onto the screen just so that you wouldn't have to look at her mangled body anymore! Tonia, just go..."

"I'll leave now," she said, walking over to the door. My hour was almost over by then, anyway. "But under one condition."

"What?" I whined.

"I will consider forgiving you after all this, if you make it out...if you protect her in there. For as long as you can, and then you part ways. And may the best tribute win. Deal?"

For a moment, I just stared at her. Then she gave me a smile. Looks like that will make me do anything. "I'll protect Clove."

"Now, don't you go lying to me." She narrowed her eyes. "No lies, Cato."

"She'll be in the alliance. I'll fight for her, I'll give her my food, I'll keep her company. But if she gets in the way of what I want done, then this deal is off."

Antonia sighed. "You're always making compromises, aren't you?"

"Duh. It's either that way, or my way. I don't settle for less." It was true. And even today, I won't settle for less. I'm still stubborn.

She closed her hand around the doorknob and looked up at the ceiling, probably considering my proposition. "If she's weighing you down, and it's for the best that you guys part ways...then part ways. But if you guys split, I'm still expecting you to not kill her...please, Cato, don't you dare kill her. If you're the reason she dies, I swear-"

"I won't kill her," I said. "You can stop treating me like crap now."

"I still hate you." She opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. "Maybe my opinion of you will change after the Games."

"Well, I sure hope so," I said sarcastically, turning to the window again.

Finally, the door shut, and five minutes later, I was taken out to the car with Clove. Soon enough, we were both headed to the Capitol, at least one of us headed towards certain death.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out.

She narrows her eyes at me. "You didn't kill her," she says, walking back in the direction she came from. "Come."

Hesitant at first, I follow her. "I watched her die. I let her die. Why don't you hate me?"

"We made a deal. She didn't listen to your orders, you guys weren't working out, and you guys split paths. It's all in the deal."

"I let Peeta kill your sister. It's always the boy from Twelve doing that, isn't it?" I sigh. "I guess there's something else we have in common, then."

"Hey, hey, I understand...I mean, it's the Hunger Games. Not everyone can live. That boy did, and so did you. That wasn't supposed to happen. But...I accepted that only you or Clove could come back. You liked him. It was either his death, or hers..." She looks at her feet, retracing her footprints in the snow. "You stayed out of it as much as you could. I just..."

"If it's any consolation, he thinks I'm dead, so it's payback for killing your little sis," I laugh. Then I realize what I just said. Peeta thinks I'm dead. Oh god.

Surprisingly, she laughs too. "Cato, you know just the right things to lift my mood."

As I'm about to reply, I feel her gloved hand take mine. "Uh...I mean, he thinks I'm dead and all, but...I still love him."

"Ah, still think you can get with me, do you?" she smirks. "This isn't romantic hand-holding. Can't two friends hold hands, warm up your cold ones?"

"I suppose so," I shrug. My hand is starting to get the feeling back, now. "I still like you, you know."

"What happened to being in love with Mellark?"

"No, I still love him. I didn't mean it like...no, I mean I like you as in as a friend. As in, I've kinda hated you since reaping day, but now, I think of you as a friend." I haven't had romantic feelings for this girl since before the Games even started. And those feelings are long gone. "And, tell me for real. Why are you holding my hand?"

"Because it'll make people pay less attention to you. Duh," she shrugs. "If someone sees you walking alone, they'll realize it looks like you and bring in the Peacekeepers. If someone sees you hanging around with me, they won't think twice because you, being dead, wouldn't just go around holding some girl's hand. They'll just think it's a couple taking a Valentine's Day walk."

Well, that does make sense. "It's February 14th?"

"Mhm."

"Wow." Now I really have to try giving Thirteen a call when I eventually go back to Victors' Village. I was going to do that anyway so that they could send a hovercraft in to pick me up, but now I need to apologize to Peeta about how I won't get to spend today with him as planned. "Can you take me to my old home?"

"The one in Victors' Village? Why?" she asks.

"No, my old home. The one near your house."

"But-oh, yeah, that one. But why there?"

"Because I just need to find a place to hide, where no one lives. I don't want to be in a place where my dad can just walk in through the door or something." My feet are so numb, not just from all the walking and running, but also from the snow. I just need them to get warm.

She looks confused for a moment, but shakes her head and continues, "Yeah, makes sense. I'll take you there."

"Thank you!" I sigh happily. At least I have one person who knows I'm alive and is actually on my side.

And soon enough, we come up near her house and my old one, and she leads me around the back. After all these months, I still remember where the extra key is hidden. "Listen, Tonia...I need to devour a bunch of food and shower and denumb my limbs, so..."

"...So you want me to go," she sighs.

"No, no-I mean, yeah-but I want you to come back. Bring over a little food for me while I shower? Because I doubt there's any around here...and I also need you to escort me to Victors' Village so I could get stuff from there, and then back here, and then eventually I'll need to go back there..." I pause to take a breath. "I'm sorry, I'm asking you for a lot of favors."

"It's not a problem, Cato," she laughs, rolling her eyes. "I don't have anything to do today, anyway. You were my best friend. I'd love to catch up with you, if I have to drag you all around the district. Now, go in, take your shower, and I'll bring you some hot food. Okay?"

It didn't take much of that to get me smiling. Finally, there's someone around here who I can trust on my journey. "Thank you so much," I say, unlocking the door. "Really."

"No problem at all." She turns away and starts to head around to the front of the house. "See you later!"

"Goodbye!" I push the door open, walk in, and welcome the warm air. Oh, I missed this place. Everything is just where we left it, too. Empty cardboard boxes are strewn all over the kitchen table from all the frozen meals I used to eat, family pictures are still held to the fridge by those ridiculous, cheap magnets, and the sink still has a leaky faucet.

Drip, drip, drip.

The first thing I do is wrap paper towels around it so that it doesn't drip anymore. I hate dripping water.

I walk into the living room, leaving the back door unlocked for when Antonia comes back with food. It's odd that this place is so messy, considering we moved out months ago. All of our things should've been moved out to Victors' Village by now, but all of my papers from school are still on the coffee table. Papers that, even in the summertime, still littered my bedroom and the living room. God, I'm such a mess.

The house is warmer than I expected it to be. It's welcoming, though, considering I was anticipating a house only slightly warmer than the air outside. The air in here isn't terrible, either. After all this time, the house is still livable. Not that once we moved out, it would become a hazard, but...it's as if we still live here. But that's alright with me, because I really did love this house. It had its faults, which clearly still exist, but this was home to me. Even though it brings back some memories that I try to suppress, I love it.

And then I see the spot on the carpet where my dog peed that one time when I was little. Good times.

I throw my bag onto the recliner chair and immediately head upstairs to my old room. It's not completely messy, since I took most of my important things with me to Victors' Village, but it still has the signature Cato mess to it. Lovely-and I mean that. It wouldn't feel like my room without the mess. A childish grin spreads across my face as I notice the one discolored wall on the far side of my room, just a couple shades lighter than the pale blue walls in the rest of the room. I'd insisted on having my room painted red, telling my mom that at least it wouldn't turn out worse than the horrible pink she painted in the room up on the third floor, so I painted that one wall to show her. And it was not a wall-friendly color. We could've find the right shade of blue to cover it up, so...it doesn't match. I've always been okay with that, though. That mess-up defines me. Whenever I screw things up, I fix it as much as I can...and it will never be completely okay, but close. Basically.

Then there's one picture frame on my nightstand, containing a picture of a once happy family. I tear the back off of the frame and take the photograph out. Within seconds, about a fourth of the picture is ripped off, and my dad is thrown into the garbage can. The other few people in this photo...they can stay. Even if it hurts. Because everyone in this picture is dead. My mom is probably dead. The world thinks I'm dead. Then the one who's absolutely, definitely, long dead...she's dead. And soon, my dad, the fourth in the picture, the one who is literally trash now, will be dead. Talk about exterminating a whole family. When this is all over, I'll be the last of them. Last man standing. The lone victor, contrary to my actual win in the Hunger Games.

I still have some of my old clothes here, since I'd gotten all new clothes from the Capitol after I moved to Victors' Village, so I pull open my drawer and take out a long-sleeve, forest green shirt, a grey sweatshirt, underwear, and a pair of jeans. All of my snow clothes, like my coat, hat, scarf, gloves, and boots are in my other house. Which I have to walk to through a snowstorm to get to. Of all the times it could've snowed this much...really? I know this is a mountainous area, but it hasn't snowed this much in a long time. How convenient.

I take all of my clothes into the bathroom with me, lay them on the lid to the toilet seat, and start up my shower. I'm horribly dirty and cold, so I need this. Not that the water will be boiling hot, because I'm not expecting there to be hot water, but my god, it has to at least warm me up a little. But when I get into the bathtub, the water pouring on me isn't even near freezing. It's actually a decent temperature. I mean, we still own this house, but why would we even keep the hot water heater on? In case the pipes at Victors' Village broke and we needed a warm shower or a toilet that flushed?

Then, I finish up, completely free of dirt and considerably warmer than I was just fifteen minutes ago. I get dressed, but it's weird to be in my old clothes again. They still fit me because they're only a year or two old; they just weren't 'exciting' enough to take with me when we moved. Still, it's better than the shirts in District Thirteen. Gross.

I make my way back downstairs, and to my surprise, I have a guest sitting on the couch in my living room, shuffling a deck of my old playing cards. "You're here already?"

"Geez, Cato. I live up the block. Even in a storm, it doesn't take me any more than a minute or two to get there." She pushes a small, blue bowl in my direction across the coffee table.

"How long have you been here?" I sit on the floor in front of the bowl, cross-legged, and pick up the spoon. "What is this?"

"Five minutes. Chicken noodle soup."

My jaw drops. I love chicken. "How'd you even get this? They sell it around the district now?" I must've missed a lot.

"No, but the mayors of the districts all get things from the Capitol that we don't, don't they?" she asks.

"I'd assume so. I never got chicken noodle soup, and I'm a victor." I take a sip of the steaming broth. Hot food is wonderful. "Do you always get this stuff from them?"

"Flora only gave it to me because she knew we were best friends before the reaping, and Saturday morning happened, so she basically gave me a bunch of cheap Capitol food as condolences for your death," she laughs.

I scoop out a few twisty noodles and a lump of chicken and take my first full bite, getting a bit of carrot as well. Fucking delicious. "She still had a thing for me, didn't she?"

"Oh, she was heartbroken," she shakes her head. "She kept me there for about an hour, telling me about how she finally had a date with you in early November, but you mysteriously cancelled. Then she found out about you and Lover Boy a few weeks ago, and figured that was why. Telling me about how she wishes they sent Mellark out to fight instead of you, because then you'd be safe and he would be dead, and-"

"And then I'd be single." By this point, half the bowl was emptied. I was very hungry. "I never could stand having those girls go after me."

"You?" She raises an eyebrow. "Career tribute, heartthrob of Panem, originally District Two, ultimate hottie Cato didn't like all the girls?"

"Not really," I shrug.

"Why, too perfect for them?"

"I'm not actually like that. I put up a front to see who'd actually take the time to get to know me. If any of them had figured me out, I probably would've said yes to them." I pause. "Peeta I think was the only one who knew me well. And we'd only known each other for less than a week. That's why he's the winner."

"I thought you were a stuck-up ass, too. Why'd you want me?"

"I thought you were only humoring me. Turns out you just really didn't know." I take the last sip of broth and lick the bowl clean, noticing she got me a little juice box, too. I down that in about twenty seconds. Satisfied.

"I know now."

"Too late. I already have the one I wanna spend my life with. Nothing's going to change that," I smile, wiping my mouth clean with a napkin.

"Wow, you're really serious about this guy." She pauses. "Tell me about him."

"What's it to you, Tonia?"

She stops playing around with the cards for a moment. "Don't get so touchy, sweetie. It's just casual chat between friends."

"Oh..." I sigh happily, readjusting to a kneeling position. "Well, we slept in the same bed every night completely innocently and I love that because it's not just, oh, we're sleeping in the same bed so I'm gonna fuck it, but it's just me holding him there because I didn't want to see him go, and god I love him so much and I miss him." I take a second to breathe. "He really needs me as much as I need him so it means the world to him that I'm out here trying to keep him safe but neither of us wanted me to go, and I had to, so he's patiently waiting for me to get back and oh man, does he really need me right now, because he probably thinks I'm dead, whoops. We're basically each other's life support and oh, am I saving his life right now. You know, I have a secret, my dad really hated him so I'm going to kill him. Shh."

She laughs quietly, trying to avoid the awkward situation I just put us in. "Calm down, you didn't need to give me a minute-long monologue that is a lot to take in so quickly." Antonia pauses again, and puts the cards back on the table. "Life support?"

"Can't live without each other. I spent every minute with him that I possibly could." I really miss Peeta. "How's your family holding up?"

"So-so," she sighs. "Better than months ago, but...the house is lonely."

"I know. Deaths of loved ones can be hard. It's better to forget, but sometimes...you can't."

"She's my little sister. I wouldn't want to forget her even if I could. You might've thought her crush on you was annoying, but I loved her anyway."

I laugh a little bit. "I might've thought so sometimes, mostly because the wrong sister had a little crush on me. But it was cute." I stand and walk over to the entrance to my kitchen after picking up my backpack, now that I'm all warmed up and fed. "Bring me home now?" Although nothing is really home to me without Peeta. Victors' Village is a start.

Immediately, she gets up and follows me through the kitchen and out the back door, locking it behind us. "So what exactly are you going to do there?" she asks, taking me down the street. At least the snow let up a bit.

"Getting all my snow gear, first of all," I laugh. "And then I need some of my other things, and I'm going to try to call District Thirteen."

"You have the number for them?"

I bite my bottom lip. "No. But the number might be written down or something. In the call log, even." Hope will do me well.

"So...this whole rebellion's been going on for years?" she questions. "That's insane...nobody even knew. But it's great. My family and I have been wronged by the Capitol. I want anyone who is at fault to be punished."

"I feel the same way. And..." I look away, over all the houses, to try to see if I can see Victors' Village. Just faintly. "Is my mom around?"

"Haven't seen her," she shrugs.

Just as I suspected. Guess I'll know the truth soon.

And soon comes in silence, as we spend the rest of our walk keeping quiet, not talking about the rebellion, not about Clove, not about Peeta. Nothing. Just keeping away from the prying eyes of other people from my home district, who are actually even allowed to be alive right now. People, who glance at us, and just brush it off as a couple taking a romantic walk. The kind of walk I wish I were having with Peeta right now. I'd told him I wanted to see the big snow.

Then, I walk up to the front of my house and try to open the door, and fail miserably, especially considering I didn't think to bring my key with me when I was forcibly dragged out of the house unconscious so that I could be tortured with Peeta for twelve hours. No, my house key is up on my bedroom floor or some other unuseful place like that. "Do you have anything I can use to pick the damn lock?"

She takes a silver bobby pin out of her hair and hands it to me. Oh, these are the good kind. Not the shitty ones coated in black paint that can't open shit. I always used to scrape the paint off of these and give them to my friends when I was little so that they could sneak into places they weren't supposed to be in.

So, attempting to remember how Peeta picked the lock to the train in the Capitol, I jam the clip into the keyhole with some force, looped end in, and twist it around for a while. I have to take it out several times to make sure I'm not stripping it, then try again. As I give up after the fourth attempt, I twist the doorknob and it opens. I suppose it unlocked sometime in the past few minutes but missed the click.

"I'm home."

Not for long, though. I run halfway up the staircase and call down, "I'll be right back!" And then I kick open my bedroom door. It's as I left it. Bloodstains are on the edge of the nightstand and on the floor near it. Sheets and blankets are all over the place, not because I never make my bed, but because Peeta and I fooled around on there before we had to leave. So I take a minute to lay down on it, taking in the moments we were having before my father crashed our little party. Moments that we were supposed to have we ruined. We were about to have sex right here.

Nostalgia hits me like a bitch and slaps me back into reality, realizing that I can't stay on this bed forever. I can't stay in my room forever. I'm not even allowed to stay in this house. Odds are, I can never come back. Either I'll be dead, or we'll lose the war, or it'll hurt too much to stay here. And I hate it because I love District Two with all my heart. It's a fucked up place, but it's what I'm used to. It was hard enough giving up my old home. The only reason why I was allowed to let that house go was because I hated having some of the memories of it. But I associate my house here in Victors' Village with happy memories because this is where I first lived with Peeta. Not exactly our house, but it's close enough.

I open up the nightstand and take out my old notebook-the one I would write down all his naughty dreams in-and set it on my bed. Maybe I'll show him one day, so that he can get all red and flustered. Then I dump out the contents of my backpack and only keep what's important. I'd eaten all my food already. I'm keeping the uniform. All of the wet clothes in my bag are disgusting and moldy-smelling from the water, so I replace those with a few of my simple articles of clothing. Only a few shirts, some underwear, and socks to last me for however long I need to travel. Which, hopefully, won't be any longer. District Thirteen needs to hook me up with a hovercraft as soon as possible, anyway. I'm not going to waste my time with pants since they take up too much room, so I only put one pair of sweatpants in. I lost my gun a while back and basically the only relatively useful item I have left for fighting is my sword.

Once my pack is rearranged, I put the notebook in, as well as that photograph that I kept on my nightstand. I'll give it to Peeta when I see him. And finally, since my pack is almost full, I take off my sweatshirt, put on Peeta's jacket (actually my red one, but it's his now), and put my sweatshirt back on over it. I'm not going to want to deal with a huge coat and all, so I think this is good. Warmer clothing than what I've been wearing the past week anyway.

Before I go back downstairs, there are two more things I need to do. So I put on the TV, hoping for any news regarding the rebellion. At first, they're only showing Capitol TV, but eventually District Thirteen overrides it and broadcasts their own news. Apparently, they've got every district except for this one. Typical. They'd won Four, and every other non-Career district was already on the rebels' side, and One must've followed shortly after Four. District Two...it's just different. According to this, a lot of people in Two sided with the rebels after what happened with me on Saturday, because oh, they loved me. But with this place being Peacekeeper central, any uprisings were kept quiet and destroyed. If Thirteen is able to get Two, it'll be thirteen districts against the tiny Capitol. We'd win for sure.

The screen changes after that to one of Peeta's propos. I missed seeing his face! But I know for a fact that this must've been filmed some day after I left, because I'd seen every one of his propos up until my departure. No-I know for sure that it's recent now. I always know when something is wrong with that boy. He's in pain. His face shows it.

His arm shows it.

His arm.

"Oh god, he tried again," I mumble to myself. Was it bad of me to make him promise to stay alive for me? Was it selfish that I wanted him to do that instead of what he wanted to do? He told me it wasn't selfish. Selfish would be me asking him to kill himself to be with me. But I knew how painful it was for me when he was gone for three months. I haven't even been gone a week and he tried to kill himself. I feel horrible.

But now I can see him, because I made him promise me. He'll be alive when I get there. If he doesn't try again.

I turn off the television and run over to the phone in my room. I begin searching through the list of incoming calls, but where the number for District Thirteen should be...there's nothing. It had to have been here. My mom would've said something on the phone that one day about it being an unlisted call. She probably deleted the number so that my dad couldn't find it.

I frantically punch in the area code 13, hoping it'll connect me to some information center or anything. 'Sorry, the area code you have dialed is invalid.' "Damn it! It's fucking valid!" I dial an information number next. "Hello? Hi, hi, I need any number for District Thirteen. Any number."

"I'm sorry, but since District Thirteen has only just come into contact with the nation fairly recently, so there aren't any numbers listed."

I immediately hang up the phone. The one thing I was hoping for. Gone.

I run back downstairs and sprint into my kitchen, taking out a bunch of travel-friendly foods and filling up the rest of my pack with them. Then, I spot it. That glorious cake. I get out a plate, fork, and cake cutter and immediately slice a piece of cake to go before closing the door. Hey, I told him that when I got home, I'd have a piece of his cake. Too bad I'm in a dire situation and can't eat the whole thing.

I head to the front door with my cake and my backpack and set it all down on the table in the hallway. First, I put on a maroon knit hat, then a grey scarf, and finally, a pair of black gloves. I feel ridiculous wearing a scarf because in my opinion, they just get in the way, but they keep me warm. I stuff the ends of the scarf down my sweatshirt so that it's mostly hidden from view. Then, I pick up all my stuff again and take my first bite of cake. Yum. I'm sure it was better when it was first made, but it's just so damn good. And I think this piece is red velvet. That's Peeta's favorite. And oh, the cream cheese frosting. Perfect. "Ready to go?"

I finish the plate of cake by the time I get to my old house. I need to stay here until I'm ready to confront my dad. I can't be hanging around Victors' Village, just in case he comes by. "Thanks for staying with me today," I say, letting us into the house. "I'll call for you later, okay? I just need to mentally prepare myself, and rest..." I throw my pack onto the table and lie down on the couch.

"How long do you think you'll be until you're prepared?" Antonia asks me.

"Oh, I dunno...up to a day. Later tonight at the least. Or is that a bad time?" I yawn. I'd barely gotten sleep. Maybe I'll be lucky enough to get some in the next few days.

"A better time would be now."

"No, it kinda wouldn't be," I laugh lightly, turning onto my side.

"He's on his way."

A/N: You get to learn some fun things about Cato, yes? :D Review with your thoughts!


	71. Chapter 71

A/N: WELL IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME MY LOVES BUT LIFE TOOK OVER AND I'M A BAD GUY UNLIKE CATO BUT I'M GONNA UPLOAD A SHITTON OF CHAPTERS TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU ALL. xx (This chapter is all Cato, then the next one goes back into the Cato/Peeta rhythm of things.)

My heart stops for a few seconds. "What do you mean?"

"I said that everyone who is responsible for causing my family pain should be punished. And you agreed with me. You do know that I honestly still hate you? It's your fault. So you're getting punished. I called in for the Head Peacekeeper. Your dad. I called while you were fooling around up in your bedroom." She puts her hand on the doorknob, looking out the window. "He should be here any minute now."

"No," I whisper. I'm not ready. I'm weak, I'm tired...he'll kill me. I run over to the opposite end of the house, to the back door in the kitchen. I try to open the door, knowing full well that I left my pack behind. I just need to get out of here. "Open, open...why won't you open?" It's...locked. From the outside. When I was little, and I used to run out of the house...my dad had locks put on the outside of the doors and windows so that I couldn't get out. Only he and my mom knew where the special key was. And I look around, and everything is locked. I led myself into my own deathtrap. "But why did you talk to me? Take me to...why?"

"To get information out of you. Thanks for letting me know that you and Lover Boy were each other's life support. Now that you're really gonna be dead, he'll for sure throw himself away. He's the one who killed her. And you know, with that show you guys had on TV, you'd think it's from years of not getting any, that you'd pick up the gay kid. I should've seen if from the start, y'know. All those spontaneous boners before you even made out with him. Getting all sexual with him on television. I mean, not that I hate him because he's gay, but I just hate you both. You're both just murderers. You're just a heartless killer." She pauses. "When a victor dies, their family has to move out of the house in Victors' Village. I thought you would've known that, but you're stupid, so I guess not." She looks out the window once more. "He's here, love. You better prepare yourself." And she leaves, definitely locking the door behind her.

No, no, no, no. I rush into the dining room and pick up my bag, and try to find somewhere to hide. I settle for the closet underneath the stairs. It's so ridiculously tiny, but it was my first instinct. Then, I hear the door open. "Cato! Where are you?"

Oh god, it's him. So I keep quiet, knowing full well that this is a quite obvious place to hide. I just need to buy some time here.

"Your friend tells me you're home! I thought I'd never see you again! Come out." I hear his footsteps stop right next to the closet.

I take a deep breath and open the door. I thought I was safe here, in this house, but I should've known. I shouldn't stayed in Victors' Village. "Hello," I say rather loudly.

He pulls me into a tight hug that nearly crushes me. This is scary. "You should've called at the Justice Building. I missed you."

Finally, he lets go and I can breathe. "Where's Mom?"

"Oh," he raises an eyebrow and grins, "she's gone."

Just as I thought. She's dead, and he did it. But why isn't he killing me? "Oh no." I back away quickly, into my living room. "You're going to take me to the Capitol, aren't you? You're going to have them turn me into a mutt, and use me to bring down the rebels. Right?" I'd rather die.

"How'd you know?" He shuts the closet door and slowly follows me into the room. "It's either that, or you give us valuable information about District Thirteen and then suffer death at my hands. It's honestly your choice."

"Not everything is my choice. Like my sexuality. You tried forcing me to be straight, when I wanted to date a boy, but now you're giving me a choice."

"I'm your father, and I decided to give you a choice. Choose wisely, or I will."

Either give myself up to the Capitol and have them change me, or die as someone who betrayed not only the rebels, but my love's own safety. "I'll choose the Capitol any day." I pause. "Though family members shouldn't give each other ultimatums."

"None?" he laughs, taking a step forward. "Okay. No ultimatums."

"Thanks, Dad. I knew you were a reasonable person," I say sarcastically.

"No ultimatums means I choose." He pauses. "You'll give us information, and then I'll take you to the Capitol."

Become a traitor to the rebellion and be altered? No thanks. "And what happens if I refuse?" I'd rather die a traitor than be a traitor and working for Snow.

"Then I'll take you by force."

I run into the dining room and attempt to open the window there. "No, no, no, please open..."

"Don't hide from me," I hear him say, footsteps following.

When I give up on the window and turn my head, he's already in the room. So I run into the hallway and up the stairs, skipping two at a time, and do the same to the next staircase all the way up to the third floor. There has to be an open window somewhere. It's a fire hazard to not have any windows that can open, and I think I know where that open window is. I open the door to the room on the top floor, jump over the slight mess, and get to the window. I pull it with force, and thankfully, I'm able to lift it. I punch the screen out and look around for the fire escape ladder. It would only make sense to keep it in here. But as I look behind the couch, underneath the bed, everywhere that I can, I'm cornered.

"I let you two go once. I let you two go a second time on purpose. Third time's a charm. You're coming with me, Cato."

"No!" I run to the window and get my entire right leg out of the window when I'm grabbed by the hood of my jacket. I'd rather jump out of the window and die than fall victim to what he has planned for me, but he drags me into the hallway. "What do you mean, on purpose?"

"Why else do you think it was so easy to escape the Capitol? The lack of security, the train?" He laughs. "You'd think at least one member of my family would be bright." He begins walking me down the stairs.

"I don't get it." Way to make me feel stupid, let alone call everybody else stupid.

"A whole rebellion in the making for years, and you thought no one knew about it?" He knocks me into the wall on our way down to the first floor. "Your Lover Boy was necessary to the rebellion. You die mid-war, he offs himself, and two of the leaders for the rebellion are dead, and everything else falls to shit as District Thirteen is crushed once again. And then the Capitol strikes back twice as hard as last time, and the Hunger Games become even better."

"No," I say desperately and in disbelief.

"You will give me valuable information-"

"No..."

"And the Capitol will use you."

"No!"

"And you'll receive your very public death on television."

"NO!" I lock my foot in with his and kick my foot forward, making him stumble and causing him to let me go. "You really wanna kill me, huh?!" I run over to the table and take my sword out of my bag. "Not if I kill you first!" It's pointing towards him now, in my shaking hand.

"You're too afraid. I can tell," he smirks, pulling out his gun. "Besides, you'll be dead before you can even lay that on me."

My breathing becomes heavy as I try to look for a way out. I lower my arm, seemingly in defeat. "Take me to the Capitol, then." I look down at the floor, catching the tablecloth for the serving table out of the corner of my eye. "Don't kill me yet. Take me, and I'll tell you everything."

He looks skeptical, but ultimately lowers his gun. "That's my boy. Come."

In one swift motion, I tug on the tablecloth and pull it towards me so that everything crashes to the floor in between us, and then I run like hell. He yells something about disowning me, and the gun fires after me, but it only grazes my arm so little that it only punctures my sweatshirt. I crouch down in the doorway between the living room and the hallway, the television concealing me. When I even see the slightest movement of his shadow, I push the TV onto him. He drops the gun in a struggle to get out of the way of the falling object. As I reach over for the weapon, he grabs my wrist and holds it to the ground, twists it, and lets the large television crush it. I scream in pain, much to his amusement, but take the gun with my left hand and shoot it at him as well as I possibly can. I manage to catch his neck, causing him to stumble back into the dining room and collapse to the ground, blood flowing out quickly.

As I pull my throbbing hand from underneath the TV, I slowly walk over to his body, which is still twitching. "I didn't want to. But whichever way it turned out, there'd only be one of us. No matter what, you win, okay? Now I'm all alone. There's no one left for me. Within the next minute, you'll be gone. My whole family will be gone. All of my friends are gone. Peeta could very well be gone. I'm alone."

"And it's all your fault," he laughs, coughing up blood. So I shoot him in the head. His breathing stops within seconds.

"And it's all my fault." I throw the gun to the side and drop to my knees, sobbing uncontrollably. My dad is dead because of me. I could've stopped it all some other way. There had to have been another way. We could've mended our relationship, and then when the rebels won, he'd go to jail. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." I killed the last remaining member of my family. We're all dead now, officially. Even if I'm physically alive, the world still thinks I'm dead. Possibly six feet under by now. Peeta crying by my grave, unless he too is underground next to it. But I can't think like that. I hate thinking this way. My dad deserved it. He's done horrible things. He's the reason for the torture, for my almost-death, for Peeta's possible death...

"Good riddance, asshole," I choke out, still conflicted in my emotions. No matter what shit he's done to us even over the years, he's still my father. "No, contributing to the birth of a child does not make you a parent." Being there for your children makes you a parent. This man is no father of mine. I'm disowning him like he just disowned me. Still, I strip off his uniform, leaving him in his own clothes that he puts on underneath to shield him from the cold, and squeeze it into my bag. A token of my achievement. My prize. And now, he's just in his plain day clothes as if he didn't even work for the Capitol. I want to leave him the way he should've been. My dad. Not some Peacekeeper hell-bent on killing me and my fiance. He should've been this man, but he wasn't. "Maybe I'll see you in Hell."

Just then, I hear a large explosion that's surely somewhere remotely close to the house, followed by other smaller ones, and the ground beneath me shakes. My house doesn't cave in, so I'm assuming this attack isn't supposed to be on the people, but the Capitol. Despite it not being a direct attack on my house, the foundation here has always been shaky and uneven, so one of the blasts causes the china cabinet next to me to tip over on top of me, and everything goes black.

I open my eyes to see the familiar ceiling of my old house, but I can barely even breathe because there's a giant cabinet on me. "Great," I whisper, slightly pleased that I'm even alive right now, and try to push the cabinet off of me, but I stop immediately and scream. My right hand hurts like a bitch still. I crawl out from underneath using my good hand and stand up. My feet wobble a bit as I stand for the first time in...how long was I even out?

My dad is still lying in that same spot. So not long, I suppose.

I search my pack for medical bandages, but of course, those got ruined on my way here so I had to throw them out. I rip the bottom off of one of my shirts, as usual, and wrap it around my broken wrist. I tie it in place so that it won't unravel. This isn't the best way to heal my hand, but it's all I have. Then, I take my bag into the kitchen with me and turn on the little TV in there. Might as well see what's going on.

The light from the TV flickers as I take out the photograph I took from my nightstand in Victors' Village. Capitol TV is on right now, so I find a pen and start writing on the backside to the picture-of course, with my left hand, since my right hand is broken. Now I know that pain that Peeta felt when I snapped his wrist.

'Forever isn't too far away.

So I'll see you soon, love.'

I draw a heart at the bottom of the page where my initials would go. Because oh, he'll know. Who else would send a present nearly identical to the one he sent me on his birthday?

Then, the screen changes to news from District Thirteen. Apparently, they bombed the Nut, which I heard them talk about one day. That's what the rebels named the place here in Two where the base for the Peacekeepers is. That must've been what all those explosions were. They closed off exits with an avalanche, trapping all the Peacekeepers inside. 'Miraculously,' as they put it, every Peacekeeper from District Two was gathered there at the time except for the Head Peacekeeper, who they're currently starting to search for.

Next, they say Two surrendered four days ago after the bombing. "Oh my god, I was out for days." Then I realize that I was the reason why all the Peacekeepers were there. When their superior is nowhere to be found, they have to gather together at the Nut for an emergency meeting. They must've needed my dad for something while the bombs hit. But he was here, because of me. He couldn't go back because I killed him. And they were forced to surrender.

Looks like I really did help out with the rebellion.

They show Peeta, so it's my best hope that he's still alive.

I've had enough with this, so I decide it's best to get the hell out of here. I put the photo in a small box. I'm intending on putting the jacket in there too, once I'm close to Peeta. The realization hits me that I still can't show my face around here or anything because the Capitol is very angry, but one way or another, this war will be over soon, so I won't have to hide out for long.

Just then, as I try prying my back door open, I hear the front door all the way at the other end of the house behind me open. "I know what you meant. About losing a family member, that you get how I feel."

I sigh, turning around to face the girl who betrayed me. "Do you?"

"What you said reaping day, about you knowing how it feels. I...I didn't realize. That was a long time ago, so I'd just...forgotten. We weren't friends then." Antonia looks at her feet. "You went into the Games for revenge...like how I told your dad to get you. For revenge."

"Gee, I thought I had to spell it out for you."

"That was stupid. Why you did that, volunteered." She carefully steps towards me. "'It's always the boy from Twelve,' you said, right? Your boy from Twelve didn't do anything though. That's a failed plan of revenge, Cato."

"So was yours," I shrug, wary of buying her crap.

"Ratting you out could've caused the entire rebellion to collapse. I know. If Mellark had done himself in, then...then the Capitol would win. I'm really sorry..." She pauses. "I guess we're all a little fucked up, then. How can I make it up to you?"

I want someone to trust, but the only person I trust is Peeta. No, I trust Finnick, too. He's great. "You never saw me to begin with. I'm dead."

"What?"

"You let me go now, since you opened the door. I can't trust someone to tag along with me. I'm on my own now. Possibly forever, if Peeta's dead. So I've been dead since the Ninth. That's what you'll tell people if they ask." I take all of my things and head over to the door, walking past her. "That's what you'll do for me. Don't try to contact me. Don't even think about me. And if you want, you can tell everyone that the Head Peacekeeper here is dead. Don't say who killed him or why. Goodbye." And I leave her behind, testing if she'll really keep her word this time. I can't trust anyone.

About a week and a half later, I make it to a stable part of the Capitol. I'd gone the other way, willing to travel all the way to District Thirteen now just in case I was wrong about how long the rebellion would last, but I heard a rumor along the way that Peeta, among others, were moved into the Capitol. So I end up there, hiding out in some places that seemed abandoned enough. It's best that I don't come out until the war's over, but I heard they're signing a treaty on the morning of my birthday. Kickass! But that's soon, so I lie in wait, always keeping a look out for any glimpse of Peeta, or anyone else who is still alive. Oh, I hope he's alive.

On the night of March 2, I shed my disgusting sweatshirt and the red jacket, and lay the jacket in the box, on top of the photograph. He gave me a present for his birthday, so I'll give him the same one for mine.

I made it. Peeta hopefully made it. And I really hope there weren't any more casualties on our side.

Finally, I get a goodnight's sleep-or the best sleep I can, with how anxious and impatient I am-and wait for morning to come. ~

A/N: That's that, I hope you all still love me and review. I won't ever go away for that long again! D: 3


	72. Chapter 72

A/N: This is the part of the stories that Sam and I began calling 'Reunion'. Heehee. I hope you all enjoy. Review!

This shit is finally fucking over! And now I can see Peeta. I know where he is, too. I might've done a little snooping around...stalking, really, but I'm near his house right now. And, by consequence of stalking him, I found out Finnick and Annie live in the house next to him. The house that I just rang the bell to.

"Yeah?" Finnick asks, opening the door.

Before I even see the reaction on his face, I push my way in, panting. "I can explain!"

He shuts the door and leans against it, confused. "There better be an explanation! What are you?"

"No, no, it's Cato. I swear. And by explain...I mean explain later," I plead. "I just need you to do something important for me, and I'll explain later!"

"You're dead. I hope you realize this," he says, clutching the doorknob.

"But I'm not. Look at me!" I run up to him, gripping his wrist with my left hand. "I can touch you! And you can smell how fucking bad I smell! And you can see me!"

For a moment, he considers opening the door and pushing me back out, but instead, he just stares into my eyes for a long time. I don't dare break eye contact. "You made it out, didn't you?"

"Yes. I'll explain it to you later...I just need to see Peeta first. Now do me a favor, please!"

"Wait...I knew it! I knew something wasn't right! I told him, and Coin lied about the blood test I asked her for-"

"Please." ~

I can't believe it's over. Even though it's only been a few weeks, it feels more like an eternity. Now'll come the peace. The peace I promised him I'd lead this rebellion to find. The peace that we were supposed to live in together.

Living alone was way too quiet, but it was that or go live with the rest of my family...and for a temporary fix, it'd do. I'd have to get used to being alone, anyway. It wasn't really much of a choice. When I got the news, I didn't really know what to do with myself. Sure, there'd be announcements, maybe. News. But what was I supposed to do now? Before this, I had Cato to live for. Then, when he was gone, I set my entire being to winning this and making this world what I promised him it'd be.

Now what? ~

"Give this to him," I say, handing Finnick my box.

"What is it?" he asks, taking it carefully as to not drop it, thinking it's fragile.

"It's a present!" Multiple presents, really. The District Two jacket. That picture of me, with a note written on the back. "Just...don't tell him who it's from. It's a surprise."

"Why don't you bring it?"

"Because he likes surprises! I'll go see him in a minute! Just bring it...while I go change into something less grimy. Do you mind if I borrow something of yours?" I hold up my bag, showing him that all my clothes are dirty.

"Alright! Alright!" He turns the doorknob and steps out. "Yes, you can...but I think it's a little too late to ask that," he says, pointing out that since the weather's getting warmer, I put on the light jacket I stole from his house weeks ago, and finally leaving.

So I go find the bathroom and change. ~

For some time, I just lay on my bed. My bed. What should've been our bed. I lay there in silence, trying to think of something to occupy the time. I'm not motivated to do anything. Even bake. But after a while, I decide to explore the large house around on my own. By the time I've gone through every cabinet in the kitchen twice, someone's knocking at the door. So I head over and call to the other side, because I really don't feel like hearing reporters, "Who is it?" ~

"It's your favorite neighbor!" Finnick calls happily through the door. Because this will definitely be a happy day for Peeta. ~

I sigh. As much as I didn't want company sometimes, Finnick always seemed to know how to put people in better moods. So I open up the door, motioning for him to come in and closing it after him. "Hey," I say, locking the door to be safe. "What's up?" ~

"This came up on my doorstep," he says, holding up the package. "It's not for me, though. It has your name on it." He holds it out to Peeta. ~

I take the package warily. "Thanks?" I look it over, before seeing Finnick still standing there kind of awkwardly. "I...I really don't want to be rude or anything, just...you know what today is, right? I'd...I'd just rather be alone, today." ~

"If that's how you feel," he tries his best not to smile, "then I'll be on my way out. I understand that you want to be alone today. It's not rude at all." He turns and says his goodbyes before leaving and shutting the door behind him. ~

I felt badly for sending Finnick out...and he was acting so oddly. But after yesterday, I suppose, he'd probably be trying to be vigilant. "What is this?" I ask myself, putting the box down on a coffee table before opening it up. ~

On the very top when the box is opened is the maroon tribute jacket, "2" side up. When taken out, there is a photograph on the bottom of the box. The exact photograph that was taken directly after the 74th Annual Hunger Games and laid on the nightstand in that ever-so-familiar bedroom back in District Two. Then, written on the back of the photograph in an unfamiliar handwriting is:

Forever isn't too far away.

So I'll see you soon, love.

3

I look at the jacket in my hands, body shaking, comparing it to the one on my body. I wore the jacket Cato'd died in every day for the past three weeks. This was definitely the real one. His. The one I supposedly died in. The one I mailed Cato and he got on my birthday months and months ago. And the picture...this was his, too. Things we left behind in Two from the torture. What kind of sick bastard does this? Of course, the world would know what I last said to him. It was on television. But this is just horrible. So familiar, and so horrible. But I clutch onto the jacket for dear life, sobbing into it. It still smells like him. Like he'd worn it only yesterday. I sat in my living room and just cried, holding the last of the love of my life in my arms, completely ignoring everything else but he and I and everything that could have been. ~

After I finally finish getting ready, I hear Finnick come back in the house.

"I did that terrible deed!" he calls in my direction. "What the hell was that anyway?"

I walk out of the bathroom, looking way better than I had come in. My hair and face are actually clean, for one thing. And I'm wearing much better clothing. "I told you, it's a present for him!"

"You look fancy," he says oddly, pointing out the blue and black suit I stole from him. "I didn't know you'd wear that."

"He's always wanted to see me dressed up, you know. No matter how much I would hate it." I don't really, but I'd rather be underdressed. I give Finnick a high-five and reopen his front door. "Thanks for everything, buddy. Tell you everything later!" And I slam the door shut before he can say anything.

And I walk over next door and knock on the door to Peeta's house. ~

Another knock. I didn't want to deal with anyone. Especially not now. "Just go away, whoever it is!" I cry. "I'm not in the mood to see anybody today..." ~

I knock again. Please let me in. ~

Can't people get a hint? Ugh. I put the photo in my jacket's pocket and hold onto the red jacket as I walk to the door, unlock it, and call back as I head into the kitchen, "Door's unlocked. Let yourself in." Whatever. I sit at a chair facing the back window at the kitchen table, still hugging Cato's jacket, and just stare out. The faster I get whoever it is in, the faster I can get them out. ~

I open the door and quietly close it behind me. I look around the house for a few seconds before hearing a couple sobs from the kitchen. Looking out as I walk closer, I can see him. We're in the same fucking room, I tell myself. No, I can't get too excited. This is a surprise. So I come up behind him, cover his eyes, and whisper, "Guess who." ~

Goddamnit. Yet, it sounds so familiar... "I'm not in the mood for games, okay?!" My face is soaked with tears. "Cut it out, seriously." ~

"Oh, turn around, Lover Boy!" I let go and smile. ~

My heart stops. I immediately turn around, scrambling to my feet and shouting, "I thought I told you to get the fuck away and never come back!" I cry. No. I'd stopped having delusions weeks ago. There's no way this could've brought it back. Him back. But there he is. I'm insane again. ~

He scares me so much that I fall back onto my ass. Ow, okay. "Peeta, I'm back! You never told me to go away..." I look to him, confused. "I said I'd be back for you!" ~

"No, no, no!" I clutch my head in my hands. "Goddamnit, I thought I was getting better." I can't even make eye contact with him. He looks so real. So much more real than I remember the delusions being. "Get out of my head!" ~

"I'm not in your head, Peeta!" I get up and run over to him. "I'm really here!" I grip his wrist-not tightly, I learned my lesson-and put it to my chest. "You feel that? That's my beating heart! The one you love to listen to!" ~

"Stop, please..." I sob. Oh god, it's so much like him. I knew him too well. "It was nice for a while, after he'd really gone, but I can't take this torture!" I shake my head. My mind even brought him back in a suit. What I always wanted but never got. Like him. Here. Alive. "I'm sorry about yesterday! I am! Just go, please, please go..." ~

"I'm not going ever!" I let go of him...but then I kiss him. Not as long as I'd like, after this long month...but it's enough to satisfy me for now. He just isn't reacting to it. "I was never gone! I've been alive the whole time...please believe me." He has to believe me. I believed him. He has to believe me... "What happened yesterday?" ~

"I didn't listen, don't act like you don't know! I watched him die on live television...I was wrong, and I realized I was wrong, okay?! You don't have to check up on me anymore..." I shut my eyes. "I almost broke my promise, but I stopped myself. I...would've regretted it for the rest of my life...afterlife...whatever the hell it is. I just couldn't do that to him, you, whatever!" I cry quietly. "Just stop teasing me with what I can never have..." ~

He tried it again. I want to be mad at him...but I can't be. Not now. Not that I almost have him. "I swear, Peeta..." I sob, "I'm really here...you can have me right now! I swear I've been alive the whole time...I-I traveled all the way from Four, all the way to Two...I killed him for us, Peeta! Who did you think did that?!" I drop to my knees. Please listen to me... "I never died! I'M HERE!" ~

This can't be happening. "I watched you get shot to death and blown up on live television! You don't have to convince me! I said I was sorry..! It was only one, only one cut, I swear... I swear!" I keep reliving watching Cato's death on the television that day in my head. "I saw it with my own eyes..." I look down at him, still never making eye contact. ~

"Peeeetaaaa..." I clutch onto his leg like a child. "It...I didn't! It was someone else! And, and...they started firing, and I went out the window...and I fell, but I kept going...and then they blew up the room, and I freaked and started running..." Finally, I drop completely to the floor in a messy heap of cries and patheticness. "I came all the way here...the entire time, it was me thinking 'Get back to Peeta! Do it for Peeta!' So you have to let me back...PLEASE, PEETA! How can I convince you..." Finnick realized it so easily. "Finnick saw me, too! I gave him the present to give to you!" ~

Then, I realize something. "W..what on earth are you?" I pull the photo out of my pocket. "This isn't his handwriting. For a moment...a moment, I believed. But he wrote me letters upon letters," all of which sit in the nightstand upstairs, "and I know how he writes. This isn't it." ~

He believed me. He believed it. "Look at my hand, Peeta!" I hold up my right arm, with my wrist still wrapped in bandages, and I pull the sleeve down to show him. "I broke my wrist, so I wrote that with my left hand!" ~

This is insane. I pause for a moment, to think. "You...escaped Four..went to Two..killed your father..and came here?" The distance seems plausible, but it could still be all in my head. I try to give him some benefit of the doubt. "Cato, I...I went insane when you died. How do I know I'm not just making this up because it's your birthday?" ~

"I don't know how else to prove it to you." He's starting to believe again. I'm so close. "Anything for you, dear. Anything at all." ~

It...it could make sense. The face was covered. I... "I...really don't know." And at that moment, our eyes meet. The Cato from my delusions never met my eyes. Ever. Because he wasn't real. This...this was real. I lose my breath as we make eye contact. "You're...you're not in my head. The Cato I made up wouldn't look me in the eyes." I whisper. ~

"But the real one would." I stand up and hold my arms out for a hug. "It's me." ~

For a moment, I just stare. How can this be happening? Tears start falling down my face at the mere idea of having him back. "You...you kept your promise." I quickly wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him. I kiss him and never want to stop. Ever. He's warm like my Cato. That's what really proves it. The Cato in my mind was always cold. Always. ~

I knock him down to the floor with our kiss and for a moment, we just roll on the floor kissing. He's crying, too, but that's alright. Because I know they're happy tears. That fucking crybaby. It's good to have him back. Finally, I push him away a little bit. "Of course I kept my promise. For you? I'd make it back to you even if I had to dig my way out of my grave." ~

"I'm sorry." I whisper through my tears. For almost breaking my promise. For doubting him. For crying now. "Oh god, I missed you." ~

"I know, I know, shh...I'm here now. No more missing me." I run my fingers through his hair and play with a few clumps of it. He likes it. "I missed you too, Peeta. So much." ~

"I thought you were dead." I bury my face in his shoulder. He smells like my Cato, too. ~

"Everyone did." I pause, holding him against me. "Everyone still does, really." And now, I'm laughing. I've had such a Peeta withdrawal over the past month. "I'M SO FUCKING GLAD TO BE WITH YOU!" ~

I stop any more yells with another kiss. I was baking this morning-with cinnamon, and tasting. I know he liked cinnamon because he always said I tasted like it, so I bet that was a welcome thing for him. ~

Oh my god, I love him. He's kissing me...and kissing me...and I can't stand it anymore. This is too fucking perfect and I can't handle it. "I'm so...so glad...that imaginary me kept you company...and was looking out for you, like I would. Because you stopped yourself." I look at his arm. "But you know what's more important? My birthday!" ~

"You think I forgot." I accuse, smiling. I can't stop smiling, even if I wanted to. ~

"No!" I laugh, taking in his smile. It's good to see that back. "But I'm just saying...there's something specific I wanted for my birthday." ~

"And...what's that?" ~

"You." I shove him and stand up. "Where's the bedroom?" ~

A/N: HOW ABOUT THAT CLIFFHANGER. I'll tell you all now, the smut isn't straight smut. Or described. It's hard to write smut in this style. Though I will write every instance of smut in this story as separate fics on here, eventually. I promise. Review! xx


	73. Chapter 73

A/N: Like I said, don't be expecting legitimate smut in this chapter. All the smut is going separately, for people who just like reading smut. 3

I reach my hands into the air for him to help me up. This is it. "Upstairs, duh." ~

I smack my hand to my forehead. "Of course. Well, there's stupid Cato for you." I grab his hands and pull him up to his two feet, but I don't let go of his hands. "Lead the way, boyfriend." ~

"Hey!" I say, walking him to the stairs and up them. "No one calls my boyfriend stupid. Not even my boyfriend." I mean, he was clever enough to make it here. More than most could ever do. As soon as we make it all the way up the stairs, I walk him to the last door at the end of the hall. "..This is it." I smile. ~

"Yeah, it is." I open the door to a huge room with a giant bed. Too bad we might not even make it that far. "And, let me correct myself...fiance, will you let me do naughty things to you up here?" ~

After all this time, he's still able to catch me off guard. "I'd love for you to." I manage to crack out. ~

"Good." I pull him inside, and surprisingly, I'm able to make it to the bed. So I throw him onto the mattress and leap on top of him. "Undress me. Now." ~

"I'd be more than happy to." I quickly pull his shirt over his head with the jacket, tossing it to some side or somewhere, I really don't care. I do the same after I remove his pants, struggling with his shoes simultaneously, but they find their way off of the bed, which is really what matters here. I leave him in his boxers. For that, we'll wait. "Now you." ~

As soon as I get the okay, I unzip his jacket-my jacket? His? Ours? What-the-fuck-ever. I toss that shit all the way across the room. Then I practically rip the shirt from his body, and I pull his pants off in a second. I get rid of the shoes and socks, too. Just us. In our underwear. Perfect. "So here we are." ~

"Finally." I breathe. "I...thought we'd never get this." I lean up a bit to kiss him slowly and sensually. ~

"Neither...did...I," I manage through the kiss. Oh, it felt so good. I can't handle myself with him. It's been way too long... "No," I say, lightly pushing him off me. "Enough with the kissing. Let's get into this." ~

A bit of a natural blush spreads across my cheeks. "Absolutely." I say, shifting a bit at how...obvious I already am. Damn him and his good looks. "Please." I whisper. ~

"With pleasure," I whisper into his ear. "Get ready for it." ~

He gets my heart racing. "I am." And with that, no more words are said. The last, offending pieces of clothing are removed...and he is finally able to have me. Quite literally...all of my dreams come true.

Even after the insane afternoon/night/morning that happened, old habits die hard, and I wake up first, in a sweat, completely naked in his arms the next morning.

It really wasn't a dream. ~

Finally, I wake up. I'm in a bed. And next to naked Peeta. Naked! Score! "Hi." ~

I yawn a little, turning to face him, since my back was against his body. "...Hi." I smile a little. ~

"You were really good yesterday." Oh god, I remember all of it. Every. Fucking. Second. Literally, fucking...oh my god. "Lover Boy." ~

I take a deep breath and blush hard. "Oh, so were you..." I say in one fluid breath. It was everything I'd expected and so much more. "My god." ~

"I know...WE FINALLY DID IT!" His red face is back. As it always is. "And I'm fucking hungry...fucking makes you hungry." ~

"Shh!" I laugh. "You want to broadcast that to everyone?" Not that I mind, but not this early. "And there may or may not be uneaten birthday cake in the fridge downstairs." ~

Oh geez...he still made a birthday cake for me. Even though he thought I was dead. He baked me a cake for my birthday. "You said there'd be cake...didn't you?" ~

"Isn't that what I just said, just not in those exact words?" I smile. "Of course there's cake! It's your birthday, and you're engaged to a baker." ~

"That I am." I go completely under the covers, looking for my boxers. "Soon to be married. Right?" ~

"Absolutely." My mind is still processing the whole 'I finally slept with Cato' thing, so it doesn't get all schoolgirl-bumbly over the marriage reference. Thank god, because I don't want him to think I'm nervous. I've never wanted anything more in my life. ~

I finally find what I'm looking for and slip them back on, before crawling out from under the covers and getting off the bed. "And you finally proved to me that you're not a girl." ~

"I told you." I laugh, doing the same and sitting up with my boxers on. "So tell me about your time back in Two." I say as I get off the bed. I'm trying to see what he thinks happened to his mom. ~

"Well, I got there around midday, and I was so fucking thirsty because I ran out of water. It took like, five days. So I was hungry, and thirsty, and smelly, and I really had to piss. So the first place I went to was my old house, which was obviously empty, and went to the bathroom, then I took a shower because I smelled like the ocean." Good shower. "And I watched the TV to see if I could find out anything, and I saw you, and your arm...and I just got really sad." ~

I glance away from him. "I'm...I'm sorry. I...didn't tell you about my breakdown." ~

"We can talk about all that later," I tell him, not wanting to kill the moment. "But um, he came to the house early. He broke my wrist in the struggle, but I eventually shot him with his own gun. I...felt weird after that. I had just killed my own father, and I just...it was scary. I had to keep reminding myself to find you, to save you...that's what kept me going." I pause. "And then part of Two blew up, so I knew it was time to go. After I got that present together for you." ~

"I understand what you're saying... Did you get a chance to see that cake?" I smile, trying to put his mind on happier things and hope that the cake will somehow bring him onto a track of talking about his mother, since she helped me bake it. She told me when she got to Thirteen that it was never touched. ~

"That cake...I ate a piece." I smile. "The red velvet part. You guys did a good job on it..." I trail off. My mom helped him bake it. ~

"What is it, love?" ~

His concern makes me happy. His face makes me happy. So I can't stop smiling. "I just miss her, that's all...she wasn't there when I was in Two," I sigh. ~

"Well...what do you think happened?" I walk over to the phone. "I've just got to check on Haymitch, keep talking." ~

"Like I told you before I left...the Capitol got her before I could." I look down at my feet. The one person I was close to, besides Peeta, gone. Because of my dad. ~

I shake my head at him and speak into the phone. "Hey.. Yeah, I've got something to show you. Could you just drop over?" I hang up. "You may want to put at least pants on.. Haymitch is coming over quickly." No, his mom is. I love surprises. ~

"I was planning on putting pants on anyway." I laugh, looking around the room. "Uh...do you have any? I'm not putting that back on," I say, pointing to the pants I wore yesterday. "I need casual wear and everything else I have is icky." ~

"Go in the drawers." I laugh, pulling on my comfy pants from the night prior and a shirt. Suddenly, the bell rings. Wow, she's quick. I run downstairs quickly and let her in, telling her to be quiet before I run upstairs to get Cato so I can walk him down with his eyes closed. ~

I practically tear his dresser apart looking for pants. Sorry for making a mess, I think. Eventually, I find a pair of normal jeans that actually might fit me (even if it's tight), and I find a red shirt in another drawer. Finally, normal clothes. Then, after getting dressed, I look to the door to see Peeta. "Out of breath much?" ~

"After last night, yes. Very." I whisper before walking him to the door and covering his eyes. "I have a birthday present for you." I show his mom to be quiet, but she's already crying quietly the moment we hit the top of the stairs. ~

"Another one?" I laugh, blindly following his lead. "After last night? Damn." ~

"In the long run, this is more important." I kiss the back of his head. "Ready? One, two..." I lift my hands off of his eyes. "Three." ~

"What is it?" I look around excitedly, eventually finding my present at the bottom of the stairs. "Mom?" ~

She can't decide whether or not she wants to run up or if he's coming down, but she just holds out her arms to him. "Cato..." She smiles, tears soaking her face and dress. ~

Oh god. "Mom!" I start running down the stairs to go hug her, but I end up tripping over my own feet and slide down the rest of the stairs. Getting up quickly, I say, "I'm alright, I'm alright..." And I hug her. She's alive. She's alive, I keep telling myself. "I'm alright...you're alright." ~

"Peeta got the district to send a team out for me the day you first left." I see her smile. "It was all him." ~

I turn to see Peeta, still at the top of the stairs, smiling like an idiot. "You're the best fiance ever! I...thank you so much, Peeta!" I look back to my mom, a questioning look on her face...oh, fiance. Oops. ~

"Anything to make you happy." I smile, but then immediately, my eyes look to his mother. She doesn't seem upset or anything...her face stays completely stoic until a small smile spreads across it.

"When?" She asks him. ~

"Oh..." I put my head down nervously. After all this time, yes, I'm still nervous about this. Excited, sure of it, but nervous. "I asked him a month ago. I would've told you, but...a few things kinda got in the way." ~

"Well," she laughs. "I understand that." She wraps her arm around Cato. "Come on, kiddo!" ~

"Come on, what?" I reciprocate by wrapping my arm around her. "Birthday cake time?" ~

"Absolutely!" I laugh, running to the phone and calling over Finnick and Annie on the phone. "Who else? There's a lot of cake." ~

"A small party is all I want right now," I say, laughing from happiness and laughing because he's laughing. Then, as I watch him excitedly dial numbers, I add in, "Actually, I want the whole family here. Get your dad." I smile. ~

"Okay!" I turn my attention to the phone. "Finnick, you jerk, get you and your wife over here!" I laugh before hanging up and calling my dad. I'm so excited, I can't even handle it. "You won't believe me if I tell you," I exclaim. "Just come over!" I put the phone on the hook and run downstairs to where Cato and his mom are. ~

"Someone's way excited here." I pull him close to my side in a sort of hug with the three of us. "And I think that someone is me." I break away from both of them and run into the kitchen. Oh, I love birthdays...and the day after birthdays, in this case. ~

"Come see the cake!" I exclaim, heading over to the kitchen fridge and opening it. ~

"Show me!" I run over to the fridge and look at the only thing lying on the top shelf. It's red, and cream cheese, with cinnamon sprinkled everywhere...and little memories from our time together writing in every corner of the cake. And when I ask if it's chocolate, he nods. Oh, he knows me so well. "Thank you!" I tackle him with another hug that nearly sends him to the floor. "Just the cake I deserved." ~

"You deserve anything and everything I can give you." I smile, kissing him. The bell rings, and I pull myself to my feet, holding my hand out to Cato. "Come in!" I call. ~

I take his hand and pull myself up. "You also deserve everything." He really, honestly does. ~

I look to the door and see Finnick and Annie come in hand in hand. I quickly run and hug him. "Thank you!" I laugh, almost crying. Cato's behind the wall, not visible from the entrance, so poor Annie seems really confused. ~

"Of course!" He laughs, trying to pry Peeta off of him. "Anything for my favorite neighbor." I shake my head at him. "Don't mind Annie, she's just wondering where he is." Of course he'd tell her. Not that I object. ~

"Just...thank you." I pull away. "He's in the kitchen." I see Annie give me a big smile.

"Things work out in mysterious ways, don't they?" She says, squeezing my shoulder.

"That they do." And I can't help crying as she makes her way into the kitchen to see Cato. ~

"Hey!" I manage to get out before she completely cuts off my breathing with a hug. "Okay-okay." ~

"You're a little late for the wedding," she jokes. "But I'll forgive you." She loosens her grip as I follow Finnick in to where they are. ~

I can breathe again. "Sorry 'bout that." I laugh, then look to Peeta. It's time. "I won't be late for the next one. Promise." ~

Huh? I look at him confusedly before everything clicks. Everyone else besides his mother is confused, though. "You better not be." I laugh. ~

"There's a next one?" Finnick asks.

"Tell them, Peeta." ~

"Well," I smile, sticking one hand in my pocket and the other into Cato's hand. "We've kinda been engaged.. For a month."

"A month?!" Finnick yells, realizing that this has been going on since before we left. "Why didn't we know? You could've trusted us."

"Because you guys were waiting for longer than us," I say, "so we were planning on telling you after yours."

"Well...congrats, then!" And he high-fives me. Great. ~

"Thanks." I smile, squeezing Cato's hand as Annie giggles.

"It's great you're back." She says. "This one was a wreck without you." ~

He was a complete wreck. I know it and we haven't even discussed it in full yet. "I noticed," I say, not making eye contact with Peeta. "I'm glad to be back. No matter how hard he tries, he can't get rid of me." ~

"I wouldn't try!" I roll my eyes. "Finnick can testify to that." ~

"I can," he says in agreement.

"Oh, you guys." I shake my head and sit at the kitchen table. "Stop standing around! Sit!" ~

"Please!" I walk over to the cake and begin pulling out plates. The door knocks suddenly. "Cato, could you see who that is quickly?" ~

"Alright." I laugh, getting off the chair and walking over to the door. There's another knock on the door before I finally open it, revealing a very familiar, worried man. I turn back to the kitchen. "Peeta! It's your dad..." ~

Of course, I'm walking from the counter to the table with the cake as he says that, so I rush to put it on the table. "Hey, dad!" ~

"Peeta, what..." he says to Peeta, mouth still gaping at me.

So I run up and hug him like nothing was ever wrong. "Hey, Mr. Mellark!"

"What...?" ~

"Dad...you er, know Cato." I smile. "It's...it's a long story." ~

"Is it really...?" he asks through exasperated breaths.

"The one and only!" I let go and smile. "I'm here. Cake time, right?!" ~

"Really!" I pull my dad into the kitchen. "I'll explain later. Cake now." ~

When everyone sits down at the table, I just stare at the cake. "Sing happy birthday. I'm nineteen, guys." ~

I quickly stand and grab candles from the drawer and light them with a box of matches before flipping off the lights. As everyone begins to sing, I can't help but stare at his face in the candlelight and how happy he looks at the simple gesture. ~

Surrounded by people I actually like...the one I love. Someone who, after this little celebration, I can finally catch up with. "Happy birthday to me," I say quietly. Mentally, I'm a child. I really am. "And happy birthday to Peeta!" I add. "He didn't get a party on his birthday." ~

I laugh a little. "You enjoy your time, and make it up to me in November. Blow out the candles! Make a wish!" ~

I lean forward to extinguish the candles, but before I do, I smile at Peeta and say, "I already got my wish." How cliche. And then I blow out the only remaining light source. ~

I turn the lights back on, just smiling at him and bringing over a dull cake cutter. Finnick took all the sharp things out last night. "First piece." I hand it to him. ~

"Before I left, you promised me that I'd get to feed you the first piece," I say, taking the cutter and slicing a triangle into the cake. After putting it on my plate, I dig the fork into the corner of the piece and hold it up to his mouth. "Please?" ~

I roll my eyes a little at him, but smile and nod and open my mouth. ~

I put the fork onto his mouth and smile. "Now close your mouth," I tell him, with everybody else suppressing laughs. ~

I bite down on the cake, smiling because I even surprised myself. It really was good. "Now you have some!" ~

I stick the fork back into the cake and put a large chunk of it into my mouth. Best cake I've ever had. Slowly and seductively, I pull the fork out of my mouth, just like what I did to the spoon back in November.

Cue laughter from everybody, and Finnick saying, "I'd honestly probably do the same thing to that fork...but we all want some cake too."

"Cut your own piece." I throw the cutter onto the table and take another bite of Peeta's best cake ever. ~

I shake my head smiling and pull him into a hug. "Happy birthday, love." I whisper. ~

"Very happy birthday indeed," I mumble through the food. When I swallow, I hug him back and say, "I missed this." ~

"Well...we have forever now, don't we?" I smile, kissing his cheek. "Can someone cut me some cake?" ~

"Cut it yourself," Finnick says, after cutting everyone else a piece.

I take the cake cutter from him and cut a reasonably sized piece for Peeta. "I got it." ~

"Thank you, love." I take another bite. "I tried to get everything you liked in it." I laugh, finally sitting. "It reminded me of you without making me sad, because I'd just picture your reaction and smile." ~

So everybody says, "Aww, how sweet."

"I'm glad you did." I start licking my plate clean, making sure to get every little crumb into my mouth. "So, who wants to hear my story?" Everyone nods. "Peeta? Is now the time?" ~

I look at him apprehensively. "What story?" ~

"Coming back to life, duh," I laugh. ~

"Go ahead." I say. With him, you can never know. It could have been a detailed account of last night. ~

"Well, it started that morning in the Justice Building..." So I tell them every detail-well, not every, just enough to fill them in-the explosion, the boat, the woods, Two, and my trip to the Capitol. Of course, I'm hesitant about telling about my father, but...once I clarified it was me or him, my mom completely understood.

And now they know everything. "Believe me now?" ~

"I believed you yesterday." I say to him. "I think that was obvious."

"It...was really brave, what you did." Annie says, clutching Finnick's hand. His mom nods. Deep down, she knew he'd died. But it was hard, hearing that it was her son. In the end, though, she was happy it was Cato and not that man. And so was I. ~

"Brave? I was scared shitless!" I get a death glare from my mom, asking me to clean up the language. "Sorry...bad habit."

"Thank you for coming back..." Mr. Mellark says, finally speaking up. "Everybody's glad you're back...especially this one," he pats Peeta on the shoulder, "you're lucky."

"Both of us are." I reach under the table to take Peeta's hand. ~

"We're both lucky to have had other people around to make sure this could happen, too." I grab Cato's hand and make eye contact with my father and Finnick with slight nods. ~

To make sure this could happen? What could Finnick and his dad possibly have done to...oh. Right. "That's right." I sigh and push the plate away from me. "No more." ~

I squeeze his hand tightly. "What?" I say nervously. ~

"I'm done. That's all. I can eat cake later." What's wrong? I'm worried about you. That's what's wrong. ~

He can't lie to me. I just can tell. But I'll dismiss it until later. "Okay..." I sigh. "Well," I look around. "There are things to be done, I'm sure.. So I'll let everyone get back to their normal days. Just don't spread around about him yet." We should probably go see Haymitch and Coin personally. ~

"Alright," Finnick says, standing and helping Annie out of her chair, as she seems to be having a bit of trouble getting up herself. "We'll be right next door if you need us." And they leave. ~

"I'm only a few blocks away." His mom stands, kissing his head and crying a little. "I'm always here for the both of you." She follows Finnick and Annie out. ~

"Goodbye, Mom...I'll talk to you later, definitely."

Peeta's dad is the last one to leave. "Just...thanks. So much...I'll always be down the block from here."

"Bye..." I wave. ~

"So...it's just us now." ~

A/N: A long chapter with lots of wonderful things in it.


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